The Florida Man Diet

Mina, Kirishima, Bakugo, and Shinso were in Izuku's backyard which Rex was chilling in the pool. Shinso looking at the gator, "So how does Izuku legally keep the gator?"

Mina replies, "Rex is a certified emotional support animal."

Shinso in confusion, "I bet your pardon, I didn't know gators are emotional support animal."

Bakugo seeing Izuku with bags of alcohol, "What did you get?"

Izuku replies, "I'm making Florida Bath Water."

Kirishima asks, "What?"

Izuku going to the clean bathtub in the backyard and reveals the bottles, "This tub can fit 42 gallons, so 20 pounds of ice first."

He dumps the ice, "42 gallons is about 159 liters, 20 pounds of ice equals 2.4 gallons which is a little over 9 liters…"

Mina staring at Izuku in awe, "I think Izuku doing math is sexy."

He pulls out 10 liters of vodka, "Ten bottles of vodka!"

Shinso in shock, "Holy shit!"

After the vodka he grabs five bottles of Blue Curacao, "Five liters of magic blue."

Mina giggles, "So pretty~"

Bakugo replies, "Are you forgetting something?"

Izuku dumps 20 pounds of oranges, pineapples, strawberries, and dragon fruit then pulls out 10 bottles of Everclear. "Ten liters of Everclear."

Kirishima shouts, "HOLY FUCK!"

Then Izuku revealed the tequila, "What is a party without tequila from our Mexican brothers~"

He dumps 25 liters of various tequila in the tub which Mina teasing, "What's next Izukun~?"

He replies, "Well my alien queen~ I get the gin."

He dumps 20 liters of gin into the tub which the group can smell the combination, as Izuku dips his finger in and licks the alcohol covered finger, "All most done…"

He dumps 20 liters of pineapple juice then grabs the orange juice, "For my man OJ."

Shinso asks, "Isn't he the wife killer?"

Izuku jokes, "Gloves didn't fit so there is no way he could have done it… yeah, he is the wife killer. 30 liters of OJ."

The group sees the tub has 50 liters of space left as Izuku looks at them 50 liters of Hawaiian Punch."

They pour it all in as Izuku stirs it but in the distance, Tomura tracked Izuku and watches, "He made a mockery of me… kill him."

The female villain with him nods and heads over as Izuku leaves to park his golf cart and gets the front yard ready for the party. Which then Izuku sees the villain walking up which he unfolds the paper, "Hello? Do I know you?"

She speaks, "Are you Izuku Midoriya?"

Izuku replies, "Depends I can be anything you want me to be, Mommy~"

Her rifle extents a rifle which Izuku dodged the first shoot which confused the villain as he snorted his crack he made with his quirk and went on the attack to give her no space. She showed skill in combat, but her punches and kicks were nothing to this Florida Crackhead of a teenager. She taunts, "You wouldn't hit a woman."

He chuckles, "Jokes on you, I'm a part time misogynist. These hands are for putting men and woman like you in their place. Specifically, I'm going to punch you so hard that you are only places you are going be seen in is the kitchen and bedroom."

He punched her face and gut without holding back or mercy. She pulls out a pistol and shoot him in the shoulder, but it did not slow him down as he disarms her with a KFC spork to her arm. She shouts in pain as he stabs her gut a few times which she decided to retreat she realized she heavily underestimated her target. He watched her retreat as Mina and Bakugo come out to see his gunshot wound. Mina comes over, "What the hell happened?!"

Bakugo grabs the first aid kit as Izuku explained, "There was this mommy of a woman who shot me with this rifle quirk as after snorting a bit of crack and using my trusty shank. I scared her off."

He grabs the cup of Florida Bath Water from Mina and chugs it, "Sorry babe, I am very thirsty, and this is a good pain killer."

Bakugo replies, "Oh that is not going to just kill the pain, we are only giving one cup to each person. Shinso and Kirishima are drunk as fuck from only one cup."

Izuku replies, "One cup is 12 fluid ounces so…"

Mina replies, "Don't do math, let's get this fixed up."

Izuku grabs the tweezers and gets the bullet out with ease and pours the alcohol into the wound, "I literally feel no pain, I am just so drunk and high."

Mina decides to stitch him up as Bakugo draws up the woman Izuku got attacked by which Izuku drunk and on crack did not help one bit so they can watch out for her next time. Izuku seeing the people coming as he replies, "Holy shit, I now have a dope story to share with the guests."

Mina kisses Izuku, "The scar is going to look so hot."

He kisses back as Bakugo rolls his eyes, "You two are weirdos… but you are also good friends that I can depend on."

The guests come in as they shake Izuku hand and Izuku bragged about his gunshot wound. But in the distance Aizawa, Mirio and Yagi were in a car watching as Aizawa looking through the binoculars, "There is something not right about Midoriya."

Mirio replies, "You are not wrong, he is a different breed of human."

Yagi comments, "He is a Florida Man, calling him a different breed of human is an understatement. If humans were Sketchers, Florida people are Jordans; they are built differently, and you can kiss your money and belongs goodbye."

Aizawa looking at the gunshot wound, "What the hell? That's a recent made gunshot wound."

Yagi and Mirio see it to and were in shock by it. Izuku looks at their car and waves before going inside to close and lock his door. Aizawa nods, "How can someone be smart yet stupid."

Mirio replies, "Only your friendly neighborhood Florida Man."

Next Day…

AFO speaks, "You did what, Tomura?!"

Tomura replies, "He made a mockery of me, I thought your assassin could take care of him."

AFO on the screen replies, "He shanked her with a KFC spork, that is someone you don't fuck with unless you have several guys. However, from the recording, I think we learned something about this Midoriya Izuku. He has entered UA, his hero name 'Florida Man'. He is very resistant to pain, it scary someone who was quirkless and on crack can take a bullet to the shoulder. As well as a mindset where his hands are literally for everyone. I think we have been looking at him wrong, I also took the liberty to do a bit of research."

Kurogiri slides a file to Tomura which AFO replies, "Turns out his American father is the reason they moved to his mother's home country of Japan."

Tomura reading, "Wow… this guy is a menace."

AFO chuckles, "I'm going to call a few friends in America for this. It is going to take some time."

Next Day…

Izuku wakes up in the classroom as Present Mic looks at him, "Can you read next?"

Izuku nods and reads the correct paragraph which surprises and pisses off the teacher. As class ended, they arrive outside which Aizawa was doing physical tests on every one which everyone passed with flying colors. Until the ball throw which Izuku shrugged and threw as hard as he can but was placed 15th furthest. He really didn't give a shit, he put down he was quirkless and his quirk that was given to him wasn't useful for this. So, he passes a few people because of his fit built and he wasn't high or drunk, so this is the best UA has with him. In Izuku's opinion, he is in a good starting spot as he is a healthy male, he is strong without quirk, fast without a quirk, he has the highest pain tolerance in the class which surprises Aizawa himself, and he has shown on his tests that he was intelligent.

Bakugo watches Izuku as Izuku does deserve to be ranked 15 out of 20 in the class, not because he is weak. But because he is quirkless, strong, and fought for the spot with what he has on him. His new quirk isn't going to help anything except give Izuku crackhead energy, this is Izuku if all the drugs, alcohol, and cigarettes are taken away. A focused, calculating, strong, and friendly man. He has a lot of hero qualities and Bakugo admires that Izuku despite having no quirk can kick ass. However, Bakugo does worry about Izuku if he were up against with someone with a powerful quirk. Izuku would not go down easily and has the energy to die stand and not live kneeling.

Mina examines Izuku and his sexy body, she loves him a lot. But she also loves him when he is sober like this. The calm, collective, and well matter boy which she would easily take to her parents without a second thought. She knows he loves her and will protect her even with a lack of a real quirk. He is someone that is destined to be a hero no matter what anyone says, including that insomniac teacher. Izuku flexes his muscles, "What is next, Aizawa-sensei? Rope climbing? Parkour? Giving you pictures of Spiderman?"

Aizawa stares at Izuku, "You impressed me a little today, but tomorrow don't disappoint me."

He nods, "Alright."

Nezu watches from his office, "I find him a bit… different. A quirkless individual like him but obviously he isn't cheating my tests… actually he knows that I personally made these tests and wrote a secret message to me."

Hound Dog asks, "What is the message?"

Nezu looking a binary code written on Izuku's test, "'Don't toy with me.' He must have been tested like this his whole life. I have seen images of his parties when he is drunk and snorting crack/cocaine. I want the sober Izuku and the crackhead Izuku needs to be gone."

Hound Dog replies, "Drug use is usually caused by a past trauma. So, I'm going to be doing some digging so I can begin the work. However, I am a little scare to do it."

Nezu asks, "Why? How did he do on the mental health and emotional health test?"

Hound Dog replies, "He knows how to approach situations and problems and solve them, but here is the thing, the questions are designed to trigger emotions and challenge your mental thinking. He got a perfect score to make him pass as a perfectly sane person."

Nezu replies, "Which is the complete opposite of what we saw in the entrance exam, where he was suicidal, reckless, and crazy."

Nezu chuckles, "I am excited to poke his brain around; strong mental, emotional, and physically~!"

Izuku heading inside to go to the rooftop on his break to smoke a cigarette, "This sober shit is the worst."

He then uses his quirk to make some crack and snort it up with ease, "Feels good…"

He puts on his headphone on and plays 'Feel Good Inc' by the Gorillaz, he jams to the music on the roof. As much as Izuku loves Japan, he loves Florida just as much. The beaches, the sun, the old people he could prank, and Rex's mother. Which speaking of Rex, Izuku writes down, "Pick up cow carcass after school."

He goes back to dancing on the roof until he heard, "Excuse me, why are you on the roof?"

Izuku looks around to see no one until the voice said, "Look up."

Izuku looks up to see a blue hair girl floating and speaks English, "The hell you are doing?"

The girl giggles, "I'm sorry English isn't my strong suit."

Izuku in Japanese, "Right… what are you doing?"

She giggles, "I saw you dancing on the roof."

He takes off his headphones, "Have you heard of the Gorillaz?"

She looks at him in confusion, "I think the baby ones in the zoo are cute."

He looks at her then just leaves, he was just done and was not going to educate this uncultured woman. It took Izuku a day to get Mina hooked as she already was familiar with the name and then after on song, they had sex to it. He was not going to education someone no knowledge of it.