It had to be one of the worst days of Sirius's life. The fifth year had ended and tonight he was going to be back at 12 Grimmauld Place, a place he could barely call home. Of course, the news about Sirius getting inside the Slytherin dormitories would have reached home and it would come up as an issue too. After all, he had been repeatedly told that if he could not get into Slytherin due to his own shortcomings, he should at least try not to drag the family name into the dirt.
Sirius scoffed at the thought as he looked out of the window of the train. The trees far away were passing by slower than the trees nearer. Sirius wondered if he should stay hidden in the train and make his way back to Hogwarts. But Professor McGonagall would send him right back.
"You can come to my place anytime you want," James spoke up noticing Sirius's grim mood. He and Sirius hadn't had a proper conversation in a long while. But Sirius needed him.
"I always come to your place, but I have to spend at least a week there; Regulus would want me to," said Sirius, shaking his head and then turned to look at his friends. All of them looked worried to say the least. He forced a smile, but that didn't fool his friends.
"Did you talk to Regulus after – that – incident?" Peter's voice was barely a whisper as he fidgeted with his chubby fingers.
"He didn't talk to me, it's not like I am the best older brother," the self-hatred in Sirius's voice was quite evident, it made his friends flinch. Before any of them could say anything, the Honeydukes express caught Sirius's attention and he sprang up from his seat.
"I am going to get myself some snacks, do any of you want anything?" asked Sirius, his eyes fixed on the trolley. He looked around at his friends, and they all shook their head.
Sirius shrugged and opened the compartment door as he stepped out and shutting the door behind himself. Sirius nipped over to the plump, friendly witch that pushed the trolley.
She stopped in front of a compartment, Sirius assumed the people inside must be buying something and took it as a chance to catch up to buy the pumpkin pastries he was craving. Maybe that would put him in a better mood. He hoped it would.
The sound of the train wheels hitting the tracks, made the sound of Sirius's footsteps fade in the background. He walked with quick, long strides, to reach the old witch before she moved on to the next compartment. On his way, he noticed two fourth-year Hufflepuff girls giggling as he passed them by. Chuckling to himself, Sirius gave them his famous charming smile, before looking straight ahead as he reached the trolley.
His smile dropped from his face when he noticed who was inside the compartment. He swallowed in hard as he noticed Marlene and her friends laughing on perhaps an inside joke, deciding what they all wanted off the trolley and the plump, friendly witch joining in on their joke. Marlene looked inhumanely beautiful as always and Sirius could already feel his heart beating faster than usual as her musical laugh filled his ears.
When the trolley witch noticed Sirius standing right beside her, dumbfounded, she turned to him with a smile. "Anything from the trolley dear?" she asked in a honeyed voice.
It bought Sirius back to the reality as he tore his eyes from Marlene and fixed them on the trolley. His eyes were scanning the snacks on the trolley, his cheeks getting hotter. He knew the four girls were looking at Sirius and he had forgotten what he wanted to buy.
Scratching the back of his neck, Sirius bit the inside of his cheeks. "Yes – I – uh – the –" Sirius tried to remember what he wanted but all he could feel was his heart pounding in his chest and his cheeks getting redder by the second as the atmosphere grew quieter. "This!" he exclaimed, picking up three chocolate frogs. Paying for them before with a nervous clumsiness, he rushed off to his compartment, keeping his eyes strictly on the floor.
He stumbled inside his compartment and shut the door behind himself with a thud. Gulping in hard, Sirius turned to his friends.
"What took you so long?" asked James, straightening up in his seat.
Sirius threw the chocolate frogs at Remus, who caught them mid-air, and sat down beside Peter. "Five compartments down from us – Evans is there," Sirius knew that would distract James from asking any further questions. He smirked as he noticed his best friend getting up hurriedly and making his way out towards where Sirius had pointed out. Sirius was proud that he knew his friends so well.
Remus eyed the chocolate frogs in his hands. "Why did you buy these? You don't even like them," he asked, his brows scrunched together and then looked at Sirius.
Sirius let out a dramatic sigh, as he rolled his eyes. "I bought them for you Moony," he said shaking his head.
"Then, where is your snack?" asked Remus, his eyebrows raised slightly. His fingers played with the flap of the chocolate frogs.
"I am the snack Moony," Sirius smirked, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively, making Remus and Peter groan loudly.
"We are too sober for this Padfoot," Remus groaned, turning away from Sirius. He opened the first chocolate frog, showing the card to Peter.
Peter's eyes glistened with excitement, as he asked "Can I have one too?"
Remus handed the other two chocolate frogs to Peter, and the two settled into a conversation about the cards they found.
Sliding down a little, to rest his head on the seat, Sirius closed his eyes and wrapped his arms around himself securely. He drifted off to sleep without even intending to.
Sirius was awoken by a rough jerk and he landed on his side on the floor of the train. The boys' laughter filled Sirius's ears as he groaned, rubbing his eyes. He yawned wide, getting up from the floor of the train.
"Wake up, we are here," said James, shaking Sirius, before shoving him.
Sirius nodded sleepily, opening his eyes a little. Sleep was still pooling in his eyes, he struggled to keep them open. He stretched for a few seconds before walking out of the compartment with his friends.
Tick. Tock.
Tick. Tock.
Tick. Tock.
The clock ticking felt like a time bomb as Sirius sat in the drawing room with his parents and brother, having evening tea. No one had said a word to him yet and he wanted to leave the room already. The silence was uncomfortable and the glares his parents were throwing at him were anything but welcoming.
"Is it true?" His mother put the cup and saucer down and turned towards Sirius, her face had an unnatural stillness.
Sirius let out a small sigh and kept his eyes on his feet. 'Here we go!' he thought to himself and lifted his cup to take another sip of the tea. He tried to keep his shaking hands from spilling the tea. That would be one lecture he would like to avoid.
"Look at me when I am talking to you!" Walburga's shrieking voice startled Sirius and Regulus.
Sirius put his cup and saucer down and looked at his mother from under his lashes, too intimidated to look directly into her eyes.
"Did you attack a Slytherin student?" her stone-cold expressions made Sirius's heart sink to his stomach. There was nothing but hatred in her eyes when she looked at Sirius. But whenever she looked at Regulus, she couldn't look prouder; it sometimes made Sirius jealous of his younger brother.
He gulped in hard and nodded. He wished she would look away from him. He couldn't find his voice, and forced to keep his eyes on her.
"What spell did you use?" she asked, tilting her head to one side, taking another sip of her tea.
Sirius only shook his head. He could feel an unsettling feeling pooling into the pit of his stomach. There was no way this would end without a punishment.
"Use your words," Sirius could hear the patience running out of her. The cup clattered against the saucer as she placed it back on the table.
"I didn't use any spell mother," Sirius mumbled, he did not dare to look away from his mother's eyes now, his eyes fixed on her feet. He was too startled to even react when Walburga got up from the antique black chair, glaring at Sirius.
"Does it make you happy? Following into the footsteps of muggles," she spat out the last word as if even saying that word made her less worthy of the Black name. "You have been nothing but disappointment ever since you got sorted into Gryffindor, but now I see why you were not worthy of being a Slytherin. You associate with these blood traitors and muggle borns, so much so that you have now started adopting their disgraceful ways! It's better you aren't a Slytherin, you aren't worthy of that just like you aren't worthy of being a Black either!"
Sirius could feel a lump forming at the back of his throat as he lowered his gaze further. Shrinking back into his chair, he clenched his hands together, his knuckles turning white.
"I would rather have had no sons than a son like you. I don't know why I was cursed with you!" His mother continued without wondering what her words did to Sirius.
Sirius could feel the brim of his eyes burning up as he tried to hold back his tears caused by his mother's words. He blinked some tears back, but her words filled Sirius with anger.
"These blood traitors and mud bloods that you associate with – "
"Don't call my friends that," Sirius mumbled in a low voice, too intimidated to speak up. He had his heart in his mouth.
"What did you say?" his mother's voice was low and intimidating, when Sirius did not respond to her question, her loud voice boomed across the house, "WHAT DID YOU SAY?"
"Don't call my friends that!" Sirius's voice hardened as he spoke. He leaped up from his seat as tears rolled down his cheeks. He was scared when he noticed the way his mother's face was flushed with anger.
Before Sirius could grasp the whole situation, his mother had her wand out and pointed towards him. He felt the air being knocked out of his lungs as he fell on his knees, his lower abdomen hurt, paining coming to him in waves.
"That is how worthy wizards fight!" His mother told him, before pointing her wand at him again. Tossing him towards an empty wall, where his back hit the wall with a loud thud before he crashed on the floor, barely catching his breath as he pulled himself up.
"Worthy wizards fight?! I am your son!" yelped Sirius, his tears blinding him. He clenched onto his torso, his hands were soaked with something warm and sticky.
"You'd be a better son dead than alive," his father's words were sharper than any knife and he heard his brother gasp but did not intervene.
"You are a worthy wizard?" Sirius let out a roaring laugh as he dragged his feet towards his mother. "The matriarch of the all-powerful, pure blood, Black family – fighting a sixteen-year-old who doesn't even have a wand in his hand," he smirked, standing inches away from his mother's face. His heart was about to escape from his ribcage. He wanted to hide in a corner and wait for someone to save him but he knew he was alone, no one would come to save him. He would have to do it himself. The adrenalin flowing in his veins gave him enough courage to say what he was about to say next.
"A sixteen-year-old mudblood Gryffindor can fight better than you," the words were barely out of his mouth when he felt a sharp pain on his abdomen and he looked down to see his white shirt stained in his own blood. He let out a groan before turning his back towards his mother.
"HOW DARE YOU?! HOW DARE YOU COMPARE ME TO THOSE MUDBLOODS –" Walburga's voice faded in the background for Sirius when his eyes met Regulus's eyes for a brief second. His younger brother was shocked and a frown graced his lips but Sirius couldn't tell if it was for Sirius or because of Sirius.
He dropped his gaze and darted to his bedroom on the fourth floor of the 12 Grimmauld place. The bedroom he had decorated in Gryffindor colours as opposed to the rest of the house, primarily decorated in green, black and silver; was his only place of solitude. The place he would hide from his parents with Regulus when they were both younger and close. The place where he would read his friends' letters in secret and where he would write them letters, the place he would now be leaving behind forever.
Thankfully, he had not unpacked his trunk yet. He picked it up in a shift motion. Rolling it out of his bedroom and dragging it down the stairs behind himself. He was stopped in the hallway on his way out of the house by his younger brother, who looked at Sirius with tears in his eyes and Sirius wanted to abandon his plan to leave the house right there.
"Don't leave Sirius, mother is just angry," Regulus said in a hushed tone and Sirius let go of his trunk and put his hand on his younger brother's shoulder.
"Reg, I must leave, I cannot fit in here and I am not welcomed here either," Sirius's voice was a whisper too. His heart broke at the sight of his younger brother shaking his head as he wiped away his tears with the back of his hands.
"Sirius, I told mother about it when I was angry at you, I didn't know she would do this! You can apologize to her and stay!" Regulus begged but his words made Sirius more determined to walk out of the house.
Sirius didn't believe he had done or said anything that he should apologize for and he merely shook his head. "I am not going to apologize Regulus. Take care of yourself." He quickly dropped his hand to his side and grabbed his trunk as he made his way towards the front door. His hand was outstretched to open the front door but his mother's voice stopped him.
"Where do you think you are going? Potters'? Do you think they will take a boy in who ran away from his family?"
Sirius saw a deep wound appear at the back of his hand outstretched towards the front door and he looked over his shoulder towards his mother. "Is that all you can do mother?" he chuckled before continuing, "You used to be a lot harsher when I was younger."
Slash. Slash. Slash.
Sirius was on the ground, on his knees once again. He could feel the back of his trousers getting wetter with his blood and rage boiling in the pit of his stomach. He had no idea how could a parent hate a child as much as his parents hated him and why?! This place was a mess – this family was a mess. He had to get out now or he might never be able to leave.
"If you leave now, don't bother coming back," Walburga spat out before turning around, her back towards Sirius.
When she heard Sirius shuffle to get up, she smirked. Thinking she had scared him enough to get back in his bedroom but her smile immediately disappeared and her eyes widened when she heard the front door open and then close with a loud thud.
Sirius didn't know how he reached the Potters' house but he found himself standing outside their front door in the middle of the night. Contemplating whether to ring the doorbell or wait outside till the morning.
His tears had still not run dry as he walked around to the backyard from where he could see the lights of James's rooms were still on. Sirius hurriedly looked around the backyard, his tears were still blinding his vision as he picked up a small stone and tossed it towards James's window and waited.
Sirius could tell from James's silhouette that he had his wand in his hand when he unlocked his window. Sirius forced a smile as he wiped his tears away and watched his friend's eyes widen in shock before he disappeared in his room.
As Sirius dragged his feet to the front of the house, he could hear disturbance in the house and he knew James had woken up his parents. He waited for James to open the front door but was instead greeted by his mother who hurriedly took Sirius in and held him at and arm's distance to examine him, as James pulled in Sirius's trunk inside before shutting the front door.
"I am sorry – Mrs. Potter – I disturbed you – this – late," Sirius hung his head low in shame, his voice was barely a whisper between his sobs. He did not ring the door bell so that James's parents wouldn't be disturbed but here they were, standing in the hallway because of him.
"Nonsense Sirius!" Mrs. Potter held up his hand that had a deep cut on the back and shook her head. "James, take him inside, help him change his clothes, your father will be there to help with these wounds," Mrs. Potter instructed James.
Sirius could feel the lump forming at the back of his throat again. "It's not that bad Mrs. Potter," Sirius lied, his voice cracked at the end of the sentence, the last thing he wanted was to bother them.
"Come here son," Mr. Potter wrapped his arm around Sirius's shoulder and helped him up the stairs to James's room. Sirius wanted to cry right there, and he honestly had no idea how he did not cry but that quickly changed when Mr. Potter healed his wounds and Mrs. Potter came inside with a glass of warm milk that she put on the nightstand before engulfing Sirius in a motherly hug that he had craved for as long as he could remember.
He wrapped his arms around Mrs. Potter and tears burst forth like a water dam, spilling down his face. The walls that held him up and helped hide the ugly truth collapsed – just like that. When he cried, everyone could hear the pain in it but no one could understand why would someone hurt a boy barely sixteen-year-old like that. The muffled sobs filled the bedroom and slowly James held onto his best friend as his own eyes began to tear up, hearing his best friend and brother's raw cry.
A/N: Hey Readers,
Thank you so much Aamarylis once again for your encouraging words, it made my day!
I am trying to keep the story as true to the original timeline as possible. I request all the silent readers to please leave a review and let me know what do you think of the story. Also, don't forget to hit the follow and favourite button.
Thanks!
-JT