Chapter Thirteen: A Bitter Taste
Sarah drove the two on their way back to Ethan's house. Benny and her devised a plan that involved the dance to save their school from a deadly heart disease. Occasionally, Ethan would put in his two cents worth, not adding much though as he mostly complained. He knew the right thing to do was the reverse the spell. Every once of his peers depended on his participation. But it was agonizing to come to terms with. He'd wonder what he owed to everyone anyway. Still, their lives rested in his hands and he could never live with himself knowing they died because he was too selfish to lift the spell.
Their fanged friend dropped the boys off, Benny decided he would walk home as his house was opposite of Sarah's. Ethan stared at the concrete, detailing the small cracks in the foundation that in the summer was filled with ants and saw the light frost take their place. Outside was cold and inside wasn't any better. He felt frigid and isolated from the world without Benny in his heart.
Benny, on the other hand, was glad this was all coming to an end. After he dressed up a little for the ladies at the dance, he'd fix the spell and hit on chicks! It was a win-win for him, even though he had to spend some of his dancing time reversing a spell.
"This has been one adventure huh?" Benny said as he readied himself to departure from his friend's place.
"You could say that," Ethan said sharply, still focused on the ground. Eyes were the window to the soul and he didn't want Benny near his true feelings. Instead he built up a strong wall that was safe from invaders.
"Welp, goodnight dude," Benny said, ignoring Ethan's tone, though he was quizzical.
"Sure, if that's what you want to call it," Ethan snapped back.
"Okay, what is with you? Ever since we left school, you've been acting funny," Benny couldn't take it anymore. He felt uncomfortable with Ethan's flirting, but it was better than enduring this harshness he was receiving. Conflict wasn't fun. And it was so rare of them to argue that he didn't know how to handle Ethan's nastiness.
"I know you've been pretending to love me. You're a phony! You are a dishonor to Yoda!" Ethan's volcano had erupted from hours of accumulating lava. Why should he be silent when he was being mistreated? No one should have to stand for such manipulation, in particular to those you loved especially! He didn't deserve the way Benny was behaving towards him.
"Woah woah, hold up! Yoda would be honored to have me as a young Jedi!" Benny was dismayed at the way Ethan was speaking to him, now resulting to insults? This was definitely not Ethan. This was the voice of a hurt boyfriend, one which Benny didn't have.
"Oh my gosh! You are unbelievable," Ethan said, looking up at him and crossing his arms. It was so disgusting to him that Benny wasn't considering his side of things. If Ethan's feet weren't bigger, he'd take off his shoes right now and have Benny wear them. A spell for opening minds should be one he looked into. The gaul Benny had to focus on something so minuscule made him feel as if he were diminishing the actual issue at hand.
"I'm unbelievable? You're the one under a spell. Face it Ethan, this is all a lie. You're the biggest sham here," Benny was not having any of this! He was used to the name calling from kids at school, but Ethan had never called him a name. That was one of the reasons their friendship was so strong, there wasn't judgement. At times, yes, Ethan would warn Benny when he was about to do something stupid. His best interest was at heart though, not to just ridicule him. Now, he felt like he was being jabbed at with no good reason.
"Right! Just like everything else in this town. You know what I think?" Ethan said, ready to let him have more of a piece of his mind without mercy. He was too angry to think, too hurt to hold back, and too disappointed to care.
"What? What do you think princess?" Benny said in a snarky tone, this time crossing his arms and glaring at his "friend".
"I think you're scared! You're scared of what your real feelings are, so you're avoiding them by pushing me away," Ethan declared. He wasn't positive his statement was true, but he wished it was. Then they could kiss and make up after a silly argument. This would all be over with.
"Ethan! Get it through your thick Mario shaped head; I'm not into you that way!" Benny had enough. He was done pretending to be in this relationship. There wasn't any point to it since they were fixing this by tonight and Ethan was starting to get on his nerves. The piles of stress was making him more irritable and presently he wanted to smash something with all of this pent up tribulation. Spell Ethan deserved the truth.
"Why not?!" Ethan asked, his windows beginning to well with water at the bottom as he blearily looked at his lanky lover.
"Because I like girls!" Benny stated matter of factly, as if it were the most obvious thing in the entire world next to saying the sky was blue.
During this whole endeavor, no doubts entered his mind. Girls were what he was attracted to. They had soft skin and cute lips. Guys were hairy and masculine. Even if he tried to like a guy, he just couldn't. Don't get him wrong, he never had a thing against guys liking other guys, it just wasn't his thing. He also didn't like broccoli, but he didn't judge others for liking broccoli. That was the same concept he rationalized.
"I'm better than any girl you'll get," Ethan said. In certainty, he was. They both had the same interests, agreed on the same things, liked the same foods, and knew almost everything about each other. They were the perfect match!
"Yeah, except for the fact that you're not one! You're you and that will never change!" Benny shouted. He didn't know why he was so angry, but he was.
"Then why lie all those times? Why would you lead me on like that?" Ethan asked, sounding even more hurt than before. His heart was being pounded against, his body trembling and he could hardly stand at this point. A rush flooded his head and he was doing his best to keep from passing out. He had never felt more upset than in this moment, not even when Jane accidentally broke his authentic 1950's Superman comics. Out of every option he had, the one he was dying to do was run as far away as he could from hearing anything else Benny had to say. Words had never done so much damage.
"Because I felt bad for you, okay? I casted the spell and I thought it'd be cruel of me to break your heart," Benny could see the physical scarring he was causing to him. He was doing his best now to calm down for his friend's sake.
"S-so you thought stringing me along would b-be better?" Ethan asked, doe-eyed and biting his lip back. Holding back tears was more difficult than holding back a dam with only three thin logs as its barrier. If his logs snapped so would he.
"I don't think you get it. There isn't anything to string along. How you're feeling isn't even real Ethan," Benny said, hoping he could rationalize with Ethan even if he was influenced by a spell.
"Well it is t-to me! You might not see it because I'm under a s-spell or whatever, but these feelings have been here all along...I just didn't unc-cover them until now," Ethan said, positive that these were just hidden feelings that he miraculously found. He knew he was under a spell, but it didn't matter. He still knew that he felt and that love was real. His love was real. Even through his blurry eyes, he was seeing clearly.
"That's what you think because of the spell!" Benny jumped.
"I know how I feel and what is real!"
"Ethan, I promise you that whatever this is, is the largest facade I've ever encountered. You mean nothing to me!" Benny had to try to say anything he could at this point to get his friend to listen to him.
Ethan went silent. A small tear spilled from the corner of his eye and down his cheek. It was almost impossible to muster words at this point. He fell to the ground, his heart cracking and shattering to the bottom of his chest like pieces of glass collecting to the floor. The harsh wind of winter was punching his face and whispering rude things past his burning ears. His entire bod felt like jelly.
"Out of all the hurtful things you could've said to me... and you chose the worst thing to say," Ethan said darkly.
Benny realized what he said. He was coming off rather harsh, especially to someone under a spell. It was frustrating keeping it all in. Guilt bathed his conscious and in an instant he was calmer than water sitting in a cup. Recalling back to their argument, if a girl he cared about spoke to him the way he spoke to Ethan, he'd be pretty upset too. And Ethan truly believed that he was in love, of course it was going to make him feel a million times worse! The blame wasn't even his.
"E, wait. I'm sorry," Benny said, reaching out to place a reassuring hand on Ethan's shoulder. Maybe small touches would work, it did before.
"Just go Benny," One thing they never tell you about love is how much it hurts. Love can make you feel like the happiest person in the universe or the most miserable. You could feel like you've climbed to the top of the world or being crushed underneath it. Light could be proudly beaming on you or sucking into a black hole. To many, the risk of wanting to be crushed from rejection was worth it even for one second of being in love. Ethan was one of those people, but he wasn't thinking that at that time. He thought love was the worst thing invented and should be left out to dry. Love was cruel. It danced around you and made you feel as if you were in control, making sure that you felt your very best, before it snatched the rug you stood on to laugh as you fell. Merciless, that's what love was. People focused so much on something that was so malevolent. Love was vindictive, evil, malicious, spiteful, abominable, harmful, pernicious, damaging, nefarious, deleterious, and cruel. Ethan couldn't even remember why he admired love so much as he sat on that concrete.
"Are we still going to the dance?" Benny asked, still worrying more about tonight's plans.
"Yeah. You can cure me and then forget none of this ever happened," Ethan said quietly.
"Cool, I was thinking the same thing," Benny nodded, thinking they might be finally going on the same page.
"And after tonight, I never want to speak to you ever again," Ethan poorly stood up and walked to the front steps like a zombie. And before Benny could protest, Ethan slammed the door in his face.