Chapter 5: Apology Tour

A/N: I had a lot of trouble with this chapter, I've scrapped some 1500+ words from it, and struggled with the time skip as I always do in writing. My biggest issue with this chapter was my motivation though, my Stoby muse and I haven' been chatting as much, so all my other muses have been filling the place and taking what little writing motivation I've had.

Funnily enough, two of the fics that I posted since ch 4 were largely written before I'd posted ch 4. Anyways, I do hope you enjoy this chapter, and just know that while I may be working on other things, I will finish this fic, eventually.

Toby was used to having eyes on him, having what was often referred to as "a colorful personality" -in the nicest of terms- and a body that everyone seemed to think warranted their attention or unwanted comments, he was often a subject to be watched. Similarly, he'd grown accustomed to the eyes that watched him as of late from Steve's interest in him, and had come to easily ignore them.

But somehow that was nothing compared to the attention he and Jim found themselves under once Steve had passed his usual lunch mates and sat across from them.

At least Jim and Toby were on the same page, both knowing to act as if Steve sitting with them was nothing out of the ordinary, and despite Jim's general difficulty talking to people one-on-one, he was good at improvising conversation when he had Toby to bounce off of. With almost no effort, they fell into a casual conversation about classes with Steve, he still wasn't as active in the conversation as they might have been used to, but it felt smooth, and surprisingly comfortable despite the entirety of the cafeteria intently watching the three of them.

He thanked his lucky stars no one actually took the effort to approach them about the social display or say anything directly to them. Maybe there was an advantage to having most of the student body too terrified to confront you, though he could do without all the mumblings of their names.

No one really said anything to their faces as it continued the next few days either, that Steve and Toby (and Jim by relation) were friends. It was an oddity that they could only whisper about behind their backs; though certainly not the worst thing Toby had heard behind his back, it's incessance in the first week of them spending time together was difficult to ignore. Whenever he and Steve walked through the halls together, other students gave them a surprisingly wide berth that was no less filled with stares then the time Coach Lawrence forgot his hat at home and everyone got a full view of his completely bald head. Though these stares were filled with far less snickers, namely none; while people had become relaxed around Steve enough to brazenly stare at him, they still held an old fear and caution around him.

At least, in the first week or so, and then without another change in social dynamics, the stares finally lessened. Steve and Toby being friends -for others noticed that Jim and Steve were nary the ones actually alone, it was only Steve and Toby, or the tree of them together- quickly became an oddly accepted fact. Day after day of constant hanging out during school hours and observations of them going home together on days Steve didn't have afternoon practice became a recognized normality for the most part.

Steve always came to Toby's house, it was the more comfortable option between the two of them. Toby recognized that coming over to Steve's house and possibly meeting his family -or what was left of it based on his heart- was definitely something they'd need to work up to. Not that Toby minded, the thought of meeting Steve's family intimidated him, he was fully aware that he wasn't anything like Steve's other friends, and there would be judgment with that. Toby's house was most comfortable, there was Nana, who was happy to offer any help they needed, the cats, which Steve easily let himself relax around while they hung out, and most importantly, the resting box, which allowed Toby to remove his own heart and directly heal Steve's. That action was always the quickest way to bring Steve "back to life" and relax him.

With each day, they seemed to get better and better at being able to casually talk to each other. It was still slow of course, and they rarely scratched below surface topics that were "safe" to talk about, but Nana reassured Toby that it was a process and that friendships had to be built upon the older they got, as opposed to just spontaneously bursting from nothing like how most young kids would. Especially when one had a history together, and stars above did Steve and Toby have a history.

At the very least Toby was relieved at how easily Jim went along with everything, befriending Steve just as casually and pretending that nothing was odd about it. Meaning Toby didn't have to spend all of his time with Steve alone with him, and meaning that Steve was getting even more love and support than from just one person.

There could be more, there could be others to help, Toby thought, watching Seamus and Logan follow Steve with their eyes as he once again passed their table at lunch. They, as well as much of the rest of Steve's team, had been the most adamant about watching Steve and Toby. Focusing on them well after the first few weeks following their public befriending even after much of the rest of the student body got bored of nothing changing drastically beyond it. Steve's team must not have been able to ask him about it yet, and Toby couldn't help but wonder if any of them had actually considered Steve their friend, or just saw him as their captain which they felt obligated to spend time with outside of practice.

At the very least, he knew that Seamus and Logan could be considered Steve's friends, always buzzing around him, and egging him on, and Toby had seen them hanging out outside of school and practice hours. Eliciting their help would likely be good for Steve, so he had a decent balance of friends around him to spend time with and receive love from, but…

But admittedly, Toby was still scared of them.

Seamus and Logan had always been there, were always around Steve whenever he was picking on Toby, adding onto the insults, helping Steve grab and maneuver him. They'd never antagonized him much without Steve instigating it, outside of their own dirty looks, and it was an interesting phenomenon, to see that they'd stopped picking on others as well once Steve had stopped. But that still didn't help Toby's nerves at possibly approaching them. He didn't have some kind of "advantage" over them like he did with Steve's heart, and of course, emotionally speaking, they were still "normal", still in possession of their hearts, and still very able to act out in anger should they see that Toby is overstepping their boundaries.

He'd stick with just working with Steve for now.

Toby's house was becoming familiar to Steve, not unlike how Seamus or Logan's houses were, it was to be expected, with how frequently he now came over to spend time with Toby. What wasn't expected was how familiar Toby's Nana was becoming to him.

Very unlike any other parents -or in this case guardian- he'd met, who only lightly engaged with their children's friends, Toby's Nana found any opportunity she could to burst into Toby's room and have a nice -if brief- chat to check up on them. She always emphasized at the end of these chats that she was there if either of them needed anything. Or in the case that they were actually down in the living room, he found that Toby's Nana would watch them like a hawk, Steve was certain she knew some aspect of Steve and Toby's relationship prior to them becoming friends. Toby was far too calm and non-reactive to his Nana's abrupt check-ins, suggesting that it was a frequent action from her, but Steve still couldn't get rid of the niggling in his head that told him she was watching them in case he pulled anything on Toby, knowing their history.

That was, until Steve was finally alone with her.

It had been a couple weeks of Steve's frequent visits to Toby's house, they had just gotten back from school and had an assignment that required the space of the kitchen table. Toby (and Jim occasionally) had started helping Steve with his homework now, he couldn't find a reason to say no when they offered, and he found that it was surprisingly nice. They worked together on the assignments, Jim and Toby learning with him, there was no inferiority of one being smarter than the other, just acknowledgements of other's strengths and weaknesses in certain subjects. That day, Toby's Nana had been sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of tea when Toby and Steve came home, Toby informed her that they would need to use the table for school, before setting his bag down and letting her and Steve know that he'd be in the bathroom for a moment.

Her grin was almost a mischievous one, once it was apparent that she and Steve were alone in the room together, she patted the seat between her and Toby's bag.

"Don't be shy, you can sit," She said sweetly, not getting up from her own seat.

Steve could do nothing but nod and take the seat she patted, hands folded on the table and unable to look away from her as she closely scanned him, like she'd never been able to get a good look at him until now.

"Would you like anything to drink?" She leaned back as if finished with her look over, having deemed him satisfactory.

"No thank you," Steve mumbled, she always offered, he always refused, not only for having his water bottle on him all the time but also for being unable to change his answer from what it'd always been.

She nodded, glancing at the door Toby left from for a moment before looking back at him, "I'd like to ask you a couple questions."

The concern in her look was immediately apparent, and Steve was certain in that moment that she really did know the details about his heart and Toby's heart smithing.

"Okay," He nodded.

There was a flash of sympathy at his utter lack of reaction to her suggested prying, she seemed more than just aware of his situation.

"Are you safe?" She asked, her voice significantly softer than before, "At home? Do you have a safe place to go at home?"

His eyebrows raised slightly.

"It's okay, sweetie-pie, I know," She said softly, reaching a hand out to wrap around his clasped ones, "Well, I know as much as your heart could tell me, if you don't have a safe place to stay, I'm here to help."

"I-" Steve uttered, still surprised in that moment for her pointed question and the acknowledgement at the seemingly obvious fact that she was aware of his heart situation. He swallowed to clear his throat, mentally reminding himself that Toby's Nana was a nice person, and that she probably did genuinely want to help, "I am," He said with a nod, it came out quieter than he meant, "The house, my house is safe, my, uh, my dad's gone now."

That was as much detail as he was willing to give her at the moment, and the way she squeezed his hand and gave him a warm smile told him that she accepted it.

"Good, that's good. I'm glad you're safe and getting help, sweetie-pie," She gave his hands a couple of pats, "Have you told anyone about your heart?"

"No," He said softly.

Toby's Nana just nodded like this was the expected answer before letting his hands go and getting up to let him and Toby have the table. Steve heard the faint sound of a flush as he watched Toby's Nana get up.

"Are you going to tell my mom?" She stopped moving and looked at him.

He knew that adults talked, they talked about their kids, especially if their kids were friends. Why wouldn't she talk to Steve's mom about this?

"I won't tell her anything you don't want me to tell her," She said softly, a reassuring hand on his shoulder.

"She, she doesn't… she wouldn't understand," He said softly, looking away, the muffled sound of a sink running filled their brief silence as Toby's Nana gave his shoulder a comforting squeeze.

"I've been heart smithing for a long time," She said with a tilt of her head, "I know not everyone understands it."

"Thank you," He mumbled as she patted his shoulder, "For... helping me, and just, for what you do."

It felt like the appropriate thing to do, like thanking someone who served in the military. She just laughed and waved her hand as she shuffled out the door.

"Of course, I do whatever I can, dear."

She left the room right as Steve felt his heart placed in the resting box with Toby's. The sudden change in warm feelings surprised him, but he was glad that Toby's Nana wasn't able to see it as he laughed and wiped his eyes.

"Thank you for that, Toby," He mumbled sarcastically, quickly composing himself before Toby finally came down.

There was a rhythm to Toby and Steve's hanging out it seemed, one that was becoming more and more familiar in the month of their fragile friendship. There was a familiarity to them sitting together at school, working together in their shared classes, and to Steve coming over for them to do homework and actually properly hang out. Slowly, Steve had begun to worm out of his blank state and express himself a little more, he chuckled when Toby told a good joke, he grinned and hugged Pencil when she came by for attention, and he grumbled in frustration when getting stuck on a homework problem. It was still greatly subdued compared to Steve's more typical boisterousness that Toby remembered, the way he could be heard across the room if he found something particularly funny, or the way he'd practically growl when particularly frustrated, but it was significant compared to his blankness from earlier.

As well as Steve had been doing -the check up Toby and Nana did for his heart recently showed how he'd been steadily healing- there were still feelings he avoided. Any kind of negatively tilted emotions or possibility for such a reaction, Steve would do his best to avoid, keeping things light and more positively angled. He'd skip parts of homework if he spent too long irritated with it, he'd avoid or change conversation topics that would lead to being too emotionally heavy -though Toby did his best not to pry in that regard either- and he always chose positive, comedy oriented movies for them to watch or games that required teamwork or worldbuilding with no clear end or possibility for failure over everything else Toby had to offer.

Toby didn't mind the slowness at all, the subconscious fear of possibly experiencing Steve's explosive anger still dwindled in the back of his mind, and his improvement was gradual enough to not need further intervention. At least as far as Toby was certain, Steve was doing well, what more did they need to do for him?

Apparently Steve didn't think the same.

"Are we going to do anything?" He asked, looking up from his assigned reading for his language arts class.

Toby looked up from his own book. They didn't share a language arts class, the classes being split by grade so there'd be enough books available for each student during the year's lessons, so they'd mostly just read independently next to each other.

"Are you already finished?" Toby asked.

"No, I mean..." Steve looked to the side, trying to find his words, "I guess, just, we've been hanging out and all, right?"

"Yeah?" Toby nodded, looking bewildered at Steve as he tried to figure out what he was getting at.

"And like, it's supposed to be part of this whole, "becoming friends, and me getting to be a better person" and stuff?" Steve set his book aside.

Toby nodded, having a feeling he knew where Steve was going now.

"So like, is this... is this all we're gonna do?" Steve asked pointedly.

"Well..." Toby marked his spot in his own book and put it to the side, "That really just depends."

"On?"

"Well, you, for one," Toby explained, "How you feel, if you're ready to do something else, and I guess, just what we're actually able to do."

"On me..." Steve seemed to weigh Toby's words in his head.

"I mean, we're kind of in a unique case here, Steve," Toby elaborated more, "Most heartsmiths don't actually meet the people whose hearts they're taking care of. At least, not this early in the healing process, a lot of heart smithing is really kinda hands off from the actual person. I'm not certain what we could do that wouldn't involve like, a third party."

"What kind of third party?" Steve asked, looking cautiously at Toby.

"Well most likely a therapist of some sort, but that requires your guardian's approval and I don't know know how okay either of you would be about that," Steve visibly paled at the mention of getting his guardian involved, which told Toby what he'd already figured, Steve didn't want anyone outside of their little circle to know about his heart. "But that's okay," Toby quickly reassured, "I know it all seems kinda slow, and like we haven't done much, but you have made progress. That's not nothing."

"I just..." Steve started, and then shrunk into himself, "I dunno, I thought this might be a bit more, proactive... I guess. I feel like I'm not actually doing anything."

"I get that," Admittedly Toby had a similar feeling too, just holding onto the heart and hanging out with Steve honestly didn't feel like much. It was only by his Nana's reassurance that he felt okay with that, but Steve didn't have that. Toby racked his brain for something they could do, "I guess, so you wanna do something more to help with, changing yourself and being a better person?"

Steve nodded eagerly at his suggestion, want easily shown in eyes. It was a good sign, but the idea that had wormed its way into Toby's head still made him a bit cautious to suggest it to Steve.

"Well, maybe you could... apologize."

Steve's expression immediately dropped at the suggestion, not in anger as Toby may have expected, but in fear.

"Apologize?" He croaked.

"Yes," Toby said softly, trying to show confidence in his voice, it was minimal though, "You... There have been a lot of people you've... hurt over the years, and, uh, a good way to better yourself, and move forward as a person, would be to apologize to them."

Steve shrunk more into himself, looking to the side as he ran his fingers through Pencil's fur in a nervous manner.

"I don't actually know how to apologize to people," Steve confessed softly, "Not genuinely at least."

Ah, Toby supposed he shouldn't have been surprised. The only times Steve had apologized were when he'd been caught and forced to do so, and those were far from genuine.

"That's okay!" Toby said with false confidence, "That's why I'm here, to help with this stuff. I remember recently reading this post that talked about the three main elements of a good apology."

Steve shifted to face Toby entirely -Pencil getting up from his lap at the movement and stretching as she wandered away- making himself ready to listen to the impromptu lesson.

"One. State why you're apologizing," Toby began, holding up a finger, "It's one thing to just say sorry, but actually saying what you're apologizing for shows that you know why you're apologizing, and like, taking accountability for it. Two. Acknowledge how it hurt the other person, the apology is not about you, it's about the person you're apologizing to. Don't try to defend your actions. Three. Promise to not not do it again, and -the most important, if hardest, part- actually keep that promise."

Steve stared at Toby's hand holding up his three fingers, he kept nodding his head like he was understanding and following, but his face conveyed how thoroughly intimidated he was by Toby's lesson. His fingers drummed against his legs, Toby supposed that was better than him having no reaction at all. Maybe this was a good point to have introduced this, if Steve apologized when he was still blank, it wouldn't be very genuine.

"That seems like a lot..." Steve mumbled, glancing down at his fingers, "I... even if like, I know what to say, what if I say the wrong thing? I'll just make it worse."

It wasn't very far-fetched, Toby could very easily see how Steve could make things worse by saying the wrong thing, even if they did some practice apologies.

"Well... how about you... You write your apologies out!" Toby said, quickly getting up and grabbing the half full package of notebook paper on his desk.

"So I'm reading from a paper?" Steve asked, following Toby with a still apprehensive look on his face.

"No, you may end up coming off too stiff if you do that," He sat back down next to Steve and handed him the paper, "But, writing out a letter and giving it to someone would come off better, and it'd save you some of the mortification of having to say your whole apology face to face."

"I think I'd prefer that, yeah," Steve nodded, grabbing a binder from his bag to use as a little lap desk.

"And the nice thing about the letters is you can rewrite them as many times as you need to get it right," Toby added.

"Yeah," Steve brightened at the thought, he pulled out a piece of paper and one of his pens.

"We'll start with who you're going to write letters to."

They sat together, talking and planning out the letters for Steve to give everyone throughout the evening until Steve was to go home. He had most all letters outlined and a couple that he'd begun to write out completely before going. Toby assured him they'd be able to finish them tomorrow and maybe hand the letter out by the end of the week if Steve felt up for it.

It seemed he was very up for it, because the next day Steve came by and revealed that after he went home, he finished up most all of the letters on his own. He just wanted Toby to read over and help him edit them that afternoon.

"Wow," Toby said, holding the little pile of letters, "That's kinda impressive."

"Thanks," Steve mumbled, leaning towards Toby, interested in what he had to say about them once he'd read them, "It's probably a good thing my heart wasn't in the resting box during school, 'cause I think I would have bothered you about them all day."

Toby chuckled and picked one letter out of the pile along with a pen to edit it.

"You're really putting your all into this, huh?" Toby asked, impressed and amused.

"I think..." Steve glanced to the side for a moment, "I think I need this."

"Whaddaya mean?"

"I think... Well, I've been missing, my friends..." Steve began, looking away from Toby awkwardly, "Logan, Seamus, some of the guys on the team, but... But I felt like I couldn't really talk to them. I felt too weird, like, they only knew the old me, and that hanging out with them again would... I dunno, make me how I used to be? But I, I wanna see them, I wanna talk to them. I hate this but, fuck I miss them."

Toby reached out a hand and placed it on Steve's shoulder as he ran his hands through his hair.

"Do you think you can't be friends with them any more?" Toby asked tentatively, "You don't have to choose."

"N-no I know that," Steve said, pulling his hands out of his hair and looking intently at Toby, "I-it's just... well," he sighed, shoulders slumping, Toby's hand fell. "I've been shitty to them in the past too, I've been shitty to everyone around me honestly. And the idea of hanging out with them again felt... weird, to say the least. I can't just act like nothing's wrong like I had been, but... I dunno, your suggestion to apologize, I-I think I need to do that first, before I can really hang out with them again."

Toby stared at him, interested in his confession and curious as to what Steve's friendships were like before he abandoned his heart.

"There's no requirement, for what you've gotta do to be able to hang out with your friends, man," Toby explained, "You know, especially if they've been sticking by your side when you changed and abandoned your heart."

"They don't know about that," Steve shook his head, clearly bothered that Toby would even suggest that, "You think they know about that? I'd never tell them about that, hell I wouldn't've told anybody about it if you hadn't found my heart on your own."

"No, I know, but, they can see that you're going through something, even if they don't know what it is," Toby explained, "And they've stuck by your side through it. And I mean, they wanna talk to you too, it's really obvious, but I think they think you need space, and they're giving it to you."

"Well then..." Steve stared at the ground, frowning as he thought over what to say, "Then I wanna do this. Even if I don't have to, I feel like I need to, in order to be able to talk to my friends again."

"To move forward with them," Toby added what he thought Steve was trying to convey.

Steve nodded animatedly, "To move forward with them."

They went over the letters, editing and rewriting them until they were all complete. Toby grabbed some envelopes to store them away and give to Steve's intended persons.

"Great!" Toby clapped his hands together as Steve put the last letter in a little envelope, "So, you wanna go around tomorrow and hand the letters out? Or wait a day?"

"I think I'll be ready tomorrow," Steve grinned back at him, putting the letters away in his backpack and getting ready to leave.

"Alright, I'll see you," Toby beamed, both proud of himself for helping Steve, and for Steve for taking the initiative. This was going to be a great step forward, he was certain.

They started with Jim in the morning, Steve buzzing over to their cul-de-sac in his vespa to give it to him before school. They figured Jim would be the easiest, having already gotten used to spending time with Steve and overall just being a nicer person to start with.

Toby mentioned that he'd keep his and Steve's hearts at home today while he handed out the letters, leaving them in the resting box. It was good in certain ways, Steve was more animated with the emotional boost and it would help his apologies come off as more genuine, but it also meant he had to deal with the anxiety that giving out the letters gave him. He wasn't expecting to be forgiven by everyone, that was something Toby mentioned when they'd started working on the letters. Not everyone would forgive you, but that was okay, the important part of apologizing wasn't to be forgiven, but simply to apologize.

Jim took the letter in surprise as Toby casually explained what he and Steve had done, popping it open and calmly reading over it as Steve watched him nervously. Jim let out a little chuckle as he reached the end of the letter and his face broke out into a wide grin.

"Thanks man," Jim said, folding the letter delicately, "This means a lot."

"Really?" Steve asked, still unsure about the letters despite all the effort he put into them.

"Yeah," Jim nodded, "You know, that you remember these things -awful as they'd been- but you know, it shows you've really changed. It's hard apologizing to people."

"It really is, I thought I was gonna melt into a puddle of sweat while you were reading that," Steve admitted, Toby and Jim laughed.

"C'mere."

And Jim pulled Steve into a hug.

He stood there awkwardly in the hug, not expecting the sudden gesture, this didn't seem like something to hug over. After a moment, Steve let himself hug Jim back, catching in the corner of his eye how Toby grinned and clapped his hands together from where he watched them.

"You two are more huggy than most of my friends," Steve said matter-of-factly once Jim let him go.

Jim and Toby just chuckled.

"You're gonna have to get used to it," Jim said, putting the letter away and swinging over his bike, "Hugging's good for the soul, or something like that."

At school, they tracked down each person he'd written a letter for and gave it to them during lunch and passing periods. He saved his close friends for last, wanting to be able to talk to them more instead of having to scurry off to the next person. Everyone seemed to take the letters well, seeming surprised but pleased as they read them over, Eli even giving Steve another hug. Though this one was more awkward than his hug with Jim.

At the end of the day, Steve pulled up his gall to finally approach Seamus and Logan, Toby standing a bit off from them to give them some space to talk.

"Hey guys, I have, I have letters for you," Steve said as he pulled out the letters and handed them to each of his friends, trying his hardest to hide his nervousness at approaching them in particular.

"Yeah," Logan said, giving a weird look at the letter before taking it, "Liam mentioned you handing out letters."

"What's this about man?" Seamus asked, taking his letter but not making a move to open it.

"I um..." Steve choked for a moment, would he have to explain everything? No, no, they didn't need to know everything to understand, "Everything I have to say is in those letters for you, r-read them first and then I can explain more."

Seamus and Logan shot another suspicious look at Toby behind him before looking back at Steve and opening their letters.

Steve clenched and unclenched his hands over and over again as Seamus and Logan read over their letters with a slowness that was amplified purely by his anxiety.

"You remember that?" Seamus asked softly, looking up part way through his letter at Steve with surprise.

"I do," Steve nodded, easily knowing what part of the letter Seamus was referring to, "It, it was shitty of me to do... I'm sorry."

"Wow," Logan breathed out as he finished his letter. He looked up and opened his mouth as if to say something more but paused as Seamus finished the rest of his own letter.

"Is something wrong?" Steve asked worriedly, Logan licked his lips.

"W... Why are you doing this?" He finally asked, his eyes shooting to Toby again in an accusing way.

"I... I needed to do this."

"Is Domzalski making you do this?" Seamus asked, finishing his own letter. Steve briefly worried if he should have had Toby with him when giving his letter to them, but he also couldn't deny that he needed Toby by his side to go through with this.

"No, no," Steve shook his head, "I wanted to do this. Toby suggested it, yeah, but... I decided I needed to do this."

"Why did you suddenly start hanging out with him and Lake, man?" Seamus asked, both he and Logan leaning in closely as if to block Toby out of the conversation, watching Steve with perceptive eyes.

"I..." Steve licked his lips, clenching and releasing his hands once again, "It's personal," Seamus and Logan shared a look, "And I don't know if I can explain it to you guys right now, but... Just know that it was my choice. And... Stupidly it was my choice to avoid you guys. I've missed you guys, missed hanging out with you, but I knew I needed to, I guess, clear the air between us before I could let myself do that again. And, I wanted to apologize to you guys, I've been terrible to you, but you stuck around me still for some reason... And now, I want to be a better friend to you."

Seamus and Logan stood there for a good while, sharing looks and both opening and closing their mouths to figure out what to say. Logan finally broke the silence.

"Okay."

"Okay?" Steve asked.

"Yeah, okay," Logan repeated, folding up his letter, "You've been acting weird as fuck, but, you know, you're right, you're our friend. And if you wanna try and be a better friend or whatever, I'll let ya."

Seamus nodded animatedly next to him, showing that he shared the sentiment.

"So you're gonna stop avoiding us?" He asked.

"Yes, yeah, of course," Steve nodded, "I think I needed to figure out some personal stuff first, but yeah, I wanna hang out with you guys again, aside from just practice."

"Alright," Seamus gave a small grin, still looking apprehensive, he shot another look at Toby, "Are you gonna tell us what's going on with... all of this? With Domzalski?"

"Maybe," Steve mumbled, which was a lie, he was certainly never going to share any of his heart issues with them, but hopefully over time they'd forget about it. "Not right now, but... maybe later. Just... just know that he's helping me work through some stuff. Surprisingly, stuff that only he can handle really."

"We'll hold you to that," Logan elbowed him with a casual grin.

"Does this mean we can hang out again?" Seamus asked.

"Yeah, yeah, I've missed hanging out with you guys," Steve said as Logan wrapped an arm around his shoulder and dragged him off to their after school practice, it was the closest thing to a hug they really would ever share. None of them were much of the 'hug your guy friends' kind of people like Jim and Toby were.

He caught how Toby waved to him, grinning as they walked off, and gave a little goodbye wave back.

"We should hang out this weekend, after practice," Seamus suggested.

"Yeah, that sounds good."

It sounded so good, fuck he missed his old friends.

Toby was surprised to find Steve in his cul-de-sac again the next morning.

"Morning," Toby greeted as he grabbed his bike from the garage, "Something wrong? Why are you here?"

"Nah," Steve shrugged, clearly not looking like anything was wrong, but that may have just been because his heart was strapped to Toby's chest this morning, "I have another letter to give."

"Oh really?" Toby asked, closing his garage door, "Is there one we forgot in your bag or something?"

"Nope, I was just waiting," Steve pulled the letter from his bag and offered it to Toby, "It's your letter."

Toby stared at the little envelope with his name written on it in Steve's handwriting.

"...What?" Toby croaked.

They hadn't worked on a letter for Toby, and to be honest, Toby wasn't even expecting one from Steve.

"It..." Steve glanced to the side when Toby didn't take the letter right away, "It didn't seem right to have you help me write your apology letter, so I did this one on my own. But I wanted to see how the others went over yesterday before I gave you your letter to see if there were things to fix."

"I wasn't expecting this," Toby mumbled as he carefully took the letter from Steve's hand.

"Really?" Steve asked, "I mean, it seemed like an obvious thing to do, I've been just as terrible to you as I have to everyone else. Sometimes even more than everyone else."

"I guess, yeah, that's true, but I..." Toby hesitated, not sure how to explain why he didn't feel it necessary for Steve to write him a letter.

"Have you ...already forgiven me or something?" Steve asked, looking skeptically at Toby.

"...No."

Not really, that much he knew was true. Helping Steve with his heart and heartsmiting for him wasn't technically forgiving him for everything he'd done to Toby over the years. He still held some of that resentment in his heart, he knew he wanted Steve to get better before he'd allow himself to forgive him.

Toby opened the letter and read over it.

It followed the formula they'd worked on together, but seeing it personalized to Toby and seeing all the things that Steve actually remembered doing without Toby's reminder, things that he regretted, it felt nice. It felt genuine. He knew that Steve was actually going to keep his promises because he had been keeping them for the past few months, abandoned heart or not.

Something about the lingering bitterness Toby held onto finally melted away as he finished the letter. He slowly looked up at Steve and saw the nervous look that broke through even when his heart was carefully wrapped away in his fanny pack. Steve cared what Toby thought about him, and that was the last thing he needed to know to let himself forgive Steve. Toby gave him a small smile, and Steve relaxed.

"Alright, it's hug time," Toby said matter-of-factly, and Steve gave a small snort.

He shifted the fanny pack to his side so it wouldn't be squished between them and opened his arms, staying in place to let Steve be the one to make the first move. And he did, quickly propping his vespa up and taking the step forward to hug Toby.

Something in the back of his brain mumbled about how odd and unfamiliar this was, but he couldn't deny that hugging Steve was nice, he had strong arms.

"I'm sorry I've been such a huge buttsnack to you," Steve mumbled, "And that it took all of this for me to finally get my head out of my ass and act like a decent person."

"It's alright," Toby mumbled back, finally feeling like the words were true, "Sometimes something has to fuck up big in our life for us to change, I've been there before, but you're my friend now. For real, for real, and ...I forgive you."

Steve gave him one last squeeze before finally letting go, giving Toby a grin as he grabbed his vespa.

Real friends, they were real friends now.