It's been a hot second since I updated this story. But I am back with a different kind of chapter. Hanabi and the Konohamaru corps ain't showing up today but instead we get the fun addition of Kurotsuchi!
I had a lot of fun kind of memeing around this chapter and writing out the insults. I hope yall enjoy!
Naruto growled as he pulled a twig from his hair. A simple C-rank mission to escort a merchant to the borders of the land of fire turned topsy-turvy when nukenin Iwa shinobi thought Team 7 was an easy target. It got even worse when a sanctioned team of Iwa shinobi showed up to capture the nukenins. Naruto began to list many curses on the Sandiame's name. If there was anything that was a S.N.A.F.U. it was that.
Wiping the soot from his face, Naruto sighed when he heard some twigs crack behind him. Looking over his shoulder, Naruto scowled upon seeing an Iwa kunoichi that was apparently caught in the same stupidly large explosion that had sent him flying who knows how far away. The two teens stared at each other before the Iwa kunoichi took a deep breath.
Naruto sighed as a large cloud of ash engulfed him. The Iwa nin smirked as the cloud of ash erupted into a large fireball. Her joy was short-lived as several kunai flew out of the trees towards her.
"Aren't we supposed to be on the same side? With allies like you who needs enemies?" Naruto said stepping out from behind a tree along.
"Bastard, you took my mother from me!"
"I don't even know who you are."
The kunoichi roared as she charged towards Naruto. Naruto made a cross sign and the clearing was filled with smoke. The kunoichi skidded to a halt, coughing a little from the smoke. Her eyes were wide at the sheer amount of clones that filled the clearing. Before a wide bloodthirsty grin emerged on her face.
"Fine, you want to play that like you little bark sucker. Let me show you how adults play."
The kunoichi darted to one of the clones and dispelled in an instant. One by one she took them down. Yet, the wave never seemed to end. Just as the kunoichi scowled and was about to do another jutsu. A misstep found her ankle caught in a trap and she was pulled up. Before the Iwa nin could cut herself free, her kunai was kicked out of her hand.
A quick kunai cut off her supply bag and another pierced it to a tree behind her. The Iwa nin was about to cast another jutsu before getting a piece of paper slapped onto her face. What stopped her cold was exploding seal on it.
"Feel free to remove that one. It's a dud. The rest, however, are very much real," Naruto said with a bored careless tone.
The kunoichi instantly ripped apart the seal on her face but froze when she saw the strings of explosive seals that now filled the area. Looking up at her body, she realized that she was covered in countless seals.
"How did you…" The kunoichi asked with wide eyes.
"Trade secret," Naruto said with a grin. The kunoichi glared at Naruto and he could see the smoldering hatred behind her nearly black eyes.
"So, tree fucker, what are you going to do to me? Kill me? Have your way with me?" The kunoichi asked snarling.
"I would prefer to release you so we can return to our teams and complete our missions." Naruto twirled a kunai, "but how do I know you wouldn't stab me in the back?"
The kunoichi was silent, glaring at the smirking shinobi before her.
"What do you want? Me to promise I spread my legs for you the minute you free me?"
"Are you a pervert or something? You seem kinda desperate here." Naruto asked raising an eyebrow. "And no, give me your word that you won't try to kill me and I'll release you."
If the kunoichi's look could kill then Naruto would have dropped dead ten times over. Naruto stood unfazed as he pretended to file his nails on the kunai.
"Fine, I, Kurotsuchi, swear that I will not attack or attempt to kill you if you release me." Kurotsuchi spat out as Naruto smirked and threw his kunai up to cut the rope. All of the seals poofed into smoke as Kurotsuchi waved an arm trying to clear it. "You stump humpers and your stupid tricks. I bet you are so smug right now having a helpless girl at your whim, you stick fucker."
"Damn, you okay there you uke? Maybe I should leave for a bit. You seem you got some frustrations to work out. Just play with a kunai or something, I got a dull one if that's your thing." Naruto said backing away slowly while holding up a kunai. Though the fox-like smile made it clear Naruto was enjoying messing with Kurotsuchi.
Kurotsuchi eyes twitched as she began to curse out Naruto under her breath. Besides that, she just jumped away. Naruto followed after her. For several minutes, they traveled in silence.
The faint whistle caused both to dive towards the forest floor. In the space above them, a large explosion destroyed the treetops.
Several more kunai came flying at them, explosive tags trailing after them. Kurotsuchi managed to jump away but Naruto was engulfed by the explosion.
"Dammit tree hugger, good for nothing fodder," Kurotsuchi said muttering to herself.
"Hahaha, you miserable genins should have never tried to mess with the big dogs." A lone shinobi walks out from behind a tree. He wore a cruel grin and had wild eyes. His head bad had Iwa's symbol and a slash right through it. "I'm going to have fun breaking you, Tsuchikage's precious granddau-"
The nukenin was interrupted by a harpoon that pierced him, by the many many harpoons that pierced him. With a bloody gargle, the nukenin took in his last breath before slumping forward. The harpoons poofed into smoke clouds as Naruto began looting the corpse.
"You're not dead!" Kurotsuchi said.
"Good fake out huh, didn't think he would be that much of a fool to lower his guard though," Naruto said before tossing Kurotsuchi a few scrolls.
Examining them in her hand, the Iwa kunoichi found them to be earth-style techniques.
"You're just giving these up?"
"Those look too high level for me to even bother to try. I struggle with earth jutsus anyways. They probably help you out more than me." Naruto clapped his hands as he stood away from the body. "Let's get out of here before any more of his friends comes and find us."
Kurotsuchi said nothing but nodded. Once more the two were off. While they traveled in silence, the atmosphere was far calmer than before.
000
The sky was bright orange as Naruto and Kurotsuchi sat before a campfire cooking fish. By some terrible luck, the explosion ended up sending the teens a long way away from their teams. As the teens were eating, Naruto decided to risk a question.
"Kurotsuchi, what is a basic earth chakra training that you did?"
Kurotsuchi blinked before furrowing her brows.
"Why do you want to know? And why should I even think about helping you?"
"I got a student back home that has an earth nature and I want to help them. As for why, shouldn't a master of the earth like you be willing to spread your knowledge?"
"Flattery will get you nowhere," Kurotsuchi said with a deadpan face, "and you have a student? Who would wish to be taught by you?"
Naruto scratched his cheeks, "Just a bunch of academy students that look up to me and stuff. I just want to help them become kickass shinobi."
"And I should care why? You and they are my enemies."
"Yeah, maybe right now. But what if that changed? What if we became allies? Then wouldn't it be a good thing to help strengthen your allies so you know they got your back?"
"Only fools trust a sapling sucker like you."
Naruto's eye twitched, "Fine how about a bet? I take you out in one move and you help me?"
"HA! As if you could! You're on leafing ass wipe." Kurotsuchi was grinning like a madman. "And if you lose you got to surrender to me!"
"Sure thing!" Naruto said smirking. "Are you ready now?"
"Give me your best!"
"Reverse Harem no jutsu: Uke's wet dream!"
In a poof of smoke, large men with bulging muscles stood before Kurotsuchi. Her eyes traced along muscles that seemed to have been carved from stone. She had a hard time looking away from the tight spandex that hugged their waist. The light blush turned into a full-body flush as at the sound of a wipe cracking. Looking up to their hands, the men carried whips, paddles, cuffs, and many many more toys.
Kurotsuchi sat there for about five long seconds before she was blown back by a nose bleed. A dopey smile on her face.
Naruto was grinning at his easy victory as he released his jutsu.
"Sometimes it's just too easy," Naruto said before cackling.
It didn't take long for Kurotsuchi to return from her daydreams. As she wiped the blood away she glared at Naruto.
"That was a dirty move," Kurotsuchi grumbled as she sat up, "but I don't want anyone to say I am not a ninja of my word."
Running through hand signs, Kurotsuchi turned a part of the ground before them into sand. Picking a handful of sand, Kurotsuchi began to mold the sand into a ball. She began to morph it into different shapes from swords, symbols, to even people. Naruto was impressed by the likeness of himself she created. He was less impressed when she made it hump a tree. Not that Kurotsuchi cared as she made mini-Naruto do a bunch of other vulgar acts. Though annoyed, Naruto had to admit that Kurotsuchi knew earth chakra quite thoroughly and had plenty of tips for advanced stuff as well.
Finishing the notes of Kurotsuchi's lecture, Naruto found an eager kunoichi right up in his face.
"Teach me that jutsu you used."
"Oh HELL NO! That jutsu is one of my own invention! I ain't about to give my most powerful jutsu to just anyone." Naruto crossed his arms while putting his nose in the air.
"What about giving your jutsu to the future Tsuchikage? I am sure that will win you lots of favors in the future?" Kurotsuchi put her hands on the hip-looking as if Naruto would begin to prostrate himself before her.
Naruto paused for a moment considering it, his head tilted to the side as he stared at her.
"You know what, having the favor of the Tsuchikage would be very good when I'm Hokage."
"You? Hokage? Pigs would fly before then," Kurotsuchi said doubling over laughing.
"Yeah? And who'd you lose to again? Hmm, uke?" Naruto's snark instantly shut Kurotsuchi up.
She scowled before she held out her hand, "Fine, do we have a deal Hokage?"
"Yes we do, Tsuchikage." The two shared malicious grins as they shook hands. Well more like them trying to squeeze the other's hand to paste.
"You know what, of all the stick lovers there is, you're the only one I respect."
"For a rock grinder, you're pretty cool. I look forward to working with you."
The two shared a laugh before finally releasing each other's hands.
It didn't take long for the two to get busy working on the sexy jutsu. Naruto was enjoying ribbing Kurostuchi about basic seduction techniques she just didn't get.
"Ugg, why are you so good at this you perv," Kurotsuchi said as she flopped on her back. Her currently long and wavy green hair splayed across the ground like a halo. Her new assets bouncing around.
Naruto just shrugged, "I spent a lot of time around the red light district. Had a small hideout on a rooftop and I just people watched from there. Though I'm surprised you're this bad at it."
"Excuse me for being more interested in kicking ass than dolling myself up," Kurostuchi said as she released the jutsu. "Not that anyone would be interested in a body like mine."
"Don't say that. You're just as beautiful as any woman with fat cow tits. You just have your own special tomboy charm." Naruto's eye's trailed down to her legs. "Any man that can't appreciate those legs and ass doesn't deserve your time."
"You pervy midget," Kurotsuchi laughed as she sat up. Her face was red though Naruto could not tell if it was from embarrassment or laughter. "Thanks though. Besides family, I don't think anyone would dare talk to me as frank as you. I certainly couldn't talk to my gramps or dad about stuff like this either."
"Yeah, I get that. I'm happy to lend you an ear. It's more than I ever had," Naruto mumbled the last part but Kurotsuchi still heard it.
"Don't you have people you can talk to about personal stuff?"
Naruto stood still for a second before slowly lowering himself to the ground, taking a seat next to Kurotsuchi. He stared off into the distance. His lips were pressed tight into a thin line.
"I… I did not have anyone. Not until recently. For the longest time, I've always been alone. I'm an orphan." Kurotsuchi took in a sharp breath in but stayed silent as Naruto continued. "I'm kinda jealous that you have your dad and gramps. Those that I look up to like that are kinda recent. Can talk about some things but not others, you know? Except for my students, they're what I imagine having younger siblings is like. They know I can talk to them about anything."
Kurotsuchi was quiet for a second before she started to laugh. Naruto watched her with a bewildered expression as she calmed down.
"It's funny how it's easier to talk to you, someone younger than me, and how you have the same problems as me," Kurotsuchi chuckled a little along with Naruto.
"The world works in strange ways, huh?" Naruto said before standing up. "Shall we head out now? I think you can handle the rest of the jutsu without issue."
"Yeah, we kept our teammates waiting long enough." Kurotsuchi stood up stretching her arms above her head. "Let's get a move on pervy midget, you first otherwise you'll be too busy ogling my ass."
"I have you know I'm a professional. I keep ass ogling for after the mission." Naruto said jumping ahead into the trees.
"So what I'm hearing is you want to get this mission done so you can ogle my ass."
"Not everyone has their brain in the gutter all the time like you, you damn uke."
"I'm not hearing a denial~"
And so the two traveled. Their banter and laughter only ended when night began to fall. But still, they traded insults using hand signals. No matter what they said, they had a smile on their face.
000
It was late at night when Naruto and Kurotsuchi managed to close in on their teams. How did they know? By the loud explosions and blatant destructions that lead to them. Lightning, fire, and giant stone pillars littered the forest.
"Sometimes I wonder if we're ninjas are just fucking wizards of mass destruction." Naruto sweatdropped as the two jumped back to the ground.
"I hate that you're right," Kurotsuchi scanned the charred battlefield before tapping Naruto's shoulder, "let's get moving. I see nothing here."
Naruto simply nodded and ran through the forest weaving through the trees.
It did not take the two long to reach the battlefield. Kakashi was busy fighting off about four nukenins while Kurotushi's three teammates were handling one each.
"Can you help with those four while I free your teammates?" Naruto asked crossing his fingers.
Kurotsuchi smirked, "Fighting alongside the famed copy-cat nin. Never thought I see the day." With that Kurotsuchi dashed off, her hands quickly going through hand signs before she released a large cloud of smoke.
Naruto rolled his eyes at her flashy entrance as a large cloud of smoke surrounded him. Darting out of the smoke a literal army of clones descended upon the unsuspecting nukenins. Their screams of terror as a wave of orange crushed them made Naruto smirk.
"Damn, I thought they be harder," Naruto rubbed a finger underneath his nose, "what a bunch of chumps."
"Why is a Konoha brat helping us?" A gruff Iwa nin asked as they beheaded a corpse.
Naruto just shrugged, "The enemy of my enemy is my friend and other bullshit like that. Real answer is that Kurotsuchi likes shit-talking about yall and I'd be a bad friend if I kept her from being able to."
One of the other Iwa nins burst out laughing as others grumbled. Giving them one last cheeky grin, Naruto darted off towards his sensei and friend.
Kurotsuchi had one nukenin fighting on the defensive and he could see she would overwhelm the deserter soon enough. Naruto turned his attention to the shinobis still fighting Kakashi. With a close to feral growl, Naruto targeted the Iwa nin with a shaggy beard that's full of burnt splotches.
"Naruto!" Kakashi said before being forced to focus on the heavily scarred nukenin.
"I got this sensei, take care of your bastard and then we can fuck up this bitch," Naruo said as he dodge a thunderbolt. "Oh, bitch here likes to get shocked. Kinky."
"I'm going to turn you extra crispy you knock off Yellow Flash!" the Iwa nin yelled.
Naruto blinked in confusion but was forced to dodge as bolts of lightning. As Naruto focused on not being turned to a crisp, a loud scream broke his concentration. In the corner of his eye he saw Kurotsuchi on the ground as blood pooled started to pool around her. The fear in her eyes made Naruto's heart clench.
"Take my power, and kill them for hurting what is yours," a gravelly voice whispered to Naruto.
"Fuck off," Naruto said as he gritted his teeth. In a burst of smoke, hundreds of clones appeared once more.
One of them managed to switch places with Kurotsuchi getting her out of the way of a stone spear. She was delivered to her teammates who began to treat and guard her. While that was happening, half of the clones were busy trying to tag the bearded Iwa nin with explosive tags. Even if they didn't land, the clones were setting them off regardless filling the clearing with plenty of explosions.
Naruto focused his attention onto the nukenin that almost killed Kurotsuchi. The nukenin stood before him with a sultry smile on her lips. As she looked at Naruto with half-lidded eyes, Naruto could only scoff at the game she was trying to play.
"Oh ho ho, a little boy thinks he can handle me? Maybe if you impress me, I'll keep you around as my boytoy." The nukenin licked her lips as she leaned forward showing off a hint of her cleavage.
"Is there something about Iwa kunoichi always being massive perverts? Like, I'm two for two right now and I doubt that's a good image for Iwa." Naruto picked his ears as he gave the nukenin a disinterested look. "Even then, I doubt a hag like you would be much fun."
A vein popped out from the nukenin's face as her posture switch to a fighting stance.
"Did you just call me a HAG!" the kunoichi growled and launched herself towards Naruto who was standing around uncaring.
It's been a hot second since I updated this story. But I am back with a different kind of chapter. Hanabi and the Konohamaru corps ain't showing up today but instead we get the fun addition of Kurotsuchi!
I had a lot of fun kind of memeing around this chapter and writing out the insults. I hope yall enjoy!
"I don't have to explain anything to a corpse." Naruto smirked as he disappeared. In his place was a clone absolutely covered in explosive tags. The clone had a feral grin as he lept at the kunoichi who tried to leap back. But it was for naught as another clone caught her in his arms from behind. The sizzling sounds from both clones made it clear her fate.
The force of the explosion shook the clearing, in that split second, the other Iwa nins dropped their guards. Naruto capitalized on that by having clones switch out with all the nukenin and having them be stabbed impaled by a bunch of swords, spears, and any number of pointy objects. Naruto could only roll his eyes at the candelabra that was made to be extra pointy and was now sticking out of one of the nukenin's chest. As little bits of flesh and blood rained down on the clearing, Naruto turned to Kakashi who was staring at Naruto with wide eyes.
Before Kakashi could say anything Sasuke and Sakura barreled into the clearing with a tied up body of some nukenin. Sasuke dropped the body on the ground without a care before smirking a little upon seeing Naruto.
"Dobe, getting in everyone's way still?" Sasuke said only to scowl as Naruto ignored him.
Taking slow measured steps, Naruto walked over to Kurotsuchi. The other Iwa shinobi let him pass without issue, but he could see them eyeing him. He paid them no mind as he crouched down next to Kurotsuchi who was peering at him past heavy lids.
"Hey sap sucker," Kurotuschi said in a breathy voice, "you kick some ass out there?"
"Don't you know it uke." Naruto paused as he wiped some dirt from her face. "You going to be alright?"
"Have you become so enamored by me that you're worrying over me? Should I be scared for my chastity?"
Naruto snorted, "You talk too much for someone who got stabbed in the stomach. Take it easy, yeah? Don't want the greatest Tsuchikage passing out on me like a chump."
"Okay, Hokage." Kurotsuchi smiled before she waved down one of her teammates. "I don't want to hear a word against him. Or I will string you up by your balls, clear?"
The psychotic smile she wore caused the other three Iwa shinobi to shiver before nodding their heads.
Naruto looked around to see Kakashi giving him an eye smile and his teammates scowling at him. With a sigh, Naruto bade Kurotsuchi goodbye as he made his way to his squad.
Sasuke and Sakura both looked like they wanted to say something. Probably about fraternizing with the enemy but both simply turned away and hopped back through the trees.
"Sensei?" Naruto asked as Kakashi patted his shoulder.
"You did well Naruto. Let's go complete our own mission now." With that Kakashi jumped off towards his other genins.
Naruto turned around and caught Kurotsuchi's eye. He gave her one last cheeky smile before he crossed fingers.
"Harem Jutsu!"
Kurotsuchi was crying as she was laughing trying and failing not hurt her stomach even more. Her teammates had fainted with large trails of blood dripping down their faces. Naruto cackled as he released the justsu and jumped into the forest.
Once Kurotsuchi calmed down, she found a scroll sitting next to her. Seeing her teammates still daydreaming, Kurotsuchi opened the letter. She could not stop the small tear that rolled down her cheek as she read the letter that Naruto left.
"That boy," Kurotsuchi said as she stashed the letter away and gave the bag a tap. She stared up towards the clear sky, looking forward to meeting the blond shinobi once more.
Naruto's skill with talk-no-jutsu is just unstoppable. Making friends where ever he goes. Causing chaos and shit talking whomever he pleases.
I dunno when the next chapter will be or over what, but I do have some ideas bouncing around my notes. So hopefully it will be soon. Maybe not, college is kicking my ass hard.
Sincere shout to all those who reviewed the last chapter. It means the world to me that yall did. I appreciate every idea and grammatical correction given. Thank you for being the motivation to keep writing this story.
Avidnarutofan, I appreciate you taking the time to review every time, means the world. I really enjoyed your ideas for the advance elemental manipulation. And I am keeping that mission idea tucked away for later date. You're also right about Udon, I want to give him something that will make him stand out as his own character. Few ideas so far but I let it be a surprise.
Anyways, have a good day!
PK OUT!