A/N: Good news, everyone! I thought this site's ban against interactive stories meant that I wouldn't be allowed to read your reviews for fear that they would influence my story, but it turns out they only ban causal interaction. So please go ahead and write your reviews - I'll just use my Bayesian reasoning to a-causally infer what you're going to write and adjust my story based on that, though bear in mind that in accordance with Timeless Decision Theory (TM) you will have to actually write the reviews in order to make your pre-commitment credible. I am not liable for any damage done to multiverse stability that may be incurred if you create a paradox by refusing to write a review that I have already read.

Oh, and speaking of damage done to the multiverse: If you live in the US, please vote against Donald Trump tomorrow. I wouldn't normally bother you with politics like this, but it is rather relevant in this case since I won't be able to continue writing this story if you inadvertently destroy the world.

"As of today, you are all ninja. To get here you faced many trials and hardships, but what comes next will be far more difficult…"

The chūnin delivering the standard-issue academy graduation speech was not anyone Naruto knew, nor cared to know. The last he heard, Iruka-sensei was in the hospital undergoing extensive surgery, and most likely would never be able to walk again. And as for Mizuki-sensei… nobody so much as mentioned him anymore, after he disappeared with the faceless men in the forest. Even Sakura had passed up the opportunity to lecture Naruto when he tried explaining to her what had happened, giving him only a vaguely concerned look before changing the topic. It was as if the man had never even existed.

What Mizuki-sensei had told him back then, about the two rival groups of ninjas in Konoha – traitor or not, it had to have been based on something. He remembered how Iruka had reacted when Naruto questioned the Fourth Hokage's role in defeating the Kyūbi, lashing out almost as if he had been afraid. And then there was that blond man, in the red coat, who worked for the Bear in the Forest… he had been trying to do something with Naruto's mind, he was sure of it. The disjointed thoughts circled around in Naruto's mind, trying to form a clear picture and failing. Something was rotten about the whole affair – like a churning in his stomach that told him he ate something foul, even without knowing what it was.

"As genin, you will be grouped together into three-man teams. Each team will be led by a more experienced chūnin or jōnin, who will take on a combined role as your captain, teacher and mentor during missions. From them you will learn all the vital ninja skills that cannot be taught in any classroom."

Those words instantly shook Naruto from his reverie, and he cursed inwardly: After everything that had happened with Sasuke and Sakura and Hinata and Mizuki and Jiraiya, he only just now realized that one of the most important choices of his life was about to be decided for him. A man whose name he did not know was about to tell Naruto which people he would serve with on a team for who knew how many years. Depending on their character, they might make Naruto happy or miserable, and depending on their skill they might end up saving his life or getting him killed. All he could think was how pointless it all was, that his entire future was about to be decided and he had done absolutely nothing to influence it – he had not even noticed that there was a choice to be made until it was too late.

"I will now announce the squads in numerical order. The following students are part of Team One…"

Naruto looked around the classroom, trying to decide who he would have wanted to put in his team if he could have affected the decision. Kiba, the feral ninja? No, he's strong, but he'd just rush headlong into any fight. Sakura? She's brilliant, but she has no clan to teach her so she's probably the weakest fighter. Shikamaru is smart but he's too lazy, and Hinata-chan is really just too nice to be a ninja. Who else…

"Next up, Team Seven, under Hatake Kakashi: Uzumaki Naruto, Haruno Sakura, and Uchiha Sasuke."

Naruto exploded upwards from his seat. "Uchiha Sasuke? Are you people serious? That bastard nearly killed me just a few months ago, in case you forgot! Why the heck would you put us together?"

The teacher adjusted his glasses, and gave him a contemptuous glare. "Teams are formed based on how their abilities are able to complement each other in the field. Team Eight is intended as a specialist scouting squad, combining Lady Hinata's Byakugan with Inuzuka Kiba's tracking abilities and Aburame Shino's insects. The Ino-Shika-Cho formation has proved throughout the generations to present an exceedingly potent combination of clan abilities. Team Seven on the other hand traditionally consists of the most intelligent and talented ninjas of their generation, in order to create a formidable crisis-response unit that is capable of not only countering hidden threats to the Village as they arise, but also of adapting to new developments in the field and responding on their own initiative as needed. Haruno Sakura is included in this elite team because she has the most impressive academic scores of this year's students by far, while the lord Uchiha has the best grades overall. I can't say for certain why you were included however, as you appear to have forgotten to take the final exam entirely." As he said the last part the class burst into scornful laughter, and Naruto shrank back in his seat, his face burning red.

As the teacher continued reading from his list, Naruto was left clenching his fists in frustrated helplessness. He shot an involuntary glance towards Sasuke. The Uchiha heir sat with his hands folded together under his chin, looking as dispassionate as ever, but when he saw Naruto looking he smirked, which infuriated Naruto even more. No sooner had the class been dismissed and the students started filing out, or Naruto grabbed him by the shirt and rounded on him. "You! I don't know who thought it was a good idea to group us together, but it's obvious you and I are never gonna get along!"

"Naruto!" Sakura cried, scandalized, as she pulled him back by the scruff of his jacket. "What the heck is your problem? Did you forget what happened the last time you two fought?" She turned to Sasuke and bowed slightly. "I'm terribly sorry about this. Please forgive him; he's a little bit simple."

Sasuke brushed her off. "Not at all, he has every right to be angry with me. Naruto, I apologize for beating you into the dirt and making you wet your pants in fear. That was unseemly of me."

"Hah! Sorry, yeah, as if!" Naruto stuck an accusing finger out at his enemy, searching for an amazing comeback that just barely eluded his grasp. "I bet… I bet someone like you isn't even able to feel sorry! You can't feel other people's pain at all, can you?"

"Of course I can sense your pain," Sasuke said, sounding offended. "How else could it amuse me so?"

At this point Sakura had to intervene again, pushing Naruto back before he could try to wipe that insufferable smirk from Sasuke's face. "Enough! We've only just been sorted into this team; we can't be seen fighting already! We've got to at least try and work together."

Naruto had to admit that this was an eminently reasonable point of view, which unfortunately did not make it any less irritating to hear. He shook himself loose. "So who is this Hatake Kakashi guy, anyway?"

"You don't know?" She looked shocked for a fraction of a second, but then started happily talking away. "He's one of the most amazing ninjas in the Leaf! He's famed across the world as Kakashi of the Sharingan eye. He's the son of the White Fang, who was said to be just as strong as the Sannin, and they say that in time he might surpass even them! We're incredibly lucky to have someone like him as a teacher."

-o-

"That is such horseshit."

Naruto found himself in the unpleasant situation of having to agree with Uchiha Sasuke. After getting dragged all the way to the Forest Training Grounds with no explanation offered, he was not in the mood to be led around the bush by this supposed 'genius ninja'. Having grown up with one of the legendary Sannin, Naruto knew full well how the reputations of famous ninja tended to get exaggerated. Still, the way the elite jōnin slouched in the centre of the clearing with both hands in his pockets, he looked like he would rather be anywhere else in the world but here. With his black fatigues and forest-green jacket he might have looked the perfect image of a Konoha shinobi, but the effect was ruined by the ridiculous mess of silver-grey hair that pointed roughly upwards and to his left. His face was almost entirely obscured by his mask and headband, which he had pulled down to cover his left eye, and it might have lent him an air of mystery if not for- seriously, does he style his hair like that on purpose, or what?

"Yeah," said Naruto, "you can't send us back to the Academy if we fail your stupid test! Even if you had the power to do that to me or Sakura, the whole point of this is that we fight in teams of three, and there's no way our precious lord Uchiha would ever get sent back."

Sasuke nodded. "Exactly. And since Naruto here is our number-one expert in passing tests without actually taking them, sending him back to the academy would be completely pointless." This earned him another death glare from Naruto, which the Uchiha heir seemed only too happy to ignore.

Hatake Kakashi threw up his hands in mock surrender. "Well, it seems you guys are too clever to fall for my bluff: You're right, I can't actually send you back to the Academy. Then again, every team still needs a sensei, and all the good ones have been taken by now. Meaning that if I suddenly became unavailable, you just might end up with a second-rate chūnin as your teacher... in which case you might prefer to wait a year to try and change my mind instead. But hey, it's your choice."

Naruto gritted his teeth, and he saw that Sasuke was glowering at their teacher as well. What a bastard…

The silver-haired man extended an arm and revealed what he had been holding in his hand. Dangling from his index finger, a short and fragile piece of string bound two metal bells together. "Your task is to take these from me before noon," he announced, as he deftly bound the bells to the lower rim of his armoured jacket. "Normally I'd tell you that whoever does not have a bell by then will be sent back to the academy, but since you're too clever for that, I'll just say that you'll come to regret it if you don't manage to capture at least one. Oh, and don't hesitate to use your kunai and shuriken. You won't stand a chance unless you come at me with intent to kill."

Sakura spoke up for the first time since their introduction, the words seeming to blurt out of her mouth. "But, that's far too dangerous! I know you're a jōnin, but if there's even just a one in a thousand chance that we'll land a fatal blow, then in a hundred training sessions there's still a significant chance you'll die!"

"Nah, this one's probably just a shadow clone," Naruto pointed out. "He gets all the benefit of a realistic test without any of the danger. That's what all the smart ninja do… or so I'm told."

Their teacher shrugged noncommittally. "Who knows? Anyway, that's about it. Get ready… start!"

Sasuke and Sakura Immediately dashed off in opposite directions, heading for the trees surrounding the training field with no heed to Naruto's calls for them to stop. "No, wait, don't split up!" He groaned loudly. "Great, now I'm gonna have to go look for them first."

Kakashi tilted his head slightly. "You're not going to hide like the others?"

"There's no point in hiding. I mean, you're right there waiting for us to take the bells while we're the ones on a time-limit, and it's not like you couldn't find them if you wanted to." He formed the seals for the Shadow Clone technique and split into three instances of himself. As he and his clone ran after Sakura and Sasuke, he could hear the voice of the clone that remained behind talking to Hatake Kakashi.

"So seriously, what's up with your haircut, anyway?"

-o-

"It's totally impossible," Naruto repeated. It had taken him some time to chase down his team mates, and now it was taking even more time to convince them that ambushing Kakashi was not going to work. "He's an elite jōnin, and we're only genin. If he really has the Sharingan then illusions like the transformation technique are not gonna work either. He could be sleeping and it wouldn't make a difference."

Sakura reluctantly agreed. "I looked up his public records last night, and he's not bluffing: He really did fail the last five teams that took his test. It seems the entrance test for Team Seven is harsher than any of the others." Her voice dropped to a whisper. "And there are rumours going around – they say he's not just an elite jōnin, but a former captain of the Anbu. They call him cold-hearted Kakashi, the friend-killer…"

There was a moment of silence as they took this in. The three of them were huddled together in the forest undergrowth, trying to hide from the person who was purposely trying not to find them – which meant they were either earning points for doing what they were supposed to, or losing points for doing something futile. This is why I hate tests: It's only ever about guessing what the teacher wants from you.

"It could still work if he underestimates us," Sasuke said eventually. "As you said, he could defeat us in an instant if he wanted to, but he's holding back and we can use that against him. As long as we play the part of clueless genin, he will give us an opening out of a misguided sense of fairness, and in that one instant I'll unleash my true power and seize victory."

Naruto eyed him narrowly. "…you're just full of crap, aren't you, Sasuke?"

"Perhaps," said Sasuke. "Or maybe I'm just pretending to be full of crap, but really I know exactly what I'm doing. You'd never know the difference."

"We might be overthinking this," Sakura said, aborting the argument. "If the test is impossible then there's no point in worrying about it, so we should just work together, do our best and hope we can impress the teacher enough to let us pass."

Sasuke sniffed. "I somehow doubt he's the type to award points for trying. But do whatever you want."

"We should pool our resources," Naruto said. "Nothing simple's gonna work against a jōnin, but if we combine our techniques, maybe we can find a way to surprise him. We should empty our pouches too: Kunai, shuriken, explosive tags… if we're gonna stand a chance we need to use everything we've got."

As they worked, the sun steadily climbed higher in the sky.

-o-

When they returned to the clearing they found their teacher reading a book – one of Jiraiya's stupid novels by the looks of it. He was blissfully ignoring the shadow clone Naruto had left behind, who was happily chatting away about the different flavours of ramen available at old man Teuchi's place. When they arrived, the jōnin reluctantly put the book away and addressed them.

"Well, you guys certainly took a while. Are you finally ready?"

In reply, Naruto sent all four of his shadow clones to charge his opponent from different directions. Hatake Kakashi responded by taking his ancestral white chakra sword from his back. With the blade still in its sheath, he swung his weapon in lazy arcs and took each of Naruto's clones out before they could even get close, the merest touch proving sufficient to dispel them. A wave of disorientation washed over Naruto, conflicting memories of being in five different places at once nearly causing him to stumble and fall.

"That's not going to work," Kakashi said mildly.

Naruto made a show of shouting his defiance: "We're not gonna give up just yet!" He formed the seals and split himself into five more parts – which was the most he could currently manage. Meanwhile, Sasuke and Sakura were using the transformation technique to make themselves look like Naruto. Two of his shadow clones had used the transformation technique as well, to appear as his team mates. They all charged at the same time, with only Naruto's transformed clones remaining behind while their real bodies joined in with the attackers.

He's not using the Sharingan yet, and he doesn't wanna risk hurting us… this could work!

The first shadow clones were easily taken apart, but then the sword struck Naruto's real body, and he grasped onto the scabbard while blocking out the pain. Kakashi instantly let go of the weapon, forming a seal to send a shower of sparks in every direction, popping the remaining clones – at which point Sasuke and Sakura dropped their illusions and charged straight through the sparks with knives outstretched. Kakashi drew his sword straight from the scabbard still in Naruto's hands, then flicked it around and gave each of them a smack to the head with the flat of the blade. As they staggered back painfully, their teacher calmly plucked the scabbard from Naruto's hands and sheathed his sword once more.

"Illusions; how clever. I suppose I should use my Sharingan…" his hand slowly reached for his eye patch.

Naruto gritted his teeth and cast his shadow clone technique once more. Five more Shadow clones appeared around him and circled Kakashi. They all threw their shuriken at the same time, a storm of metal from every direction that should have been impossible to dodge, yet the jōnin slipped between half of them like a ghost while parrying the others effortlessly. Then Naruto's clones flared their chakra and leaped over Kakashi, taking caltrops and chains and daggers from their pockets and cloning the items everywhere around him. Kakashi disappeared under a tsunami of metal pressing in on every side.

Now!

Sasuke inhaled deeply and breathed out a blazing ball of fire directly onto the pile of metal, only for the shards to fly off in every direction as a sudden wave of water met the ball of fire with a loud hiss. As the curtain of steam slowly parted, their teacher was revealed standing in the centre, completely unharmed.

"So, is that it? Are you done? Then I suppose it's my turn." The man turned and charged towards Sakura, who panicked and formed the seals for the clone technique. Four mirror images appeared, illusions far more realistic than Naruto could have made them, but even without the Sharingan Kakashi saw straight through it: He kicked the real Sakura right as she raised her arms to block, and she flew backwards towards the treeline, her body colliding with a tree and slumping over – blood trickling from her mouth and with her arm bent at a wrong angle.

Naruto rushed forward without thinking, but his opponent calmly stepped in his path, and he ground to a halt. "Hey," he yelled, "you bastard, what the heck happened to trying not to hurt us?"

"Your subordinates tend to get hurt when you give them the wrong orders, did nobody ever tell you that?" Kakashi regarded Naruto coolly with his one visible eye. "What was that girl doing attacking me in melee along with your clones? It's clear that she has no close combat ability, but you put her in danger regardless because you didn't want her to feel left out."

Naruto cast the shadow clone technique once more, managing to create four more clones. "She's not my subordinate, and that was her decision, not mine!" He slipped each of the clones an explosive tag, and they rushed him all at once, prepared to blow themselves up along with Kakashi. The jōnin formed a seal and body-flickered right in front of him, but then Naruto's view shifted as one of his shadow clones switched positions with him and exploded right in his teacher's face. When the view cleared, only a shattered log remained, Kakashi having cast the body-replacement technique at the same time he did.

"A leader who won't lead is the worst one of all," Kakashi said as he appeared behind Naruto, forming another seal. Without anything having hit him Naruto collapsed onto the ground in spasms, raw agony coursing through his body unlike anything he had felt before. It was as if every muscle in his body contracted at once, with such force that he feared his body would tear itself apart. He dimly heard Kakashi speak. "Do you think this is a game? You children… what exactly do you think you're all training to become? What do you think would happen to you if this were a real battle? If you can't handle at least this much pain, you should stop now and go back home."

"My home is gone," said a voice. The burning agony vanished as Kakashi dodged a volley of thrown shuriken. Naruto took the opportunity to empty his stomach onto the ground, the stench of it making him even more nauseous, but he forced himself to look up regardless.

Kakashi regarded Sasuke calmly. "Ah, let me guess: You were waiting for the others to get out of your way, and now you're going to show me your fabled Uchiha power." When it became clear no reply was forthcoming, he only shrugged. "You know… it's really quite pathetic, the way you cling onto your clan's name as though it still means something. A real clan like the Hyūga draws their power from their connections and family ties. All you have is an afterimage left behind by former greatness, and once that illusion is dispelled you'll have nothing left. But then, you already know that, don't you?"

From his angle, Naruto could see it well: Sasuke's eyes twisted in his sockets and turned crimson. From his mouth shot forth several balls of fire, while at the same time he threw kunai attached to wire strings in the blind spot behind the flames. When Kakashi raised a wall of water, the fire turned to steam, but the projectiles shot right through. The jōnin drew his sword to parry, but Sasuke pulled onto the wire strings and the kunai wrapped around Kakashi, the explosive tags attached to the handles already igniting. There was a sudden blast of lightning that set Kakashi free, but one of the kunai was sent hurling in Sakura's direction, the explosive tag about to go off in her face.

No! Naruto tried to get up, but his body would not move in time. Sasuke rushed towards Sakura but he was too slow. There was a flicker in the air as Kakashi appeared beside her, and then Sakura stabbed him.

Naruto blinked, disoriented. Kakashi was leaping backwards, a knife sticking out of his armoured jacket, while Sasuke moved to where Sakura was. "Tch... All that effort, and you hit him where he's armoured."

"Sorry Sasuke-kun." Sakura was standing up painfully, the blood on her mouth having vanished. "You know I'm no good in close combat. You should have let Naruto do it."

A transformation technique, to make her look more hurt than she was. And a fake explosive tag… did they improvise all of that?

"Hmph. You don't need the Sharingan to see through Naruto's illusions." Sasuke turned and gave him a contemptuous look. "Are you planning to contribute any time soon, or are you going to keep lying there in the dirt?"

"Bastard." Somehow, the anger was enough to convince his body that it was not actually hurt, and he climbed to his feet. The three of them stood side by side, facing down their invincible opponent. "So… how are we gonna beat this guy? Any ideas?"

"There's no need." Hatake Kakashi was smiling, and it was visible even through his mask. "You all pass."

Naruto stared at him, uncomprehending. "What? But we didn't even get a single bell. Then what was the point of all that? Was it just to see if we would work together?"

"No, team work can be taught. What I wanted to see was whether you would make an actual effort." Kakashi started walking to the edge of the training area, motioning for them to follow. "The academy has stopped preparing students for the realities of life as a ninja for a long time, now – but the graduation age for genin has not gone up, and sending them back was a way for me to give them at least one more year to mature a little. The others all treated it like a game… throwing a tantrum at the idea of being sent back to the academy, and then giving up the moment it became clear I wasn't playing around. I thought it would be the same for you, the way you were complaining and showing off how clever you were, but somewhere down the line you actually started taking it seriously." They stopped at a black monolith, which Naruto had seen before but never paid attention to. "Do you know what this is?"

Naruto shook his head, but he could see Sasuke and Sakura's eyes widen in recognition.

"The names of my closest friends are engraved on this memorial stone. Some of them died because they received the wrong orders, and others for no reason at all, but those who died because of me are the ones I regret the most. The day may come when you find yourself facing an enemy you simply cannot beat, and you end up having to weigh the lives of your comrades against the mission. My father took his own life after having to make that choice, and I lost my childhood friends in a similar situation. That's the price you'll pay if you ever find yourself unprepared: Not being sent back to the academy, but death."

Naruto said nothing. He suddenly felt very foolish, and he suspected the others felt much the same.

"As of this moment, you are officially members of Team Seven, just as I was before you. I will do my best to instil in you the teachings that the Academy did not consider important, and if you live long enough to reach the rank of jōnin, I expect you to teach your students the same. For that is the burning Will of Fire that was passed down by the First Hokage, who dreamed of a day when his students would put an end to all the darknessin the world… a will to wisdom that was passed down through the generations: To the legendary Sannin, to my father the White Fang, and to the Fourth Hokage who was my teacher." Kakashi turned away from the black stone to face them. "Do you remember the verse, which is meant to teach you how a ninja should fight? I will have you repeat it, so that you never forget."

The three looked confused for a moment, but then Sasuke started speaking in an almost reverential tone. Sakura followed, and finally Naruto remembered the words as well. They spoke them all in front of the black obelisk like a prayer, as the sun finally reached its summit and began its long descent.

"When does a ninja strike?"

"A ninja waits until the time is right."

"When the enemy sleeps and drops his guard."

"When his weapons lie forgotten in the stillness of the night…"

"That is the moment for a ninja to strike."