A/N: First, I want to thank all of you that took the time to PM me or to send me encouraging messages (even those that just said "Please update"). All is well with me and mine, I've just been incredibly busy with work and home and haven't had a lot of free time to write. This chapter turned out to be very long so I broke it up into two chapters to make it easier to read. Don't worry…you've waited long enough for my return. I'm not going to make you wait any longer for the second half of the chapter. I'm posting both of them at the same time. For those of you still with me, I hope you enjoy!
Fitz stepped out of the elevator and on to the sixteenth floor carrying two cups of scalding liquid, a black coffee for him and a chai latte for Olivia. He woke up early that morning, anxious to see Olivia. There was so much they needed to discuss, but mostly he just wanted to be with her again. He'd thought a lot about the moment when she finally made her decision, finally picked him, but last night had been nothing like he'd imagined. Instead of spending the night with her in his arms, he was forced to stand by and watch helplessly as she returned to her husband. He sent her a couple of text messages the night before, but she didn't respond to either. At first he was alarmed, but he talked himself off the ledge reasoning that she probably went to bed early to avoid an interaction with Jake.
Today, he had only one goal, to ensure Olivia knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that, if she permitted, he would love her with every fiber of his being. He understood he was facing an uphill climb, that there was a large gulf between where they were and where he wanted them to be. However, after weeks of waiting and getting nothing from her, she finally gave him an indication of which way she was leaning, and that was toward him. He knew she still had doubts and didn't fully trust him. He didn't blame her. She was still coming to terms with the weight of the baggage he brought into the relationship. If they were going to make it as a couple, he had to find a way to prepare her for and protect her from his past, but that was a problem for another day. His sole focus this morning was to assure her she made the right decision.
Fitz rounded the corner heading for Olivia's desk with a little extra swagger in his step, whistling along to a tune only he could hear. When he finally reached her desk, he froze in place, his face twisting into a scowl, when the person seated came into view. "Good morning Mr. Grant. You're in a good mood today," Charlotte said.
"Where's Olivia?" he snapped.
"Excuse me?" she asked, surprised by his brusque tone
"Olivia...Olivia Pope. You know, the woman that works at this desk," he said, pointing in her direction. "Where is she?"
Charlotte frowned in confusion. She'd heard rumors about him as a boss that he could be cold, aloof, and self-absorbed, but Olivia always seemed content, happy even, working for him. Did he really not know her last name? "Don't you mean Olivia Ballard?"
Fitz's jaw tensed with quick anger. "I know her fucking name," he snarled. "I want to know where she is."
"I imagine she's home in bed."
"Why would she be there?" Fitz asked, ignoring the images of Olivia and her husband, happy in bed together, that were invading his mind.
"Because she's sick," she said hesitantly. "She didn't contact you?"
Fitz brushed aside her question. "Did you talk to her or did she email you?"
"She emailed me this morning and asked me to cover your office for her. Do you think something is wrong? Do you want me to call and check on her?"
"No, don't bother. I'll do it myself. What does my schedule look like today?"
Charlotte reached out to hand him a red folder. Fitz awkwardly tried to grab the folder with a cup in each hand. She laughed and asked, "Do you want me to take one of those off your hands?"
"Only if you want a vanilla chai latte." Charlotte's face twisted in disgust, causing Fitz to laugh. "That's what I thought." He lifted his arm like a chicken wing. "Tuck it in here."
She placed the folder under his arm. "Olivia said everything you need this morning is in here. Your first meeting is in thirty minutes. You're scheduled until noon. You have a break until two o'clock and then are scheduled until six. She sent me a rather detailed email with everything I should need to get you through the day, but also told me I could text or call her if something unexpected came up. Do you need anything else before your first meeting?"
"Thanks, Charlotte. Let me review what's in the folder and I'll let you know if I need anything. Until then, please hold all of my calls. The only people that get through are Olivia and my mother, her name is Anne," Fitz said, walking in his office and kicking his door shut.
He walked to his desk, dropping one of the cups into the trash, cursing loudly when the hot liquid splashed on his pants. He dropped the folder on his desk, lowered himself in his chair, closed his eyes, and took a long sip from his cup, wishing it was Scotch instead of coffee. When he was ready to face the world again, he opened his eyes and checked his leg to see if he was burned. His skin was red and irritated, but he doubted serious damage was done. He removed his handkerchief from his pocket and blotted his pants. Satisfied he wouldn't have to change, he settled back in his chair and called Olivia. After four rings, he was forwarded to her voicemail. "Hey, Liv. I'm just calling to check on you. Charlotte said you were sick. Let me know if you need me to bring you anything. Rosie makes a wonderful chicken soup. I could swing by my parents and pick up some for you. Okay. Bye."
He placed his phone on his desk and woke up his computer, checking Outlook for an email from Olivia. He skimmed through his inbox, but, as he feared, didn't find anything. He picked his phone up and sent her a quick text message.
Fitz: Just checking on you. Charlotte said you were sick. Let me know if you need anything.
He returned to his email, quickly responding to messages from his father, Cyrus, Stephen, and the lead architects for the three projects in his contest. Content that all was well in his world, he picked up his phone and checked for a message from Olivia. Finding nothing, and needing a distraction from his worry, he called his mom.
"Hello."
"Hi, mom," Fitz said flatly.
"Hey," Anne replied cheerily. She paused for a moment and then asked, "What's wrong?"
Fitz exhaled deeply and then mustered a happier tone. "Everything is fine. Can't a son just call and check on his mom. I'm calling about dinner this week."
"I spoke with Olivia earlier. She made a reservation for us at Spiga on Thursday at seven. Do you need to reschedule already?" Anne paused trying to get a read on her son. "Where are you? Are you in the car?"
"I'm in the office and, no, I don't need to reschedule dinner. I just wanted to talk to you."
"You don't visit or call for weeks and now I've heard from you twice in two days. Something is wrong. Do you want to talk about it?"
Fitz ran a frustrated hand through his hair. "Olivia didn't come to work this morning. She sent one of the float pool assistants an email saying she was sick and asked her to fill in for her."
"You don't believe she's sick?"
"Did she sound sick when you talked to her?" When Anne didn't comment, Fitz assumed her silence was confirmation. "She was fine last night when I dropped her off at her house." Fitz paused, debating whether or not he should fill his mother in on the conversation they had in the car. Deciding against it, he continued. "She hasn't returned my call or my text message checking on her. It's not like her not to communicate with me."
"You brought your married girlfriend home to meet your parents last night. Maybe she just needs some space."
"Olivia is not my girlfriend."
"I can't help you if you won't be honest with me."
Fitz sighed deeply, resting his head on the back of his chair, steeling himself for his mother's reaction. "Last night, after we left your house, we were talking about our relationship and she said she wanted to be with me, that we were going to try to make this work."
"What does that mean? Is she going to leave her husband or are the two of you just going to continue this affair?"
"We're tempted by each other, but we haven't crossed the line," he said in a biting tone. Olivia had been agonizing for weeks over the decision whether or not to break her commitment. He refused to allow to his mother to portray her as wanting to have her cake and eat it too. He'd offered her that and she declined. "I care about her too much to jeopardize our future over something as insignificant as sex. We're not having an affair. That's not what either one of us wants,"
"So, you're going to wait until she's separated?"
Fitz chuckled. "I didn't say that. I'm going to wait until I'm sure she's ready. I refuse to put her in a position to do something she'll regret later. To answer your original question, yes, the plan is that she will leave her husband."
"When?"
"We haven't gotten that far. She's processing everything internally. I only get bits and pieces of what she is thinking or feeling. I want to support her through the transition, but she won't let me in."
Anne listened to her son and could hear the turmoil in his voice. It had been a long time since he'd been so out of sorts over a woman. It was clear that he wanted to do right by Olivia, but he was struggling with balancing his wants with her needs. "I can't imagine what she's going through. Your father and I have had our ups and downs, but I've never doubted my love for him or his love for me. It must be incredibly lonely to be in her position."
"Lonely?" he asked, perplexed by the idea that a woman with two men vying for her affection could be lonesome.
"Yes, lonely. She can't process what she's feeling about her marriage with you and she can't process her feelings about you with anyone she knows. She's surrounded by people that claim to love her, but she is all alone."
Fitz sat in silence as the enormity of his mother's words settled with him. He knew going into the weekend that she belonged to another, but, he couldn't help himself. After meeting the true Olivia, he felt compelled to pursue her. Without trying or knowing what was happening, by the end of their short time together, she'd left him irreversibly altered. Were his feelings for her causing her pain?
"Is that why she went MIA this morning?"
"Sometimes, if you're going to be alone, it's better to be by yourself. I think you should give her some space."
"What if that's the opposite of what she needs? Olivia is an orphan. She's spent the last twenty years doing everything she could not to be alone. It's why she got married at such a young age. Maybe she needs me to show up and keep showing up to prove to her that she's not alone; that I will never allow her to be alone."
"Fitz, listen to yourself," Anne implored.
"Mom," Fitz dismissed, "you know me. I'm not some obsessed stalker."
"Are you worried if you give her space she will change her mind?"
"I'm worried she's home alone and making decisions out of fear instead of love."
"It sounds to me like you've already made up your mind about what you should do."
"Do you think I'm making a mistake?"
"I think you need to listen to Olivia and give her what she's asking for and not what you want her to have."
"That's good advice," Fitz said with a chuckle, recalling that he'd said the same thing to Jake weeks ago. "Thanks, mom. I have to run to a meeting. Do you want me to have Brian pick you up tomorrow or do you want to meet at the restaurant?"
"I'll ride with you and Brian. See you tomorrow."
"Bye, mom." Fitz disconnected the call and placed his phone in his breast pocket, turning his attention to the red folder Charlotte gave him. At nine o'clock exactly, she buzzed him on the intercom to let him know his first appointment had arrived.
Four hours, one unanswered call, and two unreturned text messages later, Fitz was officially frustrated. He tried to focus on work, but the image of Olivia in bed with Jake alternating with the image of her battered and bruised had him completely distracted. He just wanted to know she was okay. He could accept that she didn't want to talk to him, but it would ruin him to learn that she needed him and he did nothing to help her. Deciding he was useless at work, he sent Brian a text message asking him to pick him up, but first he needed his driver to do something for him.
Fitz sat at his desk impatiently staring at his phone waiting for Brian's reply. He knew it was an odd request, but, with Olivia out, Brian was the only person he could trust with something like this. He snatched his phone off his desk when it dinged softly, alerting him to an incoming text message. He nervously read the new message.
Brian: He's there. I scheduled the meeting for 2:30. Will meet you out front in 15 minutes.
Fitz smiled as the first part of his plan fell into place. He rose quickly from his seat and crossed the room in several long strides. In one smooth motion, he opened the door and crossed the short distance to Olivia's desk. Without waiting for Charlotte to acknowledge his presence, he began speaking, "Something has come up. I need you to clear my schedule for the afternoon."
"Excuse me?" she asked, confused by Fitz's sudden appearance and the urgency in his tone. "Is everything okay? Is there something you need me to do?"
"I'm not sure, that's why I need to leave. Please call everyone on my schedule this afternoon, apologize for the late notice, and cancel the meetings. Let them know that Olivia will call them in the morning to reschedule."
"Of course. I'll get right on that. Is there anything else I can do? Do you need me to call your driver?"
"I already did. He's meeting me downstairs in five minutes. If something urgent comes up while I'm out, you can call or text me, but please make every effort to avoid that. If you have a question about what to do, you can call Lauren."
Fitz answered a few more questions for Charlotte before heading for the elevator. He exited the building just as Brian was pulling over to the curb. He waived Brian off before letting himself into the car. Brian looked at his in the rear view mirror. "Good afternoon Mr. Grant. Are you going to his office or their house?"
"I'm going to the house, thanks."
Fitz took out his cellphone and sent Olivia another text.
Fitz: Im coming over. Let me know if u don't want 2 c me. Ill take ur silence as an invitation.
He put his phone away, confident she wouldn't reply.
After the short ride from the office to Olivia's house, he quickly exited the car and walked up to the garage. He stretched up on his tiptoes to see through the garage door windows and confirmed the presence of Olivia's car and the absence of Jake's. She was home, alone. He approached the door and rang the doorbell. He waited thirty seconds and rang the doorbell again, this time knocking loudly on the door. He waited only ten seconds before repeating the process. Frustrated by Olivia's stubborn refusal to acknowledge him, he sent her another text message.
Fitz: Damn it Olivia. Open the fucking door. I know ur n there. Ur car is n the garage and Jake is at work.
Fitz waited for her reply and when it didn't come, he rang the doorbell again, this time banging loudly on her door. He knew he must have looked like a crazy person to her neighbors, but he didn't care. So much for not being an obsessed stalker. Something was wrong with Olivia and he needed to get to her.
Fitz: Olivia if u dont open the door in 60 seconds or tell me 2 fuck off, Im going 2 call the police and ask them 2 do a well person check. I'll have them kick in the door if that's what it takes.
He sat on the steps and waited for her to open the door. What could have possibly happened since he saw her last night that would make her avoid him? He knew leaving her alone with Jake was a bad idea. He should have taken her home with him or insisted that she get a hotel suite. Somehow the bastard got to her and convinced her that he was the bad guy. Fitz smiled to himself, Jake may have won round one, but he wasn't giving up that easily. Olivia had gone silent, but she hadn't told him to go away or asked him to leave her alone. His Livvie was still in there and he was going to fight for her.
He was startled when he heard the doorknob rattle. He looked up in time to see Olivia open the door and silently walk away without greeting him or inviting him in her house. He got up from the stairs and dusted his pants off before following her in the house, closing the door behind him. She'd opened the door; that was something. Now, all he had to do was convince her to talk to him.
"How do you know Jake is at work?" she asked without turning around.
"I had Brian call his office. He spoke with him directly and made an appointment with him an hour from now. He will be in the office for the next two, maybe three hours if the meeting goes well."
"That was stupid," she spat. "He'll be suspicious when no one shows up."
"When will you learn, Livvie-
"Don't call me that," she said, angrily cutting him off.
"I'm sorry," he apologized, looking genuinely contrite. "He won't be suspicious when no one shows up because the meeting is going to happen. A friend reached out to me earlier this week needing an architect. I was going to have Neil or Patrick handle the job, but I called him an hour ago and referred him to Jake. If the meeting goes well, Jake will be the lead architect on a couple million dollar project. All in all, not a bad day for him."
"Why would you do that?"
"I needed to talk to you and I didn't want to be interrupted. Jake's a decent enough architect. He can handle the project. The animosity between us is one-sided. I wish him no ill will other than the demise of his marriage. Even that is rooted in my growing affection for you rather than some contempt for him. Now, do you want to explain to me why you are home in your pajamas rather than in the office wearing couture?"
Olivia turned to face him and faked coughed twice. "I'm sick."
Fitz's heart broke as he took in her appearance. Her hair was mussed, sticking out in ways that would be comical if she didn't look so sad. Her eyes and nose were red, most likely from crying all night and most of the day. It was obvious that she was in pain and it crushed him to know that he'd contributed to her pain. "As your boss, I accept that excuse, but, as the other man in your life, I'm calling bullshit. I just saw you fifteen hours ago and you were fine. Better than fine, you were ready to leave your husband and start a new life, a life with me. Today you're breaking promising and ignoring calls and text messages. What happened? What did Jake do?"
Olivia's sad eyes filled with tears. "He wants to have a baby."
"That selfish son of a bitch," Fitz roared. "Of course he wants to have a baby now that he can feel you slipping away. How incredibly twisted to offer you the very thing he's been denying you, the one thing he knows you will keep you stuck pretending to be happy in this farce of a marriage. It's the one thing that would tie you to him for the rest of your life. I told you he would pull some shit like this." Fitz looked up and noticed Olivia had grown small while he ranted. "Liv," he called, taking two steps toward her.
"Don't," she said, holding her hand up in a stop gesture while retreating away from him.
Fitz looked at her, confused by her retreat. What happened to the woman he was with last night? What happened to the woman that chose him and asked him to trust her decision making? Olivia couldn't seriously be considering starting a family with Jake. "Please tell me you're not falling for this bullshit."
"You know I want a baby. It's what started all of this," she said, her voice breaking with emotion.
"That's why you've been avoiding me all day? You're not a fucking ostrich. You can't just bury your head in the sand and wait for someone to make a decision for you. That's not going to happen. I'm always going to choose you, to want you, and, judging by his ridiculous and insulting proposal, he does too. You are going to have to choose. You're going to have to decide what you want in your life and act on it."
Olivia laughed humorlessly. "What?" he asked.
"He described your proposal to join you in the Hamptons the same way," she said, her tone growing hostile.
"Of course he did because he's a narcissist that sees you as his possession rather than a person with her own agency. He's trying to use this baby to control you. I'm sure he pulled every heartstring you have. This is not an act of love and devotion, it's a cruel kind of emotional manipulation.
"That's not what happened between us. I asked you to join me in the Hamptons because I saw your value. You are an intelligent, kind, passionate, beautiful, sexy, funny, and compassionate woman. You are every bit my equal and more than capable of representing my interests and your own at the Hamptons. We were a team, but you were in control the entire time we were there. If lines were crossed, we crossed them together as fully informed and consenting adults. I didn't just happen to you. You wanted me and acted on those feelings."
Olivia quietly studied Fitz. He may have appeared calm, but as she looked closer she could tell the muscles in his neck, shoulders, and arms were tensed with compressed rage. She'd pushed him too far and unlike before he wasn't chasing her or pleading with her to stay. This was a version of him she'd never experienced. He was generally reactive and explosive when he was angry, like he was with Seth. This, the controlled man standing before her, was very different and it made her very nervous.
"Do you want a baby or do you want a baby with Jake?" he seethed.
Olivia hugged herself tightly. Her biological clock was ticking loudly and it was making her irrational. It shouldn't be a difficult question to answer, but it was and it was the very reason she'd been avoiding him all day. If she told him she wanted Jake's baby she knew she'd lose him, but she feared she'd also lose him if she told him she wanted his baby. What kind a desperate woman plans a family with a man she's only known for a few weeks? They weren't officially dating and hadn't even had sex. She would come across as a gold-digger looking to trap him in a relationship he may not want with a baby he was too reckless to prevent. She couldn't do this with him, not now, not today. She needed time to figure everything out before she discussed it with him. "Does it matter?"
"It matters. If you want his baby, I'm going to walk over there, kiss you goodbye, walk out that door, and pretend the past five weeks never happened. If you want a baby, we're going to sit on the couch and use the next two and a half hours to figure out how to get you what you want." Fitz watched as Olivia's eyes flitted nervously all around the room, landing on everything but him. "Do you really want to have a baby with a man you know is only trying to placate you? Or, do you want to be with a man to whom you and your happiness will be everything. He's offering you a baby and I'm offering you 350 Vermont Street, which do you want more? What's it going to be Liv, door or couch?"
She struggled to quiet the voices in her head and focus on the man in front of her. He was serious when he threatened to leave and the thought of him walking out the door made her nauseous. She couldn't lose him now, not before she knew what it meant to have him. Her lips moved as she silently searched for the right words. After five long and tortured seconds, her eyes landed on his and she smiled weakly. "Have a seat."
Fitz smiled in relief as the tension began to leak from his body. He took off his suit jacket and tie, tossing them on a nearby chair. Moving carefully and deliberately, he removed his cuff links and rolled up his sleeves, revealing his muscular forearms. Without taking his eyes off her, he eased himself onto the couch, extending one arm along the back, inviting her into the space at his side. Calmly and confidently, he waited for her to come to him.
Olivia watched him carefully, stifling a moan at his brazen display of dominance and masculinity. There was something about his ability to be still in the midst of her chaos that willed her to slow down and be present with him in that moment. She walked over to him and sat beside him, close enough that their bodies were flush with each other, her shoulder pressed against his chest, their hips touching, her legs resting against his. She allowed her head to rest on his shoulder and he dropped his arm from the back of the couch and around her small body. He sprawled his free hand across her abdomen wondering what it feel like to know a life their love created was growing beneath his hand. "I want a baby too."
She placed her hand over his and turned so she was snuggled into his side. "You want a wife and children."
"I never said in which order."
"Getting pregnant now wouldn't be fair to you. You deserve to get to know me as Olivia Pope before I'm Olivia Grant and eventually Tommy's mom."
"Tommy?" Olivia pushed away from him, embarrassed by her slip of the tongue. He pulled her back into his embrace, kissing her softly on the top of her head. "Why Tommy?"
"Fitzgerald Thomas Grant the fourth. This family already has a Gerry and a Fitz. I figured our son would be Thomas. Tommy when he's young."
Fitz ran his fingers through her hair, taming her wild tresses. "You've thought about our family?" he asked, his voice straining with emotion.
"You haven't?"
"No, I have, a lot, I'm just confused. If you know our future includes kids, why would you find Jake's proposition so distressing. It's not a binary choice. You aren't choosing between being with me and having a baby. You can have both." Fitz put his fingers under her chin and tilted her face up so he could see the expression on her face.
"The choice is not between being with you and having a baby. The choice is between the known and the unknown. I know I can have a baby with Jake right now, but I don't know what our future holds. Choosing you means that I've wasted the last fifteen years of my life. I don't have another fifteen years to waste. If I want kids, I don't have another three."
"So you're afraid things won't work out between us and you'll end up a barren old maid?"
Olivia laughed. "I wouldn't have phrased it that way, but yes. What if this is my only opportunity to have kids and walking away from Jake is closing the door on that possibility?"
Fitz lowered his lips to hers and kissed her tenderly. "I would never ask you to give up your dream to be with me. I wouldn't be here right now if I didn't believe I could give you the life you want. What can I do to reassure you?"
"There's nothing for you to do. New relationships are a leap of faith. I'm just going to have to take the plunge and trust that we want the same things in life."
"Just because you have to jump doesn't mean I can't give you a soft place to land. How do you feel about freezing your eggs?"
"What?"
"It's a simple procedure. We can harvest, fertilize, and freeze your eggs. That will stop the clock and give us time to make the decision about when to expand our family. My preference would be to conceive our children naturally, but, if something happens in the future to prevent that, we can complete the IVF process. If we break up, you get custody of our embryos. No matter what the future holds, you'll know that you can be a mother."
"You'd do that for me?" she asked, her eyes glistening with unshed tears.
"Livvie," he said, pausing to determine her reaction. When she didn't correct him or pull away from him, he continued. "When will you learn? There's nothing I wouldn't do for you. Plus, you'll be doing all of the work, including jerking me off into that stupid little cup," he said with a laugh.
Olivia quietly contemplated Fitz's offer. "Do you need an answer right now?"
"That depends, are you still considering having a baby with him?" he asked, tickling her side lightly.
Olivia giggled softly. "I can't have a baby with him. I have an IUD."
"Then no, I don't need answer right now. If you decide it's something you want to do, we'll go to best clinic in the country and start the process." Olivia smiled, relieved he wasn't expecting an answer right then. "However, you have to stop doing this." Her eyebrows furrowed in confusion. "You can't keep running away from me and expect me to chase you. It's tedious and exhausting. You're going to have to make a decision."
Olivia slid away from him on the couch. "I made a decision. I chose you."
Fitz reached down, grabbed her legs and pulled them into his lap, trying to ignore the fact that she was likely only wearing panties under her oversized t-shirt. Now wasn't the time for his mind to entertain the myriad of ways she could use her body to prove her point. "And then you changed your mind."
Olivia shook her head. "I didn't change my mind. I was confused, but I never changed my mind. I never agreed to have a baby. I just needed time to think and process what was happening."
Fitz took her left foot in his hands and with a firm, but soothing touch, began to massage the arch of her foot with his thumbs. "Those stilts you insist on wearing are doing terrible things to your feet. Olivia scooted down until her head was leaning against the armrest of the couch and allowed him to pamper her a bit. When he felt her begin to relax, he asked, "Do you want to talk about it?"
"Talk about what?"
"What happened last night that confused you?"
"It was nothing really. Some of the things he said affected me more than I expected."
"Like?"
Olivia squinted her eyes in his direction studying him closely. "Do you really want to know?"
"I want to share in your entire life, not just the easy parts."
"Does that go both ways?" she asked with a sly smile.
He knew she was asking if he was ready to talk about Elizabeth. "I'll tell you anything you want to know. It may be uncomfortable for both of us, but, if you're willing listen with an open mind, I'm willing to unearth my skeletons for you. Now, what happened last night to make you doubt yourself?"
Olivia took a deep breath and started talking. "He asked if we could give our daughter my mother's name."
Fitz nodded silently. It was an excellent move by Jake, one that surely left her vulnerable to him. "Did you cry?"
"How did you know?" she asked in a soft voice.
"I know what it's like to be blindsided by the mention of a lost loved one. It's like being punched in the gut. All of the air rushes from your body and is replaced by a cacophony of feelings. It's hard to get your bearings. Given the context, I assumed you had a very emotional response. Did you..." his voice trailed off, unable to finish his question.
Her eyes searched for his, waiting patiently until he looked at her. "I wasn't that confused. I only wanted to be with one man last night and I sent him home alone. Well…I assume he was alone."
"I was. Every time you walk away from me, I'm left ruined."
He pushed both of his thumbs into her instep and began to apply pressure. Her eyes rolled back and she moaned. "Oh my God, that feels amazing." He smiled cockily. "Are you sure you're not perfect?"
"I may be perfect for you, but we both know I'm far from perfect. Speaking of my imperfections, what did Jake say that made you doubt me?"
Olivia sat up, pulling her feet from his lap. "How did you know?"
"You didn't come to work. You didn't return my calls or texts. You were obviously avoiding me. He said something to make you doubt me. Are you going to give me a chance to defend myself?"
Olivia studied him closely. He returned her gaze, but wasn't showing any signs of stress. He seemed prepared to talk about anything. "The day we left for the Hamptons, when I came downstairs you and Jake looked like you were about to fight. I need to know what happened between you two."
Fitz broke eye contact with her as he considered how to respond. He could tell from her body language - cautious, but inviting - that she didn't know the answer to her question. He knew he would have to tell her about Jake's mother eventually, but the timing of her question couldn't be worse. "I told you that wasn't about you."
She looked at him sincerely. "I'm listening with an open mind. You can tell me."
Fitz licked his lips, wishing he had something to drink to combat his sudden dry mouth. Deciding the unvarnished truth was the only way to prove to her she could trust him, he said, "It was about his mother."
"His mother?" Fitz closely watched Olivia's confused countenance, waiting for the moment when she realized the truth. "He doesn't talk about his mother. They've been estranged since-
"Graduate school. He caught her in a hotel room with one of his classmates when she was in Boston visiting him. He wanted her to tell his father, ask for forgiveness, and work things out for the sake of his sisters. When she refused, told his father and it ruined his family."
"How do you know this?" she asked, with growing alarm. "I don't know this. He never told me." She looked at him wanting him to deny what she knew had to be true. There was only one way he knew that story. "Fitz...no...please no," she pleaded, scrambling away from him.
Fitz looked at her sadly and nodded his head. "I'm the classmate."
Olivia slowly rose from the couch and began pacing in circles, refusing to make eye contact. "I can't believe I almost - you slept with my mother in-law - I think you should leave."
"I'll leave, if that's what you want, but will you at least let me tell you what happened."
Olivia turned to face him, her eyes blazing with anger. "Will knowing the rest make this feel any less incestuous? Will it make me feel less like a pawn in this twisted game you're playing with my husband?"
Fitz walked over to where Olivia was standing, placing his hands on her hips to still her movements, surprised when she didn't pull away. "I'm not playing some game and I don't give a shit about your husband. What's happening between us, the feelings I have for you, has nothing to do with the fact that your last name is Ballard. This isn't about Jake and me. It's about you and me." He reached out and caressed her check. "Don't punish me now for a drunken hook up with a random woman I met in a hotel bar fifteen years ago. Not when I'm on the verge of having everything I've ever wanted in life."
She looked up at him, her uncertainty etched deeply in her facial features. He could tell she wanted to believe him, but she was torn between protecting herself and trusting him. "Is that what happened?"
"Yes, I was drunk and sad and I allowed her to seduce me so I didn't have to spend the night alone."
"Tell me the story," she said walking away from him and sitting on the couch.
Fitz followed behind her. "It was March twenty-third-
"You remember the exact date?" she asked with surprise.
"It's Elizabeth's birthday," he said softly. Olivia was tempted to comfort him, to tell him she didn't need the rest of the story, but she knew that Jake was saving this bombshell for a reason. She wanted to be armed with the truth when he dropped it. "I like to spend her birthday alone. That year, the date fell on a Saturday. I checked into a hotel planning to drink from the minibar until I passed out.
"I can't remember why, but, for some reason, I ended up drinking Scotch at the hotel bar. I was halfway through a bottle when an incredibly attractive woman" - Olivia shot him a scathing look - "for her age," Fitz quickly recovered, "approached me. At first I tried to get rid of her, but she wasn't the kind of woman that took no for an answer and I'm sure I wasn't particularly convincing. We split the rest of the bottle and half of another before stumbling back to her room and falling into bed. I didn't know who she was, hell, I didn't even know her name, until I opened the hotel room door trying to make my escape the next morning and literally ran into Jake. Before I could process what was happening, he sucker punched me and fractured my jaw. The commotion woke up his mom and I had a front row seat to the Ballard family dysfunction.
"I know he thinks I slept with her as some calculated act of revenge, but it's not true. It was dumb luck that she was his mom. I knew she was married, but she came onto me and I was too drunk and too sad to care. I just wanted to feel something other than the pain of not being able to be with Elizabeth. It wasn't payback because I didn't get the job I wanted. It was just one stupid decision in a decade of stupid decisions."
"Is that what this is, another stupid decision with a married Ballard that will blow up her family?"
"This isn't a decision. If it was, I could decide to walk away and I wouldn't be standing here waiting for you to kick me out. My past is just that, my past, but I understand I've made choices, like this one, that may prove hurtful to you. I was an asshole that only cared about myself. I can't undo, change, or fix those things. They're there and they all contribute to me being the person I am today. All I can do is try to protect you from the worst of it by being honest with you. I want this, I want us-
"I want us too. It's just," she said with a sigh, "a lot. You, your lifestyle, and your past it's just so much. I don't love that you've had sex with my mother-in-law, but that happened before we met and I believe you when you say it doesn't have anything to do with us. I'm coming into this with my eyes wide open, but that doesn't make conversations like these any easier. This won't be the last time you have to share the details of a past encounter and I fully expect that one day I'll be confronted by someone who's shared your bed. I want to be with you, but I still have a lot to learn about you and what it means to be Fitzgerald Grant's girlfriend."
"So you're my girlfriend now?"
"Shut up," she said kicking him softly with her bare foot. "You know what I meant."
"I'm not sure that I do. Why don't you come over here and show me?" he asked with a seductive grin.
Olivia giggled. "You are ridiculous. I'm not coming over there. I know what happens when you touch me."
"You like it when I touch you."
"I do, which is why I'm not getting near you."
"Liv," he pouted playfully, his arms crossed and his bottom lip protruding. She hesitated a moment before sliding closer to him, taking his face in her hands and pressing her lips to his. He took control on contact, kissing her softly, taking his time, slowly driving her crazy. When she was soft and pliable, he pulled her onto his lap, his hands running along her bare thighs and resting on her hips. His hands traveled up from her hips; along her ribs, making her squirm in his lap when he brushed against her tickle spot; and cupped her breasts. He squeezed gently, rolling her nipples between his thumb and forefinger, eliciting a small gasp of pleasure from Olivia.
"Fitz," she whispered breathlessly, pressing against him softly.
"I know. I'm not. Just want to be close to you," he murmured against her neck, dropping his hands from her breasts. He pulled her body against his and pressed his mouth against her neck, lingering there when she made a soft mewling sound. He loved that sound. He trailed moist kisses up her neck to her chin before sucking her bottom lip into his mouth. He moaned as she ground her hips against his, heat radiating from her center, tantalizing him through the thin barriers between them.
Fitz kissed her deeply and passionately, slipping his tongue between her lips and tasting the sweetness of her mouth. Olivia threaded her fingers into his hair, returning his kiss with a hunger that matched his. Instinctually her tongue met his in a flirty, sensual dance, a moan sounding low in her throat. Just as she felt her control slipping her away, her cellphone chimed, cutting through the silence in the room, and she immediately stiffened in his arms. Alarmed by the sudden change, he pulled away from her so he could see her clearly. "What?"
"It's Jake," she said quietly, carefully climbing off his lap.
"It's okay," he said, rubbing her arms gently, calming the gooseflesh that prickled her skin. "I should go anyway."
"You don't have to go."
"I know," he said, pecking her lips softly, "but I should. Jake will be home soon and he'll be in a celebratory mood. I don't want to be here and ruin that." He rose from the couch, pulling her to her feet. "Walk me out?" Olivia silently followed behind him.
When he reached the door, she slipped between him and the exit. Raising up on her tiptoes she wrapped her arms around his neck, pressing her body against his. "I choose you. I want to be with you. I'm sorry I worried you. This is temporary," she said, punctuating each sentence with a kiss.
Fitz buried his fingers in her hair, pulled her close, and lowered his mouth to hers in a long, slow kiss that held both promise and forgiveness. "I'll see you tomorrow?"
Olivia opened her eyes and looked up at him, still dazed from the kiss. "Bright and early, and I'll be wearing couture," she said with a sly smile. "Any requests?"
He kissed her quickly. "Surprise me. I know you'll look beautiful in whatever you choose." He kissed her one final time and took his leave.
A/N: I'm going to end the first part of the chapter here. Next up…girls' night at Utopia.