Ricky's small voice woke her in the morning. She smiled as she heard him on the baby monitor, talking to himself. It was an improvement over the constant crying babies did when they were ready to get up. Sharon rolled over and looked at her clock, instantly bolting upright. It was late; she'd overslept. No wonder her son was awake. She'd been out too late, and now, she was running late for work. Sharon flew out of the bed, ran out of her room, and she moved quickly toward the kids' rooms.
"Emily," she said, rushing into her room, finding her little girl awake and looking at a book on the floor. Sharon clasped her hand to her chest, "Good morning, sweetie."
"Mommy, I heard Ricky," she said. "He's awake. I got dressed," she stood up, and Sharon tried not to laugh at the pajama top, jean skirt, and mismatched shoes.
Sharon pursed her lips and smiled at Emily, "You did a very good job. Because you have preschool today, though, let's put on the outfit over here that is ready to go. You have your pink preschool shirt to wear today."
"Oh yes!" Emily jumped. Sharon sighed relief, thankful for pink shirt day and also thankful she'd taken care of Emily's clothing last night. Sharon kissed Emily's head.
"You change, and I'll have some cereal ready for you. I'm going to get Ricky too. Mommy is running late," and with that, she flew out of the room. She raced into Ricky's room and sighed at the sight. He'd taken off his pajamas again and was standing there in his crib in only his diaper. He'd been bored too, throwing all of the his favorite things to the floor. Sharon sighed again and smiled at her grinning boy, at least thankful he hadn't taken off his diaper.
"Good morning, my sweet boy," she smiled at him. She went about the task of changing him and dressing him quickly. She knew he would be hungry too, but she still needed to get ready for work. Thankfully, after her very late night out, she'd showered last night. She still needed to get dressed, work on her mangled hair, and throw on some makeup. She grabbed Ricky and raced to the kitchen. There, she made quick work of getting Emily some cereal and briskly cut up a blueberry muffin for her. She knew Ricky would want some too, but she couldn't risk that mess on her floor. She grabbed a cup of Cheerios for him and took him with her to sit on the floor of her room. She plopped him there with his little sippy cup and toddler cereal container. She smiled at him and grabbed the first clothing she could find-black pants, a black blouse, and black flats.
"Ricky, I'm sorry I'm running so late. I'll get you some of that muffin in a minute," she explained to her son, almost as if she expected him to carry on a normal conversation with her. "Emily are you eating?" Sharon leaned out into the hallway to listen for Emily. After getting a response from Emily, Sharon brushed out her hair, trying not to be too rough on it. She really needed to do more, but today, it would have to do, just brushing out the straight long hair. She could finish her makeup in the car, but she did throw on some concealer to cover up those dark circles. She glanced in the mirror, trying to now start thinking back to the evening prior. She didn't have time to think about all of that, and she'd spent a good portion of the night not sleeping and thinking about that. She quickly put some lipstick on, knowing that a little bit of lipstick made all the difference. She could do more later.
"Time to go," she said in a quick tone, scooping up Ricky and his almost empty breakfast. At least her kids liked to eat, and he had done that. She kissed his hair and rushed him out of the room, where she gave him several bites of muffin before she rushed both kids back to brush their teeth. A few minutes later, they were all loaded in the car for yet another day at school and work, now only 25 minutes late. It was better than she'd expected, and she'd find something to eat later. At least Andy had provided that promised dessert last night; she smiled and then bit her lip as she thought back to that, again pushing it out of her mind. No time for daydreaming; it was time to get to work.
Her day didn't drag like she'd expected it to, nor as the last few days had gone. In fact, her day flew by, and she seemed to enjoy her paperwork today, all of this telling her that she was happy, not embarrassed about thing the night before. She wasn't even nervous to run into Andy in the building should that happen, not that she expected it. The two barely saw each other in the building, so why would today be any different? Sharon continued working through her day, occasionally finding herself putting down her pen to daydream, to recollect. The evening hadn't gone at all as planned; it had been about as opposite as she'd rehearsed in her head, but truthfully, she was glad it had. It was out in the open now. She felt lighter about everything. It was what it was. She'd found herself more and more attracted to him over time, but it was something she'd shelved; the two had a landlord/tenant relationship until they didn't. They had a professional relationship, but she wasn't his boss, wasn't even in the same division. Being attracted to him wasn't forbidden. They had a friendship, one that had developed through long talks. She'd fought any attraction to him because it wasn't appropriate, but really, now, with all of the previous reasons not being an issue for her, she had no regrets about the evening. It had felt good to be spontaneous, for once, to just live. Everyone else seemed to do that-just live-and for a few brief hours last night, she'd tried to do that too.
Sharon closed out her day, happy that even with her rough start to the morning, she'd salvaged the rest of her day. Shea was exhausted; that was no surprise as she fought back a yawn there at her desk. She glanced at her watch. It was time to get the kids and head home. She needed to feed them, bathe them, read them a bedtime story, and then, she needed to decompress. She still hadn't had time to do that after last night. It had been quite an evening, but she couldn't think now. It was time to pack up for the day.
Hours later, after Sharon had spent time with the kids, fed them, cleaned up the kitchen, bathed them, and put them to bed, she collapsed on her living room couch. The house was quiet, and finally, almost 24 hours later, she could begin to process the evening before. Yes, she'd thought about it while lying in bed last night, trying to sleep, but that had been too fresh. Her thoughts had wandered. She'd tried to scold herself; she'd tried to tell herself that it wasn't a good idea. Yet, oh yet, here she was finally sitting down to think about everything. Her life didn't need more complications. She didn't need drama or messy. She didn't need more in life; she had her kids and her work. She didn't need distractions because she had the kids to raise. She didn't need-yet, yes, she did. She was a person, just like everyone else.
Truth was, as she sat there and really tried to be honest with herself, she did need a lot of this right now. She'd tried to be the perfect wife, mother, co-worker, boss. How was that working out for her? She'd been responsible with her choices. How was that working out for her? Here she was, a single mother, divorced, struggling to get by. Sure, she made ends meet and more, but she didn't really have excitement in her life. Her biggest outing in the last three years, not including the emergency visit to Florida to check on her dad, had been the zoo trip. She was drowning in dullness if that was possible. She was going through the motions of everyday life-kids, work, mortgage, no money, sleep when possible, repeat. She'd been trying that. She wasn't getting anywhere, and she wasn't enjoying a lot of her own life. Of course, the kids gave her joy. That was nothing to dispute, but she still felt this need for her own personal joy, her own little fun in life. Maybe she needed to see what could come of all of this mess-maybe a little fun? Right now, she was tired, tired of everything. She was tired of always doing the right thing and never getting what she wanted.
Her ongoing thoughts were interrupted with the phone. She startled herself, not realizing that she was deep in thought. Sharon moved quickly to answer it, realizing that she really didn't want to wake the kids and put them down again.
"Hello," she said into the phone, frowning at the sound of her raspy voice. Her cordless phone with the caller id on it was in her bedroom. She had a really old phone here by the kitchen. It still worked, but it didn't have caller id on it like the newer ones did. On the list of things to update with her meager household fund, an old, but working telephone was at the bottom of that list.
"Sharon, hey, hope I'm not bothering you," she heard. She smiled slightly and sat down at the table.
"No, you're not. I was enjoying the quiet after putting the kids to bed," she explained.
"Oh, well, then, sorry to bother. We can talk another time," he said.
"I'm glad you called, Andy," she said quietly but in a stately tone. "I feel like we left things unsaid."
"Yeah," he sighed. "We did, and I felt like we needed some closure today, some clarification. First-" he said, but she interrupted.
"Andy, about last night," she said when she interrupted him.
"Look, Sharon, I have been going over this all day, not sure where to start, but let me say that I know things got way, way out of hand last night. I never ever expected things to get that crazy. Truthfully, I figured a successful evening would have been sitting at dinner with you, even just talking as you clarified we were just friends. I mean, to think of what was reality verses what I imagined-"
"Andy," Sharon said again. "Listen-"
Andy sighed. Sharon heard it too. The line was quiet, but finally, he said, "Okay, Sharon. I've tried to play out this conversation in my head all day. Let me just say that I'm sorry we slept together last night. That was not in the cards, and that's what I've been trying to say, just stumbling on my words. One thing led to another. You wanted to just be friends. Then, you didn't just want that, but I think that is still ultimately what you do want. I didn't just want that either; I've found myself more and more attracted to you. Things escalated. A dessert invite became way more. We got out of control. Two lonely people who found comfort in each other. I know it shouldn't have happened. You have a lot on your plate. I have a lot on mine. I'm an alcoholic. You were married to one and shouldn't trust me for anything. We both have kids who make life crazy, but we wouldn't have it any other way. We both have these crazy, messy lives now, and for a few brief moments, okay, a couple hours," he corrected, "we crossed that line and—It was a moment of weakness. We were both lonely, and that's no excuse. It's always been a weakness. I know it was a huge mistake, and I just hope we can recover. I'll say it again; I'm sorry we slept together last night."
Sharon took a deep breath, "Well, I'm not."