A/N: I am unsure about this chapter but here you go.
Burnt Bridges
One week later…..
The day started like any other day for Hanare; a morning coffee from the espresso machine one of her clients kindly gifted her, followed by a healthy Greek yoghurt breakfast bowl, and her morning skincare routine. Yes, everything was going according to her normal routine — well, apart from his presence in her kitchen. As she brushed through the knots in her hair, she couldn't help but eavesdrop on the smallest shuffles Kakashi made as he prepared for the day. Unlike her, his day usually started with a morning jog, followed by a protein shake he had pre-made before going out, and then a hearty porridge meal. While having another person in her apartment was jarring at first, she secretly relished having a company that wasn't looking for an opportunity to creep into her bed. If anything, Kakashi was adamant about sleeping on her couch, insisting that he found it as comfortable as any other bed.
Liar. But he was a cute one, so she allowed it.
No one else besides Kakashi knew this life of hers — even her beloved mentor, Mei, was oblivious to this. Since last week, they have been updating each other when their liaisons would take place so that they could meet up at her apartment afterwards to provide each other with the emotional aftercare they both deeply needed.
As a result, Kakashi has become more affectionate with her, paying heed to her discomfort and her insecurities as if he were her boyfriend. But he wasn't and she knows he will never be hers. His affection was platonic and it stemmed from empathy as opposed to love, and she understood that without contempt.
She saw his silhouette in the mirror and she turned around to face him. He still looked fatigued from the previous night he had with Yui, but he was beginning to hide the emotional scars well. He looked normal — whatever that means — and unlike he had just gambled his self-worth with the devil the previous night.
But something was different about him. Hanare was unable to pinpoint it, but her heart knew that the Kakashi she was looking at now was unlike the Kakashi she comforted last week.
As he took a sip from his protein shake, she eyed the ugly hickey that was prominently scarred into his collarbone. It looked more like a bruise rather than a love bite. Albeit she has never outwardly asked about the nature of their nights together, her prying eyes couldn't help but estimate the brutality of his mater's whims from the anecdotes she seared into his skin. Last night's rendezvous must have been quite harsh on Kakashi, maybe Yui was in a foul mood and needed sexual release at his expense.
Kakashi often hinted that Yui had a penchant for blood and the taste of it. Maybe that's why she loved breaking the surface of his skin; it's discreet enough to be mistaken as a love bite, but it's also brutal enough to draw blood out.
Hanare visibly cringed. Kakashi cocked his eyebrow in response. "What are you thinking about?"
Shit, was she that noticeable? Hanare rubbed the back of her neck before she smiled, wearily. "Nothing, nothing. I was just thinking how good your body has been looking these days; Mei's gym workout for you is working out well."
Kakashi looked down on his upper torso. "You think?" he asked, flexing his arms a bit. "I think the protein shakes are helping me bulk up. Do you think I look good?"
Hanare blushed. Did she think he looked good? Was the sky blue? Of course, it was! And of course, he was. Her mind rambled aimlessly but she outwardly kept her poise. "You're not too shabby, definitely good enough for today's photoshoot!"
Kakashi frowned and scrutinised his form in her mirror. "I hope Mei-san thinks this is okay."
She playfully smacked him on his stomach to wave him out of her room. "Even if she thought you didn't look okay, you'll still steal the room, Kakashi. Now, please, let me get ready. I don't want us to be late for this shoot because it's for YSL – and I have been dying to work with them again."
YSL. He still couldn't believe that they booked him over more experienced models who had a richer portfolio. Many models chalked it down to favouritism since Mei was unabashed about parading him and Hanare about as her "golden eggs", but Mei swears that she didn't push the envelope when they chose their models. They simply liked his style, she reassured him.
But her reassurance did little to calm his nerves. This could launch his modelling career if this went well. He didn't know if he was ready for that sort of attention after the controversy he received in school. He shook his head. Whether he was ready or not was irrelevant; what mattered the most was not letting Hanare down.
Kakashi watched her eagerly brush through her hair again, smiling as he picked up on her mumbling each stroke. He placed his hand on her shoulder and leaned down close to her ear. "You're going to be wonderful today, I can already tell."
Hanare pinked again, losing count of her brush strokes. What was wrong with this guy, she groaned. Why does he constantly push her boundaries if he was not interested in taking it any further? Gods, all men are intolerable. "Don't fall behind now," she said simply, feigning composure.
"I'll try," he whispered before he walked to the door.
She was too dazed to remember what she was doing until her hairbrush slipped from her grip. "Oh, crap," she muttered, swiftly picking it up. With a sigh, she resumed brushing her hair but restarted from the count of one.
After the 7-hour long photoshoot, Hanare lounged in the communal space and resumed her online shopping on her phone. With her earnings from today, she knew she could splurge on her dream Chanel bag – their classic handbag in black and white – but she resisted at the thought of her sister. Maybe she could fly her over here instead, and take her out to visit the national aquarium since she has developed a fascination with marine life.
Hanare sighed and laid down flat on the leather couch, exhausted. At the back of her mind, she wished that Kakashi was beside her to entertain her thoughts, but he needed to be with his father right now. She can tell him about her dilemma later tonight …. if he was going to stay over. Why was she seeking his presence? Foolish. Was he also yearning for her as she was for him? Of course not, because he was already taken by somebody else.
Who could have possibly captivated him? What kind of woman had that power to entrance the likes of Kakashi. Who –
Hanare immediately sat up on her seat upon seeing a curvaceous blonde saunter through the communal space in the direction of Mei's office. Spins of golden hair flowed behind the rhythm of her footsteps, leaving nothing but intrigue and infatuation to the bystanders who momentarily caught a glimpse of her presence.
Was she a new model? That was out of the question since Mei always told her about newcomers beforehand. Whoever that woman was, she was a fine beauty. Judging by her coworkers' faces, they thought the same.
She sprang up on her feet and started to Mei's office as well, with curiosity taking the wheel of her direction. But the moment she opened the door, she knew she was invading their meeting. The exact blonde woman was perched on the edge of Mei's desk as she casually conversed with her. Mei was leaning against a window wall, sipping her afternoon coffee. Both women turned in her direction when the door clicked shut.
"I-uhh…." Shit.
"Ah! Perfect timing! Tsunade and I were just talking about you!" Mei exclaimed, putting her coffee to the wayside as she approached her. "Didn't I tell you she was beautiful, Tsunade?"
The blonde – Tsunade – followed Mei's gesture. Hanare felt shy under her gaze, and she felt under-dressed in front of her. The woman's golden eyes flicked with interest, and her full ruby lips curled into a genuine smile. "She is a beauty," she softly agreed after scanning her from head to toe.
When her gaze finally left her, Hanare felt the constricting weight lift from her chest, freeing the ebbing anxiety from her ribs. Quickly, she regained her composure. "I don't think we have met. Are you a new model here?"
Tsunade threw her head up and laughed. Mei on the other hand shook her head. "No, no. She's just an old friend of mine. We're having dinner later tonight and I wanted to show her around. Don't worry my cute little Hanare, she's not going to steal your spot."
But she could. That part of the sentence was left out but Hanare couldn't help but pick up on it, knowing it to be true. Her mentor was an honest woman but she didn't feel the need to brandish the truth when it wasn't necessary, and since Tsunade wasn't a model of any kind, she didn't pose any threat to her. Finally, Hanare's insecurity eased. Or so she thought.
She couldn't help but stare at the blonde woman's body – what a body. Did she have plastic surgery? Would it be too upfront to ask her? Her chest was full, almost pushing at the buttons of her low cut dress, her waist was generously curved, and her hips were wide enough to contrast her slim build on top. She was a walking hourglass. Simply breathtaking.
Hanare must have lingered too long because when she made eyes with Tsunade, it looked as if she had been caught red-handed. Though having lingering stares must be a frequent occurrence for the blonde, because she merely swatted her embarrassment away. "My body is real, Hanare. So forgive me, but I don't have any doctors to refer you to. Although I don't see why you should look for one – your body is perfect the way it is."
Hanare blushed. Being noticed by another beautiful woman truly hit differently, especially when her compliment was genuine and filled with admiration as opposed to raw sexual desire to rip her garments off. "Thank you."
"So, how did your photoshoot go? I hope the makeup artists did not give you a hard time this time." Mei said as she rounded her desk.
Hanare waited until Mei leaned on the edge of her next desk to Tsunade before she replied. "Thankfully, not. This isn't my first gig with YSL and I knew the photographer so it was easy to follow his directions. Kakashi, on the other hand…" She noticed the blonde perk up at the mention of his name, but she ignored it. "... he had a difficult time at first. I mean, this is his first sultry photoshoot. So I couldn't help but laugh."
"That boy…" Mei fondly said, shaking her head. "I heard the photoshoots between you guys turned out more beautifully than Kioshi intended. So, kudos. Whatever you're teaching that kid, keep doing it because he's a fast learner and all he needs is a good teacher."
Hanare couldn't help but smile at her mentor's compliment. She loved getting complimented by her, more than anyone else. "Kakashi is a natural in front of the camera but he just needs a little guidance at times because he's still lacking experience."
Mei took a sip from her cup before she raised her eyebrows in delight. "I'm sure you're offering him enough guidance," she said in a mischievous tone Hanare was aware of. Tsunade must have picked up on it too because she turned to look at the brunette with intrigue.
"Oh, didn't you know?" Mei said to Tsunade, idly brushing her golden hair off her shoulders. Hanare noticed her mentor's intimacy for the blonde and immediately recalled where she had seen Tsunade before – that party. They were kissing on the dancefloor, she was sure of it. She even took a video of it. She'll need to double-check her gallery after this.
"...isn't that right, Hanare?"
She froze, knowing she was caught daydreaming. "I'm sorry, I didn't get that…"
Mei sighed as she hated having to repeat herself. It was almost a pet peeve of hers. "You and Kakashi are often seen together nowadays - being a couple or something of the sort."
"It's not like that, Mei-san!" Hanare shrieked outwardly, partly because she was embarrassed that Mei was openly indulging in her discomfort in front of this beautiful stranger, but also because she knew that Kakashi would not appreciate this type of rumour. "I have been teaching Kakashi how to move in front of the camera before this photoshoot. He was very nervous so we did mock photoshoots. Maybe that's why people have been seeing us together…." It wasn't an entire lie because they did practice together a lot.
"Mhm, and I suppose that mark on your neck is an allergy bite, not a hickey."
Hanare gasped, immediately covering her neck. She thought that the coverage of her makeup would hold up into the late afternoon. Evidently, not. "I…" Who should she say it was from? She has always told Mei about her relationships in the past, so refusing to give it out now would be uncharacteristic for her to do. Her mind frazzled and she completely lost control, driving straight into the hedge and into the unknown. "It's not official yet…." she whispered. The lie tasted bitter on her tongue because she knew Kakashi's touch would not feel as vile as this hickey from that old man.
Mei's eyes shone brightly and she clapped her hands together. "Ah!"
Tsunade didn't show any reaction. Of course. Why would she? She didn't even know who they were talking about.
But then Tsunade shifted off the desk. "I'll let you two continue gossiping. I need to go to the little girl's room." After shimmying her ribbed knitted bodycon dress back down, she swiped the remaining locks of hair off her shoulder, and started to the door. As she narrowly passed Hanare, they exchanged quick smiles. Tsunade was a couple of inches shorter than her, Hanare realised as her eyes stared down on her. She tried her best not to ogle at Tsunade's breasts but her eyes were no better than a man's, and again, Tsunade caught her red-handed.
After she left, Mei patted the desk. "Sit," she instructed.
Hanare did as she was told and waited for her mentor to start pestering her for details.
"So, things are finally blossoming with Kakashi, huh?"
"I wouldn't say that. We have been seeing each other here and there but it's for professional reasons! I have been teaching Kakashi how to pose and walk better."
"Mhm, and so tell me the story which led to this very aggressive hickey on your neck."
A businessman in his fifties, married – as most of them are – and with a dominance kink. He bit into her neck and suckled at her skin until she was red and bruised. Thankfully, he did not have a mean streak in his bones to strike her for his satisfaction. Still, she was left with a bruise she had to nurse for hours with a bag of frozen peas.
"It just… happened," she swiftly lied. "It felt right. But we haven't discussed it since then." Quickly, she grabbed hold of Mei's hands and eagerly leaned forward. "Please, Mei-san, don't let Kakashi know that you know about us. I don't want to freak him out because he's finally opening up to me."
The brunette took her actions seriously and nodded. "Of course. I will never bring it up," she promised.
Her word alone was enough to ease the worry in Hanare's chest, but it also amplified the feeling of guilt she had ebbing at the bottom of her heart. Hanare didn't want to lie to her mentor, to her only family in the city, but she knew that if Mei were to find out the truth she would not let this issue go. She fiercely loved all of her models and she would go to extreme lengths to ensure their safety. Hanare never truly understood why and how Mei was able to act so selflessly for people she didn't owe anything to, but it was one of the things she loved most about her mentor.
"So, who was that woman?" Hanare asked, turning the tides on Mei.
"As I said, an old friend. We used to model a few years ago but she decided to drop out after paying the majority of her tuition after graduation. She's not like us, she doesn't love the act of modelling enough to stay."
"But she's such a beauty. I wish I was her." Her facial structure and her body were to die for.
"Oh, don't let her good looks fool you, Hanare. It's both a blessing and a curse to look like her."
Hanare picked up on the twinkle in her mentor's eyes, and the faint smile on her lips as she recalled Tsunade in her mind. Eager to have an answer to her burning question, Hanare inquisitively asked, "Do you love her, Mei-san?"
Emerald eyes flitted to meet her chestnut pair before she looked away. With a soft chuckle, she leaned her cheek on her palm. "Is it that obvious?" she whispered before sighing. "I wish it were the conventional type of love where I love her enough to make her mine and I hers. But it's nothing like that. I love her beyond rational means, Hanare. It's not a common type of love that I can explain without delving into our past."
Hanare pressed her finger against her lips as she hummed. "Platonic soulmates?" she proposed.
Mei considered the term, but her memories with Tsunade were tainted by the night they spent together with Kaora and his friend. While they technically never fucked, she remembered crossing the line several times. She remembered how Tsunade's lips felt against hers while Tsunade rode Kaora. She remembered truly believing that the moment Tsunade lost herself on top of him - in her most unbridled form - she was the most beautiful woman in the world. That thought was enough to compel her to grab the blonde by her chin to kiss her, to run her hands on her taut stomach, to tease her breasts with her hands and then her eager mouth. Tsunade responded with hunger, kissed her with irrefutable desire, and allowed her to touch her in ways she normally wouldn't allow her.
Would they still be considered platonic after that? While Mei had no desire to initiate in anything more than what they had now, she couldn't help but think that the purity of their relationship was ruined by her impulsiveness to possess Tsunade's beauty for herself, to witness her poison on men for herself. And, boy, was Mei enchanted that night.
But they never really talked about that night afterwards. She teased Tsunade about it, but that was typical for her to do. She never truly asked Tsunade about her feelings at that time, or if she even had any.
"Platonic soulmates are too bland and common," Mei finally decided, "we're something more. And no matter what happens, we'll always be something more to each other."
Just not enough to be each other's halves.
Tsunade retrieved a bottle of water from the fridge and sat herself down on a plush couch as she took a breather. That Hanare girl was stunning, even more so in real life, truly a model in every sense. Even though she told herself it was not her business to care, she couldn't help but feel disappointed in Kakashi. On countless occasions, he revealed how dear Shizune meant to him, but that didn't seem to matter anymore. Why was she acting surprised? Every womaniser she has come across operated this way; they would make the girl feel special at first, as if they were the only girl meant for them, before they find another girl more suited for their lifestyle. No doubt, Kakashi was on his way to becoming a celebrity, so it made sense that he upgraded to someone on his level.
But still, the dull sensation of disappointment continued to fester. Because she now knew that if he wasn't genuine about his feelings for Shizune, there was a good probability that he was also ingenuine with her during the times they were alone. The times they held each other. She truly played into the charms of the most popular boy in highschool. Oh, how stupid.
She took another sip of water before she looked ahead. A small group of men were looking her way, while pretending to be discreet at the same time. They weren't all that bad to look at, but she knew she shouldn't bring her business into Mei's territory. That would be unkind. But it would also be inappropriate to ignore them, so she gave them a little smile and a wave. As expected, they swooned.
Men.
Her phone vibrated on her lap.
Minato: I still can't get last night out of my head. I need to see you again tonight. I'll pick you up after your dinner with Mei.
Tsunade enjoyed being wanted, relished in the pleasures of being desired, and she was not ignorant to the fact that Minato was crazy about her. But this text message showed just what he saw her as. She wasn't a victim in this, however, since she also pursued him in her own way; she never told him 'no', nor did she put a stop to his advances. So she didn't have the right to feel offended upon realising that he only saw her as what she suspected he saw her as – a sexpot he could conquer for the night.
Men really are the same. Was Kakashi….? Despite the proximity of their interactions, Kakashi never took the initiative to take advantage of her weakness towards him, or her fondness for his touches.
Would she have stopped him had he made a move?
Before she could answer her own question, her head shot up in alarm of the shadow that loomed over her. One of the guys had broken out from the group and decided to approach her. A lone wolf. He crouched down to her eye level and smirked when their eyes connected. "Are you new here? I'm quite new too. Maybe we could get along together."
His lopsided grin was so comical that Tsunade found it laughable. His blond hair was parted in the middle and his bangs partially covered his sharp dark eyes, but she could easily see past him. She leaned forward, arms languidly crossed over her lap, and she tipped his chin back up when his gaze drooped down on her breasts. His confidence dwindled as they locked eyes for the third time.
"If we're going to get along, you will need to learn your manners first."
"Oh?" He chuckled. "Will you teach me?"
"Hmph," she smirked. Mei truly had a type in her models; they were all a spitting image of her personality – charmingly devious. "I don't think you can keep up." She pushed his face away from her and slowly reclined back on the couch to show her disinterest. Her eyes followed him as he stood up with his pride wounded.
"The name is Shī, by the way." He said nonetheless, recovering quickly from her rejection. "If you need any help with how to work the camera, I'm your guy. I might be new but I have experience, so I'm very reliable in many ways."
Shī was on the cusp of saying something more but he was interrupted by a stern hand on his shoulder. "What have I told you about hitting on new employees?"
Tsunade's eyes widened at the sight of silver. "Kakashi…"
He glanced at her once and then again as if he had just been whiplashed. "Tsunade."
Shī looked at Kakashi and then at the blonde he was just hitting on before he scowled, "How do you know each other? And how come you know every girl in this company, man?"
"I…" Tsunade's tongue was caught.
"It doesn't matter," Kakashi quickly dismissed the topic and nudged Shī further away from Tsunade. "I recommended you to Mei-san's company because of your looks, not so you can hit on every woman you see in this building. Mei-san is going to kill you if she finds out that you're playing around."
"I wasn't doing anything particularly suspicious," he lightly defended, shrugging. "Isn't that right, Tsunade? Your name is almost as gorgeous as you – I'll remember it, for sure." When turned his head to Kakashi, his eyes twinkled with deviousness as if he had just learned something. After all, an aggravated Kakashi was not a common sight, even if the situation called for it, so something - or, rather, someone - must have triggered his fight or flight response. And Shī couldn't think of anyone but her.
How he wanted to laugh at the younger man's predicament. Even a fool could see the truth if they looked hard enough. "You're too easy to read, Kakashi," he whispered. "I thought I taught you to not wear your heart on your sleeve?"
Kakashi sobered up and immediately released his grip from him.
Shī put his hands up as a sign of defeat and walked back. "But hey, I respect that you're not interested in me. So I'll see you both around," he said out loud for Tsunade to hear.
Tsunade's gaze was transfixed on Kakashi's back as he watched Shī regroup with his colleagues. He was in a black button-up shirt that was neatly tucked into a pair of pair cigarette pants, which were cuffed above his leather loafers. He looked quite…. dapper, especially with his hair pushed back like that. It was certainly a different look to his school uniform.
With a sigh, Kakashi turned around to face her. "I'm sorry about Shī, he has been hitting on nearly every female employee over the past week."
"Charming," she retorted.
"What are you doing here?" he then asked, taking a seat next to her.
As soon as his weight sank into the cushions and their knees scraped past each other, Tsunade noticed how the group of men were discreetly monitoring them, but the focus of their attention was now on Kakashi. They were predicting his next move and, frankly, so was she because the last time they were together he – she stopped herself from recollecting, knowing it only brought trouble.
He leaned away from her slightly and turned to her while he draped his arm on the headrest of the couch. If he wanted to he could put his arm around her, but he didn't and she did not know why she was disappointed by that. It was as if she had subconsciously anticipated his touch.
"Mei and I have reservations later on today, so I decided to accompany her here." She said simply, smoothly gathering her composure.
"Don't you have papers to mark?" Kakashi lightly joked.
She rolled her eyes. "Haha. Don't think you're off the hook with your own assignments just because you're suspended from school. Don't forget, you still have to collect this week's folder."
"I haven't forgotten," he replied quickly.
"Sure…" she said sceptically, crossing her arms under her cleavage. She would have also forgotten her obligations in school if she had this lavish routine of modelling.
"How can I when I have looked forward to seeing you again since last week?" he said in earnest, unmoving.
What? Tsunade's cheeks and ears became tinted in a rosy colour. Throughout the entire day, she has been spoiled and lavished with every compliment and pick-up line under the sun, but they didn't move her. So why - did she really need to go down this road again? She half-expected him to eat his words like he always did, but he didn't withdraw his sentiment, his affection.
Oh, Kakashi, don't play this game.
Just as she felt her descent, she caught herself when she saw the hickey prominently on Kakashi's collarbone. It looked hideous, violent. Did that Hanare-girl do that? She didn't think she had it in her. Irrespective of whether she could inflict such trauma on Kakashi's skin, it was all Tsunade needed to see to snap back into reality. She shifted away from him and pretended to straighten out her dress in the process.
Kakashi lifted his head slightly off the couch and gazed at her with worry. He was analysing her again, but she was no longer in his reach for him to touch her. He sat up, expression sober from before, and he looked apologetic. She didn't want to hear it because she was already familiar with the pattern of his behaviour: he would cross the line, test her boundaries, and profusely apologise as if he didn't intend it. But they fully knew that it was a load of bullshit. He knew what he was doing back then, so did she, and they both accepted it because they liked it. Kakashi has a penchant for touching her, letting his fingers aimlessly trail over her body without overtly crossing her boundaries, and she was an idiot for relishing it, for expecting it.
Tsunade realised that now. They were pretending to be ignorant fools because it was the only way they could play in this masquerade of false truths for as long as they have.
"Do you wanna go elsewhere?" Kakashi asked. "Away from them."
Tsunade followed Kakashi's direction and saw the same group of men side-eyeing them with great interest as if their drama was their guilty pleasure. With a small nod, she stood up. "Let's."
Should they? Can they afford to be alone right now?
They took a floor up to an open floor space, which was meant for photoshoots. Their footsteps echoed throughout the barren room, and Kakashi positioned himself in front of the middle window panel. She curiously followed him and looked through the window, seeing the city below her.
"Don't you think it's crazy to think that everyone down there is a living person? Every room in that hotel adjacent to us has a story to tell - a love affair, a solitary life, a love story, a tragedy. So many stories to tell." Kakashi quietly said before he softly placed his hand on her waist to pull her closer to him. "You see that building over there?" he asked, using his finger as her line of sight. "Hanare and I think a couple lives there, but then the woman had an affair. So now, we only see the guy living there."
"Jesus, you're stalking them?"
He laughed. "I wouldn't put it like that. Hanare and I have been doing a lot of practice shots here lately, and we couldn't help but notice this couple openly showing parts of their relationships to their surrounding neighbours."
"You and Hanare, huh…." she whispered.
"Hm?"
"Nothing," she said, smiling. "I have never had the time to take in my surrounding before. So accounting for the stories behind each window has never dawned on me until now. It's quite mind-numbing to know that several stories are being told behind each window we're looking at right now."
"Right?" he quietly agreed.
What story would they be writing right now? she thought.
Tsunade bit her lower lip as she concentrated the warmth of his palm pressing against the bone of her hip, wondering if he was aware that if his fingers were to brush along the thin fabric of her dress, he would be able to feel the hem of her underwear. Of course he wouldn't! Gods, what the fuck is she thinking.
"Why did you bring me up here?" she asked, no longer wanting to beat around the bush. "Did you just want to be alone with me again?"
He pulled away from her and leaned against the brick wall next to the window. "I didn't like them staring at you like that."
"Like what?"
"Like…." He paused then huffed. "Do you really not know, or do you just want me to say it?"
The latter. Because if he were to outwardly acknowledge the fact then she would be able to add reason to his actions. But she didn't know if she was ready to hear it if that was the case. She wouldn't know what to do if Kakashi did look at her like that, because he had Hanare and the glaring fact that there was a power imbalance between them.
"I don't know."
"You were a model once, the subject of interest, you must know just how beautiful you are…." he said in earnest, taking a step towards her. "That's why so many people gravitate towards you. I don't blame them but…."
She should stop him from saying more.
"... I don't like seeing it."
Tsunade looked down on the floor to look away from him. "I see…."
"Why did you come up with me?" he then asked.
"I enjoy your company," she said in earnest, eyes flitting up to meet his, momentarily.
Kakashi broke their connection first as he redirected his attention back to the outside world. If people were watching them right now, what would they be thinking? Would they think that they're colleagues, friends…. lovers, even? What did their relationship look like for the people looking from the outside in, Tsunade wondered.
He nodded. "I see…."
They were no longer looking at each other at this point. Guilt prevented them. They shouldn't be prodding at this grey area with a stick because it was provoking the unknown that they were not ready for. They may yearn to know the unknown but that didn't mean that it was wise to do so. They were acting like children who were in dire need to be pacified by the glaring reality of where they stood.
"Do you want to try posing for the camera again?" Kakashi then asked, pushing himself off the wall. "I'm better behind the camera than in front of it, to be honest."
She smiled, appreciating his attempt to break the ice. "I haven't had my photo taken by someone in a long time. Why not."
Kakashi adjusted the camera on the tripod and turned the lights on around her as she took a seat on the stool. He brought the camera closer to her and levelled it with her face. "I think headshots would be great."
"B-But I haven't refined my makeup!"
"It's fine, you're still beautiful," he said in passing as he continued to fiddle with the settings of the camera. Did he not realise what he had just said? Where was his bashful personality? He was no longer apologising…..
Kakashi looked up at her and she perked up to meet his gaze. He nudged the camera up to indicate that he was ready and she positioned herself on the stool to prepare herself. She remembered the directions she was given from her previous photoshoots and acted on instinct. Each flash, each click, and each encouragement Kakashi gave, enveloped her in her past. A part of her yearned to be in front of the camera again, but she knew that the desire was juvenile. She left the industry for a reason.
As she posed with her hands complementing her facial expressions, her mind reminisced back when she truly loved the idea of modelling and loved the sight of Dan watching her in the background, smiling proudly. If she didn't blink, her mind almost fooled her that Dan was standing behind the lights, smiling the same. She stopped when he flashed before her eyes again.
Kakashi peered from the camera and looked in the same direction she directed her attention, failing to see what she was seeing. "Tsunade?" he asked with a frown.
"Oh, sorry. I just had a memory… It's nothing."
"Ah. Well, you wanna do a few more? You're quite a natural." He said, already peering into the lens.
As Tsunade got back into position, she couldn't help but feel abashed by his undivided attention pointed at her. She blushed before laughing. "Sorry, sorry," she said, "I can't get back into character because I'm too aware of how hard I'm trying."
"You were doing great, though!" Kakashi tried to encourage.
She covered her face as her embarrassment deepened. "S-Stop taking pictures, Kakashi!"
"Okay, okay!" he said, putting his hand up in the air and off the shutter button. "You were doing great, why did you stop?"
Tsunade sighed as she combed her fingers through her hair, still feeling flushed. "I… I suddenly felt embarrassed."
"Why? Because of me?"
She snorted, smirking. "Don't flatter yourself, Kakashi. I just fell out of character, and it's been such a long time since I posed in front of a camera."
"Mhm," he hummed. "Well, do you want to see some of the pictures I managed to capture before you started blushing?"
Tsunade's pink cheeks reddened into a reddish hue. Kakashi was being cheeky, and she didn't know if she liked him being more open with her.
Nevertheless, Tsunade followed him to the laptop that processed the pictures straight from the camera. She leaned over his shoulder as she looked at the pictures he took of her. While she was confident in her face, she was sure that the quality of the pictures was also due to Kakashi's keen eye. He wasn't wrong when he said he was good at handling the camera.
"I liked this one the most," Kakashi said, clicking on the photo where she started laughing in embarrassment.
"Are you pulling my leg?" she sharply asked. "I look like a mess. I looked more put together in the other pictures."
"Yeah, but that's a front, isn't it? This is you in your natural form…." He skipped to the next picture of her hiding her face away from the camera. "I find you the most attractive like this."
He turned his head slightly to make eye contact with her. She looked down to meet him halfway. They were now millimeters away. Kakashi's eyes flicked from her eyes, down-south, and then back to the computer as if he hadn't just done that. "If you don't like that, then there's –"
Tsunade swallowed. This was driving her insane; the nuances of his character were beginning to grate at her. She needed to know if she was imagining the undertone of his actions, or if her hunch was correct. "Do you realise what you just said?"
"Hm?"
"Kakashi….." She grabbed him by his shoulder and turned him towards her. "Do you realise what you just said?" she asked again, slower this time.
There was the look she was familiar with. "I'm –"
She pressed her fingers against his lips. "Don't apologise if you don't mean it. You shouldn't say you find me attractive," she continued. "At the end of it all, we're still teacher and student. I don't think it's appropriate for you to view me as such… Or at least, outwardly profess it."
"I see…."
She expected more. Her face must have told him that too.
He frowned. "Did you want me to apologise? I thought I shouldn't apologise if I didn't mean it? And I don't want to apologise for finding you attractive because you are – that is an objective truth." He reached up and cupped her face with familiarity. She hated how she instinctively leaned into his affection. "However, I will apologise for acting in ways you didn't like as my teacher."
In ways she didn't like? Was he fucking with her?
"What do you mean?"
"I mean, I will apologise if you can recall a scenario where I overstepped, where I acted in a way you didn't like. Like this." His thumb swept over her cheek as his dominant hand aimlessly brushed along the curve of her waist before it settled just above her rear. He gently pulled her closer until her leg slotted on the cushion of the chair, in the middle of his parted legs. Her hair haphazardly tumbled free over Kakashi's face, golden tresses splayed in a beautiful mess that created a veil around them. Her hands steadied themselves on his broad shoulders as she held herself upright above him.
Kakashi didn't break eye contact, neither did Tsunade. He craned his neck and nudged forward a little. His nose touched hers, and his lips were a breath away from hers. Slowly, he whispered, "Tell me you don't like this - like us - and I'll profusely apologise right now."
Her red manicured nails dug into his shirt, defiant. "Kakashi…"
"The times we touched last week, did you not like it? Did my touches repulse you?"
"No!" she said, almost instinctively as if every cell in her body refuted the idea of being disgusted by his affection. "It's just I don't know what we're doing at this point. Kakashi, we both know where we stand."
"We do," he agreed.
She leaned her forehead against his as she closed her eyes. "So what are we doing?" she softly asked, caressing his neck to feel his pulse beating through his warm flesh. She cradled the beat of his heart in her palm as she absorbed his warmth. She now knew that his composure was a façade, but that didn't stop him from professing his inner thoughts.
Kakashi licked his lips before he spoke. "I don't know. I'm just trying to do what I feel is right and you feel right."
"No, no…." Don't tempt me, please. "Kakashi –"
"Tsunade –"
Her phone buzzed. It was Minato. Kakashi's eyes caught his name along with his message on her phone that was next to the laptop.
Minato: I understand if you want space, but just know that I have not stopped thinking about you, about our kiss. I miss you already.
Tsunade tried to quickly conceal her phone but it was too late; Kakashi had already picked up on the essential details. Her chest felt heavy as she watched him smile softly as he retreated away from her. "You should, uh, get that."
"Ah," she faintly smiled back, "yeah, I should."
She turned to answer Minato's text message but she couldn't help but look over her shoulder as Kakashi stood back up and turned his back to her. "Hey…." she swivelled him back around and delicately placed her hand on his cheek. "Don't look at me like that."
"Like what?"
"With Disappointment? Disgust? Contempt."
Kakashi pocketed his hands as if he was trying to stop himself from reaching out for her. "Mei-san told me that you were going on dinner dates with her and these men I can't remember, so I thought you and Minato-san didn't work out. But now I see you're dating him on top of the other men you're seeing casually."
"Kakashi…."
There it was. Disgust.
"You didn't have to humour me for as long as you did, you know."
"Humour you? Kakashi, I would never –"
He stepped back.
"Oh, Kakashi, please –"
"It's fine. I'm sorry for bothering you all this time, for forcing you to indulge me, Tsunade." He tried to smile to ease her worry but it only pained her to know it wasn't earnest. "After all, I'm just a kid, right? You must have pitied me."
She grabbed a hold of his arm and pulled him closer, "Hear me out, Ka-"
It may not have been his intention but he harshly yanked his arm away from her. "You don't need to do that, Tsunade. It's alright. I know you're engaged with…. other men. I shouldn't have said the things I said…. It's a juvenile thing to do, I know."
Tsunade looked at him with pity. Stop…
"I should go. I'll have Hanare send you the pictures if you'd like." He took several steps back, calculating each move to remove the tendrils that shackled him to her. "And if Shī pesters you again today, let me know."
"That's sweet of you but I can handle him."
"Of course." Kakashi lowered his head slightly as if he was ashamed to have thought that she needed him in the first place. "Well, then I'll see you around, or….. whatever."
He turned to leave but Tsunade pulled him back by his wrist. "Please, let's talk about what just happened. I don't want to part ways like this."
Kakashi looked exasperated. "What is there to talk about?" he asked quietly, lips pressed together as if he were suppressing his emotion. "There's nothing left to say apart from I'm sorry I crossed the lines between us. I didn't intend to make you feel this way. It's been a hard week, and seeing you…."
"Seeing me?" she prodded, hoping he would continue with his sentence.
"Seeing you made me lose my inhibitions," he finished.
Tsunade bit her lower lip as she dipped her head. Me too.
"I hope you don't hate me…." he whispered.
"W-What? Kakashi, of course not." She grabbed hold of his hand and pulled him close. "I could never hate you."
Kakashi looked at her wordlessly as if he debated whether or not he should believe her. He blinked and looked away from her – were those tears? With a small sniffle, he chuckled. "R-Right. Of course. It was a stupid thing to say."
He was starting to concern her. "Kakashi, what is going on?"
He sighed and then groaned in frustration, visibly torn. He rubbed his free hand across the ugly hickey on his skin, fingers lingering as if he was reliving a memory. His pale lips thinned as his eyebrows scrunched together in what Tsunade could vaguely interpret as frustration for himself.
Should she keep prying?
The soft ding from the elevator filled the barren room, making Kakashi jump away from her. Tsunade also stumbled back and followed his line of sight.
"Kakashi, darling! There you are!" Mei happily exclaimed as she sauntered towards him for an impromptu hug."I was looking everywhere for you."
He reluctantly wrapped his arms around her. "Mei-san…"
She pulled away slightly. I just received the photos from the shoot; you were immaculate, very sexy! Well done." She cupped both sides of his face and grinned, proudly. "I told you you could do it!"
"Mei-san, you're embarrassing me…." he mumbled.
The brunette looked at Tsunade and back at him, smirking. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to embarrass you in front of Tsunade."
"Wait, you know her?!" Hanare asked, peeking behind Mei and seeing their flustered expressions.
"Yeah, it's…. complicated," Kakashi huffed. "I don't want to get into the details right now."
Mei then frowned as she shared glimpses between the two. "Wait a minute, what are you two doing up here?"
Kakashi's eyes widened and Tsunade saw his mind turn blank. She needed to act quickly. "I was getting harassed by one of your newcomers - Shī, I think it was. Kakashi allowed me to seek refuge up here, and I asked him to accompany me."
"Shī?" she asked, receiving a nod from the blonde. Mei clicked her tongue. "I really need to have a word with that kid, but that'll have to wait because I don't have time to deal with him right now."
With a smile, she redirected her attention back to Kakashi. "Well, I just wanted to commend you for impressing the photographer, because he really liked having you as his muse. Apparently, this photoshoot is going to be posted on billboards, the mall, in the highstreets – you name it! Aren't you a little bit excited, hm? You're going to be famous!"
Kakashi rubbed the back of his neck. "I… don't really want to be famous."
"Oh, get off your humble horse and acknowledge what this means for your career!" Mei reminded, playfully smacking him on his arm. "Well, anyway, I'll let you guys have the rest of the day off, but spend it wisely, okay?"
Kakashi frowned while Hanare pinked.
Nevertheless, he took this as his cue to leave. He bowed his head. "I will see you later, Mei-san." He then lifted his gaze and found Tsunade's, but he didn't say anything. His silence stung.
"You know what, I want to change my outfit for tonight, Mei," Tsunade said, hoping she can also successfully remove herself from this awkward situation. "I'll see you tonight." She pecked Mei on the cheek before she quickly shuffled away from the scene, nudging past Kakashi, hands skimming. She felt his gaze briefly follow her in her peripheral, but he pocketed his hand away.
"Uh, darling," Mei called after her.
She turned.
"Wrong way."
"Oh."
"Come. I'll accompany you and have my chauffeur drop you off. I was going out to buy an outfit for our little date night tonight, anyways." Mei linked arms with her before she looked back at her beloved underlings. "I'll see you two tomorrow."
Tsunade looked back at them too. Again, Kakashi purposefully avoided eye contact.
Her heart sank into the pit of her stomach. She didn't want to leave him like that. Gods, why were they interrupted? Could she have made him feel better if they had more time? Moreover, why did she have to pin the responsibility on him? Half of the problem was her fault too, and she was no saint in this scenario. Over the past week, her mind has aimlessly thought about him, of his hands, of his lips, of his body. He was the sole reason why she over-saturated herself with male company over the week in the first place. She wanted to forget how he made her feel.
But each time she allowed a man into her bed, the outcome was the same. She yearned. She ached. She craved. She hated herself, despised herself, loathed herself. It was a never-ending cycle of self-deprecation because she thought of him in her most vulnerable moment during her climax. But that wasn't the case with Minato when he kissed her in the movie drive-thru, when he placed her on his lap, when he unbuttoned her blouse, and when he reached under her skirt.
She was able to stay in the present with him, able to appreciate the pleasure he gave her without having to picture him as somebody else to become wet. Had they not recognised a student's car, Tsunade was sure she would have allowed Minato to do anything he wanted with her in his car. She wanted her release, and he was her source.
"Would you think of me as terrible if I told you I wanted to cancel?" Tsunade asked as they walked through the parking lot.
"Why, darling?" Mei asked. "Do you have other plans?"
"Minato just texted me and I…."
"Say less. I totally understand. Although I thought you would be taking it slow with him since you're taking him seriously."
"I thought I was but tonight is technically our third date and…."
"I get it, you're horny."
"It's not that…."
"Then what is this about?"
"I just want to forget, and Minato was able to make me forget during our second date. I just need someone right now." She staggered when Mei pulled her back. "What?"
"You're sounding vulnerable, and I don't like the idea of you throwing yourself at a man when you're like this. Sex is sex, Tsunade. But don't you go mixing it up with different concoctions - you're bound to fuck up your dynamic with Minato. Do you think you can truly forget your problems when you're in the company of someone you barely know?"
"I…."
"Be honest with me, are you sleeping around to forget somebody?" Mei asked as they continued to walk to her car. When the blonde was silent, she continued. "Because Koara's friend told me that he enjoyed sleeping with you until you cried out someone else's name. He couldn't remember the exact name because he was quite drunk but he was sure that you weren't moaning his name."
Tsunade's blood ran cold and for a second she felt her heart stop. "What?"
"Who did you imagine while you initiated sex with him, Tsunade? Listen, it's okay if you're experiencing a relapse episode and are missing Dan again. But you need to stop doing this because it's not easing your attachment to him. If anything, you're solidifying it by actively thinking he's making love with you."
"What do you think I should do?"
"Actually form a bond with Minato? You never know, he might be the next 'Mr. Right' for you. Emotionally invest in him too, Tsunade. Sometimes, an emotional flesh wound can only be healed by somebody else."
Tsunade was quiet but contemplative.
"Besides," Mei started, ducking to get into the passenger side of the car when her chauffeur opened the door for them, "sleeping around isn't your scene, my dear. You clearly desire some stability in your life, and this lifestyle will not satisfy your cravings. It's tasteful during the deed, but it feels rotten in the long run. Be wiser."
Tsunade shifted on the leather seat and fastened her seatbelt. With a small sigh, she leaned her head back and closed her eyes. She remembered Kakashi's dispirited face and wondered if his dejection was because of her, or the product of somebody else's doing. His weary eyes tried to tell her the truth he couldn't outwardly say, but for the second time, she was too slow to pick up on the details. For a moment, he let his mask slip completely, and Tsunade was able to get a glimpse of the shades of grey that reflected his nature. Passion, sorrow, longing, lust, and pain. She had seen the same expression on him the week before when she chased him down the corridor to give him his coat back.
Even back then, he looked like he wanted to confess. But confess what? She desperately wanted to find out despite knowing that she didn't have the right to demand answers.
Oh, gods, her head hurt. Thinking about what had just transpired gave her a searing migraine because her cognition was completely scrambled by the strong emotions tugged by her heartstrings. She was pliable with Kakashi, and he was daring with her. Had he tilted his head slightly higher, he would have sealed the gap between them, but he knowingly teased the distance between them. It was as if he was silently asking for her permission despite knowing that she would not refuse him…. at first.
Wait, what? "At first"?! There shouldn't even be a first! Oh, fuck. She was going to hell, wasn't she?
As much as she wanted to have male company, she knew it would be irresponsible to throw herself under a man when she was thinking about Kakashi. She narrowly missed the consequences the last time, but she was only lucky because Kaora's friend was equally drunk and desperate to make her come. He failed in the latter, though.
If Mei caught wind of the truth, what would she do? Tsunade looked at the brunette who was on her phone. "Hey," she said softly.
"Hm?"
"Can I spend the night with you tonight?"
"Of course, although I thought you wanted to cancel the double date?"
"I do. I just want you. Please. I really need a friend tonight."
Mei turned off her phone and reached out to grab her hand. "Anything you need, darling."
Tsunade gripped her hand in return and whispered, "Thank you," before looking out of the window and up at the apartment buildings they drove past, remembering what Kakashi had told her. What kind of story were they writing for each other? Will it end horribly like the couple in the apartment across the street?
With a huff, she leaned her head against the cool window, closing her eyes in defeat.
"I hope you don't hate me."
How could she ever hate somebody like him?
She recalled how he looked at her. The disgust.
Did he hate her now?