CHAPTER 16

Matt picked up the picture of Maddy and Finn that adorned the desk in his office and stared at it woefully. As much as he loved being back on active duty, he missed being home with them. The city allowed for very little furlough, one of the few drawbacks of working for the CFD, so he came to treasure those few weeks that he was able to be home, even if it was while he was recuperating from his injuries. He felt in top physical shape, but emotionally he was struggling. Jackson Walker's presence in Chicago and his history with Maddy was making him crazy. He tried like hell not to show it, but every time Walker showed his face, Matt was confronted with all of his fears. He was terrified that Maddy would start to remember her life in Texas. Even worse, he was scared that she would prefer the life she had with Walker over the one she has now.

He had been secure in his and Maddy's relationship until these last few weeks. Learning that Maddy had been married just after she graduated college was difficult enough, but finding out that her first husband was still alive had been a nightmare. He had no control over the circumstances that had separated them after high school and if Matt had been given another chance, he would have done everything he could have to reconnect with her. But the state of Illinois had different plans for him after his mother went to jail for the shooting death of his father. His entire life had been turned upside down at that time, but he was a minor and had been powerless to stop it. Matt regretted not getting in touch with her once he turned twenty-one. He realized now that if he had, he might have been able to find her before Jackson Walker did.

"Hey, it's time for morning briefing, Casey. You coming?" said Kelly, startling Matt out of his trance. He was standing in the door frame of Matt's office with hands braced on either side of it.

"Yeah, I'll be right there," answered Matt, putting the picture back in its rightful place on his desk.

"You okay, brother?" asked Kelly.

'Yeah, I'm good," said Matt, lying through his teeth.

"Not trying to be nosy, but are things with you and Mads okay?"

"Yeah, yeah it's fine," stammered Matt, getting up from his desk and pushing in his chair.

"Why do I get the distinct feeling you're full of shit? Come on, Matt. I thought you trusted me more than that by now," said Kelly.

"I'm struggling with all of this, okay? I'm not proud of it. Ever since Jackson Walker came to Chicago, it's like my whole world has been flipped upside down," said Matt, raising his voice. Kelley stepped into Matt's office and closed the door.

"What's got you so upset about this, Casey? It's not like you to get this rattled. You're the most level headed son of a bitch I know," said Kelly. "It got you those Captain's bugles."

"Finding out that Maddy was married just out of college and that she had a child was hard for me to hear. The only thing that softened the blow of that news was that Maddy had little memory of that time. The little I knew about Walker, I still felt like I could never compete with him. Don't think less of me for saying this, but I was relieved that he was dead," said Matt.

"No one would think less of you for that, Casey. You're human. You're a man, for Christ's sake."

"Finding out he was alive was a nightmare, if I'm being honest. To complicate things, he shows up here in Chicago and he ends up being this imposing, mountain of a man. I've never felt less secure in my marriage than I do right now," said Matt.

"But Maddy hasn't given you a reason to feel that way, has she?" asked Kelly. Matt

shook his head.

"No, not at all. She's been more calm and level headed than I've been. She wants to help him fill in the gaps of the things he's missed over the past fifteen years," said Matt.

"That's understandable. Her capacity for helping people is what she does for a living, bro," said Kelly.

"Yeah, I know and I love her for that, but the problem is that I'm afraid that Walker will help fill in the gaps in Maddy's memory," said Matt.

"What's wrong with that?" asked Kelly.

"He came into her life right after I left it, Kelly. She was in love with him. He gave her all the things that I should have. When she was told he was dead, she attempted suicide. She spent months in a mental hospital having the memory of him and their marriage burned out of her head. If she starts to remember things about their life together…" said Matt, suddenly breaking off.

"So what if she does? What's the worst that could happen?"

"He made her forget me once. He could do it again and she may want to be with him instead of me," said Matt.

"Look, you've known Maddy a lot longer than I have, but even I know that Maddy wouldn't do that. She loves you, for Christ's sake! You're thinking too much about this, Casey," said Kelly, sounding exasperated.

"Then why do I feel like I should be thinking a whole lot more about it than I already am?" said Matt.

"You and Maddy belong together. Everyone who knows the two of you can see that," answered Kelly.

"I doubt Walker can see that. I'm sure all he sees is that his wife is married to someone else" said Casey.

"Maybe, but what's most important is what Maddy sees. Come on, we need to get our asses to the briefing," Kelly said, as he put his arm around Matt's shoulders and walked him out of his office. He knew he wasn't going to talk Matt out of this one. He'd never seen Matt so uncertain of anything since he'd known him, but Kelly knew Maddy better than Matt realized and he felt certain that what he was scared of would never happen. He didn't know two people who were meant for each other more than Matt and Maddy Casey were. When they got to the day room, both Matt and Kelly stood at the back and waited for Chief Boden to address the house.

Within a few minutes, the Chief strode into the day room, followed by someone who was well known to House 51. Kelly shot a glance over at Matt, who was staring down at the floor. As soon as Chief Boden spoke, he snapped his head upwards, followed closely by a look of utter disbelief. Standing next to the Chief, was Gabby Dawson, former PIC of Ambo 61 and Matt's ex-wife.

"OK, listen up everyone. We've got a special guest in the house today. Many of you already know her, but for those of you who don't, this is Gabriela Dawson. She was the Paramedic in Charge on Ambo here at 61 for five years. For the last two years, she's been in Puerto Rico working as part of a special envoy sent there after Hurricane Maria to help with the rescue efforts. As a result of her work there, the emergency services in Puerto Rico have improved tenfold. She was asked to come back to Chicago to talk to the CFD about some procedural changes that have worked there that may be beneficial here, so please pay close attention. Gabby, the floor is yours," said Boden.

Matt swallowed hard, feeling his stomach begin to churn. Gabby Dawson had put him through hell while they were married and he still carried the battle scars with him, even though it had been years ago. She had chewed him up and spit him out, making a mockery of his manhood, leaving him out of every decision that affected both their lives. She ran the show from day one, but what was worse is that he allowed it. He was still raw from their time together and hadn't fully forgiven her, something he wasn't aware of until now. He watched in silence as his ex-wife commanded the attention of everyone in the room. He wished that Chief Boden had forewarned him that Gabby would be visiting. He would have been more mentally prepared than he felt right now. Between Gabby's unannounced trip back to Chicago and all of the shit that had hit the fan with Jackson Walker's arrival had just about done Matt in. He drew a deep breath in and slowly blew it out. He could hear her voice, but he wasn't listening to a word she said, just like she had done to him when they were married. He swallowed hard again and hoped that their interactions would be kept to a minimum. He wanted her out of his firehouse as soon as she was done, but he wanted nothing more than to have her out of his life for good, right along with Jackson Walker.

When she was finished talking, Matt ducked out of the common room ahead of everyone else and headed back to his quarters. Just as he was unlocking the door to his office, he heard a familiar voice behind him.

"Hey, Matt. Got a minute?" Matt turned around to see Gabby standing just inside the door frame to the sleeping quarters.

"Hi, Gabby. Yeah, I got about a minute. Still have a couple of reports to finish before lunch, but come in," said Matt, opening his office door and motioning for her to go inside, going against his better judgement.

"I just wanted to ask you if you could meet for drinks one night or maybe coffee one morning this week. I'm here until Friday and I'd really like to talk to you," said Gabby, looking at him with her doe eyes and fluttering her long dark lashes at him. Matt drew in a long, deep breath before answering.

"I don't know if that's such a good idea, Gabby. I think we…" said Matt, before being interrupted.

"I have no ulterior motives, Matt, except maybe to apologize to you," she said.

"Apologize for what?" asked Matt, even though he had a good idea why.

"I know it was a while ago now, but I'm still not comfortable with the way we left things," she said.

"Water under the bridge, Gabby," said Matt, trying to appease her and cut the conversation short.

"Look, I know it was my fault. I'm the one that screwed things up between us," she said. Matt was taken aback by her sudden admission. She had walked out on their marriage without so much as a warning. She never even said goodbye. Matt was curious as to why she was making this conciliatory effort now nearly eight years after the fact.

"Really Gabby, it's not necessary. I've come to terms with everything. Amends aren't necessary," said Matt.

"OK, but do me a favor and think about it at least?" Matt nodded that he would, fully intending to do anything but think about it. Maddy would be beside herself if she knew that he was even talking to Gabby. He suddenly wished she would consider that whenever he got upset that she had been talking with Jackson Walker. Before he realized, Gabby had pulled him into a quick hug.

"Good to see you, Matt," she said just before she walked away.

"Wish I could say the same," said Matt, under his breath as she left the sleeping quarters. He picked up the small silver frame again with the picture of his little family. They were everything to him. Gabby was a part of his past, just like Jackson Walker was a part of Maddy's past. He was suddenly overwhelmed by a need to see his wife and son. He pulled his cell phone out of his pants pocket and called Maddy. She answered almost immediately and he thought she sounded like she was laughing.

"Hey, baby," said Matt.

"Matt! Is everything okay?" asked Maddy.

"Yeah, baby...everything is fine. I just needed to hear your voice. What was so funny?" said Matt.

"Oh, nothing, really. Jace is here and we've been going through some photo albums." Matt froze as soon as Maddy finished speaking. That bastard was inside his house with his wife and baby boy.

"Walker is there now?" asked Matt.

"Yes, Matt. I'm trying my best to help him fill in the gaps and he's doing the same for me. I'm learning some interesting things," said Maddy, with a slight giggle to her voice.

"You invited him over?" asked Matt, sounding stern. He heard a muffled sound, like Maddy was holding the phone against her body. A few seconds went by before she spoke.

"Yes, Matt...I asked him to come for dinner so we could talk more. Is it a problem?" said Maddy.

"On a night that I'm not home, huh Maddy? What the hell is going on?"

"Don't start this crap, Matthew. I mentioned this to you a few nights ago and like everything else lately, you answered me with nothing more than a grunt of acknowledgement. You and I both know that you wouldn't have wanted him here on a night you were off shift. There's nothing more going on than just eating and two old friends having a discussion. Closure, remember?"

"He's more than just an old friend, Maddy," said Matt.

"Maybe at one time he was, but that's what I consider him now. An old friend."

"And what about Walker, Maddy? What does he consider you?" said Matt.

"I'm not doing this now. If you'd still like to act like a giant ass when you get home tomorrow, we can continue this discussion then. Good night, Matt," said Maddy, suddenly ending the call. Matt continued to hold his cell phone up to his ear for several seconds before angrily tossing it on top of his desk.

"Goddammit!" yelled Matt, pressing his thumb and forefinger against his closed eyelids. He stood there in relative silence until Kelly's voice interrupted his quiet rage.

"Everything alright, Casey?" asked Kelly, as he hung inside the doorway. Matt rubbed his eyes and placed his hands on his hips. He kept his head bowed down towards the floor.

"Yes and no," said Matt. He wasn't sure if he was overreacting or if he truly has a reason to be suspicious. He trusted Maddy with his life, but he didn't trust Jackson Walker as far as he could throw him.

"What's up?" asked Kelly.

"Same shit, different day," said Matt.

"Walker?"

"Yep. Let's just say I'll be glad when he finally leaves Chicago so my life can go back to normal," said Matt.

"Along with your male ego," said Kelly. Matt shot him an incredulous look. "Just calling them as I see them, brother." He slapped Matt on the back.

"Yeah, I know. I wish I didn't feel this way, but I can't help it. Once he's gone, maybe I can have my wife back again."

"Maddy hasn't gone anywhere, Casey. She's right here and she still loves you just as much as she did before Walker came to town. You'll see in twelve more hours when you leave here and go home to her, brother," said Kelly. Matt realized that Kelly was right. He and Maddy had gone through hell to be together. They had an unbreakable bond and Matt knew that. He wished his male ego did. He made up his mind then and there to apologize to Maddy the minute he got home tomorrow. He was bound and determined to not let anything else shake him between now and the time Walker finally left town. He owed his wife that much.