Despite what everyone thought, mostly because he told them, Dan didn't have an amazing first year without Phil. True, he was happy. But there was one problem. And, his name was Phil.

Despite what he told the internet, and his family, and Jason, he missed Phil more than anything. He knew that he should've apologized. He knew that Phil had had every right to go off on him. He knew that he shouldn't have left. And above all, he knew he regretted all of it.

Dan, like Phil, had continued his YouTube career, but unlike Phil, his fans weren't all too happy with him. The gaming channel was officially over and there hadn't been a Philisnotonfire video. And with that, it seemed like Dan and Phil were now officially Dan or Phil. Yeah, Jason made Dan happy, but he couldn't help but feel like his life could've been better had he stayed just with Phil. On top of all of that, he had found out Phil had been in love with him.

Dan continued to watch Phil's videos, but he never mentioned Dan except for his one liveshow. And none of his fans asked.

He tried not to show how much he missed the black haired dork he had admired for so many years, especially to Jason, but sometimes at night, he'd let it all out and just sob silently.

One night, when Phil had just uploaded a new video and Dan was feeling particularly like shit, did his life seem to change.

"Hey, my parents are taking Lex to the new Italian place downtown and wanted to know if we wanted to go." Jason told Dan as he got back from his night shift one night.

"Oh, I don't care." Dan responded, trying to hid his red, from crying, face, "I'm always game for your sister telling me how amazing I am."

Jason smiled as he wrapped his arms around Dan's waist, kissing his neck "So.. Want me to tell you every reason you're so amazing?" He whispered, kissing his neck up and down.

Dan bit his lip as he tensed a little, "No, I'm sorry." He whispered, "Just not right now."

Jason turned Dan so he was facing him, "Something wrong?" He asked gently.

Dan shook his head, "No, no I'm fine." He told him as he smiled a little, "I'm just going to shower." He said quietly as he retreated to the bathroom, where he turned the shower on, but for a long time, he just sat and cried. Phil wouldn't have let him go that easily, he would've made sure Dan was okay. Especially when it was obvious he wasn't. He did eventually get into the shower, letting the water run over him.

When he was out of tears and willing to face the world, he stepped out of the shower, throwing clothes on. Seeing Jason had decided to sleep for a little while, Dan just sat. Sat thinking. About life, about Phil, about his fans, about their apartment, about how much he loved waking up to the smell of something burning most days.

When Jason woke up, Dan decided to straighten his hair, so he didn't look like a hobbit for dinner.

"What should I wear?" Jason complained from the closet, while Dan sat on the floor.

"Just wear your black suit." Dan responded as he put the heating tool away.

"But with what?" He huffed, sitting on the bed.

Dan shook his head as he stood and went to the closet. He threw a light blue shirt at the blonde on the bed, "There." He said simply as he himself grabbed a white button up and a suit jacket.

"Oh, you're so smart." Jason whispered, kissing Dan's neck again

"I just finished my hair." Dan warned as he moved so he was out of reach.

Jason groaned, "Fine."

"Don't be so glum." Dan said as he started to undress.

"Well you should stop teasing me."

"I'm undressing, this isn't teasing." Dan argued

Jason rolled his eyes, "Fine, fine. Later?"

Dan sighed to himself as he started to button the shirt "Maybe."

Jason nodded, "I'll take that. Now hurry."

Dan rolled his eyes as he did as told, "There. Happy?"

Jason kissed him "Very, now lets go."

Once at the restaurant, which seemed to be filled with older rich couples, they sat at the table Jason's parents had reserved for them as they waited for his family.

"Where are they?" Jason muttered, frustrated

"Honey, calm down." Dan told him, taking his hand in his own.

Eventually, Jason's family showed up, and after greeting and apologizes, everybody was settled in.

"So, did you see Phil posted a new video?" Jason's fourteen year old sister, Lexi, asked Dan.

"Lex, n-" Jason started, but Dan cut him off.

"No, it's fine." Dan assured him, "Yeah, I did."

"And, Chris posted a new Fantastic Foursome video."

"But, that's impossible." Dan said with a slight laugh, "There's only three of them. I made the foursome part."

"Not anymore." She said as she glanced at the menu, "They recruited Joe Sugg."

"Like Zoe's brother?" Dan said, slightly offended, "Like ThatcherJoe?"

"Dan, calm down, it doesn't matter." Jason said, trying to calm Dan down.

Dan sighed, but nodded, "Yeah, I-I know. Sorry." He muttered

Jason smiled as he bit his lip, "Dan, there's something I've been wanting to ask you."

Dan looked at him, "Um. Okay. Have at it."

And then something happened. Something that at that moment seemed like it would change his life forever.

Jason pulled out a ring box and took Dan's hand, "Daniel James Howell." He started as he got down on one knee.

The rest of the speech was a blur for Dan, but he knew when he had to make the ultimate decision.

"Dan, will you marry me?" He heard Jason ask. He knew everybody in the restaurant was watching, waiting for his answer.

"Yes, o-of course." Dan answered as the room burst into applause. Then there was a ring on his finger and Jason kissed him.

"I love you." Jason whispered as he sat back down.

"I love you too." Dan muttered, but he couldn't help but feel like he had made the wrong choice. Yeah, he loved Jason, he guessed, but he couldn't help but feel like Phil was still his lobster. But he had fucked that up real bad.

"Wanna tell the internet?" Jason asked him later that night when they were back in their apartment.

That was the part Dan was dreading the most. The internet. His fans were going to kill him, his old fans were going to kill him, Phil's fans were going to kill him, but none of that mattered to Dan. Phil knowing mattered to Dan.

"Yeah, sure." Dan lied, "They're going to find out soon enough either way." He then took a picture of his ring and decided to go for it in the caption. "Holy shit, I'm going to be Mr. Ashe." He wrote before hesitantly posting the picture.

"That's the most white girl thing I've ever heard you say." Jason teased as he wrapped his arms around him.

"Mhm." Dan mumbled as he scrolled through his notifications. Nobody was really happy about it. And then something happened.

AmazingPhil: Congratulations.

It was short, but it was Phil. It was most Dan had heard from Phil in a year. That's when he couldn't take it anymore. That's when he finally broke into tears.

It had been a normal day for Phil.

Wake up.

Stare at the ceiling.

Finally get up.

Eat breakfast.

Check Twitter.

Get dressed.

Go out for an hour or so.

Eat lunch.

Watch anime.

Check Twitter.

Eat dinner.

Shower.

And sleep.

But, all of these things had one thing in common. Phil did all of these while thinking about Dan.

The 6'3 brown fringed perfection was always on his mind. Regardless of what he did. He didn't always mind. He loved Dan, even after all he'd put him through.

But, that night he hadn't been expecting it. It was a typical evening, takeout while staring at Dan's vacant spot in the lounge.

And that's when it happened. When Dan had left, Phil had turned his post notifications on for all of Dan's social medias. So he practically jumped when he got the notification. As he opened it, he couldn't help but wonder why he bothered. It's not like Dan tweeted him, or cared about him. But in the words of Phoebe Buffay, Dan was his lobster, or at least that's what he was hoping would eventually happen, but that night showed it wouldn't.

"Holy shit, I'm going to be Mr. Ashe." Phil read and then looked at the picture of the ring. He typed his reply and sent it, trying to be a good person. But,

That's when it hit Phil. He had lost. He didn't have a chance with Dan, because Dan had somebody who loved him, somebody who wasn't afraid to show it. And it hurt.

That night, Phil cried until he couldn't cry anymore. But, he decided something. He was done crying over Dan. He was done moping around. He was done being the victim. Two could play at this game, and if Dan wanted to play then oh how they would play.