Chapter 56 – What Could Have Been

He blinked his eyes open, only to be met with the sight of a grey durasteel ceiling. His head hurt. Groaning, he lifted one of his hands up to his temple in an effort to ease some of the pain. But instead of the cool touch his fingers were supposed to bring, a strong flash of pain surged through him.

Cody hissed and screwed his eyes shut for a second, breathing through the pain. Something was sticking to the side of his head, his muddled brain supplied him. Most likely a bacta patch.

"Cody?" The voice of one of his brothers reached his ear. Still woozy and increasingly confused, he turned his head to the side and caught sight of Helix standing beside his bed. He tried to speak but his throat was so dry that he could hardly produce more than a croak. Fortunately, Helix produced a cup of water from somewhere and helped Cody sit up a bit before handing him the drink.

"Here, but drink carefully. You have been unconscious for some time," the medic ordered him.

The water was balm to his dry throat and finally Cody was able to speak. "What happened?" he asked in irritation, straining to remember.

His comrade made a face and took the cup from him again to set it aside, before pulling up one of the chairs next to the bed and sitting down. "Do you remember anything?" he asked cautiously, a strange expression on his face.

A feeling of dread settled heavily in his stomach and Cody could only shake his head silently. Helix swallowed hard and momentarily averted his eyes, suddenly looking uncomfortable and nervous. For the first time, Cody noticed the small wound on his head that he was sure his brother had not had before. But what was even stranger was that it was in exactly the same position as the wound on his own head. Something seemed to have slipped from Cody's grasp, but he simply couldn't recall what it obviously might have been.

"We've been set up…," Helix choked out, still avoiding his gaze, "… all the time, we have been nothing more than tools."

Cody did not understand. Did the jedi turn on them? Were they worth nothing after all? Even though so many sacrificed themselves in this war? "You are not making any sense, brother…," he mumbled.

Finally, Helix looked at him. "When they created us… they put chips into our heads," he paused for a second and motioned at the small wound on his head before he continued, "They made us turn against the jedi, Cody…" There were tears in his friend's eyes and the pain they reflected matched Cody's own. "We invaded the temple…," the medic continued hoarsely, "… and then we murdered them. The masters, the knights and padawans… the children."

And with that, some of the memories came flooding back. How he had marched up the steps of the previously peaceful temple, blaster cocked, with the intention to kill. How they stormed the halls, the quarters. How they had shown no one even the slightest hint of mercy. How he had coldly watched them destroy everything of their former friends and comrades, taking away memories and homes. The black columns of smoke over the city had been visible even after they had left the planet on the Negotiator.

Cody felt sick. The Chancellor had proclaimed himself Emperor, had brought down the Republic, and had declared the Jedi the enemy. All the while, they had been under the control of a Sith Lord. He remembered now. The order to move out to Alderaan had come as a surprise, but of course no one had dared to question it.

Good soldiers follow orders.

The Emperor himself had led the mission, together with his new disciple. Vader, no - General Skywalker. Cody couldn't make sense of what had happened. The sick, yellow eyes of the general had burned an image into his head that he would not soon forget. Skywalker had always been unpredictable, but that he would turn against the Jedi - and against his own master - no one had believed that. Especially not after the two had obviously gotten along better after Kenobi had awakened from his coma. His stomach twisted again at the thought of his own general. When the HoloNews accused him of the attempted murder of Duchess Kryze, Cody had known something was wrong. But there had been no time. One moment he had been staring stunned at the screen in front of him, and the next he had received a transmission from the chancellor, whereupon he had made his way to the temple, controlled like a droid.

He did not know how many lives he had taken. The details were too blurry and Cody didn't know how exactly he wanted to remember. "Why am I here?" he asked instead.

Helix shifted in his seat. "The mission on Alderaan went wrong. Kenobi managed to overpower Skywalker and destroy the chip that way."

The wheels in Cody's head came to an abrupt stop. "His chip? What are you talking about?"

His brother rolled to the side briefly and grabbed a small glass from one of the containers, then placed himself back in front of him. "His chip," he repeated again, holding out the object so that Cody could see it from his position on the bed. It looked like nothing he had ever seen before. The chip had all the electronic parts one would recognize from any other electric device, but somehow - it also looked organic. "The Emperor had lured Skywalker in a trap - and then implanted a chip into his brain."

"You are saying that he was controlled - just like us," Cody concluded dimly.

Helix nodded stiffly. "Yes. The Emperor orchestrated his fall."

The commander turned his head away and stared at the ceiling, processing the information. He had no idea how many brothers he had lost -or how many Jedi he had on his conscience.

"There's no use blaming yourself, Cody," Helix said, seeing the look on his face, "It's not going to change anything except breaking you further. The culprit has been the chancellor... And he's passed on."

This made Cody look at his brother again. "They killed him?"

The Medic looked at him intently. "None of them really wanted to talk about it, but yeah they took that monster out."

"I see." Cody wasn't sure he could be happy about that fact. He might have been freed from the chip, but who would welcome them? They had spread terror throughout the galaxy and many of his brothers unknowingly still did - trapped in programming that turned them into nothing more than droids made of flesh.

"I need to speak with the general," he said after a moment, trying to rise from the bed, but Helix held him back with a hand on his chest.

"Woah, easy there," he urged, "You've been unconscious longer than all the others... for a moment we were worried you wouldn't wake up at all."

I almost died, provided him his addled mind.

"And now I'm awake," he murmured undeterred, "Come on, Helix. I really need to talk to him."

The other sighed and scratched the back of his neck. "Fine… but you will stay here. I am going to comm him and ask if he has time to spare."

With that, the medic stood up and Cody was alone with his thoughts for a moment. He didn't know what to say to his general. Nothing felt right.

But before he could think of anything to say, he heard the door to the medbay open and a familiar voice come through the room.

Cody tensed up and forced himself to take a deep breath. It didn't help him when seconds later Obi-Wan took a seat on the chair Helix had been sitting on before.

"It's good to see you awake, Cody," the man greeted him, a slight smile on his face, even though it did not quite reach his eyes.

Pain had etched itself into his features, and Cody knew the Jedi was trying to hide his troubles behind his stoic facade. He had known that face for years. It was what had kept him and his brothers fighting, even in the most desperate battles. Cody could probably count on the fingers of his hands the number of times the general's mask had slipped. But if it had slipped, they had all known that things were looking dim.

Cody stared into the eyes of his counterpart, having yet to say something. Somehow he could hardly stand to see the General like this. Broken. Robbed of his will to fight. Even though Obi-Wan tried to hide all this from him, Cody read him like an open book. The Jedi didn't know it, but Cody had visited him while he was in a coma. Several times. And each time he had forced himself to leave, it had been harder for him. The shadow of death had moved closer each time, so that it seemed almost oppressive. And yet the man now sat before him. After everything that had happened. After everything Cody had done, the Jedi could still look him in the eye.

His throat constricted painfully. "General."

Something shifted on the Jedi master's face. "You don't need to call me that anymore… just Obi-Wan is fine. As long as you are, comfortable with that, of course."

I am no longer your general. The words hung unspoken between them.

"Of course...Gen- Obi-Wan, sir," Cody replied uncertainly, suddenly wondering why he had insisted on talking to the Jedi. He couldn't do this.

In front of him, Obi-Wan tilted his head concerned, his brow furrowed so that the scarred skin on the side of his head seemed to stretch.

"How are you?" the Jedi asked quietly, with that calm manner that Cody valued so much about him. Somehow it hurt so bad that he forced himself to look away.

It took him a second to gather the courage to look at the jedi again. "I don't know," he admitted coarsely, "I hurt those I swore to protect… and I just don't understand. How all of this happened without anyone of us noticing… How can you even stand to be near of us?"

"I don't judge you for what happened, Cody. Neither of you made that choice willingly. I've already said that to Anakin."

The words brought him little relief, even if Cody knew Obi-Wan was doing his best. "You may see it that way, but what about all the other people we have harmed and still do? How are they ever going to see us as anything but cold-blooded killers again?" he asked quietly.

And with that he found the jedi at a loss of words. Obi-Wan looked at him with a mixture of guilt and infinite sadness that rivaled Cody's own. "I don't know, my friend," Obi-Wan admitted defeated, his shoulders slumping, "… I'm sorry."

It was disheartening that the man who always had a plan ready did not know what to do. Somehow, this extinguished the tiny spark of hope Cody had managed to maintain somewhere. Just like that.

Swallowing hard, Cody turned away again, his eyes fixed on the ceiling. "How do we proceed now?"

He felt Obi-Wan's gaze linger on him. "We're on our way to Coruscant. A group of Jedi are hiding in the lower levels and we hope to help them," the Jedi paused for a moment, "Rex is with them."

"Rex?" Cody knew that his friend had been stationed on Coruscant.

Yes," Obi-Wan spoke further, "Apparently his chip malfunctioned. A friend of mine found him."

Although this was actually good news, he couldn't shake the feeling that something was wrong. That an important detail was still missing. Cody shifted up a little on the bed so he was sitting upright and looked at the Jedi. "Is he... all right?"

Obi-Wan pursed his lips, obviously thinking about finding the right words. "I wasn't told any details...," he finally began, looking Cody in the eye, "...but I know Rex was injured saving Master Windu's life."

The headache that pounded behind his temples made it difficult to follow Obi-Wan's words and Cody felt himself drift himself off to sleep again.

But he could not fall asleep. Not now. "How bad?", he queried, fighting the battle to stay awake.

"He didn't tell me that."

Cody searched his counterpart's blue eyes, unable to determine whether he had just been told a lie or the truth after all. It didn't make any difference, either, because his own eyes were getting heavier and he was losing the battle.

"Cody, perhaps it would be better if you rested a little longer...," Obi-Wan said, standing up slowly, "... I will inform you as soon as we prepare to land on Coruscant."

A hand was placed gently on his shoulder and the Jedi's face blurred again and again.

"Hmm," Cody slurred, "Of c'rse, g'neral."

Obi-Wan squeezing his arm in response was the last thing he noted before his eyes finally drifted shut.

She did not know where she belonged anymore. Although they were united for the first time after what felt like eternity, nothing felt the same as before. As Ahsoka wandered through the long corridors of the Negotiator, with no immediate destination in mind, she kept crossing some of the men of the 212th. They behaved differently, had closed themselves off. Almost as if they were afraid. Ahsoka missed the warmth and cordiality that had otherwise prevailed among the soldiers, and the openness with which they had always met her. Now all this was gone. No one spoke more words than necessary. The atmosphere on board was almost like a funeral. Of course, they were all in mourning. They had lost many. Ahsoka still tried to block out the death of Master Plo and Master Yoda.

Obi-Wan had offered to talk about it, but she couldn't, maybe even didn't want to. Although that might have been the wrong decision. The pain sat deep inside her and it was difficult for her to put on a smile at all. She was given space; she was not forced to do anything. It would still take until they reached Coruscant and even then, she was not sure if she would be part of the mission. Or if she could do it in the first place. Coruscant was the epicenter. They had felt the death of the Jedi across the galaxy and it had nearly brought them to their knees. The city-planet had to be almost suffocating in the Force.

Her path had led her to her own little room she had here on the ship. It wasn't much, but she appreciated it because the room had obviously remained untouched by the Empire. A little hesitantly she entered and let her eyes wander. She didn't have many possessions here, but still her eyes lingered on the small model spaceship on a shelf on the wall. Using the Force, she brought the ship down and let it slide into her hands. Except for the colors, the model exactly represented her Jedi starfighter. She remembered how she had gotten the model from Anakin. It had been a present for her 14th birthday. For a long time it had stood in her room in the temple, until one day she had decided to take the model with her on the Negotiator, in a small attempt to make the otherwise bare walls a little more homely. On the Resolute she had had all kinds of finds and gifts from her missions, here, however, only this small ship. Ahsoka moved over to her bed and sat down, the model still in her hand. This little piece was perhaps all she had left. A memento of better times.

She was still sitting there just like that when her master finally found her. He knocked gently on the door, only to open it shortly thereafter.

"Hey," he said a little hesitantly, stopping in the doorway, "...Can I come in?"

Ahsoka looked at him for a moment and set the model aside. "Sure."

He moved a little stiffly as he settled down next to her on the bed. His ribs must still be causing him pain. Anakin propped his elbows on his legs and picked at one of the metal plates of his prosthesis. Obviously he had been able to reattach it somehow.

"Obi-Wan told me what happened," he started without further ado.

"Then you already know everything there is to know," she replied dismissively, not sure she wanted to have the conversation right now.

"We both know that's not true, Ahsoka," her master replied, unusually calm.

She bit her lips hard and clenched her fingers into a fist. "Maybe I just don't want to talk about it," she growled.

Surprisingly, he pushed no further. Anakin sat up a little and looked at her for the first time. His eyes had lost their glow.

"Would you listen to me if I wanted to talk?"

It was a simple question, but still it caught her off guard. Normally, her master would talk to Obi-Wan or Padme. Not to her.

"Of course," she said, her throat tightening.

Beside her, Anakin visibly relaxed. Did he really think she would reject him?

"I keep asking myself why I let Palpatine influence me like this," he finally murmured.

It was a question she had asked herself many times. She had always found the relationship between her master and the chancellor troubling. But somewhere it all made sense.

"I think you were subconsciously looking for a father figure," she said quietly, studying him closely, "As someone who didn't grow up in the temple and was suddenly separated from their parents, it only makes sense that you were looking for something equivalent."

Anakin clenched his jaw. "I had Obi-Wan."

In response, Ahsoka shook her head. "No, he said himself how hard Master Jinn's death had hit him... He wasn't fit to be a father to you at that time, even if he tried to give his best. Palpatine saw that and welcomed you with open arms."

"I should have been more suspicious."

"You were a child, master."

Anakin huffed and returned her gaze. "It's not like I sought distance from him as I got older. At least then I should have known better."

"No one suspected he was the Sith lord we were looking for either, so why would you expect anything bad from him?", she argued back.

"I don't know," he admitted awfully defeated, which made Ahsoka's heart clench painfully. Neither of them deserved any of this.

For a moment, silence hung between them until Ahsoka decided to say something.

"When Maul brought me to Zygerria...," she swallowed hard as the memories came flooding back, "... I didn't think anyone would come for me."

Her master's eyes grew wide and she sensed his distress in the Force. "... Did you think we would just abandon you?"

Tears came to her eyes. "No... I just didn't think any of you were still alive."

"Oh, Ahsoka…" Gently, Anakin pulled her into an embrace and Ahsoka lowered her head against his shoulder, letting the tears fall. His flesh hand gently rested on the back of her neck. "I'm so sorry," he whispered as he gently pressed his forehead against her head.

They remained in this position for a while until the tears finally subsided. Ahsoka slowly pulled back and wiped the remaining tears from her cheek with the back of her hand.

"Can I ask you something?" she asked, still sniffling.

"You know you don't have to ask that," he replied, smiling slightly.

Ahsoka hummed and grabbed the model from the table next to her again, absently stroking its surface. "What's your plan... when this is all over I mean?"

Anakin looked at her questioningly at first, until he obviously understood what she really meant. "You're wondering what's going to happen to you, aren't you?"

She shrugged. "Maybe."

"Padme, the children and I will probably return to Naboo. I thought you might want to come along."

Of course, nothing else was an option for him. But Ahsoka couldn't blame him for that.

"I don't know if I want to, Master."

"What do you mean?" he asked, visibly hurt.

Her grip around the small starfighter tightened as Ahsoka avoided looking at Anakin. "It's just... I don't know if it's such a good idea. I mean the kids are going to need all your attention, I don't want to be in your way anymore."

"Ahsoka, you have never been and will never be a burden to me. Even though I'm a father now," he tried.

"Maybe..." she sighed, "But it just doesn't feel right... I don't know."

As he rose from his place, Ahsoka's stomach twisted. She didn't want to hurt him.

But instead of leaving, he stopped in front of her. "I'm not going to make you do anything, Ahsoka. And I won't be mad if you don't want to come, either. I understand."

His words loosened the knot that had formed in her heart and she managed to put on a shallow smile. "Thank you."

He smiled back. "Am I right in thinking that you'd like to go with Obi-Wan and Satine instead?"

"That was at least a thought," she conceded sheepishly.

"Then at least you can keep him on his toes in my place," he chuckled mischievously.

That somehow managed to break the ice and banish her dark thoughts from her mind. Ahsoka snorted and shook her head. "You're welcome to keep handling that part. I'm still not over the fact that I actually managed to interrupt the two of them at Master Obi-Wan's wedding proposal."

He blinked at her with wide eyes. "You what?" he spluttered.

"Well, they were kissing and I walked in a little unprepared."

"I can't believe I missed that," he grinned, though the sparkle in his eyes suddenly disappeared again. He'd missed more than that. They both knew that.

Ahsoka gently reached out through their training bond and poked at his shields. After a moment's hesitation, he let her in. It was strange to feel their connection again after all this time. They had been lucky that Sidious had not let them be separated as well.

The bond was brimming with light and they gave each other strength.

"We can do this. Together," Ahsoka offered.

Anakin's thoughts seemed to circle, but eventually he agreed as well. "Yes, together."

Finally got this chapter up :) I've also kind of started doing a workart for this story, but I'm not sure if I'll upload it since I'm not really adept with digital drawing (it's the first time I've tried in years) and well, drawing in general is not easy :D