I lay in bed unable to go to sleep. My mind was reeling from what had happened that morning. I'd spent the rest of the day effectively avoiding Connor. I was too ashamed to even go for my bow lesson. When we saw each other at supper, we didn't speak. I tried not to even look at him. Achilles didn't seem to notice anything out of the ordinary. If he thought our behavior was strange, he said nothing. Perhaps he guessed we'd had another fight.

I'd cleaned up and went to my room after dinner, telling Achilles I wasn't feeling well. Connor had went to the basement, as per usual with him. I had heard him go into his room about an hour later. But I hadn't heard him come back out since. I found it strange that he would retire so early. He usually studied longer before bed.

Sighing, I got up and lit a candle. I knew it would be a while before I was able to rest and just laying in the bed was making time drag. I quietly opened my door and walked to the library. Using the dim light from the single flame, I found the ledger of Assassins. I lighted the lamp on the wall near the couch and sat down to read. I'd read it all before, but I'd gained new information since them. I flipped to the stories about Edward Kenway and reread them. I found it difficult to believe that this was Connor's grandfather. Their personalities were so drastically different. I didn't really know Edward, but from what I read he was sort of selfish and a womanizer. He was a pirate who joined the Brotherhood later in life. The book even stated that the Order had doubts about his loyalty in the beginning, but that he had proven himself before his death.

I began to wonder what Haytham was like. Was his more like his father or his son? Or was he just an even combination of the two? It was weird to think about. Even weirder that he was a Templar.

I glanced up as Connor entered the room. My heart fluttered for a second when I saw him. He was wearing his buckskin outfit again. The one he'd had on when I first met him. Memories of being in his arms flooded my mind. I attempted to quell my infatuation and remain indifferent.

"Are you having trouble sleeping?" he asked as he sat down on the couch. He maintained a foot of space between us that almost hurt.

I nodded. I didn't trust myself to speak. I was afraid I would say the wrong thing and make the situation worse.

Connor was quiet for a moment. He leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees and rubbed his hands together. I waited for him to say something else. The silence was deafening. After a time, I decided to speak.

"Why are you still up?"

"For the same reason you are," he said. He sat back and looked at me. "Would you rather me leave you alone?"

I frowned at him. That was the last thing I wanted from him. Did he not know that? I felt the sting of refusal and looked away. "What I'd like," I told him in a strained voice, "is for this to be less awkward."

He was quiet for a moment, his eyes watching my profile. "I would like that, too," he whispered.

I turned my face to him. He attempted a wry grin that didn't quite reach his eyes. I hadn't realized that he had become confused by what had happened. But his gazed held an insecurity that was foreign for the young Assassin. He'd always been self-assured enough to chose the right course of action in any situation and I'd relied on him to determine what we should do next. I hadn't thought something as simple as a kiss could make him doubt himself in such a way. The sudden revelation that it had been his first kiss stunned me. I knew he didn't have much experience with girls, but I always figured there was braided maiden in his village that had held his attention at some point.

"I'm sorry," I said.

Connor's brow wrinkled. "You have no reason to apologize, Faith" he told me. "You have done nothing wrong."

"I feel like I have," I muttered.

Connor frowned at me. It was a wounded grimace. As though he bore the responsibility for my emotions. "I did not mean to make you feel that way," he said softly.

I stared at him. I didn't want him to think this was all his fault. We were both to blame and I had no regrets about kissing him. I shook my head noticeably. "I-"

I stopped. I had started to tell him I love him. But I was afraid it would only make him more unsure of how to proceed. Connor's tone told me that he didn't rue the kiss either. That was enough to give me hope that something could develop between us. But I felt it was too soon to speak deep feelings. I needed to be patient with him. Let him determine the speed.

"I really like you, Connor," I said instead.

"I really like you, too, Faith."

I got the sense he wanted to say more, but he was hesitant. The silence was torture. I didn't want to push him, but not knowing how to act was killing me. If it had been anyone else, I would have said what I thought without considering the outcome. But Connor was different. I cared for him too much to speak freely when I felt my words could do harm. I waited for him to find his voice. It took him a while.

"I am afraid you would not be happy with me," he said.

"Why would you think that?" I asked.

"Because I have so little time to offer. I have so many responsibilities that I am afraid you would feel like I do not put you first. You deserve better."

I chuckled nervously. I found that so characteristic of his personality. He never put what he wanted first. He was selfless like that. He always used what little free time he did have to aid the other inhabitants of the homestead. He was a reliable and dependable man. I admired that about him.

"I know what your life is like," I told him. "If it bothered me, I wouldn't even want to try."

"I do not want you to be disappointed with me."

"I've never been disappointed with anything you've done," I said. I tentatively took his hand, holding it gently and encouragingly.

Connor grinned at me. "I hope you never are."

"Stop doubting yourself," I muttered.

I scooted closer to him and put my head on his shoulder. I felt him press his lips against the top of my head and smiled. I didn't see a possibility of this ever going wrong. It felt too right. Being with Connor made sense. It was the only thing that had meaning in a purposeless existence.

"I think we should keep this a secret from Achilles," Connor said. "For now."

I hadn't even thought of his mentor, but in doing so, I had to agree with him. I wasn't sure how Achilles would respond to us forming a relationship. I doubted he'd be pleased with it. He'd most likely forbid it. He wanted Connor to remain focused on his duties and this would only be seen as a distraction.

"I was just thinking the same thing," I told him.

We sat there in silence for a while. Each one of us just enjoying the pleasure of being close to the other. We didn't need words to express anything. The feel of Connor's hand in mine was enough to let me know he cared. His willingness to see how far our relationship could go was all the promise I needed. I wanted a future with him. I had the intention of making one. But – for now – I was just happy in the moment.

Connor sighed. "We should get some sleep."

As much as I agreed with the sentiment, I was loath to separate from him. "I know," I said. I still didn't release him. And he didn't release me.

"At least you have a bed now," he reminded me.

I nodded and frowned. "I still prefer yours, though."

"Would you like to trade?" Connor asked me.

I laughed. "No," I said, giving him a cunning grin. "But I wouldn't mind sharing."

Connor watched me. It surprised me that he was actually considering it. It wasn't that I didn't want to sleep with him, but my words had been an attempt at playfulness.

"Achilles wakes me," Connor told me.

Even though I hadn't been totally serious, I felt disappointment at the fact that we couldn't share a bed. It wasn't for sex that I wanted to sleep with Connor. I wouldn't deny him if it was what he wanted. Never. I only wanted to be next to him. It was a pure form of intimacy I was desiring, not love making.

With a sigh, I told him that I knew that.

"Would you like me to walk you to your room?" he asked.

I smiled. "I'd love that."

We held hands as we walked down the hallway together. Connor gave me a sweet kiss on the forehead as he wished me a good night. I went inside and fell onto my bed with a tired and elated sigh. I tried to stay awake for as long as I could. I was afraid that if I fell asleep I'd wake to find that I'd imagined everything. I wanted this to last forever.

Unfortunately, when you want sleep is when you are least able to find it, and not wanting it is the time it comes much too quickly.