A/N: Ahhh, it's been a busy week for this hack. Scream Fortress, Tomb of Doom (Hearthstone event, don't judge!) and of course, the finale of My Little Pony. Despite all this, here is your regularly scheduled chapter. MAILBAG!~
Alfamega20000: I think I read that story. Maybe. It was the one where the guy has knives made out of spider fangs, right? But yes, Koei is stupid. (It's more like less than 5 days since the Elder Dragon incident anyway, yikes.)
AkiraArchus: The Big Tiddy Onee-San was inevitable. Especially with Neptune not being around to take that CPU Memory in the first place.
Blaze2121: Oh I'm sure Koei will love trying to make peace with a CPU he knee'd in the fucking face. But yeah, he did take on Blanc and scarecly win… With some help.
EnderSoul1401: Mellow is a relative term. Mature, maybe? She certainly seems like she's seen some more shit that HD Blanc.
And UD IF seeing HD IF as her mother? Adorable imagery. Also slightly sad because UD IF is probably too young to remember her birth mother. :(
With that, the chaos resumes in 3… 2… 1...
…
…
Hello again.
Goddammit to hell, you?
Yes, me. I'm not thrilled to be communicating with you, either.
Ah, mutual hatred. Glad to see we're on the same page!
Regardless, you sort of failed in your last task, hmm?
The fuck? How did I fail, all you told me was that an artifact was in danger.
The CPU Memory?
Okay, now you're just being obtuse. I had no idea that existed beforehand, only got to the place it was located through a series of coincidences and then lost it through no fault of my own!
… I suppose you have a point. Perhaps the vague nature of my requests are a tad unhelpful.
Now you realize. What's the importance of keeping that CPU Memory safe anyway?
Well, if White Heart has the CPU Memo-
She doesn't? I thought you were omnipotent. Peashy used it and kicked White Heart to the curb.
… OH. All I felt was that the CPU Memory had disappeared. I didn't know it was consumed. My apologies, good work.
Thank you. Right, so now what?
Your next task is to go to Lowee and find the Raven who resides there. They will be a valuable ally to you.
Cool, but Blanc kind of rejected my notion of helping her get home, so…
Just convince her somehow. You need to be in Lowee and you need to find the Raven. It's not like you have anything better to do, anyway.
You have a point. While I'm here, who's Filyn?
Nobody important.
CHROMEY I CAN HEAR YOU TALKING ABOUTH… ABOUT ME!
You sure?
100%.
Man, these chats are getting weirder and weirder. This "Chrome" woman seems to be a good enough "mysterious guiding voice", though.
Still though, this Raven sounds useful to have, but I'd have to see for myself. Say, isn't there something missing?
Ah, there's the dull thudding pain of a well earned hangover. I missed this, somehow! Stockholm Syndrome is a very real thing, apparently.
Opening my eyes, the gaudy bedroom unfolded before me, filling my eyes with oh dear god it's so gaudy! Giving myself a minute or two to adjust to the combination of light and garish colours, I eventually dragged myself out of bed and put on my Planeptune getup again. Grabbing my bag, I ensured that everything was as it was and aside from a distinct lack of alcohol, my bag was fine and was equipped thusly, Serenity fitting snugly onto my back.
Exiting the bedroom at last, I took a look around. According to my watch, it was about 9am and unsurprisingly, the kids and Histoire were awake, having breakfast rather nicely. I for my part preferred tea in the morning, so I headed towards the kettle and started on some tea without a word.
Several minutes of silence on my end later, I arrived at the table, tea in hand. "Waddup?" I ask simply, as I held the hot mug in my hands, standing there like a dumbass.
"Ah, Koei. Good morning! (^_^)" Histoire greeted casually, an apparent lack of stress despite the children surrounding her. It was shockingly quiet for once. "I assume you are doing well?"
I shrug as much as I could with a full cup in my hand, "More or less. But enough about me, where's Blanc? I need to discuss something with her."
"O-oh! O_o" Histoire panicked slightly."She left just before you woke up. She said something about urgent business and left after thanking me again. Is there something you needed from her? (・_・;)" She asked with some hesitation.
"Yeah I wanted to make sure she'd get back to Lowee alright. Do you think I'd be able to catch up if I left now?"
"Hmmm… According to my calculations, assuming that Blanc didn't use her CPU form to ease travel times, it should take you approximately… 30 minutes, given your difference in stature and presumably walking speed? (・・;)"
"Good enough. Thanks Histoire!" I thanked, painfully chugging boiling tea down my throat. OW. FUCK. "D-Don't do that, kids." I desperately tried to be a role model and fail, falling onto the table much to their collective amusement. Ow. Again. "W-well, as long as I'm still here, where exactly would Lowee be, and what would be the most efficient route?" I asked the book fairy, curious to see if she would be of any assistance.
"I believe heading north through the Ages Range will lead you to a vast autumn forest. Lowee should be somewhere within that dense wood. Don't tell me you're actually going there, though… (・・?)" Histoire infodumped somewhat nervously, as I gradually backed into the elevator.
"Nahhhh," I vehemently lied as I pushed the button to close the elevator, equipment in tow. "Goodluckhavefundontgoinsanefrombabysitting byeeee!" I got out quickly before the doors closed and the elevator went down. Sorry Histoire, but I have amends to make. Oh and this Raven to find.
Ah, the fresh Planeptune morning air, smells like victory. And air, very obviously. Still, I looked around for any sort of ravine, which was fruitless due to the buildings that surrounded me. Sighing in frustration, I headed towards any sort of nearby citizen I could find. There was one person standing at a stall, selling fruit, so I went towards them.
"Hey, sorry to be a bother, lovely stand by the way, but do you know how to get to the Ages Range?" I ask as nonchalantly as possible, attempting to remain innocent in my intentions.
It seemed to have worked. "Oh, I know where that is. But this is a business after all, so…"
I sighed. I'm sure there were some Credits after yesterday's escapades. "How much do you want? I haven't got much, but I'm willing to pay."
The merchant shook her head. "Your money isn't required. You came out of the Basilicom, right?" I nodded. "Excellent. I'll give you your information in exchange for something I want to know. You see, you hear a lot of things as a merchant. Small talk, rumors, complaints, that sort of thing. But I've been hearing two rumors about our CPU in particular, two very conflicting ones."
"Ah, you wish to know the secrets of the Basilicom? This is a great honor to bestow onto you, humble merchant." I state regally, trying to hide the fact that I was in fact, a hobo.
She seemed to buy it. "Yes, as is a basic direction. Now then, there are two prevailing rumors about Her Ladyship Iris Heart. One is that she's an adorable sleepy ball of fluff and kindness and the other being that she's a massive sadist who gets off on pain. Tell me, with your exposure to her, which rumor is true?"
I shrugged. "Both are true."
The merchant's jaw dropped. "S-Son on a bitch. I owe Falcom so many Credits now… I uh, yes thank you for answering my question. If you want to get to the Ages Range, you should head that way!" She pointed to the right, indicating North (probably), as she resigned herself to her fate. Don't know who this Falcom is, but it seems like she had a bet going.
"Well, thanks for that. Have a nice day Miss!" I walked off in the direction indicated, happy to not get lost. Sure, I had a compass on me, but I didn't see it in my backpack, so it was probably in my completely inaccessible inventory.
That and the one time I did use it, I'm pretty sure it was pointing in the wrong direction anyway. Fucking useless grarbage. Still, it was like… 100 Credits? Whatever. Guess I'mma catch up to Blanc now.
It's been about… 40 minutes I guess? Checking my watch, it read 10am. Assuming that it wasn't wrong as well, that sounds about right for how much I've been walking. The Ages Range was rather breathtaking, with two massive peaks flanking a small opening for people to pass through. Well, I say small, but it was easily large enough for a carriage or a train or something similar. It was relative to the peaks that surrounded the plain.
Despite my butchered description, the area was rather quaint. There were a few mobs, but they seemed non-hostile, so I left them be. Even the weird horses with wings instead of forelegs. They looked like mutated geese, eugh. I should have killed them anyway, but I was feeling merciful today. That and I had someone to catch up to.
The range went on for a while, the mountains providing plenty of shade from the beating sunlight. There were some smaller creatures in the long grass I couldn't make out too much, but they reminded me of Terriers. You know, those small, hairy dogs. There were also orange Dogoos flopping around, doing their Dogoo thing. As I said, these creatures were surprisingly peaceful, so I headed through the Ages Range with little excitement aside from the nature surrounding me. It was nice to not have to murder things for once.
Still, after about 15 minutes of gradually quickening walking, I made it out of the range, a long plain unfolding before me with a beautifully crisp autumn forest in the distance along with… A pagoda? Is that where Lowee is located? Huh. Still, I ventured onward, my pace not slowed by my equipment nor my hesitation. Nor my hangover.
After a bit, my eyes saw a speck of white and red off in the distance. Could it be Blanc? My pace quickened even more into a full on jog, I hurried forward, attempting to catch up with the CPU.
While it did seem she was getting closer, my body was already aching from the continued exertion, my legs burning and my breathing becoming more and more like pants as I struggled to keep pace. Eventually after what felt like an eternity I managed to almost catch up, when I felt something give out and I collapsed onto the ground, my knee suddenly roaring in pain.
RIGHT. I forgot I smashed White Heart with my knee yesterday and now I just managed to sprint for who knows how long on it before it decided that yes, it was still damaged.
My yells of pain were probably not the most graceful thing, but it did cause a shadow to come over me while I writhed in agony. Let me death be quick, oh mysterious creature.
Oh it's just Blanc. "Goddammit." She said in frustration, pinching the bridge of where her nose should be. "I left early to avoid you, yet here you are, collapsed in pain and waiting for the wild populace to murder you." She sighed in frustration before getting up and walking around me, the breeze providing a brief peek of- NO, KOEI YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND.
Eventually she jammed a healing potion down my throat and I chugged appreciatively before she got back up and backed away. A few moments of fading pain and I was back on my feet as I slammed the glass bottle down into the ground as it shattered then dissipated into data.
"Thanks for that, Blanc!" I thanked as I stretched my arms before grabbing my backpack and picking it back up and placing it onto its normal position. "So, want me to accompany you to Lowee? Just to make sure no assassins or whatever come out to try and kill you, of course." I offer in my most "I have no ulterior motives" tone of voice.
She seemed to buy it. "Whatever. Come along, then. You could be of some use if I happen to be ambushed for some reason. Suppose it would be easier than trying to get you to leave me alone anyway." Blanc motioned for me to follow and I did as such. It was weird for me to be taking orders from someone significantly shorter than I was, but it was that I came quietly.
"So…" I begin, trying to break the ice. "You alright after yesterday's ahem misunderstanding?" I rubbed the back of my head sheepishly as I recalled yesterday's fiasco of a throwdown. Blanc for her part looked mostly healed up, aside from a few bruises around her face and cuts on her arms.
"I'm fine." She stated in no uncertain terms, almost bitterly as we walked towards the orange forest that Lowee was hidden in. "I would prefer it if you kept your mouth shut for the remainder of this journey. As despite the fact that I don't want to kill you right now, that urge rises whenever you open your mouth, so for both of our sakes, keep your mouth shut."
While I couldn't see her face from behind her, I could feel the anger dripping from her voice alone. I don't know what triggered her sudden burst of rage, but I decided to keep a step or two behind her, lest I get hammered again. And not in the fun alcoholic way either.
Thus we trekked through the forest pathway, the leaves crunching as I kept my mouth shut as Blanc commanded. Honestly, small talk aside this is really peaceful. Off the path were some more orange dogoos, hiding in the piles of gold, orange and red leaves waiting to strike, but stood out anyway because of their eyes and muzzle. Endearing, if ultimately stupid, Dogoos are pretty cute when they're not trying to murder you, I guess.
Not really much else to this forest as we followed the path. After a while, we saw a Japanese-styled gate with a pair of guards guarding it. They dressed similarly to Blanc herself, with her outfits being mostly red and white with some accents of gold to match the autumn theme that I've been noticing. Then again, the weather hasn't really been a thing aside from it snowing back in Hyperdimension's Lowee, so maybe this place is in a perpetual state of one season? What sweet hell is this...
Blanc stopped suddenly, forcing me to stop to avoid bumping into her. "Stay here, I'm going to go talk to the guards. Lowee is very protective when it comes to foreigners, so…" A flash of light enveloped her as the now familiar form of White Heart walked to the guards stationed. From the distance I was from them, I couldn't make out what they were saying, but White Heart did point at me once or twice. A few minutes later, White Heart walked off into Lowee as one of the guards motioned me to approach her.
"Honored Guest Koei, I'm afraid I must confiscate your equipment." She stated apologetically. "Only authorized personnel are allowed to be armed in Lowee, it's a peacekeeping measure you see."
I complied by handing over my equipment, including my backpack with Peace and Tranquility in, as I had no reason to distrust her at this point. After she placed the sheathed Serenity to her side and put on my backpack, she started walking into Lowee and I followed closely.
"So, you're part of the border patrol?" I ask the young woman, who herself was armed with a rifle that was practically vintage back home, but seemed to be standard issue here.
"Yeah. Lady White Heart is such a great CPU, so being able to pay her back by keeping undesirables out of Lowee is like a dream come true!" Her eyes practically sparkled as we walked through the Japanese inspired township. Having never been to Japan, it was nice for a change of pace, with all these pagodas and huts around it felt less like home for once, which made sense considering where I currently was.
"Undesirables, huh?" I wonder aloud, with the young guard still carrying my equipment as we passed by some citizens of Lowee, who seemed content with their lives as we passed through. "Guess it's working, because this place is very peaceful."
She beamed at my compliment. "Thank you! I've only been a guard for a month, but it's important to work for the glory of Lowee! Lady White Heart has high standards for us al, so it's best to keep to those standards!"
Eventually we hit a large pagoda like structure. "Here we are, Lowee Castle, the crown jewel of our glorious Nation!" She stated simply as we headed in.
"So where are we going?" I ask, unsure of why we were heading downstairs into a less well kept part of the castle. This surely can't be where the guest rooms are.
Despite her initial excitement, she seemed apprehensive to answer the question. Once we turned the corner, I found out why.
Several empty jail cells lay before us and as we ventured into the prison deeper I saw they were fairly basic affairs. A sink, a toilet and a bed attached to the wall via chains. If this was the guest bedroom, then Lowee must not get many visitors.
"So, now that you've shown me the prison cell, you're gonna show me the actual place I'll be staying in, right?" I knew the answer before the question even left me lips, but just in case this was some sort of elaborate prank I played along.
To no surprise, she shook her head. "My apologies, but Lady White Heart's orders are absolute. Please get in the cell, prisoner." She stated solemnly as she unlocked the jail door. I complied, not wanting to get the girl in trouble before it slammed behind me and with a click, locked as well.
I looked at her, not even trying to hide the hurt in my eyes. "Why would you stab me in the back like this? You called me Honored Guest and made me feel welcome just to throw me into a cell?"
The girl shook her head again. "Those were her orders too. "Make him feel comfortable and welcome while you take him to the cell, I'll deal with him personally tomorrow." If it makes you feel any better, it seems like she'll just execute you rather than go through due process. Lady White Heart was very angry at you in particular for some reason."
I nodded my head in understanding, now sat on the bed. "I see. Well, you were just doing your job, miss. No hard feelings."
"My next shift will be working as her bodyguard, so I might learn more then. Sorry, Koei…"
And with that she walked off, with my shit as I sat in the dark, dingy cell alone, waiting for execution.
Well, if I'm going to die, I might as well die well rested. Lying down onto the bed, I looked up at the ceiling, which was similarly dark and dingy. Least this was consistent.
I thought back to the conversations with Blanc yesterday. Was she being genuine when she talked about how much of a failure she felt as another CPU entered the world? Why would she let me follow her, just to throw me into a cell at the first chance she had? Was her kindness a facade for a brutal dictator?
Wait…
Anyone could take advantage of your trusting nature…
Keep your friends close, and your enemies closer…
Did she plan for this to happen and once she was out of the Basilicom, not need to put up a facade, thus leading to her attitude towards me?
I sighed. This was a complicated issue to say the least. I don't even know if Blanc considers me an enemy or if this is a ploy to make her look good in front of her citizens.
And on top of all this, I haven't heard jack shit about this Raven, even know they're why I'm in this hellhole in the first place.
"Goddammit!" I slammed my hand onto the bed, it bouncing off of the surprisingly springy mattress. Nothing about this made any sense and I was going to die confused at the hands of a loli.
"Ara ara…" Came a familiar yet somewhat unfamiliar voice. Getting up to look at the source of the voice, it was the final member of the CPU crew, Vert.
Unsurprisingly considering the trend, her body was generally the same as her counterpart's, with the major difference being the clothing. Instead of green and white, black and green was the name of the game here, though it was significantly more bluish in hue as opposed to the royal green of Hyperdimension Vert. This was still Vert, so her clothing emphasised her assets nicely. To the point where I'm not even sure she's wearing a bra and that's worrying.
After scanning her up and down a few times, I put on a feign of ignorance. "Who are you?" I ask innocently, eliciting a giggle from the busty lady.
"Nobody important, just a maiden passing through Lowee. I must admit though, it was a fair bit more difficult than simply getting thrown into jail. My name is Vert, though you can refer to me as Your Ladyship if you want."
It seems someone was bigging up their status to look more impressive. "I'll pass," I state simply before getting off the bed and leaning against a wall instead. "Name's Koei. Koei Tech. Do you happen to be the Raven?"
Another giggle elicited from Vert. "Oh heavens no. Though I have heard rumors of someone by that name while sneaking around this dungeon, I have not seen anyone would goes by that name. I did however, get this." She slipped a bobby pin out of her sleeve and got to work picking the lock. "I must admit, as much as i love Lowee, they really need to amp up their security measures… And there!"
With a click, the door slid open, allowing me to escape. Walking out, I gave a curt nod to the woman. "Thank you, Vert. I just have one question, though. Why are you here in Lowee?"
Another polite giggle from Vert. "Ara ara, Koei-kun. You ask almost as many questions as Blanc-chan. Is it so wrong to want to be with my dear little sister?"
I uh…
What.
Noticing my silence, she continued. "You see, when I first became a CPU just a few short years ago, I realized that I would never have my dream of a little sister. Even if I was to find one, due to my inability to age, they would eventually become older than me in appearance, so calling them "-chan" would get weird. Ever since then, I've been finding out if the CPU of Lowee is in fact, a little girl and trying to get her to be my "Blanc-chan" so we can rule Leanbox together. This has involved a lot of trial and error and I've spent many a night here in these cells after a plan went awry. It's also how I learned to lockpick, because I eventually got tired of waiting to make my escape when I would be escorted to my execution."
Jesus, Blanc does not fuck around. "Does Blanc know you're a CPU, or?"
The lolicon shook her head. "Alas, no. We have not even met in person, as she refuses to see me despite my many requests to meet. Even when I tell the guards that I am in fact, CPU Green Heart they laugh me off before escorting to a cell. Is having a little sister so wrong, Koei-kun?"
Every part of me was screaming YES YOU SICK FUCK but considering she just saved me from potential execution, I decided to relent. "You have… Eccentric tastes, Vert. Say, would you happen to know where the contraband for the prisoners are stored?"
"Down this hall, turn right, third door on the left and you'll need a guard key." She listed almost instinctively. For the first time it felt like she had some shame. "I kept bringing my spear, hand forged by one of my citizens here and it obviously kept being confiscated, forcing me to get it back. I didn't bring it this time, thankfully. Speaking of, the guard will be on patrol in… about a minute, so I'll be off before I get captured again. Goodbye, Koei-kun!"
And with that, off she fucked to the right of the hall, where I originally entered from along with the guard. Speaking of, I had an idea on how to acquire a key.
Walking back into my cell and closing the unlocked door to make it seem like I was still stuck in here, I waited until the guard passed me by. She seemed to be a different one than the nice girl who apologised before jailing me, so I didn't need to feel bad about what was about to happen.
As soon as she passed by the door and I was out of her view, I swung the door open, causing the lady to be caught by surprise. Quicking grabbing her rifle now that I was out of the cell, I smashed it against her face hard, knocking her over as I pointed the old wooden gun at her, ready to fire if she tried to get up. Thankfully, it seems the combination of the impact of the gun butt against her face and the fall managed to be enough to knock her out without any lasting consequence, but I wasn't Compa.
Dragging the body into my cell, I felt around her for any keys. Vert said I needed one to get into the contraband room, right? A few minutes of gently rolling her body across the floor to minimise contact and I find a ring of keys… Attached to her belt. I didn't have time to try and fumble the right key out, what do I do…
Oh god.
Muttering a silent prayer for forgiveness, I began stripping the guard of her clothing. Shoes, then her knee pads wait what why and then…
Her shorts. Her short shorts. I get that this version of Lowee is warmer, but it's weird to think that this is the fucking dress code when their pants barely qualify as such.
With much trepidation, I pried the belt off of the unconscious guard, thankfully not having to remove any more articles of clothing. Spending a minute of two fiddling with the large ring yielded nothing, so I threw the bastard thing against the wall. To my shock, the metal ring snapped in two, allowing me to grab all the keys individually, placing them in my pocket.
I turned to leave, but the guard was still unconscious and partially stripped of clothing, which could come back to haunt me if I didn't at least put her clothes back on. So on went the belt again (Though I just wrapped it around where it was placed before, not fastening it.), then her knee pads (why) and then finally her clog-like red shoes so that she can wish to go home again.
With that, keys acquired and guard taken care of, I finally left the jail cell for good, taking care to lock it before I left, just in case she woke up early.
Now where did Vert say the contraband was? This way, right? I walked down the path not taken and as instructed, took a right. This led to some stairs that led back into the more wooden part of the castle, so the dungeon was either smaller than I anticipated or simply was the start of it. Either way, not willing to find out.
Ahh, the wooden Japanese pagoda like structure of Lowee Castle. The floor creaked as I looked for the fabled third to to the contraband room, occasionally taking a look outside to see a zen-like garden where guards were relaxing, not really talking about just sitting there, legs crossed as they simply breathed.
Breathing is fun.
Still, I tread carefully before finding the third door on the left, thankfully labeled "Contraband". I took out my new collection of keys and attempted to jam them in the look, Some fit, some didn't, but none of them would unlock the door. I'm pretty sure I used a few keys twice, but eventually I got the right key in the hole as the door opened and hot damn.
It was as you expected from a contraband room, a ton of weapons of all shapes and sizes lay every which way. Some rifles, a few pistols, even a shotgun. Sadly, I was not in the market for a buckshot blaster and stealing is wrong. Okay sure, I assaulted a guard, stripped her and stole her keys, but the shotgun is a step too far. That and I don't think there were any shells for it anyway.
Still, my stuff was neatly placed in a corner, so I went to grab that, but not before checking that everything was untouched, which it was thankfully.
I forgot I had closed the door behind me, as it had opened again. Shit. Breathing in, I took Peace and Tranquillity out of the bag, before turning to the new entrant and screaming "HANDS IN THE FUCKING AIR OR I'LL SHOOT!"
"Wagh!" The person who I threatened fell over, exposing their legs as they struggled to get up. Still, those boots… Keeping Peace and Tranquillity primed, I walked over to the downed person, stepping over various bits and pieces before finally being able to see their face.
That goddamn face. It wasn't a guard, Vert or even Blanc herself, but it was someone I never thought I'd see here.
"I-IFFY?!"
"KOEI!?"