Chapter 15- The Power of Madonna:
"Santana!" Sue says pointing to the cheerleader, "What does your bracelet say?"
"W.W.M.D." Santana says.
"What would Madonna do?" Sue says, "Well, the answer to that question is usually date a younger man. So, let's see some arm candy, girls. Sorry, freshmen. You're going to have to start trolling the middle schools. And you know why? Cause if you want to be as riveting a performer as Madonna, a skill that will nab us nationals this year, you're going to have to start thinking like her, acting like her. Also… a la Madonna, I will no longer acknowledge that any of you have last names. Becky Jackson." She points at Becky, "From now on, you're just Becky." Becky claps, "You know, it's like Madonna once said, 'I'm tough, I'm ambitious, and I know what I want. If that makes me a bitch, okay'. I'm pretty sure she stole that line from one Sue Sylvester. No, really, she stole it from me. I said it first. Palladium, 87." The cheerios look between one another, "You're dismissed."
X-X-X-X-X
"Can I ask you guys something private?" Rachel asks the other glee girls.
"Yes, you should move to Israel." Santana says, Quinn has to stifle a laugh.
Rachel pulls a stool in front of the girls, "It's about dating. Not that I'm dating anyone. We all know that Finn and I are no longer an item, and for the sake of the team, I broke up with Jesse. But let just say I was dating someone. Let's just say, hypothetically, we went to a Wiggles concert last Friday night, and then because my dads weren't home, we went to my room and started making out." Mr Schue silently enters and listens in, "It was erotic and romantic. And then he said… 'we should do it'. And then I was nervous, and he said, 'it isn't a big deal'. What if then he got really crabby and left, and didn't even take home the care bear I won him playing ski ball?"
"Please stop talking." Quinn says interrupting Rachel, "You're grossing out my baby."
"I just want to be ready, I know I'm getting older, and these things are going to happen someday, but how do I stop a guy from getting mad at me for saying 'no'?" Rachel asks and Mr Schue looks shocked.
"Just do what I do." Santana says, "Never says no. Like what's the worse that can happen?" There's an awkward silence, "Sorry Quinn."
"Look, girl, don't ask me." Mercedes says, "The last guy I liked was the mayor of gay town. And I can't wait to get a guy mad at me for saying no."
"We just have to accept that guys don't care about our feelings." Tina says, "Like the other day, I was walking with Artie, he told me to change my style, so we'd be a 'better couple'."
"That's got to sting." Rachel says.
"Hey, guys." Mr Schue says, "I'm sorry to interrupt your little sorority, but I couldn't help but overhearing. Are you really having that much boy trouble?"
"You wouldn't understand, Mr Schue." Quinn says, "You're a guy." The others nod.
"Well, then maybe you should talk to someone else about it. Like Miss Pillsbury." Mr Schue suggests.
"I tried that." Rachel says, "She freaked out." The bell rings and the girls get up to leave.
"The fact is that women still earn 70 cents to every dollar that a man does for doing the same job." Quinn says to Mr Schue, "That attitude starts in high school."
X-X-X-X-X
Mr Schue writes Madonna on the white board, "What comes to mind when you see that name?" Mr Schue asks.
"Genius." Rachel says.
"Icon." Kurt says.
"Half of fame, milf." Puck says.
"So, we're all aware of Madonna's musical and cultural significance, which is why this week, your assignment is to come up with a Madonna number." The girls and Kurt all gasp with excitement, while most of the other boys look pissed.
"Uh, Mr Schue?" Puck asks, "As a dude, Madonna makes me kind of uncomfortable."
"Yeah, she's smokin' and everything, but can't some of us do something else?" Finn asks, "Like the guy version of Madonna? Like, you know, Pantera?" the guys, apart from Kurt and Blaine all nod.
"Guys!" Mr Schue says getting the guys attention, "You know, it's come my attention that many of you haven't been treating the young ladies of our group very nicely lately." Tina looks at Artie who looks away, "You're disrespectful, bullying, sexist, and I hate to say it, misogynistic."
"I have no idea what that means." Finn says.
"What it means is, put yourself in their shoes for a change." Mr Schue says, "Culturally, Madonna's legacy transcends her music, because b and large, the subtext of her songs are about being strong, independent and confident, no matter what you sex. But more than anything, Madonna's musical message is about equality. And that is something I think you guys need to work on."
Kurt raises his hand, "Mr Schue, I don't think we can have an honest conversation about Miss Ciccone without acknowledging that her images are as indelible as her songs. I would like to honour her contributions by tackling a multi-media project with Mercedes."
"Great." Mr Schue says, "Go for it, Kurt."
"I'm still not down." Puck says, "And no chick intimidates Puckzilla. I just don't think her music translates to show choir."
"Really?" Rachel asks, "Well I, for one, couldn't disagree more." Rachel stands up and whispers something to the band.
"Come on, girls! Do you believe in love? Cause I got something to say about it, and it does something like this…"
"That's what I'm talking about!" Mr Schue says clapping as the girl's finish. All the boys look uncomfortable, apart from Mr Schue, Kurt and Blaine who are all clapping.
X-X-X-X-X
"Oh, crap!" Santana says shutting her locker.
"What?" Blaine asks.
"I need a younger, inferior man." Santana says, "If I don't find one, coach Sylvester will kick me off the cheerios, for sure."
"Hello? Finn." Blaine says, "His birthdays like three days before yours, and he's super dumb."
"I already tried with Finn, and he hates me." Santana says.
"Trust me, the way to get someone to follow you forever… take their virginity." Blaine says, Santana smirks, "Madonna, like, wrote a song about it." Santana walks off to Finn's locker, Blaine rolls his eyes before walking in the other direction.
"Hey, Finnocence." Santana says leaning on the locker next to Finn's, "You know, I've been thinking, and I think we should go out. Just you and me."
"Will you actually talk to me this time?" Finn asks.
"I don't really talk during." Santana says, Finn looks confused. Santana slams his locker shut, "Look, Finn. It's high time you lost the big V. Everything about you screams virgin. You're a about as sexy as a Cabbage Patch kid. It's exhausting to look at you."
"Well, look, I appreciate the offer, but I have feeling for someone else, and I'm trying to work things out with them. So…"
"Who? Rachel?" Santana asks, "She's dating that Jesse kid from vocal adrenaline."
"No, she's not." Finn says.
"Please, you can smell it on her." Santana says, "She's like a cat in heat. She talked about him yesterday and practically sprayed the choir room. So come on, let's down the deed. It'll be perfect for my image, and Sue will promote me to head cheerleader. It's win-win."
"Wait, what… what do I get out of it?" Finn asks.
"I don't know. You get to have sex and make Rachel jealous." Santana says, "I meant for me, okay? It's a win-win for me." She walks off.
X-X-X-X-X
Quinn enters Puck's house and heads straight upstairs. She goes to open Puck's door, but hears strange noises, sexually noises. She opens the door a crack and quickly moves away from the door, eyes wide.
She waits outside for a few minutes, awkwardly, before she hears someone leave, "So, how long has you been sleeping with Puck?" she asks and Blaine jumps out of his skin, quickly turning to see Quinn.
"I-I, um, I-I-I don't know what you're talking about." Blaine stammers.
"I saw." Quinn says, "You can't lie."
Blaine's face quickly sours, and he drags Quinn into her bedroom, "Me and Santana found out two weeks after it happened."
"Huh?" Quinn asks.
"I immediately noticed, but it took Santana a few weeks too." Blaine continues ignoring Quinn, "She wanted to tell EVERYONE, but I, I told her not to. I made sure no told. Puck fucked it up by telling Mercedes, not me or Santana. So, I dare you to tell anyone!"
"I-"
"I dare you!" Blaine says tearing in his eyes. He sits down on the bed burring his face in his hands.
Quinn sits next to him and rubs his back, "I wasn't going to tell anyone." She says, "I was just wondering what was going on, but I think I know now." Blaine sobs into his hands. Quinn hugs him against her chest and he continues sob.
"Please, don't tell anyone." Blaine pleads through sob, "My dad would kill me."
"I won't I promise." She promises kissing his head, "I promise."
X-X-X-X-X
"I'm going to Kabbalah." Kurt says, "Is that too much?"
"Hey, guys." Mr Schue says approaching Kurt and Mercedes, "How's this week's assignment coming along?"
"Oh, amazing." Mercedes says, "You know how Madonna kind of reinvented the video, right?" Mr Schue nods, "Well, we got Artie and the AV club to help out. We're gonna make a Madonna video of our own."
"It's going to be madge-ical." Kurt says and Mercedes shakes her head, "Madge, you know, Madonna's nickname? Okay, you really got to get up to speed here."
"Schuester!" Sue yells and Mr Schue turns around, "I heard a juicy little rumour that your up with people rejects were doing some Madonna songs. Is that true?"
"Yeah, well, to be honest, Sue, I got inspired watching your cheerios." Mr Schue says.
"Well, I have been waiting years to pay tribute to her, and you are not swooping in at the last minute to snatch her from my talons. Madonna belongs to me, and I will not be copied. It's in my contract." Mercedes and Kurt laugh together, Sue walks up to Mr Schue, "I want you to listen very closely. You can have your Barbra's and your Cher's and your Christian's… and wow, I just lost my train of thought. You have so much margarine in your hair."
"Okay, first of all, my kids are doing Madonna." Mr Schue says, "She's public domain, and there's nothing you can d about it. Secondly, enough with the hair jokes. Oh, by the way, how's the Florence Henderson look working out for you?" Kurt and Mercedes gasp, Mr Schue walks away before turning around, "Oh, maybe you should try a new setting on your flow bee. Oh snap!" Sue walks off shoving students on her way.
Finn walks up to Santana at her locker, "Hey, uh, so that offer of yours, uh, to lose… the big V."
"Mmh." Santana nods.
"I'm in." Finn says.
Santana smiles, "Great, I'll text you the address." She walks off.
X-X-X-X-X
Sue is sitting in her office in silence, there's a knock on the door and Mercedes and Kurt walk in, "Miss Sylvester, we'd like a word." Kurt says.
"We saw how upset you got today." Mercedes says.
"I don't know what you're talking about." Sue says.
"We saw your face after Mr Schuester insulted your hair." Kurt says.
"Close the door and sit down." Sue says, so Mercedes shuts the door and her and Kurt sit down across from Sue, "You know, kids, I grew up with a handi-capable sister. My parents were famous Nazi hunters, so they weren't around a lot. I had to bring her up on my own. I didn't have a lot of time or money to keep up with all the latest looks." Kurt mouths, 'oh my god', "But on my sixth birthday, true blue was released. An album that would later sell over 30 million copies. My sister and I took it upon ourselves to bleach my hair with whatever chemicals we could find around the house. Ammonia, napalm. My hair was so damaged, I've been forced to wear it short ever since. It's been a daily, ongoing pain."
"Wait, that would make you, like, 30." Mercedes says confused.
"29." Sue says, Mercedes looks at Kurt with a confused look, "And here's the truth, I mercilessly pick on Will Schuester's lustrous, wavy hair because I'm jealous. There, I said it."
"I think we can help." Kurt says, "Mercedes is black, I'm gay. We make a culture."
"Go on." Sue says.
"We're working on an exciting new project and would like to use the cheerios." Kurt says.
"And we can help you find a new look." Mercedes says.
"Interesting." Sue says, "I'm in." Kurt and Mercedes smile to each other.
X-X-X-X-X
Rachel enters the dark library and walks through it, before a book falls out the shelf. Rachel picks it up, "Sondheim on music." Rachel gasps, "Jesse, is that you?"
She moves books to see Jesse, "I'm glad you came." Jesse says, "I picked Stephen Sondheim biography section for our clandestine meeting place, because only we would be able to express my melancholia." He pauses, "I feel bad about what happened at your house. Do you still have my care bear?"
"Yes." Rachel says, Jesse sighs in relief, "Since we're meeting in the shadows, there's something I wanted to talk to you about."
"Me first." Jesse says, interrupting Rachel, "I was out of line the other night. You deserve more than that. You deserve romance, no, you deserve epic romance." Jesse walks around the bookshelf to Rachel, "I feel badly that I pressured you into… you know, going all the way. I'm wiling to wait. You tell me when you're ready. And I'll make sure that I'm fastidiously groomed." Jesse cups her face, "What did you want to tell me?"
"I'm ready." Rachel says and the couple hug.
X-X-X-X-X
"Are you ready?" Jesse asks through the bathroom door.
"In a minute." Finn calls to Santana from the bathroom.
Rachel leaves the bathroom and her and Jesse start making out, eventually things get heated and Rachel freaks out, "I-I-I can't." Rachel stutters sitting up.
"What's wrong?" Jesse asks.
"I-I don't know." Rachel says, "I just can't." she runs into the bathroom and locks the door.
"Rachel?" Jesse asks knocking on the door, "Can you come out so we can talk about it?"
"No!" Rachel calls from inside, "Please, leave."
Santana and Finn sit on the bed after doing the deed, "That, um, I don't know."
"It gets boring after a while." Santana says reaching down from the motel menu, "Do you think they have cheeseburgers?"
X-X-X-X-X
Kurt and Mercedes are standing at Kurt's locker, "Our project was a triumph." Kurt says.
"I know." Mercedes says, "I wonder which look she's gonna rock."
"Doesn't matter." Kurt says, "They were all fantastic." They laugh and Kurt looks up the hall.
"Oh, dear." Kurt says when he sees Sue walking down the hall in her normal clothes.
"Miss Sylvester?" Mercedes says.
"Oh, hey, there, Whoopi, Don Knotts." Sue says turning to face the students.
"What happened?" Mercedes asks.
"Well, I'll tell you what." Sue says, "All those costumes and the hairstyles, I'm gonna leave the constant reinvention to Madonna. Know why? Had a revelation. See, kids, Sue Sylvester realized she didn't need to reinvent herself. She needs to reinvent everybody else, starting with you two." Kurt and Mercedes frown in confusion.
X-X-X-X-X
"Okay, guys!" Mr Schue says, "I have an announcement to make. We have a new member joining today. Everybody welcome Jesse St. James."
"What the hell?!" Finn yells, "It seems like now everybody's doing things just to hurt my feelings." Mr Schue rolls his eyes.
"I thought you all would take this news a little better." Jesse says, "I'm a star. You can learn from me."
"We were already fighting for seconds leads." Kurt says, "And now that you've shown up. I've lost all hope at ever getting a solo."
"Yeah, that right." Mercedes says, "And y'all just trot me out at the end of every number so I can wail on the last note. How is that okay?"
"He's a spy, Mr Schue." Santana says, "I would know."
"Whoa, whoa, whoa, guys." Mr Schue says, "I saw all the paperwork, I spoke to his parents-"
"They winter in Bali." Jesse says interrupting Mr Schue, "It's a very expensive phone call."
"Jesse just moved in with his uncle, which is in our school district." Mr Schue says, "It's all above board, guys. He goes to this school now."
"But this isn't fair." Artie says.
"Guys!" Mr Schue says loudly, stopping the kids' arguments, "Everyone who's ever auditioned for this group has gotten in. That's how we do things here. Okay, to suddenly change the rules now, that would be unfair."
"I don't understand why you're doing this." Rachel says to Jesse.
"Because when you love something, you got to go for it." Jesse says, "You would never be with me completely if I were on the opposing team. And I care about you more than winning another national title. So, I left vocal adrenaline. For you." The room falls silent.
"All right, guys, we have got a lot of work to do." Mr Schue says, "Jesse." Mr Schue extended a hand, "Great to have you here." They shake hands, "Welcome abroad. Let's get started."
X-X-X-X-X
"Five, six, seven, eight!"
"Come on, girl. I've been waiting for somebody to pick up my stroll…"
The cheerios perform Madonna's 4 minutes at the assembly and Kurt and Mercedes sing lead as cheerio.
"Sue, what the hell is going on here?" Mr Schue asks Sue when the performance ends.
"Oh, what's the matter, buddy?" Sue asks, "Did you miss the show? You probably had to run to the powder room. Let me fill you in. Future centre square Kurt Hummel there and his brassy hag Mercedes just tore that Madonna song a new one."
"Wait, you two are cheerios now?" Mr Schue asks.
"Yeah, I've decided to add vocals to my already wildly overproduced cheerios numbers." Sue says, "It'll give us the edge at nationals."
"You guys could've at least given me the heads-up." Mr Schue says.
"You mean, the same way you gave us a heads-up before not giving us a solo almost every week?" Mercedes asks.
"Mr Schue, Mercedes and I talked it over, and we love being in glee, but being in the cheerios will give us more opportunities to shine." Kurt says, "So we're doing both." They walk off.
"Ah, chipper up, tiger." Sue says to Mr Schue, "You know, I was down at the pharmacy today, and they're having a monster sale on Dep. Dep is a hair gel. And once again, I am making fun of your incredibly stupid hairdo."
X-X-X-X-X
Mr Schue and the glee boys stand around the piano, sheet music in hand.
"Girls can wear jeans and cut their hair shot." Finn says, "Wear shirts and boots, cause it's okay to be a boy."
"But for a boy to look like a girl is degrading." Artie says, "Cause you think that being a girl is degrading."
"But secretly you'd love to know what it's like, wouldn't you?" Kurt says, "What it feels like for a girl."
"Silky smooth, lips as sweet as candy…"
"I am not down with this." Puck says when the song finishes, "I like being a dude."
"That's because it's easy to be a dude." Finn says.
"Uh, Mr Schue, I think we're gonna need a new baritone, cause Finn would like to become Finnessa." Puck says.
"Wait, hold on, Puck." Mr Schue says, "Finn has a point. I mean, haven't you noticed how low morale has been around here lately?"
"I have." Artie says, "I think the way I was objectifying Tina may have sent her over the edge."
"We've been treating the girls like crap, not caring about their feelings, not listening, objectifying. That's the right word, right, Mr Schue?" Mr Schue nods.
"As an honorary girl, I have to agree." Kurt says, "This team shouldn't work, but it does because we respect each other's talent. And if we want to take it to the next level, we have to start respecting each other as individuals. Really see each other." The group falls silent, "Why were you singing with us, Mr Schue?" Kurt asks.
"Because apparently, I need to learn that lesson." Mr Schue says.
"Fine, but I'm not singing this song." Puck says.
"We don't have to." Finn says, "We just have to make it right with the girls, show them we get how it feels." The guys nod.
X-X-X-X-X
"I would get down on one knee if I could." Artie says to Tina, who is sitting at the piano.
"Why would you propose to me?" Tina asks, "You don't even like me."
"Stop." Artie reaches a hand to Tina take her hand, "That's where you're wrong. I was really rude to you. You're awesome. And you shouldn't change, unless you want to. And if you want to get up on this, just let me know."
Tina smiles, "Yep. That's more like it." She gets up and kisses Artie.
"Hey." Finn says approaching Rachel at her locker.
"If you're gonna criticize and mock me again about Jesse, then you can can it." Rachel says.
"I wanted to apologize." Finn says, "The only reason you were even open to dating Jesse was because I was such an ass. Mr tough guy and all that. I really like you. And I could have you, but I blew it."
"You really liked me?" Rachel asks.
"Okay, Finn." Jesse says wrapping an arm around Rachel, "I know we have a big showdown coming, so let's just decide on the arena. Sing-off, the parking lot, 5, be there."
"No." Rachel whispers in shock.
Finn offers a hand, "Welcome to the new directions." Finn says, "Frankly, I need you. I'm tired of carrying the male vocals all by myself." Jesse shakes the hand, Finn smiles, "I'll do my best to stay away from your girl."
"I appreciate that." Jesse says, "She's a keeper." Jesse playfully punches Rachel's arm.
"Walk with me to the auditorium." Finn says, "I put together a new Madonna number, I'll talk you through it on the way."
"Sweet." Jesse says and him and Finn walk off.
"You okay?" Quinn asks Blaine at his locker.
"Yeah." Blaine says, "I'm fine." He continues to look through his locker.
"You know you can tell the new directions." Quinn says, "They'd support you."
Blaine laughs, "They might, but if I tell anyone and my dad finds out, I'd be disowned." Blaine shuts his locker, "You have no idea how much convincing it took for him to let me be in glee? Weeks. I had to prove Finn, Puck, Mike and Matt were there before I was allowed to stay." Blaine sighs, "I can't tell anyone. And if you tell anyone, I'll destroy you." He walks off.
"Life is a mystery, everyone must stand alone. I hear you call my name, and it feels me home…"
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