What I need I like
What I don't I fight
'N I don't like you
Say bye bye
While you're still alive
Your time is due
'Cause I'm a problem child

-AC/DC, "Problem Child"

The Edmonds' House, Mid-morning

Mrs. Edmonds told Zim that he and Tak could speak privately in the realtor's home office. "I'll be in the living room if you need me," she added before giving Tak's shoulder a squeeze.

Then Tak and Zim walked down the hallway and into Mrs. Edmonds' office, which was as orderly as the rest of the house.

After shutting the door, Zim said, "Now, little girl, please to be telling me what you have been doing since moving to new home."

Tak rolled her violet eyes. "You can drop the act, Zim."

He gasped. "How did you know it was me?!"

"Do you really think I'm as stupid as my human puppets?" She leaned toward him and shook her head.

"No, I think my disguise is so amaaaziiing that even my own robot arm in the incubator would have been fooled! That can only mean one thing." He pointed his padded hand at her. "You've been spying on Zim!"

Tak gave him a hard look for two seconds. "Sure, let's go with that." Then she turned on her heel, marched behind the desk, and sat in the ergonomic chair.

"Hey!" Zim jumped onto the desk, knocking over a cup of writing utensils. "That's where I'm supposed to sit! I'm the one interrogating you!"

Tak watched a pencil roll off the edge of the desk. "Has anyone ever told you that you've got little Irken syndrome?"

"Lies! I had a health scan last week and there were no signs of this syndrome you speak of!"

Tak put her hand on her temple. "I'm trying to insult you, you imbecile!"

"Ha! You can't even insult properly!"

"No, you can't comprehend properly!"

"Enough of this foolishness! Tell me why you're always copying Zim."

"Pch!" scoffed Tak, putting her hand on her chest. "Me copy you?"

"Yes, you copy me! First I begin my conquest in Michigan, and you followed me there and tried to conquer Earth. Then I move in with a human family in Hawaii, and you do the same thing!"

Tak narrowed her eyes. "I 'moved in' with a human before you did. If anything, you're copying me!"

"It's not like I planned to live with humans," retorted Zim. "I left Earth to go on a mission to destroy the Star Command base, and I demolished my base on Earth so the Dib-stink wouldn't get his grubby hands on it and reverse-engineer our technology. When I returned to Earth, I had to start over from scratch. I knew that the Dib had moved to Hawaii, so I began my new mission here. And then . . ." He paused as a realization struck him. "You were right," he said, not quite believing the words coming from his own mouth.

Tak grinned. "So you finally admit it!" Then her smile faded. "About what?"

"About the Tallest lying to me. About Zim not being a real Invader." He poked his wrist where his self-destruct button used to be.

"Oh, that. So you accepted the truth." She leaned back in the office chair. "Not so fun having your dream dashed to pieces, is it?"

"Your gloating means nothing to me, Tak!" lied Zim. "I have a new mission now – to stop you!" He pointed as best as he could while enveloped in plush fabric.

"Why do you care?" Tak glanced at the ceiling. "Are you so petty that you just want to stop me no matter what I do?"

"You think I'm just being petty!? Zim is trying to prevent a war between the Irken Empire and the Galactic Federation!"

"War?" Tak raised her eyebrow. "Is that what you think I'm doing?"

"What do you think will happen if you conquer a planet that's under the protection of the Federation?"

Tak hesitated. "I'd accuse you of lying, but that doesn't sound like something you would make up. But why would they care about this backwater planet?"

"I don't know." Zim shrugged. "I think it has something to do with mosquitoes."

"Are those the little insects that bite you and drop dead?"

"Earth insects only die when they bite Irkens. Don't ask me how I know this!" He shuddered at the memory of the Delouser.

"How do you–"

"I said don't ask! Anyway, the Federation considers them an endangered species, so Earth is on the list of planets that Irk has agreed not to conquer. If you break the treaty, it will be considered an act of war!" His voice dropped an octave at the end of his sentence, for dramatic emphasis.

"But . . ." She pursed her lips and shook her head. "It's already been set in motion. I don't know if I could reverse it, even if I wanted to. Which I don't! Besides, we're a warrior race. Surely we can handle a war with the Federation, if it comes to that."

Zim stared incredulously at her. "How many empires have fallen because they fought wars on too many fronts?"

"I . . . I don't know." Tak folded her arms.

"The Hobos were once the greatest superpower in the galaxy, until they started a war with our empire."

"They still have a strong military, and we have a treaty with them now," countered Tak.

"But they only control a small star system, compared to a hundred planets at the height of their power."

"Fine, you thought of one example. But it will be different with our empire!"

"Oh, yes, every good plan starts with 'it will be different this time!'" His voice raised in pitch as he mocked her. "I've seen videos of the Federation's leader. She's smarter than the Tallest–"

"How dare you!"

Zim pressed on. "And she has resources and troops from hundreds of planets. You would bring her wrath against our people just so you can get your twisted justice!"

Tak's face suddenly became smooth, and Zim was certain it was a facade . . . Even aside from being a hologram. "I have contacts on this planet. They'll be able to verify if what you say is true."

"What contacts?" Zim asked sharply.

"Like I'd tell you!"

"Well, don't say I didn't warn you, Tak. I'll stop you and show the Grand Councilwoman what I did, and you'll see that I was right!" He faltered, lowering an eyelid. "Did I sound like the Dib-monster just now?"

"A bit."

"Curses! As soon as this is over, I'm going to isolate myself in my lair for a month."

"And now you sound like Zim." Tak smirked. "I must admit, you almost made me start to think about doubting my plan, but you failed."

"Did I?" Zim made an effort to match her smirk.

"Yes!"

"We'll see about that!" He stood and strolled to the door.

"What are you doing?" Tak pushed back her chair and rose to her feet.

He looked over his shoulder at her. "I can't make you talk, so I'll have to figure out what your plan is another way."

"Incredible," drawled Tak. "You came all this way to find out nothing!"

Not nothing, Zim thought, and hopefully Stitch had overhead something Zim hadn't.

He opened the door. "I am finished interviewing little girl!" he announced.

"How did it go, Mr. Tim?" asked Mrs. Edmonds as she met him in the hallway.

"I will be telling you in private." He turned to Tak. "You are dismissed, little girl."

Tak clenched her fists and gritted her teeth.

"Okay." Mrs. Edmonds pivoted to face Tak. "Don't worry, sweetie, everything will be fine." She gently gripped her shoulder.

"I'm not worried, Mummy dearest," she said through her clenched jaw.

Mrs. Edmonds smiled and squeezed Tak's shoulder once more before following Zim inside her home office.

Zim rushed over to the desk chair before Mrs. Edmonds had a chance to sit there. "How are you feeling, Mrs. Edmonds?"

The human raised her eyebrows. "I'm fine, Agent Tim. How are you?" she asked politely.

"No, I mean how are you really? Does your brain feel foggy? Do you walk into a room and forget why? Do you have trouble concentrating? Do you find yourself wanting to say something and unable to say it out loud?"

Mrs. Edmonds clasped her hands in front of her chest. "Oh! Is it that obvious? I'm so sorry, Mr. Tim! I just haven't been feeling myself lately!"

Zim blinked in surprise. Perhaps he was breaking through the mind control.

"I can't explain it, but . . ." She gazed at the wall behind Zim, wincing. "I've been staying up too late. I'm sure that's all it is. I promise to go to bed earlier from now on."

"Please to be calming yourself, hu- Mrs. Edmonds. It is my duty to assist you."

"Okay . . ." she said uncertainly. "What are you going to do?"

"Come to my office this afternoon at, eh . . ." Zim thought for a moment. "Four o' clock. My, eh, associate there will be able to solve problem with your brain."

"What associate?"

"Eh . . . Dr. Jim! Yes, that is his name. He is professional brain doctor." Zim poked his head.

"You mean a neurologist, or a psychiatrist?"

"Sure, whatever."

"I'm not crazy," said Mrs. Edmonds with a frown.

"I did not say that you were, Mrs. Edmonds." Zim spread his hands. "I only said I want to help you with your problem."

Her frown deepened. "But you implied it when you said I needed to see a psychiatrist."

Zim's cool mask began to slip. "I don't care if you think I called you crazy, human! I'm trying to help you, and your stupid planet! If you know what's good for you, you'll go to the psychiatrist, or – or I'll have your child taken away!"

Mrs. Edmonds' eyes widened behind her glasses. "Please don't take Tak away! I'll go to the psychiatrist and – and he'll see that I'm not crazy!"

"Good! I expect to see you there at four o'clock," Zim said firmly.

"I'll be there," said Mrs. Edmonds.

Outside the Edmonds' House

Zim sauntered away from the Edmonds' residence at what he felt was a casual pace until he turned a corner. The longer he walked, the more overheated he became, until he almost felt like he was back in Sizz-Lorr's kitchen. He decided to ditch the mascot-style disguise at the first opportunity.

"Stitch!" he yelled.

The blue furball rolled from behind him and jumped to his feet. "Gabba?"

"You heard my interrogation of Tak, didn't you?"

"Mostly."

"Mostly!?" Zim waved his padded arms. "What did you do?"

"There was robot."

Zim's eyes widened, and then he bent close to Stitch. "A robot? Did it have red eyes?"

"Ih!" Stitch's face brightened as he nodded.

"It must be Tak's SIR unit! Where did it go?!"

Stitch shrugged in response.

"What good are you!?" Zim growled softly, clenching his fists.

The experiment scowled. "Stitch caught robot, but robot got away." He went on to haltingly report on what he'd heard Tak say before Zim had questioned her.

Zim's mood improved the more Stitch spoke. "Good work, Stitch! Maybe you're not such a useless minion after all."

Stitch snarled and extracted his spines and extra pair of arms, claws extended.
"What?" Zim spread his arms. "I said you're not useless!"

Stitch held his aggressive stance.

"Fine, you're a useful minion!"

Jabbing Zim in the stomach, Stitch shouted, "Stitch not minion! Stitch fluffy!"

"Okay, you're fluffy!"

The experiment retracted his spines and middle limbs with a satisfied smile. "What is next plan?"

"Next? Eh . . ." Zim pulled down his plush hood and rubbed the side of his head. "I haven't thought that far ahead yet," he admitted.

"Chifa?"

"Really!"

"What did Tak do before?"

"She hollowed out the Earth with a giant magma pump." Zim's eyes widened. "Is there any experiment that can do something on that scale?"

Stitch tilted his head. "Five-series," he answered. "Yin and Yang. Richter. Digger. Ploot."

"Good. At least that narrows it d–"

"Phoon. Splat. Deforestator."

Zim groaned. "Are you finished yet?"

"Cannonball. Maybe more."

"But those are the most likely suspects?"

"Ih," answered Stitch with a nod.

"Good work, soldier!"

Stitch shrugged.

"Now, which one is closest?" asked Zim.

Stitch tapped his chin for a second, and then beamed. "Mrs. Hasagawa!"

Zim would have raised an antenna if he hadn't been wearing his wig. "Isn't that a human name?"

"Ih. Human has experiments!"

"Very well. Take me to Mrs. Hasagawa!"

Outside the Pelekais' house

"I'm glad you're here, Jumba," said Pleakley, walking out of the spaceship to meet him. "I've got so much to tell you!" Then he stopped and eyed Professor Membrane. "Oh, uh, hi there, Professor Membrane." He straightened his wig. "I didn't expect you to come here."

"Dr. Jookiba claims that Stitch is his experiment." Oddly, Membrane cupped his hand around his mouth as if he were sharing a secret, but he didn't whisper, or even bother to lower his voice. "So, I came to see if there is any evidence of his claim."

"Oh my." Pleakley blinked. "Um, Jumba, exactly how much did you tell Professor Membrane?"

"I told Professor that Stitch is my experiment, and that I made other genetic experiments before him. Nothing more," said Jumba with a reassuring smile.

"Oh!" Pleakley blinked again. "That's . . . surprising."

Jumba could tell that Pleakley was dying to ask questions, but didn't dare in front of Membrane.

"Yes, I was surprised as well." The professor put his fists on his hips and surveyed the yard. "Where is Stitch?"

"He's not here. He went to Mrs. Edmonds' house with Zim." Pleakley shook his head. "Sorry, Professor. I wish you had called first."

"Ach!" Jumba bowed his head and brought his palm to his broad face. "I should have known!" He glanced at Pleakley. "Jumba should put tracking device on him."

"Didn't you already try that?" Pleakley scratched his head lightly, so as not to disturb his wig.

"Hold on a minute," said Professor Membrane, his brow furrowing in confusion. "Shouldn't Zim be in school?"

"Zim is not going to school," said Jumba.

"Really? Why not?"

Jumba shrugged and gave the safest non-answer that sprang into his mind. "You will have to ask him yourself, when you are seeing him."

"Okay . . ." said Membrane, rubbing the back of his head.

"Pleakley, you have Mrs. Edmonds' phone number?" asked Jumba, eager to change the subject as well as find Stitch.

"I have her number saved on my phone," said Membrane, before Pleakley could answer. "I'll call her and ask if Zim and Stitch are still at her house."

Membrane tapped his phone and held it to his ear.

While the professor was distracted, Pleakley stepped closer to Jumba and whispered, "Jumba, I need to tell you what I learned about Tak. Dib and Gaz talked to her, and she said she's going to destroy all life on Earth!" His voice rose in volume near the end.

Jumba frowned as his heartbeat quickened. He didn't know anything about Tak besides her being an Irken with unusually powerful mind control abilities. In his mind, she had merely been a nuisance in the background.

"That is evil, even by my standards! Where are children now?"

"They should be in school," said Pleakley.

"Yes, but that does not mean they are. If I know little girl and her friend, they are trying to save Earth."

"I know," said Pleakley with a sigh. "But they shouldn't have to feel responsible for that."

"Ih," agreed Jumba. "But no one can control how children feel."

"Mrs. Edmonds saw Zim, I think," announced Membrane as he lowered his phone, "But she didn't see Stitch."

Jumba huffed. "They must have separated. Is Zim still there?"

"She said he left a few minutes ago. It's strange – she kept calling him Tim, but the person she described sounded a lot like Zim. She probably misheard his name."

"If we hurry, we might catch him," said Jumba, gazing at his convertible.

"Let's wait until after work," said Membrane. "There's no sense wasting time on a wild goose chase when we have work to do."

Jumba hesitated. If Tak succeeded in wiping out every living thing on the planet, he and Professor Membrane wouldn't have to worry about working anymore, to say the very least. But how could he explain this to his employer without sounding like Dib?

"Professor, this is important." Jumba spread his hands. "Would love to explain everything to you, but I do not think you would believe it."

"Well, doctor, unless you can give me a good reason, we'll have to go back to work."

"Wait!" cried Lilo, bounding up the hill toward Jumba, Pleakley, and Membrane. Dib ran by her side, while Gaz ambled twenty feet behind them, as if she didn't want to be associated with them.

Pleakley's eye grew even bigger than normal. "I knew it! Lilo, you'd better have a darn good reason to leave school!"

Lilo stopped in front of them and paused to catch her breath.

Gently patting her shoulder, Jumba said, "Breathe first, then tell us what happened."

Meanwhile, Dib gaped up at his father. "Dad, what are you doing here!?"

"I should ask you the same question." Membrane folded his arms.

Lilo stood up straight and composed herself. "I know we're supposed to be in school," she began, "but Dib and Gaz found out that Tak is going to use one of the experiments to destroy all life on Earth."

"Yes, Pleakley told me some of it," Jumba said solemnly. "I had no idea Tak could be so evil! If she has already turned experiment to destructive nature, we do not have much time."

"Exactly!" Lilo spread her arms out in front of her. "Tak's five steps ahead of us and we're running around doing the same things and not communicating with each other. Our best chance of stopping her is to work together as a team."

Membrane peered down at Lilo. "Your uncle told me that Stitch is a genetic experiment that he created. Is this true?"

Lilo nodded.

"And there are others besides Stitch?"

"That's right."

Dib stared wide-eyed at him. "You're actually considering the possibility that Stitch is a genetic experiment?"

Membrane froze, his expression unreadable. "An experimental lifeform is theoretically possible. And I wouldn't have hired Dr. Jookiba if I didn't trust him." A line appeared above his right eye. "But I'll have to see more evidence before I'm convinced."

"But if I said it, you'd call me crazy."

Gaz sidled up to her brother. "Dib, now is not the time."

He hunched his shoulders. "Right, sorry."

"You will be finding out what my experiments can do very soon, Professor," said Jumba with a frown. "I designed them for to cause turmoil and undermine civilization."

Instead of reacting with alarm, Membrane merely rubbed his chin. "Fascinating. Based on the fact that the world is unscathed, I take it you weren't successful."

Then the professor started as Jumba, Pleakley, and Lilo laughed.

"What's so funny?"

"You have no idea how many times the Earth was almost destroyed!" Pleakley wiped a tear of laughter from his eye. "If it weren't for Lilo and Stitch, we'd be living in a post-apocalyptic wasteland at best!"

"Is true. Lilo helped experiments find, eh, constructive outlets for their chaotic abilities." Jumba was tempted to look at Dib and Gaz, but he kept his eyes on Lilo, who smiled and ducked her head.

"It sounds like your experiments achieved results, but not the ones you intended. But what does this Tak child have to do with any of this?" Membrane crinkled his forehead.

"Experiments have been . . . eh . . . mostly stable for a few years," said Jumba, holding his hand flat and teetering it. "But is easy to be tipping them towards destruction. Tak would need only to be making them angry, or to offering reward for reverting to harmful behavior."

"No wonder you wanted to take off work! We have to get your rogue experiment under control."

"You're going to help?" asked Pleakley.

"Of course! If I can use my scientific expertise to help keep an experiment from wiping out all life, I'll do it!"

Everyone stared at him in astonishment.

"Are you sure you know what you're getting into, Dad?" asked Gaz, quirking a purple eyebrow.

"No, but whatever it is, it can't be any worse than some of my more ambitious projects. But I appreciate your concern, Gazlene." He patted her head. "Come along, now. We'll drop off you and your brother and your friend at school first."

"No, Dad, we can help!" said Dib.

"Yeah!" said Lilo, holding clenched fists near her shoulders in excitement. "Like Jumba said, I've been stopping his experiments from destroying the world since I was six."

"Oh, no," said Membrane, crossing his arms. "It could be dangerous! Besides, you kids are supposed to be in school."

"I agree with Professor Membrane," said Pleakley. "You've already helped enough. Let the adults take it from here."

Lilo turned her brown eyes to Jumba. "Please, Jumba, you know I'm right. And once we find Stitch, it'll be a lot easier."

"Is true that little girl and Stitch are unstoppable team." Jumba brought his hand to his chin. "And Jumba, Professor, and Pleakley could be keeping eye on you this time."

Membrane peered at him. "What about school?"

"We can make up our schoolwork later." Dib spread his arms. "We might not get a chance to help neutralize the experiment if we go to school now."

"Hmm." His father tapped his chin. "It's good that you want to help, son, but I don't want you to use it as an excuse to skip school."

Gaz looked from her brother to her father before taking a deep breath and lowering her head. Then she stepped over to her dad, wrapped her arms around his waist, and gazed up at him. To Jumba's shock, Gaz's eyes expanded into perfect, round orbs, mimicking a sad puppy. Her lower lip even stuck out a bit.

"Pleeeease, Dad?"

He placed his arms around her shoulders. "It's hard to say no to you when you're being so lovable. I suppose you and your brother can come with us, just this once."

Gaz smiled – and that was another first for Jumba, as he'd only seen her frown, sneer, and grimace until that moment.

"Thanks, Dad."

"Yeah, thanks," said Dib with a grin.

"Wow, Gaz," said Lilo. "I didn't know you could do puppy dog eyes."

Gaz's expression hardened as she rounded on the older girl. "Not another word," she hissed.

Smiling, Lilo put her hand over her mouth.

Gaz withdrew from her father and strode toward her brother. "You owe me, Dib."

"I know, I know." He held up his hands in surrender.

"Hold on a minute." Pleakley put his hands on his hips. "You're caving just like that? After what happened last night?"

Membrane held out his hand in a defensive gesture. "It's different this time! Dr. Jookiba and I will be with the children. You can come along as well, if it will put your mind at ease."

"Ah, good idea, Professor!" said Jumba. Never mind that Jumba had brought it up first. "Did I ever tell you that Pleakley used to be head Professor of Earth Studies at GACC?"

"No, you didn't," said Membrane, before pivoting to face Pleakley. "I'm sure your knowledge will assist us, Professor Pleakley."

Pleakley seemed pleased and embarrassed at the same time, his cheeks blushing purple. Jumba smiled, since he'd been hoping for this reaction.

"Technically, I didn't teach any classes," said Pleakley, "but I did have a big office."

"No matter." Membrane airily waved his hand. "I've never taught any classes either."

Pleakley smiled up at him. "Well, in that case, I'll go with you, just to keep you guys out of trouble." Then he gave Lilo a stern look. "But you still have to finish all your schoolwork, missy, and I expect you to get straight A's!"

"I will, Pleakley!" Lilo put her hand over her heart. "I promise."

Jumba rubbed his hands together. "Now that we are all being in agreement, let us look for rogue experiment."

"Great, one big, happy ohana or whatever," Gaz said dryly.

Membrane rested his hand on her back and addressed the group. "I think we can all fit in my van. Dr. Jookiba can advise us where to look first."

Jumba nodded. "Easy. We are going to the beach."

A/N: I recently rewatched a few IZ episodes, and I realized for the first time how bat-guano insane Professor Membrane seems if you take him seriously. He made children fight each other in robotic spider suits just to be in the audience for his show, and he built a giant mech to get revenge on Santa for giving him socks instead of a radioactive element. He also made his daughter a public spectacle and performed "horrible tests" on her when she lost her ability to taste anything except pork. His erratic and careless attitude could partly be explained by the shark attack he survived as a child, but I suspect he would be impulsive even without the traumatic injuries. It's no wonder he gets along so well with fellow mad scientist Dr. Jumba Jookiba in this story.

Anyway, I had a lot of free time recently in which I was unable to do much besides write. So I reread what I had written of this fanfic so far and then sat down to continue the story. And funnily enough, the more I wrote, the easier it became. I already had a general idea of how I wanted the plot to go, but it wasn't until I wrote this chapter that I saw how everything would fit together. I've already written most of Chapter 7, so it should be ready relatively soon.