6. Memories

My leg is healing, but I can't return home yet, so I call to school and explain what has happened. In the end, I have an extra week of vacation I haven't planned to have. It also means that I won't see my students a bit longer. I miss Taylor, and I'm waiting to hear his story about his Christmas vacation.

The sky is dark and cloudy, and I wake up late. Moreover, it's easier to hide myself in my dreams, endless and heavy, then start thinking. I spend the next few days, relaxing and trying to get rest.

By the end of the week, I can walk without pain, and I use this moment and decide to spend the next day outside. At first, I plan to go to the wood, but when I wake up in the morning, the fog covers everything, and I change plans.

I drive to the town, park my car, and start walking. My new camera, Dad's present, is with me. Time to fix some memories, right?

I have no idea where I'm going until I see the building. I recognize it immediately.

FORKS HIGH SCHOOL

It's a weekend, the school is empty, so I use this moment and enter the parking lot. It's hard to remember the time when it was so quiet and lifeless, and for a second this place looks unfamiliar to me. It feels like all my memories are wrong, and they are nothing but my imagination. This idea feels scary.

I breathe a sigh of relief, noticing the old bench near the trees. It's something I remember, something that proofs that my past is real, and, suddenly, I'm glad to be here again.

I came home.

I get closer and sit down; the empty school's windows look at me indifferently. Old memories wake up inside my head, burning my skin. They're getting more colorful, like a picture on a movie projector. I close my eyes. I start to remember…

… It's my first day at school in Forks, and I'm a little nervous. To my disappointment, I arrive here too early, and I don't know what to do. I've already visited the school administration and signed all necessary papers. I have also examined the school's map and found the way to go to the first class, but there's no sense to go there yet. The school itself looks tiny, and it's hard to imagine that I'm about to study here. Everything doesn't look real.

Students arrive at the parking lot. A few people notice me and examine me from head to toe like I'm a new toy. Everybody knows that Chief Swan's daughter returned to Forks, and I'm afraid that I'll draw too much attention today. I hate it.

Luckily, I notice an empty bench nearby and sit down. I close my eyes, trying to calm down. What if my new classmates don't like me?

I don't notice the moment when somebody asks:

"Hello."

I open my eyes and see a tallboy standing near me, his bronze hair shine with red in the cold morning sun.

"Hi," I say, knowing that my cheeks will start blushing soon. I'm very shy.

It's a strange moment – even surreal, I'd say. The boy looks so beautiful –I've never seen anybody so pretty. It confuses me as– it's hard to realize that he's real. I've never been smitten by the boy before.

He smiles and stretches out his hand.

"Looks like you're new here. I'm Edward Cullen."

His voice sounds like velvet. It's quiet, but deep, like a good melody.

"Bella," still shocked, I hold out my hand too. This is our first touch. Something weird happens; it feels like electricity runs through my veins, my heart start pounding, making me feel alive for the first time in my life. My cheeks turn red. Time slows down and finally stops, letting me drown in his eyes. Edward squeezes my hand softly, and this new overwhelming feeling gets even stronger, connecting our palms like magnets. I don't belong to myself anymore.

"Bella," he murmurs. "Welcome to Forks."

… Time gets back its speed, making me wake up from my thoughts. I'm still here, sitting on the same bench, and my palm is tingling, missing an old touch. I sigh. Cold wind surrounds me from all sides, its embrace almost hurts. It can consume me so easily.

I remember about the camera that I carry with me. What piece of life I should fix first? I get up and make a few steps ahead, then turn and examine an empty bench.

That's where we first talked. It was a life-changing moment for me – I'd never felt anything like before. And I never felt anything similar after. Not even close.

The scenery lucks color now, but it describes my mood perfectly. I fix the camera and take a picture.

The phone buzzes in my head. It's Alice. I sigh.

"Hi! I haven't heard anything from you," she says. "How's your leg?"

"It's fine, thanks. I'm on a walk, actually," I answer evasively. She'll think I'm crazy if I tell her where I'm right now.

"Carlisle said you should get better already," Alice sounds pleased. "I'm still at Forks, and I thought that we could spend some time together, just the two of us. What do you think?"

It's time to restart our friendship, and her idea isn't that bad.

"Sounds great," I say. "Where will we meet?"

"Could you drive to my house first?" Alice says. "My car is broken, and Jasper is away."

I pause. Her suggestion sounds… uncomfortable. I know that Christmas's over, and all the guests, probably, have already left the town, but…

Alice seems to have a vision of what I'm thinking about.

"Everyone is away," she adds. "I'm alone here. We can even stay in the house today if you wish. No one is going to bother us."

I look around. The weather today is cold, and I know that I won't stay outside for too. I still don't like Alice's suggestion, but I don't have other choice.

"Okay. I'll be there," I say at last.

It's weird to drive to the Cullen's house again. I haven't been there for more than two years already. I kept some stuff here because Edward and I used to live in this house some time after the marriage. When we broke up, Dad took all my stuff and drove it to me by himself. I don't remember when exactly it happened – I don't remember much from that time, really. I was too lost to think straight at that time.

The road revives another memory as well. Another first time – my first visit to the Cullen's house. Inside my head, I hear Edward's voice again.

"You look anxious," he notices.

Unlike my truck, his Volvo drives very quietly, and it's strange. I'm already used to my old car.

"I'm anxious", I say, looking out of the window. Edward drives too fast, and everything flashes before my eyes.

"Why?" he touches my hand, wrapping his fingers around mines. It helps; my wild heartbeat slows down.

"I've never been in your house before. And your parents…" I begin to say.

He smiles.

"You have nothing to worry about. The house is empty. It'll be just us."

The house stands in front of me, and I park near the front door. I persuade myself not to worry, but my palms are sweating.

Alice opens the door without waiting for my knock, holding the phone near her ear.

"Sorry," she whispers quietly, stepping aside and letting me in. "It's from work, emergency call. I need some time to fix everything, okay?"

I nod.

"Yes, I'm listening!" Alice returns to her conversation and hurries upstairs, to her room. "Send it by email, right now! We can't let them print it like this!"

Her voice fades on the second floor. I'm standing near the entrance. The past returns.

"Welcome home," he steps ahead, letting me look around. The living room is full of space and light, and, to my surprise, it somehow feels like home. I smile, examining the furniture. Everything decorated in soft pastel colors.

The comfortable pastel-like world is still here. Still looking around, I get to the stairs and start getting up. There are family photos on the wall, and an old wooden cross that Carlisle inherited from his great-great-grandfather.

A new step ahead, then another one – I reach the second floor.

Alice's still talking on the phone, and it's rude to bother her. I freeze near the top step.

I know where I want to go. The room in the far corner attracts my attention. It's like a magnet, and I can't just avoid it. Edward's room. The vault of our past.

The door is closed, leaving so many questions. What if Esme redecorated the room, since Edward doesn't live here? What if she changed everything, trying to please Tanya? What if, unlike me, everyone moved on, and the piece of that life doesn't exist anymore?

There's one way to find it out.

I look around like a thief and turn towards Edward's room. I just can't help it. The house is empty, and I won't bother anybody. I'll just take a look…

I take a deep breath and open the door. What I see inside shocks me.

Nothing has changed, nothing it all; even Edward's old wallpapers are still here. The room's a little messy, just like I remember it, and the memories wake up in my head again. I don't hear Alice's voice anymore, everything vanishes. I go inside.

It's so easy to imagine that nothing happened, and I'm seventeen again. The room is so full of Edward – even his smell is still here. I feel alive again, and I inhale this smell greedily. I remember it, I remember, I…

My head is reeling. I sit on the edge of the bed and touch the blanket's cloth. It also has a memory, I know it, and it remembers everything. It remembers Edward, his body, his sweat - it remembers my body, my sweat. His body on my body, it remembers…

"Bella?"

Edward's voice sounds so real now. I open my eyes and imagine that he's here, that he stands near the door, his cheeks red from the cold. I'm getting crazy right now.

It's something weird about this vision of him. When I usually see Edward in my dreams, he always looks happy, but now he's a little confused. Well, it's something new, I think in the end, relaxing. I examine him from head to toe. His new haircut, his winter coat…

Winter coat.

I freeze. Edward never wore these coats in the past. He's here, right now, watching me sitting here.

I get up quickly, scared and ashamed.

"Hi," I mumble. "Sorry for interfering. I was just waiting for Alice, and, you know…"

I shrug, having no idea what to say. He's caught me here, and I feel like a thief, caught at the crime scene.

"It's okay," Edward says, his voice quiet. He gives me a mild smile. "Don't worry about it."

We both start to examine the room, avoiding looking at each other. Edward's presence confuses me. It wakes up so many new thoughts in my head. I can't think straight.

"How's your leg?" he suddenly asks.

"Good. I've almost recovered."

"That's great."

We pause again.

"Everything looks quite the same," I finally say. This question still bothers me.

Edward's answer is quite simple.

"Yeah. Nobody lives here anymore… and our guest room is much more comfortable for visiting."

Oh. So, he and Tanya didn't stay here. I examine the room again, seeing it in different light. It's a dead place now. Dusted box with the stuff from the past you can't throw away.

I don't want to stay here anymore, but I can't just leave.

"Alice said you left," I say.

Edward nods.

"Yes. I have already returned to Seattle when I realized that I forgot my papers here. There was no other choice but to come back."

Edwards points at the bedtime table, and I notice a big file folder. Edward steps closer and takes the papers.

"So, you returned?" Alice's voice is heard behind us. "I've said you'd get back, but you didn't listen."

She stands near the door, looking casual as if nothing special happened. And it didn't happen. I'm just overreacting.

"You're getting good at predicting things, Alice. What's about a becoming a fortune-teller?" Edwards asks her, his voice playful. I miss this – their normal conversation.

Alice rolls her eyes.

"It's too obvious. You know why it's happened. You're working too much, Edward. You become inattentive."

Edward doesn't answer. He turns away and gets to the door.

"I need to go back home."

Home. Where's his home now? Edward's words shake me.

Before leaving the room, he looks at me for the last time.

"Take care, Bella."

I flinch as if he punched me. It's something he said after the divorce, after signing papers. Take care, Bella. Three simple words.

"You too," I say, trying to sound indifferent. What else can I do?

I watch him go.

Only while leaving the bedroom, I realize that there's something I still don't get. If Edward and Tanya lived in another room, why he left his papers here?