Chapter 33
Catherine woke up in the afternoon. She felt sleepy and tired. It was quite late when she arrived home and she was frustrated. Therefore, waking up tired did not surprise her at all.
Classes were over, so were exams. The only thing that was left was grading papers, which she could delay until the end of the weekend. That is why she decided not to go to the university.
She went to the kitchen to have some coffee. While the coffee machine was preparing the coffee, she sat at the kitchen table and started going through everything that happened the day before.
Jackie... Alexandra... Again Jackie... She did not even remember how she arrived. She remembered both Jackie and Alexandra and the conversations she had with them. Also, she had a terrible headache, probably resulted by yesterday's stress.
Hearing the coffee machine beep, she stood up to pour herself coffee. Sitting back, she asked herself aloud:
-What am I going to do from now on?
Sipping on her coffee she stepped into the living room to find Ethan lying on the floor motionless. He was bored. She touched his head with her fingertips and sat down on the arm-coach next to him. She put the cup on the coffee table and reclined on the couch.
A tear dropped. She was alone. Still alone. How is she going to live now without Jackie? Jackie... That little girl who turned her life upside down starting from the day they met.
Catherine could easily remember how their eyes met and they smirked at each other. She knew she wanted her from that moment. But she did not know who she was, yet alone if she will be interested to become her next oblectation in the bedroom. She remembered their first time when Jackie was all shaking. She also remembered the time, when Jackie called and asked to get her from relatives' house.
At first, she remembered all the memories that made her happy. Then came the others. Ones that made her miserable and depressed. Then she remembered all the details of yesterday. It was then, she realized that she left Alexandra in a miserable state alone. She ran towards her smartphone and looked through recently dialed contacts. Choosing the one with Alexandra's name on it, she pushed on it.
The phone rang for long but no one answered. It was almost going to a voice message when Alexandra's voice was heard.
-Hi.
Catherine could sense that it was not a happy hi.
-Hi. I'm sorry. I wanted to check whether you are OK.
-I'm fine.
Catherine could sense that she is not though she said the opposite.
-Look, I ran away yesterday but... I really want to be sure if you are OK.
-Catherine, I'm. Really. I feel OK.
Catherine did not accept her statement. Therefore, she started to insist on seeing her. She thought to see her in person only can assure her.
-I'd be glad to pay you a visit.
-Catherine, I'm fine and I'm a little bit busy right now.
-Doing what?
-Umm... My new camera just arrived.
-Great! Can I see it too?
A silence emerged and made it possible to hear Alexandra breathing to the phone.
-Alexa...
-You are not going to let it go, are you?
-I won't until I am sure you are OK.
A new wave of silence did not last long.
-OK. I'm home.
-I'm leaving now.
A half an hour later, Catherine was on her way to Park Slope.
When Alexandra opened the door, she looked paler than ever.
Catherine came in and was offered coffee. She did not refuse. After Alexandra went to the kitchen, Catherine looked around her living room. It was hard to call it a living room since most of it consisted of bookshelves full of books and souvenirs from various countries. In the center, there was TV with a good audio system. Catherine started walking around. She was in this room the first time Alexandra and she slept together. After running from the bedroom, she found herself in this room. However, she did not pay attention to it since she left the apartment in a hurry. Overall, it was a nice room with lots of interesting stuff. The walls were covered with various paintings and bookshelves. There was an old piano in the corner. By a load of books on it, Catherine understood that it was not used for a long time. Looking at the bookshelves, through the books she saw souvenirs, the photo machine Alexandra dropped and broke, and photos. She came closer and looked at them. In some photos Alexandra was with a girl, in others, it was only the girl. She was young, had fair hair and very tender lines of the face. She was beautiful. At that moment, Catherine heard a noise in the kitchen and walked away from the bookshelves. In the left of the room, there was a desk with a chair next to the wide window. She came closer and saw a box just unwrapped. She saw a black and compact photo machine inside the box. While looking closer, she also saw a half-opened pack of cigarettes next to the box. Remembering Alexandra's comment on cigarettes on the day they first met, Catherine concluded that she is lying about being OK.
-Black, I guess?
-Yeah. As always.
Catherine thanked her after taking the cup from her.
-You looked tired. Did you sleep?
-Yes. I just woke up very early. The courier was breaking the door.
-Oh... Congratulations. I saw the camera at a glance there.
-You don't look at it at a glance. You have to touch and feel it.
Alexandra said energetically and stood up going to the table immediately. She returned back with the camera.
-This is amazing. It is expensive but it worth every cent. Can I?
Holding with both hands to the camera, she turned its objective to Catherine. Although she did not want her photo to be taken, Catherine did not dare to refuse. She smiled in response.
A click of photo machine was heard.
-It does not look like a professional one. How is it expensive?
-Well, that is Leica. Q series. It is for professionals but on another level.
Alexandra smiled and kneed down to be close to Catherine and show her the photo. Catherine looked at herself. She looked lost in the photo but the photo itself was a very artistic one. She liked it.
-Seems like it was shot by a pro.
She smiled to Alexandra. Then she suddenly felt that Alexandra is talking about the camera to distract her from other subjects.
-Look, about yesterday...
She saw Alexandra's annoyed face gestures. The latter sat back to her place and started playing with the camera as a child who wanted to ignore scolding.
-I am sorry. I wish I did not come to you with my problems. I wish...
-You should never have known what you heart last night.
-Look, it is OK. I won't tell anyone.
-It is not about you telling someone. I just did not want you to learn. It was a secret I kept for the past a few years and it supposed to die with me. Apparently, I failed in controlling it. I let my emotions loose.
-It is OK. Trust me, I will never do anything that might remind you about telling it to me. Just forget that you told it to me. OK?
Alexandra looked her with desperate eyes.
-OK?
Then she nodded. Thus, Catherine felt sudden pride in what she just accomplished.
-Did you talk to your girlfriend?
-I did.
Catherine smiled sadly.
-By the way, ex... Ex-girlfriend.
-I'm sorry.
-It is OK. You were right, she was not ready to settle down. She is an actress and the life that is going around her is too colorful for her to leave all that.
Catherine smiled sadly.
-I hope it will turn out for good to you.
-Thanks. And by the way... I told her about us.
-About us?!
Alexandra looked with a surprised face.
-Yes. By us, I mean... You know... the arrangement.
-Oh... Did she get angry?
-Surprisingly not so much. She asked me why I did not tell her before. When I reminded her that it does not matter now since we broke up, she said that she would also probably sleep with you.
Catherine smiled.
-She thinks you are gorgeous.
Alexandra smiled back at Catherine.
-Anyway, I should get going. We will meet at the university, right?
-Actually, no. I graded all the papers and did all the necessary paperwork. So, I will not be around your department.
-Wait. They did not offer you to continue on teaching?
-They did. They even want me to take one more course, which I am not so enthusiastic about. It is just, with all the Ph.D., work in both departments and the seminars, papers... It would be better to take time off for the summer. I will go on a trip with the motorcycle.
-A trip? Where?
Catherine asked with a panicked voice.
-Well, I will start with Israel then will move to Jordan, then to Iraq. After that, I will have two options. If they will let me in the country, I will drive through Iran to Azerbaijan and after to Russia. Then I will fly back to the US. In case they will not let me in Iran, I will drive through Turkey to Georgia and then to Russia.
-That is quite a route. Isn't it dangerous?
-Not if you are going to drive through safe roads.
Catherine felt a pain in her chest. Somehow she did not want Alexandra to leave.
-I thought you are going to be here in the summer.
-Well... There is nothing to do around here in the summer. And I am alone. I will be bored.
Catherine could swear that her voice almost cracked.
-What about you?
-Oh. I will be teaching for summer university.
-What about vacation?
-As for me, vacations are not for single people.
Catherine smiled.
-I think it would be better for me to go already.
-You could stay for dinner. We could order Chinese.
-No, thanks. I'd better go.
She was opening the door when Alexandra looked at her and smiled.
-Aren't you going to say goodbye?
Catherine smiled while saying:
-Goodbyes are for a long time. To you I want to say... See you.