Author's Note: A bit of a different style to spice things up. Speaking of spice, FANMAIL!
AngelTheDragon1992: Aw, thank you!
Guest: My precious ringu…
Xbox432: I think Koei and Nepu have a budding hate filled friendship on the horizon. I'd ship them, but Neptune's a loli. Also Ploot is adorable, I'm planning on a sequel/spinoff focusing on her.
BrokenLifeCycle: Fun fact: That lowkey rant about Planeptune? I entirely made it up. That nation is probably fucked and it's all Neptune's fault.
TheHandsomeDevil066: Oh you sweet summer child, you have no idea… Until you read this, then you have an idea.
Also, THIS SHIT HIT 100 FOLLOWS HOLY FUCKING HELL I'M SO HAPPY THANK YOU ALL YOU BEATUIFUL BASTARDS
AHEM
Yeah that's pretty neat. Totally didn't make my day or anything. Tsundere noises
Right, on with the chapter!
Walking out of LAN Castle, the sun hit our faces, causing me to blink a few times as my eyes readjusted to the light. Still, we were out.
"Wonder what Iffy's up to with that Guild thing she mentioned?…" I ponder aloud, taking the plush out and giving it a quick squeeze before plopping it on top of my head. It held rather adorably, as we continued on.
I'm sure it was nothing special.
"Well, good luck handling Nep." I patted Koei's back in a caring manner. "I got Guild work to do, fell behind looking for you in Ultradimension." With my explanation out of the way, I left via elevator, Koei staring at me incredulously as I left.
Grabbing a phone from my jacket, I walked out of the Basilicom, calling up the Planeptune branch of the Guild. Someone picked up on the other end.
"Ah, IF. The Guildmaster's voice came from the other end. "What's up?"
"Just need some work to get me out and about for a few hours. Knowing Neptune, she'd end up dragging me and Koei on some inane quest or other if I didn't." I explained truthfully. Over the months I've known her, it's clear that she'd do anything to avoid her job if possible and I didn't want to get into that after the last few days.
"Hmm, well I could line up a job for you. You're coming to the Guild in person, or?"
"I could do with the walk." I replied, jacket blowing in the wind. Kinda chilly today. Good thing I had my jacket on.
"Excellent. See you there!" The call went dead as I stuffed the phone back where it belonged as I took the usual route to the Guild, whistling a nondescript tune as I wondered what Quest the guildmaster would set me up with. Something easy, hopefully.
Arriving at the Guild, I wandered straight to the desk where the Guildmaster was waiting. "Ahh, IF. My favourite regular!" She greeted warmly, pushing an envelope through the counter. "One Quest, as you asked. Kinda glad you came around, people don't want to take this."
"Huh, I wonder why." I muttered as I opened the envelope containing the quest. Reading it and rereading it, I had to take a moment to look it over again before looking right at the Guildmaster. "I see why people thought this was a joke. A Eggpaladin?"
The Guildmaster nodded. "With a lance and everything. Apparently it managed to tame a Horsebird and has been ravaging Powerlevel Island as of late. Don't ask why there in particular, I'm still trying to figure out how it found a knight's helmet as well.
"What in the actual fu-"
"I SAID DON'T QUESTION IT." The Guildmaster rubbed her temples. "Apologies. I just want this Quest over with. As own of the best agents, I know you of all people can deal with this knight."
"Hark! Do mine own ears devieceth me?" An unknown and very distinct voice piped from, interrupting the dialogue we were having. Stepping into the Guild, a scantily clad knight made herself known. WIth a crown floating just above her skull and piercing crimson red eyes, she certainly looked the part. "Didst I just heareth of a rogue knight?" She pulled out her blade from a scabbard, designed very similarly to her outfit. "I shall slayeth those folk, for the round table!"
I gave her a half-lidded stare. "Cut the dramatics, Shakespeare. If you really want, you can come with, but I recommend toning down the dialect."
The newcomer rolled her eyes at me. "Fine, fine. By the Round Table, why does nobody appreciate culture here in Gamindustri?"
"Milady, it may be because you put it on as they say… too strongly." A tiny fairy similar to Histoire floated next to her, possibly serving as her companion.
"Fo'shizzle." The knight muttered, putting a hand to her face. "Well, I suppose I could drop it just for this quest, if you so wish." She spoke perfectly normal English, which was nice for a change.
"It's agreed then. Alright, come on then." I motioned for the knight to follow me out of the Guild, as her fairy companion floated alongside her. "I'm IF, by the way."
"IF? I like it, but it needs more pizazz." The knight offered. "How about Lady Iffy?"
"Iffy is fine, I guess." I didn't like this stranger calling me that, but if she was more comfortable with it, I suppose I couldn't stop her.
"I'm Million Arthur! Part of the Knights of the Round Table. You can stick to Milli if you want." She announced before winking at me. Was she trying to... Nah.
"And I'm uh, Cheekama. Her companion." The blue fairy introduced herself curtly.
"I'll stick to Arthur, thanks."
"Alas, my hearteth hath been stabbed with a thousand burning knives. How cruel, how needlessly needlessly cruel!" She melodramatically feigned hurt as I rolled my eyes and continued down to the southern part of Planeptune. While the center and northern aspects were more commercialized, the southern part served as more a residential district. Hell, I saw Compa's apartment complex as we walked. I don't think I saw her in the window, though. A shame to be sure, but I can always go see her afterwards.
"So… Lady Iffy." Million Arthur spoke up. "Did you know you have very nice hair?"
I stared at her incredulously. "Thanks?" I didn't know exactly what her game was, but we continued on out of Planeptune. Powerlevel Beach was still quite a ways away, so…
"So, where'd you come from? That accent of yours isn't something I've heard in Gamindustri before, no offense." I made small talk with the crimson knight.
Arthur didn't seem to mind my rather blunt line of questioning. "Ah, it's quite alright. Most don't know of the small island nation of Britain. Unlike Gamindustri, we're just an island floating off in the sea. Don't really do treaties and whatnot." She explained, almost seeming proud of her isolationist homeland.
"Fair enough. Not a lot of people travel in or out of Gamindustri, so I was just curious." Which I was. I'd never seen a girl clad herself in armor like some sort of fantastical knight before. "Why are you here anyway? Not to sound rude, or anything."
"Oh you know, gathering allies in order to be seen as the King of Britain. There's one million Arthurs all competing and I figured I'd have an advantage if I trained here." She explained like it was the most obvious thing in the world.
"I have many questions. The most obvious of which is, wouldn't that make you the Queen if you got seen as the rightful heir to the throne?"
Arthur stopped suddenly before bursting out into laughter. "Of course not! The last Queen we had was a tyrannical dictator who killed thousands! That's why anyone who is seen as rightful heir is declared King, regardless of gender. It makes family trees complicated, but that's better than genocide."
I blinked for a moment or two. Her flagrant attitude towards such a dark subject reminded me of Koei in a sense. A genderbent Koei…
A sudden blush fell over me as I realized how cute he'd be as a girl before quickly taking my mind out of the gutter. I had that one experience when Compa was in medical school, but I'm straight, dammit!
"My, my. Does the subject of genocide awaken you?" Arthur suddenly stroked my chin in a sensual manner, before leaning back, supporting herself on her sword. "If so, I have a lot of tales about the great battles from my ancestors, starting with Sab-"
"No! No! I was thinking of someon- thing else! L-let's get a move on, you said you wanted that Eggpaladin dead for the Knights of the Round Table or something?" I quickly changed the subject.
"Ah, of course! My apologies, comrade! COME! LET US MAKE HASTE!" She announced boldly, charging down the path, her fairy companion sighing before floating up to me.
"I'd ignore her… advances. She goes on about the Knights of the Round and becoming the true King of Britain… She's got a thing for girls she finds cute." Cheekama explained, as if this wasn't the first or even tenth time she's had to talk about this.
"O-oh." I realized that she was flirting with me. Rather unsubtly come to think of it. "Should I tell her I'm taken, or?"
The fairy shook her head. "Just ignore her and she'll realize eventually… Hopefully." She sighed, putting a small fairy hand to her forehead, much like the other fairy in my life. "Trying to reject her just makes things worse, she won't take "I'm straight" or "I'm seeing somebody" as an answer and will just try it on even harder if you do."
Huh. "I'll be wary then, Thanks." I ended the conversation before Arthur could get too far away and start flirting with anything remotely female.
Catching up to the scantily clad knight, she was already on Powerlevel Island, rather egotistically being shaped in a giant N for Neptune. Back before this place became a hotspot for monsters, Compa and I went here for a day off. The sun beating down on me, Compa's soft hands rubbing suncream on me and me doing likewise on her supple, peachy skin…
I shook my head. Days gone by aside, I should help out Arthur before I get more thoughts that would make Koei blush. Charging into battle, I slashed at a small wolf with my handheld blades before it disappeared into data. Short, simple and sweet. Scanning the area, I couldn't see any eggplants riding horsebirds, despite the flat plains of Powerlevel Island. Still, this gave me the chance to sharpen my skills without Koei around.
"Haha! Another foe falls to the might of MILLION ARTHUR!" She announced proudly, raising her blade to the sky as the sun reflected off of it and honestly, was kind of cool.
Not that I'd admit it, Goddesses forbid I encourage her… Flirting. Still, I had more important things to worry about as sentient watermelons started to flank us. Disengaging from her dramatic victory pose, Arthur flung herself back into the fray, slicing and dicing melon like she was a chef at a packed smoothie restaurant.
Noticing the sentient fruit starting to target her in particular, I jumped backwards with a "DEMON FLAME!" the spell hitting the ground, igniting all who stood within it. Soon enough, the watermelons overheated and exploded rather violently, sending flaming watermelon carcass across the island. For her part, Arthur just looked at me and shot a thumbs up, before quickly having to dodge out of the way of freshy flaming fruit.
In hindsight, not my best decision. Still, that took care of them, as I struck my best victory pose. "Fall into darkness!" I said menacingly, a piece of watermelon almost breaking my composure as it landed next to me with a plop.
Of course, this wouldn't be Powerlevel Island if it wasn't infested with monsters, as a regiment of Sergeant Froggies started to march towards us. Arthur prepared her blade, as I prepared mine.
Due to being low to the ground, their helmets protecting them from most of the slashes we could pull off. Stepping back, I waited for one of the frogs to leap at me before slicing at the exposed underbelly, instantly making the amphibian split into two before disappearing into data. After repeating the process several more times, the wave of frogs was dissected, just like how Compa described it in medical school.
Medical school gave her a lot of bad memories, in hindsight.
"Well, it appears that those beasts have been vanquished in the name of the Round Table." Arthur was wiping guts off of her armor, though whether that was watermelon or something more grisly was difficult to tell. "Verily executed, my ally of justice."
She was slipping back into her weird accent, but I ignored that in favour for continuing to look for this Eggpaladin. Pun aside, it was proving to be a pain to locate.
The fluttering of wings behind me, as if on cue alerted me to something as I quickly jumped to the side, a flash of silver barely missing my body as a horsebird and a purple blur charged recklessly across the island, coincidentally impaling a frog on the lance that served as its weapon.
"I… What in the actual bloody hell?" Arthur questioned as she turned to me. "Is that a fucking eggplant riding a horse bird hybrid?" Her accent went from one of a typical knight to more along the lines of what Koei's usual tone was. It was a nice change of pace, at least.
"Yup. This is our target. Prepare yourself, it looks dangerous." I replied, my blades glinting in the light as the being turned around, preparing for another charge.
Arthur braced herself, her blade glinting as it slowly started to glow. As the horsebird charged once more, Arthur raised her blade. "By the power of Excalibur, evil shall be slain! BRAVE SHINE!"
As she called out her attack, the sword became engulfed in a blinding light, forcing me to look away for a moment. When I turned back, eyes adjusting to normal light levels, I saw the horsebird and eggplant stunned, with Arthur herself resting on her knee after her attack. Her crimson eyes shifted towards the duo, which tipped me off.
Taking a leap into the air, my hands became beams of light as I rained down needles empowered with the light magic of La Delphinus, one of the great heroes of Gamindustri. Calling out their name, their magic impaled the sinful beats below me, causing massive damage as I dived down, slicing one time to finish the pair off, as the scream of the eggplant filled my ears rather spectacularly as both faded into data. With a more flourishy flourish, I smugly turned to where their bodies used to be. "Well that takes care of that." I dusted my hands off as Arthur got back up, slightly dazed but none the worse for wear.
"By Saber's thighs, Brave Shine takes so much out of you…" She muttered, possibly trying to keep to herself, but barely bothered to keep the volume down so I heard it clearly. She forced herself back up using her sword as a crutch, before standing on two legs again, albeit poorly.
"Dearie me Milli…" Cheekama spoke up, floating from nowhere. "Did you forget your SP Chargers again?" She put a tiny fairy palm to her face, sighing audibly.
Rolling my eyes, I pulled out an SP Charger out of my pocket and gave it to the hapless knight, who chugged it gratefully. "I thank you, squire. I apologise for my lack of preparedness on this Quest."
I waved it off like it wasn't anything serious. "Don't worry 'bout it. I keep healing gear on me at all times. Can never go wrong going prepared, as my medic friend says."
Taking a moment to regain her strength, Arthur was able to start walking back to Planeptune as I followed suit. I knew the way back anyway, but it was more for keeping an eye on her and making sure she didn't try to flirt with the first vaguely female thing she found.
Approaching Planeptune, Neptune had remained silent, aside from humming to herself some song or other. It wasn't one I knew of, but it sounded like a lullaby, or possibly a requiem. Either way, it was a nice thing to listen to on the walk back. Almost gave a sense of catharsis to everything.
Not wanting to bother Neptune, I considered calling up IF to see how she was doing, but relented. If she had anything to update me on, she'd call me, right?
So I resigned myself to silence as the soft footsteps on grass turned into harder footsteps on asphalt as we finally returned to Planeptune. As for the Nation itself, it was the same as ever, bustling with life but not overcrowded, no one thing being in more abundance than anything else. The fresh smell of baked goods hit my nose, as did the crisp air of what I'd imagine to be mid-to-late autumn Planeptune. WIthout any obvious indicators such as trees shedding their leaves while turning a lovely orange, it was difficult to tell when in the season we were in. Even harder with so sort of formal calendar system.
Yeah, of all things, there's no way to keep track of what day it was. It was odd how I only realized that now when thinking about the weather, but a lot of things in this world didn't make complete sense, so I just internally shrugged and went with it.
Either way, we were approaching the Guild and decided I'd wait there to pick IF up. If she had Guild work, she'd be there, at least. Poking the purple Planeptune pudding lover in the arm, she turned to me.
"I'mma go to the Guild and wait for Iffy. I can trust you with returning Progression to where you found it?" I narrowed my eyes to intimidate her, but she didn't seem phased.
"Okay, Dad." Neptune playfully rolled her eyes at me. "You enjoy your date with Iffy, or whatever." Before I could snap back, she had started skipping down the street, not a damn in the world.
I can respect her ditziness, but at the same time it makes it hard work to talk to her. How Histoire puts up with her while being sober is beyond me. Speaking of, I pulled out that whiskey flask I packed with me this morning and took a cheeky swig of it. The alcohol burned my mouth, but it had a definite flavour to it as I gulped it down, the fluid making a similar impression on my throat. A moment or two later the pain was gone and I was free to head into the Guild.
The Planeptune Guild was the same as Lowee's, just purpler. Taking a seat on a free chair, I opened my UI Gloves and checked out the news cycle… Nothing new since this morning, how annoying, so I checked the Share counts for the first time in a long while.
Planeptune: 20%
Lastation: 25%
Leanbox: 30%
Lowee: 25%
That doesn't surprise me, really. Now that the CPUs aren't actively trying to murder each other for Shares, there was no real reason to have more. Leanbox probably had more due to lingering effects from the 5pb. advantage they had.
Huh. I just remembered that there was going to be a 5pb. concert today. Maybe I should take IF there. Surely as a Planeptune Staff Member working for Histoire, they would let me at least "guard" the VIP room, if not letting me in regardless.
Even if I did get in, what would I do? 5pb. is a great singer and all, but she'll probably sing the same set she had last time. Not that it'd be much of a problem, as I'd be there mostly to flirt with IF, probably.
Why else would people go to a concert? Still, while I was here on downtime, maybe I could check my stats again…
Profile: Koei Tech
Occupation: Freelance Planeptune Adventurer
Level: 23
New Skills/Traits: Protagonist Aura (Allows use of Awakening, which boosts stats and has temporary Multicast), Rehabilitated (SP recovers faster), Would Do Anything For Love (When with Guild Member IF, stats boosted by 20%), Patriotic (When fighting in Planeptune, Vitality and Mentality boosted by 15%)
EXE Drive: Glacial Cleave (Freeze enemy before slicing them in half. SP: 750)
Well, that was a interesting read. Dunno what my stats are, but for minmaxing I need to be with IF and fight exclusively in Planeptune! Still, Level 23? That's about my age!
Well, it should be. I died when I was 22, but it's mid-autumn now- passage of time is bullshit, whatever.
Looking back up, IF had actually turned up, accompanied by some slutty knight or other who was giving her looks. I wanted to have words with her, but she left with a friendly wave before I could give her a piece of my mind. Oh well, she looked like a raging lesbian version of me, but cuter. Couldn't be all bad then, I guess.
Getting up, I sauntered over to IF, who didn't seem to notice me as she pocketed the reward from her Quest. Turning to her left, she finally noticed me and leapt back a bit. "K-Koei! Don't sneak up on a girl like that!" She chided, which was fair.
I shrugged. "Not my fault my ahem quest ended early." I rubbed the back of my head sheepishly. "You know, when I'm not either in a coma or trying to murder everything in my line of sight, my life is pretty boring."
IF put a hand on my shoulder. "You forgot drinking."
I put a hand to my chin. "Huh, guess I did." Instinctively grabbing my flask of whiskey, I took a large sip, forgetting that whiskey fucking burns. Trying not to cough it all back out, IF snickered to herself while I gave a middle finger with my free, non-whiskey covered hand. After a moment or two of not dying, she patted me on the back as I forced the burning alcohol down my throat. I'm nothing if not persistent, at least.
Regaining my composure, IF was still giggling to herself with that damn smark on her face that simultaneously made me want to smack her and kiss her.
Thankfully for everyone involved, I did neither as IF patted me on the back. "Alright, seeing as you're so eager to get yourself hammered, let's head out to-"
Vrrm, vrrm, vrrm.
"God. FUCKING. DAMMIT!" I yell in frustration, picking up the phone as I put the UI Glove to my ear. They will PAY for interrupting my drinking time!
"Ah, Koei." Blanc's monotone voice crackled through, perfectly opposing my immanent fury. "Sorry to be so sudden, but I need a favour."
Sighing very much audibly, I pinched the bridge of my nose. "Whatever it is, can I drink during it?"
Silence from the CPU for a moment. "Koei, I swear to fuck, you do anything while you're under the influence around my sisters and not even I would be able to pull my axe out of your asshole." Blanc threatened in a very convincing manner.
I for my part, reeled it in a bit. "Oh-okay. I should have asked what it was beforehand, sorry…"
Blanc clammed up herself, leaving the call in awkward silence. "Y-yeah. My bad too. Look, I have a… date with Vert and I forgot that this is Mina's day off. Could you come over to Lowee and look after the twins?"
I blinked. "Surely there would be literally anyone else more qualified for the job?" Which earned me a confused look from IF, as she couldn't hear Blanc's side of the conversation.
"You think I'd be asking you if I had anybody else to turn to?" Blanc shot right for the heart.
I shrugged visibly, earning more confused looks from IF. "Alright. I'll take the next subway to Lowee then. How much am I getting paid for this?"
"You get paid in not getting your fucking ass kicked." Blanc stated simply before hanging up. Well then.
"You want the good news, or the bad news?" I ask simply, to which IF raised a hand, before putting it down again.
"I… We got roped into something stupid, didn't we?"
"Yup. How are you with kids?"
IF shrugged back. "Better than you? Guess I have to come with you now to make sure you don't fuck it up."
I shot a thumbs up. "Great. We're getting on the next train to Lowee, buying as much hard liquor as we can handle and looking after twin goddesses. What could possibl-
"Don't." IF said simply, putting a finger to my lips. "Just don't. I've had enough incidents in the past when Nep said that, don't you start with that shit either, okay?"
I gently removed her finger before nodding. Without another word, we departed for Lowee.
Lowee is FUCKING. COLD. I didn't really notice this the first or second time around, but hot fucking damn this place feels like the damn Arctic, Even IF was shivering, though that might be due to her not having the appropriate clothing.
No, it was definitely that. Girl was wearing shorts in snow and if I was feeling the cold with my jacket on…
Sighing, I took my Lowee jacket off and draped it over IF. She was surprised at my gesture, but accepted the jacket regardless, silently putting her arms in the holes.
Now feeling the cold harder than ever, I realized that I was a moron. Not for the myriad of reasons I already knew, but because I had a magic spellblade that could set on fire.
Before I could let my inner pyromaniac out, I saw a hand appear from a dark alleyway, beckoning me over. Ignoring my base urges to shoot it as fast as possible, I approached the hand as I entered the alley. It was as you expect, dark, full of trash including your waifu, that sort of thing. Aside from that was a disheveled looking young woman. She seemed to be roughing it, which was sort of sad. I always did have a soft spot for the homeless.
"Spare some Credits?" She asked weakly, putting out a hand.
"Sure, how much?" I looked for my Credits storage, ready to hand her something along the lines of 1000 Credits or so, just to get her back on her feet.
What I didn't expect was her pulling out a switchblade. "All of them." She threatened, pointing the knife towards my chest, intending to go for the heart.
"Sure, sure…" I accessed my inventory to grab Peace, pulling the modified firearm out, the battery glowing in the otherwise dark alleyway. "What the fuck is wrong with you?"
Taking a step back, the woman unswitched her blade. "W-woah man, I didn't know you were-"
"Were what? An adventurer? Armed? Alcoholic?" I demanded answers from the clearly terrified lady, my adreniline going up to 11 as she pulled a fucking knife on me. I think I had every right to be angry!
Feeling a tug on my shirt I turned my head to see my darling Iffy, not very happy with me. "Koei, don't try and rob random homeless people…"
She started to drag me out as I attempted to explain that she pulled a knife on me, but to no avail. Thinking fast, I pulled out a bag of 1000 Credits and tossed it into the alleyway anyway as a sort of compensation to the clearly desperate woman. I was more than willing to give her them anyway, but she had to pull a knife on me and escalate the situation.
Either way, situation resolved?
After some explaining, IF did forgive me considering the circumstances, though I left out the part where I threw money at her.
Back to heading to the Basilicom, then. IF kept giving me a look as we headed over, not one of malice or judging, but of…
Despondency? Huh. Using my left hand, I gripped her right one tightly and squeezed. Judging from her crimson blush, she didn't expect said squeeze, but didn't do anything about it either. She seemed happy enough with the hand holding and despite my own embarrassment, was fine with it myself. So we continued on to the Basilicom, holding hands very publically. Honestly, this felt better than just grabbing Serenity and using the Flameblade spell. I never really considered being more… Intimate with IF. Sure, there was that incident yesterday, but I was 80% sure she was kidding… The other 20% didn't bear thinking about.
Either way, she appreciated the hand holding, as did I, so we kept at it until we arrived at the Basilicom, where our palms separated before any prying eyes could see. 'Tis a crime to handhold in public, after all.
Good thing it was warner in the Basilicom, as IF took my jacket off and handed it back to me. I didn't need it, so I put it in my inventory for the time being as we waited for Blanc.
It didn't take long as she eventually descended the stairs. What was surprising was her new outfit, consisting of a pastel green t-shirt and a tight looking pair of blue jeans. I didn't even know CPUs could change outfits.
"Looking fly, Blanc." I shot my fingers into a gun shape as she gave a faint smile.
"Thanks. I thought being more.. Casual for my date with Vert. As much as I like my dress and jacket, I'll be in Leanbox anyway, so I won't get cold." Blanc explained, tugging at her shirt a bit.
"Weird, I thought that CPUs couldn't feel cold. Then again, I don't want to get weird and ask you to test that theory or anything." I rubbed my head sheepishly.
Blanc gave me a blank stare before turning to IF with a nod. Not a moment later I felt a slap to the back of my head. "Don't be a fuckin' perv, Koei."
Rubbing my head for an entirely different reason now, Blanc proceeded to leave without another word. Now we had to find the kids and start babysitting I guess.
Tonight is going to be long.
One trip to the general store and blowing half my Credits on the cheapest booze I could find later, I returned to the Basilicom, IF completely unaware of my incoming drunkenness.
Sneaking in, I pretended that I went to the bathroom rather than you know, buying booze. Honesty is for suckers and sober people, I'mma get hammered while babysitting. Maybe IF could have some too if she was feeling low.
Speaking of, I unscrewed the top of my whiskey flask, taking a large swig of the burning liquid. With alcohol coursing through my veins, I could do anything! Except being sober.
Wandering up the stairs, I found IF struggling to keep the twin CPU Candidates under control, using her Guildmaster powers to dodge incoming books. Using my own great power, I grabbed the scruffs of their matching coats, causing them to turn around and notice me.
Nobody fucks with my girlfriend. "Good afternoon, Rom and Ram." I state simply, not trying to be intimidating and failing massively. The two were understandably shocked by my sudden appearance and ceased their book-based assault.
After the two buggered off, I checked on my girlfriend. Bruising aside, she was fine after I gave her a hug, despite her crimson blushing saying otherwise.
"Want a drink?" I offered, pulling out my flask of alcohol. She took it gratefully, taking a large swig.
Needless to say we didn't do much babysitting that night as we got fucking wasted. They could look after themselves anyway…
Probably.