A/N: A little late, but it's here!

Thank you, maniacalmuse, for your skills!

Chapter 15 Misery without company.

After work, I sat down in my car and paired my phone to the Bluetooth sound system, in need of some heavy guitar riffs to unwind. The drive home was pretty uneventful, and I arrived home faster than usual. The fact that I'd worked overtime and it was close to seven p.m., rather than rush hour, surely had something to do with it.

My stomach growled, reminding me of my poor decision not to eat anything after eleven this morning. I was so busy with editing all day and helping Alice put together the book tour that the hours just flew by. When three p.m. rolled around, I figured I might as well not bother at all and have an early dinner instead. Unfortunately, early was no time to leave work today and I really needed some food in my system now. I stopped at one of my favorite Chinese restaurants and picked up an order of fried rice and shrimp, realizing it would probably last me for about two dinners. At that moment, I thought about Edward and the mega-sized order of spaghetti we'd shared on our first date. It made me smile when I recalled his little trick. I'd texted him quite a lot today and assumed the both of us didn't really like our time spent apart, but tomorrow was Wednesday, so I'd meet Edward at his gym. I was already looking forward to it.

Entering my home, I stretched my neck and shoulders, sore from sitting behind my computer the entire day, and kicked off my shoes, abandoning them next to the front door. I couldn't be bothered to change out of my work clothes, since I was too hungry to care about being comfortable or not. Grabbing a bowl out of one of the cupboards overhead, I scooped up a generous amount of the heavenly smelling takeout and popped it in the microwave to make sure it was as hot as I liked it.

My mind drifted to my date before work tomorrow, anxious to see my Warrior again. I was genuinely glad I didn't have to accompany him into the gym for an actual workout, although I should probably try to be a little more active. I just didn't want to make a fool out of myself, huffing and tomato-faced next to my perfect, sculpted boyfriend.

Wait, was he even my boyfriend? Were we exclusive? Was he seeing other people?

There really wasn't much of an actual date within our planned activities the next morning, but the fact that we both needed to get to work on time meant we would probably keep it very PG. I snorted at myself. Edward got me riled up without trying, without even being here.

I was interrupted by the beeping of the microwave. Almost burning my fingers, I carried my bowl of yummy goodness to the couch. The silence in my apartment was enjoyable, helping me wind down after the hectic day I'd had. Just as I began to relax and savor my dinner, my phone broke my solitude.

"Fuck," I muttered under my breath when I noticed my mother's picture lighting up the screen.

"Hi, mom," I greeted her, trying to sound upbeat.

"Bella, I'm calling to ask why I haven't heard from Jake. He still hasn't confirmed for the wedding," she started and I already wished I could smother myself with a decorative pillow. I hadn't told her yet that Jake and I were over for good. I'd never told her about all the other times we were apart, so she probably had no idea that the guy she used to like wasn't going to come to the wedding of the daughter she also actually liked. Seriously, she talked more to him than to me the few times they'd met.

"Because he's not coming. It's over between us," I informed her, bracing myself for the shit storm that was about to hit. To be honest, I hadn't really thought about the guy since I came clean to Edward. I was so over Jacob Black it was annoying to talk about him.

"Oh, no! You can't be serious?" She gasped audibly. "You finally had a good one there, Bella. What is wrong with you?" I didn't want to test her temper any further and kept my mouth shut. She took my silence as a cue to keep hitting me over the head with insults, clearly not happy with my choice.

"You know, don't even bother with bringing anyone," she spat. "Not one of your girlfriends, not Rose and certainly not a total stranger." I could kiss my little getaway with the support from Edward goodbye. He was the only one who would make the entire charade of 'true love' tolerable. I couldn't even bring Rosalie with me since my mother didn't like her, honestly. Mom and Rose had a fight once, their voices echoing through my mother's kitchen, loud enough to crack the tiles on the backsplash. It'd been a silent, cold war between them ever since, and I admired Rose for kicking my mother in the proverbial nuts.

"I met someone, mom. Why can't I bring him? Everyone's can bring a plus-one and your own daughter has to show up alone?" I dared, pulling one hundredth of a Rosalie on her.

"Because it's an intimate family event, and I don't want any strangers lurking around. And everyone else can, Bella, because they don't seem to change partners as much as you do. You make life seem like a game." She was unrelentless.

My eyes widened at the harsh tone and words of my mother. "Excuse me?" Renee was really getting on my nerves now.

"Like the one you just met will stick around now. You always seem to find a reason to dump their asses or do something that makes them leave. You know you're not relationship material, darling. I thought that Jacob was perfect for you. Everyone liked him, and you let him walk away. You guys looked happy, he was good for you. Kept you grounded, looking ahead. You did the same with Mike—walking away from something good and sustainable. I don't even want to know how many other guys you so-called met." I felt tears welling up, burning my eyes but I refused to let myself slip and grow weak. There was no way that I would cry on the phone to my rash, judgmental mother. "It's a family function, Bella." she said, her tone cold and distant. I couldn't really believe it. My own mother made me feel dirty, sleazy.

"Right." I cleared my throat, wishing this conversation could be over already.

"I've got to go," I croaked. Fuck my voice and fuck these angry tears welling up. Renee could probably hear me breaking down.

I barely said goodbye to the woman who gave me life, disgusted with the way she always managed to make me feel like shit.

My phone flew across the couch; I wished I'd never picked up in the first place. The dinner in front of me had lost its appeal, my stomach suddenly upset. I pushed the bowl away, and I put my feet on the couch, hugging my arms around my knees. A lone tear escaped my eye, leaving a trail of embarrassment and anger on my cheek.

It was hard to imagine my mother as a caring, loving and reliable figure in my life. For years and years I've tried convincing myself that it was just her unhappy first marriage, that it was the lack of me having any more siblings—until Bree came along—or that it was the fact that Phil, husband number two, was away for work so much. It was foolish of me to blame myself for the way she was neglecting our mother-daughter bond, but after a while I stopped caring. At least, I thought I did. Now, Renee seemed to have ripped open the stitches I'd applied myself and the pain was back. I'd gotten used to taking care of and fending for myself, but sometimes I just wished I had the kind of mother that you see on TV. Where there's dinner on the table whenever you visit, hugs and real conversations.

Thinking about my past, I recalled the men who I thought would turn me into a perfect girl, the wife I thought I had to become and the daughter that could make my mother proud. To be fair, she never seemed to care unless I was in a relationship. Her perfect little second family wasn't complete with just Bella. It needed husbands, careers and obnoxiousness. I guess it didn't need Bella at all. Renee, Phil and Bree seemed perfectly content and happy in their little American Dream.

I was normal, so to say, up until men came around, actually. In high school, I was the girl who liked studying and reading more than mindless chatter and gossip or social endeavors. Boys only seemed to notice me after that one summer my boobs came in. I huffed, remembering the attempts of Josh, suddenly picking me as first choice in P.E. and asking me to join their table at lunch. I sucked at P.E. and he sat at the table with the cool artsy kids. Josh seemed particularly irritated when I agreed to go to the dance with Mike instead. An evening of flirting, juvenile covering of the hypothetical bases, then continued for about three months into our little relationship until he popped my cherry. When I think about it now, it was a pretty good relationship for a seventeen-year-old. We were actually friends, able to talk and laugh together and at the time I thought the sex was all right as well. The first time didn't even hurt, even though all the girls and magazines warned you it would. Back then, my mother liked Mike, since his parents were rather successful small business owners. Things ended between us the summer he'd gone off to college. Mike's mom, a total sweetheart, asked me to come work in their shop, feeling a little sorry for me that I wasn't going on a college adventure for some decent education. I kindly rejected, knowing I was going to break up with her darling son later that week and I didn't want to have to explain myself to her. Mike didn't take our breakup very well. He didn't understand that I wanted him to be happy and carefree, no strings tying him to his girlfriend, so he could enjoy every aspect of his new life. Even though he was persistent in calling me almost daily and texting and mailing me several hundred times a week, his texts and phone calls died slowly, making me assume he'd moved on.

Being the social-media spy I am, I religiously kept tabs on every one of my high school buddies, including ex's. Josh is gay and owns a Mexican food truck somewhere in Michigan, Mike's married to the girl he met in freshman year in college. They built a house together and last time I checked, had a baby on the way. I was truly happy that a lot of the people I was close with ended up happy, content. Most of them were dating or married, and a handful of them already had kids. It was hard for me to imagine myself being a married mother by now—I just couldn't see it.

After Mike and high school, I got to L.A. and started working at one of the many diners. Later on, when I turned twenty-one, that turned into bartending. I picked up some guys when I felt like it and didn't have any real relationships again until I dated Jacob Black at twenty-three. Everything was good, sex was great but all the rest was swiftly going downhill. We fought, made -up and fought again, broke up and fucked again. Renee seemed to be fondt of Jake though., Sshe used to think he was 'the one,', and I just broke that bubble for her.

The fact that she didn't even want to meet Edward, after I just made a big deal out of it by telling her I'd met someone, was just cruel. I should never should have asked her. What's not to like about the guy? He's absolutely gorgeous and smart, witty and thoughtful. If my mom did the least bit of trying, she'd be over the moon withabout him, especially since he could give Jacob Black a run for his money in every department.

By now, the tears ran freely over my cheeks, smearing my mascara all over my face. I decided to take a shower, scrubbing my worries and misery away in the comfort of a steamy glass box. I hated self-loathing, but whenever it concerned my mom, it felt like there was no other way. She never understood me or, my choices, and never bothered to try., Iit was excruciating at times.

I was sobbing in the shower, leaning back against the cold tiles and my head tilting up towards the hot stream of water, cleaning the black smudges off my face.

Eternal bachelors are often praised for their freedom, conquests and lifestyle, but as a young woman, you're frowned upon. People judge and people talk behind your back. I should just stop thinking and live, but somehow other people's opinions of me is something I care about. I never seemed to be able to commit and I didn't want to make that mistake again. What I felt for Edward, I've never felt before in my life.

I let my shower drag on, washing my hair elaborately. When I was done, I wrapped myself in the biggest, fluffiest towel I owned and didn't even bother with my blow-dryer.

Once I was in some soft, cotton pajama pants and a tank top, I went and grabbed my phone. I'd put it on airplane mode, so I wouldn't hear any buzzing or jingles while I tried to pull myself together.

I cradled the phone in my hands, desperately wishing Edward was here with me. His strong embrace made me feel less like the slut my mother accused s me of to being. He madekes me feel at ease, at home and even loved. It didn't matter to me if he saw us as something only for the time being. Of course, I wanted nothing more than to see Edward right now, to have him tell me he wanteds me as well. I knew better than to bother him right now, or at all, though. Maybe it was for the better that he wouldn't have to meet my mother. She'd make a fool out of me, a mockery of our new, still frail relationship. No, I wasn't going to go and disturb Edward, but I couldn't contain my fingers from tapping a message out to him.

Can't wait to see you tomorrow. I miss you.

I waited a couple of minutes and sighed deeply before retreating to my bedroom, curling myself up under the blankets. My phone buzzed, the minute I flipped open my notebook open.

Warrior: Baby, me too. Crazy week already, doing so many hours.

Somehow his words already made me feel a little better. Edward and I weren't made up in my head. We were real, growing toward each other. His wanting to take it slow was messing with me for sure. Isn't it normal that you want to spend all your time together? That you can't keep your hands off each other? I groaned, mad at myself for my dramatic behavior.

I put the phone on my nightstand and picked up my pen and notebook. It had been a while since I felt the need to write poetry., I didn't even mean to do it, the words just kept on flowing.

I was lost in thoughts,

in my fantasy world.
Dreaming of days,

better than this poor reality.

I was lost,

like a poem in translation

as flowers in winter

as my heart

without you.

I stared at the page in front of me, deciding I needed to stop beingfeeling so damn sorry for myself. My mother didn't care? Her loss, not mine.

A/N: who wants to hit Renée right now?

Rec of the Day: The Dark Lust by maniacalmuse. My lovely Beta has a new WIP. Run and read! Tell her I said 'hi'!

I have a new story up! The continuation of my entry for the TFN Inked contest.

PF