My dear readers,
here I am with a new instalment. It was good to be back after my writer's block - and it was even better to know that you are putting up with my delays and are still reading my story. Your support means a lot to me!
It was great for me to be back - and it was even greater to read your kind remarks on my story.
As for MeanE, I must admit that your reviews always make me laugh out loud. I missed your witty comments! And yes, luckily enough Vigdis is there to save Agda and Stein every time they get into troubles.
I was very glad to read from Shipperoftrashyships too. Glad you enjoyed the small Agda/Aburius and Agda /Vigdis dialogues!
As for Valtieri, I loved your two reviews. Yes, Stein's mother *may* have a heart of gold. Actually, I think she'd make a great couple with Agda's mother! Also, glad you now consider Vigdis to be trustworty. And yes, all the titles of my chapter are references to songs, especially by Muse!
Last but not least, a huge thank you to Elspeth: Agsarius had me laugh so hard, it sounds like the name of a dinosaur! Agdstein, as you already suggested, is probably a better option ;)
This is a bridge-chapter where we see the troubles that affect poor Steinarius from up-close. Fasten your seatbelt, because from the next instalment things will be moving at a much more hectic pace!
Thank you for reading and enjoy!
20th of Hearthfire, 4E 204
Steinarius was enjoying a beautiful summer evening on the shores of Lake Ilinalta. A soft breeze was blowing from the mountains, whereas birds were singing from the nearby trees. Smiling, the man laid down on a rock and closed his eyes. He had spent the whole day working at the forge of his newly built house and was looking forward to spending a peaceful night in his comfortable manor.
There was the soft shuffling of bare feet on fresh grass and Steinarius' eyes immediately snapped open. The man looked to his right, then he fondly smiled when he noticed that Agda was approaching. His wife looked absolutely stunning in her favourite white dress.
"Dinner's ready", she proudly announced as she sat down next to Steinarius. "I cooked Horker Stew just for you, honey. You did have a hard day at the house, hitting things with a hammer and helping our Steward with the new horse".
Steinarius chuckled at that description of his daily tasks, then he took Agda's hand in his.
"And you had a stressful day in Riverwood, helping Adaeze with her kid and looking after Dagmar at the same time".
Agda shrugged at that.
"Luckily for me, the kids aren't much trouble. Adaeze' son is just like her husband: he sleeps, smiles, eats and never complains. He's even sweeter than Hadvar! Dagmar, instead, played for the whole afternoon with the new doll you gave her. Now she's sleeping like a log under Lydia's watch".
Steinarius grinned, then he jokefully blinked his eye at Agda.
"You know, our little girl is lucky to have a father like me: not all Imperials are that good at building toys for their daughters".
"And you are lucky to have a woman like me", Agda cheekily replied. "Not all Nords spend their days looking after their children and cooking for their husbands".
"I am a lucky man indeed", the Dragonborn affectionately admitted. "And speaking of luck... it would be too much to ask you to bring me a bowl of stew here on the shore, wouldn't it? I love spending time here after a hard day at the forge. And besides, since Dagmar is asleep and you are looking incredibly hot and lovely and beautiful..."
Agda scoffed at the light suggestion Steinarius had just made.
"Stein, if you want me to get undressed in the least private place of Skyrim, with hunters passing by every two seconds, you are damn well wr..."
By the time Agda could finish the sentence, Steinarius had already sat up and captured her lips in a passionate kiss. The mage tried to protest, but eventually she gave in and sagged in the arms of her husband. They made love calmly, sweetly, reveling in the close contact of their bodies and enjoying the time they could spend together while their daughter was asleep. Steinarius caressed the stretch marks on Agda's belly, while the mage traced the lines of the scars left by Alduin during the final battle between them. A few minutes later, the two of them fell asleep, the moon shining over their bodies and the waters of the lake lulling them with their voice.
Steinarius awoke two hours later to the smell of burnt wood. He blinked twice in the attempt of taking in his surroundings, then he remembered falling asleep by the lake together with Agda. Now the mage was nowhere to be seen and thick smoke was rising from a hidden point in the forest. As soon as he realized that, the Dragonborn felt a cold shiver run down his spine: his house - the same house where his daughter was asleep - had seemingly caught fire.
Running like mad, the man abandoned the shores of the lake and tried to reach his manor. His horses were neighing in despair, whereas Lydia was looking at the burning building, her eyes full of tears and her face as pale as a ghost's.
"Where is Dagmar?", Steinarius screamed while approaching the woman. "Lydia, where is my daughter? And where is my wife?"
The huskarl shook her head, then she burst into a desperate cry.
"I couldn't save her, Steinarius!", she shouted. "I just couldn't! When Agda set the house on fire, I barely made it out with my life!"
For a moment, Steinarius thought he had misheard the words.
"Agda? Lydia, what are you talking about?"
The huskarl shook her head again, then spoke between her sobs.
"It was Agda, Stein", she said, tears running down her face. "She turned up in Dagmar's room and..."
Before Lydia could finish the sentence, a figure emerged from the woods.
"Are you talking about me, dear?"
Surprised by the sudden appearance of his wife, Steinarius turned to look at her. He expected Agda to look as terrified as him, to be desperate about the fire devouring their house, to bring news about the fate of their daughter; instead the mage looked at him with an evil smile and chuckled.
"You really think you can be happy Steinarius, don't you?", she asked, her voice cold and detached. "Well, sorry to break it to you, honey, but here's the truth: as long as you live, you will never be happy. You don't deserve it".
And with those words, the woman cast a powerful spell that hit Steinarius right in the chest. As he fell to the ground, the Dragonborn heard Agda's laughter and could only think of one thing.
His happiness was nothing but a lie.
With an incredible effort, Steinarius finally managed to come to. He was welcomed by darkness and pain, just like the time before and the time before that. Grimacing, the Imperial tried to ignore the sour taste of healing potions that still lingered in his mouth and to focus on his surroundings. Surprised by the lack of light, the man closed and opened his eyes multiple times in order to understand whether his sight was still troubled by the damages caused by his attackers; it took him a few seconds, but eventually Steinarius noticed a small candle on the top of a shelf - and as he did, he almost sighed in relief: his eyes had finally started working again despite the strong concussion he had suffered.
Feeling better because of that discovery, the man tried to turn his head in order to take in his surroundings. Sadly for him, a strong jolt of pain immediately radiated from his collarbone and tormented his sore ribs, his broken wrists, his burnt torso and his shattered legs. When Steinarius grimaced at the sensation, the pain exploded again, this time reminding him of his mutilated ear and of the fractured bones in his eye sockets, in his cheekbones, in his jaw.
When the second wave of pain was over, the Dragonborn was left motionless on his bed, his lungs wheezing painfully while he tried hard to keep as still as possible, all while ignoring the pain that was about to drive him crazy.
If I don't receive any help...
As soon as that thought started to form in his mind, Steinarius heard a chair scratch the wooden floor of the Temple of Kynareth. Someone carefully walked up to him, their movements slow and cautious in order to avoid unnecessary noise that could worsen the Dragonborn's headache. When Steinarius dared look at his helper, he was surprised to recognize Agda. The mage seemed to have aged a lot during the previous few days, but she was wearing a sweet and affectionate smile. Nonetheless, Steinarius felt a tingle of nervousness when he understood who his helper was.
My nightmares are not real, he repeated to himself in the weak attempt to overcome his fear. Agda is here to help me. She is not the evil creature from my dreams - she loves me and she would never hurt me.
Despite those thoughts, the Imperial felt a cold shiver run down his spine as soon as Agda approached him and brushed his hair away from his forehead.
Whenever he was asleep, Steinarius would dream of a woman that strongly resembled Agda - and said woman always treated him tenderly before torturing him or killing him. The Dragonborn knew that Agda would never harm him; yet, that awareness couldn't prevent him from shivering in fear every time the young woman got close to him - and even in that moment, Steinarius had to fight hard to keep his composure and tolerate Agda's presence.
When the woman grabbed a potion, the Dragonborn carefully scanned her face. He remembered smithing a wedding ring for her while in Riften, then he remembered waking up in the Temple of Kynareth, the mage holding his hand and his parents fussing about his health and crying in relief as soon as he regained consciousness. Back then Steinarius wasn't troubled by the nightmares regarding Agda - on the contrary, he had wished to be close to her right after opening his eyes. The dreams had begun a few days later, after his mother had given him a special draught she had bought at the marketplace. Steinarius however found it hard to believe that the nightmares were connected to that vial - more likely, he thought them to be related to the tortures he had endured.
Shivering, Steinarius thought of the origins of his wounds. He knew he had been tortured - his mother had been kind enough to tell him right after he'd regained consciousness for the first time -, but he had no idea as to the identity of his attackers. Had Agda been among them? And if not, why was he having all those nightmares about her?
While the man was trying to answer those questions, tears of anger and pain filled his eyes. He had never felt so weak and powerless and confused - and the lack of clues regarding the origin of his problems was making the situation even worse.
Always the observant healer, Agda didn't miss the fact that her man was about to cry. Fearing the effects that the sobs might have on his ribs, the mage was quick to cast a calming spell. Steinarius whimpered in protest, but had to give in when the spell engulfed him. As the man closed his eyes in defeat, Agda broke the spell and laid a hand on his chest. Steinarius' breathing was regular, but the girl didn't miss the uneven rhythm of his heart and the sweat that already drenched his bandages. Something was worrying him - and it was up to her to find out what that something was.
In the attempt to calm her man, Agda shushed him and traced the line of his breastbone with the tip of her fingers. When Steinarius looked at her, the mage fought hard to keep her own tears under control. It was difficult to know that her loved one was in pain - and it was even more difficult to be unable to help him.
Stifling a sigh, Agda shushed her man once again, then gently caressed his forehead.
"You have regained your sight", she sweetly whispered in the attempt to help the Imperial focus on something different from his pain.
Agda had expected Steinarius to nod, to smile, to say something in reply to her remark. Instead, the man just turned his head to the right and started crying in silence - and at that point, Agda understood that the Thalmor had broken something more than just his body.
The days in the Temple of Kynareth were riddled with boredom and pain. Dozens of healers fussed relentlessly over the Dragonborn, whereas dozens of strangers waited for news outside the walls of the infirmary. Danica considered Steinarius too weak to bear any visit - and for this reason, the only people allowed in his room were Agda, Jarl Balgruuf and his parents. Agda didn't like the way Lucretia forced her son to gulp potions of every kind, but she had to admit something important: when he was with his mother, Steinarius never cried. Also, he looked slightly more relaxed than usual.
One night, the Dragonborn woke from a nightmare while the mage was the only one inside the room. For a moment, Agda was unsure on what to do. Her pride prevented her from fetching Lucretia; yet, she knew Steinarius usually felt better when his mother was with him. Before she could decide what to do next, the mage noticed that the Dragonborn was doing worse than usual: he seemed to have problems breathing and his chest was rising and falling too rapidly for her liking.
With no hesitation, Agda reached her man's bedside and laid a hand on his heart. Steinarius was trembling and the girl was quick to understand that he was having problems with the last residues of poison running through his veins. As soon as she noticed that, the girl was quick to grab a potion and approach her man.
Using all her strength, Agda helped the Dragonborn sit up, then she gently tilted his head and brought the vial to his lips. Noticing that the liquid was making the pain disappear, Steinarius tried to gulp the whole potion at once. Agda, however, was quick to take the beverage away.
"Easy", she whispered, a concerned look in her eyes as she tried to convince her man drink in small, careful sips. "I know you want the pain to fade, but you have to drink the potion slowly, otherwise you'll have troubles keeping it down".
To Agda' surprise, Steinarius obeyed. She waited for him to drink the potion to the last drop, then she gently helped him lay down again. The man's breathing was already much calmer, just like his heartbeat and his expression. Agda sighed: luckily enough, she had solved Steinarius' problems on her own. Relieved, the mage made to caress his cheek, but was taken aback by the scared look the man gave her. Steinarius seemed terrified of her - and when she noticed that, Agda felt her heart break into pieces. At the same time, she felt the need to leave the Temple of Kynareth once and for all.
For some reason, her man was afraid of her.
When the pain became bearable, Steinarius finally found the strength to look around. Agda was standing close to him, her face full of worry and her hands clutching nervously the empty potion the Dragonborn had just drunk. For a moment, the Dragonborn was reminded of his last nightmare, a nightmare where Agda had placed a dagger in his heart right after making love to him. The fear he felt at that memory probably showed on his face, as Agda suddenly paled and made to leave. When Steinarius noticed the hurt look in Agda's eyes, he innerly cringed; at the same time, he felt the need to have her near him. His woman looked weak and tired and frail and he just couldn't allow some stupid nightmares to worsen her situation.
As soon as Agda headed for the door, Steinarius gathered all his strength and made to speak.
"Agds".
The word came out ragged and low, but it was enough for Agda to stop.
"Please. Stand... stand by me".
Agda was surprised by that request; yet, when her brown eyes met Steinarius', the mage was overwhelmed by the pain she saw in them and immediately returned to his bedside.
"I'm here", she whispered. "I'm here, Stein".
Steinarius nodded at those words, then he grimaced at the pain in his ribs.
"Are you... Are you feeling better?"
Steinarius felt the need to chuckle at that question, but he thought better of it when he remembered about his broken ribs. Rather than answering Agda, the man tried to find out more about the attack he had suffered.
"My torturers... who did this to me?"
Agda shook her head at the question. It was the first time Steinarius was in the mood to talk and the mage knew he probably wanted to ask her a lot of things about his current state; yet, she deemed it premature to tell him everything she knew about the Thalmor and their plans to kill him.
"The Companions are looking into what happened, but so far they haven't got any answer as to the identity of your torturers".
Steinarius was surprised by the way Agda avoided his gaze while replying to his question. Frowning, he decided to press the matter to find out more about why he was suffering so much.
"What is... your opinion?", he asked, his jaw hurting madly with every word he uttered. "Who... did it?"
This time Agda did not hesitate.
"You were tortured by someone who doesn't care about the fate of Skyrim; someone who wants chaos to overrun this land and who is only interested in power; someone... someone who hates you and wants you dead at all costs".
Steinarius furrowed his brow. He had been surprised by Agda's words, just like he had been surprised by the raw pain in her voice as she uttered them.
"Where... where were you... when it... happened?"
Steinarius knew that his question sounded like an accusation, but he needed to know more in order to find a reason for his nightmares. Luckily for him, Agda replied immediately.
"Winterhold", she said in a whisper. "I left you here all alone even though I knew that evil people wanted to harm you. I understand why you feel nervous when you're with me: I was a selfish bastard and..."
All of a sudden, Agda's voice broke. The mage covered her mouth with her hands, but she couldn't avoid bursting into tears.
"It's all my fault", she whispered despite the sobs that were wracking her shoulders. "You have been beaten and tortured and poisoned, and it's all my fault".
As Agda's cry became more intense, Steinarius felt ashamed for thinking that she might have been involved with her torturers. The poor girl couldn't know that someone would have tortured him, yet she considered herself guilty for everything he had been through. Confronted with her tears, Steinarius felt the wish to gather her in his arms and shower her in kisses.
"You couldn't know, Agds", he said while trying to steady his voice. "It is... it is not your fault".
Agda shook her head and ignored Steinarius' attempts at calming her down. She felt utterly stupid in that moment: not only had she caused her man to be tortured - she was also forcing him to comfort her despite his current conditions.
Realizing that he could not stop Agda's tears, Steinarius remained silent until the woman finally stopped crying. As she did, he made an effort to take her hand into his and squeeze it. Also, he understood that he couldn't allow his nightmares to ruin his life.
"It's okay", he whispered. "It's okay. And Agds, listen... before being tortured, I... I went to Riften. There is something... something I wanted to ask you. I...".
Agda unexpectedly shook her head at that, then she sobbed again.
"Don't", she said. "Just... don't. I don't deserve you".
Steinarius was surprised by that harsh reaction; yet, he realized that that probably wasn't the best moment to ask Agda to marry him. For that reason he decided to drop the subject.
"Ok then. You know, I'm... I'm feeling tired", he said after a short moment of silence. "I... Would you... Would you maybe cuddle me?"
Agda was surprised by that harsh change of topic - and she was even more surprised by Steinarius' request. Yet, she was quick to offer her help.
Carefully and gently, Agda began caressing Steinarius' hair. The man usually adored lying in bed while Agda threaded her fingers through his hair, just like he loved it when she traced the scars on his chest or when she massaged his shoulders - and even in his conditions, after a few seconds of those slow ministrations Steinarius closed his eyes and sighed in content.
Agda continued to caress him for what felt like years. She let her fingertips run freely over Steinarius' cheekbones, his forehead, his shoulders and his arms; she caressed his chest, then she peppered his neck, his collarbone and his jaw in small, adoring kisses. The man smiled at that, then he let out a pleased groan.
"I could stay like this forever", he confessed without opening his eyes.
Surprised by how relaxed Steinarius looked, Agda tried to discover why he often looked scared when he was alone with her.
"You know you are safe with me, don't you?"
Agda tried to ask that question in a casual way, but she knew she'd failed when her voice quivered. Feeling the wish to reassure her, Steinarius opened his eyes and looked at her.
"Agda of Anvil: I love you more than anyone else in this world", he whispered. "I love you and I feel safe whenever I'm with you. My nightmares... my nightmares will not ruin our relationship".
Frowning, Agda asked what Steinarius meant.
"I've been having nightmares since I was tortured", he finally explained. "They... they often involve you, which is why I often look scared when you're with me. By the way they're just nightmares, nothing to worry about".
Agda frowned at that and made to object. Steinarius, however, was quick to stop her.
"I... I really like it when you caress my hair", he said, his lips curving into a sheepish smile. "Would you... would you mind doing that again?"
Surprised by that unexpected request, Agda was quick to obey. She smiled when Steinarius let out a pleased mewl, and she smiled even more when he finally relaxed and fell asleep again.
Confronted with his peaceful expression, Agda felt slightly better: it was her fault that Steinarius had been tortured, but it was thanks to her that he was slowly feeling like himself again.