Hey! I hope you guys liked the last chapter. I know it was more of a narrative, story progressing chapter that is a bit boring, but I promise that this one is much more interesting! Anywhom, enjoy the 5th chapter of: A Quiet Mind.
Yuri stared at her desk, tapping her finger lightly as she scanned the paper in front of her. "Hmm..." She ran her fingers down the page, and nodded. She was satisfied with her poem, despite it not being quite as long as she may of liked. She looked around the classroom, making sure that there wasn't a surprise assignment given while she was spacing out and focusing on her paper.
Realizing that the rest of the class was either chatting or playing on their phone, she sighed in slight relief as she slipped the paper into her black notebook, lightly putting it away in her book bag and sitting back in her chair.
Yuri had one of the most relaxing nights she had in a long time. Being able to relax, knowing her parents were home, having the comfort of having her mind filled with positivity and production, and most of all being able to write a poem that she was actually able to share? It was relieving, if not exciting.
She had never really tried to share her poetry before, having not had the friends around her to do so. She never really wanted to, if she was honest with herself. But, it felt different today. She knew the club members were at the very least nice enough to not rip her writing apart, and they were her friends. She was excited to her their feedback, and to be able to read their works as well. Despite her raging anxiety, she actually felt elated at the prospect of sharing ideas and styles with her peers.
Not to mention the fact that her headspace blotted out the glaring issues within her recent mental state. Perhaps it was a temporary band-aid, but, any sort of break from the storm in her head was a relished period of time.
She was jutted out of her thoughts by the shrill bell ring throughout the classroom, and the subsequent shuffling of students exiting the class and going off to their own clubs and homes. Yuri stayed in her seat for a moment before taking a deep breath, a small smile creeping it's way onto her face. She gathered her things and put her bag over her shoulder before making her way out of the classroom.
She made her way to room 4-C as per usual, dragging her way up the stairs. Her being winded after walking up a few flights of stairs made her question whether or not she should start working out.
She opened the door, and looked around. Once again, she was surprised as she didn't see anyone else in the room. This... Confused her greatly. She swore she was slow getting up here, and Natsuki being late twice in two days was quite the anomaly.
But, just as she stepped further into the room, she glanced to the far side of the room, and spotted Natsuki sitting at a desk, laying her head down and facing the wall, her eyes droopy and closing on and off. Yuri felt a pang of worry shoot through her, and she walked to her normal desk and sat her bag down before slowly walking over to Natsuki, standing above her and looking down.
She almost put her hand on her shoulder, but quickly pulled it away as it hovered over her, knowing the adverse reaction she would get from Natsuki if she did so, one she still didn't quite understand.
Instead, she opted to sit down in the desk in front of Natsuki, and turned it slightly so she could face her. "Hey, are you alright?" Yuri asked softly, placing her hands in her lap and leaning down a bit to get eye level with Natsuki, who looked totally exhausted.
Natsuki blinked a few times before she groggily sat up, and rubbed her eyes. "Y-Yeah... I'm fine... Just..." She cut herself off with a yawn, covering her mouth as she stretched her arm over her head, "Just a little tired... Is all... Didn't sleep for shit last night..." She mumbled, her arms lightly falling back on the desk as she looked at Yuri, seemingly half asleep.
Yuri smiled a bit, "Well, that would surely make you tired... Mind if I ask why you couldn't sleep?"
Natsuki sharpened her look, and her shoulders seemed to tense up at the question, "I had a stomach ache." She responded in a flat tone, giving off the clear message that Yuri shouldn't ask any further questions.
Yuri nodded, and took the hint. "Well, I hope you are feeling a bit better now. I know how dreadful it can be to go through a day with a poor nights sleep..." Yuri said with a small sigh, "Many nights I stayed up far too late reading a book, and didn't notice how late it got until my alarm went off..."
Natsuki giggled, much to the surprise of Yuri, "Of course you would do that. You and your books... I'd make fun of you, but to be honest it's kinda cool you have a hobby you're so passionate about..." Natsuki trailed off, her face turning a bit red as she realized what she had said. "N-Not to say that it still isn't lame... Because it's still... Lame... Yeah..." She looked away, and crossed her arms.
Yuri was rather shocked. Natsuki gave her a compliment? She validated her passion?
"You must be really tired..." Yuri said in response, a sly smile on her face.
"S-Shut up..." Natsuki glared at Yuri, and picked her hand up and shooed her off with her hand, "Go away, I'm gonna get a few more minutes of shut eye before Ms. Airhead blares an air horn in here."
Yuri nodded, and stood up, "Of course, you know where I'll be if you need anything." Yuri said sweetly, standing up and putting the desk in the proper place before making her way back to her usual desk, sitting down and pulling her books out to continue reading, sighing as she slipped into the comfort of her book for the time being.
After awhile, Sayori, MC, and Monika had made their way into the room, filling the once quiet class with their chatter and conversations. Yuri glanced over, and noticed Natsuki was up with them, seemingly shifting from the exhausted girl she saw earlier back into her brash, normal self.
"Aww... Come on! I think I earned a cookie for recruiting MC!" Sayori whined.
"Uh, if you remember correctly, I made cupcakes because he joined, and when I recruited Yuri nobody gave ME anything. I had to make my own cupcakes then, too!" Natsuki snapped back, crossing her arms in defiance.
"W-Well... You didn't ask!" Sayori weakly said back, receiving an annoyed sigh from Natsuki.
"Can you try to not act like a spoiled brat for once, Sayori? You're not any more special than me!"
MC sighed, and put his hand on Sayori's shoulder, who looked sad and defeated after Natsuki's last comment. "Sayori, as rude as Natsuki put it, she has a point. She made you cupcakes for what you did, and made you cupcakes for something she did. You should be grateful for what you get. And, besides, if you want a cookie that badly, you know you can just con a few yen out of me like you usually do." MC said calmly, making Sayori smile despite being rejected from her cookie.
"You're right... I just wanted a cookie, heh..." Sayori laughed sheepishly, and rubbed the back of her head.
Natsuki rolled her eyes, and walked away.
Yuri sighed as well, wishing that her club members were able to act more maturely...
Yuri glanced over to the teachers desk, her eyes falling on Monika who was intensely staring at a computer in front of her, muttering to herself as she typed a few characters and then promptly deleted all of it. Yuri made her way up to the desk, and stood next to Monika, glancing over her shoulder and looking at the open document in front of her.
"Hey Monika, what are you working on?" Yuri questioned, making Monika jump a little, clearly not noticing Yuri creep up on her.
"Jeez, Yuri... You scared me..."
"A-Ah... Sorry..." Yuri responded apologetically.
"Don't worry about it. And to answer your question, I am working on a research essay. What is the topic, you may ask? Oh, you know, the most interesting topic known to man." Monika turned the computer towards Yuri, and in bold text the title read: The Effects of Pesticide on Herbivorous Animals
"That... Does sound incredibly boring..."
"Yeah, tell me about it. It's not exactly the most mentally stimulating essay I have ever written. In fact, I can't think of anything more boring." Monika sighed, and put her head in her hands.
"I'm sorry... Should I leave you be, for now?"
"Yes, please... I need to try and focus. I don't know how, but, I'll try." Monika gave Yuri a half-hearted smile, and Yuri smiled back, nodding before walking off.
It was a bit relieving to Yuri, knowing that someone like Monika, with Monika's status and talent, struggles with things that she herself struggles with. Knowing that someone like her gets bored out of her mind and can't focus on boring essays. She already liked Monika, she found her to be intelligent and profoundly interesting. But, seeing past her persona and into her real personality is something Yuri felt privileged to experience.
As she walked back to her desk, she glanced over to MC who was idly standing next to the door, leaning against the wall and scrolling through his phone. Yuri pondered going up to talk to him, but she found that her anxiety with randomly walking up to someone she barely knows outweighed her desire to converse with the newest club member.
While she was looking at him, she heard something bump into a desk, causing her to look away to the center of the classroom. Standing there was Natsuki, who was holding what looked like one of her manga, with a light red blush spread across her cheeks, which was entirely out of character for her. She weaved through the desk timidly, and Yuri watched her with curiosity.
She looked back at MC and it suddenly clicked in her head; Natsuki had overheard their conversation about books and how MC enjoyed manga, so she was trying to share her manga with him...
She was going to look away out of respect, knowing Natsuki was someone who would hate to be seen in any way other than her normal brash and rude persona. But, something compelled Yuri to keep her eyes on the short, pink-haired girl as she made her way over to him.
"H-Hey MC I was wond-" Natsuki began to say, but was quickly cut off as Sayori popped up seemingly out of thin air beside MC, and grabbed his arm.
"Hey! MC! Do you mind coming and sitting with me? I wanted to show you this cool comic I found!" Sayori exclaimed, taking all of MC's attention.
"Oh? Uh, sure. Beats standing up here doing nothing." He said, putting his phone in his pocket and beginning to walk away with Sayori. Suddenly, he noticed Natsuki standing there and turned to face her. "Oh, Natsuki. Didn't see you there. Did you want something?"
Natsuki clutched her book to her chest, and her face twitched. Yuri couldn't tell if she was sad or angry.
"No, I wouldn't want anything from you. I just wanted to grab a tissue and maybe kick you in the balls on the way there." She said crudely, quickly turning around and walking off, leaving MC and Sayori speechless.
"What is her problem?" MC asked Sayori, who just shrugged and took him back to her desk.
Yuri frowned, and shook her head in disappointment. Sayori knew exactly what she did, making sure that Natsuki wasn't able to come up to MC and talk to him about her manga.
She had no idea Sayori could be so jealous and petty, she didn't see that in her. But, she could only assume she was insecure about MC being in a club full of girls his age and didn't want him to have a crush on any of them.
"Still no excuse for that..." She muttered, and looked over to Natsuki, who had proceeded to slink back to the closet and sit on the ground, staring at the first page of her manga.
Yuri sighed, and made her way over to the fiery girl, hoping at the very least she wouldn't be cursed out.
"Hello, again." Yuri said, looking down at Natsuki with a small smile.
"Oh... Hey Yuri..." Natsuki muttered, not even trying to hide the fact she was downcast.
"What's up?" Yuri awkwardly made her way to the ground and sat down next to Natsuki, looking over to her.
Natsuki looked at her a bit surprised, and looked down to her manga. "Oh, well, I was going to read but I guess I spaced out..."
"Mind if I ask what you're reading?"
Natsuki looked to Yuri skeptically, and raised an eyebrow, "Uh... I'm pretty sure you wouldn't like it."
"Maybe, maybe not... Doesn't mean I don't want to hear about it."
"It's not one of your fancy novels." Natsuki contested, seemingly a bit apprehensive about talking about her manga.
Yuri sighed, knowing that Natsuki was probably right in saying Yuri would have little to no interest in her manga. But, she knew how much Natsuki wanted to share her manga with someone, and even if she didn't like it, she had to at the very least allow Natsuki to share it. She knew all to well the pain of having so much to say about one of her books, and not being able to tell anyone. "Just because it has pictures doesn't mean I can't be interested in what it is about..."
Natsuki looked at Yuri, eyeing her up and down. "... Promise you won't make fun of me?" Natsuki asked quietly.
Yuri was a bit taken aback, as she had never seen Natsuki act so vulnerably. It suddenly clicked that maybe Natsuki was often made fun of because of her love of manga... "Of course I won't make fun of you. Now, please, tell me what you're reading."
"...Okay." Natsuki inhaled, and closed the book. She held it out in front of her and showed Yuri the cover, which read "Parfait Girls" with colorful looking girls in chefs outfits with a kitchen behind them. The rest of the cover was hot pink with a black spine. "It's... Probably my favorite."
Yuri couldn't help but giggle, much to the dismay of Natsuki who quickly pulled the book away. "I thought you said you wouldn't make fun of me!" Natsuki growled, turning away from Yuri.
"Natsuki, I'm not making fun of you. I laughed because it is exactly what I expect you to read. Something bright, colorful, and about baking and cooking. Which, there is nothing wrong with. In fact, I would like to know what it is about." Yuri assured her, giving her an apologetic smile.
Natsuki looked back, and nodded, "Oh... Well... In that case..." She broke out into a smile, and opened up the book. "Well, it's about these girls who are friends in high school. It starts off pretty slow as they do small things, and have small over dramatic teenage girl problems. But as you get in more, a lot more things start to go down and it becomes more than just a baking manga. It's actually really interesting how it shifts so suddenly from a slice of life to a drama filled action..." Natsuki explained, running her finger along a page where the girls were in class talking about something.
Yuri was a bit surprised by the in depth explanation by Natsuki. She knew that manga obviously had a plot, but she wasn't at all aware that it may be genuinely engaging and interesting... "I see... That sounds rather interesting, Natsuki. I see why it is your favorite."
Natsuki's eyes lit up, and she smiled. "R-Really..? You think..." She quickly noticed she was falling out of her persona and straightened up her back. "Yeah, I know it's good. I wouldn't pick something as my favorite if it wasn't the absolute best!" Natsuki said with a smug smile, crossing her arms under her chest.
Yuri sighed, but she couldn't help but smile back. "Well, thank you for sharing with me. It's always nice to hear about somebodies passion, especially if it's an interesting topic such as literature."
"Would you... Want to read it?" Natsuki asked tentatively.
Yuri wanted to say no, as she really had no interest at all in reading manga. She found it too bright and too much was going on at once. But... She just couldn't find it in her to upset Natsuki, she didn't want to see her sulk again. "Well... After I finish my book that I am reading now, I would love to borrow a copy and read a little." Yuri said with a smile.
"I... That's..." Natsuki seemed to be having an internal crisis on whether or not to get excited or to act like she usually would be just be smug. "That's... Really nice of you..." She mumbled, trying her best to hide her face.
"Don't mention it."
Yuri was about to say more, but Monika got up in the front of the room and cleared her throat. "Okay, everyone! It's time to share our poems! I hope you all remembered to write one, or I will have to hit you upside the head with a frying pan!" Monika said in a scarily sweet tone.
"Ah, time to share our poems..." Yuri sighed, and looked to Natsuki, "Talk to you in a minute, yeah?"
"Yeah..." Natsuki trailed off, and Yuri quickly got up went to her desk, fishing out her paper from her notebook.
Okay... Who first... She thought, looking around. She saw that Monika had yet to meet up with anyone, and Yuri quickly walked over to her.
Monika glanced up at her and smiled, "Oh, hello Yuri! I was hoping to get you first. Between you and me, I think we are the only ones who take this seriously..." Monika said quietly.
"A-Ah... Well... I'm sure the rest of them tried..."
"Oh! I'm certain as well, I'm not saying that. But I imagine it they will have much more surface level poetry, which isn't a bad thing! You have to start somewhere, after all."
Yuri nodded, a bit put off by Monika's low expectations of the other club members. "Shall we share our poems?"
"Yes, let's!"
Yuri shared her poem with Monika, Sayori, and MC. And, as much as she feels bad to admit it, Monika was right in saying that they were far less experienced and at a more novice level compared to them. MC especially seemed to not care too much, just writing out a pretty basic poem. But, he had said it was his first, so Yuri couldn't fault him for it. And Sayori's... Well, it was obvious that she had forgotten to write it last night and speedily wrote it in the morning.
She was a bit disappointed the MC didn't talk to her much while they shared poems, he seemed to be a bit out of it and tired. She tried to give him a book recommendation like she said she would yesterday, but she was certain that he wasn't actually listening to her.
She inhaled, and looked over at Natsuki who was standing to the left side of the room, seemingly waiting for someone to come up to her. Since she was the only person Yuri hadn't shared with yet, she made her way up to Natsuki.
"Hello again, are you ready to share poems?" Yuri asked, holding her paper out.
"Oh, uh, yeah. Sure." Natsuki took Yuri's, and Yuri handed hers over to Natsuki.
Yuri read through it, and it was unsurprisingly simple. She had figured Natsuki wouldn't use any sophisticated language or try to be ambiguous. She read through it rather quickly, and looked back up to Natsuki, who had her nose wrinkled up as she read through it.
"Here, I'm done." Natsuki handed it back, snatching her own away from Yuri. "Yours was fine. It was... Fancy."
Yuri immediately felt offended that her work was brushed off as "fancy" instead of talking about the metaphors and and allegories, or trying to figure out what it meant..
"I see... I guess yours is.. Cute." Yuri said in response out of spite.
"Excuse me? Cute?" Natsuki was far more open about her offense, and crossed her arms. "It's about how helpless people feel about themselves and how we try to reach new heights that may be impossible to get to, how the hell is that cute?!"
"I was... Just trying to say something nice."
"Do you really have to try that hard to say something nice about my poem? Why don't you just be honest and tell me that you thought it was shit?" Natsuki spat, making Yuri jump back. "Just because it isn't some fancy bullshit like you write using words that don't even make sense, doesn't mean everyone else has to write like that. Not everyone is as stuck up as you are!"
"W-What?" Yuri felt a shot go through her chest. She thought of herself as the exact opposite of stuck up... "How dare you? I find language to be a beautiful tool to eloquently portray complex emotions and force the reader to actually think about what they are reading. How is it stuck up to use our language to the best of it's ability?"
"Why do you have to talk like that, huh? Does it make you feel better about yourself? Do you feel smarter? Well, hate to break it to you, but it makes you sound like a total stuck up bitch who thinks she is better than everyone else!"
Yuri felt her fist clench in anger, and she felt any and all patience leave her. "You're one to talk, Natsuki. All you ever do it act like a petulant brat who is constantly rude to other people to hold up some fake persona that makes you feel better about yourself. You try to think you're better than everyone and you debase everyone, but in reality you're just jealous that they feel comfortable with themselves and you don't." Yuri shot back, Natsuki staring at her wide eyed.
"You... Fucking bitch... You know absolutely nothing about me. And you know what? You're proving my point right now. All you ever do is sit in your little corner and judge everyone who walks by you. You've known me for a week and you think you have everything about me figured out? Tell me Yuri, is it lonely up there on the pedestal you put yourself on?"
Sayori slowly walked up next to the two, and nervously laughed, "H-Hey... Let's not argue like this guys..."
"THIS DOESN'T CONCERN YOU!" Yuri and Natsuki said almost in unison, making Sayori slowly slink away in defeat.
"You know, Natsuki, maybe you would be able to get along more with everyone if you weren't constantly insulting them like a child. Monika has given you all the leeway in the world with your mouth, and you keep disrespecting her most basic of rules. Have you no shame?"
"What the FUCK does that even mean? I can say whatever I want to, and act however I want to. Or do I need your permission, oh almighty Yuri."
"You keep acting like a child, I don't even know why I am having this conversation with you. No matter how nice anyone is to you, all you can do is insult them and swear at them, you even threatened MC earlier."
Natsuki was fuming, her face bright red and her hands shaking. "You know, just because you think I'm this awful person and shitty writer, I'll have you know that Sayori and MC both liked my poem, and they weren't being a condescending bitch about it!"
"Congratulations, you're learning that not everyone is absolutely awful to their friends and can hold their tongue when they don't have anything nice to say, which I imagine they both have some fairly negative things to say about you. Perhaps you should take notes, Natsuki."
"There you go again! You even think that you know everything about them too! You don't know what they think! You make assumptions about everyone and think it's gospel."
"And you don't make assumptions about people? How about Monika? Sayori?"
"I may be a little rude sometimes, but that is just my personality! They know I'm not serious!"
Yuri sighed, and shook her head, "Is that how you justify being absolutely terrible to people? That it's just "your personality"? That is sad, Natsuki. That is very, very sad."
"Yuri you are one of the most stuck up bitches I have ever met in my life. You think you're so much better than everyone else, that you're better than me. Is that why you have no friends? Does that smart talk help you communicate with all those friends you don't have? No, you're a lonely fucking cunt because you push everyone off with your fake bullshit personality and your 'I'm so much smarter than you' personality. You think you're special, I hate to tell you this, but you're fucking not." Natsuki spat with pure malice, her eyes staring daggers into Yuri.
"I... I..." Yuri couldn't speak, her throat was dry and her eyes were welling with tears she did all she could to not let out. After what she did for Natsuki... Trying her best to console her earlier and discuss her passion... This is what she got in return?
Yuri wanted to throw up.
"Nobody wants you here. The only reason Monika keeps you around is because she is desperate to keep the numbers high. If it were up to me, I would have gladly kicked you out the day after you got here. So why don't you take your pathetic ass and le-"
"THAT IS ENOUGH." Monika yelled, pushing her way past Yuri and grabbing Natsuki by the front of her shirt, clamping onto her uniform and shaking her a bit, her emerald eyes full of anger.
"M-Monika w-what a-" Natsuki tried to choke out.
"DO NOT say another WORD. You crossed a line, Natsuki." Natsuki looked up at the taller girl, terrified as she was held onto.
"I... I-I..."
"Unless the next words coming out of your mouth are I, Am, Sorry, and/or Yuri, I recommend you shut up. Or I will personally throw you out of the class and gladly take the three day suspension for throwing you against a wall." Monika said in an ice cold tone, much to the shock of everyone else in the room.
Yuri felt tears streaming down her face as she breathed in shakily, "Monika... Please... Stop..." Yuri croaked out, "She... She was right... About me..." Yuri gave a forced smile, turning away to the door. "I'll... I need... I need to go to the bathroom..." Yuri mumbled, walking towards the door.
"Yuri..." Sayori reached out and grabbed her arm.
Yuri smiled at Sayori, and lightly moved her hand off of her. "I'm fine, Sayori." She said, and walked out. Once she was out of sight of the door, she ran down the hall and into the nearest bathroom. She slid down the wall, and let herself sob into her knees.
You know she is right. They all hate you. Everyone hates you.
"Go away..." Yuri barely mumbled between her sobs.
No matter what you do, they will always hate you.
"I know..."
But I don't. I've always been here for you.
"You just want to hurt me..."
I want to free you.
"I hate you..."
You love me.
"You're the reason... They hate me..."
They don't understand you like I do.
"T-They're my... Friends... You... You aren't..."
If they were your friends, they wouldn't hate you.
"But..."
They wouldn't laugh at you.
"They don't... Do they...?"
They wouldn't make fun of you.
Yuri stayed quiet, trembling. "Get out... Of my head..."
I'm your friend. I am here for you. I am not like them.
"Get out... Of my head..."
I will never let you go. Break the mirror, use the glass to let me free you.
"I said... Get... OUT." Yuri grabbed her hair and lightly hit herself over and over again. "Get out... Get out... Get out..." She sobbed.
"Y-Yuri...?" A voice said, snapping Yuri from her manic state.
She looked up, and much to her surprise, she saw Natsuki standing there, her face red from embarrassment.
"What... Do you want..." Yuri asked quietly, unable to look up at Natsuki.
"I'm... I..." Natsuki breathed in, "I'm sorry! I'm sorry, Yuri. I'm so so so sorry..." Natsuki said, tears of her own beginning to drip down her face. "Everything you said... Everything you said is right. I hate myself, and I take it out on everyone else. I am rude, I am mean... I... I am a horrible person..." Natsuki began to cry, holding herself as she did so.
"Natsuki..." Yuri stood up, and stood across from her, not knowing what to do. "You... Stop... We both... We both said some pretty bad things, in there. Not just you... I... I'm sorry as well. You aren't a terrible person, I think you're a really cool person... Just... With some things you need to work on, like everyone..."
"I told you I didn't like you... That nobody wanted you here... Which is so wrong... Everyone wants you here. You're so smart, you're pretty and nice... You're the exact opposite of me. I'm a stupid, ugly, mean bitch..."
"That isn't true. You are very intelligent, you are a very pretty girl, and you just have a staunch personality, which isn't a bad thing. I like you the way you are..."
"... Do you... Mean that...?"
"Yes, I mean it. I promise."
"Why... You're so nice to me... For no reason... I am nothing but rude... And you come up to me to talk about my manga, even though you aren't interested in it... To make me happy... And now... Even after saying the meanest things I could possibly say... You're... Being nice to me... Why...?"
"Because, you're my friend. And that is what friends do."
Natsuki looked at Yuri with a wet face. She breathed in shakily, and walked towards Yuri and hugged her. "... Thank you, Yuri. You're my friend too..."
"Of course, Natsuki. And I am glad..." Yuri smiled, and hugged her back.
You aren't my friend, Demon. You don't want to free me. You were never there for me. I have my friends, I have people who are there for me. I don't need you, I don't want you. Yuri thought, standing there hugging her friend as she cried into her.
Well, there is the 5th chapter of A Quiet Mind. Which, I know, weird right? A chapter released in less than two months? I know, it's wacky. But, I hope you enjoyed it. Have a lovely day/night, leave a comment if you have anything you want to say, otherwise, see you next time!