A/N: Happy Scandal Thursday. For those of you still watching, I hope you enjoyed the winter finale. I'm frustrated as hell with Olivia Pope, but enjoying the show nonetheless. I haven't given up on the possibility that she'll find herself again. Once again, I wrote and edited this chapter on my iPad. Please excuse any typos and grammatical errors. I hope you enjoy!
Fitz rolled over in his sleep, reaching for Olivia, frowning when all he found were empty sheets. He opened his eyes slowly, not yet ready to face what he was certain would be his reality. The sheets were cold; she'd been gone for a while. She must have panicked and ran while he was sleeping. He normally would have felt or heard her escape, but he'd slept less than two hours the night before, reading the contract and planning for Olivia's day of surprises. That, combined with the emotion from the previous night, left him dead to the world. He sat up in the bed and ran his fingers through his hair, taming his bed head and trying to prepare himself to face a world without her.
"I'm over here," a small voice called from the sofa. Fitz's head snapped in her direction, unable to mask the surprised expression on his face. "You thought I left," she said, more a question than a statement. "Thought I ran away while you were sleeping."
"I assumed you were halfway to Miami by now."
"I thought about it," she replied with a weak smile.
"Couldn't find an Uber?" he teased.
She held up her phone so he could see the screen. "There are seven within ten minutes."
"Not convinced you want to stay?"
She shook her head. "Also not convinced I want to leave. Thus, I'm sitting on the couch staring at the app."
"Did you sleep on the couch?" he asked, noting for the first time she was still wearing his t-shirt, a blanket thrown over her legs.
"I didn't sleep much," she responded in a quiet voice. "I didn't want to wake you with my tossing and turning."
"It would have been better than waking up thinking you left," he snapped.
"I'm sorry," she said, wincing slightly.
Fitz cursed himself under his breath. She was hurting and he was the one who had hurt her. Last night never should have happened. She meant something to him, something much more important than a one-night stand, but now he worried that he'd never get the opportunity to show her. He promised her their agreement was a business arrangement and he had violated that agreement. He'd been weak and selfish, driven by his need for her, and now she was paying for his actions.
"Don't apologize. I'm being an insensitive ass. I'm grumpy before my morning coffee," he said sheepishly.
"I know."
Of course, she knew. She knew everything about him. He'd been the center of her professional world, his mood dictating her actions for years now. Funny how the tables had turned so dramatically in just a few days. Now she was the one at the center of his world. She had him thinking about marriage and babies and waking up beside her every morning for the rest of his life. His every feeling this weekend had been controlled by the look on her face and it pained him to know the uncertainty and moral self-doubt surrounding her now was his fault.
How could he help her accept that the feelings they had for each other were real without adding to her pain? To accept that she deserved to be happy, to be loved as the woman she was and not the pliable teenage girl she used to be. She deserved someone who would put her wants and needs first. He could be that someone, if she allowed him to be, but it had to be her decision. He couldn't be the reason her marriage ended. She had to come to that conclusion on her own or their relationship wouldn't survive their first fight.
Rising from the bed and heading for the dresser, he said, "Give me five minutes and I'll be ready."
"Ready for what?" she asked, confused.
"For our run," he replied as if it was the most obvious response. "You promised me a ten-mile run this morning and, since you're still here, I plan to hold you to your word. We don't have to talk if you don't want to. Hell, I won't be able to talk after the first mile. Let's just run. It'll give you an opportunity to clear your head and figure out what you want to do. If you still want to leave when we get back, I'll call you a car and send you home on my father's plane."
"I don't run to clear my head."
"I know," he said, flashing her his crooked grin. "You swim, but I didn't think us alone with you in a bikini was a good idea." She looked at him puzzled; shocked that he knew her routine. "I've seen you in the pool at the company gym after some of our most challenging days," he said, answering her unasked question. "You have a beautiful stroke," he said before disappearing into the bathroom.
Olivia rose from the couch and walked to the dresser. She wasn't in a running mood, but, he was right, swimming wasn't a good idea given the circumstances. She needed to get out of her head and nothing worked better than pushing her body beyond its limits. Plus, the fresh ocean air and exercise endorphins would do her good. Moving quickly, she changed into a pair of grey running tights and a peach Dri-Fit t-shirt, avoiding an awkward half-naked interaction with Fitz.
Fitz emerged from the bathroom just as she was tying her shoes. He shook his head, almost chuckling aloud as he took in her outfit. She was almost completely covered in material, dressed more conservatively than she had been all weekend. She may have covered her skin, but the outfit did nothing to hide her curves. Not that it mattered. No outfit would make him forget how glorious she looked naked. He'd memorized every inch of her body from the chicken pox scar behind her right ear to the crescent birthmark on her right hip to the mole on the bottom of her left foot.
"Are you ready?" he asked.
"Ready," she replied.
When they got to the beach, Olivia took off running, setting a punishing eight-minute mile pace. Fitz sighed deeply, remembering why he hated running, and took off after her. He knew she would test his endurance, but he was determined to keep up, to allow her to punish him physically as she tried to outrun her guilt. She felt him settle in beside her, but she looked straight ahead, determined she wouldn't allow him to distract her.
She needed to come to some understanding of what had happened between them and why she had allowed it to happen. Fitz hadn't pushed or pressured his way into her bed; she had welcomed him there willingly. Had he caught her in a moment of weakness, the emotional highs and lows of the day making her needy for the comfort of a lover's touch? Was it the intimacy of their situation, spending four days pretending to be a couple that had weakened her resolve?
Was it more? Did this time apart from Jake allow her to question her happiness with the man she had committed herself to as a teenager? Had she been too young, too inexperienced, and too immature to understand what Jake's love demanded of her? Had she lost touch with who she was, giving away parts of herself, to please a man that was unworthy of her devotion? Was she in love with man he'd become and not the just the one that had rescued her all those years ago?
She raced ahead, determined to banish thoughts of the heat of Fitz's mouth against her skin, the intimacy of his touch, and his passionate demand for connection during her climax. Before Fitz, she'd never known intimacy could be so beautiful. He should have felt foreign; an interloper in her most private of spaces, but that wasn't the case. Being with him was a choreographed dance and they had fallen into step easily and naturally, as if they were meant to be.
Last night, she had given into his desires and, in turn, he had focused all of his attention on her pleasure. The way he manipulated her body, the way she responded to his touch frightened her. She'd never imagined someone could make her feel so adored or that she would be so desperate to forget that feeling. If Fitz's embrace was where she wanted to be, why had the night ended so terribly and why did she feel so guilty this morning?
After her Apple Watch tapped, alerting her to their fourth mile, her mind began to clear. Finally, the pain from her pace dominated her conscious, pushing away all other thoughts. She delighted in the quiet, focusing solely on her feet pounding on the sand and her breathing. Step, step, inhale. Step, step, exhale. She welcomed the ensuing release of endorphins, blocking the pain and paving the way for euphoria.
By the time they made the turn after the fifth mile, she was like a gazelle, graceful and free, her muscles pushing her forward on autopilot. With two miles to go, she sneaked a glance at Fitz. He was obviously exhausted, although he had not once complained. Their morning run was the perfect analogy for their weekend. He had allowed her to set the pace based on her needs and wants, ignoring his own needs and discomfort to please her.
Feeling bad for him, she slowed her pace to a jog. Fitz adjusted his speed, relaxing his burning muscles and cramping calves. Olivia allowed herself to look at him, and her heart dropped into her stomach. His golden tanned skin was covered in a sheen of sweat, his wet curls flopped in his face, and his clothes clung tightly to his muscular frame. My god he is beautiful, she thought, and the things he can do with his mouth.
Fitz returned her gaze without speaking, smiling knowingly at her. How could any woman be expected to resist him, especially when he was looking at her like that. Did she even want to? Ignoring the slow heat building within her abdomen, she pressed forward. Their run was ending and he was expecting an answer. Was she staying or was she leaving? Was she going home to repair her marriage or was she staying to explore her feelings for him?
As they approached the house, Olivia continued to slow her pace until eventually they were walking. When they finally came to a stop, Fitz bent over, panting, trying to catch his breath. He looked up at her and, without a trace of condescension in his voice, asked, "Feel better?"
"Yes, thanks. The run was exactly what I needed. Wait here," she said, walking away from him. Fitz's brows furrowed in confusion. "I'm not leaving," she called over her shoulder. "I'll be right back," she said as she sprinted in the direction of the main house. Fitz groaned, collapsing into the sand wondering where she found the energy.
After a few minutes, Olivia came trotting back to the beach carrying her loot in a blanket. "Are we running away from home?" he teased.
"Shut up and hold these," she replied playfully, dumping her bounty - four bottles of water and three bananas - into his lap as she spread out the blanket on the sand. After she was settled, she invited him to join her on the blanket. "I'm ready to talk."
He downed half of the bottle of water before repositioning himself on the blanket facing her. "Why did you agree to join me this weekend?" he asked, handing her two bottles of water and a banana.
"You won't like the answer," she said, fidgeting with the top of her water bottle.
He shrugged, peeling his banana and breaking off half. "You don't have to try to please me, Liv. All I want is for you to be yourself. I just want to get to know you," he said, popping the banana in his mouth and chasing it with the other half of his water.
"I agreed to join you because I want to have a baby." Confused and alarmed, Fitz nearly choked as he sat up and turned so his whole body was facing her. Olivia couldn't help but laugh at his reaction. "Not with you," she explained, still laughing. He calmed down and joined in her laughter. "I wanted to have a baby with Jake. I've wanted to start a family for years, but the timing has never been right. With the money you offered me to join you, I thought the time would finally be right."
"Are you having difficulty conceiving?"
"Yes. No. I don't know," she said, taking a swig of her water.
Fitz smiled at her and laughed softly. "Well...which is it? Yes, no or I don't know?"
"I don't know. I've never been pregnant, not even a scare, but I've also never tried to get pregnant."
"Then why did you need the money?"
"After the business went under, Jake wanted to wait until we were financially secure before trying. We're both working now, but he's still hesitant. I thought having the money would move him from not now to yes."
"Oh..." Fitz offered, not sure what else to say. Olivia wanted to start a family, with her husband. The thought of her swollen with another man's child made him crazy. Could he stand by and watch as someone else's seed grew within her? Would it be easier not to have her in his life than to watch her start a family, the family he wanted, with Jake? "For what it's worth," he said, "I think you'll be a wonderful mom."
"Thanks," she replied bashfully. "It means a lot coming from you, seeing as how I've be charged with taking care of you for the last four years," she said smiling warmly.
"How many kids do you want?"
"At least two. I am an only child and I don't want that for my children. I want them to have someone they can depend on after I'm gone."
"Livvie..." he called softly, emotion swirling in his eyes, reaching for her hand, drawing small circles on the back of her palm to soothe her. He knew this opinion was formed by her painful experience as an orphan, a loneliness that no one, not even a family of her own, would ever be able to fully erase. "Only two?" he asked.
Olivia made the mistake of looking directly into his eyes and felt herself drowning in their blue depths. She knew what he wanted her to say. He wanted her to share his vision of a family with three kids. But, did she? She knew she wanted multiple children, but Jake's hesitance to start a family had tempered her dreams. Deciding to answer honestly, she replied, "I don't have an exact plan. I just know I want more than one. I also know I'm not as young as I used to be and the thought of three kids under the age of four terrifies me," she said with a light laugh. "I don't know if there will be enough time to have more than two children."
Fitz nodded silently, leaning back on his elbows and stretching his legs out in front of him, turning his face up to the sun. "If this was just about the money, why didn't you take me up on my offer to let you keep it and go home to your husband?"
"You asked me why I agreed to join you and I told you, but that's not why I'm here." Fitz rolled his head so he was looking at her, inviting her to continue. "I'm here because you needed me. I'm always going to show up for you, unless you tell me you don't want me."
"I will always want you," he said, the longing evident in his voice. "That's not our problem," he finished softly.
"You don't think I want you?" she asked, her voice barely above a whisper.
He yearned to wrap her small body in his embrace and hold her close, but they'd barely touched that morning and he didn't know how she would respond. He scooted closer to her on the blanket so their legs were touching. She didn't flinch, but she didn't move closer either. Encouraged by her neutral response, he pulled her to him. Welcoming his touch, she allowed him to support her weight while rested her head on his shoulder, facing away from him. When she was settled, he said, "I don't think you know what you want."
"I took my clothes off for you," she said without turning to face him.
"And you felt disloyal for doing so." He sighed, frustrated by the memory of her withdrawing from him, raking his hand through his hair.
Staring straight ahead, she asked, "How should I feel?" There was an odd distance in her voice that unsettled Fitz, but he remained quiet, allowing her to continue. "I'm married. I cheated on my husband after promising him he could trust me alone with you. I never thought I would be this person."
"You haven't cheated, not yet."
"You are such a man," she said, rolling her eyes. "Just because we didn't have intercourse doesn't mean I didn't cheat. I was naked in bed with you and you know what I look like when I climax. I came with your face buried between my legs, at your command, screaming your name. That's cheating."
"I may be a man, but so is your husband. Do you really think he hasn't done as much as, if not more than, we did last night with some other woman? What exactly do you think happens in hotel bars during those long business trips or drunken holiday parties? Do you really believe you're the only woman he's touched for the duration of your relationship?"
"Fuck you, Fitz. Jake is nothing like you," she snarled, pulling away from him.
Fitz resisted the urge to chase her. This weekend had been his master's course in all things Olivia Ballard and he had learned when she got angry like this she had something to hide or was hiding from something. Which was it? Did she suspect her husband had been unfaithful or was she pulling away because the callous way he'd described marital infidelities cheapened what they shared?
Seeking to reassure her that his swipe was directed at her husband and her marriage, but not at her, he replied, "Exactly, which is why I know I'm right. I know exactly how special you are and I would never take you or your love for granted. Can you say the same for him?"
Olivia hated how easily he read her, unearthing truths she intended to keep hidden. She didn't suspect her husband had been unfaithful, but she couldn't deny that she felt taken for granted, her contributions discounted and her opinions often unsolicited. However, this, whatever it was that was happening with Fitz, wasn't about her husband. It was about her. She was the one that cheated, the one that sought pleasure in another man's arms. She invited a third person into her marriage, but for what gain. She sighed deeply. "What do you want from me?" she asked, her eyes meeting his once again.
He gently cupped her face with one hand, softly stroking her cheek with his thumb and gazed into her eyes. "The question is not what I want. I think I've been clear about that. The question is what you want. The way I see it, you have four options. You want him, you want me, you want both of us or you want neither of us. I'm pretty sure it's not the last one so that only leaves you with three choices."
She pulled away from his grasp. "Are you offering to be my mistress?" she asked, partially joking, but mostly serious.
"There has to be a masculine version of that noun," he said with a snort.
"You're stalling."
"I'm not. You want to know if I would share you with him. That's a hard question to respond to because the answer is more complicated than a simple yes or no. I'm not in this to get laid, if I was there are much easier ways for me to do so. Moreover, the thought of another man, even your husband, touching you, pleasing you, makes me crazy. Yet, I don't want to lose you, and now that I've tasted you, I know that I can't deny you." Olivia's face flushed as the memories of the previous night once again resurfaced.
"So, the short answer is yes. If sharing you is the only way I can have you, then yes, I would share you. However, it wouldn't be easy for me because I know going into this that I want more. I want all of you and I want to give you everything. I want to give you babies, three babies, and whatever else your heart desires. More than anything, I just want to make you happy and, if sharing you is what makes you happy, then I could, I would, do it."
"Have you been with a married woman before?"
"Yes," he responded simply, deciding there was no point in sugarcoating his past. One day he would have to tell her about his history with Jake's mother and he didn't want any deception in this moment to add to her disappointment with him.
Olivia swallowed hard. She wasn't surprised. He'd been frank enough for her to know he wasn't very selective about whom he bedded, but that didn't dull the sting of knowing she was one of many. "More than once?"
"More than one woman or more than one time with the same married woman?" he asked, growing increasingly uncomfortable with the direction of the conversation. "It doesn't matter. The answer to both questions is yes. Seth wasn't wrong when he said the man he knew didn't believe in love and commitment. In that space, married, emotionally unavailable women looking for no strings attached relationships were ideal. All they wanted from me was sex and all I needed from them was gratification. It was a mutually beneficial arrangement."
"Is that what you're offering me, no strings attached sex?"
He knew she was trying to figure out how she fit into his life, looking for reassurance that his feelings were real and she wasn't another conquest. "I'm offering you whatever you're brave enough to take."
"You think I'm a coward?"
"What other explanation is there for why you married him instead of waiting for someone better to show up. I think you convinced yourself that you were in love with him because he was available, interested, and non-threatening. You convinced yourself he was the one because you were afraid to be alone again. Therefore, you married him, completely ignoring the little voice inside your head screaming that you were making a mistake. The voice trying to convince you that you deserved better and that better was out there waiting for you."
Olivia groaned inwardly. He was doing it again, killing her softly with his precise and focused attacks on her marriage. Of course, she had doubts before she married Jake, but she'd pushed those doubts aside, convincing herself they were normal pre-wedding jitters. Now Fitz had brought them back with a vengeance. Had she made a mistake marrying Jake or was she falling for the charms of skilled seducer? "You think you're better?"
"I think I might be. For you, I'm willing to take a chance, to risk being hurt again." Her brow furrowed and she leaned away from him in shock. Did he really think she would, could, hurt him? Fitz noted her reaction, but continued without addressing it, "Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe your husband is everything you say he is. But, maybe I'm not and this, us, what we have together is special. Maybe we could both have everything we've ever dreamed of, but were too damn afraid to demand for ourselves."
"What are you afraid of?" she asked tentatively.
"I'm afraid of being vulnerable again, of getting hurt. I was devastated after Elizabeth died and I promised myself I'd never be in a position to be hurt like that again. Instead, I became a statue, unable to feel anything. I thought I had everything I needed, but you have shown me that's not the case. Now that I know you're out there, I can't just walk away from you and ignore how I feel when we're together."
"You've given me a hope that I didn't know I was longing for it. You've shown me a way to satisfy a yearning I didn't know I had. I'm afraid of opening myself up to feel all of this, offering you everything I am, and having you chose him anyway," he said, the words rushing from his mouth. His eyes gleaming with expectation, he moved closer to her, taking her face in his shaking hands. With his face inches away from hers, he asked, "So, Livvie, the choice is yours. What do you want? Are you staying or are you leaving?"
Olivia looked at him, her pupils dilated, her breath coming in short, quick gasps. How could one man be so intense? He was too much and his presence overwhelmed her. Needing to regain some perspective, Olivia slipped out of his caress and moved to rise from the blanket. Afraid that he would lose her, he grabbed her by the arm and pleaded. "Don't go." He hadn't intended to sound so needy, so desperate, but this was their last full day together. His last chance to be alone with her in the world they had created for themselves. His last chance to tell her how he felt before they had to go back to being an executive and his assistant.
Olivia shook her head, resettling on the blanket. "I'm not leaving. I just can't think when you're that close to me. This isn't a decision I can make when you're looking at me like that, like I'm your reason for being. I'm not running. I'm not going anywhere, but I need some space. There's something happening between us, but it's too much, too fast. I'm not sure I can trust what I'm feeling. If I'm going to do this, if we're going to do this, I need to be sure. I can't risk everything unless I'm sure."
"I'm sorry," he said, acknowledging how pushy he must seem to her. "I didn't mean to pressure you. I understand you need time to process everything that's happened. I'll give you all the space you need. I'll give you whatever you need, whatever you want."
He was doing it again, being all charming and irresistible. What woman wouldn't want to be with a man that promised her the world and had the wherewithal to deliver on his promises? How was she supposed to get the space she needed if he kept sucking her right back in deeper than she was before? Seriously, how was she supposed to think when she lost all reason whenever he was close? Olivia looked at her watch. "We should head back to the house. They will be looking for us, especially now that we've missed breakfast."
"Are you sure you want to stay?" he asked hesitantly. "You asked for space and the performance we're putting on in there doesn't allow for much space."
"I'm sure. The pretending is not the problem. I know you don't love me. I know we're not getting married. There's nothing confusing about that," Olivia explained, more to convince herself than to convince him.
Fitz bristled at the cavalier way Olivia dismissed the possibility of his love for her. He couldn't remember exactly when he'd stopped pretending, but everything that had transpired between them yesterday had been real. He didn't have an ulterior motive. He simply wanted to make her happy, to listen to the sound of her laughter and watch as her eyes danced with excitement. He wanted to show her she was different and to prove to her that she could trust what she was feeling. Now he worried the way their evening ended had eroded any progress they made.
Olivia watched as Fitz's mind took him somewhere far away. Judging by the vacant look on his face it wasn't his happy place. Was he already growing impatient with her indecision? How long could she reasonably expect him to wait for her? Would he be waiting alone? He had agreed to share her. Was there an implicit agreement that she would also be sharing him? Would she be able to handle images of him and other women splashed all over social media?
She shook her head to clear her thoughts and focus on the task ahead. She had agreed to stay so they needed to get back in there and resume their happy couple routine. She popped up from the blanket and turned to face Fitz. "Come on old man," she said extending her hand to help him up from the blanket. "Let's get you into a cold bath so you can start the recovery process. Can you walk?" she asked innocently.
Fitz chuckled. "What?" she asked.
"Nothing," he replied quickly, too quickly.
"You pick now to start keeping secrets about what you're thinking?" she chided.
Fit chuckled again, as he accepted her hand, stood up, and gathered the blanket and their trash from the beach. "It was nothing." She looked at him frowning, making it clear that she wasn't going to move until he talked to her. "Fine," he said defeated, raking his hand through his hair. "I was just thinking about how I thought I would be the one to asking you that question this morning." The familiar burning of desire pooled in her belly as she recalled the things he'd done to her body. She looked up and her wide chocolate brown eyes clashed with his narrowed blue eyes. "Do you regret it?"
She grew quiet for a minute, obviously contemplating her response. "Regret isn't the word I would use. I gave myself to you because that was what I wanted to do. Last night was amazing, you were amazing," she said brightly. Suddenly and unexpectedly, her face turned sad, the warm smile fading from her lips. "I just wish...," she said her voice trailing off. "I just wish we had waited, that I had waited until I was sure. I should have waited until I could fully give myself to you and could receive you in return. You deserved better."
"What do you think I deserve?"
"You deserve someone who can do more than take from you. You deserve someone who can give herself to you without hesitation or reservation."
"Are you saying that's not you?"
"I'm married."
"And I'm a wealthy playboy. What does that have to do with who we are when we're together?"
"Did you really just call yourself a playboy?" she asked, her mock horror fading quickly to giggles.
"Did I lie?" he asked, laughing along with her, relieved that the mood had lightened. "Now, stop deflecting. Are you saying you're not that person? Because, if so, then that's not who I want. I agreed to give you all the space and time you need to decide what you want, but I will not allow you to define what I want. And Liv?" he asked, waiting until she had his full attention.
"Yes," she replied expectantly.
"The next time you call me an old man," he said, pausing for dramatic effect. She looked up at him, her eyes sparkling as she waited for him to finish his statement. He leaned forward and, in a deep baritone, sexily threatened, "I'm going to pin you to the nearest flat surface and fuck you boneless." Olivia stood there in stunned silence, her arousal dampening her panties, as Fitz trotted off in the direction of the cottage. "Are you coming?" he called over his shoulder. Olivia released a tortured groan before moving quickly to catch up to him before he reached the main house.
When they entered the house, they found Esmeralda hovering near the patio doors, obviously waiting for their return. "Mr. Grant. Ms. Pope," she called. The couple turned to face her, both smiling warmly. "There you are. Mr. and Mrs. Merkle were a little concerned when you missed breakfast."
"We're sorry to disappoint them," Olivia started to explain. "We slept in this morning and then I dragged this one out for a ten-mile run this morning," she continued, beaming at Fitz as she talked about him. How did she turn it on and off so easily, he questioned. He quickly scolded himself, refusing to give into the doubts that threatened to creep into his conscious. "The weather is so beautiful we decided to grab a light snack on the beach."
Esmeralda nodded along as Olivia spoke. When she was finished explaining, Esmeralda delivered the message she had been charged with passing along. "Mr. and Mrs. Merkle would like to invite the two of you to join them for lunch at their club. They left earlier, but will send a car to pick you up at twelve thirty."
Fitz replied, "Please communicate our acceptance to our gracious hosts. We look forward to joining them this afternoon." The young woman nodded curtly and quickly moved away from the couple. "Esmeralda," Fitz called.
"Yes, sir," she replied.
"Do you know if the other couples will be joining us for lunch or will it just be the four of us?"
"I don't know, sir. Do you want me to ask?"
"No need to trouble them. We will find out when we get there. I was just curious."
With that said, Esmeralda turned on her heels and headed in the direction of the kitchen. When she was out of earshot, Olivia asked, "What do you think this is about?"
Fitz headed towards their room, talking as he and Olivia walked. "After the conversation you had with Stephen last night, it's impossible to know. It could be a group social gathering with some of the weekend guests or it could just be the four of us. If it's just the four of us, there's an equally likely chance the lunch is about a future business collaboration between our companies as it is an invitation to play mixed doubles tennis."
"Why include Jean and me if it's a business lunch?"
"Stephen likes you." Olivia scrunched up her face in a frown. Fitz sighed softly. She was so adorable when she made that face that he had a hard time resisting the urge to kiss her. After three days of being openly affectionate with her, he didn't know how he was going to control himself. "Not the dirty old man kind of like," he said with a chuckle. "Although, I'm sure he's noticed that you're as close to perfect as any woman can be. Was there anything off with his behavior last night?"
"No, he was adorably awkward, not sure where to touch me. From what I can tell, he's completely devoted to Jean. His son is the one that's a fucking scumbag," she said, her small body tensing as she paused in front of their bedroom door.
Fitz placed his hands on her shoulders and began to massage them gently at first, but then deeper when he realized how tense she was. Olivia's head fell forward. "That feels so good," she moaned.
"I'm sorry," he offered, continuing his ministrations.
"For what?" she asked, genuinely confused.
"Your body is in knots because of me. I didn't mean to cause you stress. I would never set out to cause you pain."
Olivia laughed, "Yes, this is all your fault, but not the way you think." Fitz briefly halted his motions as he waited for her to continue. "My shoulders always feel like this. I blame you because of what you put me through at work, not here." She reluctantly stepped away from him, his hands falling from her shoulders as she turned to face him.
"None of this is your fault. I'm not your victim. Everything that's happened, I've let happen; some of it I've initiated. I've been a willing and eager participant. If anyone should be apologizing, it should be me. You're not the bad guy," she said, stretching up on her tiptoes and kissing him softly, allowing her lips to linger. He returned her kiss, but she could tell he was holding back, being careful with her. Understanding he was trying to protect himself, she pulled away, looked at him and smiled. It was selfish of her to kiss him, but she couldn't help herself. She missed him, missed the intimacy that had become routine over the past few days.
Without a word, Olivia turned away from him and opened the door to their bedroom. He followed her inside and sat on the edge of the bed. "Do you want to shower first?"
"No, you go ahead and start your bath. I need to make a phone call," she said solemnly.
"Oh...," he said awkwardly. "Do you want me to stay? I could sit with you...while you talk to him."
"That's sweet, but this is something I need to do by myself."
"Are you going to tell him?"
Olivia smiled weakly, joining him on the bed. "I haven't decided. I'm not exactly sure what I would tell. The only thing I know for sure is telling him now, like this, would only hurt him. He'll have questions and right now I don't have any answers. I can't talk to him about this until I know what this is, until I know what I want from him." She paused, locking eyes with him, joining their hands. "And from you."
Wanting to lighten the mood, she leaned against him and sniffed at the air. "You stink," she teased. "Do you want me to draw your bath?"
"That would be nice, but, if it's all the same to you, I'll take a rain check." Olivia smiled and nodded, masking her disappointment. He bent over and kissed the top of her head. "I'll leave you to it. If you need me, I'll be in the bathroom freezing my ass off in the tub."
Thirty minutes later, Olivia startled slightly, trying, and failing, to wipe discreetly the tears from her face when Fitz emerged from the bathroom, showered and freshly shaven, his towel riding low on his hips. It would have been easy to look at his beautiful body nearly naked in front of her, but she didn't trust her body not to respond to him. The illogical attraction that leapt between them in that moment confused her. She was being eaten alive by guilt and yet she wanted him in the worst way. She had to get her feelings under control so she could make it through the end of the trip. She sighed, mixed emotions swirling through her as she looked up at him.
"Did he say something to upset you?" he asked, tension vibrating off him in waves, enveloping her, as he rummaged through the dresser looking for underwear and socks.
"No, it was just the opposite." Fitz looked at her confused. "He was incredibly sweet," she explained. "He was worried because I didn't return any of his calls or texts yesterday; allowing worst case scenarios to play over and over in his mind. He was relieved to hear my voice, to know that I'm okay, but he's ready for me to come home. Whatever history there is between the two of you makes him worry that he'll lose me. He didn't come right out and say it, but I could tell. He just needed to be reassured that I love him and I'm coming home to him." As soon as the words left her lips, she cringed at her insensitivity. "I'm sorry."
Fitz felt like he'd been punched in the stomach. It wasn't that he thought she would decide to leave her husband after one weekend with him, but listening to her talk about returning to Jake made him instantly and irrationally jealous. "Don't be. You've been honest so far. No need to start lying now. I know you're married. I know you're going home to him tomorrow. I understand what I've agreed to," he said, trying to hide the quiver of pain in his voice as he walked in the closet to get dressed.
An uncomfortable silence hung in the air. Olivia couldn't remember ever having an uncomfortable moment with Fitz, but they were having one now. Needing to focus on something other than the man in front of her, she rubbed both hands across her face, she closed her eyes, and steepled her fingers over her nose and mouth. The car would be there to pick them up for lunch in little over an hour. They had to push through this awkwardness and find their way back to the people they were yesterday.
She rose from the couch and stopped in front of the closet door. "I'm going to jump in the shower and start getting ready. Do you need anything before I go?"
"No. I'm fine," he responded, without turning to look at her.
Olivia turned and trudged into the bathroom. She turned the shower on and quickly undressed. Stepping in the shower, she allowed the scalding water to ease away her tension. After several minutes, she gathered herself and began to move efficiently through her routine. After her shower, she rubbed lotion into her skin, pushing away thoughts of Fitz's much larger hands moving across her body; brushed her teeth; applied light, natural make-up to her face and a heavier concealer that Renee left her to cover the bruises on her arm; and flat-ironed her hair straight. She slipped on the robe Stacey gave her and entered the bedroom to get dressed.
She was surprised to find that Fitz wasn't there waiting for her, the only evidence of his recent presence the lingering scent of his cologne. He was avoiding her, which shouldn't bother her, but it did. She was the one that asked for space, but after days of being doted on, being the sole focus of his attention, his sudden absence left her feeling bereft. Add to that her guilt and sexual frustration, and she was an emotional powder keg ready to blow. She took a deep breath to center herself. Fitz had more riding on their performance than she did. He had no choice but to return to her physically even if he remained emotionally unavailable.
She selected a knee-length, sleeveless, lavender high-neck pencil dress and a pair of white ankle strap, block heel sandals from the closet. She accessorized her outfit with a pair of diamond studs and a diamond cuff bracelet. The look was soft and feminine, sexy without trying to be. Smoothing her hair and straightening her dress, she took one last look in the mirror, making sure everything was perfect. When she was satisfied, she exited the bedroom in search of Fitz.
He sensed her presence before he saw her, the return of the now familiar warmth that coursed through his body whenever she was near. He looked up and found her standing in the doorway, her dark, intense eyes blazing into him. She wasn't pleased and she wanted him to know it. "You left me," she said coolly.
He knew he wasn't being fair, but he couldn't help it. He was angry that it was so easy for her to reassure her husband, while she left him twisting in the wind, waiting for her to acknowledge what they both knew was true. "I didn't go far," he said, rising from the couch to greet her, his body wanting to be in her orbit even as his head knew better. "You look beautiful as usual," he continued, his mood improving the closer he got to her. He was happy to see her, despite himself. If he was smart he would push her away; end this before both of them got hurt, but being near her made him stupid.
"You don't look too bad yourself." That was an understatement. He was sexy as hell, wearing a perfectly tailored navy Armani suit. Foregoing the tie, he opted instead leaving the top three buttons of his crisp white button-down open. With his distinctive swagger and killer-sexy smile, he oozed testosterone as he stalked toward her, bending down to kiss her cheek. Her breathing went shallow and her knees went weak just looking at him. She wanted this man, so much more than she should.
He sensed her hunger and her struggle to overcome it. He ached to drag her back into the bedroom, toss her on the bed, and push the hardness of his body into the softness of hers, to experience her one time before he lost the opportunity. Nevertheless, he knew nothing good would come from giving into their desire. It was time to put their game faces on and get through this lunch. "Are you ready? The car should be here."
"Are we okay?" she asked, lacing her fingers with his.
He lifted their combined hands to his lips, kissing the back of her hand. "We're going to be fine." She narrowed her eyes at him suspiciously. "We are. Whatever you decide, we will be fine."
Without another word, he led her down the stairs, out of the cottage, and into the waiting town car. The car ride was quiet, but comfortable, as both Fitz and Olivia immersed themselves in their own thoughts. Occasionally, one would sneak a glance at the other and smile reassuring, both working overtime to convince the other that everything really would be okay. It was a short ride from the house to the Merkles' club. When they arrived, the couple was escorted to a private room where Stephen, Jean, three Caucasian men ranging in age from about forty-five to sixty-five, and one African-American woman in her late thirties or early forties waited for them.
Stephen immediately rose from his seat to welcome the couple. "Fitz and Olivia, thanks for agreeing to join us. There were some people I wanted you both to meet last night, but the two of you disappeared before I had an opportunity to introduce you," he explained, smiling warmly and winking knowingly. Turning to face the other guests, Stephen began the introductions, "Fitz and Olivia, I'd like you to meet my executive team. You've already spoken to Jeffrey Irvin, our CFO. This is Nathan Roberts, our COO; Jackson Sullivan, our CIO; and Alexandra James, our CLO. Team, this is Fitzgerald Grant, III, COO of Grant Enterprise, and Olivia Pope, his fiancée."
Fitz and Olivia made their way around the table, shaking hands and exchanging pleasantries. When they came to the two empty chairs, Fitz pulled out her chair, waited until she was seated, and then lowered himself into his own chair. Once the couple was settled, the guests turned their attention back to their host.
"I wanted to bring everyone together because, for decades, Grant Enterprises and Merkle Industries have successfully collaborated on numerous projects. Our hope is that this relationship will continue well after Big Gerry's retirement. Fitz, I don't know if you plan to maintain your father's executive team or create a new team, but I wanted to introduce you to my c-suite. They are an incredible team and can be a valuable resource to you as you transition into the CEO role."
Olivia shot a curious glance in Fitz's direction and he replied with a quick squeeze to her knee. He too was perplexed and struggling to uncover the motives behind Stephen's odd behavior. Why schedule a lunch to introduce him to the Merkle Industries executive team? It was starting to feel like Stephen was grooming Fitz for a position with his company and that confused him. Did Stephen know something about his future at Grant Enterprises that he didn't know? Had the Board already made up their mind?
"So, Fitz, I understand you were an architect before you were an executive. Do you still sketch or have you hung up your pencil?" Nathan asked.
Fitz chuckled softly. "Very little is hand sketched these days. Computers do most of the work. In fact," he said, looking at Olivia, "the last thing I hand sketched is her engagement ring." Olivia turned to him, her eyes searching his to determine if he was telling the truth. All she found was sincerity and adoration as she felt her insides start to puddle with emotion. Fitz returned his attention to the group. "But, that's not the answer you were looking for. I'm not done being an architect. I have several projects on my bucket list - something big, something splashy, something meaningful, and something personal. I won't retire my pencil until these are complete."
Jean looked at Fitz, "Surely I'm not the only one that's curious. What are the four projects?"
Fitz smiled mysteriously. "They're still a work in progress, but I have somethings in mind. For something big, I'd like to design a Smithsonian or a presidential library. For something splashy, I want to break records with a new skyscraper. My original plans were New York, LA or Chicago, but now I know I want to build in Boston. I want to astound Olivia with the design and the views of her city. If I can impress her, I'm not worried about the judges and critics," he said with a shrug. "She's my biggest fan and my harshest critic. She pushes me to grow and take risks. If the splashy project come to fruition, it be because of her love and support gently pushing me to greatness.
"For something meaningful, I actually have two projects in mind. The first is a cancer hospital -"
"For my mother," Olivia whispered, her doe eyes glistening with tears.
"In memory of your mother," he confirmed, smiling warmly. He reached out for her hand, offering some small token of support. She grasped it tightly, comforted by his touch as she tried to gather her emotions. "The second project is a low-income housing development for first time buyers. This project is my baby. It will be mine cradle to grave. No developers. I have a team of realtors on alert looking for the ideal space. No subcontractors. Just a hand selected team of Grant Enterprises employees. This will be the crowning achievement of my career."
Fitz felt Olivia's hand on his knee and turned to her. She was beaming at him, her misty eyes clouded with emotion. He quickly dipped his face to hers and delivered a tender, caring kiss. He placed his hand over hers and continued. "The personal project is the home where Olivia and I will raise our family. Of all the projects that will bear my name, this will be the most important. I'm not just designing and building a home, I'm creating the space where our future will live. This space will be the physical vessel that provides the security for the love and happiness that will reside inside."
Fitz heard Olivia's breath catch in the throat and oriented to her in time to see the tears streaming down her face. She feverishly wiped her tears away, but couldn't stop a new round from falling. "Please excuse me," she said, smiling tremulously, moving quickly away from the table.
Fitz immediately rose from his seat. "I need to make sure she's okay," he explained, heading out of the room after her.
Stephen's executive team exchanged awkward glances, all trying to process what just happened with Fitz and Olivia. Jean was the first to break the silence. "The poor dear, she lost her mother to cancer when she was a teen and her father several years later. I'm sure yesterday's trip to Boston has her feeling a little raw."
Stephen wrapped her arm around his wife's chair, rubbing her back gently. "Jean is right. The young couple is processing a lot right now with the engagement and the upcoming leadership transition at a Grant Enterprises. I'm sure Olivia just needs a moment to gather herself."
"Fitz certainly appears devoted to her. Not at all what I expected given the way Big Gerry complains about his son's lack of focus. I dare say I'm impressed," Alex said.
Stephen nodded. "While we have a moment alone, what do you think? What are your honest first impressions?"
Nate was the first to answer. "Professionally, he's well regarded. The company has thrived under his leadership. He's bolder and takes bigger risks than his father and it has paid off for him. His name is attached to Grant Enterprises' biggest and splashiest projects over the past ten years. He's a hell of an architect. He's won a bunch of awards including an AIA Small Project Award and an AIA Architecture Award. The soft underbelly he described and the need to give back appear to be legit. He is a future Whitney M. Young Jr. Award winner. With the proper resources, he could be an AIA Gold Medal winner. We've never worked together though, he's always worked directly with Seth. He's a loyal guy. Do you think that will be a problem?"
"I'm not sure," Stephen replied. "Right now there seems to be some tension, possibly hostility, between Fitz and Seth. Neither one has mentioned it, but given who they are, I wouldn't be surprised if it has something to do with Olivia. She tensed up in my arms last night when she saw the two of them talking," Stephen explained. Annoyed by his casual reference to holding another woman, Jean shot her husband a scathing look, which he ignored. "Whatever it is, we may be able to exploit it for our purposes."
"Do you want me to keep an eye on Seth?"
"No need, I've made arrangements to work closely with Fitz over the next few months. Can you believe those cheap bastards at the Patterson Group were going to award the bid to a small shop in Miami just to save a few hundred thousand dollars? It took some arm-twisting, but I was able to convince them to choose Grant Enterprises by promising them the project would come in three percent under budget. We'll see what magic Fitz and Cyrus can work on their end, but we may have to take a small loss on this one."
"Stephen," Jeff groaned. "Is this kid really worth all of this? Why do you want to waste your time babysitting him on this project? We don't even know he'll be the next Grant Enterprises CEO. My sources tell me the Board is split, half of them love him and the other half is convinced he'll turn the company into Sodom and Gomorrah."
"I'm not worried about their Board," Stephen dismissed. "Keep the investors happy and the Board will be happy. Ultimately, all they care about are reputation and stock prices. The half that's worried about reputation obviously hasn't met Olivia. She will put their concerns to rest. Fitz has three major projects in the pipeline. That, combined with a strong third quarter performance, which I'm sure Cyrus will deliver, should ensure market stability."
"I hate to be Debbie Downer here, but you pay me to be a cynic," Jeff pressed on. "A couple of days with the same beautiful woman on his arm hasn't convinced me that he's changed. Alex, you're just as cynical as I am, help me out here."
"I did my due diligence as well," Alex started. "Investigating someone with his reputation, you would expect to find a rash of sexual harassment complaints, lawsuits, settlements or payoffs. I couldn't find anything. I even reached out to a couple of professional contacts in Miami. Everyone said the same thing; he's a flirt with a weakness for alcohol and beautiful women. As far as I can tell, everything is consensual and it doesn't seem to bleed over into the professional. They didn't know he was engaged and didn't know anything about Olivia. I also couldn't find a record that they filed a prenuptial agreement. It could be nothing. Do you want me to keep digging?"
"I don't think that's necessary. I'll follow up with Big Gerry in a couple of weeks and get his read on his future daughter-in-law. If there's something there, he'll tell me. He won't be able to help himself. Jackson, you've been uncharacteristically quiet. What did you find?"
"I did a quick search of his social media profiles and other public profiles. It was pretty much what you would expect. I don't think there's a stripper or an Instagram Girl in Miami that he hadn't been photographed with."
"What's an Instagram Girl?" Jeff asked.
Alex laughed. "You really are a cranky, old man. These young women post borderline pornographic pictures of themselves in various stages of undress to attract millions of followers on Instagram. They're essentially famous for being young, beautiful, and naked." Jeff and Jean rolled their eyes while Nate and Stephen chuckled.
"As I was saying," Jackson continued, "his personal profiles were fairly standard for a handsome, rich guy living and partying in Miami. That was up until nine months ago. It was as if someone flipped a switch. Good-bye strippers and IG girls. After that, he started using his social media profiles to promote Grant Enterprises and his philanthropic activities. He's not completely reformed, he still occasionally gets tagged at a club or private event, but it's all PG-13. I did find it odd that there are no photos or mention of Olivia."
"Maybe he's protecting her from his image," Nate suggested. "If she were my fiancée and I had his reputation, I wouldn't want her to be exposed to constant reminders about my past. Stephen, what do you think? Is he the one?"
"I think he's perfect."
"They're perfect," Jean corrected. "He wasn't trying to impress you or your team. He was trying to impress Olivia and it looks like he succeeded. I'm not sure who he is without her."
"I'm not sure he knows," Nate added. "Do you think they'll actually get married?"
"There are about five hundred million reasons for her to say I do," Jeff said, his voice dripping with snark. "Half of which could be hers if he doesn't make her sign a pre-nup."
Ignoring Jeff's comment, Nate changed to topic. "Seth won't like it."
Stephen offered a wry smile and retorted, "He'll learn to live with his disappointment. I have."
Meanwhile, Fitz caught up to Olivia before she could dart into the women's restroom. "Liv, wait," he called.
Olivia stopped walking, but didn't turn around while she waited for Fitz to catch up to her. He approached her cautiously, taking her arm and turning her so she was facing him. "I've upset you again," he said, stating the obvious. "Given all that you've been through last night and this morning, I should have been more thoughtful."
"I'm sorry." She sniffed and wiped away a fresh round of tears.
"Why are you apologizing?" he asked, looking perplexed.
"With everything that's happened I'm an emotional live wire. I didn't mean to ruin your lunch. I know this meeting is this reason why we're here."
"Oh, Livvie," he exclaimed, pulling her into his arms and hugging her. "You're not ruining anything. This is not my lunch; it's Stephen's. That's his team; not mine. You are my team. I feel like this whole weekend has been a pressure cooker so Stephen and Jean can see who we are. Well...this is who I am. I'm the guy that interrupts a business meeting to take care of his family." Olivia's brown eyes looked up at him wide with shock. He smiled and kissed her on her forehead. "You're my family, Liv. That doesn't have anything to do with what you decide. This is not about relationships or sex." Olivia giggled softly. "You are important to me. As important as Harrison or J.C. or anyone else I consider family."
She buried her face in his chest and hugged him tightly. Closing her eyes, she drank in his presence, letting his scent and the warmth of his body soothe her. He hugged her back, just as tight, resting his cheek against the top of her head, and held her like that for a moment. When he felt her body relax in his arms, he kissed the top of her head and released her. "Do you want to leave?"
"What? No! We're going back in there and finish this lunch. I don't know what Stephen has planned for you, but, until we know, I don't think we should risk offending him. There are only so many excuses we can make for disappearing in the middle of an event. I just need to run to the bathroom and freshen up my make-up. I'm sure I look like a raccoon."
"You look beautiful. Your make-up is perfect, not a smudge on your face or my shirt." Olivia's eyes darted to his crisp white shirt, exhaling a relieved breath when all she found were a few wrinkles. "I told you, not a single smudge," he said, smiling brightly. "The same is true for your face, but I'll wait right here for you to check."
He leaned against the wall, waiting for Olivia to finish in the bathroom. His mind drifted back to the lunch guests. They were Stephen's most trusted advisors and an interesting mix of people. Stephen and Jeff were the closest in age and rose through the ranks together with his father and Cyrus. They were frequent guests of his parents in Miami and he knew them well. He was aware of Nate by reputation, but had never met him. Before Nate was COO of Merkle Industries, he was a hot-shot project manager from an internationally known firm and also had experience as both a consultant and developer. Jackson was the youngest of the male advisors and Fitz knew that his role was a relatively new addition to the team. Grant Enterprises didn't have a CIO, but, given the role of technology in every industry, it was a position that Fitz was considering adding to his team if he was named CEO. The most intriguing member of the team was Alex. She was substantially younger than the others were, but Fitz had no doubt she had earned her seat at the table. She seemed particularly attuned to Olivia. He had witnessed their shared moment of annoyance when Stephen introduced Olivia as his fiancée, as if that defined who she was.
He was still thinking about the team when Olivia rejoined him. "What do you think of Alex?"
Olivia's brows furrowed in confusion. "Why do you ask?"
"She reminds me of you."
"Why?" she asks suspiciously. "Because we're both young, black, and female?"
"No!" he exclaimed. "Well...yes," he admitted sheepishly, "but that's not the only reason. She is Stephen's CLO, one of his closest advisors. If I'm named CEO, I want you to be one of my advisors. You're more than just my assistant; I want your official position to reflect that."
"I'm completely unqualified to be your CLO because one - I haven't taken the Bar and two - I have zero legal experience. I'm flattered, truly, but let's just slow down and focus on getting through the rest of the day. You want me in your life, personally and professionally. I want that too, but we can't get too far ahead of ourselves. Today, I'm your emotionally unstable fiancée," she said with a light laugh. "Now, let's get back in there so you can continue impressing Stephen and his C-suite."
He wrapped his arm around her waist, pulling her tightly to him. He buried his face in her hair, breathing in her scent, and kissed the top of her head. "I've missed you," he said, his voice a breathy sigh. He knew as he said the words that he was in trouble. He was falling for her too quickly, but he couldn't bring himself to care. If he was going to lose her, it wasn't going to be for lack of trying. He didn't want there to be any doubt about what she was walking away from if, and when, she left him.
Olivia lingered in his arms, allowing them to just be. When their moment was over, she turned to look up into his face. "I've missed you too." If only he knew how difficult it was for her to say no to something she wanted with more urgency with each passing minute. This, the space and uncertainty currently between them, was not how she'd envisioned their trip ending. She wanted him. She just wasn't willing to throw away more than ten years of marriage to have him, not if it was only going to be for a fleeting moment. "We will figure this out," she said, stretching up to kiss him softly on the lips. Pushing away the thoughts of things she wanted and couldn't have, she focused on the reason why they were in the Hamptons in the first place. "We should get back in there."
"Ready?"
"Ready," she confirmed, grasping his hand and allowing him to lead the way.
A/N: I want to wish those of you who celebrate it a very Happy Thanksgiving. I hope you and your loved ones are able to spend some quality time together eating, drinking, and being merry. Next up, they return to Miami and to the adventures that await them there. As always, I'm eager to read your comments about your reaction to the chapter as well as your likes and dislikes.