A/N: Happy Singles Awareness Day! This is going up a day early because Crosswave launches today and I'll be… Busy… For… Unrelated reasons.
No mail? I suppose there's not much to comment on. I bet all the regulars are like "Oh it's over." and stopped reading.
I had these drafted up before the final chapters dropped anyway. Mostly.
On with the carnage?
"Koei! Koeeeei! Come on, get your ass up, it's already 11am!" Was the first thing I heard today. Weird, but okay…
Getting out of bed, I put on my clothes and headed out of the bedroom to see IF cooking pancakes with her left hand. "There's my alcoholic."
I blinked. "Aw fuck, am I dreaming again?"
IF put her non-broken hand to her chin. "Hmm, let's figure this out together!" She proceeded to slap me in the face with it. "Seems real to me!"
I was still pretty confused. "I thought you hated me? I legitimately remember nothing after finishing telling my story to Jill…"
"Then you crashed a 5pb. concert, took her hostage, sang a power ballard and won me back. A shame you don't remember it… Because it worked."
Clutching my head, I started to actually remember what happened. "Oh yeah. Thanks for the reminder, love."
"You could probably guess what happened next. We went to Celestia, I got to slug Uzume in the face and we got hammered… I think Big Neptune talked about her daughter as well."
I shook my head. "You have to understand, I got wasted last night. I went through my darkest hour after already having several drinks…"
She opted to give me a hug. "It's alright. We both made mistakes on that day. Though mine was more "breaking my right hand" than "severely injured my girlfriend.""
I sighed. "Your ultimate attack backfired…"
She punched me in the shoulder. "Just messin' with ya. Gear was nice enough to pass that on for you. You didn't mean any harm and I kinda was willing to make amends when you got back…"
I rubbed the back of my head. "Histoire told me to just leave you be and Compa… Is Compa. Oh god we live in the same apartment complex, is that door locked?"
IF put a hand on my shoulder. "Relax. She mellowed out a lot after I recovered anyway, so she shouldn't be trying to murder you… Yet."
"Goddesses above, can you two shut up?" Uzume groaned from her makeshift bed. "I haven't felt this bad in 20 years…"
"Welcome to hangovers." I said simply before heading to the kettle and starting to prepare a cup of tea. "Maybe don't tank eight Pile Drivers and leave me with the bill."
"Look all I know is that it tasted like orange and alcohol, I didn't know how strong it was…" Uzume clutched her head as she rose up, her purple pigtails bouncing lazily as she did so.
"Huh, forgot you lived here." IF remarked, going back to her pancakes. "Good thing I made six pancakes. Sorry Kopey, I'm going to have to give up a pancake each."
"Or you could make three more." I point out to which I get a stare.
"I'm making pancakes with one hand." She reminded me.
"I'll start making some toast or something?" I point to the standard issue bread burner included in every Planeptune apartment. Seriously, they had standard issue appliances for everything, it's super generous, even if the appliances themselves are a tad basic.
"Nah, two pancakes a piece should be more than enough. I was just making sure. That and I knew she'd wake up from the smell and it seemed better than kicking her off the sofa." IF denied my request to burn toast as she finished off the last pancake, coupled with a drizzle of syrup, with two other near identical plates next to it. "Food's up!" She announced as Uzume finally got up.
"Good. Tell me which one you poisoned so I can die with some dignity." She snarked, looking at each plate with a critical eye.
IF sighed dramatically. "None of them are. I thought we buried the hatched after I punched you in the face last night."
Uzume raised a hand and put it back down. "Shit the bed, the chunni has a point." Was all she said before grabbing a plate and fork and going back to the sofa.
"You poisoned mine, didn't you?" I rhetorically asked to which IF rolled her eyes.
"No, the syrup is poisoned… Just eat the fucking pancakes." She stated, before grabbing her own fork and sitting down.
Of course, being a three person sofa, we were all able to sit down, albeit a little tight as we watched the morning news. Nothing interesting though. I mean unless you consider the announcement of a new portable Lowee console to be "important."... Shit the bed, I guess it was.
"Beats murder." I mutter as I munch on pancake batter.
"Yeah, all you got on the news before the Treaty was propaganda about Planeptune being awesome… Eventually I stopped watching the news because of it." IF remarked as Uzume stared at the screen.
"Goddesses above, it's like I'm there…"
I facepalmed. "Uzume… There was TV in your time."
Uzume snapped back. "There were TVs, but not of this… quality. Or flatness! A TV this size would easily be so much bigger if it was made with the technology of 20 years ago!"
"As a former white-van man, those things are not any fucking lighter." I point out before taking a bite of pancake, somewhat bitterly.
"Leave the time lost CPU be, Koei." IF chided. "Technology has advanced a fair bit since 2001- I mean her time."
"We're really doing this." I sigh. "This fanfic dates itself…"
"Shh." IF put a finger to my lips. "We all know it will. Let the magic happen."
I shrugged and decided to roll with the punches. "So… now what?"
IF put a hand to her chin. "Well, there's a new MMO I've been meaning to try out and I got a massive bonus from Histoire for helping save Planeptune. Wanna invest in some laptops?"
Not an hour later we were set up to play hot new on the block, Five Goddesses Online. The irony was not lost on me as Uzume watched. "Goddesses above, these graphics look like something Planeptune had in my time!"
"Yeah, these are super cheap laptops." IF noted. "Had to turn down the graphics setting to get a decent frame rate. You on yet?"
"Yeah, but I'm slow. Picked a tank class, didn't I?"
"Shocked that you'd go for something so… Brute force." IF huh'd. "Then again, you spawned in Lowee. Shouldn't be shocked."
"The fuck is that supposed to mean?" I took some offense to that.
"No I meant your character. They get a racial buff to defense but lose out on speed." IF rolled her eyes as she took the ferry to mainland Gamindustri. Turns out that 5 Goddesses Online is a more modern take on the world. Quite literally, it being based on the recently ended Console Wars, though the war in the game is portrayed way more brutally. The Nations are on the verge of war, allowing you to either trust or kill players of other Nations without mercy.
We were opting to party up. Hopefully. Hopping off the subway in Lastation, my character exited the subway and my framerate dropped. Turns out the Lastation in this game has a bit of a smog problem. Well, the Nation's on the verge of environmental collapse but you know, video games.
"You forgot to turn off the effects in the options menu." IF sighed as she entered Lastation's port, her ID being scanned by a local NPC before walking into the deteriorating town, it looking far clearer on her screen.
"Yeah, I'm on it." Doing just that, the smog cleared up, though the sky was still a dark grey to imply the smog was still there and my framerate went back to normal. "There."
"Alright, now to head to the sub- BALLSDEEP69?" IF had found out my character name.
"Yeah. I was going to go with "Koei Tech" but they banned real names to prevent impersonation, didn't they?"
"I saw at least 5 variations of Vert and Green Heart on my way here." IF deadpanned as she approached my character.
"Okay XxCr1ms0n_D3m0nxX, simmer down." I snark back. "The fuck's with that name anyway?"
"Well you see, my name comes from my clan of magicians. As you can tell from my clothes, I am one of the elite arch-wizards of my clan, a master of explosion magic-"
"That is literally Megumin's backstory…" I facepalmed as a crackle came from our headsets.
"Hey guys! You in Lastation?" Neptune called in voice chat.
"SHUT UP USELESS GODDESS!" I yell into the mic. We were using a chat program's voice function to do this. You probably know the one.
"Alright, geez. Just because I'm from Planeptune doesn't mean you gotta treat me like that, BallsDeep."
"Whatever, PuddingGoddess1995." I retort, taking a stab at her name.
"... Strange, I'm not even logged in."
"You could have waited for us, you know." Blanc and Vert- Sorry, Serenity and Grace arrived at the scene, appropriately dressed as heroes.
"Really? Naming yourselves after your Artifacts?" I sigh.
"Technically the heroes who wielded them. Apparently that wasn't one of the banned names. Probably because they'd be used for a lot of other people's names too." Blanc exposited, while I turned to her with a smug grin.
"You knew exactly what I meant with that comment, BallsDeep." IF retorted.
"We could probably just stick to our normal names." MagicalGirlNowaru filled out our party for now, as Neptune was waiting for Nepgear to log on. "Huh, nice loadout IF."
"Thanks!" The guild agent smiled. "Putting effort into things can be rewarding after all."
"Of course the girl who dressed up as an anime character would agree with you." I sighed. Character customization was never my forte, so I just went female and based her off of a character from an isekai I watched. Blue hair, fluffy jacket for living in Lowee with… And a giant hammer.
"Nice hammer." Blanc noted, taking out her staff. "Guess you're the meat shield for once."
"I knew I should have gone tank…" Vert sighed as she took out her own weapon, a rapier. "Why did we pick the same classes as we did in 4GO?"
Blanc's character put her hand to her temple. "Because you're hypercompetitive and wanted us to "go with what we knew"... Despite the fact that 5GO is basically a whole new game."
"Riiight." Vert recalled. "Guess it's too late to change classes?"
"Well, we got a tank, I'm the healer and you, Noire and IF can be DPS, so the holy trinity remains." Blanc reasoned, her character making a thoughtful gesture.
"Gotta say these characters act just like we would if we hung out." I noted to which Vert giggled over the coms.
"Yeah, the devs asked for feedback based on our interactions. I sent them the copy of Sociopath With a Spellblade you gave me… Wait I wasn't supposed to say that part." I could hear gloved hand meeting face. "Sorry Koei, but I lived that story…"
"Yeah it was pretty bad." Blanc stated simply. "I blame the writer."
"Blanc… Weren't you my ghost writer?" I ask, remembering the night we got bladdered and told her more or less what happened. Granted I skipped a lot of details to tell it in one night, so...
"... Koei. I will kill you if this fact leaves this chat." Was all that was said as Uzume laughed.
"Man, you guys are a bunch of assholes." She remarked as I turned to look her dead in the eyes.
"Course we are. We're friends." I remark as the former CPU smiled.
"We were never this buddy-buddy, playing games and chatting." Uzume remarked, her smile falling a bit. "But then again, it was always tense between us, even if we never had a full on war."
I dismissed her depression. "Well, you have the chance now, don't you?"
The former goddess nodded. "Yeah, I guess."
"Alright, me and Nep Jr. are logged in." Neptune's voice came in over the call. "But we're stuck in Planeptune due to… Tutorials." You could hear the pained sigh in that tone.
"We headin' to Planeptune, then?" I ask, to which there was a muttered agreement.
Going back down into the subway, we were about to enter as a giant mecha dragon crashed through the ceiling, blocking the path.
"Well. Time to test out our skills, I guess." I brought out my hammer as the others took out their weapons with a hearty battle cry.
Several hours of intense MMORPGing later, IF and I decided to call it quits, having grinded up a fair amount of levels since starting the new characters we made and closing the call with Blanc and Vert.
"Well, that was fun." I stretch my arms, them aching slightly from the intense game playing. Uzume had been watching intently the entire time.
"Indeed. Seeing how games have evolved since my time was… a thing." Uzume admitted. "MMOs existed in my time, but not to that extent. All you had was text chat on the server you were on, not live voice chat across the world…"
IF took off her headset before shaking her head, letting the dent the headset had made unflatten as her hair went back to its usual state. "Now what?" She pondered aloud as I started to get a call on my UI gloves.
"Hello?" I greeted.
"Ah, Koei!" Histoires voice came over the line. "I have good news. You're able to work for the Basilicom again!"
"I wasn't before?" I asked.
"Well, due to the whole IF situation, I had to make sure the three of you weren't trying to kill each other before I could get the paperwork through… Anyway, can you, IF and Uzume come to the Basilicom?"
I nod. "Sure. See you in a few." I put the "phone" down as I got up. "Alright ladies. We're going to the Basilicom!"
The two shrugged and got their sho- well, more like boots on as we left.
Ah the Basilicom. Even though it's only been a week it's felt like… A week. Yeah maybe that wasn't the best way to put it.
The guards let us in without a word as we headed up the elevator. Neptune and Nepgear were waiting for us as the elevator dinged. "Kopey! Uzume! Iffy!" Neptune greeted warmly. "Histy's waiting for you in the weird void room."
I nodded and started to walk to the void room, the two following me as we entered, Histoire waiting for us. "Koei Tech. Idea Factory. Uzume Tennoboushi." She greeted simply as Purple Heart and Sister entered the room to flank her. "You three have proven to be some of Gamindustri's fiercest forces. Koei Tech, the man who saved Planeptune. Idea Factory, the most dedicated Guild Agent in Gamindustri… Uzume Tennoboushi, former CPU of Planeptune."
"Somehow I feel the "former" part is being used to demean me." Uzume sighed.
"Not at all. Regardless of titles, you are all extremely powerful, that much is true…"
"Which is why between the three of us," Purple Heart entered the conversation. "We've decided to create a new military operation for you three." Each person took out a jacket, appropriately sized for each of us. "Welcome to the Planeptune Special Forces."
"Planeptune Special Forces?" I question as I took my jacket. Oooh, leather~. Purple leather at that. Flipping the jacket around, on the back was "PLANEPTUNE" in white, bold letters. It was pretty simple, but damn these jackets were fancy!
"Yes." Purple Heart answered. "You three are now working for Planeptune… Again." She sighed. "The point is, you three are now Planeptune's key human protectors. Anything that requires my or Nepgear's assistance will be handed to you if we happen to be unavailable for any reason."
"Also known as: You slacking off." I deadpan, causing Purple Heart to roll her power light eyes.
"For once in my life, this is serious." She sighed. "This is a real job. You are Planeptune's protectors in our absence."
Uzume looked at her jacket. "I… Can't accept this." She sighed. "I already hurt my Nation once, I can't do that again."
Histoire floated to the former CPU. "Uzume… I convinced the CPUs to give you this role myself." The book fairy sighed as she put a hand on Uzume's shoulder. "I thought if you were given the chance to redeem yourself in the eyes of your Nation by working with Koei and IF…"
"I could forgive myself." She nodded, gripping the jacket with determination as she put it on. "Cozy!" She remarked as she looked at the sleeves of the jacket, now covering her arms.
"Yeah… This will work." Uzume smiled as IF and I put on our own jackets.
"Fits like a UI Glove." I muttered as IF put her own jacket on after taking off her usual one.
"Damn, this is actually nicer than my usual jacket…" "IF murmured almost inaudibly. "Guess we're all wearing this from now on."
"Excellent." Histoire nodded before handing out an ID card to each of us. "There's your official Staff ID, so you can come and go to the Basilicom as you please."
"Same situation as beforehand, just with an upgrade." I contemplated before looking at my new work mates. "Celestia?"
"Damn, Koei, you really are an alcoholic." IF giggled as we left.
"CLOSED?" I yelled at the clearly closed bar and usual hotspot for drunken tomfoolery and Jill locked the door.
"Yeah, after that tab I can afford a day off and some drinks for myself." Jill said as she ensured the door to her bar was indeed locked. "Sorry, but I've been meaning to use these vacation days up."
"But we were just about to celebrate our new jobs!" I turned around and pointed at the new PSF jacket I had for emphasis.
"In that case… Ah fuck it, why not." Jill approached us. "If you don't mind, I'll join you three."
We all stood for a minute. "Sure." IF welcomed our surprise guest. "Come on, I know a place in Lastation."
"IF. This place is a shithole." I examined the new bar in front of us. It was a hole in the wall type of place with the word "HA-V3N" in neon, similar to Celestia itself.
"Come on, you haven't even gone in." IF sighed "Give it a chance at least." She walked in and I pondered my own issues. It looked a bit like a knockoff at first, but then I realised it was in fact, a loving tribute to Celestia. Shrugging, I walked in.
The place was as expected, deserted aside from my party. All things considered, it was immaculate. The cyberpunk-ish aura of the place felt just like Celestia, but you know, blacker.
Walking up to the bar, my jaw nearly dropped. Standing at the bar was a man. "Holy shit."
To Be Continued… RIGHT NOW!
Hclegend Presents:
Safe HA-V3N
A Sociopath With a Spellblade/HA-V3N crossover!
(Lan Cable belongs to Cirno the Genius and is used with permission)
"Holy shit." The non-descript male muttered as he stared at me with his blue eyes as he put a hand to his stubbly chin. "So, you're a protagonist too?"
I blinked at the strange man. Something was wrong with him, but I needed the business. "Welcome to Haven. If you're all settled I'd be happy to serve you."
IF nodded. "Lan. Been a while. I'm going to take a wild guess on this… Two Beers, a Bad Touch and a Pile Driver, if you don't mind."
Phew. They're all drinkers at least. Judging by the jackets, the two strangers and IF were part of the same group too. So… Two Beers. As I started to mix up the ingredients, I turned to my mentor with a smile. "Speaking of a while, how are you Jill?"
She shrugged. "Well, I decided to have a day off, hence why Koei and the others are here rather than my place. Kinda crashed their party but I think they don't mind."
Koei, huh… The purple haired stranger also seemed familiar but I didn't want to ask questions as I mixed up her Pile Driver.
"Yeah, we're kinda all colleagues now." IF offhandedly mentioned as I started to finish up the order. "Apparently Neptune -yes, that one- set up a military branch for us three. We're now the protectors of Planeptune if both her and Gear happen to be busy." I served the drinks on the tray as each person grabbed their preferred beverage. "Thanks."
"We were all trying to murder each other not a week ago." The male muttered. "Goddesses above, that's a hell of a story." His eyes widened in surprise as he put down his drink. "Oh! Right!" He held out a gloved hand… Hey isn't that a UI Glove? "Koei Tech, protagonist, Hero of Planeptune and very obvious alcoholic."
"Lan Cable. Owner of Haven, protege of Jill," The bartender gave a wink. "And general nice guy, I guess."
Hand shaking done, Koei took a drink. He's taking a Bad Touch as if it was nothing.
"While we're doing intros, I'm Uzume Tennoboushi… Pretty badass name, I know." The purple haired girl finally spoke up in a tomboyish tone. She sort of reminds me of… "Former Planeptune CPU, arch-villain who nearly destroyed said nation and current member of the PSF."
Huh. A former Planeptune CPU, the saviour of Planeptune himself, IF and my old boss are all friends. Go figure.
"I am great, I know." He smiled smugly, causing me to raise an eyebrow in suspicion.
"Ignore him." Jill stated. "He's got a few screws loose due to his "Protagonist Aura." She air quoted before getting back to her Beer.
"Seconded." Uzume agreed.
"Thirded. And I'm his girlfriend." IF replied, revealing that she actually got into a relationship, surprisingly.
"Fourthed." Koei muttered just loud enough for the other patrons to hear. Well, despite his ego he seems self-aware enough.
"You have that aura too, Lan." He mentioned, pointing at me while holding onto the glass. "It's not as strong, but it's there."
I stared at him incredulously. Whatever could that mean, I don't know.
"Well, he's a good guy and pays his tab… Eventually." Jill sighed into her Beer mug. "Man, feels weird being on the other side of the bar again."
"But a good kind of weird?" IF replied, to which Jill gave a nod.
"Honestly? I blame the concussion." She said and everyone laughed as some kind of running gag or something I wasn't aware of.
"Thanks, I guess." He rubbed his head. "Goddesses above, even if it never technically happened, I'm still feeling pain from those last few fights."
I was interested at this point, but decided to keep my composure. "I heard on the news. Seems that someone hacked into all of Planeptune's televisions and such to broadcast that fight."
Uzume held up a hand. "That was me. Long story short, my mind was hooked up to the Internep… For some reason." She sighed as she muttered something about "Histoire"".
"Yeah, but it did lead to her reformation so it's all aight." Koei concluded, taking another drink. "You got anything going on, Lan?"
"Not really." I state truthfully. "Only thing that's happened so far today is me restocking my shelves. Ever heard of Gust?"
His eyes shrank to pinpricks. "Oh Goddesses Above and by Saber's right thigh, no."
IF sighed as she rubbed his back in a caring manner. "He got scammed out of over 2500 credits when we were on… A mission." IF explained as Koei downed the rest of his drink.
"That was in fact, asinine. One large Moonblast if you don't mind." Koei gave the glass he used back to me as I started on the drink.
One Moonblast for the hero. "Time to mix drinks and change lives."
"Heh, you still say that?" Jill smirked at me.
"Well, you taught me everything you know… Old habits die hard, I guess."
"True that." Koei murmured. "I mean, as soon as I found out there was booze in Gamindustri, I went right back on the wagon. Been drinking since before I was even 18."
"Koei." I sighed. "The drinking age is 21."
"I'm from Britain." He said simply as I finished up the Moonblast and handed it to him. "Not the one with the raging lesbian kngihts either. Different one."
"There's another Britain?" I recalled the incident where I served one Million Arthur. She got so drunk she started flirting with me, thinking I was a woman.
"It's…. Complicated." He sighed. "I'm from another world entirely, interdimensional rifts that threaten all life as we know it, a dark former goddess driven mad by grief, her dimension tripping mercenary…"
"Hell of a story." I remarked, cleaning out a glass as I did so.
"I'd say I don't believe it, but it sounded true enough… Somewhat inconsistent, but a solid B minus." Jill sighed into her drink. "That and the incident in Planeptune kinda proves he wasn't totally full of it."
I nodded in understanding. "Yeah, I heard when Noire came in last night. Didn't really say much about it, she said she didn't remember what happened during that time, but she woke up with bullet holes in her clothes and Uni blowing smoke out of her gun. Didn't even seem bothered about having to fight her own sister. Excited to test her own strength, even."
Koei blinked. "Maybe she's a sociopath. Sociopath With a Sniper?"
I shrug. "Ehhh, the title needs work. Regardless, that fight was sick to watch. Got a boom in business from it too. Speaking of, you need another drink?"
"Sure, why not. Make it a Crevice Spike, though. I really don't need to be passed out on the subway." Koei reasoned as he downed the Moonblast.
The others ordered the same drink they had before, leaving me to mix up a good four drinks as Uzume spoke up. "You know, I've never actually been to Lastation before so… is the air meant to be that dirty?"
"Yeah. it's kind of a problem…" I admitted, having lived in Lastation for a good while at this point. "I have a bandana that I wear when I'm out and about just in case."
Koei gave a wry smile. "Won't be a problem for long if Anonydeath comes through."
To which a certain Guild Member spat out her drink. "Excuse me?"
Koei's eyes widened in realization. "Ohhh, right. Forgot to bring that up. He's a good boy now. Compiling an environmental report to send to Kei to get her to cut down on the pollution and all that."
IF put her hands in her head. "If you count the SN1P-SNAP Omega incident, he's tried to kill you three times."
"And you're sitting next to the former goddess who nearly killed him twice." Uzume pointed out logically. "Well, if you count you nearly winning in that fight as my work rather than yours… Also you tried to kill him!"
"Hey, the worst thing I do to him is slug him in the face." IF responded… What?
"Probably not the best thing to say in the company of a near-stranger, Iffy dearest." Koei sighed as he cringed at the taste of his Crevice Spike. "For the sake of making her seem not abusive, I take hits like that as my job. That and I'm kind of an asshole!"
"Jeez." I rubbed the used glasses down. "Makes the legends of Dana seem realistic in comparison."
"Honestly? They probably are." Jill remarked, having had the legendary Red Comet herself as her former boss in Glitch City. "By the time Valhalla closed down we were pretty good friends. She told me the truth and I swore to take that to the grave." She gave a sad smile as she recalled that day. "But that won't stop me from spreading the rumors as they are. Gotta keep the legends alive."
"Back on topic…" Koei attempted to lighten the mood. "Most of my friends have tried to kill me at least once. IF, Uzume, Neptune, Noire, Blanc that one time, Anonydeath though we're more neutral than friends, Rei probably sees me as a friend even though we haven't talked since the incident…"
"You really do annoy a lot of people." I sighed as he finished off his last drink.
"That's my job. Also, that 5pb. glass? Probably going to be worth a ton now that she retired." He pointed to the glass I had received a long while ago. I noticed he did take glances at it while he drank. After this comment, he pulled out a bag of Credits and tossed them at me, not even giving a damn what the actual tab was. "That's for the good time. Keep the change." Uzume and IF got up to follow him out, seemingly happy with not having a Crevice Spike to temporarily sober up at least.
"See ya guys. I'mma hang out with Lan some more. We haven't talked in a while." Jill waved off the leaving patrons as I realized something.
"I never asked him about you and he met." I thought aloud.
Jill smiled. "As he would say, it's a hell of a story…"
Being slightly drunk and sober at the same time, we headed out of the hole in the wall bar. Lan was nice enough, but I'd rather not have to deal with Noire in the morning.
"Man. Lastation doesn't kill my lungs anymore." I noted, slurring my words slightly.
"I can't believe that was a problem for you… Pansy." IF retorted with a wry grin to indicate she was joking.
"Never a problem in Planeptune." Uzume mused to herself. "Hell, from what I saw of Lastation in my time, it wasn't a problem there either."
I shrugged. "Blame Kei."
"Who?"
I blinked, forgetting that Uzume didn't know about a lot of Gamindustri at this point. "Lastation's Oracle, workaholic, hates the environment, implied I fucked Noire that one time." I explained, to which Uzume gave a curt nod.
"I really wish you wouldn't bring up that rumor." IF sighed as she put her face in her hands as we descended the stairs to the subway, lit by dim lights.
Looking around, the place was rather predictably deserted, but the subways were still running. "Huh. You'd think there'd be more people here. Or at least there being no subways at this time."
IF waved her hand. "It's an automated system. There's obviously people keeping an eye on it, but for the most part it's a self-sustaining system. People on night shifts in particular really appreciate the 24/7 subway services."
"And to think, in my time we were drafting up the route for this." Uzume reflected.
"You compare past and present Gamindustri a lot, Uzume." I noted. "You feeling alright?"
The purple haired tomboy shook her head. "Yeah, just feeling nostalgic. Back then Histoire took care of cross-Nation relations, so I never saw the other CPUs."
As we waited for the next train, I leaned against a nearby wall. "So if she didn't handle the paperwork back when you were a CPU, how did you manage to not meet the other CPUs at some point?"
Uzume shrugged. "They had Oracles of their own. Inspired me to get my own after enough fiddling about with the red tape."
"Why Histoire though?" IF pondered aloud. "She already had the duty of storing all of Gamindustri's information, why would she willingly double dip as an Oracle too?"
Uzume sighed. "I have no idea. She just learned that I had no secretary and decided to enter the Basilicom and ask me to hire her… This was before security was improved."
I nodded, intent on learning more about the world I now considered my home.
"Things went from there. We slowly became friends as we both worked on Planeptune's falling Share situation… My rule as CPU was rough to say the least." Uzume sighed. "Part of why I got desperate enough to… Make a mistake."
I wanted to prod more, but the pained look on her face made me relent. I'd ask Histoire later on once Uzume was out of earshot.
The next train to Planeptune will be arriving soon.
"These things are way too convenient…" I mutter to myself as the automated purple subway pulled into the station, a few assorted business types getting off as we got on.
Home sweet home. As the train continued its eternal journey of going to and from Planeptune, we made our own journey home.
Just kidding, I had to go see Histoire. "Hey, I got some business at the Basilicom. You two okay with going back on your own, or do I have to make sure Uzume doesn't mysteriously disappear under Iffy's watch?" I stared at the chunni who looked like she would totally try that.
"I'll be fine." Uzume dismissed my concerns. "I'll go back on my own, I have a key. Might even hang out with Compsy."
"That will end in brutal murder." I sighed as I waved off the former goddess, leaving me alone with Iffy…
"Oh my." I blushed heavily as I realized that things could happen due to our current state of inebriation.
"Heh. Thinking of dirty things, are we?" IF took amusement at my sudden embarrassment. "You said you had business with Histoire? Might as well come with. Like a daaaate!~" She started to walk out of the subway as I processed what she just said.
"What's with you being all romantic, anyway?" I followed suit, nothing better to do.
"Oh, I'm just doing it because I like it when you get flustered." IF gave a smug grin as I stared at her. "Seems that alcohol reveals your cute side."
I rolled my eyes as I flashed my Staff ID, the guards moving out of the way as we entered the elevator.
Ding
Neptune popped her head out. "Hey, you don't live here anymore! Don't tell me you already got kicked out of that apartment complex."
I shook my head. "Nope, just business with Histoire."
Neptune's face… Fell? Huh. "Oh." She disappeared as quickly as she appeared.
"Koei? You're here quite late." Histoire floated into view, still wearing her usual outfit despite how late it (Presumably) was.
"I'm here on business." I smiled at the Oracle. "I have some questions about Planeptune's past."
The tiny fairy seemed to beam at my curiosity. "I'm shocked, but sure. What would you like to know?"
"I want to know about Uzume." I said simply.
Histoire froze for a minute. "I see. Now that my memories have been restored, I can recount her time as CPU in almost perfect detail. Is there anything in particular you'd like to know?"
"What happened that day. What caused her to go down the path she did."
Histoire froze again. This time for a solid minute. "I… I see. IF, would you mind if I took Koei to Nepgear's lab? This is something I wish to divulge… Privately."
IF nodded, leaving Histoire to float off to Nepgear's room as I followed.
Once we were out of earshot I decided to drop the bombshell question. "Why are you taking me to the lab alone?"
Histoire said nothing as we entered the dark lab and headed to a seemingly empty corner of the room. Placing one of her tiny hands on a near invisible scanner, it glowed green before the wall shifted in an upwards direction, revealing another section of the lab.
"I haven't visited this section of the lab in over 20 years…" Histoire muttered forlornly as I looked around, older technology scattered about covered in dust.
"This wasn't Nepgear's lab originally, was it?" I ask the obvious, knowing the answer.
"Uzume was ahead of her time in terms of technology." Histoire explained. "She spent many an hour down here, inventing some new peripheral or other to help her Nation, but without public appearances, Shares declined, forcing her to work on more peripherals in a vicious cycle…"
"Which led to the thing that ultimately led to her downfall, right?" I reasoned.
"Correct. She built a machine that would convert her emotions to Share energy… However she never accounted for what negative emotions would do. That ended up costing Uzume her own sanity. By the time she returned to her usual state…"
I didn't need to know. "That incident happened."
Histoire nodded solemnly. "She tried to undo the damage she had caused, but it was far too late. Shares tanked faster than ever as citizens fled Planeptune. She tried to get rid of her delusional energy in a variety of ways after that to assure the citizens she wasn't so evil, but it was too late…"
"How did she try to get rid of the delusional energy, then?" I asked, clearly curious about what happened 20 odd years ago.
"She tried to pool it into a physical object to at least get rid of it, if not destroy it entirely. Unfortunately, that just created a cursed sword…"
A cursed sword? "Go on."
"As it was made from her Negative Share Energy, she called it the "Malice Sword". While it was never wielded for obvious reasons, we theorized that it would exude enough Negative Share Energy to counteract a CPU's natural Share energy to the point where they would be rendered mortal while within the near vicinity of the blade."
I put a hand to my chin. "Which means that in theory, a CPU could be slain by it. How many people know of this?"
"Three. You, myself and Uzume of course." Floating over to a corner of the room hidden with a cloth, Histoire removed said cloth to reveal a dark purple energy sword propped up against the wall. Seeing it in person, I felt the dark energy blasting from the blade.
"What in the fuck…"
"This is Uzume's final project before she froze herself. The Malice Blade. A blade forged from pure Negative Share Energy and Planeptune's darkest secret."
… "I assume that in case of Uzume becoming a threat again, the residing CPU would use this to…"
Histoire nodded. "That is what she asked me to do in the case of her imminent revival. Thankfully you managed to reform her before that became the necessary solution."
"I see." I sigh. "Though that brings up the question of how you'd know to use that sword."
Histoire stopped. "I think… Uh… Seeing Uzume again would trigger my memory banks. Yes, that'll work."
I stared. "You just really liked Uzume, so didn't want to kill her." I stated simply.
Histoire sighed. "Pretty much."
I smiled in response. "I would have done the same thing. Don't worry about it."
Histoire perked up in response. "Thank you Koei. Ever since I regained my memory, I have felt nothing but guilt over letting her live, knowing all of this would never have happened if I had been impartial when it came to her situation, none of this would have happened."
I sighed. "Being impartial had nothing to do with it. You just cared about her too much to let her go. I can get behind that and so could anyone else with something resembling a heart."
"I suppose." Histoire reasoned. "Regardless, please keep this secret. If Neptune was to learn of this and try to use it herself…"
"Let's not and say we did." Imagining Neptune wielding such an artifact made me feel more fear than Uzume's true form.
"Indeed. Shall we return?"
With a curt nod, we left the hidden room, the wall closing back up behind us as we returned to IF.
IF was drunkenly fiddling with her phone as we returned to her. Looking up from her device, she used a free hand to wave. "Took you long enough. What, did you go for a make-out session or something?"
I gave a wry grin. "Weren't you the one flirting with me earlier?"
I enjoyed her angry stare while she blushed heavily. I don't get her often, but when I do… "S-shut up!" She denied in front of me, but really couldn't put her heart into it.
Giving the chunni a hug, I felt the burning of her blush before letting go, clearly unhappy with this turn of events. "D-Do you have to do that in front of our boss?"
"Yes." Was all I needed to say for her to continue giving me a blush filled death glare. "Aw, don't be like that, you love flirting really."
"I guess…" She muttered as we left the elevator without another word.
"Planeptune at night is so pretty." I mutter as we headed for the apartment complex. The Crevice Spike was starting to wear off, so I did what any sane alcoholic would do and got MORE BOOZE on the way back. I may have also started a bit early, swigging a can of Leanbox Beer as we walked.
"Not as pretty as me though, right?" IF asked rhetorically, to which I committed the sin of answering.
"Of course not. If it was as beautiful as you then nobody would leave due to how awe-struck they'd be."
IF rolled her eyes. "Suck up."
"That's the thing you're supposed to do." I winked as she put her head in her hands with an audible sigh.
"Always with the lewd implications, yet you've never taken the next step in our relationship. Which is fine…" IF rubbed the back of her head. "Don't want things to get awkward between us."
"Yeah…" I sigh in return. "I do apologize if it feels like I'm holding the relationship back. I'm just being cautious about things because of what we've been through…"
IF smiled in a cute manner. "It's alright. We're from entirely different dimensions, so it's fine if you feel like you need to slow things down." She reassured me. Having someone to support me despite my insecurities…
"Ah. So this is the true meaning of love." I stated simply, realising what we really had between us.
"Maybe." IF pondered aloud. "Or it could just be two people liking each other's company and wanting to spend time together."
As we approached the door, I considered her theory. "Maybe." I smiled as I used my keycard to unlock the entrance to the apartment, ready to spend the rest of the night getting wasted.
A/N: Surprise crossover, bitches! In truth I did want Lan to have a cameo and Cirno did give me their blessing.
Hopefully I didn't mess with his intended plan too much. ^^;
But yeah, I'm an inspiration, apparently. Woohoo?