Author's note:

To make up for chapter 20 (which was both short and purposefully confusing), here I am with two instalments at once.

Ladies and gentleman, may I present you the meanest cliffhanger ever - in other words, Steinarius finally finds the guts to tell Agda about his past.

Enjoy!

21st of First Seed

It took Steinarius a whole week to defeat the evil poison that was running through his body, and it took him three more days to find the willpower to leave his bed.

When the Imperial abandoned his shelter for the first time, he was immediately greeted by Erik's smile. The boy was sitting on a bench in the main hall of the Sleeping Giant and looked pale but fine. He also had a few new scars on his face, which he proudly presented to his friend.

"I'm fine, and all thanks to Agda", Erik stated as soon as Steinarius asked him how he was doing. "That girl is simply amazing: since Danica Pure Spring was busy with a newborn baby in Rorikstead, she had to take care of us by herself; nonetheless, she saved our lives without any problems. Apropos, how were you hurt?"

As Erik watched him with curious eyes, Steinarius shifted uneasily on his chair. He was still feeling dizzy and actually didn't want to talk about the events that had led to his near encounter with death.

"It doesn't matter", he said while trying to sound like a guy who actually believed in what he was saying. "The only important thing is that we're both fine. By the way, you are absolutely right: Agda is a great healer. Thanks to her, I've never felt so good in my whole life".

It was a lie, of course – although the poison had been cleansed from his body, Steinarius still felt weak and overtired. Moreover, he was sad and worried and embarrassed for the way he'd behaved immediately after regaining consciousness.

Since the hallucinations had led him to believe that Vigdis was still by his side, waking up to find her gone had been a terrible blow for Steinarius. As a consequence, immediately after his return to consciousness, the Imperial had been awful to Agda.

When Steinarius had finally opened his eyes, the girl had walked up to him with a healing potion in her hand, a sweet and soothing smile on her face, loving and tender words on her lips. Unfortunately, the Dragonborn hadn't noticed the swollen bags under Agda's eyes, the blue halos that the magicka potions had left around her lips, the relief that was lighting up her face - he had simply noticed her dark blond curls, her calm brown eyes, her average build and her sweet, harmless smile. In few words, he had noticed all the things that made her different from Vigdis. Led by his bitter disappointment, Steinarius had slapped Agda's hand away as soon as the girl had tried to touch him.

The innkeeper had been taken aback by the violence of that sudden gesture. She had looked sad and hurt and confused, then she had left the room without saying anything. In those few, terrible seconds, Steinarius had regained control of his mind and felt awfully sorry for what he'd done.

Despite that rude gesture, Agda had kept on taking care of the Imperial even on the following days. The man had been embarrassed by her kindness and had soon excused himself for his behavior.

Stein, you'd been suffering from hallucinations for the whole week, the innkeeper had told him with a reassuring smile. When I closed in on you, you felt in danger and you reacted as though I was a threat. I should have imagined that, therefore it's all my fault.

Upon hearing those words, Steinarius had frowned: whenever he did something wrong, Agda was always ready to defend him and take the blame upon herself. The Imperial didn't like that attitude and was set on telling the girl to stop justifying his mistakes.

"Considering that Agda's been taking care of you for the last few days, I definitely believe you, Captain", Erik said while Steinarius was still lost in his embarrassing memories. "That girl is incredible: she's found the antidote for your poison in a matter of minutes, she's squeezed your hand whenever you started mumbling in your sleep, she's iced your forehead every time your fever got out of control... I think she even avoided sleeping for more than a week, and all because she wanted us to be safe".

Steinarius sighed. He'd met Erik more than a year earlier, when he was still an officer from the Legion. He'd immediately taken a liking to that young farmer who dreamed of adventures and great battles and he had deeply enjoyed the fierce look in his pale blue eyes. As a consequence, Steinarius had talked to Erik's father, paid for his first cuirass and started taking the boy on random errands.

The young Nord was a very promising warrior, but he had a few flaws – he was still very unexperienced and seemed unable to follow directions. Moreover, he had a tough time addressing Steinarius by his first name and shutting up for more than two minutes at a time. Deep in his heart, Steinarius suspected Erik to suffer from a weird illness that made him black out whenever he didn't say anything for too long.

"Agda really did an incredibly job", the boy was saying when Steinarius started paying attention to him again. "If I weren't set on becoming a warrior, I would probably ask her out. That girl is perfect wife material: she never ever faltered, not even when you were screaming like mad".

Steinarius suddenly frowned. He knew that Agda had taken care of him in an impeccable way – she'd whispered encouraging words in his ears, she'd caressed him tenderly, she'd saved his life by brewing the complicated potions he needed to drink every hour. Yet, until that moment he hadn't heard anything about screaming like mad.

"What do you mean by saying that I was screaming like mad?", he asked Erik.

The boy wasn't embarrassed by that question. He had regained consciousness long before Steinarius and had spent some hours by his bedside whenever Agda was too tired to stay awake.

"Captain, you spent most of the week shouting and writhing in your bed", Erik immediately recalled. "Sometimes you even opened your eyes and muttered some incoherent words, but most of the time you were just screaming from the top of your lungs. Agda has even been forced to close the tavern for a few days, as your yells were scaring the patrons away"

Steinarius blushed. The girl hadn't told him anything about that and now he felt both embarrassed and guilty.

Unfortunately, Erik's tale wasn't over yet.

"You once shouted poor Orgnar out of the door, Captain", the boy revealed him with a light chuckle. "And you did the same to Agda. Nonetheless, most of the time you were just screaming two names. Vigdis and…"

Steinarius didn't listen to the following words: despite his dizziness, he hastily stood up from his chair and headed for his bedroom. Once there, he locked the door and slumped down on his bed.

The memories of his past were driving him crazy.

Thanks to Sven and the other customers of the inn, that afternoon Steinarius found out that Agda had had a very tough time taking care of him. Moreover, he discovered that everyone in Riverwood had heard him screaming the two names mentioned by Erik.

"Vigdiiiiiis!", Embry mocked him as the Dragonborn was eating his lunch in a corner of the inn. "Eidaaan! Don't leeeeave meeeee!"

The drunkard wasn't the only one who was making fun of Steinarius – the new townguards often mimicked his screams, whereas Sven kept on laughing at the way he had shouted Agda out of the door of his room. Steinarius tried to ignore the teasing, but after a few minutes he took his bowl of stew and hastily retreated to his room.

The Imperial opened the door only a few hours later, when someone gently knocked. Before he could tell the intruder to go away, Steinarius was greeted by Agda's tired eyes. The girl had spent the morning in Whiterun, where she had bought everything she needed to take care of Steinarius and Erik's injuries - athough the young farmer looked perfectly fine, he still wasn't able to move around without grimacing.

"The vampire's poison was surprisingly apt to take werewolves' lives", Agda explained as she prepared the paste she often applied to the Imperial's wounds. "That's why you felt so bad. Thanks to Mara, I was lucky enough to brew the correct antidote right away".

Steinarius didn't say anything. He knew that Agda wasn't simply lucky – she was a hard-working girl, a careful healer, a talented alchemist. Nevertheless, he had shouted her out of the door while she was taking care of him.

That thought was enough to make him cringe.

As he shed his shirt and waited for Agda to take care of him, Steinarius decided to face the topic he'd been dreading for the whole morning.

"Erik has told me that I shouted you out of the door", he sheepishly confessed. "I'm sorry, Agds, I really am".

As she took a closer look at the stitches in Steinarius' arm, the girl chuckled. The Imperial was sitting on his bed and Agda had just taken place beside him.

"You didn't shout me out of the door because you wanted to harm me", she told him with a reassuring smile. "You shouted me out of the door because you were unconscious".

"Did I hurt you?"

Agda was silent for a few seconds, causing a sudden rush of worry to run through Steinarius' veins.

"I may have a cracked rib", she eventually confessed. "By the way, it's nothing serious".

"It is, Agda. I've behaved horribly to you: I kept you awake for ten nights in a row, I smacked your hand away the other day, I hurt you with a Shout, I…"

"Stein, I've seen what you can do to dragons", Agda interrupted him. "And I'm glad you didn't do that to me".

There was a moment of silence as the girl started treating Steinarius' wounds. The cuts looked clean, but they were still swollen and had a weird reddish color.

The Imperial loved the way Agda handled his body – she was sweet, careful and always tried not to cause him useless pain. Moreover, she often tried to provide him with as much modesty as possible.

"Orgnar has told me about Embry and the others", the girl suddenly said. "When he did, I got so angry that I summoned a Flame Atronach and forced them to leave the inn. I don't want stupid people to pester the air I breathe and the warriors I'm trying to heal".

Steinarius sighed. Although Agda was smiling, he couldn't help but wonder how she felt about the whole Vigdis drama.

"Erik told me that I screamed quite a lot while I was unconscious", he muttered after gathering all his courage. "Do you… do you remember what I was talking about?"

Agda slightly furrowed her brow, then took to changing Steinarius' bandages without saying anything. After a long moment of silence, she eventually sighed.

"You were talking about a woman and a man, I believe", she said. "You often repeated their names, followed by some words that I couldn't make out. Something about a Temple".

"Did I say anything specific?"

There was another moment of silence, then Agda shook her head.

"No, you didn't. Nonetheless, every time you spoke about those two people, you always looked on the verge of tears".

Upon hearing these words, Steinarius felt a violent shiver wrack his body. As the hallucinations from the previous week suddenly ran through his mind, the Imperial took his head in his hands, then he closed his eyes and tried to steady his heartbeat and his breathing.

For a few minutes the Dragonborn completely forgot Agda's presence. He remembered about it when the girl laid a gentle hand on his shoulder and forced him to raise his gaze.

"If you want to talk, I'm here", she said as soon as Steinarius stared in her deep brown eyes.

The Imperial nodded, then watched as the innkeeper gathered her equipment and left his room.

For the tenth time in the previous twenty minutes, Steinarius realized that he'd been extremely lucky to meet such a wonderful woman.

It was late at night and Steinarius couldn't bring himself to sleep. He wanted to thank Agda for everything she'd done for him and was finally ready to tell her the whole truth about his past.

The Imperial had noticed the way Agda looked at him, the way she tenderly caressed him, the way she fiercely protected him from everyone and everything. He was sure that the girl had some feelings for him, and part of his mind wished he could make those feelings become mutual. Unfortunately, his past wouldn't allow him to do that.

With a sigh, Steinarius got up from his bed and reached the main hall of the inn. He wanted – actually, needed – to talk to Agda, to explain her the reasons for his behavior once and for all. He owed her that, at least: since he couldn't reciprocate her feelings, he wanted her to know everything about his past and about the scars that still marred his heart.

When he reached the main hall and realized that the girl was reading at the back table of the inn, Steinarius felt as though the Divines had sent him a sign to help him along with his decision. As the Imperial approached her, Agda looked at him with a worried expression. She opened her mouth to ask him what was wrong, but Steinarius stopped her with a gesture.

"I'm fine", he said. "I just couldn't sleep".

Frowning, Agda closed the Conjuration book she was reading. She was really pale and looked in terrible need of rest. Despite her tiredness, she was keeping guard in case Erik or Steinarius felt bad during the night.

"I'd like to tell you about the two people I kept on mentioning while I was unconscious", Steinarius muttered. "After all you've done for me, I think you deserve to know more about them".

Upon hearing those words, Agda unexpectedly got up from her chair. She reached the counter of the inn, cast a weird spell and returned a few seconds later. In her hands there were two tankards full of a hot, smoky liquid.

"Hot cocoa", she explained Steinarius. "It's a very common beverage in Hammerfell and it's surprisingly good. Adaeze sent me the receipt a few days ago. You look like you could use some".

As Steinarius took a sip from his tankard, he produced a little smile. That weird beverage was too sweet for his taste, but the Imperial had been moved by Agda's tenderness.

The girl was the nicest person he'd ever met.

"You said you wanted to talk", Agda reminded him once she'd finished her tankard. "I'm listening".

Steinarius took a deep breath. The moment he'd feared for such a long time had finally arrived.

It was high time he told Agda about his past.