Waterloo

by auroraleigh1856

But long story short, it was the story of one green dress, two bracelets, three cigarettes, four (and a half) rejections, five detentions, six glasses of vodka, seven scars, an eight-letter phrase, nine tries, ten laps, eleven slices of chocolate cake, twelve games of rugby and thirteen characters. It was the story of how Lily Evans and James Potter came to be, among other tales.

17. Hoffman's Law

BOOK THREE: LADY LAZARUS

September 1976.

Hoffman's Law

THE OBLIGATORY SIXTH YEAR OPENING CHAPTER

A Play in One Act

By Aurora Leigh

Based on the key moment 'The Sixth-Year Train Scene'

By Nobody's Request

---

A/N: Once again, I give a content warning for SA. I have inserted an Asterix for that scene if that makes you uncomfortable, but discussion of this event will permeate most of the following chapters.

Please leave a review, follow, etc- it really does make my day. I can't give you a reward, but if you're enjoying the story, it really helps me keep going. I hop-e-um- I hope your pillow is always cold no matter the side and I hope the 7/11 lady charges you only for the kit kat not for your packet of King-sized hot Cheetos and I hope you meet Taylor Swift and perhaps the really hot guy in your economics class askes you out. This may or may not happen, but leaving a review increases your chances. Ok, I'm a properly fanfic author now.

Horrificly long chapter. Enjoy though, it has a major Grey's reference x Frank, which I enjoyed writing :)

---

It was the best of times; it was the worst of crimes. It was the age of foolishness; it was the age of wisdom. It was the September of 1976 and the leaves were crackling brown brought on from a drought. It was their sixth year, and they had little to worry about. They were in the midst of an emotional, hot-blooded war, the blitz of love, the emotional rationing they had endured, the tense propaganda desecrating those who had wounded their friends wrapped around their necks.

Life restarts, eos falls into the sea, the memories of August blissfully stolen, the warmth lingering on the train. It was an intimacy shared over the summer that they had never quite recovered from, a disease of sorts, the symptoms and the appreciation not yet showing until much later. Who it was shared with, they were not aware of, but I suppose you can work it out.

August had turned into September first, as it always did; slipped into a moment in time; into a moment Lily Evans spent in Godric's Hollow with friends of old and friends (though this was debatable) of new. But humans are not yet powerful enough to turn Big Ben's hands backwards, and certainly not Lily Evans, and thus, September first arrived on her doorstep like a project she had left to the last minute.

Everything had been the same before their fifth year, but now everything had changed, and everything Lily Evans had held dear, say for chemistry and maths, had been treated the same way that a fire massacres a newspaper, slowly and painfully.

The most beautiful thing about the first few moments of school is that a select few gets back a good percentage more attractive. An all-around confidence epidemic had spread along the fifth years, like an unknown by-product of puberty. Like the moon waning, they had pulled on their parent's beauty, their great allowance. Like Madeline Clarke, with her big boobs, but spread evenly.

There was nothing to deny- Lily Evans had become well and truly beautiful, a movie-star beautiful, a vinyl magazine on a train with a model and her ever-present cigarette beautiful. James Potter was just the trendsetter. She was currently resting against a pillar, reading the complete poetry of Sylvia Plath with great interest, despite the three coffees, one for every hour of sleep, that substantiated a great thunk in her brain that permeated the rest of the school year.

One leg against the concrete, hair having grown down long past her shoulders in little auburn wisps- yes, she was properly beautiful. She had learnt how to dress for her body, wearing a low-cut shirt and fitted jeans, with an aura that was not aimless but more so carefree. Something out of a French magazine, to be cut out by a teenage girl and pasted in a secret scrapbook decorated with ribbon.

She scanned the platform, and saw Dorcas, and ran to squeeze her. She nearly squeezed all the life out of her, squealing joyfully, with no need for civility. Dorcas shook her head and pinched her cheeks.

And Dorcas- forget a 15% discount beauty- think of Chanel, think of Louis Vuitton, think of those high-brand lipstick ads. Dorcas was like a fairy; Dorcas was soft; Dorcas was something out of a fairytale. She was tremendously beautiful, willowy and fragile and perfectly breakable, the model in a perfume ad, but that made her wonderfully and desperately alive. Dorcas had become the prettiest of them all, really.

"And you have muscles!" Lily said, looking at her with great awe.

"I do." Dorcas shrugged. Lily spun around joyously, overcaffeinated and eager. "From my job."

She fidgeted, as she said this, as if she was ashamed of what had been the true cause.

"Well, then, Cassie, you best bring my trunk onto the train, because I am sleepless." Lily sighed. "Boy, do I have things to tell you."

"I want to talk to you." Dorcas said. "About- about things."

"What kind of things?"

"Ground-breaking things."

"I like ground-breaking things."

"I do too, but they are a bit worrying."

"Wouldn't be ground-breaking if they weren't worrying."

Marlene and Mary had plonked a train cabin, to Lily's delight. There was a great deal of hugging involved, a great deal of awkward dancing, as it happened every year. Their summertime sadness, they pretended did not exist, politely exchanging small talk questions and slowly revealing themselves to be different beings of who they were in June.

August had evolved into September, in the flick of a clock and the spinning of a calendar. September was grey, a blank slate, promising to change colour. The Aster flower for September- love and wisdom. Love and wisdom.

Marlene McKinnon had discovered Stevie Nicks and was dressed in the long flowy skirts that the magazines portrayed her to wear. Marlene's face had almost completely changed, her overbite now at the centre of her beauty. Normally, I laugh when I see people dressed up in clothing from when I was a teenager- very few actually wore the sort of thing you saw in the magazines. We couldn't afford to. Marlene McKinnon could afford to look like an exact replica, so there she stood.

There was a knock on the cabinet and two black-haired girls stood outside. Marlene went out and spoke to them quietly, which meant that everyone watched, because Marlene was rarely quiet.

"Nadine says we have to talk to you." The eldest said.

"You don't have to if you don't want." Marlene said, looking at them.

"It's alright." The eldest shrugged. "We won't be a bother."

"You aren't a bother. Really." Marlene said, squeezing their hands. "You guys will have to go with the first years on the boats, but I'll be with you after the sorting. It's alright if you don't get into Gryffindor. Just don't get-"

"Slytherin."

"Good girls." She said, and squeezed their hands.

The rest of the girls shared a look. Marlene was almost- almost- almost motherly.

"God fucking damn it." Marlene said, wiping her brow. "It's fucking hot. I swear to God, I had the worst fucking summer of my entire fucking life. It was so positively boring that I nearly fucking shot myself. I even had to fucking play fucking polo- fucking polo-"

Almost motherly. Emphasis on the almost.

"Where's Madeline?" Mary asked. Even Mary McDonald had benefited from summer's grace- her roman figure had stretched to suit her face- there was a bit more angular structure to it. She, too, had changed her look. She had cut her hair, so that she looked like a girl from the 1930s. Timeless. The pixie cut she had possessed for the past months had faded away, and really, she looked somewhat pretty.

"Mary's discovered vegetarianism."

"I told you, right, about the guy I met- well, he's totally into mediation, and all that, and it actually really helps. He's taught me all about Buddhism-" Mary said, looking far into the window tugging a strand of hair subconsciously.

Mary McDonald had discovered history and non-fiction- she carried a stack recommended by Professor Binns, as no one else was willing to take history A-Level. She was an odd creature. The top volume in the stack in her trunk was on the California Gold Rush. Klondike.

Mary McDonald had discovered nonfiction and buddhism. Dorcas Meadowes had taught herself all sorts of rugby tricks in that old park, learning the art of the cross-kick. She had a secret desire that was soon to be confessed. Lily Evans had a three-week summer romance. Marlene spoke kindly to girls younger than her. Secrets and drastic personality changes to fill some void that would never be filled seemed to wisp around the girls, like stale cigarette smoke.

Not so fast. Madeline seemed lost, but Madeline had made the choice to grow up as late as possible, sort of dazed like a lamb, and thus, was the same.

Madeline, however, had sent Daniel to deliver her trunk to the carriage, balancing Aslan's cage on her head, him meowing frantically, humming 'Some Velvet Morning'. Justin made Daniel do it, because she could not carry her trunk, on account of the 42.5 books she had packed. She had to finish Violet Winspear, after all.

She nearly toppled over when someone tapped her shoulder. It felt rather invasive, she thought, but nonetheless, she turned around. It was a tall Hufflepuff boy. Tommy Shane, who she was weary of, because James hated Tommy Shane. James hated most men, but she assumed Tommy Shane must've been bad, because he made fun of him a lot. She put Aslan between her feet, though he meowed louder.

"Not now, Aslan." She said, "Children must be seen and not heard. Can I help you?"

"I was wondering-" He said. "If you have a picture."

"A picture?"

Madeline's shyness sent her body frozen, as she blinked. What would be the polite thing to respond? Oh dear. Her southern accent had broken through. Tommy Shane was looking at her ominously, sexually, with a wicked grin that she did not like. She wanted Remus- she wanted to see Remus- and Lily- and Dorcas- and Remus, Remus would know what to say-

"A picture."

"Of what?"

"Of you."

"Of me?"

"Yes."

"What kind of picture?"

"Just a photograph. Maybe from this summer."

"Oh. Okay." She said.

"See you."

"See you-" She said, but he trotted off with his Hufflepuff posse. She had grown quite pale. Hufflepuffs generally scared her. They looked like they had all sorts of diseases. Like they listened to Alice Cooper and read Hemingway. How terrifying. Perhaps she should talk to Cordelia, or James. Cordelia knew him very well. She made fun of him quite often.

"Clarke?" He said, looking at her, with some sick sort of grin. "Do you have a picture of Evans?"

"Evans?"

"And Meadowes, while you're at it."

"I suppose- why are you asking me?"

"Summer's been kind to them, hasn't it?"

Madeline blinked. She picked up Aslan and found the rest of the girls. Hestia hissed at him, but she gave her a treat, and Hestia ignored Aslan. Madeline forgot all about the strangeness of the interaction. She was with her friends, and that was all that mattered, wasn't it?

Marlene was usually full of impractical ideas- ideas of becoming someone else, ideas of grandeur that she usually dismissed a week later. I'm going to dye my hair brunette; I'm going to go on an all-carrot diet; I'm going to give myself full-on bangs. Today was no exception.

"I think I'm going to throw out every item of clothing in my house and dress like Steve Nicks. I'm going to do my eyeliner like Stevie Nicks. I'm going to cut my hair like Steve Nicks- I'm no longer Marlene McKinnon, I'm Stevie McKinnon- or Marlene Nicks, take what you will- I am Steve Nicks, I will be Steve Nicks-"

They heard Ethan McDougal's voice, talking to the rest of the Gryffindor seventh years. Madeline waved politely- he jerked his head forward, with the respect he gave to pretty Gryffindors who were dating other people. Suddenly, he stopped, and with awe in his eyes, he muttered rather loudly, very loudly- 'No way. No way.'

The girls looked up, Marlene peeking out of their cabin, as they saw Frank Longbottom walking down the hall, followed by Alice, who had four hickeys on her neck, and the Marauders, who were strutting down in their home clothes. A proper unit, once again, but tan after the summer.

Ethan shook Frank's hand promptly, which everyone looked at with interest, because everybody knew that they had stopped being friends right after Alice dumped him, which had piqued everybody's interest, as well as Alice's four hickeys, which had also piqued everyone's interests.

"You got the badge!" He said, shaking it firmly, pulling him in and patting him on the back.

"That I did."

"And Alice?"

"Thelia Greengrass is head girl." She smiled, though she looked a bit sad. Frank squeezed her hand, proper, and she smiled at Ethan.

"Oh well." He said. "At least a Gryffindor got it- first head boy from our house in what-"

"Enough years to qualify as ages." James said, clapping Frank on the back. He tapped the rugby captain badge on his chest proudly- the girls groaned as they saw it. "With our luck, we'll be winning the rugby next, but it won't be luck- It'll be me- did I tell you, Frank, I was thinking of improving the passing drill to make it a bit more flat-"

"He's going to be insufferable." Dorcas whispered to Lily, but her interest was piqued, because she had a secret, and she was less comfortable asking James Potter than Frank Longbottom for advice regarding her secret.

"He can only use the prefect's bathrooms." Lily said, though it was more to remind herself that James Potter hadn't been given anything that could destroy the equilibrium of normalcy.

"Don't you bathe in the prefect's bathrooms sometimes?" Marlene whispered back wickedly. Lily went red at the thought of James Potter trying to see her naked.

"You gave up captain?" Ethan asked.

"Co-captaining." Frank said. "Long-term, it'll be better if we get a new captain in soon, so he can develop it, and I was thinking we should have two tiers of players-"

The rest of them let out a collective sigh at Frank's nerding over the systematic arrangement of a rugby team; James looked at Frank with great admiration and collective excitement.

"Blimey." Sirius said, looking at the badge. "Head boy. Look at that. He can get us out of even more trouble now."

"Absolutely not." Frank said firmly, a-la-McGonagall, but Lily came in and hugged him proudly, as she felt she was qualified to do so, as prefect.

"Frank has to go and prepare for the prefect's meeting, and I've got to see Alex." Alice sighed. "Enough chit-chat. See you at supper!"

She stood on her tippy toes and kissed him quickly, to which a collective gasp came about the Gryffindor mass blocking the corridors. She ran off, in typical Alice Fortescue fashion, to see Alex. Frank went red, and followed her. Lily and Madeline, who had spent the summer obsessing over how to get them together, jumped for joy.

"About time." Ethan whispered to himself, but that was more so to let the world know he had no opposition to the love affair. James Potter was grinning obnoxiously, and tried to slip into the girl's carriage nefariously, but Dorcas shut it so quickly that she nearly snapped off a finger.

"Get the cats in their cages-" She said to the girls, as Mary began to sniffle. "And stack the trunks in the shelves- Marlene, drag yours to the common area- we don't have space- bring out the candy before Lily has to go for the prefect meeting-"

They did what she said, without complaint, since she was the leader, but it was quite practical, what she was saying. Mary's sniffling did irritate everyone, and Mary Junior was in a foul mood.

"I have a secret." She said, looking at her fingers. As the leader, everyone looked at her, eager to know. "And I want your advice."

"Oh?" Lily said, stroking Hestia.

"I want to try out for the rugby team." She whispered, looking at them hopelessly. The girls let out a little gasp. No girl had ever been on the rugby team. Ever. No girl really cared for rugby, they cared for the rugby boys, because as a general rule, in order for a boy to be attractive, he had to be on the rugby team.

"Really?" Madeline said. "That's so exciting. Lily will finally have to learn the rules."

"I think you'll be brilliant." Marlene said.

"Stop it." Dorcas said. "I want real advice, not mindless cheerleading. If any of you told me you wanted to try out, I would've told you to stop dreaming and focus on doing something realistic, like pass chemistry. Nobody would let me on the team. I'm a girl. Biologically, we're not fit enough, strong enough, testosterone-enough-"

"But you are good at rugby!" Lily said. "You know all the rules-"

"Every boy in this stupid school knows the rules. I don't know if Potter will take me seriously-"

"He will!" Madeline said.

"No, he won't." Mary said, pessimistically. The meditation had not yet set in. "He's a boy. He'll give it to some third year-"

"Dorcas, you're fitter than a fiddle." Lily said. "In both ways. You're fitter than a lot more boys here."

"Think politically." Marlene said, tapping her thighs. Lily looked at them for a moment, in absolute jealousy, a wave of self-pity coming through her as she looked at Hestia guiltily. "Potter hosts try-outs. He has to balance Longbottom, who everyone likes. Respected, even. Some people respect Potter. Longbottom's given this to him, but he still controls the reigns. It's like- it's like when a son takes over the father's business, but the fathers still involved."

"So?" Dorcas said. She had pulled her legs up to her chest. She looked near tears. Lily pulled out a wad of tissues and offered them to her. "I'll never be good at rugby. I'll be good, but not properly. It's the one thing I like. Besides Chemistry, and Lily's better than me in chem! I barely got A stars in any of my exams-"

"Let me finish. Think. You're Potter. You need to earn your place as captain. Some lousy third year comes up and demands a place- so you give him the wing and reshuffle everyone, which irritates you, because you're missing a player and they always put the newbie on the wing. This irritates everyone, and to top it all off, the third year thinks he's the best thing since sliced bread, and doesn't even try."

"But if you go up to him, talk to him beforehand-" Madeline said. "He'll listen, and if he doesn't, I'll call his mother and get Aslan to scratch his bum when he sleeps."

When everyone gave her a funny look, she shrugged. "What? Remus says he sleeps in just his boxers."

This earned her an even funnier look, because why she was discussing boxers and sleeping arrangements with Remus Lupin was greatly intriguing for all parties present, except for herself, evidenced by the fact that she had taken out her knitting needles, intent on knitting the rugby team a good-luck scarf.

"If you talk to him. Say, deal's a deal, if I don't make it, no complaints, we move on. I know I'm a girl- I'll work thrice as hard. I'll never complain. I'll do all your stupid drills. Potter goes, hang on, I've got an ally other than Sirius. She may be a girl, fair, but probably fitter than some fat third year, and she won't complain. Makes my life easier." Marlene said, tapping her temple. "Politics."

"So there's a chance?" Dorcas said, desperately, with an eagerness that surprised everyone, her voice sweet and her eyes fairy-like. Madeline looked at her with

"Speak to Potter." Lily said. "You've been practicing, right?"

"Are you good?" Madeline asked.

Dorcas might've blushed, except she never blushed. "I think I'm fantastic."

Madeline squealed and hugged her. "Oh, we'll definitely have to watch the games now!"

"I think we might have to learn the rules first." Lily sighed. "I hate rugby. Sorry, Dorcas."

"I don't get why you hate rugby." Mary sighed. "Isn't it the greatest sport alive?"

"Oh, god. That's such a public school thing to say." Lily sighed, but then Cordelia King and Lina Hoffman opened their carriage door, which made all of them look up, because Cordelia King and Lina Hoffman were generally cordial with them. The Gryffindor girls were generally quite popular, but not apparently popular enough for Cordelia King and Lina Hoffman. Allegedly, they were quite cliquey, they being both the King-Hoffman covalent bond and the Gryffindor girls.

"Madeline," Cordelia began, which made sudden sense, because Madeline was very popular, "Did Tommy ask for a picture of you?"

Madeline looked up suddenly. "Yes. He did, matter of factly. I was going to ask James about it- did he ask you too?"

Cordelia nodded, tugging the brim of her Thin Lizzy t-shirt. Her body, for somebody so tall, was flat and thin, like a pencil. Lily shifted uncomfortably. "Asked for one of me and Lina."

"How strange." Madeline said, tapping her nose with a knitting needle, except it wasn't very agile, considering it was entrapped in wool. "Perhaps he wants to make a mural. Or perhaps decorate the halls. Or perhaps he simply hates us and wants to burn our pictures because he hates women and is a raving misogynist."

"The latter sounds most likely." Lina said, crossing her arms. She, too, had the body of Cordelia's. Lily looked to her feet. While on the subject of post-puberty beauty, there was no denying the fact that Madeline Clarke, Cordelia King and Lina Hoffman had transcended their usual prettiness. Carmen Parisi had held a monopoly on beauty for the past year- the three girls were now the Holy Trinity of all things sex and beauty.

"Oh, god." Cordelia sighed. "This is probably some post-breakup revenge."

"Embarrassing." Lina said, shaking her head. She was smiling, which was a rare sight, because like most Ravenclaws, she never smiled. It was a cheeky sort of smile, as she looked at Cordelia, hips against the carriage, arms crossed. "Especially since you dumped him in January."

"I thought we agreed never to talk about January."

"We agreed never to talk about Shane and Abbott, on Hoffman's law."

"Hoffman's law?" Lily asked, since she was the only one brave enough to interact with them and risk potential embarrassment.

"We never talk about the men we semi-fancied in fifth year, or any year before that." Cordelia said, her posture straight and her eyes sweet. She was almost alkaline. "I use men in a loose term."

"Speaking of fifth year fancies," Lina said, looking at Lily, with great acidity. "I have on good authority Bertram Aubrey intends on asking you out."

Lily nearly gagged from laughter.

"Oh, please." Cordelia said, looking at Lily. "He had the fattest crush on you, really. It was quite cute. He used to stare at you during exams-"

"First Potter, then Aubrey-" Marlene said, with a stiff laugh.

"Why does it always have to happen in September, too?" Lily sighed, putting her face in her hands. She had no intention of ever going out with Bertram Aubrey. He found himself frequently in scuffles with Potter and Black outside of English, like a hot-headed Peter Pettigrew. If she wanted to date a hothead, she would at least like someone who looked good.

"Perhaps it's the weather." Madeline shrugged.

"If you know Lily doesn't fancy him back, why are you encouraging him?" Dorcas asked from the back of the carriage, leg shaking from an abundance of energy.

"Because it's funny." Lina smiled. "I do not like Bertram Aubrey. Seeing him get his heart broken gives me great joy."

"Nobody really does." Marlene agreed.

"He reminds me of Mr. Collins." Madeline said, tapping her mouth with her knitting needle yet again, her ebullience ever-present. "Maybe he has an affinity for potatoes."

"No comment there." Lina said, though Cordelia pinched her. She giggled wickedly. Lily swallowed. Hot-headed Peter Pettigrews made her wonder if she was the newfound equivalent for overweight girls. She looked if anyone looked at her, guiltily, but they all were entranced by the casual presence of the King-Hoffman covalent bond.

"Don't be rude, Lina." Cordelia said.

"I'm constantly rude." Lina said. "It's why everyone thinks I'm a bitch. I just speak the truth."

"It's a shame." Cordelia sighed. "I hoped summer would've been kind to him. But it hasn't."

"Why on earth would you waste that on Bertram Aubrey?" Lina scoffed.

Cordelia shrugged. "Beauty should be shared."

"Summer's been kind to loads of boys." Marlene mused.

"Frank Longbottom, especially." Cordelia giggled. There was a collective murmur across the room- despite his dalliance with Alice, Frank Longbottom had shown up the sort of muscular that didn't fit his sleeves, an action-movie sort of muscular that invoked a primal reaction in most girls. Most certainly Cordelia King.

"Cordelia." Lina said.

"It's true!" Cordelia said. "Loads of boys. Your lot, too."

"Our lot?" Dorcas said, raising an eyebrow.

"I think she's joined the James Potter fan club." Lina said, with a crinkle in her nose that signalled great dislike. Madeline raised an eyebrow.

"I am not a fan." Cordelia said. "I just recognise my fellow attractive people. We ought to stick together."

"You sound like a Nazi." Madeline said.

"What time is the prefect meeting, Lily?" Cordelia asked, tactfully changing the subject, though she looked to the window, almost as if she was scared of the answer.

"In 2 hours." Lily said. "According to one Remus Lupin."

"He should try for rugby commentator, Mads." Lina said. "Liam said that Derek is going to try for the team, and he's 80% a shoe-in. There'll be a vacancy."

"Don't talk about rugby. That reminds me of Steve Abbott." Cordelia said, waving her hand.

"But you said he really likes it." Lina said. "Just can't play- don't all welsh people love rugby-"

Madeline tapped her other cheek with a knitting needle, pondering it. "He would be quite good."

"He'd be excellent, Mads." Dorcas said, as the newfound secret authority on all things rugby. "He knows the laws-"

"What do you think, Aslan? Do you think he'd be a good commentator?" Madeline said, peering up. When Aslan gave no answer, she tapped her knitting needle again, like a drumstick.

"Alright then, see you!" Cordelia said. "We have been summoned to Liam's carriage."

"We don't have any other friends." Lina snorted.

"Except for me." Madeline beamed.

"Except for Madeline." Lina said, with a smile. "I brought sandwiches- well, my mother brought sandwiches. That's a turkey for you, Marlene, and cheese and ham for you, Mads, and Dorcas, also turkey, sorry, my neighbour had a ton, and I know you went vegetarian, Mary, so here, we only had jam-"

The girls ravished their sandwiches, though no one noticed that Lily had not given one for herself. Marlene smiled. "You are such a mother, Lily Evans."

"A Mother?"

"A total mother." Marlene said.

"You carry wet wipes with you at all times." Dorcas said. "And you have five pencils on you."

"Because Black never brings one, Madeline forgets her pencil is behind her ear, Marlene loses hers constantly. And it's a good principle to have two pencils at all times."

"And you sleep at 10 every day when you do your homework."

"Because it's good practice!"

"And you do your homework."

"Well, I did end up getting all A stars."

"You got all A stars?" Dorcas shrieked.

Lily blushed. She hadn't made a big fuss of it, because Andy hadn't done very well.

"I got an A star for Chemistry." Madeline beamed. "Remus came for lunch and I kissed him in front of my brothers, I was so happy. He was positively mortified. It was hilarious. He, James and Sirius all got all A stars- Peter flunked physics, barely passed, which is basically a fail, But actually- Cordelia King got the highest in the year. In physics. Her lowest mark was 93%. For further maths."

"93%?" Dorcas spat.

"For further maths?" Lily said. "That's insane."

"She said not to tell anyone." Madeline shrugged. "Oopsie."

"Jesus."

"I had my first kiss over the break." Lily said, staring at her lap, hands folded open, like an open palm. Mary, who was sitting crossed-legged and palms out, talking to herself, nearly fell off the seat.

"What?" Dorcas said. Lily blushed. It would be easier to pretend everything was alright, like her mother. Her mother. She did really miss her mother. She wished she went home for the Easter Holiday. They had sung Bowie and ABBA and her mother's favourite bands on the drive to the platform. They had laughed and Lily had told her about Andy.

Lily realised her mother did care for her. Petunia was wrong. Her mother adored her; her mother was proud of her; her mother thought she was the best thing since the quadratic formula. Her mother was so happy to move out of Cokeworth, to be home. Her grief had turned into adoration for her youngest daughter, who was so alike to her dead husband. As the car had jostled down, feeling free, Lily couldn't help but compare herself to Petunia, who had done terribly to her A-Levels. Petunia's one up, a boyfriend, was gone. Lily, for the first time ever, felt superior to Petunia.

"Andy from Cokeworth." Lily said, pushing her left shoulder forward and giving a coy smile. "August of 1976. 'Twas a short lived romance, because Andy from Cokeworth was a very wet kisser. Andy from Cokeworth thought I represented the colour pink, which was entirely problematic in of itself. Andy from Cokeworth liked football, bless him-"

Lily made an excellent mother. She was motherly and studious. She could be like Alice and Frank, who knew the line, had principles, but had fun. She was not Liza Montgomery. She would be a mini-Alice. Yes. She could look after fourth years and third years. Alice had an identity crisis in sixth year, too. She dated Ethan McDougal, which was a red flag in and of itself.

Well, ladies and gentlemen, Lily declared the identity crisis over, one short-lived cruel summer over, one short-lived fling easily forgotten. Andy from Cokeworth was a fun three weeks and a platform for bigger and better things.

And the first benefactor of this new Lily was Hannah Smith, she decided. Hannah Smith needed her.

The train rattled and jostled, as Lily Evans sat next to Remus Lupin, wiggling an eyebrow at Alice, who sat at the back, in total awe of Frank, as he explained the changes to the prefect system that he had no doubt been developing for the past seven years, in proper Frank Longbottom style. Lily ignored her ambivalence and focused on the year to come, fiddling with her hair so that it fell down her shoulders in two short braids.

Lily Evans had moved on.

The World is But A Stage

ENTER, James Potter. He is standing outside the Dining Hall. He looks angsty. He is tapping his foot, with his satchel around his waist.

POTTER: This reminds me of the time we tried coke.

PETTIGREW: We tried coke?

Sirius Black enters Stage Left, following James and with Remus, who is reading. He looks tired and sickly, as if back in second year.

BLACK: James and I tried Coke. You offered to stand watch.

PETTIGREW: Oh. Right.

He is clearly disgruntled. It was highly recommended he stood watch, on account of his poor stomach, but he took it as poor exclusion- James saw it as purely practical, given the one time he tried LSD that they refused to talk about.

BLACK: Do you remember Tarini Palkar?

POTTER: Who?

BLACK: She's passing by.

The four boys watch a tall, pretty girl pass by. Potter and Black make an 'o' shape with their mouth.

POTTER: Who was Palkar again?

LUPIN: She was in Geography- you know- she liked tennis- brought a racquet around with her everywhere in second year- she follows Leah Matthews around like they all do- Madeline likes her- I think-

POTTER: That's- that's- Tarini Palkar?

LUPIN: Yes.

POTTER: No way.

BLACK: No way.

POTTER: Tarini Palkar's boobs aren't that big.

LUPIN: If it happened to Madeline, it can happen to anyone.

ENTER Lily Evans and Co, Stage Right.

The joys of Tarini Palkar's breasts have been transferred to one Lily Evans, who walks into the dining hall, in her school uniform. She is waiting for Dorcas to tie her shoelaces and helping lead lost second-years. Her school uniform has been amended to include an emerald-green scarf and is without her collared shirt, which shows a small but noticeable amount of cleavage. The added one-inch has meant that her school skirt is shorter, which produces the same effect.

James Potter's mouth reforms an 'o' shape.

Sirius Black smacks James Potter.

Dorcas Meadowes walks in, wearing a likewise set. Her face seems to have been perfectly sculpted- it is hard to deny that her legs look like they have come from the Olympics. It is hard to deny the subconscious attractiveness ranking of all four boys has been altered, with her ascending right to the top. This is evidenced by the very large erection Peter Pettigrew has just been punished with.

Remus Lupin catches sight of this, and with vivid flashbacks to August, exits the stage in hopes of reviving his sentiments and will to live with some dinner.

Meadowes looks at them, closes her eyes. A ravenclaw kicks a rugby ball- with excellent reflexes, she catches it with both hands. With a nod, she kicks it back. It is a very good kick. She nods her head at James Potter.

EXIT Dorcas Meadowes.

EXIT Peter Pettigrew's erection.

ENTER Dorcas Meadowes. She is tying her shoelaces by the front of the hall, near the big-chested suit of armour.

ENTER Peter Pettigrew's erection, centre-stage.

EXIT Remus Lupin's will to live, who seems to be the only one aware of Peter Pettigrew's sexual fantasies.

ENTER Madeline Clarke. She is talking to Cordelia King about the differences in Siamese head shapes.

ENTER Remus Lupin's will to live.

Ballerinas

Dorcas tapped James Potter after dinner, as he walked out of the hall. "Potter. Can we talk?"

"Please don't ask me out." He said. "I'll break your heart, and then all your friends will hate me-"

"Please don't ever assume I'm attracted to you." Dorcas said firmly. "For the sake of us all."

"But you are."

"Potter." She said waringly. "I'm going to be straight with you. I want to try out for rugby."

She expected him to dismiss her, to say she was a girl, no way possible, but he blinked. "Alright. You can just show up- you know-"

"I'm a girl, Potter."

"So? You can use the bathroom to change."

"Oh." She said, "I've been practising all summer."

"I know." He said. "Sirius said you were good."

"I don't know what position suits me best."

"We can put you on the wing." He said. "I know we put all the newbies on the wing, but well. I don't think you're strong enough for prop-"

"I'm fast." She said, "And I have a good cross-kick."

"I know." He said.

"I won't make a fuss if I don't get in." She said, "I'll show up and do my bit. But- but take me seriously. Alright? I really like rugby. I really, really like it. It's not because I'm trying to impress anyone."

There was a brilliant look in her eyes, a wonder, as she spoke about the game. James could tell that she really cared. It would be politically advantageous, he thought, to have Meadowes loyal to him. And she seemed mature enough to back off. Really, he didn't see the big deal out of it anyways. Whatever girls lacked, Meadowes looked like she would work for it. Good on her.

"Look, Meadowes." He said. "There are about 60 Gryffindors. We don't exactly have cream of the crop for a team? We make a big deal out of it, but really, I'd much rather you than some idiot third year who thinks he deserves to be on it."

"Weren't you that?"

"I was a brilliant player, thank you very much. I could do more press-ups than Hooper Senior any day. Screw Hooper Senior"

"So I'll show up to trials?" She said, "I have a gum guard. I just don't have boots."

"You know what, Meadowes?" He said. "If you make the team, I'll buy you a pair. Heck- I'll buy you two pairs. You can use Sirius's old pair from third year for training. You look like you have the same size feet."

"Sirius has small feet?"

"Sirius has extraordinarily dainty feet." James said. "Like a ballerina."

"I'll ballerina my way onto the team, then."

"Well, we have enough brutes." James shrugged. "What harm can a ballerina do?"

(Bluebell) or (Sandalwood)

It all started when Tarini Palkar got pretty.

A number of girls had gotten pretty, though the specific echelons of pretty and degree of such transformations were varied. Some were subtle, things you'd only notice if you spent time with girls. More so catalysts for more confident walks and more eager flirting.

However, the gossip mill (not led by Leah Matthews, for once) was churning. Tarini Palkar, a Hufflepuff noted for her formerly plump state, had arrived in school significantly taller, skinnier, but having retained her breasts. Even Sirius Black admitted she was fit. If anyone really knew Tarini, which nobody apparently did, knew she was not the sort of girl who entertained the thought of sleeping with Sirius Black, but believed it her god-given destiny. Nonetheless, she was now considered rather beautiful, and the degree of such transformation meant that almost every social cell spoke about the tremendous beauty of Tarini Palkar, even if only for a moment.

Tarini Palkar's newfound fame caused great chaos in the Hufflepuff sector of the sixth year, because Leah Matthews, leader of the Hufflepuff girls, found herself entertaining horrible thoughts, such as Tommy Shane looking at her for longer than three seconds (the approved time in Leah Matthews's mind), or even worse, her former boyfriend, Bertram Aubrey, looking at her exploitatively. Even worse, she saw him look outrightly at Lily Evans, who was busy spooning the Gyrffindor Girls food innocently.

Over the course of two days, three of the Hufflepuff girls decided they would rather go for a walk with Tarini. This was because Tommy Shane and his posse wanted to go for a walk with Tarini Palkar. Tarini, who had been treated poorly by Leah Matthews, had dismissed the notion of such a friendship with her former leader. Chaos had ensued.

The very structures that Hufflepuff operated on had been torn down. Leah Matthews had a new challenger. The lies in which she had ruled from, that constructed her palace of bones, that she was beautiful, that she was popular, were called into question. Any good social authoritarian would be in full-blown panic by now.

This turned into more and more night walks, though Tarini refused to entertain any thought of a romantic getaway with Tommy Shane, who had taken great interest in her pretty almond eyes and sleek black hair. Frankly, she was rather irritated by the whole affair. She wanted to meet Sirius Black behind the Greenhouses to have her first smoke and maybe shag. Hannah Oats, Leah's most loyal lieutenant, put the nail in the coffin when she joined such a nightly outing.

Really. You'd think people would have more loyalty, after how well Leah had treated her posse.

Now, the Hufflepuffs were always infighting, and Leah would win, eventually, and fool herself into believing she had a chance with Tommy Shane. Hufflepuffs were practically catholic, at the rate they had scandals. No one paid much attention, except for a few boys, who were intrigued by the promise of Tarini Palkar.

However, Leah had had enough. There was no way Tommy Shane could be so vehemently interested in Tarini without a sexual component. And as any good social authoritarian did, she had called in her secret policy, her lackeys, for discussion and gossip, to ensure their loyalty and to send those who left her to the gulags.

Leah was leaning against a bathroom countertop, with her remaining two followers. They stayed because they knew she would treat them well for the next two months, out of loyalty. Leah, unfortunately, was an ugly girl who tried too hard to be pretty. Her thin hair, which was exposed as even thinner by her curl pattern, she over-straightened, leaving it frizzy and more like a lunch lady's hair net than hair. She wore thick pearls that made her look elderly and she tried to roll her socks down in an effort to look mysterious, but looked rather odd.

Leah was exceptionally proud of her stature as a gossip. She was also exceptionally proud of the fact that she had been chosen as prefect. She liked to wear the badge like a necklace. Unfortunately, it had not quite hit her that in order to do cool and mysterious things, such as rolling your socks down, wearing your tie like a hair scarf a-la-Marlene McKinnon before Sirius Black tells you it makes your face look fat, that you have to be pretty, Or at least friends with cool people. Even more unfortunately for Leah, she had surrounded herself with friends who affirmed her belief it flattered her.

They denied the fact that it looked better on the other pretty girls of the school, the select few deemed by the male social hierarchy, namely a few key rugby players (James Potter, Sirius Black, Liam Alton, so and so). They also denied that the fundamental reason Leah Matthews was ugly was because of the manner in which she behaved, as a full-on gender traitor, later exposed this winter, suggesting a fundamental crack in her beauty she could never fix with pearls or socks and so on.

Cordelia King wore pearl earrings, similar to Leah's (which was where she got the idea from, but could never wear pearl earrings- that was Cordelia's thing). The way Dorcas Meadowes wore embroidered socks, with little flowers, that Mary made for her birthday. Lina Hoffman, who casually wore black tights, completely violating dress code, though no male prefect bothered to check with her, because, well. The two Ravenclaw male prefects had slept with her, famously and not so famously, and Cordelia was unlikely to dress code her. Lina never caused trouble in class, not enough to be dress coded.

Lily Evans wore her headbands and her hats, the sleek green that fell across her head elegantly, her baker-boy hat making her look more autumnal than ever. Madeline wore ribbons in her hair and had long replaced the buttons of her shirt with little daisy pins that Liesel had given her- she used to say 'Make love, Not War' as a catchphrase until Ivan painfully explained what it meant. Marlene took a spare tie and used it to toss her hair into a ponytail, on account of hating modern hair ties.

'They caused breakage', she declared. 'Frizz'.

Tarini Palkar, it was revealed, liked bluebell and sandalwood perfume, though not a combination. Single scents suited her. Well. Some said she liked bluebell; some said she liked sandalwood. A lot of things were said about Tarini Palkar. Not a lot of them were true. Very little of it came from Tarini Palkar herself.

Leah Matthews tried to emulate such a look, but to no extent. She believed that such things would make her pretty. Unfortunately for Leah Matthews, these things were pretty because their wearers were pretty. Even if Leah Matthews was pretty, she was so rude and so disliked by most that it would erase any prettiness.

It was said they had more coups in the Hufflepuff dorm than they did in the Middle East and South America combined. Leah Matthews was well-versed in matters of rebellion. She shrugged it off.

"I mean," She began, in the fourth floor bathroom adopted as headquarters, "Tarini isn't even that pretty. And you remember when she had that crush on Josh Ross?"

She said that to Olivia Fairley, who had developed a large crush on her close friend Josh Ross over the summer. Tarini, for the most part, was not studious, though she was smarter than Leah, whose highest mark had been an A in Geography (all the Marauders, for reference, even Peter, had earned an A star for the subject).

Tarini was pretty, now. Leah didn't know much about Tarini. She was mostly quiet. She liked to dance. She liked ABBA, but they all liked ABBA. She liked the Supremes. She didn't care about school. She wanted to party, have fun, sleep with hot boys and live a lot. This was easy to ignore when she was overweight and quiet, but her sentiments had come into full throttle now that she had the superficial assets to prove it.

Leah Matthews, who was the queen of information, did not have information on Tarini Palkar. Which irritated her, because the Hufflepuff girls traded so much judgemental banter that they knew no girl from another house would befriend them. It was all rather horrid.

"She fancies Josh?" Olivia said, looking down, knowing full well if she did, then Olivia had no chance, being mousey haired and rather quiet.

"Yes." Said Pauline Dunbar, who Leah had found one time giving a blow-job to Evan Rosier, which meant that she was indebted to Leah for life, for fear of her reputation being destroyed (or so she believed- in reality, no one really cared about Pauline Dunbar). "She used to meet him at night."

"She did?" Olivia said, looking down.

"Don't worry." Leah said. "Tommy will bore with her in a week."

In all seriousness, sometimes I do wonder why 57% of the Hufflepuff infighting was caused by a man named Tommy Shane. Honestly. There were bigger things to worry about, such as nuclear energy and the change of sauce provided with the intention of being eaten with crumpets from chocolate to strawberry.

"Obviously." Olivia said. "He's Tommy Shane."

"Tommy's the best thing that happened to this stupid place." Leah said, taking out red nail polish and painting them over her chipped nail polish, the way Cordelia did sometimes, except Cordelia had long eloquent fingers, with artistic flair, because she was good at everything.

"Did you hear?" Pauline said, which was gold in Hufflepuff girl world. "Cordelia King got 97% on all her O-Levels."

"That's rubbish." Leah said- it was. Completely inaccurate. She got an average of 94.5%.

"No, it's true." Pauline said. "I heard it from Marissa who heard it from Evie-"

"I don't get why everyone likes Cordelia King." Leah said, despite the fact that she was once friends with her.

"Because she's only pretty."

"I like Cordelia." Oliva said. Leah rolled her eyes, ironically crossing her legs in the manner Cordelia did. Frankly, it was quite obvious that ever since Tommy Shane (really? All this over a guy named Tommy Shane, I ask?) had asked Cordelia out, who sweetly fell in love with any guy who gave her attention and believed them all to be true, she had taken to emulating her with some sad sycophantic passion.

"Whatever." Leah said. "Tarini irks me. I don't know why."

"She gives me the creeps."

"Frankly," Leah said, "I think she's ugly."

"She is."

"She's not that smart."

"She got a D on her O-Levels, you know. For biology."

"For biology? Even I got an A on my biology exam." This was a lie, but the girls didn't quite care.

"Tommy should stay away from her."

"I think so too. It's in his best interests."

"He only wants to sleep with her."

"I heard she slept with Sirius Black in the toilet."

"I heard Sirius Black slept with Evie."

"Really?"

"Evie slept with Ethan McDougal, you know."

"And he slept with Merida Diggory."

"And Merida slept with Miles Stebbins."

"Tommy Shane's probably fucking her, you know."

"She looks the type to be fucking Tommy." Leah said. "She probably has diseases."

"If she's scurrying with that lot- I mean- Ethan McDougal's slept with Lina Hoffman, and Lina definitely has some form of a disease."

"Tarini smells so bad. Like a zoo." Leah declared. "Positively horrid. Hasn't even heard of deodorant."

"She looks like she could have a disease."

"She doesn't take care of herself."

"Her hair looks greasier than Snape's."

"He gives me such creeps."

"Totally."

"I almost feel bad for Evans."

"I forgot they were friends, really."

"It was funny, what he called her."

"Potter was in such an uproar when he heard."

"When I saw his bits, I nearly gagged."

"They looked like- like- they had crusted cheese."

This was a sore point for Leah, who fancied Bertram Aubrey who notoriously decided he fancied Lily Evans before the end of exams, which had worsened over the summer. Though she also nursed a crush on Tommy Shane, but still wanted nothing to do with Lily Evans. Pauline recognized this and changed the subject.

"We ought to recommend that the nurse see her." Pauline said. "She won't go. She'll be too embarrassed."

"It's in her best interests."

"She's playing with a den of vipers."

"Really. Boys these days are so careless."

Of course, none of this was true. Tarini Palkar actually smelt better than the rest of them combined, on account of her sandalwood or bluebell perfume (no one knew). Leah Matthews adjusted her pearls and tried to put on red lipstick, the way Carmen Parisi did. It landed on her teeth and the girls pretended not to notice when she dug food out with her pinky finger, eating a bit of nail polish.

Nobody expected Olivia Fairley to tell Madam Pomfrey a ring of sexual diseases had spread through the school. Nobody expected Tarini Palkar to be inspected for blisters, along with a slur of other girls (mostly Tarini's newfound friends) Olivia had tearfully named, because it had been announced that Josh Ross was asking out Hannah Oats by Leah one morning (this was also not true). Olivia herself claimed that she had slept with Ethan McDougal (not true in the slightest) and was scared.

Of course, the girls were eager to rat out who their friends had been sleeping with, and once it hit the dining hall, the concern of having interacted with any male member prompted you to believe that you had been infected with syphilis, herpes and all sorts of medivial disease Olivia Fairley had tearfully proclaimed she had (among others, rubella, though that was not a sexually transimitted disease. No one criticised her in her tearful state).

And obviously, this was all forgotten when Josh Ross asked Olivia Fairley to Hogsmeade three days later, but the damage was done. Olivia 'forgot' she had slept with Ethan McDougal, who in all fairness, had no idea who she was. Leah moved on to discussing why Lily Evans was despicable (despite the fact that Lily Evans, admittedly, was quite boring in most regards).

And naturally, it came to bite Frank Longbottom in the arse.

English Breakfast

It had been the Friday before Frank's famous podium moment.

Frank Longbottom was retying his tie outside of Professor McGonagall's office, brushing a stray chunk of blonde hair in the reflection of a suit of armour when he had been informed of the shenanigans of the Hufflepuffs. Frank Longbottom was a very good tie-retyer, if there was such a word. He expected the meeting- she was invested in the going on of Gryffindor rugby. Frank had an inkling she wanted to play when she was younger. Clearly now, she wanted to discuss matters of the head's office, set precedent, explain his duty, that sort of thing. Prefect schedules and that sort of thing. Detention supervising.

He took a good look at his arms. He flexed them for a moment. Alice liked his arms. She said they were thicker than logs and that they were very attractive, and to prove a point, she had taken the spare dorm key he had given her and carved her name into the back of his bedpost with a pen. Well. She had written 'A.F lurves F.L's arms', but it was better to think of just her name. It had taken a considerable amount of time, but Frank had managed to finish his physics homework since then.

The door opened- Sirius Black waved, as only Sirius Black could do after a good interrogation so soon into the school year.

"What happened, Professor?" He said, jerking his head towards his respective ward. Ward? He didn't quite know. The sixth years were now his charges, he supposed.

"Professor Slughorn, Vector, Flitwick and I all want him for the same day on detention."

"Jesus." Frank said, "Err, sorry Professor. First month blues?"

She said nothing, arranging cups and mugs. The kettle whirred. "You like twinings, correct?"

"Correct. English Breakfast, if you have."

"I do have. And a chocolate roll?"

"But it's a Friday, Professor." He said, in awe. Chocolate rolls were in short supply. He had missed chocolate rolls. It occurred to him he had one year of chocolate rolls left.

"I have early access." Professor McGonagall smiled. "The kitchen staff like me. We have a number of administrative tasks to discuss, unfortunately. Firstly, the school board feels that the previous head boys were not up to standard, if I may say so myself. It was not my idea to have David Edgecombe as head boy."

Frank kept a diplomatic silence.

"I hope you realise that the standards are simultaneously low and high." She said, "Edgecombe managed to rely entirely on Miss Wilson for everything and seemed to choose instead to operate some sort of brothel out of his dorm- well. The school board has decided to be competent, for once, if you don't mind my frankness, and thus, has made clear the expectations of a head boy."

Frank had long learnt the art of the diplomatic silence from an interrogation book Ethan had given him. Thus, he continued it.

"Two sugars?" She asked. Frank nodded. She slid across a chocolate roll. He nibbled it, rabbit like.

"I am sorry to burden you with this." She sighed. "Just keep in mind the board members and their respective families- they really don't care for a Gryffindor head boy."

"I know." He said. "But I have ideas. For events and things."

"You do?"

"Mhm."

"Well, first off, Madam Pince has been asking for years if the headmaster could read out the reservations for library books. Unfortunately, the school board has requested that the head boy read out the student library requisitions at a new school assembly. They're making a great deal of changes this year."

Frank must've made a face, because she let out a long sigh. "Furthermore, and I'm sorry to have to burden you with this, but a number of girls have gone to Madam Pomfrey claiming that a number of their friends have- well- developed- diseases."

"Diseases?"

"Sexual diseases."

"Oh Lord."

"And thus," Professor McGonagall said, with a great sigh. "The heads of department thought it would be best if you called the respective rugby teams together and demonstrated how to prevent the spread of such- diseases. It'll have to be you, given the nature of the situation."

"Professor." Frank said, fearing his reputation and respect would soon go down the drain, "You are aware those claims were false, right? It's all to do with some cat fight between-"

"Yes, I know." She sighed. "Unfortunately, the claims were that the girl had slept with a vast number of rugby team members, and thus-"

"Shouldn't the rugby captain of the respective house talk to his team?"

"Well." Professor McGonagall said, sliding her glasses down as she checked her notes. "When prompted, allegedly, the girls, who shall not be named, had slept with- let me get this straight, Ethan McDougal, Sirius Black, Steven Abbott, Thomas Shane, Mr. Stebbins, though I am sure he is at the University of Bath, despite having flunked his A-Levels, and a great number of Slytherin boys. There was a great deal of additional information that was entirely unnecessary, but I will spare you the details. Nonetheless, there has been a serious claim of an outbreak of sexual diseases in this school, and thus, it was recommended you speak to the boys involved, demonstrate on how to prevent the spread of such diseases, recommend overall abstinence and encourage your peers to talk to Madam Pomfrey about proper sexual behavior."

Frank looked green.

"But you had ideas, you said?" She asked, looking hopeful. "About programs?"

Moustache

It was the first morning of the term, the second day of school, if you will. Lily Evans was writing her A-Level selection form- Physics, Chemistry, Biology, Maths and Further Maths. Hogwarts, on account of specialised timetables and progressive education, encouraged top students to pursue such a timetable, on account they drop one subject by seventh year. This was afforded by minimal travel time and prime studying at boarding school, as well as the fact that further maths O-Level covered the fundamental basics of Maths A-Level and half of Further Maths A-Level, so much so that it was essentially a free period.

That was the official language of the Board. The School Board just really hated their students. Andy had taken Further Maths O-Level and didn't know half of what Lily spoke about, although Andy said he was predicted a G for Further Maths, so that could've been it.

Lily looked quite proud at her selection. Most likely, she would drop Physics next year, something in biochemistry, or medicine, or maths, would suit her more. She looked at Dorcas- some combination of Chemistry, Maths and English. Madeline's A-Level prospects was saved by the fact that she had read most of the English course and spoke fluent French, plus carried the secure plan B of marrying someone rich. Marlene was proudly taking physics, maths and economics.

McGonagall took it, nodding proudly. "Good choices, girls. I'm glad to see two of you taking physics."

"No girls takes physics." Marlene whispered to Lily.

"I'm sure some will take it. Some people did well in O-Level."

"Like who?"

"Well. Um. Pauline did well."

"Who?"

"Pauline- you know Pauline Dunbar- she took Geography-"

"Who?"

"Had dyed hair- cut her own bangs- had a massive crush on Professor Grant- is taking A-Level art- she painted that picture of the tornado-"

"The one that looked like a crooked penis?"

"Yes."

"Oh, that Pauline." Marlene said. "Jesus, Lily, you're a saint. I don't know anybody's names."

"It's decent manners."

"Right." Marlene said, pointing to a plump third year. "Who's that?"

"Catherine Porter. She's in third year- she got lost and I helped her once- she's really sweet-"

"Her?"

"Emma Woodbury- she's got a fat crush on Derek Alton- I overheard her saying that once in the library-"

"Him?"

"Come on, that's Hannah Oats."

"Who?"

"Hannah Oats!"

"Who?"

"You don't know Hannah Oats? You got into a fight with her one time because she called Mary a loser behind her back and you called her a no good walrus who needed braces and had the nose of an elephant."

"Oh, her."

"How could you forget?"

"How could I remember?"

"I guess I'm just observant."

Lily sighed and got up. "Isn't today supposed to be the first day of classes?"

"They're enforcing re-education camps on us." Dorcas said.

"What?"

"The school board." Dorcas declared, "Has decided that because of the lack of a solid English teacher for the past, I don't know, decade, our English skills are horrible, and are thus severely concerned about our ability to write university applications."

"Well, it's their bloody fault."

"Couldn't keep a teacher for more than a year."

"Gave us Professor Lee."

"Bless her. She'll probably pop up and cry."

"What can they do about it?"

"They're forcing us to take English lessons." Dorcas said. "Extra English lessons. On comprehension and stuff. Re-doing O-Level stuff, because so many Hufflepuffs failed it. Make us write essays."

"Re-doing O-Levels?" They groaned.

"We don't even get a certificate." Dorcas said. "Alice was telling us about it. Even the kids who do English A-Level have to suffer through it."

"It's some house-bonding exercise the school board came up with. All sixth form students have to do it. We meet with another house and we do exercises to rebuild our English and teamwork."

"God help us all."

"Why can't they fix the bloody girl's bathroom on the second floor?"

"God, give me strength."

"Tell me we're not with Slytherins."

"Tell me we're not with Hufflepuffs."

Dorcas took a sigh. "We're with the Ravenclaws."

"Oh, thank God." Marlene said. "Maybe we can be best friends with Lina and Cordelia and can finally be popular."

"We are popular."

"Because of association with Madeline and that lot."

They turned to Madeline, who was reading on the bench, shoes off, humming Disney songs to herself, and Peter Pettigrew, who was secretly picking his nose, James Potter, secretly itching his armpit, and Sirius Black, looking wistfully at Carmen Parisi.

"Where's Remus?"

"He had an asthma attack." Mary said, sending a jolt up Lily's spine. "Apparently, Madeline forgot to wipe off Aslan's fur, and she tried to dance with him, which meant a shit-ton got stuck on her sweater. She feels horrible."

"So that's why she was late?"

"She feels terrible." Mary said, entirely deadpan. "She normally brushes Aslan to death, so the fur doesn't trigger an attack, but in the rush of it all, she forgot to do it last week. She's reading so nobody can see that she cried, and she's singing Once Upon a Dream because it makes her feel better."

No one talked about how no one did such a thing for Mary with her allergies, but Mary didn't seem to mind. "Also, Bertram is staring at you, Lily."

They all turned to look at Bertram Aubrey, who quickly looked at his sausages, crumpets, eggs, orange juice, muffin and collection of spinach and mushrooms. Liam Alton was stretching out, looking as deadpan as Mary, listening to Cordelia talk about the reading she had done on Coulomb's law. His arms were very-well muscled, Lily thought. He was very well-muscled. He had- he had very nice hands, with loads of veins. He was very tall.

It was rather attractive that he didn't smile. Something primal about the fact.

"They've destroyed Professor Grant's classroom." Mary said, as Dorcas lifted her up so she could see through the window. "They've put couches in it."

"Oh God."

"Oh Double God."

"I bet she's going to make us write essays about our personal life."

"Not only did that wretched- american- skank steal away Professor Grant, she made us have this awful new teacher. How atrocious. I think the proper solution would be to throw myself off the French Tower."

Lily walked into the classroom, crossing her legs next to Dorcas. There was a bit of an awkward scur duffle, a rearrangement of the social order brought by the absence of Remus Lupin, but Cordelia moved to sit with Liam, Lina sitting next to Madeline protectively, which to anyone who followed the supposed social hierarchy (namely Leah Matthews and her posse) would find most concerning. The logical process was that Madeline Clarke was supposed to hate Lina Hoffman, and yet, she did not.

Lily looked on at Cordelia, inspecting her. Liam never wrote about her. Cordelia was the most beautiful girl in their year. There was no denying it. Lily did like Cordelia. She was, well. Perfect. There wasn't much in her that wasn't perfect. Pristine. The perfect posh daughter (perhaps she had one flaw- she claimed that her parents were middle-class, when they were in fact, rich professors at Oxford of both Shakespeare and Theology, which suggested a substantial income).

Cordelia fiddled with her earrings, looking at Lina, but scanned the room, looking at the empty couch where the Marauders were supposed to sit. The classroom had been empty. Were they late?

Lily fiddled with her bracelet, self-soothing, focusing on the whiteboard. The Ravenclaws were dead silent, and the girls didn't quite care enough to talk.

"They said this is going to be all-day." Cordelia whispered to Liam. "When I asked McGonagall and Flitwick."

"God help us all." Liam said to himself. "I hate English."

"I do too."

He said nothing, staring at the front of the classroom. A good five minutes passed. No marauder. No teacher. The classroom was decorated with posters of Saigon and Ceylon, of Cape Town and Rio, of Mexico and Thailand. Great big posters of Hamlet and My Fair Lady productions.

"Do you think she knows Oklahoma?" Madeline said to herself, singing the tune from Oklahoma. "Perhaps West Side Story- Maria, Maria, Maria-"

Just before Madeline was about to give a full aria and rendition of the entire West Side Story musical, which she tended to do when she was stressed, to everyone's chagrin, because despite the girl's princess-like tendencies, she could not sing for her life, Mrs Peeves walked in. Liam Alton and Cordelia sat up straighter.

"Good morning, my little sixth years!" She said, raising her arms. A great deal of gold bangles dangled; she was wearing mustard tassel earrings and long, loose pants that had an odd print on them. She even had a neck tattoo. The greatest crime of all- hot pink lipstick. Dorcas looked as if she had seen a spider, her face was so compressed, but really, she was trying not to laugh.

"Dumbledore strikes again with his English hires." Lily whispered.

"My name-" She said, turning around, throwing a shawl onto the floor- "Is Mrs. Teresa Peeves. You may call me Madam Peeves, or Mrs. Teresa, or Miss Teresa. Marriage is a social construct anyways. Yes. I suppose you should wonder what my qualifications is- well- I was Ophelia in the 1964 production of Hamlet in Edinburgh-"

"Oh God." Lily muttered to herself. "A failed actor. What's new?"

"And then I started teaching in Ceylon- yes- Ceylon- and then Hong Kong- are you from Hong Kong? Nee kah yee shuo Zhong wen marh?" She said, turning to Liam, overly annunciating her words in what did not sound like the Chinese Nikki and Alex spoke. Lily cringed.

"I'm Japanese." Liam said, with an entirely straight face. "Not Chinese."

"Oh. Right." She said, "Well, we are all part of one big global family- all came from Africa- not China- anyways, I taught in Israel, nearly got shot by Mossad-"

"She's batty. She's absolutely batty." Lily said to herself. "She's mad."

"Anyways- my son is studying philosophy, politics and economics in Cambridge." She said, "My other son is studying medicine in Cambridge. My youngest, yes, darling Percival, he is not young for Hogwarts. He's going to be at Eton, you see, so I'll only stay for a year-"

Normally, a statement like this would've lost the respect of the student body, but given that she had already lost it by choosing to wear those blasted tassel earrings, it was more a statement of relief. This would be a uniting feature of the student body, a common small talk question. Bad teachers always were. Friendships that would last six months based entirety on the hatred of this woman would be formed- a great deal of tomfoolery-

"Well." She said, "I thought we should start by playing a game. We'll meet after class every Monday, but we have the whole day today, as they sort out your timetables-"

"She's not even doing the roll." Lily whispered to Dorcas.

"I am not teaching the younger students-" She said, dreamily. "I am a trained English teacher, but I much prefer drama-"

"Oh, thank God." Lily said to herself. "Dumbledore hasn't officially lost his marbles."

"But I have gotten my sons into Cambridge." She said, and there was a gleam in her eye that Lily recognized. The gleam of elitism. The green light. "And my husband works for Barclays. I know how to get you all into top universities, and you will get there, with my guidance. But first- we have to develop authenticity. Can you say that, you sir?"

She pointed at Liam, who blinked. "I can speak English, Miss."

"No, annunciate it." She said, "Annunciate."

This was highly ironic, given that annunciate meant to announce- she meant enunciate.

"Authenticity." He said, through gritted teeth. Lina Hoffman glared at her.

"Brilliant!" She said, "Authenticity- travel brings authenticity. All of you should travel- see the world! Now, please, you, in the back, yes, you- the blonde-"

There was some confusion over which blonde she was pointing to, considering there were three blondes in the room.

"Not you, blonde number one-" She said, dismissing Madeline, who got up, nor Claire Oliver, the other mousy-haired 'blonde' Ravenclaw who never spoke. "You. Yes, you. You have authenticity."

Marlene shuffled over, mortified. "We are going to play a game." Mrs. Peeves said, waving her hands and stepping on a stool. "Pass the present game. You must act out like you are giving a gift. Receive it, you sir, yes, you, the Japanese-"

Liam blinked. "Line up, line up, in a circle. Move your arms, feel the air, feel the authenticity-"

Lily was suddenly very jealous of the Marauders, who had clearly skipped class. Sometimes, she wished she shared their hidden, but tactful, foresight.

Two humiliating hours later, they were dismissed for break. Mrs. Peeves, in her infinite wisdom, knocked over a stack of books, sending Mary to the hospital wing. Marlene, Dorcas and Madeline offered to accompany her, Marlene hoping to support Mary and get out of this god-awful session, Madeline hoping to see Remus. Dorcas tagged along, hoping to avoid any potential mishaps on Mrs. Peeve's end.

Lily walked by herself, feeling particularly in a good mood. Despite not smoking, on account of her oversleeping disastrously, she was in need of a good sandwich. School uniform was not as tight as her home clothes, anyways, thanks to Mrs. Clarke.

There was a gathering of footsteps, hearty sounds that made their way from the group of Ravenclaws insulting Mrs. Peeves on account of her intellectualism, but a particular pair walking up to Lily. She turned to see Bertram Aubrey, who was grinning cockishly. Lily turned behind her, to look at Lina, who gave her two thumbs up.

"Morning, Evans." He said, triumphantly. Oh God. Did he really think she would say yes? Jesus Christ. She didn't know whether to be flattered or insulted by the fact that Bertram Aubrey fancied her, and therefore thought he had a chance with her.

"Morning." Lily said, too polite to let go. Jesus Christ- he had grown a moustache. Ethan McDougal had grown a moustache, but Ethan was supremely tall and 200 pounds of pure, bulky muscle. He was allowed a moustache. Betram Aubrey's moustache had bits of egg in it and was thin in places. Lily grimaced internally. She felt weird deja-vu.

"She's batty, isn't she?"

"Sure is, Aubrey. Sure is."

"What a weirdo."

"Totally."

"Listen, I was wondering-"

"Oh, for fuck's sake." Lily said, rather loudly, growing frustrated. "Why does it always happen in September?"

Betram Aubrey realised what she had just said, and Lina let out a hearty laugh. Cordelia hit her, and then offered Betram a supportive thumbs up.

"You need to let me finish!" He said, grabbing her arm. Lily recoiled and walked faster.

"Listen, I don't want to catch something. Please don't touch me. I can't have a cold- Slughorn always gives us a test the first day back- and if you give me a cold, I'll make sure you never live again-"

"Hey, Evans, Jesus-"

Lily closed her eyes. "Look- Aubrey-"

"Well, at least let me ask you out."

"No, thank you."

"No need to be a bitch about it!"

"Aubrey, look, let me save you the letdown. I have no interest in going out with you!"

"Why not? We'd be fantastic!"

"For starters, you have egg in your moustache. Second of all, the moustache. Third of all, the moustache. Fourth of all, the moustache! Fifth of all, you are about as intelligent as a third year- as in a primary school third year- as in my sister, who failed her A-Levels, is smarter than you-"

"I'm a Ravenclaw!"

"So? You still have the brain cells of the lovechild of a walrus who slept with a pelican! A spotted pelican!"

"Come on, Evans!" He said, grabbing her arm once more, the other hand tapping his many, many greasy acne spots. She pulled back instantly.

"What do you even see in me?" She said.

"Well, you have a fantastic arse-"

"Oh, Jesus." She said, "I know I have a fantastic arse. It is a brilliant arse. They have a- they have a shrine of it in the London Museum. I don't need you and your moustache to tell me about how brilliant my arse is. Is that what you do in your free time? Stare at pictures of my arse?"

"Well, Potter does it, so I see no reason-."

"No offence." Lily said, looking straight at him. "If I said no to James Potter, then there's no way in hell I'd go out with you. You are a pig. With a moustache."

"I'll shave off the moustache!"

"Jesus." Lily said, walking off frantically. "I need a smoke and some vodka. This day has been too much. I need some- some- some- authenticity."

She looked back to glare at Lina Hoffman, who looked like she was about to piss herself from laughter (though admittedly, Bertram Aubrey's inflated, confused face was rather funny, especially considering he truly thought he could land a girl like Lily Evans), but then she saw it.

Was Liam- was he- was he- was that-

Was that a smile?

Frank Longbottom's Trials and Tribulations

Frank Longbottom had walked up to the podium, tapping the microphone. It was the first Monday of the school week. It was nearing the end of the month. The entire school looked positively dead. A great deal of girls were drooling onto their palms; Peter Pettigrew was sleeping like a naked Jesus on the school floor. Frank Longbottom cringed as he walked up, climbing each stair with dread. God help his social life.

The great inspection of Hufflepuff's genitals had long passed, last week's news. Hadn't you heard? William Gardiner fancied Nikki from Gryffindor- yes- one of the Gryffindor asians-

"Ahem." He said. "Under new school policy, I'll be reading out notices every Monday morning- so I'd appreciate it if you could all be here. The school board has made- some- adjustments to things. Firstly, a number of fights have broken out in the corridors, and the caretaker would just like to remind you that there is now a minimum punishment of forty points and two detentions if you are involved in any way."

"In addition, all sixth and seventh years are not to skip the new sessions for university preparation- these are mandatory, by the school board, may I repeat, mandatory, and a valid excuse will be needed, signed by the head of house-"

He paused, looked at James Potter and Sirius Black, who had managed to start four fights this week, turned back to his notes, and sighed.

"No running in the corridors- please bring your textbooks to class and leave them in the allocated shelf- do not leave materials in the common room- it's the common room, people, not your room. Keep your dorms tidy. Prefects will now be inspecting dorms- the senior prefect, mind that, so unless you want your senior prefect seeing your knickers, I'd recommend keeping it tidy-"

He turned his file, taking a good look. This was the particularly dreadful part- he had complained about it to his dorm, and to Alice, to no end. Alice declared it sexism- of course, the Head Boy would be asked to address the school. Frank failed to bring up the fact that the School Board were 80% Slytherin and Frank was a Gryffindor. Half the school looked asleep, thank God. No wonder Edgecombe was this way. He cleared his throat.

"And Madam Pince has asked if I read out the reservations for books-" He said. No one looked up. God help us all.

"Right. To Hannah Oats, The Kissing Gate by Joyce Dingwell, that'll be in the romance section, in general fiction- Remus Lupin, In Cold Blood, general fiction as well- Madeline Clarke, Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep, by Philip K. Dick- that is an unfortunate name- general fiction-"

He began, until he paused. He looked up. He glared at James Potter. He sighed.

"Finally, How to Shower for the Average Loser Male. By Elizabeth Waterman, award-winning author of 'How to Get a Girlfriend for the Average Loser Male' and 'How to Make Friends for the Average Loser Male'. For Severus Snape. Non-fiction section. Please collect these on time, or else Madam Pomfrey will release your reservation and give it to someone else, and you will have to wait in turn again."

The hallway erupted in laughter. Frank needed coffee. He cleared his throat. "Thank you, everyone. Have a good day. Please can all members of each house's rugby team please see me in the rugby field changing room at exactly 5 o'clock today. Rugby Captains, please ensure all players are there, or else the deputy headmistress will be forced to take charge."

Frank got off the stage and walked over to Alice, eager to have his tea, pancakes, chocolate digestives and second cup of coffee. God. He hated this school.

Chemistry, or Lack Thereof

He had first seen Lily Evans standing by the platform when Bertram had come up to talk to him.

It was a loosely-kept secret among the Ravenclaws that Bertram had taken a bit of a fancy to Evans, but nobody teased him about it, because nobody really cared, and no one wanted Potter on their tails. Not when they had O-Levels, god forbid. Ravenclaws had better things to do. There had been a scuffle or two in the hallways, but Potter seemed to cling onto the notion that only he was worthy of Lily Evan's fancy, and did not consider Bertram as much of a threat.

So did Liam.

There was the whole Leah Matthews-Bertram affair they had all suffered. Logically, if Lily Evans turned down James Potter, there was no way in hell she was ever going to go out with Bertram Aubrey, who had grown out a thick moustache that made him look odd.

Apparently, Bertram's feelings had not changed, because he was eyeing Lily Evans exploitatively. Liam followed his gaze and looked around at the haggle of girls. Potter's insistence on Lily Evans confused him- it was logical that it was either Clarke or McKinnon. Clarke, on prior friendship, or McKinnon, on mutual boisterousness. Why Lily Evans? They bickered to no end. It was endlessly irritating for Liam, who really just wanted to do his biology practical in peace. But suddenly, Liam understood.

Cordelia and Lina waved at him, talking happily. Tommy Shane was eyeing Cordelia too- bastard. He looked too happy for his own good. He'd suffered many a rant about the evil of Tommy Shane, and many a rant on the evil of Steve Abbott.

Liam generally kept to himself. He was gifted with the ability to entertain himself and was one of the rare few who could tolerate the sanctity of his own mind. He'd befriended the rugby boys in second year and joined the team, though he didn't really feel like one of them. He liked rugby. He liked revising. It wasn't that he liked the accompanying fitness and intelligence that came from it- he liked the sheer will that both activities required. He liked the grit.

Cordelia and Lina came last year, because Cordelia and him found over patrols that they were actually quite similar. Studious characters with vaguely similar interests. Cordelia did not expect him to fall in love with her, as resident leading Ravenclaws. Cordelia listened in the rare moment of his frustration. He could talk to Cordelia about his problems.

His mother was talking to him sweetly, her jeans splattered with paint, her hair done in the style all her friends in Tokyo wore, and he hugged her properly, kissing her forehead. Derek waved her away and he carried his trunk onto the train, looking for the other Liam.

He passed by Evans as he walked on. She really was quite pretty, he had thought back in March. She had always been pretty, and he never grew bored talking to her, but there was a self-righteousness and coexisting victimhood considered by many to be her fatal flaw. That had gone away, evidently, as he recounted her letters, and the way she was dressing now.

He remembered her letters, which took a painfully long time to arrive. He quite liked the swoop of her handwriting, the little mannerisms of articulation she adopted, the run-on sentences she used. The vocabulary was certainly attractive and undeniably entertaining. The lexical structure was something else. The way she signed her name- Lily Evans, with a little three under the 'y', and another under the 's'.

'Have you ever heard how loud fireworks are? No wonder they are an American symbol- loud, boisterous and causes more cleanup than joy'

'Unfortunately, the average imbecile per capita rate for this town is quite low, but needless to say, Potter certainly does try to raise it, bless him-'

'Once again I am reminded of the fallacy of the Americans as I meet Madeline's mother. Madeline's boobs may be completely natural but her mother's nose and the perkiness after five children beg to differ'.

And then the words that had lingered in Liam's mind as he went to bed, sat on the aeroplane, in the car, as he revised maths, in the great hall as she ate-

I don't know why I'm telling you this, but I had my first kiss last night-

Oh, well. I sat in his lap on the way there and it was a dare-

I've got about five hickeys I have to hide from my mother-

I'm 99% percent sure I didn't lose my virginity (thank God)-

Thank God indeed.

He hadn't replied, on account of the postage time.

He had swallowed as he saw Steve Abbott, with his usual prefect's badge- oh. He didn't get Head Boy. It was logical, Edgecombe got it, and Ravenclaw had the longest-running precedent of head boys. Liam felt a guilty pleasure- put the odds in his favour. He was talking to a blonde fourth year happily, and then waved her off, as Selwyn came and rescued her. Derek eyed her in the same manner Bertram did Evans, which now that Liam thought about it, made him uncomfortable. No matter. Cordelia looked like she had something to tell him-

"Morning, Altons." Abbot said, shaking Liam and Derek's hand.

"Morning." Liam said.

"Good summer?"

"Hopefully."

Despite the frenzy in Liam's head, his face remained completely serious. Liam Alton was economical with his emotions, although he had gone into a budget deficit at the moment.

"Derek, are you going to try out for the team this term?" Steve asked. "Big reshuffle."

Derek shrugged, in typical Alton fashion, giving away no emotion. Liam knew he would- they had practised all summer. Derek was good. Very good. But Liam had made it clear to Derek he had the best chance of getting in if he indicated no interest and did not expect it. Steve Abbott did not tolerate people who expected things. That was the Alton way, brought by his father, hard work and grit, with a love for art and creativity, brought from his mother, though that was the secret side of them that few knew.

"Well, I hope you do."

With the worst timing of all, the Gryffindor girls walked in. Mary McDonald had completely changed her look, and McKinnon was looking nice, she too had changed her look. Meadowes looked spectacular, really, really spectacular. Clarke was beautiful, as always, but in all honesty, Liam realised he didn't fancy blondes the same way he did redheads.

And then, in Liam's despair, she waved at him.

He gave a little nod at the head, but she didn't turn to giggle with the rest of the friends, or any of the signs of romantic attraction, such as looking down and blushing, showing total ambivalence, and carried on, as McKinnon was talking about the glory of Steve Nicks.

Steve let loose a mournful look that was mixed with eagerness, as his eyes followed Clarke bitterly, as her eyes scanned the train, looking for Lupin, but then it was hard to deny the boyish attraction in his eyes as he looked at McKinnon and Meadowes-

He settled in his cabin, but Bertram was looking agitated, as Liam Douglas was talking about the time he put vanilla essence in his sister's porridge. Lina and Cordelia came to say hello, like oxygen atoms, wary of the other Ravenclaw girls. Carter looked at Lina eagerly.

It wasn't a very good memory- it was a blur of sentences.

"Liam!" Cordelia said, squeezing him tightly. Lina said nothing, looking undoubtedly amused, eyeing Betram's moustache and trying to suppress her laughter. Lina was a cold-hearted bitch, Liam felt, but she was honest and pragmatic and undoubtedly, completely loyal to Cordelia. That Liam respected. "You know Longbottom's head boy?"

"Really?" Liam Douglas asked. Liam looked off into the window- thinking of rugby- thinking of Tokyo- thinking of his cousins-

"Mhm." Cordelia said. "I suppose Steve's moral character was called into question last year."

They began to talk about Steve Abbott, who Liam did not know his feelings around, and suddenly, he heard Lina talk-

Lina shrugged something Liam Douglas had said off, and with typical Lina Hoffman tact, "The sex was better than the rest of you. Don't blame me."

That was somewhat embarrassing- and for once, he disliked Lina's crudeness- There was a great deal of banter- then suddenly-

"See you at the prefect meeting, Liam!" Cordelia waved, and they ran off and giggled. The boys looked around and realised that a notable force of them- Benjy, Carter, Boot, Liam himself, had all slept with Lina.

"I'm thinking of asking Lily out." Betram said, which sounded all-to-familiar to the pompousness Potter used, except for the moustache. The rest of them snickered. Liam turned to look at Bertram with canine assessment.

There it was.

"Save yourself the heartbreak, Aubrey." Carter had said. "She turned Potter down. Not going to happen."

"But I just think-" Bertram began, and Douglas clapped him on the back.

"It's alright. Plenty other fish in the sea." He shrugged, but a large commotion outside the hallways set their attention.

She had turned Betram down, which had been great entertainment. Mrs. Peeves had been horrible, really, really horrible, but that had left his mind, as she walked in front of them. She did have fantastic legs. Lovely legs. In the words of Steve Abbott: 'nothing beats the sudden biological attraction invoked when one sees a blonde, or a girl with thick thighs and a big arse'.

Steve Abbott really did have a way with words. Truly did. What a romantic, respectful man.

Lily Evans had a lot of opinions and she said them well- egg in his moustache- yes- that was funny- the moustache truly was horrendous.

He had hoped to sit next to her in Physics, but she had walked into Physics with McKinnon, and he could see she realised she was one of three girls in their year taking Physics, along with Cordelia. Cordelia was sitting next to Liam, though she looked to the front, not by way of her focused nature, but rather because McGonagall had sat Potter and Black at the front. Liam sighed. Cordelia was a lovely girl and a good friend, but she had horrible taste in boyfriends.

But he secretly hoped that they would get together, because if Potter was out of the way, then surely, Liam could talk to her. And if Lily Evans had turned down Potter- then would she accept Liam?

Liam was in chemistry, sitting next to Cordelia. Chemistry, by way of Mrs. Peeve's terrible session, and early-year activities, had been delayed to Monday. Liam Alton, by some sick reasoning, loved chemistry. He was tapping his pencil, looking at the whiteboard, when the Gryffindors came in. The back tables were left open for them, as usual. Lily walked in with her friends, clutching a notebook to her chest elegantly, her eyes alight. They were wonderful eyes. They stayed with you, those eyes.

She waved at Professor Slughorn happily. He walked over to her, and he started talking to you.

"Thank you, Professor!" She said, talking happily, her ponytail flinging in the air. By god, that school skirt did not do justice to her bum- the skirt she was wearing at the platform was something else-

"Thank you for what?" He said.

"My O-Level mark, sir." She said, smiling brilliantly. "I couldn't have done it without you."

"Oh, nonsense. I assume you got above 90%?"

"Professor." She said, looking at him warily. "Some social conventions suggest it's rude to discuss marks in public."

"See me after class." He said to her, and she smiled, clutching her notebook, scanning the room. Dorcas and Mary had sat together, the Marauders, minus Peter, sitting in a table. Lupin sat alone. The only open seat was- well- with Snape. Her eyes fell.

"Sir?" She said, turning around and smiling politely, with great tact. "I was under the impression that you let A-Level students got to sit where they wanted, since we aren't as boisterous as the juniors- you were telling me that at the last Slug Club-."

"Oh yes, but the system last year worked so well-"

"Oh." She said, "Oh, I see."

She looked to Meadowes for help. The sucking up didn't work. Mary and Meadowes looked at each other. For some reason, McDonald apparently didn't want to sit next to Lupin.

"You can sit with me." Liam said. Lily looked startled. The class turned to look at him. Cordelia looked at him strangely. He scanned the room, looking at Potter, with ravenclaw practicality. "Evans can sit next to me. Cordelia- Cordelia can sit next to Potter. And Lupin and Black can sit together. Problem solved."

"Oh." She said, though he was unable to tell if she was disappointed or not. "Well, problem solved, Professor!"

She smiled and walked over graciously to take Cordelia's seat. Cordelia moved to the back of the room- that had been a choice dick move on Liam's part, though Potter did not protest when Cordelia sat next to him. He looked at her strangely. Thank God Bertram didn't take chemistry.

"We'll be starting with Atomic Matter, and then progressing to some practical work next month, preparing you for a lab report on titration-" Slughorn said, writing the assessment dates on the whiteboard.

"I bet you a fifth of these people will drop to Geography." Liam said to Lily, who was focused entirely on Slughorn, after they received their tests back, to gather how much they knew. She got the top in the class. It was undeniably attractive, the generous swoop of a wonderful 91% and affirming comments along the margins. Liam got fourth. He didn't really care, because it was still a healthy 81%. She had said something about how it was three to the power of four. She looked at him abruptly. She blinked.

"Don't be unrealistic." She said, as she took out her notebook and a pencil. "At least a third won't progress to next year. Do you need a pencil? I have spares."

Poor Frank Longbottom

Frank Longbottom was at the podium again.

"Please be informed that a number of students have left exploding coke bottles in the corridors. While some may say this is scientific experimentation, this is nonetheless destruction of school property, and shall be treated as such-" He said, then with a sigh. "Now, once again, please be reminded to get your library reservations. I will only read the ones that haven't been collected."

"In addition, first years, you are entitled to a stuffed animal- they've been distributed by the prefects in your dorm rooms, in case of an emotional situation. If at any point you wish to talk to someone, please speak to a respective prefect, teacher or head student. We are arranging an event for the school on Halloween, so any volunteers would be appreciated- if so, please note that all detentions will take place in the great hall from now on, scooping pumpkins, unless otherwise requested by a teacher. I am told it is frog-chopping season, according to Professor Sprout."

"May Elizabeth McDougal please get her Little House on the Prairie books, Lily Evans her book on extension A-Level Further Mathematics Word Problems and another one on the History of Binomial Theorem- oh."

Frank let out another sigh. Jesus Christ. Did Madam Pince really not check the list?

"May Severus Snape please collect his book on the Art of Wooing a Woman- Amazing Girls in Bed for Average Loser Males, by Elizabeth Waterman, section 15A, Non-Fiction, no dewey decimal system number put down." He said, and by that moment, he couldn't help but let out a sleep-deprived chuckle, for what had been a very long month, although it had only been a week or two of term. He smiled at James Potter and walked down to greet Alice.

Pointe Shoes

Thick chunks of white streamed along the rugby field, mud sloshed around her running shorts, but Dorcas Meadowes tried her best to be graceful. Logically, she worked through the most immediate embarrassments that could come.

It was easily the most nerve-wracking morning of her life, worse than her French oral, but Lily had made sure she had eaten about a gallon of eggs.

"You're going to run with all those people- you need to eat- or else you'll faint-" Lily sighed, though she herself was picking at her sausages, looking at the overwhelming amount of food.

She had tied her hair up and borrowed Frank Longbottom's old boots, which he kindly lent her. "I think you'll do great, honestly." He shrugged. "If you've been practising all summer- I mean. It's a mixed age team, too, so I don't see why we can't have girls."

There were three fears.

Firstly, she could not tackle properly. She had spoken to Frank Longbottom about this, who explained that as long as she did it properly, she could tackle even the heaviest McDougal.

Secondly, she would not keep up with the rest of them. Dorcas shrugged this off easily. Sure, she was not the best runner, but when Potter made her do sprints and things, she easily shot ahead. She put this to her limited height (for the first time in her life, she felt short).

Thirdly, she would make elementary rule mistakes or passing mistakes. This did not occur. She had spent the summer reading through books Madeline had sent her from Justin's collection on this sort of thing. In fact, she could tell she impressed them when she added onto their discussion about the mark.

She felt rather proud of herself, actually.

James had partnered with her, which she supposed was both a gift and a curse. He would not hurt her, but he was also very tall and very heavy. Leaner than the rest of them, but still muscular enough that she was slightly nervous when she started to tackle him, but she managed to do it all the same.

"Good job." He whispered. "You're doing well."

Dorcas beamed.

"We should switch it up." James whispered to Frank, who nodded. There was a look of great respect in Frank's eyes. He did not speak throughout the session, nor did he talk to Ethan. The bubbling tension about this whole co-captaining endeavour had seemingly evaporated. James Potter was in charge. He had large floating diagrams in the changing rooms, though Dorcas changed in the shower. An Orwellian exercise regime looked on the horizon if she made it in. "Change partners, people, someone you're not friends with, yes, Padfoot- I won't be with you-"

Dorcas offered to tackle Ethan McDougal.

This may not seem like a very big deal, but Dorcas herself, though muscular and very tall, was nothing compared to Ethan McDougal, who had grown a moustache, horribly. The logical assumption was, due to the nature of her sex, she would be unable to keep up with the sheer velocity of a rugby weekend. If she could tackle Ethan McDougal, she could tackle anybody, really.

Ethan raised an eyebrow, but shrugged it off. Ethan McDougal seemed like an ally, but she assumed that was more to do with the fact that he seemed entranced by the idea of having a girl change in the same changing room he did. When she made it on the team (she was using the terms 'when', as opposed to 'if', due to her fundamental belief in inward confidence stolen from Marlene McKinnon), she would probably have to avoid him flirting with her purposely with his towel hung low. What a horrible thought.

"Go ahead, ballerina." He said, with a little smirk.

Dorcas kept her face Liam-Alton flat and went in for his knees, locking them together and sending him to the floor. She helped him up, but she looked around, almost challenging the rest of them to dare to question whether she didn't deserve a place on the team. Ethan smirked harder.

"And in old pointe shoes, too." She said to herself, looking down at Frank Longbottom's boots from third year. She saluted James Potter, because she knew that the Gryffindor team now comprised of 6 brutish boys and a ballerina.

Maybe they would actually win, with her on, but that was a tempting, unwise thought she dismissed.

Hawking

James Potter had fought Bertram Aubrey a total of 18 times last year and a grand total of 39 in the six years he had spent at Hogwarts. It usually went along the lines of this:

Potter: 'Says something clever'

Aubrey: 'Makes fun'

Potter: 'Insults him brilliantly'

Aubrey: 'Says something not so brilliant, but still somewhat rude'

Black: 'Insults him'

Potter: Takes him outside

Black: Joins

Aubrey: Takes on two boys

There was the time in fifth year when Aubrey called James Potter a brainless doodle, where James had socked his jaw. That was broken up by Lily Evans, though the actual substance of the fight was so corroborated, frankly, not even James Potter or Bertram Aubrey himself remembered whether it was true or not.

There was also the time Aubrey called Marlene McKinnon a slut, to which James Potter had given him such a thumping Professor Grant had to separate them. There was also the time Bertram Aubrey had said that Professor McGonagall needed a 'good fucking' because she gave him a 28% on his physics test, to which James Potter beat him up so badly he spent a week in the hospital. And the time Liam Alton had broken them up, but Bertram had a good bruise for a week, so James counted that in his favour.

Bertram Aubrey got into the most fights with James Potter, second to Severus Snape and Severus Snape only. Clearly, the three boys were more alike than they thought, because they all apparently harboured secret fantasies of spending time in the weekends with one Lily Evans, although, proclaimed this publicly with differing degrees.

This meant that it brought James Potter much glee, when he learnt that Lily Evans had rejected him. Even so- she had said 'If I rejected Potter, then why would I say yes to you?" That had to mean some sort of respect, some recognition.

Brilliant! Spectacular! God Bless Lily Evans. Lily Evans, despite her reputation, really only lost her temper when she saw injustice and black-and-white brutality. What happened with Snivellus, yes that was understood.

The hardest part about being in love, James Potter thought, is that it bleeds through in everything; the obvious nature of your infatuation, or some may say, obsession, becomes the subject of mockery and weaponery used against you. No matter how idolised, how god-fearing everyone becomes around you, because you become a god in their presence, it is all for waste. It is mocked. The purest of the pure becomes blackened; it becomes a mark against your name.

It was all so unfair, James Potter thought. It was also very confusing. Lily Evans incited a great deal of emotion in his heart. A sudden wrath of insecurity flung upon him. He had squealed with joy when he found out he was rugby captain. And yet, it was clear that everyone turned to Frank Longbottom for leadership. The knowledge that he would never be Frank Longbottom became suddenly apparent. It wasn't that he desired to be good, or particularly respected. He just- he just wanted people to treat him with a little more respect.

And then there was Sirius, who was moping around, sleeping later and later, drinking almost every night. He thought August would be good. August had not been good. August had been terrifying, as Sirius snuck out the night before September and came back with three tattoos, all with the money his mother had given him for new clothing. James didn't quite know what to do.

He walked back into the dining hall, a disgusting film of sweat gathering around his body, when Madeline burst onto the scene, with a basket full of red woollen goods. She skipped along, offering him a bowl of oats, the way he liked it, and a bottle of water.

"I made cardigans. And hats. And scarves. And socks." She smiled. "For the rugby team. Here."

"Cardigans?"

"I worked all summer on them." Madeline frowned. "I just thought you might get captain- and I wanted to do something nice for you."

She beamed at him, but she clearly wanted to know something.

"You want something."

She let out a little smile and swayed anxiously.

"The knitting was genuine." He said, sitting down. "The oatmeal was manipulative."

"I am my mother's daughter."

"Not as bitchy."

"Is Dorcas going to get in?" Madeline asked. Her whole body grew excited at the mention of Dorcas; her eyes lit up; James could tell that the girl's dormitory upstairs had been obsessing over the events of the rugby trial and Madeline, by way of nepotism and family friendship and being the only girl James Potter would properly listen to, was instructed to find out. The problem was, Madeline Clarke, despite her Russian heritage, made a very terrible spy, to her mother's despair.

"You are a little nosy nelly, you know that?" James said, adding extra banana into his oats.

"I thought I got the ratio right." Madeline sighed. "Oats and protein powder and banana."

"I need an extra banana today." He said, "To deal with irritating girls who ought to wait till I post it on the noticeboard."

"Please, James, Please." Madeline said.

"Come on, Mads." He said, "Go read a Tale of Two Cities."

"I hope Baba Yaga comes and takes you away forever and ever and fattens you up and eats you."

"Don't bring Baba Yaga into this."

"Just tell me."

James sighed. "You know I can't. I can't tell you, because it's not fair."

"Well, does she have a chance?"

"Of course, she has a chance." James said. "She has a very good damn chance of getting into the team, I'll tell you, but she has to wait like everyone else and you are not to take advantage of this so you can impress her."

Dorcas Meadowes, as was noted by Frank Longbottom, lacked a bit of execution, but given it was likely she had taught herself, this was not held against her. Her fitness was good, though she wasn't top-notch. What Frank noted was she had a good instinct for the game and natural talent, as well as a proven work ethic. James just liked her attitude. She had drive.

"She won't complain." Frank had said.

James agreed. He liked Meadowes. He wouldn't tell Madeline that, because he wanted to think about the ever-pressing thought that Liam Alton fancied Lily Evans back.

"Thank you for the goods." He said, squeezing her hand. "I know you worked hard on it. And thank you for the oats."

Madeline blushed and did a little happy dance with her head. "Is Sirius alright?"

"You know he's not."

She let out a long sigh. "Why does everything have to be so complicated?"

"Because that's life, Madeline Adele Clarissa Clarke. God. Who named you?"

"Madeline for my grandmother's sister and the comics-"

"The comics?"

"You know, good night little girls, thank the lord you are well-"

"Never heard of them."

"Never heard of them?" She gasped. "I used to read them all the time- Justin used to read them to me-"

"Adele for your aunt- bless her-"

"And Clarissa for my mother." She said, "I like the letter C- oh look! It's Cordelia!"

She waved at Cordelia happily. Cordelia spun around, carrying her physics books close to her chest. Cordelia King, from the angle she was standing, was particularly beautiful, with her long black hair and bright blue eyes, almost indigo. James noted a particular flatness to her body that he did not find quite so stirring. Still hauntingly beautiful, with her Ravenclaw tie and her pearl earrings and tall frame.

"Can I sit?" She said, snuggling next to Madeline.

"No one is here." Madeline smiled. "Would you like a scarf? I want to get blue wool, but the most horrible thing happened when I went to Exeter- the shop had been completely ransacked- it was awful- there was only grey wool and orange and I hate orange- hate- hate-hate orange, awful colour."

"If you want to make one, then sure." She said, smiling. "Morning, Potter."

"Morning." He said. Madeline was tapping her foot anxiously, looking around.

"Remus is still sick." James sighed.

"Another asthma attack?"

"I don't know. A bad fever." James said. "It's like second year again."

Madeline shook her head. "I must make him something. Oh- look! It's Lina! My favourite people!"

She waved happily at Lina Hoffman, though Lina glared at James Potter with great feminist rage. In normal circumstances, James would've excused himself, but the sudden complexity of his feelings regarding the world and his quest to appear mature, even respected, meant that he stayed to make girlish small-talk.

"Madeline, Hawking's having her kittens." Cordelia said. "I couldn't tell Mother because she'd have them sent to the farm, which we all know means she'd have them put down. I can't bear it."

"Hawking?" James said, remembering to wipe his mouth of a small bit of oats above his moustache and speaking once he swallowed.

Cordelia smiled at him brilliantly. "My cat- Hawking- she's a Siamese-"

"After Steven Hawking?"

"Mhm." Cordelia said. "I thought she was a boy."

"She's Stephanie Hawking now." Madeline nodded. "Sometimes she sleeps with her paws closed-"

Madeline went into a long ramble about the blasted cat's behaviours which no one but cat owners cared about, but Madeline Clarke was the type of friend to remember the meaningless information that only you cared about, like all the rugby and physics tidbits James Potter cared about, so he forgave her.

"You like physics?" James asked, rather obliviously.

"Cordelia likes physics?" Lina scoffed, as she settled next to Cordelia, picking apart a brioche bun and slathering it with low-fat butter, handing it to her. She poured tea for Cordelia, then made herself coffee, pinching some of Cordelia's breakfast. "You know she got into the top 1% of the country for O-Level Physics?"

"Lina." Cordelia said, shuffling awkwardly.

"Cordelia's so smart." Madeline sighed.

"Smart enough to think that her cat was a boy and then realising she was up the duff." Lina scowled. "In true King fashion."

"Cordelia mum's a professor of Catholic Theology at Oxford." Madeline explained. "She has a lot of siblings. Like me!"

"And they're all named for Shakespeare." Lina sighed. It was becoming more and more obvious to James why Cordelia and Madeline were so adamantly friends. Inter-house friendships were rather rare in Hogwarts times. Even this gathering was technically illegal.

"James likes physics too." Madeline said to Cordelia. "Though he pretends he doesn't. He's a super-nerd. He wants to be a pilot. He likes painting-"

"Madeline." James said.

"Sorry." Madeline said. "I get carried away. I'm just so stressed."

"I was so worried about the chemistry test that Slughorn's going to give us-" Cordelia sighed. "Damn him and his beginning of term tests- and I only got a 72%-"

"No, not about school, silly. Hawking's pregnant, and who is going to take her kittens? I don't want some first year taking them. They won't take care of them. I'm so glad Aslan's a boy and I don't have to go through this. It would be so stressful. I wouldn't be able to sleep for weeks."

"None of the boys want a cat." Lina sighed. "I'll take one."

"Mary's allergic-" Madeline sighed. "And Remus hates Aslan-"

"Because Aslan's a bitch." James said.

"Aslan has done nothing to hurt any of you." Madeline said firmly. "And he was there for me in very stressful times, such as when I thought I lost my first-edition copy of A Tale of Two Cities that Remus got for me. It was 3 pound 50, you know. It cost him a lot of money. Don't tell him that- he mustn't be worried if he's sick. Then he'll get even sicker and fail his A-Levels, and at least one of us has to be smart."

"Maybe Longbottom could take one-" Cordelia mused.

"We could convince Fortescue- Madeline can get on that-"

"Or perhaps Benjy-"

"As long as there are no Hufflepuffs-"

"I'll take one." James interrupted. "I'll take a kitten."

"Will you?" Cordelia said happily. "Oh, bless you James Potter!"

She jumped over the table and hugged him fiercely, walking over the table ever so daintily.

"Easy there, you'll break something." James muttered to himself, pushing up his glasses and spooning himself his second breakfast. "I have rugby games to win, you know."

"James is very good at rugby." Madeline said to Cordelia, nodding her head.

"Oh, bless!" Cordelia said, sitting next to him. "You can have the first pick."

"Thanks." James sighed.

"They're due in October-" Cordelia said. "I don't know when they need to leave Hawking, but you can have the best one. She's a Siamese, so they should be very pretty-"

"Very noisy, though." Lina said. "And fuck off, Potter, that was the last of the jam! God. You really are a bastard, you know that?"

"Don't mind Lina, she just needs coffee." Cordelia said, beaming. "Oh, this is delightful."

"I don't know why you're so excited." Lina said. "You think that kitten will survive in his dorm? Lily Evans said that there was mould there-"

"When did Lily Evans say that?" Cordelia said.

"She told Liam, and then Liam told me-"

"Well, I'm sure they would've cleaned it by now." Cordelia shrugged. "And at least Lupin will help clean it out-"

James snorted.

"Do you think he'll remember to feed it?" Lina said. "Give it water- let it out-"

"James will take great care of the cat. It can be their mascot." Madeline said, nodding.

"Mascot?"

"The Marauders mascot!" She declared. "Prongs, Padfoot, Moony and Wormtail, and the cat. A quintet."

"When it inevitably dies, I told you so." Lina said, picking up Cordelia's textbooks and satchel for her. "Come. I'll quiz you and Liam for chemistry. I still haven't forgiven you for sitting next to him in Chem."

"Because you sat near Bertram Aubrey- and he scares me- and he hates us for encouraging him to ask out Lily Evans-"

"And we said that he should give it a shot. We never said she'd say yes-"

"Or insult his moustache-"

"That was a terrible moustache-"

Madeline beamed as they walked off. "I love my friends." She said, "They're so smart. Ravenclaws are so wonderful. They even make me like Daniel."

She twiddled her thumbs and got up. "I must go say hi to Remus and read him some Lord of the Rings. I think it'll revive him. Can you get him some food? And promise you'll take care of that kitten? Cordelia will hate me forever if you kill it. I'll make sure Aslan wees on you."

She skipped away, carrying her satchel, waving at the new first years from Gryffindor and stopping to ask them how they were. Lily came down, talking to Dorcas, early risers coming to claim their breakfast, Dorcas freshly showered from a run. The two of them paused to talk to the first years, Lily pausing to teach them how to tie a tie properly.

"I know." Dorcas had said. "It takes a while to get used to, but remember, you can always ask me or any of my friends, or a prefect-"

"I know." She said, after they whispered something. "Being on scholarship is weird. But work hard and remember to always write home. And save your pennies to use the payphones to call, when you get really homesick."

She looked at Dorcas with such compassion, such warmth. It was different from how she was when she was with the greaseball. More kind. More soft. Healthier. As they settled into their place in the dining hall, the decision to let Dorcas Meadowes on the official team list had cemented in his mind.

It was a guilty one, because he knew she deserved the spot, and had effectively won it the minute she said she would've accepted being rejected. She had worked hard for it, but the guilt came from the reminder that he had made it on the basis of Lily Evans's friendship, that the connection would somehow bolster himself in her mind, that this could be the missing link in the story he had sought after for the past year.

It was even guiltier, by the fact that Madeline had very obviously tried to push Cordelia together with him. It was something that people expected, James Potter and Cordelia King. The top girl and boy of their respective houses. And yet, James had no interest in dating her. Sure, she was rather pretty, and she liked physics, which was a rare combination in this day and age.

Well. He was still mad about Lily Evans and had a cat to take care of. Sirius would be thoroughly disappointed.

At least she hadn't gone out with Bertram Aubrey. She had standards. God bless Lily Evans and God Bless Stephen Hawking.

Frankly, there is a reason why Hufflepuffs are Hufflepuffs and not Ravenclaws.

August had become September and September had become October, or was to become October. Soon enough.

"Oh goody!" Lily declared, as she walked out of another painful university prep, clutching a notebook where she had done her maths homework fervently. "It's the twenty-seventh."

"The twenty-seventh?" Dorcas asked.

"The best day." Lily smiled. "The cube of three. Three to the power of three- the best number ever."

"God." Dorcas said, tucking a thick curl out of her face. They were particularly springy, despite the dry winter hair. Only Dorcas could transcend the physical limits put on us by the weather.

"The number three. It's perfect. It's symmetrical, horizontally, and three squared is nine, and nine squared is twenty-seven. I was born on the thirtieth, and our council flat was third floor, unit three, and my dad's first proper job was the third house-" Lily sighed. "It's- it's a balletic, diaphanous number."

"You sound like Peeves."

"Fuck off."

Madeline was skipping along, humming Tchaikovsky with Cordelia King, who was mimicking ballet movements happily, Lina mimicking Remus Lupin's smirk, watching the lissom movement of Cordelia's wrists, the auripholic nature of their conversations. The Marauders still had not shown up to one of the weekly sessions, not until Frank Longbottom or God himself demanded it.

"Madeline?" Said a tall Hufflepuff boy. Cordelia halted; Lina glared. "Oh- hey, Cords."

"Evening." Cordelia said, visibly stiffening. She fidgeted with the hem of her skirt.

"I was just wondering- the photos-" He said. "Sorry."

"Right." Cordelia said. She looked at Lina for help- Tommy stood there, lingering, staring at Cordelia blissfully. Cordelia, who had the general principle of avoiding Tommy Shane at all costs, more out of embarrassment and great dislike, than shame, had limited encounters with the man. She had flung herself into her studies, which had successfully enabled a clean slate for this new school year.

"Scootch." Lina said, waving a hand and telling him to move.

"What?"

"Move." She said.

"Move?"

"Move." Lina said, crossing her arms. She really had a limited tolerance for Tommy Shane. She had a limited tolerance for most people. "Scootch. Leave us alone. The German verb is bewegung. Disappear, really, and do us all a favour."

Tommy Shane looked like he was about to say something clever, when Madeline began humming Tchaikovsky and wiping her face with her wrist the way Aslan did. She even gave a little lick.

"Meow!" She said, hopping and shaking her head. Tommy Shane raised an eyebrow and darted. Madeline glared.

"He gives me the creeps." She said, looking into the dining hall, as he ran to the end of the hall. "Sometimes when I act really weird, people think I'm mentally insane and leave me alone. It works all the time when weird boys sit next to me and try to flirt."

"Hoffman's law." Cordelia sighed. "God. I wish it were that simple."

"Why is he so on about the photos?" Lina said, letting out a long sigh that reached a crescendo when she saw Cordelia's eyes perk up at the incoming presence of Remus Lupin, Sirius Black and James Potter, with Pettigrew creepily moving towards them.

"I think we should talk to James." Madeline said.

"No." Lina said firmly. "I can handle Tommy Shane."

"And he asked for a picture of Lily and Dorcas." Madeline said. "Something nefarious is at play."

"We should talk to them." Madeline said, pulling Cordelia towards the boys, who giggled as she looked at the lot. Lina looked at a suit of armour unwillingly. Really, she would much rather talk to Liam- and it wasn't even that big of a deal-

"James." Madeline said. "Are you aware of Hufflepuffs?"

"As a curse upon this earth- yes I am aware."

"Do you know their customs?"

"Customs? Well, I suppose I do smell shit whenever I do sit next to them- perhaps something to do with that-"

"Well," Madeline said, before Cordelia crossed her arms and jumped in.

"Tommy Shane asked for my, Madeline's, Lina's, Lily's and Dorcas's picture." She said. "Twice."

"Twice?" James said, blinking.

"Twice." She said, "And we couldn't fathom why-"

"So we thought of asking you!" Madeline said cheerily.

From the back of the hallway, it looked like a regular gathering of the popular people- the three prettiest girls in the year with the two best-looking boys, along with a respective boyfriend. Dorcas Meadowes and Co, subconsciously, were flattered by their association with such characters.

"He asked for your photos?" Sirius said. Him and James seemed to have an unconscious conversation, one that made the three prettiest girls in the year rather uncomfortable.

"Where is Longbottom?" James said. "We need to talk to Longbottom."

"Frank?" Madeline said. "We need to talk to Frank?"

"Jesus." Sirius said. "They would have more sense than to use a picture of our lot, wouldn't they?"

"I'm not explaining this to Minnie." James sighed. "Right- we need to go to the Head's office-"

"Head's office?" Lina said. "Where's that?"

"Get Lily- she knows-" James sighed.

"What's going on?" Lily said, having caught up to the rest of them.

"Something nefarious." Remus sighed.

"I think the Hufflepuffs have started a cult." Lina whispered, "Meet outside Frank's office in ten."

"What's going on?" Asked Liam Alton, who had seen Tommy Shane pass by, but more so subconsciously drawn by the appearance of a redhead in the gaggle.

"Tommy Shane asked for several of our pictures." Cordelia said.

"He did what?" Liam asked. "He asked for your picture?"

"And Lina, and Madeline, and Lily, and Dorcas."

"Jesus. The gall of the guy." Liam said.

"We're going to Frank." James said.

"You're snitching?" Liam said.

"Frank got rid of ours ages ago." James said. Liam looked down.

"Our's isn't as bad as that." Liam said.

"I know." James said. "Nonetheless, the Hufflepuffs have it the worst."

"Have what the worst?" Lily asked, growing desperately exasperated.

"Frank's office." James said. "No time to explain. Come on, gentlemen and Alton. Let's get a trotting."

Really, Tommy Shane, Really?

Frank was very, very irritated.

First of all, the stupid Oxford application had arrived. McGonagall had handed it to him immediately, first in the year, as if she was convinced he would get in. Why wouldn't he? He was Frank Longbottom. Well, obviously, there was a very fair chance he wouldn't, because he may be Hogwarts Frank Longbottom, but there was a Frank Longbottom in every school you go to, except for maybe in Liverpool.

Second of all, he was 99% sure he saw Matteo Zabini look at the Gryffindor table of girls with great interest, and he was 99% percent sure he was looking at Alice.

Third of all, he was going to have to line every single member of various house teams and force them to undergo an inspection by Madam Pomfrey of their genitals. He would have to go first, which was humiliating in every way. He would never heard so many boys advocating their virginity before.

He could just imagine it.

"I shouldn't have her touch my bits- I've never slept with anyone, I swear-" Would say one stubby looking Slytherin, looking like a big toe. Probably a prop. God.

"Sure, I got a hard-on when I kissed Ida Ong and things arrived too early, but doesn't mean I have blisters-"

"Captains first." He would say. "Then we'll start with the juniors- then the seniors-"

The only good thing about it all was apparently, Ethan had started something with about eighteen different girls over the summer, so he had completely forgotten about Alice. Which meant that the awkwardness was basically non-existent. Which meant he stood next to Frank the entire time cracking jokes and talking about guy things, which Frank was in desperate need of.

Let's face it, Alice was very good company, but he was rather sick of explaining the difference between a scrum half and a fly half and listening about why halter tops didn't flatter her. Frank thought they did, but he was mostly influenced by the fact that they were fairly low-cut and thus showed a fantastic amount of cleavage, despite her claim that she had manly shoulders (she did not).

Frank missed Ethan. He missed fifth year. That was the one anchor he had, looking into seventh year. He had Alice and he had Ethan.

Fourth of all, he was so busy he didn't even have time to see Alice outside of patrols.

He had spoken with Thelia, who didn't particularly fancy patrolling with him, and in the spirit of 'inter house diplomacy and unity', suggested patrolling between houses. The real reason Frank adjusted the schedule was so he could patrol with Alice, because it was the only free time they had. Thelia was a hard worker. He didn't mind her. She was extremely dedicated and Alice didn't possess the jealousy she originally had in the first few days of her rejection.

But God, Alice was only secure for a year. He had not spent a year pining after her, with her brilliant smile and brilliant shoulders and brilliant boobs and brilliant manner of captivating a room with self-deprecating anecdotes and brash way of talking, for both of them to go into university not together. The possibility that he would be rejected from Oxford had been planted in his mind. The dream had cracked slightly; Alice was not head girl; there was a possibility, some form of karmic justice, that he would not get into Oxford to atone for it. He could lose Alice.

So the Oxford Application was staring at him, on his desk, which was decorated with stacks of Graham Greene books and a poster of the English rugby team and his parents and three pictures of Alice, like a reminder that he was a fraud.

Frank Longbottom: 2

The World: 8

He had just gotten to setting the final prefect's schedule, which he had offered to do if Thelia supervised next week's detentions, when a group of Gryffindor and Ravenclaw sixth-years stormed in.

"Longbottom!" A voice called.

Frank let out a long sigh.

"Evening." He said, taking a sip of tea. "Please leave me alone."

"Longbottom, this is serious." Alton said. "The Hufflepuffs. They asked for a load of girl's pictures."

Frank nearly broke his mug.

"Who?"

"Um- Evans, Meadowes, Cordelia, Lina, and Clarke." Alton said. "It's Shane."

"Tuckett's rugby captain, isn't he?" Longbottom said. "Bloody hell. I can't believe-"

"I know." Potter said, running a hand through his hair, stealing a glance at Evans. It occurred to Frank that Alton was glancing over at Lily. Frank took a sip of his tea and closed his eyes.

"They must've expanded the parameters. Jesus Christ."

"What the heck is going on?" Lily asked. "Why is this such a big deal?"

The four boys shared a look- Remus Lupin looked confused as ever, and Pettigrew was eyeing the chocolate digestive on Frank's desk.

"Potter, you want to explain?"

"Not particularly."

"Every house has a rugby initiation game." Alton began confidently. "They change it up every couple of years- it's secret. Well. The Hufflepuffs keep it pretty consistent."

"Why would they need our photos for?" Cordelia asked.

The four boys shared another look. Remus Lupin paled.

"They have a book." Frank began. "A waterproof book."

"Why would they need a waterproof book?" Madeline asked, and then Remus Lupin paled.

"They cut the heads off. And they paste it onto magazines-" Liam said, growing the same shade as Remus. "After rugby games. The best player gets the book-"

The five girls went silent.

"So- they take our pictures-"

"And they use it- as- as-"

Madeline's lip began to quiver.

"The point of the picture-gathering is to get the best-looking girl. You are meant to get it secretly, I guess. That's the point. You chat up a girl and then get her picture. Person who gets the most gets the book first-" Liam said. "And if you get the prettiest girl in the year, you get it second. The book- it's um- well. A reward. For post match activities. In the shower."

"Shane must've tried to cheat the system. Asked as many as possible."

"And you all knew about this?" Lily said. "And did nothing?"

"Listen." Frank said. "To my impression, the girls in the previous years were alright with it. I know the girl last year was."

"Who was the girl-" Cordelia began, but then looked down. "Oh. Parisi."

"Generally, nobody manages to get a picture. And they only accept it if the girl gives it. Like. She has to be aware- and gives it over-" Potter began. "That's why Stebbins was chosen as captain. He managed to get like, a solid three pictures a year."

"So Tommy was going to use my picture as pornographic material so he could get captian?" Cordelia said, and then she began to cry. Madeline squeezed her tightly.

"Not after this morning." Frank said, with a long dramatic sigh, "First, the Hufflpeuffs start a rumour half the rugby team has blisters on their cocks and now I have to talk to them about their stupid book?"

Really, the world just hated Frank Longbottom. The only thing keeping him alive at this point was snogging Alice, because that was all he had time for.

"Blisters-" James Potter said, squinting. "I'm involved, aren't I?"

"You're always involved. Your sticky fingers are always at the scene of the crime- although that's not a very good choice of words-" Lily Evans said.

"Did the Gryffindors have something similar?" Dorcas asked softly.

"Not as bad." Frank sighed. "Well. I changed it to suicides when I became captian."

"We had to find some girl's knickers." James shrugged. "Justin told me where they hid it. Last one to find it had to drink beer out of a boot."

"It evolved." Frank shrugged, "I scrapped it because well, frankly, I can't be arsed. And it was derogatory."

"How thoughtful." Lily mused. "So kind."

"Look." He said, "I can't do much. The Hufflepuffs are Hufflepuffs. They are horny bastards who think they are the shit because they play somewhat decent rugby, because they get the most people, which means they have the best selection. Tuckett hates me, because well, I don't know. He won't listen. Just don't give your picture to Tommy Shane and give him a piece of your mind. If he calls you a bitch, then take points off him and I'll be happy to supervise his detention. I can't very well march up to McGonagall and tell her to arrest the whole team because they want to collect pictures, can I?"

"God." Lily Evans declared. "I hate men."

"I do too." Cordelia said. "I can't believe he-"

"Why don't you fight fire with fire?" Marlene said, looking up. "What are Hufflepuffs known for?"

"Being shitheads?"

"Having infights?"

"Failing English O-Levels?"

"Gossiping?"

"Exactly." Marlene shrugged. "Start a rumour. Do it the girl way back. Cordelia, let it slip that, I don't know-"

Lina Hoffman's eyes went alight. "He came in his pants one time when you snogged, didn't he?"

"Lina." Cordelia said, going red. "Hoffman's law, remember?"

"Oh yes." Lina said. "This is my time to shine. Come on ladies, tell me all the nastiest things you know about that man. We need a targeted attack."

"But we can't." Cordelia said. "That's sinking to their level!"

"Oh, fuck that." Frank Longbottom said. "I've had enough with Hufflepuffs. Ok, listen. I'm not supposed to tell you this, but a friend of mine shagged a load of Hufflepuffs over the summer- particularly Merida Diggory-"

"Ethan's shagging Merida Diggory?" Dorcas said, cocking an eyebrow.

"How'd you know it was Ethan?" Frank said.

"Because you have no other friends." James said.

"I can give you all detention, you know that."

"I can tell Alice that you once licked Ethan McDougal's armpit for a dare." James said.

"That was in third year, Potter." Frank said. "Back to the point. Apparently, William Gardiner likes to watch his friends get it on- which is frankly, quite disgusting-"

The Oxford Application stared at him viciously. Frank sighed.

Revenge

Marlene told her childhood friend Elena Carstairs that William Gardiner liked to watch his friends shag. Elena, who was still partaking in the great Palkar-vs-Matthews civil war, told Hannah Oats. Hannah told her older sister, who told her friends. William Gardiner asked out Nikki Chan, who politely told him that she'd rather eat piss, though she had told Carmen the day before she thought he was the fittest thing on earth.

The next week, Cordelia told her old Hufflepuff acquaintances who were on Hannah Oats's side from her Tommy-Shane days all the juicy little titbits from their fifth-year days, despite Hoffman's law. This spread around like wildfire, but Cordelia did it in such a manner that it mutated into something so exaggerated and so tactically that she really couldn't really be blamed for starting any rumour.

What other detestable fact you could imagine, it was said about the rugby team, and the beauty of it was that it was repeated by Hufflepuff's very own ministry of gossip. Even better, Leah Matthew's, in her eternal dedication to Tommy Shane, further ignored her own side. The house had parasitically eaten itself apart. Was it really true that Arthur Stebbins liked to have girls stick fingers up his bum? Who knew? Was it true that Edgar Trunton had the penis the length of a pound note's width? Who knew?

And Thelia Greengrass noted that Liam Alton looked at Lily Evans a particular 13 times during that conversation, crossed off Severus Snape's name on the draft patrol schedule next to Lily Evan's. On the final schedule that was posted in the prefect's room, in neat handwriting, it read 'ALTON AND EVANS' next to every Tuesday.

By all that had happened, everybody had forgotten that Severus Snape was even really friends with Lily Evans. She was just pitying him, anyways, wasn't she? And there was more interesting stuff, like the fact that Tommy Shane got a hard-on every time he saw Cordelia's belly button (this one was about as mutated as Smallpox, really it was every time he saw her in jeans) and the fact that Allen John, who had a most unfortunate first and last name, once had a girl pity-fuck him because William Gardiner asked and she fancied him.

God bless shit-talking Hufflepuffs and god bless the rumour capacities of one Lina Hoffman, who had endured so much from that side of the castle, taking great glee in the demise of the kind and wonderful house. It was released, little by little, week by week, so much so, no one really suspected it. It was well and truly glorious.

Nobody, however, noticed that Severus Snape tripped Liam Alton in the hallways, nor that he looked at him with particular disgust. No one noticed that he went to the library when Lily went to the holiday and everybody assumed the lilies left outside the entrance to the tower were for Carmen Parisi.

More Chemistry, or Lack Thereof

The fishmonger painting near the Gryffindor Tower was where Lily Evans had asked Liam Alton to meet her and he was pleased to see she had arrived early, because he had also arrived early. Lily Evans was not the sort to be late and neither was he. This sort of rhythmic routine, where he awoke at the same day and ate the same thing, spoke to the same people, was part of Liam Alton's aura.

Lily, who had been instructed to appear everything but herself and yet her truest self by her friends, had arrived, with her emerald green hair scarf as her indoor millinery. She wore her baker boy hat outdoors and she wore her emerald green hair scarf indoors, to keep her layers out of her face, her red wisps cut by Mary slowly creeping onto her decolletage as time moved.

"Would you like a chocolate?" She offered.

"A chocolate?"

"Well, you know, I thought A-Levels are hard enough." Lily shrugged. "So I thought about carrying chocolates around. It's sort of an atonement. I was in a right state last year. I thought it would be good to start afresh. And Madeline suggested chocolate, because she says chocolate makes everything better."

"So free chocolate is your way of correcting the chaos of last year?"

"I suppose. It grounds me."

"Well, what kind of chocolate do you have?"

"A mini mars bar." Lily shrugged. The truth was she had bought four bags with her to Hogwarts and eaten two in the bathroom already, eyes closed, as she thought of how vicious she had become when Bertram Aubrey had asked her out.

She realised that it was a newfound insecurity of hers- how cold she was. No one wanted a cold woman, because a cold woman was a woman who was willing to fight for herself, and no one wanted that. But even so, she did not personally like how cruel she could be, even if it was in the name of being honest.

It also meant that if she gave out the chocolates, she would have less, and tossing it out meant she could live on her promise of not eating anything to compensate for the overconsumption of terrible foods.

Hence, the chocolate.

"Is it melted?"

"No."

"I'll take it."

He ate the mars bar and waited to throw away the wrapper when he got home, for fear of littering. Lily beamed.

"Chemistry used to be so easy." Lily mused. "But maths is the same."

"I thought you were good at chemistry?"

"I am." Lily said. "But I love maths, which is why I'm good at it."

"I like maths too." He said. "Maths is-"

"Constant."

"And people who say they hate maths are just bad at it."

"Exactly!"

"And frankly, it's rather satisfying when you get a whole row of answers correct-"

"Or when you teach yourself how to do a question-"

"Or when you get a tough question no one else gets-"

"Maths is the best." Lily sighed. "I love maths. I wish I could study it at university."

"But you can."

"What good does a maths degree do?"

"I don't know." Liam shrugged. "A degree is more- more a gateway into the club, you know?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, my dad got a degree in Classics and he works in the foreign office cleaning up the bastards in the IRA." Liam shrugged. "I mean- he got a degree in Classics and he spent the first decade of his career in Japan. What good does Latin and Greek help you with?"

Lily was almost jarred by how free-flowing he spoke. Liam Alton was a private man. Even Cordelia was nervous when she first patrolled with him, given that they had never really had a proper conversation. Liam Alton was top dog in Ravenclaw world, but that was more to do with his marks and exceptional rugby than his social skills. Lily and Liam had never spoken outside of the extent of broken conversation one has when one sits next to each other in English.

Well, other than the very famous 'lucky bloke' Lily replayed after she had drawn her curtains and tried to sleep for the night. And yet, there seemed to be a great deal of emotion in his eyes, despite the lack of a smile.

"Then how'd he get the job?"

"Well, his uncle's friend worked-"

"Oh." Lily said, disappointed. "Well. That won't work for me."

"Why not?"

"I mean." Lily said. "I'm on scholarship. Not exactly the connection type. It's just Slughorn who seems to want to help."

"Well, I suppose one of your friends-"

"Yeah, I know. The rich help out the rich. I'm not rich though, so. My own sheer hard work."

"More honourable than Avery and that lot who get away with murder because their parents are all on the board of Governors."

"I suppose."

"It's funny how Professor Vector teaches Further Maths and Professor Flitwick teaches regular maths." Liam said. "I always thought it was illogical."

"I think it makes sense." Lily said, her skirt swaying as she walked. She was glad that she was wearing just her sweater today- it was far too hot to wear the full layer. "I think that Professor Flitwick is going slow and covering everything, and Professor Vector is good at going fast, which makes sense, because Further Maths is harder, so better people take it."

Liam nodded logically.

"Besides, I like Flitwick. He looks like a Christmas Tree with the hair of a goat."

"Well, you could look worse."

"Yeah- like Persephone Yaxley- she looks like something out of the French Revolution, after the guillotine-"

Liam had almost lifted his cheeks by the rather apt description, but was distracted by the shaking of a broom closet which meant that Lily let out a sigh. She had a very pretty mouth, now that Liam thought about it. A very nice mouth. "You have to bet who it is." She said, stuffing her hands in her pockets. "Remus and I used to do it. I think- I think a Slytherin and a Hufflepuff."

"Gryffindor and Ravenclaw."

"Ooh!" She said, "You know, that's a pretty rare combination-"

Liam opened the door. He grimaced, as he saw his brother and a respective blonde girl, who Lily paled at seeing. Lily took a deep breath and fiddled with her bracelets, as she saw Hannah Smith look down, blushing furiously. It reminded her of the time she caught Lina Hoffman and Avery kissing. She didn't know which was more traumatising.

"Well." Liam said, raising his eyebrows. "Half-bad. A Ravenclaw and a Hufflepuff."

Liam and Lily looked at each other, exasperated. "Just go to bed." Liam sighed. "I don't want to know, Derek. Just go."

Derek toddled along to his dorm, although Lily closed her eyes. "He's not going to go to his dorm."

"He will."

"Just take him up." Lily sighed. "He's taking the long way to Ravenclaw Tower. Meet me back here."

Liam sighed and took his brother by the collar, though the real reason for his despair was the subconscious notion that Lily had dismissed him because she did not enjoy his company. Liam Alton was no master of small talk- he found it difficult. He disliked it immensely, in fact. It was counter-productive. He liked talking about things he enjoyed, such as Chemistry and Maths and Physics and Economics, and always rugby. He was not one to come up with apt descriptions of Persephone Yaxley. Even the comment regarding the mathematics education system had been prepared over an hour of chemistry homework, hoping it would land.

"Hannah." Lily said. "What are you doing?"

"I thought we would call each other Jo." Hannah whispered. She was such a sweet girl, at that moment. Lily wanted to cry, looking at her. She wanted to hug her and take her home and give her to Lily's mother to look after. "I thought we could still do that."

"Well." Lily said, crossing her arms. "Come on, Hannah- why- why- Derek Alton? Why a broom closet? It's past curfew-"

"I know." Hannah said. "I wanted to do something rebellious."

"Why?"

"I dunno." Hannah shrugged. "Derek likes me."

"Well, go to Hogsmeade then, I guess, not a freaking broom closet-"

"I'm allowed to have a life."

"Yes, I know, Hannah, but please. Don't get hurt. This- Derek- he'll hurt you. Please?"

"Because of the bad dream?" Hannah said, and then her lip quivered and her fingers rolled the hem of her skirt up and down, up and down, up and down.

"Yes." Lily said. "The bad dream- please. Hannah- Just-"

"Just what?"

"Can you tell me?" She asked. "Who hurt you?"

"It was just a bad dream." Hannah said, toying with the scar that ran across her neck. "That's all."

"Hannah- who was in the dream?"

"I don't know what you're talking about."

Hannah looked at her, desperately, as she formed the words in her head, trying to say it, but it never came out her mouth. She wanted to tell Lily about the dreams, about the panic, about the heart attacks, but she knew Lily wouldn't understand. "I just want to do something fun."

"You're allowed to do something fun, Hannah." She said, careful not to touch her, because she knew from previous experiences that Hannah hated to be touched. Steve Abbott, despite all his flaws, was immensely careful never to touch her, to walk at least half a metre away from her at all times. "Look. I just don't want you to get hurt. Altons are nice fellows, but they are still- you know-"

"Men."

"Yeah."

"I just wanted to have a little fun." Hannah said. Her lip trembled. "Please don't yell at me."

"I won't yell at you. Come. I'll walk you back to your dorm. Take this as a formal warning. Your punishment can be- can be-"

"Why don't you give me detention?" Hannah asked. "And Steve can supervise. Like how he- you know- fake tutored me."

"You are a smart girl." Lily said. "But you can always talk to Steve if you want- I'm sure he won't mind-"

"No." Hannah said. "People will ask questions."

"I only want you to do what you feel comfortable with, my Hannah." She said, "Did you like the book I gave you? On Flowers?"

"It was so lovely." Hannah smiled. "I liked all the little drawings."

"They were pretty, weren't they?"

"You remind me of the Lily." Hannah said. "Your parents named you well."

"I like proteas." Lily smiled. She looked at Hannah, in a school uniform too small, hair in need of a haircut, socks in need of mending. Her schoolbooks, Lily recalled, were tattered. "How is Pandora?"

"Panda?" Hannah said. "Oh- she's fine- she's helping me with maths- she's really worried about O-Levels-"

Lily took her hand- slowly- and she felt a deep, christmas-like feeling in her heart when Hannah fell against her and squeezed her, looking at her like Lily did her mother, and squeezed her ribcage so tight that Lily couldn't breathe.

"Would you like a chocolate?" Lily asked, offering her one of the chocolates stuffed in her pocket. Hannah nodded, and then she began to cry. With a little detour, Lily took her into the French Tower and let her cry, until the light from the tower seemed to put the stars to bed, even if for just a moment. She took the little wisps of her hair and kissed her forehead slowly, as to not scare her.

"I get the heart attacks." Lily whispered. "Where you feel like your legs have no blood and you are going to die and your heart is thumping for no reason."

"You do too?" Hannah asked, but Lily didn't have the heart to tell her that she got them over little things, such as the way boys perceived her body and her exams and the overarching stress of losing her best friend, not over what Hannah had gone through.

"Mhm."

"What makes them go away?"

"I don't know." Lily said. She looked at Hannah's old school uniform. "Do you want me to mend your clothing?"

"Mend my clothing?"

"It needs to be hemmed-"

"Mother said she wanted to, but she never got around."

"Mothers are busy people."

"I know." Hannah said. "Can you mend mine?"

"Of course I can." She said, "I'll- I'll make you a whole basket. With chocolates and pens and all sorts of nice things."

"You will?"

"And I'll get Abbott to pay for it- hah. I can't afford that, but he's bound to have a guilty conscience somewhere."

Lily smiled at Hannah brilliantly, trying to calm her, trying to lull her into a paradise where she didn't find comfort in the lips of Derek Alton, forgetting about Liam easily, though there was something in her that wanted to stab the man who done this to her. Had he graduated? Was he in her year? Was he above her? Was he in Gryffindor?

Lily walked her to her dorm.

On The Gryffindor Bulletin near the Heads Office

We are pleased to announce the following people have been selected for the rugby team of the 1976-1977 school year. Please meet by the changing rooms with the appropriate gear (training kit, gum guard, boots) on the 28th of September for training. We will be training 5 days a week in preparation for the October 30th Game against Slytherin.

BLACK, SIRIUS

CLEVELY, DARIAN

JORDAN, DIALLO

LONGBOTTOM, FRANKLIN ALGERNON

MCDOUGAL, ETHAN

MEADOWES, DORCAS

In addition, everyone who tried out and was not selected is welcome to attend training sessions in order to further develop their skills. Priority was given to older players, but in future years when the seventh years graduate, improved performance may help out in future tryouts when there are more positions to be filled. Players may also be given opportunities to substitute in case of injury to permanent members of the team. Maintaining consistent fitness throughout the year will also help increase your chances of getting selected.

Sincerely,

James Potter.

High Captain

Celebrations

Lily was preparing a basket for Hannah when Dorcas ran in screaming. She did a little happy dance, running up along the beds, jumping until she hit her head, collapsing on Lily's bed and hugging her so hard that Lily couldn't breathe. Marlene, who was playing with Mary's hair so that it fell around in delicate little plaits that let the air of 'hippie' and 'mindfulness', squealed.

"Good God." Marlene said.

"I got in." Dorcas squealed. "I got in!"

"You did?" Lily said. "Oh- this deserves some celebration- I think we ought to have something- something- we ought to- we ought to light fireworks- fireworks- good lord- look at me-"

"I got in!" Dorcas giggled. "I got in. Oh God. I have to go to practice now and James said it's going to be brutal."

"James?"

"He's my captain." Dorcas shrugged.

"They all call him Potter."

"Fine. James Potter." Dorcas said. "Balance. Besides. It was really funny- he used Frank's full name. You know his middle name is Algernon?"

"You have to earn someone's respect to call them by their first name." Lily said. "It's a notion of power. Oh, Cassie, I'm so proud- I ought to do something- I wish I could bake a cake- perhaps tea- tea is always good- perhaps-"

"I'll knit you a scarf!" Madeline said. "A proper scarf. And I'll give it a white trim, as well, so it can be your own."

"We ought to have chocolate-" Lily said, scurrying through her trunk in quest of something to offer. "Do you want a copy of The Bell Jar?"

"Why would you give her a copy of the Bell Jar as a present?" Madeline said, properly offended.

"I heard loads of boys fancy you." Marlene said, getting up to paint her toenails. "I heard Ethan McDougal say you were 'really hot'- those were the exact words- and he said you had a nice arse."

"Don't lie, Marlene." Dorcas said.

"It's true!" Marlene said. "I heard it myself. In the library. He said you were drama-free, which he 'needed'."

"Ew." Lily said. "You can do better than Ethan McDougal."

"It's meant to be a compliment." Marlene said. "Ethan McDougal's like really fit. Like really fit. Come on. We have to admit that. He may have been a dick to Alice- which by the way- I told you so, I told you so, I told you so, Alice and Frank fancied each other- and you all said I was off my rocker- but Alice has a type, and her type is super fit, muscular, tall, big-dick Gryffindor guys who about 30 other girls fancy."

"He is good looking." Dorcas sighed. "But I can't date anybody on that team. No way Jose. It'll just make things awkward, and take away my credibility."

"That's wise." Mary said finally. "You know, if you're looking for protein, you should really try tofu- I tried it with soya sauce, and it was delicious-"

"I think I want to be a vegetarian." Madeline declared. "I can't eat anything that looks like Aslan."

"Oh, wonderful!" Mary said, getting up and clapping. "It's so much better for the environment-"

"I just can't eat anything that has a face on it." Madeline sighed. "Makes me feel a bit ill."

"Does- does anyone else fancy Dorcas?" Lily asked.

"Loadssss of boys." Marlene sighed. "I know for a fact that Boot was looking at you-"

"None of them appeal to me." Dorcas said. "Except for perhaps Mark White."

"Mark White is so fit." Marlene nodded.

"But you know my policy." Dorcas sighed.

"What policy?"

"I have developed a new policy." Dorcas said. "If there is anything wrong in a relationship, the only thing to do is break up. No options."

"Surely, not." Lily said.

"Not all of us have saviour complexes." Dorcas said, getting up and stretching. "I have practice soon. I best be off on a run. Can any of you loan me money so I can buy a new kit? Mum doesn't approve of rugby- she said I ought to stick to ballet."

"My mother would faint if I joined the rugby team." Madeline said.

"Your mother's the Wicked Witch of the West." Lily growled. "And my sister is the Wicked Witch of the East. I just wish both of them got knocked by a flying house."

"My father's getting remarried." Marlene sighed. "I don't know how I feel about it."

"You know what stops feelings of negativity?" Mary McDonald said, crossing her legs and placing her palms upward, closing her eyes and letting out a series of 'umms'. "Turmeric Milk and Mediation."

Sponsored By: Durex

By some predicament of fate, Frank ended up with a box of bananas and a stack of condoms, his reputation in the bin behind him, at 5 o'clock on a precious afternoon, where he should've been with Alice. Stupid Hufflepuff girls. He should've made James do it. He should've made Ethan do it. Frank was insistent that the boys on his team behave properly, for the love of God. It was fairly simple. Always ask if it was alright to do the unmentionable activities, you know, if they felt comfortable and stuff, and always, always, always use a condom.

Steve Abbott, bringing in his posse of six Ravenclaws, plus the respective Hufflepuffs and Slytherins, led by Parkinson. James Potter saluted Frank. Frank wanted to knock his head on the table, but no matter. Approximately 27 boys and oh shit- Meadowes.

"Meadowes." Frank said. "If you want, you can sit this one out."

She looked at him strangely, and he let out a long sigh. He supposed honesty was the best policy.

"Right lads." He said, "And lady. I'm going to be straight with you. Apparently, a number of girls have claimed they have slept with one of you bastards- no, I will not tell you who, I do not know, but enough that the heads got involved- and apparently- some of you have diseases. This is all a matter of she said- he said, but I'm supposed to sort you out. Now, frankly- don't snicker Potter, I do not care what you do in your free time. However, when you have girls going up to Madam Pomfrey claiming that so and so got blisters up their you-know-what because they slept with Tom, Dick and Harry, it becomes a bit of a problem."

Steve Abbott raised his hand.

"Yes?"

"Sir." He said, with a mock hand raise, the way that he spoke to Slughorn. "Is it true that Ethan McDougal has herpes?"

"Herpes?" James Potter said, cocking an eyebrow. "If McDougal had any sort of disease, he would have syphilis. He'd only have decent diseases."

"Manly diseases." Sirius said.

"Which girl said what?" Asked a scumbag fourth year Slytherin Frank really didn't care for. He looked too nervous to be innocent.

"I don't know." Frank sighed. "Officially, I'm supposed to encourage you to go to Madam Pomfrey to get checked-"

"We have to get Madam Pomfrey to check our balls?"

"Do you reckon she'll stick a thermometer down there?"

"Probably put that ointment."

"The one that burns."

"No way she's putting that up my balls."

"She'll probably stick her finger up your bum."

"Smells like she puts it up her bum."

"She probably sticks that stuff up her-"

"Let's not talk about Madam Pomfrey's area, thank you very much." Frank said, trying not to imagine where exactly Madam Pomfrey used her infamous ointment in her free time. "Just go, alright? And for the love of God, please use a condom, not that most of you will get the opportunity to, let's be honest. Now, apparently, because God hates me, I have to demonstrate-"

Steve Abbott raised his hand again.

"Will it be a proper demonstration? Like- without the banana-"

"Oh, bog off and grow up." Frank muttered, tossing them all bananas. "Take a condom and a banana- no, Derek Alton, it does not matter whether you get the bigger banana, nor does it matter if it's spotted, Fenwick, please- just take a banana-."

"Sir." Sirius Black said. "Avery has a plantain and I can tell you from unfortunate moments in chemistry that a plantain is a grossly inaccurate representation of the real thing."

A low chuckle escaped the room. Sirius Black snatched the plantain, then Potter, then McDougal, which was then taken by Parkinson, which was then taken by Zabini. Meadowes stood there awkwardly, before rolling her eyes.

"For the love of God." She said, snatching away the plantain. "Just give me the plantain."

A couple of wolf-whistles left the room. Poor Meadowes. Meadowes looked focused, looked Steve Abbott right in the eye, took out the contraceptive, taunting him, stretched it over her chosen plantain, which was bruised, crooked and missing the stem, holding it in her palm like a trophy. "You used a condom with Lina Hoffman, I hope. Here. Have the plantain. That's the biggest you'll ever get, anyways."

James chuckled proudly. The Gryffindor boys grinned, even though the Lina Hoffman joke was a bit old, at this point, but the whole scenario did not call for top quality humour, to Frank's shagrin. Frank sighed. It was a long, sleep-deprived sigh. "Well, lads, if you can open the condom wrapper- yes, use your hands, there you go, if Meadowes can do it, you should be able to, well done, you all can open a condom now, go and tell your mothers that- right- now, when the time is right- if you all know what I mean- stick it on- thank you, put it on properly-"

After several jokes about Frank and his own romantic life, which earned several affirming comments about Alice from Ethan McDougal that should not be repeated (while they were flattering, they were still rude), the rugby boys were instructed on the purposes and mannerisms of how to use a contraceptive and officially encouraged to withdraw from sexual activity.

"Sir." Said Tommy Shane, who was no doubt aware he was the culprit of this whole endeavour. "What about blow jobs?"

"Let's all be real, Shane." Frank said. "You aren't getting a blow job from anybody."

Frank wanted to throw himself off the French Tower by the end of that, thank you very much.

The List

Liam Alton knew that he had four hours to kill before the first Slug Club meeting of the year, although he didn't know what to do with it. He had no desire to do any revision, not on a Thursday. Not when the excitement of seeing Lily there would trickle into his work, especially considering they were taking virtually the same classes, except he took economics and she took biology. He knew that because she insinuated he thought less of her, because she took biology, although he didn't, because he respected the fact that she took three sciences.

Every guy hates biology. Lily had shrugged. They all like physics.

I liked biology.

Then why didn't you take it?

Because I liked Physics more. I hated English.

I like English.

I like reading. I hate writing essays.

I like reading too.

Plath. He said, though that was a bit too quick. Plath, right?

I like Plath. I like Little Women. It's my favourite book.

She had smiled and dipped her head in her notebook, evidently considering her chemistry work more important than talking to him, which oddly made him like her even more. He liked her intelligence, he liked her beauty, that matched the upcoming months, he liked her culture and the way she talked.

He was reading in the common room, trying to focus, his feet on a chair, when Steve Abbott came in, with a rugby ball, asking him if he wanted to throw a ball around.

"It's such a hot day. I want to get out of this castle." He said.

Liam shook his head.

"Don't you have friends?" He asked, from behind his copy of Catcher in The Rye.

Steve glared. "They're all doing their English work. They've got a bitch of a new teacher. Why you'd choose English as an A-Level-"

"Mhm." Liam said. "By the way, you are in deep shit."

"I'm in deep shit?"

"Did you not hear? About William Gardiner?"

"Yeah, that's just Hufflepuffs being Hufflepuffs."

"No." Liam said. "A bunch of girls found out about the book."

"The book?"

"The book."

"Shit."

"Cordelia's going to ask you about yours. I have a feeling."

"She's insufferable."

"Hey." Liam said. "Cordelia has done nothing wrong here. If anything, I'd ask you too. Fucking Hufflpeuffs wanted to use her as some- some- makeshift revenge porn, or something."

"She hates me."

"For good reason."

"You're a bitch, too. Is your period due, Alton, cause I can arrange practice-"

Liam Alton said nothing and stared at him.

"You never fucking smile, you know that?"

"I smile at certain things."

"He smiled when Evans rejected Bertram." Said a familiar voice, and both of them turned to see it was Lina Hoffman, who was doing her French work and reading Madame Bovary somewhat simultaneously, which led Liam to believe she was making notes.

"Aubrey asked out Evans?" Abbott scoffed. "What is he, suicidal?"

"Apparently."

"I encouraged it." Lina said. She rarely spoke when Abbott was in her presence. She mostly just glared. "I told him to give him a shot."

"Christ, you're cruel."

"And you're out of the loop." Lina said. "And Cordelia does hate you, for good measure, Abbott, because you are a Class-A dick, and most definitely, we will find out your little initiation practice. Just know that Frank Longbottom won't be as kind when he finds out about yours."

Given the past history between the two, Steve Abbott politely excused himself and decided to go for a walk, aimlessly tossing a bottle cap and hoping that he could find a new group of followers.

"I fancy a walk." Lina sighed. "Want to come, Liam?"

"A walk?"

"A walk, yes. To stroll. Marche, in French. Spaziergang in German. Moving your legs one in front of the other-"

"Fine. It's not like I have anything better to do."

He stuffed his hands in his pockets and Lina followed him out. He remembered one night in the end of fourth Year, when he had met Lina for a talk in the Astronomy Tower about their nihilistic beliefs and she had ended up giving him a blowjob and they had ended up sleeping together, which had ended in a very awkward breakfast conversation and patrol with Cordelia in the following year.

But no matter. Cordelia was endlessly sweet and moved past it very quickly, and given that Cordelia liked him, Lina tolerated him now.

"You want to see the list, don't you?"

"The list?"

"I made it during mocks." Lina said. "The list."

"The list?"

"I was bored. During English, because I finished early. So I made a list on the back of my paper. Poor Professor Grant." Lina said. "He got all the gossip, I suppose. I guess that's why he changed the seating plan."

"A list?"

"Of names."

"Of names."

"Yes."

"And I want to see this because-"

"Because, it'll solve your every problem." She said, "Ok, look. The list is a list of who likes who in this God forsaken school. I made it and Cordelia helped me, bless her. Do you want to see it?"

"Why would I want to see it?"

"Come on, Liam." She said, doing a very, very dramatic eye roll. "Fine. If you want to play it that way, I will read out the list. Do you want to hear it from the male side or the female side?"

"You pick."

"You have a way with words, you know that?" Lina said, taking out a notebook. "Right. Ravenclaw. Bertram Aubrey- obviously Lily Evans. Benjy Fenwick- I'm 99% sure he fancies Hannah Oats, which is a sentence if there ever was one. Liam Douglas- totally fancies Madeline Clarke, which makes me sick. Loads of boys fancy Madeline, but what's interesting is loads of girls actually fancy Remus, actually, because he's a decent fellow-"

"Isn't it a bit rich for you to comment on infidelity?"

"Will anyone let me move on with my life?" Lina snapped. Her reputation seemed to have thrust itself into every interaction, every look, every joke revolving around every element of stupid life. The only person who didn't give her shit was Cordelia, obviously, and ironically, Madeline Clarke. "Do you want to know what I have to say, or not?"

"Not particularly."

"Fine! Here- Cordelia wrote this this morning. Liam Alton fancies Lily Evans- you want me to say that louder?"

"Shut it." He said, as she pulled him into a classroom. Lina glared at him. "I'll- I'll give you detention, for your tights, or something."

"Oh, come on." Lina said. "You think you're so cool, with your whole I don't smile and I hate the world shtick. Well, listen here, sucker. You've got Slug Club next. Lily Evans has fancied you for the past two years, so has Claire Oliver, since first year, but no one cares enough about her to make a scene-"

Liam blinked. He knew she liked him in fourth year, but she still did?

"She does?"

"Of course, she bloody does!" Lina snapped. "For the love of God. Ask her out. We can put this whole Potter affair behind us. Madeline will be happy, because then Lily will be happy, and I like seeing Madeline happy. You will stop staring at her like a deer in headlights. And- and-"

"And what?"

Lina let out a desperate sigh. She sounded close to tears. "Cordelia will be happy."

"Cordelia?"

"Cordelia fancies James Potter." Lina said, fidgeting with her skirt. "She hasn't said it, but I know she will. She's going to get hurt again. It's inevitable. He's James Potter. He only cares about his three friends and occasionally Madeline Clarke and above all-"

"Lily Evans." Liam said weakly, because he was secretly jealous of James Potter, and the way he secretly charmed teachers and got away with causing fights and the way girls seemed to fall over themselves with regards to his every being, how he managed to churn out top marks without studying, how he got away with not doing homework.

Liam, who prided himself on playing it safe, never seemed to get the same recognition. He couldn't help but wonder if it would change, if his mother came from Godric's Hollow instead. Sure, he was respected, but a girl like Lily Evans didn't just fancy anyone. Did she fancy him?

"Exactly. And you're the only person in the grade who is respected enough to stand up to him. And she fancies you. I don't know. I can't explain it. If you date Lily, then she's out of the way, and Cordelia will be happy."

"He won't want Cordelia."

"I know. Maybe. I don't know." Lina said. "I just know if you two go out, it'll solve a lot of problems that I happen to have. And it'll piss off Bertram. He's such a fucking prick. I hate him."

"I don't want Cordelia hurt either."

"Me neither." Lina said. "I hurt her with Abbott. I promised I wouldn't hurt her again. And Madeline. Madeline's- Madeline's my protectorate now."

"So what'd you want me to do?"

"I don't know. Let her blow your mind. Madeline said she got a boyfriend over the summer-"

"I know. She wrote to me."

Lina shrugged. She wiped her eyes. "I hate the boys Cordelia dates."

"I do too."

"We can't help it, can we? We can only be there for the inevitable aftermath."

"Does she really like me?"

"She thinks you're brilliant."

"Really?"

"Oh, please." Lina said. "There's a reason Potter doesn't like you."

"What do I do?"

"I'm not going to fucking hold your hand." Lina said. "I'm going to do French here and hide from Abbott. Fuck, I hate that man. I hate Steve Abbott. Why did I even sleep with him?"

"Was the sex good?"

"Better than any of you, I suppose."

"Did you want to date him?"

"No way." Lina snorted.

"Then why did you sleep with him?"

"I don't know." Lina shrugged. "I guess I liked the attention."

"Any decent fellow here could give you attention. Do you have anyone on the list-"

"I'm too much of a bitch."

"Lina."

"Oh, come on. No one will go out with me!"

"I think you're telling yourself that."

"I really don't see the appeal of it." Lina shrugged. "I think I'll date more when I get to uni. Right now, I have to focus on AS."

Liam raised an eyebrow, but his face, as ever, remained unbothered. "Cordelia's worried about you. She's worried you're going to eat yourself up because of January."

"I know." Lina said. "I'll be alright. Madeline's my friend now. I have a friend that's female, wahoo. Look at me. I have Cordelia, all the boys who made me a slag, wahoo, minus Steve Abbott, and Madeline Clarke. And you. I don't count you as part of the fan club. Now, go wow Lily Evans. You owe me a juicy description so me and Cordelia can gossip."

"I'm worried about you, Lina." He said. "Come on. You're- you're"

"Acting bitchier than usual?"

Liam said nothing to confirm the statement, nor did he deny it, so Lina took it as true, which made her feel so much worse. He just stared at her, with a sort of blank look in his face, but Lina had been around Liam Alton for long enough to learn that was a look of sadness, because he didn't want Lina to be upset, that he didn't like the direction her life was taking. This made her feel even worse, as if she was some object of pity, because she didn't like it too.

"Liam." Lina said. "Just go. Please."

Liam said nothing and left. Lina, for a moment, clutched her notebook to her chest, thinking, just thinking. She thought of the summer, in August, when Cordelia had taken her to her sister's holiday home in Saluzzo, where they had spent days in the sun, reading and talking and editing the list, thinking about going back to school.

She thought of the sun, and Cordelia's black hair, and the way that Lina had fallen asleep in the pool, ignoring her parents, ignoring the choking, despairing gossip that surrounded her, ignoring the fact that she was beautiful. Not as beautiful as Madeline or Cordelia, but beautiful still, beautiful enough that it could ruin her life.

Cordelia had all the hallmarks of a crush; the way she asked who the fittest boys in the school were, waiting for Lina to mention James Potter, and then said something far too specific, such as 'he has the nicest smile', or mentioned how she liked how he was good at physics, that really he was quite a nice fellow, except a bit all over the place.

Cordelia fell in love with the simplest things, with the easiest gestures, and expected nothing more than a kiss once in a while and a hello. For her, a kiss goodnight would be all that she needed.

Lina Hoffman would not let James Potter break Cordelia's heart the way Tommy Shane had, three times. She knew that Cordelia would spend all her time with the stupid boy. She knew that Cordelia would leave Lina alone with Madeline, who would leave for Remus Lupin or her friends, and Lina would be all alone. No girl in their right mind would want to hang out with Lina Hoffman, not if they wanted to keep their boyfriends, despite how hard Lina had tried to correct her reputation. The best she could do were to get rid of the obstacles in the way.

But it was the thought of Cordelia mindlessly following James Potter, leaving Lina, the thought of them kissing, that drove her wild, so much so that she began to cry, over the stupid notebook, thinking of her copy of Madam Bovary upstairs, hissing and sputtering, in a way that she had never cried before, not even over stupid Steve Abbott.

Lina wiped her tears with her sleeve and got up. Her period must've been due. Fuck. God. She hated this school. Cordelia was waiting for her and they were going to have hot chocolate in bed, while getting ready for Hawking's incoming kittens.

Cordelia loved kittens and Lina loved Cordelia.

Best of Times, Worst of Crimes (1)

Madeline Clarke had asked to go to the bathroom at 9:13.

Edward Avery knew from her time in Chemistry that she took 7 minutes (on average) meandering in the bathroom. He had four minutes to excuse himself and catch a glimpse of her, alone. Nothing could be worth more than time alone with her. A moment of happiness.

It was 9:14. He thought of the last time he was at a big dinner, like this. It was one of the balls- at the races. Sirius Black had not shown up. Edward Avery knew by the time he returned to school that Sirius Black claimed that he ran away. The Blacks were stiffly defending themselves with the notion of disownment. Regulus Black was the new heir, which he had always been in everything but name. Edward Avery chuckled as he fiddled with his tie.

Lily Evans had excused herself. She was wearing a tight dress that Edward Avery made a mental note to feed to Evan later. Evan Rosier had all sorts of perversions, but Lily Evans happened to be the centre of quite a few of them. Edward chuckled to himself as he thought of Severus's lovesick gaze, thinking of how he was blatantly staring at her talking to Lupin and Madeline without a care in the world.

Madeline's body was ethereal. There was little to think about but the little flashes he stole: periwinkle blue, laughter, perfect cheeks, perfect nose, hair cut well, hairless arms, that was important, long legs, cupping Lupin's arm-

Edward turned to his watch. 9:15. He thought of the races again. The races. He had danced with all sorts of girls, but they all seemed empty voids as they spun around the room. Empty voids, as he thought of lilac and lavender and pink and Dickens and little giggles, though he was rather a witness to the giggles than an accomplice. The shades of grey and candlelight had descended down upon the classroom they were using. Edward smiled at Professor Slughorn. Frank Longbottom scowled at him. Edward stuck out his shoulders and went to the periphery, drinking from his father's flask.

The Races. The ball. So much wealth, so many cream-coloured gowns. Cream was a terrible colour. Perhaps they were wearing ballgowns of green and silver. He saw only black and white, only cream, only nothing. There was no lilac, no lavender, no Dickensian description, no golden thread. Edward had shot so much that day. Edward had been one of the best shots, second to only Regulus Black. That was embarrassing.

Her pure, pale aura shone through- it was almost tantalising, as she stood in the moonlight. She looked deathly, but she looked like all life shone through her, sweet like a fig, sinful like a girl spread out on a magazine. Persephone. Life seemed to follow her like flowers wherever she went, no matter how deathly the surroundings.

9:16. He drank some more of his flask. The cockishness that occupied his mind with the Hufflepuff- what was her name- Hannah Smith- had stirred again. Liam Alton stared at him. Liam Alton was eyeing the door. He nodded at Severus, to indicate his leaving. Severus without Evans's nomination would soon be banished from the Slug Club. Edward followed Liam Alton down the passageway. Liam took himself on a long detour. He seemed troubled, perhaps by the same afflictions in Edward's heart.

He made his way towards the girl's bathroom. What Edward knew, but bringing himself to say, was that he was very much in love with Madeline Clarke. The notion of fear that he had built, allowing himself to enjoy the terror in people's eyes, had lost its satiety. Her fear when she had spoken to him made him feel uncomfortable. In fact- in fact- sometimes, in his dreams, he thought of her, in all sorts of ways, but mostly, in little moments that meant nothing at all.

Sweet, satiating moments- a little blonde girl, waking him up for breakfast, a kiss on the forehead, reading in his father's library, a smile through the lace of a white veil. It had first come during the races. He was thinking of it when he shot the partridge that had lived. It was a weakness, but he allowed it to run its course through his body, this unfamiliar feeling, this weakness, this joy. It came on, constant like a film reel replaying at a cinema, with only one member of the audience.

He heard a low rumble in the girl's bathroom. 9.17. Edward Avery opened the door, as he saw her washing her hands. She was massaging her neck, taking a deep breath. She was fishing through her handbag, trying to reapply some lipstick. Edward scanned the room- no feet in the cubicles. She was the only one. They were alone. He flicked his knife and spun it in an attempt to pass the time.

9.18. A whole minute passed, as she turned and gave out a little yelp. Madeline reached for her hair as her face froze. A jolt down his stomach. He hated the fear in those pretty eyes. Madeline twiddled her ankles.

"Hello?" She said. "The boy's bathroom is down the hall- I'm sure you know-"

"I wanted to talk to you."

"Talk to me?"

"Mhm."

"Well, we are at the same party, I believe-"She said.

"Alone."

"Oh. I see." She said, "Well, I'd really like to get back- Lily said she should be back- just wanted a smoke-"

"You smoke?"

"No." She said, politely. "I don't smoke. My cat's allergic."

She walked down, trying to leave the bathroom. Edward instinctively grabbed her arm. She let out a little yelp.

"Can I go, please?" She asked.

"I want to talk to you."

"We can talk at the party."

"Alone."

"Please, Avery, please." She said, "Remus is expecting me-"

"I want to talk to you."

"About what?" She said. Her voice trembled. Her lip quivered. She was well and truly scared. Edward felt even more confused.

"Things."

"Well, we can talk about things at the party, please, just let me go- I won't tell anyone-"

"Yes, you will." He said.

"No I won't, really, I think you're probably just drunk- you smell like you've been drinking- please-"

"I haven't been drinking-"

"You smell like Daddy-" She said, and then she really began to cry, and shake her arm. She was terribly thin. Too thin. She had lost weight over the summer. She was nearly as tall as he was, though she was wearing heels. He saw little marks on her neck that reminded him of the collection of hickeys she wore very proudly earlier this month. "Please."

"What did he do?"

"Nothing much." She said, shaking her arm again. "Please, Avery, you really are scaring me- I think you've drunk too much-"

"You've never been drunk before?"

"No."

"Have you ever drunk anything before?"

"My brothers and I do a shot of vodka before the school year- I felt kinda giddy-"

"Is that when you got all those hickeys?"

"Hickeys?"

"Before the prefect's meeting?"

"Why were you at the prefect's meeting?"

"I saw you." And he allowed himself to touch the marks, little marks that only he could've picked up.

"Avery, please let me go." She said, shaking her head. She was crying now, properly. "You're really scaring me. Please, Avery, please."

He realised that after this, she would tell all her friends. Potter would beat him up, because Lupin was too much of a coward to do so anyways. They would all get detention. She would cry. She wasn't in any of his classes- she'd leave the library when he walked in- she'd walk away- Lupin would put his arm around her as they walked in Hogsmeade- years later, Lupin would probably see her in lace, awoken for breakfast by a tiny blonde toddler, kisses on forehead. The moments Edward Avery could never buy, Remus Lupin would steal.

He reached for his knife. She struggled again, but she was too scared to slap him. Good. She was a very smart girl.

"Please let me go." She said, "Please."

He closed his eyes. He was acting irrationally. He couldn't prepare an anecdote for Professor Slughorn when he would inevitably end up in his office. He was in deep shit.

"If you tell anyone about this, I'll tell Lupin you kissed me."

"What?" She said, "He's not going to believe that."

"You know he will. He's a coward."

"He's not a coward."

"Mhm." Edward said, and then he traced her jaw. She rushed to leave, but he pinned her down. "Your boyfriend's a coward, Madeline. Come on. I see how he looks at Abbott. He knows you've downgraded."

"I haven't downgraded." Madeline said firmly. "And he's a thousand times better than you'll ever be. You're horrid and a- a- poohead and I hate you. I hope you go to hell."

At that, Edward Avery lost it. Perhaps she was right. Perhaps he lost it. He tried to kiss her, and she froze. The thumping in her heart was not romantic infatuation he knew, but fear, because he had taken her arm and tried to situate it where the knife was in his pocket. A reminder. Hannah had done the same. She froze- dead- his midas touch working overtime- as he took the hem of her skirt, looking her right in the eye, and slid a hand up her leg, touching the very innermost part with his other. She began to cry harder. She got snot on his shirt. He resisted the urge to spit on her.

"You didn't even fight it." He said to himself, though she listened, as he wiped his hands on his crisp trousers. "Huh. I thought the Americans had more in them. You really think your boyfriend's gonna believe you now? Come on, Madeline. You let me kiss you. You probably haven't even seen him shirtless, have you? How chivalrous. I've done worst things, Madeline Clarke, and if you tell a soul, just know, you're the first on my list. You understand?"

He walked off and stuffed his hands in his pocket, twiddling his knife for comfort. It wasn't the same as he imagined it, but an Avery got what he wanted. He could sustain himself for another month or two. The lace flew behind him, where he ignored it, where she sat crumpled on the floor, crying to herself.

Beautiful Magic Love

Liam Alton was waiting behind the shacks, having a smoke, when Lily Evans came to join him. She knew he was, from the look in his eye. There was something daring about his look, despite his stone-like face. She had had four sherries and three canapes, to her despair, though Liam didn't know that. He hadn't noticed. Nobody really noticed how much Lily ate except for Lily herself and Severus Snape. There were other things on Liam's mind, like the fact that she had worn a navy blue dress that was wonderfully and spectacularly tight around those famous hips and had her hair up in a bun.

"I never asked you about your brother." She said, "About how he survived your uncles."

"My uncles?"

"Yeah- your mum's family." She said, slumping to the floor, her dress smeared with dirt. She took a cigarette out. "Shit. I don't have a lighter."

Liam tossed her a box of matches. She was assaulted by his radiance; the way that the moonlight hit his face ever so brilliantly; the way he looked tall from the ground up. They both seem to hate Slug Clubs, the way the ties were black, the way the lies were white. The way that everyone rallied around Professor Slughorn in both an undignified manner, but pretended like it wasn't for anything but their own gain.

"Matches?" She asked.

"I lost my lighter."

She shrugged and took the match, lighting her cigarette. She held it between her teeth as she fiddled with the straps of her heels, face twisted with extreme focus. "Your uncles. You wrote that your mum and them were having a fight. And your brother got involved. You never replied to my letter."

"Oh. Right. I flew back when it arrived." He said. He fumbled with the lining of his pockets. A soft cotton his mother had picked out. "They're just fighting over some irrelevant things."

"Like what?"

"Like my father." Liam shrugged. He had no idea why he was telling her this. Not even Derek spoke about it with Liam, as they kicked a rugby ball back and forth, talking about the things brothers spoke about, about girls and rugby and school and funny moments in class. He loved his family. There was no way in hell he would tell any of his friends this, but Lily Evans had a way of speaking softly enough that you feel vulnerable to tell you things you don't normally tell.

"My mum's- she's artistic. She thinks it'll be better if they separate, so she can feel all artistic and stuff. I don't know. She's my mum. She's sweet and kind and brilliant, and my dad's a hard worker and busy trying to weed out the IRA, but they both just-"

"They've fallen out of love, you mean?"

"Oh God no. Trust me. They love each other. We- my mum and I- we are close- and sometimes she tells me things about my dad- you know- things no kid wants to hear about their parents- anyways- it's just their work. My dad goes to Ireland, my mum goes back to Tokyo, and flies back to watch her art gallery."

"At least they love each other."

"My mum's really sweet." He said, really proudly. "She was heartbroken when I didn't take art."

"My parents- well. They loved each other. They just had the world against them."

"World against them?"

"It's not easy, in Cokeworth." She said, "It's not easy being poor. It's easy to talk about the brilliance of love, but it's hard to love someone when they've lost their job. My dad- he was a dreamer. A dreamer- always full of big ideas. He wanted to open a restaurant. That was his dream. But he never had any practicality. When you're rich, you can afford to dream."

"He died, right?" He said.

"Coming up this Christmas." Lily said, and then let out a long breath. She closed her eyes. "It's hard to grieve for him, when I've been so removed."

"What'd you mean?"

"Well." Lily said. "All the times I've loved him haven't been in Hogwarts. And I spent the entire summer running away from the fact that he died."

"You went to Clarke's house-"

"And then Andy from Cokeworth 1976." Lily said, and his stomach twisted. "Can't say much about Andy. He looked like you. But blonde. He was blue."

"Blue?"

"All shades of blue." Lily sighed. "A sign of the times. I've turned into a slobbering poet."

"I think you had a hard year." He said, like his mother would, trying to sound as sympathetic as possible. This whole conversation was taking a lot out of him.

"Hoffman's law." Lily sighed. "We don't talk about the boys who broke our hearts in fifth year. We don't talk about fifth year in general."

"Why's that?"

"Haven't you heard?" Lily whispered. "I'm Lady Lazarus. I rise with my red hair and eat men like air."

"Oh God." He said, "I keep on forgetting you're a Plath girl."

"Nothing wrong with liking a little Plath." Lily said. "You didn't say anything in Chemistry when I told you I liked Plath. I- I long to be- to be- mysterious and magical, but sadly, I am not, because I have a temper and a tendency to say mean things, and talk too much. And besides, I spend too much time revising. Mysterious girls don't revise."

"I think you're pretty mysterious." He shrugged.

"I don't know why I'm telling you this." She said, getting up. "I suppose I'll wish you goodnight. It is a Thursday, after all, and I have a reputation of going to bed at 10 that I best live up to."

Lily Evans really couldn't have been more obvious- Hoffman's Law, really- a blonde Liam Alton- and if it wasn't for Lina's handy little tidbits, Liam would've obviously left her to smoke, in his stone-face state.

"How much of an influence does Bertram carry on the school?"

"Not much."

"How much do you estimate?"

"Whatever he had, the moustache took away."

"So, say, if I piss him off, nothing will really happen?"

"I don't know. Do Cordelia and Lina like him?"

"I think they treat him the same way you would Pettigrew."

"Well, then, I think you're fine."

"I'm sorry you're poor."

"I am too."

"And that your dad died."

"Thanks. I'm sorry Madam Peeves is so horribly racist to you."

"There are many Madam Peeves in this world." He shrugged. "I have little to grieve but the knowledge that I'm heading far in life."

"Grief doesn't happen here."

"Yeah. Grief doesn't happen here."

"How's Derek doing?"

"Taking after his brother."

"You spend time snogging fourth year girls in broom closets?"

"Not fourth year girls."

Lily remained silent for a moment, a split second. She took her cigarette in between her lips and closed her eyes, thinking of the number three, thinking of Andy from Cokeworth, thinking of her dad, thinking of what Dorcas would say, trying not to give away a reaction.

"So." He said, taking out another cigarette. "Do you really turn down everyone who asks you out, or do I have to join the club?"

Lily Evans opened her green eyes wide. She blinked. Oh, bless Liam Alton and his irrelevant problems. "Only if you don't take me to Madam Puddifoots."

"God no."

"Then I suppose you will have to suffer the glare of Bertram Aubrey for a hot minute."

"I suppose it'll be worth it."

"I suppose so."

"As long as you don't call me Liam Alton from Hogwarts, of October 1976."

"Perhaps you can be a different colour."

"What kind?"

"Red, I suppose. Red."

"Shouldn't I be blue?"

"Burning, vivid red." She said, "I suppose I've broken Hoffman's law."

"What is Hoffman's law?"

"We don't talk about the boys we fancied in fifth year."

"We don't?"

"Well, I was supposed to." She shrugged. "See you. It's a school night. I ought to get to bed, or else you'll see a very grumpy Lily Evans tomorrow."

"Bye, Lily."

"Bye, Liam."

He looked at her for a moment, and then walked closer, and kissed her, good and proper, not like Andy from Cokeworth had done, and certainly without a moustache, a-la Bertram Aubrey, but something special and wonderful and the sorts that sent sparks flying, against the sheds, the secret smoking spot of the school. Lily didn't react when his hands flickered past her bracelet, which he did not know was given to her by James Potter. This was two years worth of secret daydreams, of Lily's fantasy belief that if you will it, it can happen.

The question remained- who was Lily Evans? She didn't quite know the answer, but it was becoming more and more clear that she was the girl who had struck a match and blown Liam Alton's mind.

Afterglow

Steve Abbott hated Godric's Hollow.

It reminded him of Madeline, who he was ashamed to admit that he was not fully over. There was still a sliver of hope that she would come to her senses and ask for a rerun. He missed her chattering, her rambling, her cute way of spinning when walking and talking to lost first years and helping them to their classes. He missed the way he felt when his friends hid their attraction to her, a guilty pride.

She spoke about the town constantly, of their little traditions. He would kiss her to distract her, but he liked hearing about her little Godric's Hollow.

But apparently, Godric's Hollow was the place to be among the merry wives of Hogwarts alumni. The Potters and the Clarkes and the Bones were there, and anybody who was anybody had been to Godric's Hollow.

Steve would've ranted and raved a little more if his mother hadn't bought him a new Mercedes to shut him up. He did rant and rave when his mother made him drive Sienna to her ballet lessons on account of 'talking with the realtor'. Fucking ballet. Fucking leotards. He'd tripped on ballet shoes one morning. Fucking ballet shoes and fucking tutus. The washing machine had shredded Sienna's tutu and left pink fluff over his favourite jumper. Fuck tutus.

Steve Abbott was having a crappy summer.

He'd done nothing than do maths, drive around aimlessly listening to Thin Lizzy, look at crappy houses in Godric's Hollow pretending not to see Madeline, Evans and Potter gallivant around town on their bicycles half-naked, write letters to Hannah, who was very sweet and very brave but fourth years could only have so much in common with seventh years, avoid his clingy, useless friends, wash his Mercedes shirtless and pretend the neighbour wasn't ogling him and go for a run once in a while so he didn't turn into a blueberry.

He hadn't had a drop of alcohol, on account of his mother's eager eyes. The only joy in his life was the girls he'd been able to sneak in (when his mother and Sienna went for her weekly ballet practice late in the afternoon).

The flavour of the week had been a pretty girl named Jenny who had curly brown hair and liked giving blowjobs. She had a nice bum and a flat tummy. He'd met her when she was dropping her sister off for jazz- Bath Dance Studios had turned out to be his stomping ground. It was a routine- drop Sienna off, flirt with the respective woman, drive her home, sex, and repeat.

Sienna was dressed in her leotard and tights, despite the fact that they were going to view houses and suffer a two-hour car ride. This was the fourth time they had moved in the past five years, and he hated Bath. He hated Godric's Hollow more, but he hated anywhere that wasn't London. His mother's insistence on using their money to invest in property (as opposed to stocks, which Steve had begged her to do) was going to drive him up a fucking wall.

Women! Were! Insufferable!

Well, he didn't mean that, because women knew when you thought those things, and like a drug addict, he was a horny bastard, and hence needed sex. Besides, his mother wouldn't do his laundry if she knew his true feelings.

It was bad enough he was the man in the house, but he wasn't treated like it! Driving his sister to ballet- Jesus Christ- who was he- Frank Longbottom-

And then he had to stay in the bloody place! He was scared enough of seeing Madeline look, well, like Madeline, all pretty and perfect, and even Evans was looking good, less sickly than usual, with bigger tits, except Potter was looking insufferable, with Longbottom's sticky influence all over him. Fucking hell. Life was so hard.

Well. At least Jenny offered sex at her place, so it had turne into something regular. Some joy in these horrid times. That was relieving. He had a sick feeling she expected him to ask her out, God forbid. Steve Abbott did not go out with random girls from Bath Dance Studios. That was a Frank Longbottom move. He was rugby captain- as he should be. Shag them, whatever look, race or creed- he wasn't particular- and Mrs. Abbott would've died if her son had off-colour morals- but he still felt a mixture of guilt and longing.

And then his mercedes- his pride and joy- was sugared- fucking Justin Clarke. He nearly lost it. He nearly walked up to their house- but then he saw Lupin had joined them- and they were walking all over the village as if they bloody owned the place- kissing behind the Order- fucking hell-

He couldn't discuss this with anybody, because any reasonable man older than him would've told him he stuffed it up, which he knew, and to move on. Any of his friends would've laughed at his sentimentality. He'd barely recovered from the Gryffindor-Ravenclaw game.

What a miserable summer.

He was on prefect's duty, with Thelia Greengrass, who politely agreed to do patrolling separately. She was not fond of Steve Abbott. Steve Abbott was not fond of her. He was just doing rounds near the chemistry classroom. He never found anything interesting. Just his luck.

He was just checking an empty classroom when he heard sniffling. It was haggard sort of sniffling, sniffling that was unknown to him. God forbid. It was a girl crying. Could this year get any worse?

A tall figure emerged from the bathroom, as she wiped her eyes but wrapped her arms around her body and fell to the floor. She was full-on sobbing now. Steve let out a sigh. Lucky it wasn't after curfew. Thelia liked to do rounds early, to remind people to head to bed. Thelia was a goody-two-shoes if there ever was one. He hated Thelia Greengrass. Less than a year until he was off making his way in the world, free from his reputation and free from all the nonsense of this godforsaken school.

"Hello, Steve." The figure said. She wiped her eyes. Steve froze, as he looked at her. She was wiping her arm anxiously, squeezing it as if to cut off the blood flow. She rolled her shoulders back and looked to the floor.

"Hey, Mads." He whispered. "Are you alright?"

"I'm fine." She said. Steve assessed the possible outcomes- had she- had she- had she been dumped? Could she have had a fight with Evans? Did a brother get injured- hallelujah!

Jubilated, he brought her to the floor and stared at her. "Are you alright?"

"I'm fine." She said, "I think I'm just upset."

"About what?"

"Nothing. It's nothing at all."

"Mads, are you sure-"

"I'm fine."

"Lupin didn't dump you, did he?"

She stared at him, aghast.

"Oh, fuck off." She said rather angrily, which surprised him, because she never really swore. "Is that what- god. You are a heathen."

"Well, what else could logically make you this upset?"

"He's going to break up with me." She said, and then she began to cry again.

"Why?"

"I'm- I'm a- I'm a-" She said, and then she collapsed onto his lap and began to cry again. "I don't know. He stood there- it was so scary- he said- he said- if I told anyone- he'd tell Remus that I kissed him-"

"What?" Steve said, pulling her up. "What's going on?"

"Avery." She said, in one sunken breath. "Avery-"

And then she cried again. Steve patted her on the back in an attempt to show some sympathy. She cried harder. "Avery put his hand up my dress."

Steve blinked.

It suddenly all made sense.

Hannah was blonde.

Hannah was youthful.

Hannah told Lily during the easter holidays- Eastertime was when Avery asked Madeline out.

Every good boyfriend with an exceptionally pretty girlfriend does a scan of the room to see which boy is staring at their girlfriend, and Avery was always one of the primary culprits. Avery was the one who-

"I'm going to McGonagall." Steve said.

"No!" She shrieked. "No, you can't."

"Why not?"

"Because he's going to ruin me." She said, "I should've run- I froze- I just- I just let him- He made me feel his knife-"

"Is that a euphemism, Mads?"

"No. You know he carries a knife- he's so scary- I thought he was going to- going to- going to-" She said, and then she cried harder.

"Oh fucking hell." Steve whispered. "Madeline, we need to tell McGonagall- or Slughorn-"

"No!" She said, "No, no, no, no."

"Madeline. It's not right-"

"Steven Abbott." She said firmly. "You won't tell a soul. You won't. You give me your word. No one will believe me. They'll say I was a liar and they'll make up all sorts of rumours-"

"Madeline, that's not true."

"It is." Madeline said. "They'll say I lied to get him out of the rugby cup, or something silly-"

"Mads, I believe you."

"Because you want to get into my pants." She said sharply. Steve blinked. "Oh, come on, it's true. I just want to go to bed."

She walked into the bathroom and began to wet her eyes. "What am I going to do?"

"Tell McGonagall."

"James didn't even get detention. No way in hell Avery's going to get anything done to him. He's Slytherin's darling-"

"It's different when it's a boy and a girl."

"It's the same. Nobody cares." Madeline said. "And it's just my word against him. I'm the school idiot, remember? No one will-"

She began to cry again, her voice static. "No one will- listen- listen- to me."

"I'm listening."

"Because you want to get into my pants!"

"Oh, Mads."

"Don't Oh-Mads me-" She said, but then she heard something. Her ears pricked like a cats- she turned to the door.

"Dandelion?" Someone called. She looked at Steve straight and jerked her head towards one of the cubicles. She wet her eyes, trying to look poised. She swallowed. Steve balanced on the toilet seat, trying to seem as small as possible, so that Lupin wouldn't see his legs.

From the slit in the cubicle, he could see her. Her eyes were still puffy and red.

"Madeline?"

"I'm coming." She smiled. "I'm sorry. I think I'm just really tired."

"Mind if I come in?"

"No one else is here." She smiled. Lupin wrapped his arm around his waist and kissed her cheek politely. His eyes looked bloodshot. God. Was he high?

"Never been in a girl's loo before."

"They're not that special. Nothing interesting ever happens here." She shrugged.

"You've been crying."

"I-" She said, and then she collapsed into tears again. "I'm sorry. I don't know what's gotten hold of me. Daddy- Daddy hasn't responded to my letters."

"Fuck him."

"It's ok."

"Want to talk about it?"

"Not particularly."

"I keep on telling myself, if I've survived dinner with your family, I can survive anything, but frankly-"

"Remus?"

"Yes?"

"I just really want to sleep."

"Oh, thank God. I hate these things."

"I never want to go to a Slug Club again."

"Music to my ears."

He kissed her again, but only Steve noticed that her body stiffened and she was squeezing part of her forearm. She wiped her eyes again. Her mascara had dripped onto her shirt. She looked like a mess. Steve nearly let out a sigh.

He waited a good five minutes to go to the bathroom, but the long hall meant that Madeline and Remus were still walking towards the dorm, and Steve realised he hadn't waited nearly long enough. Remus turned around. He pretended to be on rounds. Remus squinted his eyes.

Why Steve kept on finding girls in this predicament, he had no idea. He ran up the staircase and to his dormitory. Fuck Thelia Greengrass and Frank Longbottom and their new system. He wanted to tell McGonagall, but he knew that Madeline would never forgive him, and it wasn't his place. No one would listen to him. It would be misinterpreted as some Shakespearian love gesture, because Madeline was right, he still loved her. Madeline deserved more than that.

He had to talk to Hannah, because now he knew why she was so scared, and he realised it was only a matter of time before Madeline Clarke fell into her similar state. She had to tell someone who wasn't him. Avery could be expelled. Hannah could be safe.

He was walking up the dormitory, when he saw Lina Hoffman, slowly trudging through Madam Bovary. He had not spoken to her properly, not since January.

"Lina?"

"Fuck off."

"Lina. Will you do me a favour?"

"No." She said, putting down her book. "You'd think-

"No. Will you look after Madeline?" He said.

"Of course, I will." She said, looking at him earnestly. "Are you drunk? Cause good god-"

"I'm going to sleep."

"What was that, Beana?" Cordelia King whispered, from the other end of the room, doing her physics work.

"I think he's horny." Lina whispered. "And I think he needs a good smack from his mother."

"Mhm." Cordelia sighed, giving him a good look.

Steve wanted nothing more than to go back to Godric's Hollow, allow the summer to seep in, as he sat in the bathroom and smoked, hoping that it would take away this newfound stress. He wanted to rip Edward Avery apart, but he knew he couldn't, because of the fact that his father had bought off half the board. He needed to talk to Lily, but he felt locked by knowing that Madeline refused to talk about it, in her Texan mindset.

Steve wished he could feel angry, but a desolate feeling of resignation towards the fact that she was likely to do nothing made him feel nothing but great sadness, looking for the moment in the afterglow when none of this mattered anymore.