A/N: How is everyone surviving in a Scandal-less world? Did you watch the finale? Were you satisfied? Did you get the closure you were seeking? I was left feeling a little meh after the episode. I wanted so much more for Olivia and was saddened that we didn't get to see her obtain that more. The second season of Scandal will always be one of the finest seasons of any show on network television and I will miss spending my Thursday nights with Olivia Pope and her incredibly dysfunctional family.
Quick comment about the last chapter, if you're interested. If not, just skip on down to the new stuff. The scene with Fitz and his mother was the third thing I wrote and so much of what happened in between was written with the goal of getting to that moment. I loved the idea of that scene and of his mother being the one to hold up the mirror and make him admit his feelings for Olivia. I knew he was going to have the conversation before I wrote any of their trip to the Hamptons and one of the reasons they didn't have sex then was because I wanted Olivia to be able to look his mother in the eyes and not be an adulterer when they first met. Anyway, I hope it was as fun for you to read as it was for me to write. Now…on to the reason why you clicked on the link. I hope you enjoy!
Fitz walked briskly in the direction of the car, dragging Olivia in his wake. "Fitz, slow down," she pleaded. "I'm five foot four inches tall and I'm wearing five inch stilettos. I can't keep up," she complained. Fitz ignored her pleas, practically dragging her to the passenger side of the car. "What's the ru-
She was silenced when Fitz grabbed her face and crashed his lips onto hers. He wrapped his strong arms around her tiny waist and leaned his full weight on her, trapping her between the car and his hard body. She couldn't breathe, couldn't think, and couldn't move. She had no idea what was happening, but knew she didn't want it to end.
Olivia whimpered beneath Fitz and he exploded, claiming her mouth and skillfully ravaging it. She slipped her tongue between his lips and he sucked on it gently. She tasted like the wine she drank with dinner and something else, something sweet, something distinctly her. His tongue tangled with hers in an erotic dance, both of them giving and taking as desire consumed them. She'd never been kissed like this. Never felt such hunger, such passion, with any of her previous lovers.
His hands ran down her sides, pausing to cup her breasts, squeezing them roughly over the lace material of her dress. She moaned seductively as she slid her high heeled foot along the back of his leg, pulling him closer, pressing his erection into her wanting body. Without breaking their kiss, he positioned himself between her legs, spreading them as wide as her dress would allow. Slowly, he slid his hand along the smooth skin of her inner thigh, making her body tingle, as he inched his way to her core.
"Fitz, please," she begged.
"What do you want, Livvie?"
She struggled to form a coherent thought. "Not...want...need," she panted.
He smiled against her lips. "What do you need?"
"You." His fingers swiftly moved to her core, stroking her lightly through the damp silk material.
She grabbed his arm, stilling his movements. "No, you," she said, massaging his erection through his clothes.
Fitz released a frustrated moan. "That's not on the menu tonight, beautiful." Her eyes snapped open and she looked at him with disbelief. He ground himself into her hand, forcing her to feel his dick twitching with need. The warmth and pressure of her touch felt so good and yet it wasn't nearly enough. He wanted more, but he didn't think she was ready. "Only when you're sure. Are you sure?" Olivia hesitated for the briefest of moments. "That's what I thought," he whispered against her lips, gently slipping his fingers between her hot, slick folds.
The air rushed out of her lungs as he sucked tenderly at her pulse point and started stroking his fingers into her. She clamped both hands on his shoulders, anchoring her to him as her body went limp in his arms. He fucked her slowly with his fingers, caressing her G-spot, while his thumb gently massaged her clitoris.
Fitz sealed his lips to hers, swallowing her moans, as she clung to him, her legs threatening to give way, as the pressure from her impending climax built within her. "I've got you," he murmured in her ear. "You can let go. I'll catch you." Her back arched and she ground herself into his hand. As her walls gripped and pulled at him, he separated his fingers, stretching her, filling her completely before flicking his thumb over her sensitive nub. The sensation was so intense, Olivia threw her head back, stifling a scream, as an intense orgasm ripped through her.
Fitz held her tightly, her body still quivering with the aftereffects of her orgasm. He kissed her neck, her chin, her nose, and finally her lips, his lips leaving a trail of warmth against her skin. "You are so fucking beautiful when you come," he said, making a show of licking her essence from his fingers. She looked at him through hooded eyes, her body temporarily sated, but already craving more. "Why are you so good at that?" Fitz parted his lips to answer, but she placed two fingers across his lips, silencing him. "Never mind, I don't want to know."
Fitz smiled warmly at her, a bashful blush creeping into his cheeks. "I should get you home."
Olivia didn't bother to hide her pout. The last place she wanted to go was home to her husband. "I'll drive," she huffed. Fitz started to protest, but Olivia cut him off. "It's my house, I'm the one that knows where it is."
Fitz chuckled lowly. "I'm not sure you can stand if I let you go," he said pulling her into his arms and opening the passenger door. "Watch your head," he instructed lowering her into the seat. He flashed her an arrogant grin as he watched her limp body melt into the soft leather seat, her drowsy eyes threatening to close.
By the time Fitz rounded the car and slipped into the driver's seat, Olivia's eyes were closed and she was drifting off to sleep. He paused a moment and smiled at the peaceful expression on her slumbering face. It was an emotional day for her and it seemed fitting that it ended with her coming undone in his arms. As he watched the gentle rise and fall of her chest, he couldn't help but reflect on his mother's words. Had he already fallen in love with Olivia?
After losing Elizabeth, he'd been certain he would never love like that again, but now he wasn't sure. Olivia exuded a warmth that drew him to her like a siren's call. Never before had he allowed himself to bask in the presence of a woman the way he did with her. Just thinking about her made him smile and her absence left a void that he couldn't fill with alcohol and empty sex. When they were together, he was hopeful about his future, about their future together.
"Wake up sleeping beauty," he cooed, nudging her softly.
"Leave me alone," she whined, pushing him away. "This is all your fault. You and those magic fingers of yours."
He laughed softly. "I think the wine helped."
"It's not funny, mister. All I want to do is curl up in a ball and go to sleep."
"Is that all you want?" he asked in a seductive baritone.
Olivia's eyes snapped open and locked on Fitz, causing him to laugh. "It's not nice to tease."
"Keep those eyes open, beautiful, and help me navigate."
Olivia crossed her arms, pretending to sulk. She stabbed her finger at the volume button on her console, turning on the radio. Much to her horror, Ty Dolla $ign's Love U Better blasted through her car's speakers.
"Nice song," Fitz teased with a smirk. "You should listen to the lyrics."
Olivia immediately changed the station, opting for a nineties and aughts hip hop station. This time, Left Eye's verse of TLC's No Scrubs was playing. Fitz started laughing and Olivia cut her eyes at him. "What?" he asked, still laughing. "She's not rapping about me. Does the song remind you of someone else you know?
"Shut up," Olivia snapped. She changed the station again, selecting an eighties pop station. Everyone loves the eighties; big hair, acid washed jeans, and MTV. It didn't matter that Olivia couldn't remember any of it. It was her favorite musical decade by far. Which is why she was beside herself when Prince's voice sang out, "Do you want him? Or do you want me? Cause I want you."
Olivia slammed her palm into the volume dial, silencing the radio. Fitz erupted into a laughing fit. When he could speak he said. "The Beautiful Ones; how appropriate. I think your radio is trying to tell you something." Olivia glared at him. "What? I wasn't the one playing DJ."
"Are you always this insufferable?"
"The universe is sending you a message and you're blaming me?"
"I'm not blaming you. I just wish you weren't enjoying this quite so much."
"Can you honestly tell me that, if our situations were reversed, and you were confident that you were the better woman in every facet of who you were and what you were able to offer a partner, you wouldn't be enjoying this moment? This, the decision you're trying to make, is not a competition because that would mean he has a chance of winning and he doesn't." Olivia was stunned by Fitz's frank words. He sounded more like the arrogant, asshole everyone thought he was than the man she'd come to know. "I can hear the names you are calling me," he said laughing. "I didn't mean it the way you took it. Well...I kind of did, but I wasn't trying to disrespect you or your marriage. I know the odds are on his side, but I also know you won't make that decision because you found me lacking. Simply put, I am the better man for you and I know you know that."
"I- I- I don't know what to say."
"You don't need to say anything." Changing the subject to a safer topic, he asked, "Have you decided what you want?"
"I thought you said I didn't need to say anything."
"Earlier, you said I owe you for enduring dinner with my parents. I'm asking if you decided how you want to collect."
"Fitz," she sighed, uncertain how to proceed. "Things are starting to feel a little one-sided."
"I know. I can't keep imposing on you to do things you don't want to do. It's selfish and unbecoming of the man I just proclaimed myself to be. Thank you for coming to dinner tonight and for agreeing to go to New York."
Olivia shook her head. "What did your father do to you that makes you so willing to believe you are always at fault? You're not at fault. You're the giver."
"The giver?"
"Yes, the giver. You are the giver of gifts, clothes, shoes, jewelry, scholarships, amazing surprises, and breathtaking orgasms," she said with a wide grin. "You, Fitzgerald Grant, are the giver. You don't owe me anything."
"Just breathtaking?" Fitz asked, lifting a wry brow.
"I haven't seen your full arsenal. I'm reserving final judgment."
"Being the selfless giver I am, I'd be happy to show you just how generous I can be. Want to take a detour to my condo?" he asked, brushing his hand along her exposed thigh.
"I can't," she said quietly.
"Where does he think you are?"
"With you." Fitz's eyes and mouth stretched wide in surprise. Olivia laughed aloud. "The look on your face right now is priceless. The CEO of the company I work for ordered me to come to dinner at his house with the COO, who just happens to be my boss and his son. Why lie?"
"What did he say?"
"Honestly, he was kind of giddy. I think he was hoping your father would fire us both."
"He will be disappointed to learn that my father is actually encouraging us to continue this charade."
"Yeah," she said, pausing for about five seconds before continuing. "I haven't figured out how to tell him about that."
"The trip is not for six weeks. It could be a very different conversation by then."
"Fitz..."
"Don't do that. Don't ask me not to hope, not when hope is all I have." Steering with his left hand, he dropped his right hand into her lap. She snaked her hand into his, intertwining their fingers. She lifted his hand to her lips and kissed his knuckles, before caressing her cheek with the back of his hand.
"I'm not asking you not to hope. I...," she said, her soft voice trailing off without completing the sentence.
"Liv," he said, gently prodding her.
She inhaled deeply, held it for a moment, and slowly released, tears pricking her eyes. "I don't want you to get hurt."
"Then don't hurt me." He looked at her and saw the fear welling up inside her. What could be so frightening? Was she that afraid of making a decision? She had to know choosing Jake wouldn't change things between them. Sure, it would be hard to be relegated back to the friend zone, but he would survive as long as he got to keep her in his life. "I'm a big boy. I can handle rejection. All I ask is that you be honest with me, honest about what you're feeling and what you want."
"When is the last time someone rejected you?"
Fitz shrugged. "You reject me all the time."
"I do not," she said, her voice dripping with incredulity.
"You rejected me this morning. I tried to hold and you pushed me away."
"That's different, I was upset. I came back to you. I always come back to you."
"That's why there's hope," he said, beaming brightly and squeezing her hand tightly.
Olivia smiled softly at him and turned to look out the window. A comfortable silence fell between the two of them as they took a moment to just be present with each other. Olivia wondered if things would always be this easy between them. It was as if he understood her needs without her having to explain and gave her exactly that, nothing more or less. He could see her pain and her fears and her struggle to keep them at bay. Instead of trying to be her dragon slayer, he was content to be her squire, learning from her how best to be there for her. Even when she pushed him away, he just kept showing up for her, waiting for her to acknowledge what he already knew. Winnie had likened her to a bird. If that were so, could he be the tree where she finally built her nest? Could he be the place she finally called home?
Olivia's thoughts were disrupted when she felt Fitz's hand creeping under the hem of her dress along her thigh headed for her core. She called his name in gentle warning. He stilled his movements, but made no attempt to remove his hand. "Don't start what you won't finish," she cautioned.
His thumb drew small circles on her soft skin. "I don't think you know how badly I want you. How it takes every ounce of willpower I have not to take you when you look at me with those beautiful brown eyes darkened with need, your lips parted and inviting. Just thinking about how fucking sexy you are in that moment makes me hard."
He took her hand and rubbed it against the very large, very hard bulge constrained in his pants. She wrapped her small hand around him, squeezing him carefully. His lips drew back, his eyes threatening to close, moaning softly at how glorious the contact felt. Reluctantly he removed her hand. "It's probably not a good idea to do that while I'm driving," he said with a chuckle.
Fitz continued, "When you're ready, I'm going to take you places you've never been, make your every fantasy come true. You've never had a dirty, kinky thought that I can't do, won't do, if it ends with you screaming out my name as you come. I'm going to wring orgasm after orgasm from you with my tongue, fingers, dick, and anything else that pleases you. I'm going to bend you to my will and I won't stop until your body gives out and you can't take any more." Olivia gave a small gasp as his words triggered something deep inside her and desire coiled from her belly. Fitz laughed wickedly. "Still want to go home?"
Olivia groaned. Suddenly telling Jake the truth about her whereabouts tonight didn't seem like such a good idea. If she didn't go home now, she might as well stitch a scarlet letter on her chest. She had no doubt Fitz would deliver on every one of his promises, but what would happen in the morning when the haze of lust lifted? Would he still want her when the challenge was over and she lost a little of her luster or would he be cold and distant, pushing her away like those that came before her?
"I never wanted to go home. I have to go home. There's a difference."
"You don't have to do-
"Nothing but stay black and die," she interrupted with a chuckle.
"Huh?"
"It's from a movie."
"I know. Morgan Freeman said it in Lean on Me. I just didn't expect you to say it."
"Why? Do you not see a black woman when you look at me?"
"I see a lot of things when I look at you, but, yes, a black woman is one of those things." They both laughed. Fitz sighed. "This is nice, us together like this. When can I see you again?"
"Tomorrow, at work."
"Seeing you every day at work is not enough. It's better than not seeing you at all, but it's not hardly enough for me and I don't think it is for you either. I want to spend time with you away from the office."
Olivia paused, considering Fitz's request. He was right, only seeing him at work wasn't enough for her, but she worried things would move too fast if they started spending time together away from the office. Also, there was the added complication of her marriage. What would happen if someone who knew her and Jake as a couple saw her out with Fitz? Her decision would be made for her and that's not what she wanted. "Are you still friends with the DJ at Utopia?" Utopia was the hottest nightclub in the city with some of Miami's most beautiful people lining up for blocks and waiting for hours only to be turned away at the door. No one knew the secret to making it behind the club's trademark purple doors, but one thing was certain, the only guaranteed way into the club was to be on "The List".
"Huck? Yeah, why?"
"I was wondering if you could get me and two of my friends on 'The List' for Friday night. I just need you to get us in. I don't want you to buy me an outfit or shoes or pick up my bar tab. I just want to get in."
"What do your friends look like? The club has a reputation to uphold?"
"Fitz," she cried out, swatting at him playfully.
"I'm just kidding -
"No you weren't."
"It doesn't matter. If they're standing next to you, I doubt anyone will notice them anyway."
"Oh, they'll notice," she said with a smirk. "The three of us make quite a trio. We're all very different physically, but together we make quite the impression."
"Now I'm intrigued. Are they married?"
"Would it make a difference to you if they were?"
"No-
"That's what I thought," she said, her disappointment evident in her tone.
"You didn't let me finish," he countered. "It doesn't matter to me if they are married or single because I'm not interested in sharing you with anyone."
"Sharing me?" Olivia asked, completely confused.
"The only way your friends end up in my bed is if you invite them there and I'm not interested in sharing you with anyone else, not even your two hot friends."
"Are you scared you can't handle the three of us together?"
"What I can't handle is the sight of you coming undone on someone else's face. When you're with me, that pretty little pussy of yours is all mine."
Olivia threw her head back in laughter. "You are ridiculous."
"And you love it," he said, joining her in laughter. Olivia looked at him, her eyes shining in the low light. Could this be love? How could it be? She barely knew him and what she did know was enough to scare any reasonable woman away. However, she wasn't running or, at least when she did, she always found her way back to him. She was loathe to admit it, but Fitz was right, this wasn't a competition. He'd won the minute she agreed to join him in New York. She'd just been too scared to acknowledge it. His words from earlier played in a loop in his head. You can let go. I will catch you. If she let go of her life with Jake would he catch her? As impossible as it seemed, Fitz had proven to be everything he said he was and he had given her no reason to doubt he could continue to do so if she chose him. Now, the only question was what to do about Jake.
"Everything ok?"
"Yeah, just thinking."
"About what?"
"You. Us. What it is that we're doing."
"What is it that you think we're doing?"
"I'm not sure, but this is starting to feel like a relationship. We've been out on a couple of dates. We have obvious feelings for each other. I've met your parents. You've meet Winnie. We've been intimate."
Fitz didn't bat an eye. "I think that's a fair assessment."
"How can you be so calm right now?"
"Why would I be anything else? What were you expecting? Anxiety? Teeth gnashing? Rejection? Something else? It feels like we're in a relationship because we are. It's not a traditional relationship, you're married and I have a troubling history with women, but that doesn't make what you're feeling any less true. I want to be in a long term, committed, monogamous relationship with you. Therefore, when I'm with you, my priority is showing you the full Fitzgerald Grant experience. What's growing between us is real and it's intentional, at least it is on my part."
Olivia was literally speechless. She sat there, staring at Fitz, her mouth gaping open like a fish gasping for air. "Come on, spit it out, beautiful. Tell me all of the flaws in my thinking and all the reasons we can't be together."
Fitz's words gave Olivia pause. Why couldn't they be together? She liked the person she was when she was with him. She wanted to be with him and found it exhausting to pretend she didn't. Her desires were so strong when she was around him that the only way for her not to act on those feelings was to avoid him. But, having to do that was torture because wherever he was, was where she wanted to be. For years, she'd longed for a man who was sure of himself and not afraid to share his hopes, dreams, fears, and vulnerabilities. She wanted a man who would be her partner and her best friend. Now, one had come into her life and she was pushing him away. What sense did that make?
Suddenly and unexpectedly, Olivia's face lit up in a smile, her eyes full of tears, but sparkling with joy. "I got nothing."
He wanted to reach over and pull her into his lap. To kiss her until she forgot everything except for him and how perfect it felt when they were together. To make love to her until she agreed to stay with him forever. Damn it! Why had he insisted on driving tonight? She could be in his arms right now. Instead, he had to settle for caressing her check tenderly. His heart raced, and butterflies swarmed in his stomach as he focused his attention on her. "What does that mean?"
She pressed her cheek into the curve of his palm, still smiling. "It means I choose you. I want to figure this out with you. I'm ready to be with you, but," she said, pausing to brace herself for his reaction. "I have to go home tonight." Fitz's demeanor changed as quickly as a lightning strike. He dropped his hand from her face and withdrew from her. Olivia reached out for him, intertwining their fingers, and bringing his hand back into her lap. "He's my husband. I can't not come home. I can't just walk away from our life with no explanation. He deserves better than that. He deserves the truth. Plus, if I'm going to leave him, I need a plan. I will need to find somewhere to live." Fitz went to speak, but she quickly silenced him. "I'm not moving out of my house and into yours. I also will need to find a job. I can't be with you and work for you."
"You can work at the Foundation with my mother."
"That's a kind offer, but I don't think you understand. If this is going to work, I need a period of independence from him and from you."
"I thought you said you wanted to be with me."
"I do, but I have to be with me first. I'm not talking about forever. I just need a couple of weeks to work through everything before I tell him. Will you wait for me?" she asked, her voice barely a whisper.
"You know I will," he said sadly.
"Hey," she said, turning so he could see her in his peripheral vision. Fitz didn't respond, offering only a sad smile. "I'm not telling that classic married asshole lie. I'm not trying to stay with him and have you too. I need you to trust me. This won't work if you don't trust me."
"I trust you. It's your husband I don't trust. You're essentially giving him time to change your mind. Time to convince you that your commitment to him should outweigh your feelings for me. You're doing all this planning while staying with him and asking me to sit patiently on the sidelines. I don't know if I can do this."
"Will you try? For me? It's better for everyone if this process is as amicable as possible."
"I'll try," he replied with a pout.
Olivia couldn't suppress her laughter as she watched the grown and sexy man she'd fallen for turn into a two year old little boy. She unbuckled her seatbelt and leaned across the console, kissing him on the cheek. "Thank you."
Before either of them were ready for the evening to be over, they arrived at Olivia's house. Fitz drove into the garage and quickly got out of the car. In a small act of protest, she stayed in the car until he walked around to the passenger side, opened her door, and helped her out.
Olivia walked to the edge of the garage, actively trying to avoid the conflicting feelings swirling around inside her. She didn't want to leave Fitz, but knew it was the best choice for all of them. She didn't have the stomach for an ugly, messy divorce and that's exactly what would happen if she flaunted her relationship with Fitz in Jake's face. Jake hated Fitz. This would be hard enough for him to accept. There was no reason to upset him any more than necessary.
She looked out toward the street and smiled when Brian got out of Fitz's Range Rover, opening the rear passenger door for his boss. "Hi, Brian," she greeted him, waving eagerly.
"Hi, Olivia," he replied with a huge smile.
"How did you get him to call you Olivia?" Fitz asked, walking up behind her and wrapping his arms around her waist, nuzzling his face between her neck and shoulder.
"Jake is in the house," she hissed, pushing away from him.
"And we are in the garage. He's not coming out here."
"You have to go."
"Kiss me and I'll leave."
"I can't," she said firmly. Looking at him with pleading eyes, she added, "Please, don't make this any harder than it already is."
"Is this hard for you because it's killing me?"
"Nothing about this is easy for me. Do you think I want to go in there and pretend with him? The easy thing would be to slip into the backseat of your Range Rover and let you convince me we're living in some fantasy world where neither of us has any responsibilities. We have to be smart about this and the smart thing is for you to go home without me. I'll see you in the morning, I promise."
"You're not the one going home to an empty bed," he whined.
"You think it's harder to sleep alone than to sleep in the arms of a man you don't want to touch you." His blood boiled at the thought of Jake touching her, coaxing pleasure out of her. She wasn't his; not anymore. He had no right to see her like that, all vulnerable and needy, that part of her belonged to him and only him now. "Don't do that," she implored him. "Don't let your imagination get the best of you. Once you have that image in your head there will be nothing I can do to remove it."
"Are you sure want me to go, to leave you alone with him?"
"I need you to go. I'll be fine here. There's no reason to be concerned."
Before she could process what was happening, he closed the gap between them, leaned down and kissed her. His lips moved against hers as she was caught between pushing him away and pulling him closer. Eventually she relented, wrapping her arms around his neck, pulling him close and allowing him access to her mouth. He nipped at her lower lip, dipping his tongue inside her mouth for a gentle and languid kiss that left her weak in the knees. When he was certain he'd lose control if he didn't stop, he pulled away from her, his forehead resting against hers, enjoying being close to her. He nuzzled his nose against hers and she could feel him smile against her mouth. It was the perfect ending to an imperfect night.
"You should go."
"I know," he said, making no effort to move.
"Fitz."
"I'm going," he said, reluctantly separating their bodies. "You're sure you'll be okay?"
"I'll be fine."
He pecked her one last time, before releasing her. "Goodnight, Livvie," he said, walking away from her. As the distance grew between them, he got a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach and thoughts of doubt rapidly started to surface. She was underestimating her husband. He wasn't just going to let her walk away. Olivia was an amazing woman, the kind of woman a man finds once in a lifetime, if he's lucky. Jake would fight like hell to keep her. He knew he would if he thought he was losing her.
"Goodnight, Fitz," she said turning away from him and walking toward the door.
Olivia entered her house and found the lower level dark and quiet. That meant Jake was waiting for her in their bedroom. She sighed loudly. The last thing she wanted was to deal with her drunk, horny husband pawing at her. Please let him be asleep. She ascended the stairs and approached the bedroom door. Through the cracked door she could see that the light was on and she could hear voices from the television. Jake was definitely awake. She took a moment to steel herself before pushing the door open.
"Hey, babe," she said cheerily, crossing the room to his side of the bed. She pressed her lips chastely against his and moved away quickly, not giving him a chance to deepen the kiss.
"You look amazing! If I gave you my credit card and told you to buy whatever you wanted would you dress this way for me?"
Olivia walked through the master bathroom, heading into the closet to change into her pajamas. "It doesn't work that way," she shouted out to him. "Plus, I thought you didn't like this version of me."
"Have you looked in a mirror today?" he called after her. "I don't think there's a man alive who wouldn't like this version of you. I can't believe I'm the lucky bastard that gets to come home to you every night.
Jake's words caused Olivia to pause and look at her reflection in the mirror. She stepped out of her dress and allowed her eyes to roam over her body clothed in only a black lace bra, a barely there thong, and heels. Stacey had presented undergarment options ranging from nun to vixen. She had dressed for Fitz, but when the moment came she hadn't been able to reveal herself to him. Standing there, looking in the mirror, she saw herself through his eyes. An aching warmth spread between her legs. Never before had a man made her feel so desired with a simple glance. She slipped her hand into her panties and touched herself, surprised to find she was still wet. Was it residual from her orgasm earlier? Or perhaps from the way he talked to her in the car? Or maybe from the goodbye kiss he stole from her in the garage. Her fingers grazed her clitoris and she bit her lip to stifle a moan. Fitz wasn't even in the room and he had her on the verge of her second orgasm of the evening.
"Liv, is everything alright in there?"
Olivia felt as if she had been doused with a bucket of ice water. Her arousal dissipating as quickly as it emerged. "Yes, I just had a little trouble with the zipper. I'll be right out." She took one last look in the mirror and finished undressing. She quickly slipped into one of Jake's old t-shirts and a pair of boyshorts.
When she reentered the bathroom she was startled to find Jake sitting at her make-up vanity.
"I thought I heard male voices with you in the garage."
Olivia reached around him to grab her makeup wipes, the t-shirt she wore rising up and giving him a peek at her boyshorts. She felt Jake's hands slide along her thighs moving up to cup her ass. She moved his hands away from her butt and bent down to kiss him on top of his head, noting for the first time that his hair was starting to thin. His age was starting to show; the young, virile man she'd fallen in love with giving way to the middle aged man seated before her.
She wondered if he saw the same signs of aging when he looked at her. Had she gone soft in the places where she used to be firm? Did the parts that were once perky now sag? She was religious about her work out regime and self-care, but there was only so much one could do to slow down the hands of time. Is that why he hadn't looked at her the way Fitz now looked at her in years? Was she no longer as physically desirable as she been as a young woman?
Jake frowned at her subtle rejection. Olivia had never been a sex kitten, it had always taken some work to get her warmed up, but lately it seemed as if his advances were rebuffed as often as they were welcomed. His wife was changing before him, but she wasn't talking to him about what inspired the sudden shift. She was shutting him out and that made him suspicious about who she was letting in.
She turned her back to him and began removing her makeup. "That was Fitz and his driver," she said casually. "Fitz drove me home from his parents and Brian met him here to take him home."
"Are you drunk?" he asked, his tone belying the fact he knew the answer to his question without her answer.
"No," she replied, annoyed that he would question her professionalism. "It was a business dinner with my boss and his boss. I had two glasses of wine. Why do you ask?"
"I was just wondering why he would drive you home rather than let you drive yourself and have his driver meet him at his parents."
Olivia shrugged. "I don't know what to say. Maybe he wanted to make sure I got home safely."
"Why?"
"What do you mean why?" Olivia asked, growing tired of Jake's questions.
"He's kept you in the office this late before. He's never personally driven you home. He's never even offered you the services of his driver. I'm wondering what's different about tonight."
"I'm his assistant, not a mind reader. Who knows why Fitz does any of the things he does?"
"He's usually has a singular motivation. You understand why I'd be concerned that he's suddenly turned his attention to my wife."
"He hasn't turned his attention to your wife," she spat. "Why is it so hard for you to accept that people are complex beings and capable of being more than one thing? I am both your wife and his assistant. He is both a good boss to me and a womanizing asshole in his personal life. There is no overlap in those roles. There is no reason for you to feel threatened by him driving me home."
"I'm not threatened by him," he snarled.
"Then why are you grilling me about how I got home?"
"I'm not grilling you. I'm just worried that you're not paying attention."
"What exactly is it that you think I'm not paying attention to?"
"He's changing you. I don't know why you can't see that."
Jake was wrong. Fitz wasn't changing Olivia. He may have been the catalyst for her change, but he wasn't responsible for it. After nearly a decade of arrested development, she was finally starting to come into her own. She wanted to pursue her own dreams and pleasure instead of fulfilling someone else's.
She splashed water on her face to gather herself. When she opened her eyes she was struck by her husband's reflection in the mirror. He was sitting there in his white undershirt and boxers, his usual bedtime attire, but everything about him in that moment felt wrong to her. That's when she finally understood what was happening to her. She'd outgrown her husband. She wanted more, needed more than what he was currently offering. She still had a lot to learn about herself, but she knew Jake wasn't the man that could teach her, not anymore.
How was she supposed to explain to her husband that he wasn't enough for her? That the decisions she'd made so long ago were driven as much by her desperation not to be alone as they were by any sentiment she held for him. Looking at him now, she wondered if he'd ever been enough. If she'd ever loved him the way a wife was supposed to love her husband. Sure, she'd gone through the motions, checked every box that a loving and dutiful wife was supposed to, but had any of it been real. Had she ever really wanted him or did she crave the security being with him provided? And, if it was the latter, was she brave enough to give that up now?
Refocusing on the conversation at hand, she said, "The only thing he's changed is my wardrobe."
Defeated but undeterred, Jake pushed forward. "Speaking of wardrobe, do you think you can use your lunch hour one day this week to do a little shopping?"
"Why?" she asked, applying her face scrub. "Did I forget one of your sisters' birthday? Do you need me to pick up something?"
Jake chuckled softly. It was just like Olivia to immediately assume she'd dropped the ball and obsess about how to fix it. It was one of things he missed most about no longer working with her. She was amazingly organized and didn't shy away from being held accountable for her mistakes. "No, you're shopping for yourself. You need a new dress. I'm taking you out on Friday."
Olivia froze in the mirror. She flashed back to earlier this evening when she worked with Stacey to find the perfect "meet the parents" look. She smiled as she recalled how every item was selected as much for Fitz's reaction as it was for the actual event. The way his eyes darkened and his body responded as he drank her in after the big reveal made her feel like the sexiest woman on the planet. That experience was unique to Fitz and just thinking about doing that for Jake felt like a betrayal.
"I can't on Friday. I already have plans."
"What plans? Can't you cancel them?" he whined in protest.
She scooped water into her hands and rinsed her face. "I can't just cancel my plans. Abby, Quinn, and I are on the VIP list for Utopia," she said excitedly.
"You'd rather have girls' nights with your friends than date night with me? It's been weeks since we've had any quality time together. Can't you just change your reservation to another night?"
"Utopia is a club, not a restaurant. It's nearly impossible to get on their VIP list. They turn away celebrities, professional athletes, and famous for being famous heiresses. It's part of the club's mystique. Once you're on the list, you don't ask them to reschedule. If I don't show up on Friday, I'll miss my opportunity to get in. You know I love to dance. If I go with Abby and Quinn then you don't have to suffer through having to dance with me. Plus, I can't just bail on my friends. They're counting on me to make sure they don't go home with a serial killer," she said with a giggle. "Can't we reschedule? I'm all yours next Friday night."
"I'm out of town next week for the AIA conference in DC. Remember?"
"Shit! I forgot. How about Thursday or Saturday?"
Jake approached her from behind, placing his hands on either side of her, caging her in. He swept her hair to the side, bent his head to her exposed neck, and trailed soft kisses along the graceful column. "I miss you. It feels like we hardly see each other anymore. You're either working late or I am. Half of the time, you're already asleep when I get home."
Olivia made eye contact with him in the mirror. "If this is about sex, we just had sex, what, two or three nights ago."
"This isn't about sex." He dropped his voice an octave and whispered in her ear, "Unless you want it to be." He moved one of his hands to her hip, pulling her closer to him. "If that's the case, I could be persuaded to let you distract me with sex," he said before tugging gently at her earlobe with his teeth.
Giggling nervously, Olivia squirmed in his arms, reaching for her toothbrush as an excuse to escape his embrace. "I thought this wasn't about sex," she deflected.
"It's not, it's about us. Ever since you've been back, things have been different, strained, between us. I miss my wife and I want her back."
She didn't know how to respond to him. It felt wrong to reassure him that everything was okay when she knew it wasn't, but she also wasn't prepared to have this conversation with him tonight. "I think you're reading too much into things. We're both under a lot of pressure at work. We've been busier than usual. This will pass and things will settle down."
Jake moved away from Olivia when she started brushing her teeth, retaking his seat at the vanity. "I don't want us to become one of those couples that's so distracted chasing their individual professional achievement that they neglect each other. I want us to spend time together, quality time. I want us to prioritize each other and our family. I'm ready."
Olivia spit her toothpaste in the sink and turned to face Jake. "Ready for what?" she asked, genuinely curious.
"I'm ready to start a family. Let's make a baby."
Olivia was alarmed by his proposal. She begged him for years to start a family, but he'd never shown the slightest interest in having kids. Why the sudden change of heart? Did he suspect her commitment was wavering? Was a baby his magic solution? "What's changed? I've been ready for the past four years, but you always had a reason why it wasn't a good time. Why are you ready now?"
Jake looked at her, his brow furrowed in confusion, his posture slumped in disappointment. "I thought you would be happier."
"I'm not unhappy."
"You're not unhappy," he said, repeating her response in an angry, mocking tone.
"I'm surprised. I wasn't prepared to have this conversation tonight. You know how much I hate surprises."
"I didn't plan to tell you like this. I wanted to take you to dinner. I wanted to wine and dine you, to spend some quality time together so we could reconnect and recharge our relationship. I wanted to be the one to spoil you."
"Don't do that," she said, irritated that he would invoke Fitz at that moment.
"Do what?" he asked, feigning innocence.
"Don't invite him into this moment. My reaction has nothing to do with him," Olivia lied.
Her reaction had everything to do with Fitz. She couldn't have a baby with Jake, not when she was struggling with her feelings for another man. A baby wasn't the salve for the problems in her marriage and she was angry at Jake for proposing it. For years, she'd longed for this moment, but, instead of being overjoyed and falling into her bed with her husband deliriously happy and ready to make a baby, she felt trapped. He wasn't oblivious to what was going on with her, he just didn't give a damn. Instead of listening to her and trying to address her unhappiness, he decide to take a shortcut and knock her up instead.
"Isn't he already here? Didn't you bring him home with you? I'm not clueless. I could smell him all over you before you rushed in here to change. Your reaction has everything to do with him."
"What are you saying?"
"I'm not saying anything."
"Bullshit!" she spat. "Is there something you want to ask me?" she asked, sounding far more indignant than she actually felt. What was she going to say if he actually asked her about Fitz? They weren't sleeping together, but limiting her response to intercourse wasn't being honest, it was obfuscating the truth.
"I'm not going to subject myself to the indignity of standing here and asking my wife if she's fucking her boss."
"If you think I'm fucking him, why the hell would you suggest we have a baby?"
Jake took a deep breath, willing himself to calm down. No one won if this this conversation devolved into a screaming match. "I don't think you're sleeping with him, but I do think he's trying to get in your head. He's trying to tempt you with a lifestyle I could never match. He as much as admitted so the day the two of you left for New York."
Olivia's eyes widened a fraction as she considered his statement. If Jake was correct, Fitz went into the weekend planning to seduce her, making everything he'd told her then and now a lie. Could that be true? Had Fitz been manipulating her this whole time? If so, and if she was just another one of his conquests, why hadn't he taken advantage of her vulnerability when she had invited him into her bed naked and drunk with need?
Olivia thought back on the weekend and how everything between the two of them seemingly changed after she was attacked by Seth. She stifled a gasp as she entertained the idea that maybe Seth and Fitz had worked together to push her into Fitz's arms. Was he willing to go to such extremes to convince her to sleep with him? And, if so, why? What was so special about her? Had he been nursing some decade long grudge against her husband this whole time, patiently waiting for the perfect opportunity to use her to hurt him? She trusted him. Hell, she'd considered leaving her husband for him. How could she have been so wrong?
"I'm not tempted by his lifestyle," she rebutted honestly. She was attracted to Fitz, the man, but indifferent to the luxury and excess that came along with him. "Still want to have a baby?"
"Yes," he replied immediately.
Olivia quickly rinsed her mouth and pushed herself up on the bathroom counter so she was seated facing her husband. "Why now?"
Jake shrugged. "I realized I couldn't compete with him."
Olivia immediately recalled Fitz's words from earlier that evening. "I'm your wife. It's not a competition."
"I know. I also know that I can't give you the life he can. However, I can give you the life you want, the life you chose, and I know that life involves children. I had a lot of time to think when you left me to go with him." Olivia narrowed her eyes at him, but remained silent. "I'll admit I spent the first couple of days drinking and feeling sorry for myself. Then you went silent and I panicked. All I could think about was you letting him touch you, kiss you, and make love to you. I drove myself crazy with images of the two of you together playing in a continuous loop in my head."
"And this made you want to have a baby?" Olivia asked, suddenly overwhelmed with guilt. For most men, the thought of their wife with another man would leave them feeling angry or betrayed, but her husband wanted to double down on his commitment to her. While she was entertaining Fitz and allowing her feelings for him to take root and grow, he was making plans for their future.
Jake laughed. "Not exactly, but when I sobered up, I found myself in a very vulnerable place trying to figure out what I had done so wrong that would make you choose him over me."
Olivia sighed. "I didn't choose him over you."
"I know that now and in a funny way I'm glad you made the decision you did, the way you did."
"You are?"
"I am; because it left me in a place where I had no choice but to hear you. I finally understood how important having a family of your own is to you and how much you were willing to sacrifice to get me to a place where I could say yes."
"I was starting to think you decided you didn't want kids."
"Then why did you agree to that ridiculous deal with Fitz?"
"The opportunity was too good to refuse. I thought having the money would force you to declare your position. It would strip you of all of the excuses why we couldn't start a family and leave only the truth. I never intended to hurt you or for any of the rest of this to happen. I hoped that maybe it would lead us..." she said, her voice trailing off.
"Here," he said, his voice full of hope.
"Here," she said, masking her sadness, but unable to match his optimism.
Jake was offering her the life she always thought she wanted, a family of her own to love, nurture, and care for, somewhere she could belong. However, she wasn't the same person that asked him for that life and she wasn't sure wanted it, at least not with him. She wanted someone who was hopelessly in love with her. A man that inspired the kind of passion that heretofore she only believed existed in sappy romance novels and on Thursday night television. She wanted a life where she felt protected, cared for, and prioritized. She wanted a man who understood she deserved to have it all and helped her get exactly what she wanted. Someone that didn't chafe when she decided she wanted something new because he understood that as she grew and developed as a person their relationship would have to grow and change as well. Having a baby with Jake would fill her life with joy and love, but would it be enough to push away her other needs? And, if not, how could she turn him down after pleading with him for years to give her the very thing he was now offering?
"Why now? What was holding you back before?"
Jake shrugged. "I don't know. Nothing. Everything. I think I was scared."
"Scared of what?"
"Scared that we would be shitty parents because we had shitty role models."
Olivia couldn't hide the anger that boiled up inside her. "I didn't have shitty parents," she barked. "I had wonderful parents. They were loving, nurturing, and kind. They were firm yet supportive, giving me the space I needed to become my own person while ensuring I had a solid moral compass to guide me. The person I am today, the person you claim to love, is the person they raised me to be. The only thing my parents ever did wrong was die too soon and, even then, they did everything they could to ensure I had everything I needed to be successful in this world."
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to imply-
"You didn't imply, you outright accused, which is an insult to my parents and to yours. I've met your parents and, while I don't know why you're so angry with both of them, I do know they're not shitty parents. They loved you and provided for you as a child. Shitty parents abuse, neglect, and abandon their kids. That's not your story. From our limited interactions, it appears you turned your back on them, they still haven't given up on you."
"I'm sorry."
"Then stop apologizing and explain to me what you're really afraid of and why that's no longer an issue for you."
"I was selfish. I didn't want to share you. I know it sounds ridiculous when I say it out loud, but I didn't want our lives to stop being about us and suddenly be about this third person."
"What changed?"
"I realized I've been sharing you all along. You've been so distracted lately with work, making sure that Fitz looks good for the Merkles, his parents, and any other ridiculous thing he asks you to do."
"Are you jealous?"
"Should I be?"
"Keeping me away from Fitz is not a reason to have a baby. I'm not going to quit and be a stay at home mom. I plan to work after the baby is born. My career is as important to me as yours is to you."
"I'm not trying to keep you away from him and I don't expect you to be a stay at home mom. I just want you to be as fulfilled and satisfied at home as you are at work. I know your life won't be complete until you have a family of your own, a family with two point five kids. I want that for you, I want that for us. I realized that I wouldn't lose you to our children, but that our love for each other would grow as we expanded our family. I understood that we would become more, not less."
Olivia felt her resolve start to melt a little. Jake wasn't trying to trap her, he was trying to love her. He wanted to start a family with her, not just because she wanted it, but because he wanted it with her. Would the life he described really be that bad? Did she have any reason to believe she would happier with a different life? "You still haven't explained why now."
"I can't explain it. I was at the grocery store about a month ago and this beautiful little girl with big brown eyes and wild curly hair ran into me full speed. She was going so fast, I had to bend down and catch her to stop her from falling. I expected her to be scared, a strange man handling her the way I was, but she wasn't. Once she had her balance, she stuck out her little hand and introduced herself. She was so bold and so smart, she reminded me of a miniature version of you. That got me thinking about what our daughter would be like. Would she be fierce and fearless like her mother? Would she be creative and artistic like her father? It started as a small thing, but I couldn't shake it. The more I thought about it, the more curious I became. I started noticing children and their mothers everywhere and wondering if that could be you and our daughter someday."
Olivia understood the feeling he was describing. When she first decided she wanted children she felt the same way every time she encountered a precocious child. But, as Jake continued to resist the idea of starting a family, those feelings eventually soured. She would see a pregnant woman dressed in stylish maternity clothes and it would leave her feeling sad and envious. She would pass a young woman pushing a stroller when she was running in the park and she would be filled with bitter resentment.
"Liv," Jake said fidgeting nervously. "I've been thinking about it a lot lately and, if it's okay with you," he said, swallowing and taking a deep breath. "If it's okay with you, I'd like to name our daughter Maya, after your mom."
Tears began streaming down her cheeks and her small body shook with sobs. Jake approached her, nudging his way between her legs and wrapping his arms around her. "I love you," he said, kissing her softly and wiping away the moisture from her cheeks.
"I know," she replied quietly, burying her face in his chest.
Jake frowned. Olivia wasn't one to utter reflexive declarations of affection. She felt the sentiment was far too precious to be used so casually. It made the phrase all the more meaningful when she said it. However, in all the years they had been together, she had never, not once, not said it back in the big moments, until now. He pulled away from her so he could see her face. "I thought you would be happier."
"I am happy. It's just a lot to process. I want make sure we're doing this for the right reasons."
"We love each other. That's the only reason we need. We'll figure the rest out as we go. You know," he said, waggling his eyebrows suggestively, "when I ran this whole conversation in my mind, it ended with you jumping me."
Olivia threw her head back in laughter. Jake loved when she expressed herself like that. It was one of those laughs that made you want to join in, even if you were sure you were the one she was laughing at. All of her came alive when she did it and she was so raw and real in that moment, unconcerned with her vulnerability. To see her like that was to get a rare glimpse behind the mask she almost always wore. She was never more beautiful than she was in those moments and he felt himself slip a little deeper in love with her every time.
"So, you don't want to jump me then?" he asked, having fun with her.
"It wouldn't matter if I did," she said, still laughing. "I have an IUD. We can't make a baby tonight. "
Jake shrugged. "Take it out."
Olivia shook her head at him. "I can't just take it out. I have to schedule an appointment with my gynecologist to have it removed. Even after that, it will probably take us six months to get pregnant.
"Will you schedule the appointment?"
"Jake..."
"I know you're not fully convinced I'm all in, but I am and I'm going to prove it to you. All I'm asking is that you take the first step toward me. Will you schedule the appointment?"
Olivia paused, trying to think of some reason, any reason, to deny his request. It seemed like a small thing, agreeing to make the appointment, but to her it felt like a much bigger thing. It felt like agreeing to live the life he planned for her instead of the life she wanted for herself. She pressed her palms against her eyes and fought against the emotion welling inside her. She couldn't make this decision, not now, not like this. The risks were too high and the unknowns too many. She felt trapped. There was no way to stall without further raising his suspicion about her intentions regarding Fitz. She would have to agree and hope she wouldn't be able see her physician for a couple of weeks. She opened her eyes and plastered a fake smile on her face. "I'll make the appointment."
"You will?"
Olivia nodded her head. "I will."
He lowered his mouth to hers and kissed her, quickly deepening the kiss when she didn't resist him. "Can I take you to bed?"
"Yes," she said, giggling as he lifted her off the counter and into his arms. "But, I'm going to sleep."
"Liv," he whined, walking her into the bedroom. "Practice makes perfect."
She kissed him on the nose before resting her head on his shoulder. "I'm tired and I have a long day tomorrow. We have plenty of time to practice."
"I'll do all the work and I'll take care of you first."
She laughed softly as he gently laid her on the bed. "I would definitely fall asleep then. I'd be out before you had a chance to crawl on top of me."
He quickly crossed to his side of the bed and settled in beside her, snuggling in close and holding her tightly, pressing his erection against her butt.
"Go to sleep, Jake."
He kissed her on the back of her head. "Goodnight, Liv."
Olivia stared straight ahead and tried not to cry as all of the emotion from the day washed over her. How did all of the relationships in her life get so complicated so fast? What was she going to do? Was she going to leave and explore a possible relationship with Fitz or was she going to stay and have a baby with Jake? Her stomach twisted in knots as she eased away from Jake. No matter what she decided, she was going to hurt someone she cared for deeply. How was she supposed to do that?
Her screen on her phone lit up with a message notification. Knowing it was Fitz, she reached for her phone. Before she could grab it, Jake pulled her back to him. "You're tired remember. Whatever it is it can wait until morning," he said, holding her tightly. "We both have everything we need right here."
A/N: So, I have a question for you. I am new to fanfiction writing and I have no idea what happens to the fanfiction stories now that the series is over. Do you want me to bring this story to a conclusion quickly (a few more chapters) or do I let the story play out at its current pace? I'm here as long as you guys are interested in reading the story, but I don't want to continue the story if the fan base is moving on to the next great thing.
As always, I love to read your comments – positive, negative or otherwise. Until next time!