Author's note:
After enjoying my holidays, here I am with a new update for all my amazing readers. Speaking of which, I thank all the reviewers who expressed their opinions about Steinarius' new nickname for Agda. I was looking for something funny and original (on the line of Arnbjorn's "tidbit" for the new recruits of the DB), but my "creation" actually stood out too much. Thank you for letting me know, kaibaeskyrim and the others: it's always a pleasure to receive constructive criticism; also, this kind of suggestions do help me become a better writer, so keep them coming!
As for Elspeth's reviews, I'm glad you underlined that Stein is giving Agda time. He's a goofball, but he tries his best to act as sweetly as he can! Also, Herma-Mora will play a huge role in his future and I honestly can't wait to write that part of the story.
As for Maz1X, worry not for the delay in your reviews: I know a thing or two about bad WiFi during the holidays! Also, I hope you had a great time in Canada.
On to Kokkini/Valtieri, I must confess that I adore your new username. It sounds funny and exotic at the same time! Also, I'm very glad you enjoyed Agda' speech about her scars.
As for kaibaeskyrim, thank you once again for your remarks. Also, worry not: Stein will have many other chances to kiss Agda - and one day she may even decide to stop avoiding him.
On to my latest update, today I present you with a build-up chapter that will help me connect the College questline to the future instalment.
Enjoy!
17th of Frostfall, 4E 202
After her late-night talk with Steinarius, Agda started feeling much better. Nightmares still plagued her sleep and scars still marred her body, sure, but the Archmage now knew she had someone to count on, someone she could speak to, someone who would take her in their arms and soothe her every time she felt particularly distressed - and for that, the young woman was extremely grateful.
Steinarius immediately noticed the change in Agda's attitude. After their heart-to-heart the Nord would smile more often, laugh more often, hang out with her colleagues more often - and on a few glorious occasions, she even walked through Winterhold without hiding her scars. Despite that improvement, however, the Dragonborn knew that the girl's road to recovery was still very long - and the black halos Agda often had around her eyes definitely proved him right.
When her colleagues asked her about those marks, the young Archmage would dismiss their worries with a shrug and a weak smile; once alone with Steinarius, however, Agda told him everything about her bad dreams, about her missing memories, about the problems she still had with her self-esteem. The Dragonborn listened to her carefully, lovingly, with all the attention and the sweetness he could muster - and every time Agda thanked him for his support, the Imperial felt his heart swell with joy.
Over the course of the previous weeks Steinarius had discovered that he really cared about Agda. Actually, not only did he care about her: deep in his heart, the Dragonborn knew that he loved that little mage, that he loved her brown eyes, that he loved her weird mixture of timidness and stubborness and fierceness. Droven by his feelings, the Imperial would have liked to stay by Agda' side until she was finally healed, he would have liked to help her along the difficult path she had to face as the new Archmage of Winterhold, he would have liked to confess her that he couldn't imagine a life without her; yet, his role as the savior of the world didn't allow him to do any of that. Steinarius had already tried to combine his love life with his calling as the Dragonborn, but the result had been a total fiasco that had almost caused him to lose Agda once and for all. That's why, despite his growing feelings, the Imperial had no wish to tell that sweet woman about his love - Agda had already been through a lot, and Steinarius didn't want to make her suffer again.
Although the Dragonborn was trying to hide them, Agda wasn't oblivious of the feelings he nourished for her. She'd noticed the way his eyes affectionately scanned her face when he thought she wasn't looking, she'd noticed the way he tensed every time Adaeze spoke to her, she'd noticed the way he made sure she had everything she needed in her office, in her bedroom, even in her personal larder; moreover, she'd noticed the way Steinarius had almost kissed on that long night, when she'd finally found the confidence to open up to him and let him help her with her sufferance. Yet, Agda still didn't feel like reciprocating those feelings: she cared about Steinarius, she really did, but a self-preserving mechanism hidden in the depths of her mind prevented her from resuming her relationship with him. The Imperial was sweet and kind and gentle, but he could also be stubborn, tactless and downright annoying; also, in few days time he was meant to leave for High Hrotgar and finally face his destiny as the Dragonborn - and in her frail conditions, Agda had no wish to get involved with a man who was about to face death in an attempt to save the world from destruction.
While recovering from the aftermath of the battle against Ancano, Steinarius spent a couple of weeks in Winterhold. Over that amount of time the man supported Agda with her new job, helped the local population rebuild their town, trained with Hadvar in order to recover from his injury. Moreover, the Imperial allowed Adaeze to find a new, better job.
Since she'd been fired by the Jarl of Winterhold for her interest in Agda's disappearance, the young Redguard had been unemployed. Her best friend had offered her to work for the College, but Adaeze had refused. Not only had she had enough of Winterhold: the former thief also wanted a job that could help her stay close to Hadvar.
Despite Agda and Steinarius' doubts, Adaeze was terribly serious about her relationship with the young soldier. Her close-encounter with death had namely helped her realize that across her life she'd made many big mistakes - and throwing away Hadvar's affection had probably been the biggest one. That young man was sweet and kind and faithful, had a lovely smile that made her melt every time, had gone miles to save her when she'd been stabbed; moreover, he hadn't shown any hint of disgust when Adaeze had told him about the murder of her parents, about her wrecked childhood in Bravil, about her past life as a thief. Hadvar accepted her as she was, flaws and qualities included - and now that she was provided with a chance to start all over again, Adaeze was determined to be faithful to that kind soldier who'd saved her life more times than she could count. Unfortunately, in order to be faithful to Hadvar, the young Redguard felt the need to find a job that would bring her closer to the Imperial Camp of the Rift.
"I don't want to return to the Thieves Guild", Adaeze told Agda and Steinarius one night, while the three of them were having a tankard of mead at the inn. "If I do, they'll send me on errands all over Skyrim and I won't have the chance to spend time with Hadvar. I love him and I don't want to part from him anymore".
Steinarius and Agda had exchanged a skeptical glance at that confession; yet, they'd agreed to help the young Redguard find a decent job that could help her stay close to Hadvar. In particular, Steinarius wrote a long letter to Legate Rikke in which he described Adaeze's talent for fighting and openly vouched for her admission in the Legion. When she found out about that message, the young Redguard threw her arms around the Dragonborn's neck and seemed unable to stop thanking him for that favor.
A few days later, when she was summoned in Solitude and asked to face an admission trial to join the army , Adaeze immediately obliged. Legate Rikke was really impressed by her skills and, although she had some doubts about her bubbly personality, she decided to allow the young woman to become a soldier - and when she was stationed in the Rift under Hadvar's command, Adaeze felt as though she was the luckiest creature in the whole wide world.
For the first time in her existence, the Redguard had the chance to build herself an honest life with the man she truly loved.
As she carefully read the letter she'd just received, Agda frowned. Adaeze and Hadvar had left for the Rift a few days earlier and the young woman had expected to receive a message from them; yet, the sender of that beautifully written letter had nothing to do with her two friends.
"It looks like my favorite mage is so busy with work that she won't even notice me", someone suddenly said.
Startled by that voice, Agda shuddered and turned her head towards the door of her room. Steinarius was standing there, a heavy scarf draped around his neck and his best cloak around his shoulders. His cheeks were red because of the cold, whereas his hair were damp because of the snow. Despite the freezing weather of the North, the man seemed surprisingly happy and cheerful.
"Another letter from Delphine?", he asked while taking off his wet clothes and running a hand through his tousled hair.
Agda gestured for the Imperial to lay his cloak and his scarf by the magical fireplace in the middle of her room, then she used a spell to present him with a pair of comfortable house-shoes. Steinarius eagerly shed the boots he'd worn for his quick hunting session and immediately put on those warm slippers.
"Not really", the girl said while twitching her nose. "I'm afraid it is something worse".
As he slumped on a nearby chair, Steinarius scoffed.
"There's nothing worse than Delphine".
Agda chuckled at Steinarius' sternness and couldn't help but think of the events from the previous few days.
A week earlier Delphine had written her a long letter full of questions about her health and apologies for the way the young Nord had been forced to face Ancano on her own. Upon reaching the end of the message, however, Agda had immediately understood why the Breton had actually bothered to write her.
I know that Crepusculus is still in Winterhold, Delphine had namely added as a post-scriptum to that long letter. Would you please remind him that we still need recruits for the Blades? It's been a while since he last introduced me to a possible dragonhunter.
Agda had simply sighed when confronted with that comment, whereas Steinarius had lost his temper and begun insulting Delphine. Actually, the man had screamed so loudly that the librarian of the College had visited the Archmage's office just to tell him to shut up, thus causing Steinarius' mood to get even worse.
Confronted with the man's rage, Agda had been forced to realize that he was bound to leave her soon, a fact that had caused her nightmares to become more frequent. At the same time, the Archmage had done her best to help Steinarius find a suitable recuit for the Blades. It hadn't taken her long, actually: J'zhargo was visibly disappointed by her new role as the leader of the College and had even begun looking for a new magic school. When provided with the chance of becoming a dragonhunter, however, the Khajit had immediately forgotten his dreams of a career as a scholar and had eagerly accepted Steinarius' offer. The Imperial had been very glad to hear that: with J'hargo, Faendal and Erik by his side, Steinarius namely believed that the Blades would soon become very successful. Also, he hoped Delphine would finally give him some peace.
"I'll actually have to talk to that witch soon, I'm afraid", the Imperial snorted when Agda didn't say anything in reply to his previous comment about Delphine. "She'll probably want me to train J'zhargo, so I'll have to stick around her for a while - if I don't kill her first, obviously".
"Maybe she will kill you first", Agda joked. "You hate her, but I get the feeling she hates you too".
Steinarius snorted at that, then he fell silent for a while. At last, the man finally faced the reason why he'd decided to visit Agda.
"The people of Winterhold would like to give you that horse, Snowbell, in order to thank you for everything you'd done for them".
Agda raised her gaze from the letters she was reading. She remembered that horse very well - after all, it had almost killed her on the way towards Labyrinthian.
"Is there a reason why you're telling me any of this?", she asked Steinarius. "You've just spoiled a rather important surprise".
The Dragonborn reacted to those words with an idle movement of his hands.
"The villagers have come up with other gifts, don't worry. Actually, I told you about this just because I was wondering whether that present will finally help you learn how to ride. I'll have to spend a few weeks in the Reach with Delphine and I'd actually be very happy if you visited me".
Agda was taken aback by Steinarius' words, and she was even more surprised when the Imperial blushed. He'd never been good with words, so he probably hadn't meant his request to sound so blunt.
"Stein, I'll have a lot of work to do in the next few weeks", she told him, kindness and sadness and regret well evident in her voice. "Even if I knew how to ride, I wouldn't have the time to visit you. You can always hop on a dragon and come to Winterhold, though".
Confronted with Agda's cautious smile, Steinarius sighed. In Solstheim he'd learned how to ride dragons, but it wasn't nearly as fascinating as people believed it.
"I can ride dragons, sure, but I cannot direct them", he pointed out. "That makes the whole thing rather pointless. By the way, since you cannot visit me in Karth, I guess I'll have to rely only on myself to keep my werewolf in check when I'm around Delphine".
Agda furrowed her brow.
"Stein, Delphine can be rather harsh at times, but..."
"I know, I know", the man broke her off. "I can't turn her into a steak because she's my boss. I was just kidding, Agds: I promise you I'll be a good pup and won't cause any problem".
Agda smiled at Steinarius' depressed tone, then resumed reading the letters she'd received. Next to her, the man grabbed a book and started flipping through the pages. The Imperial was rather fond of reading, a fact Agda had only recently discovered.
"What were you doing when I came in?", Steinarius asked after a while, thus breaking the comfortable silence inside the room.
Confronted with that enquiry, Agda twitched her nose in disgust.
"Next week I'll receive a delegation from the Blue Palace. They've written me so many times that I've finally agreed to meet them. Don't worry, though: I won't take sides in the war", the girl added when she noticed Steinarius' frown.
"I'm not worried for your opinions about the war, Agds", the man pointed out. "I'm just worried that some Stormcloak lunatics may come here and insult you because you received a delegation from the Legion, but didn't meet with anyone from their ranks".
"Actually, the Stormcloaks won't complain at all", Agda replied. As she spoke, the girl blushed and neatly avoided Steinarius' gaze. "I will meet them too".
The sudden revelation caused Steinarius to remain speechless for a long amount of time. He'd always believed Ada to be a supporter of the Empire, but he'd never really faced that topic with her - and now he was slowly beginning to regret that mistake.
"You're not a supporter of Ulfric, are you?"
Agda was surprised by the way Steinarius' eyes got golden as soon as he said those words.
"Would it make any difference?", she asked, slightly intimated by the Dragonborn's threatening gaze. Agda knew that Steinarius was very sensitive about that topic, but she was nonetheless shocked by the betrayed look he was sporting at the moment.
"You're asking me if it makes any difference? Of course it does!", the man snapped, his voice full of surprise and confusion. "Ulfric murdered his own king, Agda! He challenged him to a duel and before Thorygg could even accept, he'd already used the Thu'um to rip him into pieces! He killed him in cold-blood, just like he's ripping this land apart without blinking an eye! Ulfric is no hero, Agds: he's a monster, one who wouldn't hesitate to destroy this country in order to become king, to sacrifice his own people to increase his power, to murder every stranger in this land in order to prove that Skyrim belongs to the Nords. If it depended on him, people like Brelyna, Faralda or Drevys would have already been forced to leave this country - and if it depended on him, people of mixed-origins like me would be gutted and skinned in the main square of Windhelm!"
"But the Empire..."
"Agds, do not use that topic with me!", Steinarius warned his friend. "The Empire has made a lot of mistakes, sure, and that included sacrificing Talos to the Thalmor. Yet, before Ulfric started his stupid crusade, people in Skyrim worshipped Tiber Septim with no problems: it was the Stormcloaks who caused the Empire to intervene after openly breaking the rules. It was their fault if the Thalmor now consider Skyrim a threat, it was their fault if dozens of people die every day, it was their fault if a guy like Ancano was admitted inside the College! When you meet Ulfric, Agds, tell him to take a good look at your face and to apologize, because it was his fault if the Thalmor got so obsessed with Skyrim!"
After Steinarius shouted that last sentence, Agda remained speechless for a moment. She was completely surprised by Steinarius' rageful reaction to her words.
"I... I didn't mean to upset you", she whispered while lowering her gaze. "It's just... I thought... I..."
Much to her dismay, Agda realized that she was still too shocked by Steinarius' unexpected outburst of rage to form any decent sentence. Surprisingly enough, the man noticed it too.
"Agds, I wasn't screaming at you", he pointed out, his irises slowly regaining their natural color. As he spoke, the man gently laid a hand above Agda's. His voice was full of regret. "Unfortunately, I get carried away every time I face this topic. I'm sorry for snapping, Agds, I really am - and then, I was lying: even if you were a supporter of the rebels, things between us wouldn't change at all. I didn't mean to judge you".
"Stein, when I say that I'm not taking sides in the war, I mean it", Agda carefully replied. "I really don't know who I should fight for, because both the Empire and the Stormcloaks have made horrible things in the last few years".
"But the Stormcloaks..."
"The Stormcloaks have their flaws, but the Empire has made quite a lot of mistakes too", Agda broke Steinarius off. "You can say what you want, but it was the Empire that first let the Thalmor into Skyrim. Sure, Ulfric's rebellion hase forced the Dominion to rely more violent methods, but it was the Emperor who allowed the Aldmeri to do what they wanted in his lands. It was the Empire's fault if Adaeze's parents were murdered, it was their fault if my parents' shop in Anvil was burnt to the ground, it was their fault if the Thalmor are allowed to kill Talos' worshippers - and Ulfric is fighting because he thinks this is utterly unjust".
"Agds, there are many things you don't know about Ulfric", Steinarius replied. "Yet, I don't want to influence you. Just... Just promise me you'll be careful if you decide to meet him, will you?"
Agda nodded, then watched as Steinarius resumed reading his book. It was the first time they openly discussed their opinions about the war and the young woman wanted to know more about the Dragonborn's decision to join the Legion.
"You and Thorygg were good friends, right?"
Steinarius wasn't surprised by that question.
"We were very good friends, Agds - so good that he was supposed to be the best man at my wedding". After that revelation, Steinarius sighed, closed the book he was reading and looked Agda in the eyes. "You know what really bothers me about this war? Thorygg wasn't the best king in the world, but he was an honest, decent and honorable man who deeply loved his people and his country. Also, he wasn't murdered because he'd hurt people or because he'd done something wrong - he was murdered because a certain maniac wanted to take his place and thought to be much better than him. And to add insult to injury, I think Ulfric caused more troubles in the last few months than Thorygg did in his whole life. That's why I hate that man: because he led this land into chaos just in order to fulfill his personal dreams of greatness. Ulfric doesn't care about Skyrim, or Talos, or the Nords: he only cares about himself".
As Steinarius talked, Agda was surprised by the raw pain in his voice. Thorygg had been killed shortly after Vigdis' injury and Eidan's death, therefore the girl couldn't imagine how difficult it had been for the Dragonborn to get over all those nasty events. After that quick talk, the Archmage now understood why her best friend had decided to join the Legion as soon as he'd been provided with the chance.
After their heated discussion, Agda and Steinarius resumed reading in silence. The girl would often look at her friend, whereas the warrior seemingly ignored her; yet, the Archmage could tell that something was still bothering him.
Towards the end of that long afternoon, Steinarius let out a loud sigh. He ran his hand through his hair just like he did whenever he was worried, then he massaged his temples with his fingers. When he sighed again, Agda finally asked him what was wrong.
"I'm sorry for throwing away one of my last days with you, Agds", the man confessed her. "That discussion about the war really killed the mood and I'm afraid I won't have time to make up for it. J'zhargo and I are heading for the Reach in two days time".
When she found out about that, Agda immediately realized why Steinarius seemed so tired and sad.
"You don't want to leave", she said. It wasn't a question, but the Dragonborn nodded anyway.
"I never want to leave", he admitted with a humorless chuckle. "Especially not when you're bound to meet so many unpleasant people one after the other".
"You'll be meeting unpleasant people too. Delphine has missed you, though, so maybe she'll be kinder than usual".
Steinarius smiled at that, then he draped an arm around Agda's shoulders and pulled her towards him. She didn't protest and, when he buried his nose in her hair and let out a long sigh, she used one hand to kindly caress his face.
"If you hug me like this every time we meet, I may even learn how to ride and come visit you in the Reach", the mage joked when the man began stroking her back.
Steinarius giggled, then he let go of his friend. As he looked into Agda's deep brown eyes, the Dragonborn felt sorry for his previous outburst of rage; at the same time, however, he once again realized that the young woman was much tougher than she seemed.
Agda was a wise girl who had survived the tortures of the Thalmor and had faced the horrors of Labyrinthian; as a consequence, Steinarius was sure that Ulfric Stormcloak would have no way to work his spell on her.