Hello everybody,
today we have a little surprise^^ I bet you didn't see that coming ;-P

baronnis: Thank you very much, but I have to disappoint you. It will not be the ball, but I'm sure you'll like it ;-P We still have some time until the ball, but nobody knows what will happen then^^

Anana16: Thank you so for still following and commenting, you're the best! Yes, it will be fun (Oh believe me, both of them will suffer!) and yes their relationship is unique

Fairykick: It makes me really happy that you liked the chapter, thank you. Well, let me say that their relationship is deep, but for the rest I will not say anything except that you may like the following chapter ;-P

And to the Guest review: Thank you for your comment. I really appreciate it and I hope you will follow the story to see how their relationship will develop and what will happen when Zoro finally meets his crew again.

Thanks for your comments, favors and for following this story.
Have fun!

Sharry

Chapter 19 – Visitors

-Zoro-

He stopped breathing for a moment.

His eyes had to be deceiving him, this was impossible.

"Lady Loreen?" The sales woman at his side with all those colorful lighters was talking to him, but he ignored her, too overwhelmed.

He was visiting the market of Sasaki, organizing some unimportant stuff for Kanan, because she was spending the day with her children.

Like always he was wearing what she had given to him. Some summery white dress with bright pink and red roses on it, a pinkish shawl around his neck.

With trancelike steps he crossed the market, ignoring the people around him, who greeted him friendly, ignoring the basket in his hand hitting some people in his path.

Every few steps his heart missed a beat, while he watched the travelers in front of some veg stall.

As the woman raised her voice he forgot to breathe.

"Is this everything we need?"
They were here!

They were really here!

What were they doing here?

They were too early!

They should not have come to Sasaki!

"Almost, my lovely Nami. I still need some fresh vegetables. But you don't have to accompany me, even though that would make me truly happy."

In front of him were Sanji and Nami.

Panic, desperation, happiness and longing filled his heart.

They were here and they were alright!
They had survived!

In this moment the navigator met his view and her eyes grew big.

"But isn't that…" It was too late now. "Lady Loreen."
Helpless he stepped back, while the orange haired one grabbed the cook and walked towards him. She seemed thrilled, while his emotions were drowning him.

She did not recognize him.

Why?

Why should she?

"Oh gosh, what an honor to meet you. I read every single article about you. I love your trendiness and your ability to spend money wisely for the right clothes. A role model for every woman. You style is impressive and just looking at this dress…"

She continued talking, but Zoro was simply staring up at her, relieved how good and healthy she looked.

Now the cook started talking as well. He looked better too, especially comparing him to the last memories Zoro had. Actually he looked great, like he had just come back from some vacation. But his main problem was that the damn curlybrow was almost one head higher than he was.

"I… I have to talk to you!" He interrupted their bubbling, who looked back surprised, before sharing a glance, while his heart beat fast.

He did not expect them. He had no strategy yet. He needed to act now.

This place was not the right one to tell the truth, to many strangers around.

It would have been better if all members of the crew were there, but he had no choice. He had to talk with them, as fast as possible!

"Come with me, please."

He did not wait for their answer, but turned towards the forest. He simply trusted that they would follow him, at least because of curiosity.

And they did.

Only few steps later they were at his side, asking him several questions he could not answer without blowing his cover.

"I'll answer all your questions once we're inside." He finally said, feeling more insecure than he wanted.

Rushing through the woods he could hear their whispers. Nami being very cautious, Sanji falling head over heels. It was the worst feeling ever and he was almost relieved when they finally made it to the mansion. The way felt longer than usual.

Hawk Eye had left for some appointment at Suzuno, so no one but darkness greeted them when they entered.

He hesitated for half a second but then he went into the living room, were a lively fire awaited them at the fireside.

He paused? Why was there a fire? And why was it scaring him that much? Why did he feel fear?

Finally Nami and Sanji were sitting at the grand sofa and he stood next armchair of the Shichibukai.

They were all quiet.

After few second Name cleared her throat nervously.

"So, what do you want to talk about?" She really did not trust him.

Why should she?

It was more than a miracle he had been able to bring those two here without explaining anything.

He stood in front of them, his friends, in his cute little flower dress.

It should be easy, he had not been worried about this moment, but he did believe he would have more time.

"Are you alright, my Lady?" The blonde asked him worried, because Zoro was still not answering.

The former pirate hunter inhaled deeply.
"It's me."
Confused both looked at him.

"I'm Zoro!"
Their eyes grew big as their stared at him, unbelieving

Sanij opened his mouth, but a sudden bang of the door, followed by Hawk Eyes dark voice, was louder.

"Are you home already? I stumbled across some people at the market and I am certain you would love to meet them."

Said Shichibukai entered through the door frame, followed by the missing strawhats, Luffy in front of all, grinning as always when he saw Zoro.

They were here, his family. Finally he was with them, finally he would return home, finally all would be fine.

In few minutes Luffy would hug him overly excited and at they would pass the night with a great party.

"What's up?" The young captain asked innocent, but before Zoro was able to find his voice, Sanji laughed, but it sounded painful and scary.

"I hope this is some kind of joke." He sounded cold, heartless. Zoro could not remember hearing the cook talk that way.

"What's wrong Sanji?" The canoneer asked confused.

"This girl claims she's Zoro." Nami answered, a little bit louder than needed.

This conversation was all wrong; this was not supposed to happen this way.

"What? This chick says she's Zoro-bro?" Franky mumbled and raised his sunglasses.

"No." Zoro interrupted. "I'm not…"
"You're not Zoro? But Nami just said…"
"I am Zoro!" He interrupted the skeleton harshly. "I just hate when Franky calls me bro, got it?!"
Breathless he stood in front of them, while they stared at him like he was some kind of alien. All but Luffy, who simply watched the flames.

"That's nonsense. Zoro is dead." Nami sounded mad. "You want to say that some weak girl like you is our swordsman? Very funny!"

"Sadly this is the very truth." Unexpectedly the Shichibukai entered the conversation. "It does not matter if you want to believe it or not, but Lady Loreen and Roronoa Zoro are one and the same."

Once again they were all looking at him.

This was really bad!

"Why should we trust a Warlord?" Robin asked doubting.

"Why should he lie to us?" Usopp replied confused.

"You really think the Marimo could have survived?" Sanji seemed everything but certain.

"Well, could be possible, right?" Franky shrugged his shoulders.

"But why is he a lovely girl now?" Brook asked silently.

"And such a young girl." Chopper added. "She doesn't look like Zoro at all."
"I don't know!" He answered, almost yelling. He hated how they talked like he was not there. "But you have to believe me. I am Zoro." His voice was breaking. "Please."
"That's it!" Nami exclaimed pointing at him like he was the culprit of an unsolved murder. "She can't be Zoro, he would never beg!"

Brook nodded in agreement. "It's hard to think of Zoro wearing a dress, especially in public, even if he were female."

"The newspaper talked about a lovely, young, silver-tongued lady. Quite the contrary to our tight-lipped, solitary swordsman." Robin assumed, caught in deep thoughts.

"But it's me!"

His voice was loud, desperate. Why did they not believe him?

"I can prove it!" He yelled again, while turning to each of their friends, searching for help. "I know exactly what I told the cook at the top of the tower."

And suddenly Sanji looked at him, his visible blue eye widened in shock but then he nodded. But now he did not look as healthy and well as he had only minutes ago. He was pale with dark circles under his eyes. He looked worn out but determined.

"You don't need to. I believe you."

Those words calmed his hard beating heart. At least the cook trusted him, the others would follow soon. Soon it was all alright. But why did his voice sound so cold.

"But even if she's Zoro, that doesn't change a thing, right?" Usopps words were unexpected. "Even if she's Zoro and he didn't die, do we still need him?"
Zoro could not breathe.

"Especially now, as a weak girl?"

What was going on?

"Actually you're right. In this condition he's not of much use."

"I wouldn't want to share the girls' room with him."
"Could he even fight?"

"Well, I don't know if I can take her serious as a swordsmaster."

"I can't take him serious at all. And he killed my lighter."

"And what about those articles?"

"We don't need another sister to worry about."
"And she ain't really pretty."

"Besides we wanted to remodel the lookout. The concept is already done."

Frozen he watched his friends talking loudly.

They spoke about him, like he was a burden to them, some evil they did not really miss. Like his death was nothing for them to mourn over. Like he had been nothing more but a useful tool with no further need.

Only Luffy was not talking with them, but staring at the flames, the hat deep into his face. He was Zoro's last chance.

"Luffy." His voice broke again. He had never thought it would be this way, he would feel this way, be this helpless.

"I… please believe me. I'm Zoro."

The other voices died out and Luffy slowly folded his arms.

"It's not like I wouldn't believe you." He said calm but cold. "Actually I do believe you, Zoro."

Slowly he looked at him. "But Usopp is right." His eyes were like ice. "It doesn't matter."

"What? What do you mean?" Panic filled him.

But Luffy simply looked at him.

"Don't get me wrong, Zoro. I'm glad you're alive. It would haunt me forever if you had died because of me." He shrugged his shoulders.

"But I have no longer any need for you. Especially if you're some weak, little girl. You're useless now."

It felt like his intestines were ripped out. Inner pain overwhelmed him.

"But… but … you're my captain!" His mind was fizzy, it hurt.

"No, you're no longer part of my crew!"
With those words Luffy turned away and walked down the hallway, followed by the other crewmembers.

"NO! Wait!"

Helpless he ran after them, down the corridor, which seemed to stretch endlessly. But no matter how fast he ran, the distance grew between them.

Their words full of disdain and hatred filled the air, while his heart was beating desperately and his body burned from the inside.

At last his legs gave in and he fell down.

He could not stop the tears, while the feeling of something eating him from inside grew. Screaming he threw his fists again the hard floor, again and again.

A big shadow hovered above him and Hawk Eyes voice greeted him like the dark voice of doom, far away and bottomless.

"Now, Roronoa Zoro, now you are all alone. Hated by society, left behind by your friends. Your life lost its value. But I will not kill you. No, you do not deserve this kind of mercy. From now on you will live every day in pain and wishing you had never been born. You have never been worthy."

He opened his eyes.

His heart was raging, he was gasping for air.

In panic he lashed out, freeing from chains holding him.

He fell, hitting the ground.

He did not move but lay there. His body was still burning and tears streamed down his cheeks. He was still not able to breathe.

Desperate he burried his hands in his shoulders a screamed.

He was alone. He had lost all of them.

No, he had not simply lost them, they had left him.

He never wanted to be weak, but they had become important to him and now they left him behind.

He could never bear this cruelty. Why didn't he die?

He had no idea where he was, but suddenly he heard doors clashing open, loud steps and worried voices.

Foreign hands shook him, but he did not want to anymore, he could not go on anymore.

There was no reason left for him to fight, no reason left to live.

"Zoro!"

The sound of his name. Whoever called him had already left him.

"Why? Why are you doing this? Why do you leave me behind?"
His voice broke and he cried.

"Don't go. Don't let me alone!"

Strong arms caressed him, held him against a warm body. "You are not alone."

A big hand stroke his head softly.

"I am here. I take care of you."
Desperate he dug his fingers into the stranger's shirt and cried, while the hand in his hair kept the steady rhythm, the other hand in his back holding him. He could feel the stranger's heart beat, how it calmed him.

"You are alright." Softly those words whispered. "It was nothing more than a dream, Roronoa. Nobody left you behind."

Slowly he realized, what that meant.

Slowly he understood.

Slowly he awoke.

It had been a dream, not reality.

He was no outcast.

But why did his body hurt? Why was he in pain?

He lifted his head and looked into golden yellow eyes.

Hawk Eyes.

"What happened?" He asked helpless.

The Shichibukai kept stroking his hair.

"I do not know. I heard you scream. I assume a nightmare, but it is still the middle of the night."

Just now he realized where he was.

He was in the guest room of the Dracule Mansion, tangled in blankets, it was dark around him. Only the full moon barely lightened the room, shadows wandering over the floor.

"What about Luffy?"

The Shichibukai let go of him to lean back but kept his hand in Zoro's hair.
"Probably still sailing towards Sarue, arriving within twenty days."
It had been a dream.

Nothing more than a horrible, cruel dream.

Slowly he was able to breathe again.

He was alright.

"Better?" Hawk Eyes asked, looking serious.

He nodded, rubbing the tears from his face.

Ashamed over his behavior and his hear was still beating wildly.

The older one stood up and pulled him along.

"You should try to catch some sleep. Tomorrow will be a tough day."

He nodded again, not able to look at the other one. His legs were shaking, he had to sit down on his bed. The fear was still surrounding him.

Suddenly the Shichibukai kneeled down in front of him, looking up.

His hawk eyes shimmered with moonlight and his striking features seemed softer than usual.

"Listen, Roronoa. It was only a dream."

Of course. Only a dream. No reality. He knew that, it was obvious and the other one made a fool of himself for saying it with those soft words.

But still, still his fear had grown, a seed had been planted.

Maybe his dream had been exaggerated, maybe it would not be like this, but maybe they would deny him. Maybe his friends would not accept him the way he was now. Maybe the only people ever appreciating him would turn away.

And maybe it would not be as obvious as in his dream. But how could he stay friends with for example Sanji, when that idiot was staring at his boobs during each little sparring? Maybe he would not fight him at all anymore, because he was a woman now. Was he still able to fight at the front next not Luffy and Sanji? Was he still able to be the protector of the crew?

Even if the others would accept him the way he was now, was he able to accept that he was not that person anymore, he became for his crew?

Was he able to stand back and be protected by someone else, Brook maybe?

Was he able to be with them without being mad every day, mad because they were still who they were while he had changed?

Was he able to return to them even if they would receive him with open arms?

Would his pride allow him to be part of this crew, without being Roronoa Zoro?

Suddenly two hands framed his face.

Calm the Shichibukai looked at him.

"Stop thinking so much. Those fears are not real. They only show you what is important to you and that you are not ready to give it up."
Mihawk smiled, something unusual to happen.

"Your friends will wait for you. No matter, how long you might need to return to your true self. And until then…" The Shichibukai stood up, still holding his face. "You have people here, caring for you."

His words were warm and for a moment Zoro felt safe. It was the first time since he had left his crew that he felt secure and safe.

The Shichibukai leaned forward, placing his forehead against Zoros, being unbelievable close to him.

"No matter what happens, Roronoa." His voice was serious, doubtless. "You can always return to Sasaki, not matter if you are Loreen or Zoro."
He let go of him and walked to the door.

"Sleep for now." The voice of the Shichibukai returned to the harsh commanding one. "It would be bad if you could not concentrate during training tomorrow."

Silently the door was closed.

Only a dream…

-Mihawk-

Breathing heavily he leaned against the wall.

What had he taken into this house?

He could not remember anything upsetting him as much as this girl, crying and screaming on the ground, like the emotional pain was becoming physical as well.

He had never thought that one day screams like this would haunt him again.

He had hoped, that he would never again be touched by others torment but yet he was standing here in the middle of the night, trying to calm his racing heartbeat.

He remembered that moment of horror chasing him out of dreamland, when his guest's voice had torn him apart in agony. It remembered him of that night so many years ago, when he had been a little boy, when fear had told him that something horrible had happened.

Then he found that child down at the ground, unreachable for Mihawk's words, still caught in nightmares. He did not want to be moved by this moment, but actually this picture was already burned into his memories.

The other one's tears of fear, of desperation hat deeply unsettled him.

Something within him did not want to see the other one suffering. Something within him had realized that there was something even he was not able to protect the other one from, but he would never accept that.
"Sire?"
Exhausted but wide awake he turned his head.

In the middle of the dark hallway the housekeeper stood. The tall woman wore a long dark nightgown and her black hair fell loosely over her shoulders. Her round, motherly features seemed strong and striking by the shadows of the darkness.

In one hand she held a long pistol, in the other one her gladius. Together with her wild hair and her determined look she was less the good-natured former nanny and more the redoubtable amazon. Dangerous and desirable at the same time.

For half a second Mihawk had been sure, she had been his sister, down the hallway, ready for a fight. Adrenalin and tired eyes were making fun of him.

"Did something happen?"
He shook his head.

"Nothing, just a dream."
Tension left the housekeeper's body and suddenly she was the older, motherly nanny again, the weapons totally out of place.

"Is she alright?"

She sounded like a worried mother, but her eyes stayed stern, searching for little hints and answers because she knew he would not solve any of her unasked questions.

Slowly he nodded, noting her view.

"I think so. I was already expecting this to happen. You should head back to bed now."

While he was talking the housekeeper lifted her dress slightly to hide her gun in her garter. He turned away to give her some privacy.

"And what if it happens again?"

He sighed. "Go to bed, Kanan. I have a lot of work left to do and the dawn is already near, so I will stay up and keep an eye on our guest."

She raised an eyebrow.

"Somehow I doubt that your words were really able to comfort her."

"This neither the right time nor the right place for this conversation." He replied grumpy and walked towards his bureau.

"It never is, is it?" She answered just as grumpy.

But when he looked at her she just shrugged her shoulders and left.

He sighed for another time, opened the door, and went inside. Without the moon shining into his office, it was even darker than the hallway and the guest room.

But his eyes had no problems adjusting to it and this room was familiar enough for him to move in the darkness. He sat down at his armchair, watching the forest move in the wind.

He was mad and worried. Emotions he never wanted to feel, never should feel. Especially not because of some annoying disciple.

His left hand opened the secret drawer of his desk and he pulled out one square-cut bottle filled with clear fluid.

Tonight ne needed something stronger than wine.

-Zoro-

His throat hurt, his eyes burned and every movement felt painful.

Tired he rolled out of bed.

He could not remember falling asleep again or dreaming anything else, but he was still exhausted.

Clumsy he got up and dragged himself into the bathroom, still haunted by his dream.

But even though he tried his best to ignore those horrible thoughts, it was impossible for him to forget that last night he had been crying, hugged by the world's best swordsman. Again!

Talking about pride…

Tired he buried his face under the cold stream of water at the sink, trying to wake his body up.

He held his stomach, which felt like it got hit by some strong punches. Or like the cook went all out on him and beat him up, which would never happen, just for the record.

It had to be his mind projecting his emotions and pain into his body.

His reflection looked at him cranky and for the first time he actually had the feeling to look at himself. Sad irony.

While he tried to sit as comfy as possible on his favorite thrown he could hear someone entering the guest room.

"Hey, sweetie, Can I come in?" The housekeeper asked, already walking in. "Are you alright, honey?"

"Sure." He answered, but looked down surprised.

Blood

He must have hurt himself, which was why he was in pain. Maybe internal bleeding. Chopper had often told him that excessive alcohol mixed with extreme training could be dangerous for the gut, especially for such a weak body like this.

In this moment Kanan simply entered the bathroom while he was sitting half-naked at the toilette.

"You look pale." She said caring, he blushed deeply. "Are you alright."
"Sure." He mumbled, trying to hide the evidence.
"Oh sweetie," She laughed softly. "Nothing to be ashamed of. This is something totally normal."

He looked up surprised.

"Is this your first time?"
"What?"
What was she talking about? Had she seen Mihawk leaving his room in the middle of the night? What was she making out?

"Well, Aunt Rosie's visit?"

"Who's Aunt Rosie?" He asked, flushing away the evidence and washing his hands.

The housekeeper laughed again.

"That's how we call a woman's menstrual period."
He froze.

"What?"
"Yes, I saw some blood on your blankets. This is normal, my child. You probably feel some stomach cramps as well."

Slowly he turned around.

"Are those your first monthlies?"

He could only nod.

"Oh, so you are a late bloomer. How old are you by the way, honey?"

"Twenty."
"Seriously? Already so grown up? But this is nothing to worry about. Each body is unique. There is nothing wrong with Aunt Rosie waiting so long to visit you. That does not mean you are less of a woman. You simply took your time."
He looked at her unimpressed. He did not really need any confirmation by that woman about his body. The only thing he knew for certain was that his body was everything else than normal.

"Do you know why the menstrual period is so important?" She continued. "You know, when a woman reaches a certain age…"
"Yes!" He interrupted. "I mean, no. I really don't need to talk with you about that. I know about monthlies and I know all I need to know about sex, don't worry."

He blushed in an even deeper color, feeling the blood heating his cheeks.

He was not uneducated. Of course he knew those things over the female body, although he tried to not think about it. It was not one of his favorite topics and he could really do without talking about it.

"I know all the facts, so no trouble."

Kanan laughed again.

"Well, do you know the facts about using those little aids?"

Suddenly she pulled two boxes out of nothing and held them up.

"I…think so." He answered, not really convinced himself.

"Okay, Loreen. I leave you to it and take care of your bed."

He simply nodded and waited for her to leave.

She had spent more than ten minutes lecturing him about sanitary protection and had finally left so he could learn something practical experience.

Through the door Kanan kept talking. "I think you should skip dancing and training today."
"What? Why?" He wanted to train, forget the dancing, but he really wanted to train!

"It's not like I'm sick, I'm only…" He was not even able to finish his sentence, without giving up his manhood.

"I know, sweetie, I know. But today will be exhausting for you. Maybe you should take it easy."

He wanted to reply something about her idiotic idea, but he could already hear a door fell close.

Now he was alone, all alone with this strange little thing in his hand.