Ch. 33
Naruto unlocked his apartment door, then turned to Kakashi and said, "Thanks, Sensei…for everything."
Kakashi gave a small nod and said, "Anytime." as he started walking away.
As Naruto stepped inside, he realized Sasuke still hadn't come back yet. He decided to leave the key under the mat for Sasuke just in case he had fallen asleep by the time Sasuke got home. He was used to Sasuke's sometimes short/sometimes long meditations by now so he decided he'd just start getting ready for his mission tomorrow. He and Kakashi had already gone over some possible situations on their way back to his apartment, so he decided he'd just get his gear ready then meditate. Hopefully that would be enough to help him be ready to adapt to whatever happened at this meeting tomorrow.
He walked over into his room and started getting the gear he would take with him ready. He shouldn't need too much ninja gear, but like Kakashi said, he needed to be ready to adapt to any situation.
After he had finished getting all of his gear ready, he took off his jumpsuit and folded it so that it would be ready for tomorrow. He opened one of his vanity drawers and then got his pajamas ready.
He finished getting his gear ready in even less time than he thought. He looked over to the clock on his nightstand. 9:43PM. It wasn't too late, so he decided he'd get ready for bed, then meditate until he felt sleepy or Sasuke got back.
He decided to take a shower, then slipped into his pajamas. After he had finished brushing his teeth, he sat cross-legged on his bed and closed his eyes. He had a long, unpredictable day ahead of him tomorrow, so he had to be ready for anything.
Sakura was now getting ready to leave the BBQ grill. Her and Ino were the only ones from the group who were still there. They had stayed to talk about girl stuff in general, nothing major. Sakura had actually enjoyed herself more than she thought she would. It had been a while since she had actually been able to relax and enjoy herself with friends since Tsunade had her working overtime at the hospital. It made sense though. Ever since Hikan's attack, the hospital had been really busy. It was only now that things were starting to slow down. Between taking care of Naruto and running back and forth between patients, she was stretched thin. This night was a much needed break from everything.
She waved goodbye to Ino as the two went their separate ways. It was getting late, so the streets weren't as active as they were earlier in the day. It gave the village a mildly eerie vibe. There were a few travelers here and there, but the streets definitely had less traffic than usual.
As she headed back to her apartment, she found herself thinking about the events of the day. She was glad that Naruto and Sasuke were now awake and that things were finally settling down. Sasuke had returned to the village and Naruto was looking like his old self more and more.
She would normally feel a lot happier due to the recent developments, but the problem was that things were possibly gonna pick up again. Naruto was meeting Hikan tomorrow…alone. She couldn't help but feel a little concerned as she wondered just what would happen when the two met. Hopefully it wouldn't evolve into anything more than just a meeting and Naruto would be able to get the information they wanted with no hassle. She felt her anxiety rising and decided to think of something else instead. Thinking of just about anything would be less stressful than thinking about tomorrow.
She started thinking about Sasuke and how he had did a 180 after meeting the Sage. She had wanted to talk to him, but she wasn't sure if he'd still be meditating at the Hokage Monument. Sometimes he'd meditate for hours, but sometimes he'd meditate for shorter periods of time. She thought to herself for a second and decided that it was more likely that he'd be there for hours with all that had happened during the day. Not only that, tomorrow would be an unpredictable day as well so he'd need to be as prepared as possible. She decided to check to see if he was still there. At the worst, he just wouldn't be there, and she'd talk to him tomorrow. She looked at her watch. 9:57 PM. She better hurry up. It was getting kinda late and she wanted to wake up early so she could see Naruto off. She cracked her neck, then started to jog towards the monument.
As she reached the top, she hopped onto the monument and quickly searched each Hokage's head. No sign of Sasuke. He must've already left. She wore a small smile then thought to herself, 'I'll talk to him tomorrow then…'
As she got ready to descend the steps, she heard a voice behind her. "A while ago Kakashi was the one stalking me, now you…"
She knew that voice. She smiled and turned around to see Sasuke. He was still there after all. He actually looked a little worn. He must've been not only meditating, but training as well.
After a small pause, she replied in a friendly voice, "I promise I have a good reason…"
Sasuke raised an eyebrow and said, "So you admit you're stalking me?..."
Sakura smirked and said, "I don't think this really counts as stalking per se…"
After a short pause, Sasuke shrugged then walked over to Hashirama's head and sat down. He looked out over the city and said, "Well, since you're here, what did you want to talk about?"
Sakura sat down next to him and after a short pause, she said, "I know you said you didn't want to talk about it…but the Sage… Just what did he say to you?..." She wore a confused expression and said, "You came out a different person, Sasuke..."
Sasuke wore a small grin and said, "I thought that might be the reason for your visit…"
Sakura raised her hands defensively and said, "I'm sorry. I know you don't want to talk about it…but-"
Sasuke interrupted, "You're hoping whatever he told me, can help you..."
Sakura smiled and gave a small nod. Her face was filled with desperation. Sasuke could see that she not only wanted an answer, she needed one. As he looked back out to Konoha, he remembered what Hagoromo had said about using what he had learned to help others.
He let out a small sigh as he looked out into the village. After a short pause, he turned to Sakura and said, "He told me many things. He told me that life revolves around change. That it could be painful, beautiful, and a lot of other things…but that it's usually a mix of everything."
He paused for a second, then continued in a more reflective voice, "I had been trying to run from my pain for a long time, but he helped me realize that pain is a part of everyone's journey. You can't escape it, but you can choose not to let it encompass your whole journey… To do that, you have to learn from your past so that you can better focus on the future. If you don't, you're gonna spend you're whole life living in the past. And if you're living in the past, I don't think you're really living…Trust me...I've done it for a long time..." Sakura gave a sad smile as she looked down into her lap.
Sasuke studied her then continued in a low voice, "He also told me that I don't have to be defined by my past. That I could choose a different future… And that I shouldn't let what I've done in the past define who I am…but that I should be defined by what I do now."
Sakura let out a small smile as she made the connections between what the Sage had said and Sasuke's new attitude. It made sense now. She just wished she could apply that advice to her own life… "Now it makes sense...I just wish I could move forward like you did." She let out a small chuckle then said, "Maybe I need to meet the Sage..."
Sasuke replied, "It's not as much about the teacher as it is about what you do with the lessons learned..." Sakura looked down pensively as she thought about the truth of that statement.
After a long pause, Sasuke said, "He also talked to me about my quest for redemption. I'd spent a long time trying to redeem myself, but I knew that I could never do enough to redeem myself…not in my own eyes…"
Sakura wore a small frown. She had been feeling the same way. After what she had done to Naruto, she didn't really feel like she'd ever be able to redeem herself. No matter what she did, that guilt…it lingered. It just wouldn't go away…
As Sasuke looked out over the village, he said, "I know that you know you won't ever do enough either. Making that jumpsuit, everything else you've done for him; it wont take away the guilt. The only way to do that is to forgive yourself."
As a small tear rolled down Sakura's cheek, she said, "You're the second person who's told me to do that…"
Sasuke tilted his head and said, "Maybe that's a sign that you should listen…"
As she looked out into the village, she looked down into the direction of Naruto's apartment. She used her hand to wipe away the tears that had fallen down her cheek and said, "How could... I still remember the look on his face when he realized what I did..."
After a short pause, Sasuke said in a soft voice, "You forgive yourself by realizing you can't change the past, you can only affect the future..."
Sakura looked down and said, "It's not that simple…"
Sasuke replied in an understanding voice, "I know...but as far as I know, it's the only way..."
After a moment of silence between the two, Sakura said in a silent voice, "Sorry if I interrupted your meditating or your training or whatever it was you were doing up here…"
Sasuke stood up and said, "It's no problem. I was planning on going back to Naruto's apartment a little early anyway. He's got a long day ahead of him and I don't want him staying up waiting for me…"
Sakura gave a small smile and said, "He waits for you?..."
Sasuke slightly rolled his eyes and said, "More like he falls asleep trying..."
Sakura let out a small giggle then said in an affectionate voice, "He's Naruto…"
Sasuke smirked and said, "He's Naruto…"
As Sakura stood up and got ready to leave, Sasuke looked at her and said, "So what are you going to do now?"
She looked out over the village and said, "I'll have to think about everything you said...then I'll decide what to do."
Sasuke gave a respectful nod and said, "Ok."
As the two started walking down the steps, Sakura turned to Sasuke and said, "Do you believe in fate?"
Sasuke wore an amused smile and said, "You know I asked Kakashi that question a little while after I first came back..."
Sakura's eyes widened a little, then she gave him a small nudge to the side and said, "I never would've pegged you to be the type to believe in fate."
Sasuke smiled at that. Now that he said it, it seemed kinda awkward to him as well. He just shrugged it off and said, "Do you want to know what Kakashi's answer was?"
Sakura looked at him expectantly. After a few seconds, he smiled and said, "He told me that the only type of fate he believed in was the kind you make happen..."
Sakura thought about it for a second then smiled and said, "That sounds like something he would say..."
Sasuke turned to her and said, "But do you really understand his answer?"
Sakura gave him a blank stare. Sasuke thought she didn't get it so he smiled and decided to explain it to her. He said in a soft voice, "If you make something happen, it isn't fate. Kakashi's answer indirectly shows that he doesn't believe in fate." Sasuke looked out into the distance and said, "From everything we talked about that night, I think he was trying to show me that fate is a word that's usually used by people who have lost sight of their path..."
Sakura looked down for a moment then let out a sad smile and said, "Now I get it…"
Sasuke noted her reaction and said in a silent voice, "Don't beat yourself up too much. It's just a process... You'll figure it out."
Sakura felt a little happier after he said that. She knew he was talking from experience, so it felt good to know that someone had walked the same path she was walking and come out ok.
As the two reached the bottom of the steps, Sasuke said, "I'll walk you home."
Sakura quickly replied, "No way! My apartment is after Naruto's, and you said he's probably waiting for you. He needs to rest up for tomorrow..."
Sakura replied in a monotone voice, "He'll be fine."
Sakura said in a noticeably firm voice, "No way. We're stopping by Naruto's first. You know I can take care of myself and the streets still have a few people on them anyway..."
Sasuke could tell she had already made up her mind and he didn't feel like arguing, so he just shrugged his shoulders and kept walking.
As they walked up to Naruto's apartment, Sasuke said, "Are you going to come inside?"
She wasn't really thinking that far ahead, so the question kinda caught her off guard. She used to stop by his apartment frequently before missions, but after she betrayed him, he had made sure that she didn't feel all that welcome anymore. She let out a small sigh as she thought about their checkered past. If she went in right now, he'd probably act normal because of their status as comrades, but she surprisingly found herself not wanting to be there if that was the case. If she was there, she wanted to at least be there as his friend. His real friend. Anything else would just feel...fake. Maybe one day they'd get back to where they were, but that day wasn't today. For now, he just felt like something she couldn't reach...
She let out a small sigh and said in a soft voice, "No. Not today..."
Sasuke nodded and said, "Ok." He knew it was a sensitive subject so he decided not to push it. The two waved their goodbyes, then Sakura started walking in the direction of her house while Sasuke walked up to Naruto's door and grabbed the key from under the mat.
Naruto had one eye open as he waited to see what Sakura would do. Not only was he meditating, but he was also a sensory ninja so he'd noticed when the two had arrived. As he felt her walking away, he half-smiled at the memories of how she used to visit him before missions. Sometimes she'd bring different types of food for them to try. Just doing things with friends always helped him lighten up before more serious missions. His favorite times were when they just ate ramen together. He smiled as he thought about how Kakashi had told him to also think about some good things from their past. Those memories were definitely good...
He got up out of his bed as his front door opened then looked over to the clock on his nightstand. 10:39 PM. He hadn't meditated for that long, but he felt like he was already in better mental shape for tomorrow. He decided he'd just talk to Sasuke, then turn in for the night. As he opened his bedroom door, he said, "You decided to do one of those long meditations, huh?"
Sasuke gave a simple nod as he took off his shoes and started walking towards the bathroom. Naruto noticed he looked a little too worn out to have just been meditating, so he gave him an eye squint and said, "You said you'd be meditating…not training…"
Sasuke gave a small shrug and said, "Things just happened that way."
Naruto tightened his upper lip and said, "I'm sure…"
Sasuke smirked as he walked into the bathroom, then said, "You don't have to wait up for me you know."
Naruto said, "Yeah, but I already wanted to meditate some...so it just happened that way…" Sasuke wore a full grin at Naruto's imitation of his earlier statement. Sasuke said in a firm voice, "Just get some sleep man. You don't know what tomorrow's gonna bring." Naruto let out a small nod as Sasuke walked into the bathroom.
Before he closed the door, Naruto said in the most uninterested voice he could muster, "What was Sakura doing here?"
Sasuke turned and matched Naruto's uninterested voice with a nonchalant attitude of his own. "She came to the monument. She just wanted to talk about some things."
Naruto was wondering what they had talked about, but he had to keep up his uninterested attitude, so he said in a carefree voice, "Oh...Ok. I'm gonna turn in. Good night."
Sasuke said, "Night." as he closed the bathroom door.
As Naruto got under his sheets he found himself in a more calmed state of mind. He felt ready for tomorrow, but he couldn't help feeling a little jittery. He shrugged as he decided it was better to be a little jittery than anxious. He looked up at the ceiling and thought to himself, 'Tomorrow's the day… Tomorrow's the day…'
Author's Note
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