CHAPTER 10

I couldn't sleep. I didn't know if it was because I had knocked back several cups of coffee after dinner or because of my visit with Jace. The latter was more likely. It had been more than a week since I saw him and I couldn't get him out of my mind. I looked at the bedside clock to see that it said 3:35 AM. I'd be getting up in less than three hours to get ready for work. I could already tell that my mind would be useless today just like it had been every day for the past seven. I wanted to stay in the comfort of my bed, snuggled up next to my husband. I glanced over at Matthew, who was sound asleep. He had a peaceful, rested look on his face in spite of his injuries and relatively incapacitated state. He wasn't always full of rainbows and sunshine, but he usually faced adversity head on. He had never backed down from an uncomfortable situation since I had known him. His level head had served him well, not only as a captain in the fire department, but also as a husband and a father.

When I came home from seeing Jace, I immediately told Matt. I wanted everything we discussed to be out in the open. As usual, Matt responded to the news with a calm, cool demeanor. I half expected him to blow up at me, but he remained collected and listened to everything I said without so much as a flinch in his facial expression. I knew Matthew trusted me, but he didn't trust Jace as far as he could throw him. Jace had put Matt in a difficult position by showing up in Chicago. His sudden appearance had left Matt somewhere between the level headed firefighter and insanely jealous husband. I laid there watching him as he slept, his chest rising and falling with the rhythm of his breathing. His arm was still bound to his torso, forcing him to sleep on his back, which he hated. It had been difficult for him to fall asleep at all since he had been hurt, but being forced to lay in an uncomfortable position made it worse. He had particularly more difficulty over the last few days, which I suspected was a direct result of my telling him I had spent an afternoon with Jace Walker.

He wasn't exactly jumping for joy when I told him that I would be seeing him again and that we had a lot more to discuss. He had been quiet all through dinner that night, giving me only brief responses to anything I said. Sometimes, he'd answer with a short grunt or a nod of his head. It was beyond frustrating, but I did my best to put myself in his place. If Gabby Dawson suddenly appeared and wanted to see Matt, I would definitely have a problem with that. I didn't want that woman within one hundred miles of my husband. She was a conniving, scheming little bitch that had no respect for me as Matt's wife. Her jealousy over our marriage was palpable and she did nothing to conceal it. I was never more happy than the day Dawson left for Puerto Rico. Jace, on the other hand, hadn't appeared that way. I seriously doubted that he had any ulterior motives. He wanted closure and nothing more. We'd had a civil conversation for nearly three hours and Jace kept himself in check, at least he had right up until he kissed me.

That kiss. That goddamn kiss. It weighed heavily on my mind, despite his claim that he meant nothing by it. He appeared to accept the fact that I was married to another man with much more grace than I'd expected, but that illusion had been shattered the moment his lips touched mine. It wasn't an entirely innocent gesture, either. No man kisses a woman like that unless he means it. I tried to tell myself that it was a one off, a slip of his restraint after so many years spent apart. The last time he saw me, I was his wife. It must have been difficult for him to separate that from his actions. It was an honest mistake. It had to be or there was no way I could ever meet with him again. He had apologized to me for it and reassured me that he wasn't the kind of guy that goes after another man's wife. I had no recourse but to believe him. What I could remember of him didn't lend itself to me thinking he was anything other than honorable. I had stopped him, but if I was being completely honest, my body responded to him. I felt ashamed about that and the fact that I let it go on a second longer than I should have. At first, it felt awkward and strange, but the moment the memory of our wedding appeared in my head, something clicked. It was like kissing a comfortable stranger.

I didn't tell Matt about the kiss. He already believed that Jace was here to take me away from him and revealing that he had kissed me like we were still lovers would have sent Matt off the deep end. I also didn't tell him that I was beginning to remember bits and pieces about my life in Texas. That would certainly have hurt him. Knowing that I had been married to Jace had been hard on Matt. What made it easier for him was knowing that I had limited memories of that time. It was as if he were relieved that I wasn't able to compare our life now to the one I'd had with Jace. He already knew that he was a better husband than Stephen had been. That was no contest. It wasn't too difficult to be better than a lying, philandering bastard that had ties to the mob. Matt stood head and shoulders above Stephen Gage, but he was insecure about where he stood in comparison to Jackson Walker. The saddest thing was that I couldn't help him with that part either.

"Are you okay, baby? You've been tossing and turning for a while now." Matt's soft voice suddenly broke into my thoughts.

"I'm sorry, Matt. Did I wake you?" I asked.

"Ever since Finn was born, I sleep a little lighter than I used to. This damn contraption they've got me wrapped up in doesn't help either," he said.

"My poor baby. Try to go back to sleep if you can. I can sleep in Finn's room if you think it would help," I said, stroking his cheek with my fingers.

"You're not going anywhere, Mrs. Casey. You're gonna stay right here with me," he said, kissing me on the nose.

"'I'm gonna be useless at work today. I can feel it coming," I said.

"You're the boss, Maddy. Call off. Em can cover things for you today," he said.

"I don't know, Matt...I just went back and I've already had a week off," I said, hesitantly.

"Maddy, come on. After my doctor's appointment, we can take Finn to the beach and have a picnic. It's been ages since we spent some quality time together as a family. Let's take advantage of my time off," he said.

"Are you sure you're up to it?"

"Baby, I'm fine. I promise."

"OK, I'll call Em in the morning and let her know. Do you need anything for pain? I could you get one of your pills," I said, pulling back the covers. Matt grabbed my hand and pulled the comforter back down over me.

"All I need is you, Maddy. Come here," he said. I scrunched up as close as I could without pushing against his ribs. I pressed my face into the base of his neck and placed a few soft kisses there. He tilted his head down towards me, meeting his lips with mine. I held onto the side of his face, feeling the muscles in his jaw move as we kissed. His mouth seemed hungry for mine, almost like he had an urgent need to taste me. This was his way of reminding me that I belonged to him and him alone. Jace's sudden appearance had made him even more vulnerable than I had suspected. In truth, it had made me just as vulnerable, but now, as my husband kissed me passionately, the memory of the kiss that Jace and I had shared faded away.