Author's note:
As usual, a huge thank you to all my readers for their support - and a special mention to the faithful Elspeth for her lovely review :)
Also, a little notification for my readers: I wasn't satisfied with the way this chapter turned out the first time, therefore I decided to improve it and replace the instalment I had already published. I don't like writing things that don't add anything to my story, therefore I was quite disappointed when I reread the original version of this chapter. Hence, here's the new - and improved - chapter 27.
Sorry for the confusion, but I really hated the way this instalment turned out the first time - and I hated having it here, as it only seemed to slow the story down.
Some parts of the original chapter have remained, but others have changed, especially towards the end.
Enjoy!
5th of Second Seed, 4E 202
As he looked at the door of the Sleeping Giant, Steinarius sighed. Part of him wished to run away from Riverwood and write Agda a quick message telling her about his decision to leave her; the other part of him wanted the Imperial to behave like a grown-up and explain the girl why he needed to break up with her. Another part still, however, had a completely different view on the entire matter.
I can't see why we need to break up with Agda, a voice on the back of Steinarius' mind suddenly complained. If there's a connection between a pretty innkeeper and an ugly fire-spitting lizard, then I'm missing it. Also, Agda's the sweetest girl we've ever met. We don't want to break her heart, do we?
You never listen, do you?, another voice immediately replied. We've had this conversation a thousand times already. Agda may be sweet, but she's distracting us - and if we want to survive the ugly fire-spitting lizard you just mentioned, we must avoid every distraction.
Of course we must avoid every distraction, the first voice – the one that strangely resembled Arngeir's from the Greybeards – snorted. After all, that's why we spent the last ten days of our life in Solitude, hiding at Proudspire Manor and carrying out foolish tasks for Elisif.
We needed to get our armor repaired and to tell Tullius about the destruction of the Imperial Camp in the Reach, the other voice commented. It wasn't our fault if we had to wait for the General to return to Castle Dour. Moreover, we weren't running foolish errands – quite on the contrary, we saved the people of Solitude from certain death. Those psychos near Dragonsbridge wanted to relive Potema!
We could have joined them. After all, we haven't forgotten our own Wolf Queen either – and that's the true reason why we're breaking up with Agda. Not because of the dragons, not because of the war, not because she's an innkeeper; we're breaking up with her because we're still in love with our former fiancée.
At that subtle mention of Vigdis, the other voice in Steinarius' mind immediately lost its temper.
It wasn't my fault if we fell for Agda!, it hissed in a way that vaguely reminded Steinarius of Delphine. Also, Vigdis' fate showed us that you clearly aren't apt at taking decisions regarding our love life. I allow you to make one important choice on your own, and see where it got us. That woman traumatized us!
Oh, now it's all my fault?, Arngeir's voice replied. You were the one who bedded Vigdis in the first place – and you were the one who decided to do it without taking precautions. Had you been a bit more careful…
"Shut up, both of you!", Steinarius hissed in discomfort.
A few days earlier, while in Solitude, the Imperial had turned down a job from a man who was mumbling something about Pelagius' hipbone and a master lost between worlds. By now Steinarius knew he had done the right thing: he was already going mad on his own, so he didn't need any help to face the short road to permanent insanity.
As soon as the voices in his mind stopped bickering, the Dragonborn took a big breath. A second later, he walked inside the Sleeping Giant.
Madness or not, Steinarius needed to resume his fight against the dragons – and to do that, he needed to stick to his plan.
Sadly enough, Steinarius' decision to leave Agda was severely weakened by the welcoming he received from the girl. Not only did the young Nord run up to him and place a passionate kiss on his lips - she also led him to her room and made sure he could enjoy a warm bath, change into dry clothes and have dinner with a delicious soup.
Those little displays of attention caused Steinarius to cringe several times; moreover, they had him decide to remain in Riverwood for the night. After all, it was already dark and it was raining cats and dogs - also, Agda looked absolutely delighted to have her lover back in Riverwood.
"You don't know how much I've missed you", she smiled as Steinarius got out from her room and walked into the hall of the inn. "I've been waiting for you for more than a week! You got me incredibly worried, Stein: I was afraid you were injured or sick or held captive somewhere… You didn't even send me a courier to tell me you were late!"
There was a slight reproach in Agda's words, but her voice nonetheless transpired with love and sweetness and relief.
I haven't sent you a courier because I wanted you to realize that something was off, Steinarius was tempted to tell her. Nonetheless, as he took in the girl's puffy eyes, the Imperial couldn't help but feel like a very selfish person - while he was toying with her feelings, Agda had probably forsaken sleep in order to wait for his arrival in Riverwood.
When Steinarius didn't react to her words, Agda frowned.
"Are you alright, Stein? You look a bit greenish. If you need to lay down or…"
I'm greenish because I'm sick with myself, the Dragonborn thought as soon as he was confronted with Agda's remark.
Sadly enough, thinking of leaving her while he was dealing with dragons and rebels and Forsworn was surprisingly easy; yet, now that Steinarius was reunited with her, the thought of giving up on Agda seemed utterly ridiculous.
Several hours later, as he listened to the sound of the falling rain, Steinarius sighed. It was early morning and he was lying in bed with Agda. Just like every other time, the girl was sleeping with her head on his chest and her arms wrapped around his waist. That position made it impossible for the Imperial to stand up.
As he looked at the woman who was quietly resting with him, Steinarius sighed again. He had meant to reach Riverwood and tell Agda about his decision of leaving her, but the girl' sweetness had undermined his determination. Also, the nightgown Agda had worn on the previous evening had had him lose control over his mind in less than ten seconds. After succumbing to lust, however, the Imperial had spent most of the night awake, cursing his inner wolf and feeling sorry for himself and for the girl he was about to hurt.
You're being an asshole all over again, Crepusculus, one of the voices on the back of his mind suddenly accused him. Agda is the sweetest girl we've ever met and she perfectly knows about our destiny as the Dragonborn; moreover, just because she isn't a warrior, it doesn't mean that she can't make us happy. For Talos' sake, be a grown man and accept our feelings!
Steinarius rubbed his temples with his slender fingers. Despite the wise advice from the voice in his mind – that very same voice that resembled Arngeir's -, part of his mind thought that his life with Agda would never be good.
We're used to dealing with warriors who share our passion for weapons and hunting and killing, therefore we don't have anything in common with Agda, the other voice in his mind intervened to support those depressing thoughts. Moreover, Agda is still too naïve to understand the importance of our calling as the Dragonborn. Last but not least, she is too dependent on our relationship with her. Nope, we definitely needed to break up with her as soon as possible. It will do all of us good, Crep.
Before Steinarius could process those words, the girl in his arms slowly began to stir. Agda was completely naked, so that the Imperial could feel the smooth skin of her bosom press against his chest. Stifling a pleased growl from his inner wolf, the man forgot his thoughts and tucked the Nord's hair behind her ears. There was a light whimper, then Agda opened her eyes. As soon as she saw Steinarius, she smiled and placed a gentle kiss on his shoulder.
As he took in her blissful expression, the Dragonborn sighed. Unfortunately for him, Agda' sweetness made it almost impossible to break her heart with his selfishness.
"It's the first time you've slept without nightmares", Agda said with a satisfied smile. "I told you that it was just a matter of time before you stopped having those horrible dreams! You just needed to be patient, Stein".
When the girl crawled over his body and tried to seize his lips in a passionate kiss, Steinarius didn't react. He would have liked to tell her that his lack of nightmares simply derived from his lack of sleep, but he decided not to be too pedant about it. Noticing how absent-minded the Imperial looked, Agda stopped her ministrations and frowned. She had been awake for a few minutes now, but Steinarius had been weirdly silent and cold.
"A septim for your thoughts?", the young innkeeper asked him with an innocent tone.
Steinarius looked at the ceiling for a moment, then decided to tell Agda about some of the things that worried him at that moment.
"Agds, I'm supposed to be fighting the dragons right now. If Delphine knew that I'm smooching with you rather than fulfilling my duty…"
"If Delphine found out about us, she would simply be jealous", Agda grinned before Steinarius could end the sentence. "Every woman in Nirn would go miles to be with someone like you".
Steinarius would have begged to differ, but Agda resumed speaking before he could voice his opinion.
"As for your task of restoring the Blades, you could ask Adaeze to join - she's just left her job in Riften, therefore she's looking for a new employment. I know that you've never seen her in battle, but I can guarantee you that she's a very good warrior".
Steinarius was silent for a few seconds. Agda was staring at him, her chest pressed against his and her hands resting just beneath his collarbones. When the Dragonborn noticed the loving look in her eyes, he realized that he didn't deserve such a wonderful woman.
"Agda, after I restore the Blades, I probably won't have a lot of time for us", Steinarius murmured. At that moment, he couldn't bring himself to look the girl in the eyes. "I'll have to move to Sky Haven Temple and teach the recruits everything I know about dragons".
"That is fine with me", Agda smiled. "I'm not a jealous woman".
"I'll have to stay away for many weeks at the time".
"I could move in with you, then", the girl said with an even broader smile. "Delphine and Faendal very organized, but I believe that you, Erik and Esbern could definitely use a housekeeper – or a templekeeper, since your headquarter is a temple. I could cook, clean and buy you supplies from Markarth, for example".
"Sky Haven Temple is situated near a Fornsworn camp", Steinarius pointed out. Unfortunately, Agda still hadn't understood the hidden meaning of his words. "It's not that easy to buy supplies in Markarth and bring them there. Also, in the future I'll have to face many other tasks regarding the dragons, and not all of them will involve the Blades".
"Then I'll study more Destruction magic and I'll join you in your adventures", Agda immediately replied. "I'm getting better at fighting: over the last few weeks I've taken a few trips to Whiterun and I haven't encountered any problem. With some more training, I'll be finally ready to face the wilds".
As Steinarius heard those words, he couldn't prevent himself from raising an eyebrow.
"The last time you thought that, I ended up being stabbed by a vampire".
As soon as Steinarius spoke, Agda stiffened. She clearly hadn't expected him to mention that incident again.
"You'll never let that go, will you?", she said while lowering her gaze.
There was a long moment of silence, during which Steinarius ran his hands over Agda's bare spine. The girl shivered at the pleasant feeling, but her face didn't betray any emotion.
"I just want to protect you, Agds", the man sheepishly whispered.
"And I just want to remind you that I'm a grown woman, Stein", Agda replied. Rather than angry, she simply sounded tired and hurt and disappointed. "Although you don't believe it, I am old enough to look after myself. Apropos, I'd like you to realize that you're old enough to stop making up excuses in order to hide your opinions. If you don't feel comfortable with me, just say it. There's no need to mention Alduin, the Blades or the end of the world".
Steinarius was taken aback by Agda's words. The girl could read his mind like an open book.
"Agds, it's not that I'm uncomfortable with you", he tried to protest. "It's just that…"
"It's just that you think that I'm a simple innkeeper and that I'm not good enough for a warrior like you. You'd be much happier if I were a warrior, wouldn't you? Also, you're probably afraid that one day I will harm you as much as Vigdis already has. After all you've been through with her, I can fully understand that fear. Nonetheless, Stein, I think it's time you finally moved on".
Before Steinarius could find a fitting reply, Agda surprised him by placing a tender kiss right above his heart.
"If that makes you feel better, I solemnly promise that I will never hurt you", she whispered while scorching his grey eyes with her brown ones. "I'd rather face my own death than harm you".
Steinarius was surprised by that strong declaration of love. He remembered very well Agda's behavior when the Thalmor had tortured her, therefore he knew the girl's words to be true. Unfortunately, that only managed to make him feel even worse.
See? I told you that she's the perfect woman for us, one of the voices on the back of his mind immediately said.
See? I told you that she's too dependent on us, the other voice replied.
Before the Dragonborn could defeat the confusion that was reigning in his head, his attention was swayed by a sudden knock on the door.
"Agda, are you in there? My mother is feeling bad again!"
As she recognized Sven's voice, Agda stood up with a sigh. The girl hurriedly put on one of her usual dresses, tied her hair in a pony-tail and cast a spell to hide the bite marks Steinarius had left on her neck on the previous night. With one last kiss on the Imperial's cheek, the young innkeeper left the room without uttering a single word.
When Steinarius finally found the strength to leave his bed and venture in the main hall of the inn, he was greeted by Orgnar's phlegmatic silence. The Nord handed him the usual bundle of letters, then resumed his place behind the counter.
As he slumped on a nearby chair, Steinarius sighed. He hated himself for what he was doing to Agda – the girl was right in saying that he didn't want to get hurt again, but that awareness couldn't help him defeat his doubts about their relationship. As a consequence, the Imperial felt the need to break up with Agda before her feelings for him became even deeper, thus worsening his fears and making it even harder to focus on his duty. After all, Skyrim needed a savior - and said savior needed to forsake every distraction in order to prevent the land from being overrun by dragons.
That morning there was only one thing that Steinarius loathed more than himself - the people who couldn't leave him alone for more than two days.
While flipping through the letters he'd received over the previous hours, the Imperial sighed in exhasperation. There were the usual messages from his whatshername huscarl ("I just wanted to remind you that I am sworn to carry your burden"), the routine notes from a friend telling him where to find a new Word Wall (will Arngeir ever learn to sign those letters?, Steinarius wondered with a snort), the traditional threats from Delphine ("stop messing with Agda and go fulfill your duty, otherwise I'll skin you with my bare hands").
With a loud yawn, Steinarius set all those messages aside. Before his thoughts could return to Agda, however, his attention was drawn by a little note written in a very hasty way - Adrianne's fallen ill, she would like to meet you. Please visit us soon.
When he recognized Ulfberth's handwriting, Steinarius frowned. The man wasn't one to cry wolf and the tone of his letter seemed worryingly serious. With a concealed look on his face, the Dragonborn realized that he needed to get to Whiterun as soon as possible.
Steinarius spent the whole day in Whiterun. Adrianne had come down with a very rare disease that kept her bedridden for more than a week. By the time Steinarius visited her, the woman had already regained her health; unfortunately, her happiness was an entirely different matter.
"I fell ill a few days after discovering that I was pregnant", the young blacksmith told her best friend. "I've lost the baby".
Upon hearing those words, Steinarius was quick to hug Adrianne and tell her how sorry he was for her loss. As the woman shivered in his arms, the Dragonborn immediately realized why Ulfberth had asked for his help. Steinarius was eager to comfort the man and his wife, since that allowed him to pay them back for the support they had provided him over the previous three years; nonetheless, he couldn't help but think that Ulfberth had been quite indelicate in contacting him - of all the people the Nord knew, he had namely chosen the only one who had lost a son.
"I didn't want Ulfberth to get in touch with you, but he did it anyway", Adrianne apologized as Steinarius prepared her a light tea. "I'm sorry, Stein. This must be awful for you".
Steinarius smiled and told Adrianne that everything was alright. Since Ulfberth was busy in his shop and her father was working for the Jarl, the Dragonborn remained with the young blacksmith for the rest of the day. That evening, after Ulfberth finally returned to his wife, Steinarius decided to spend the night in Whiterun. Before booking a room at the local inn and sending a note to Agda, however, the Dragonborn made a fatal mistake.
He visited the Hall of the Dead.