Hey Guys!

So sorry its taken a while to update. Moved house, so been decorating etc then caught Covid so was ill with that!

But nearly done with all those things now so I have more time for writing. Just want to say thanks to those who messaged me about updates, means a lot that you like this story so much.

Anyway, thanks again and here is chapter 9 after a long wait.

SM owns all things Twilight.

Enjoy!

B POV

"So how does that make you feel?" Eleazer asked.

I was sat in a therapy office. Alice and Rose had both recommended I speak to someone as I had spent the last two week in absolute silence. Even when Edward made his appearance in Chicago, I never said a word.

Eventually, Alice persuaded me to speak to someone and once they were deemed perfect by the secret service, I had my first session last week. It was finally good to be able to talk to someone who didn't truly know the situation. All our friends and family were too close to the situation to truly help us.

"Angry. Worthless." I replied to Eleazer's question. He was good. He got me to answer honestly about how I was feeling, something I feel as though I haven't done in an exceptionally long time. There was no worry of the public finding out.

"Can you explain why you felt that way? It might make Edward understand better." He encouraged. I looked to Edward who was at on my left. His ankle sat on top his leg that was bouncing up and down. That was a sign he was nervous.

"Isn't it obvious? I would move heaven and earth for this man. I have given up so much for this man. My career, I have turned down opportunities that have arisen because I wanted him to achieve his dream. The one time he is supposed to be by my side, he isn't. He has never genuinely cared about what any of this means to me. Yet, I'm the one that has been wounded by this whole thing." I spoke.

I looked at Edward as I said it, who didn't have the balls to look at me at all. He had tried many times over the last two weeks to talk to me, but I shut him down. Everything that should have been said should have been done at the hospital, not days later.

"It's noticeably clear why he is here now. The public think it's wonderful that the President of the United States is there for his wounded First Lady. More votes for the next term." I added sarcastically as I rolled my eyes.

Edward turned to me with a face of fire that would make Satan shit himself.

"I am here because you are my wife and I love you." I snorted at such a stupid comment. Love me my ass.

"You don't love me. You love having a woman who people like to help with your popularity." I retorted. I had seen the papers, comments on twitter etc. most of them were kind and wishing me well.

"Bella, please let Edward expand on his answer and thoughts." Eleazer interrupted. I huffed and crossed my arms but remained silent so Edward could explain more if his bullshit.

"Do you know how much guilt I feel? Not just about the shooting but about everything? Losing our child, putting you in that situation in the first place? All of it? It eats me up inside. I can't think of anything worse in this world than losing you. Then to find out I not only could have lost you, but our child too. The pain I feel just thinking about it is unbearable."

"I do love you, Bella. More than anything and anyone. I have never been grateful for the sacrifices you have made, and I understand that. But seeing you lying in a hospital bed, in there because of me, losing our child because of me, I've no right to be there by your side because everything is my fault."

I stared at him stunned. I never would have guessed that this is what Edward would be thinking or feeling. I genuinely believed that being President was more important than being by his wife's side.

"But I wanted you there." I murmured. "Regardless of how any of it happened, I wanted you there. Your eyes were the first thing I should've seen when I woke up. You should have been the one to tell me about our baby, not Alice. You know that if it were the other way round NOBODY would have got me to leave your side."

"I know that Bella and I understand completely why you are angry. But please also look at it from my perspective. I'm the reason Jacob was there, I put you in that situation. You must understand the guilt I'm feeling from all this. I know I have never really taken your feelings and thoughts into consideration. I know no amount of apologises is going to fix anything but our love for each other is too much to throw away." Edward replied.

My heart would melt at things he was saying but my head was the one telling me to keep strong. It was just what he wanted me to hear so we could go back to DC and put on the normal charade.

"I think we can all agree that there is a great deal of guilt that Edward feels." Eleazer interrupted, "Right, Bella?" I nodded. I could see that perspective easily. The rest was hard to understand.

"I get the guilt. I understand it perfectly. What I don't understand is the reason to stay away. I would never have left his side for one minute. I'd have had to have been dragged away by Alice or family before I'd leave. You could have apologised there and then, explained all this then and it would be easy to forgive." I replied.

Edward shifted, looking right at me instead of at the floor. It was the first time he had made eye contact with me since the therapy session began.

"Think of everything you have just said. You changed your whole life for me, and I have never been grateful for it. I know from Alice the way you felt when you first found out you were pregnant and that kills me. I guess, I just needed time to think. To get my head out of my ass." Edward said.

"Can you begin to see where he is coming from Bella?" Eleazer asked me. My heart could see it and wanted to forgive but my head wanted me to be stubborn. The alarm bell rang from Eleazer's desk signalling our time was up. Thank God as I wasn't sure how to answer his last question.

"That's our session over for now. I know you may not feel like it Bella, but please try and spend some time with Edward. Listen to him. Edward, be true and tell her everything she needs to know. You listen too." Eleazer stated as we stood up.

We arrange an appoint for a few days' time and shook hands as we left. The motorcade was waiting for us as they found it safer for us to travel together, even though Jacob was no longer a threat. But they didn't know if he was working with others, so we had to be on our guard.

As we headed back to the house, in complete silence, I pondered over what Eleazer said. I know Edward feels guilty and I have accepted the guilt, but the abandonment is something I'm struggling to get over. I used to feel as though we were equal, together, our love was undeniable. But now I'm not sure what to believe.

"Do you want to get some dinner?" Edward said, pulling me out of my thoughts.

I looked at him for the first time since getting in the car. He looked worn out and yet still so handsome. I contemplated his request. My instinct was to say no, to continue to punish him but I remembered what Eleazer said.

"Sure, that would be great." I replied, hoping what Eleazer requested was going to help. After going through everything over the last week, since starting therapy, I realised divorce wasn't something I wanted. The thought of it now churned my stomach.

I just wanted my voice to be heard. My feelings to be understood and for Edward to understand the sacrifices I have made. Ever since his campaign for presidency, I have felt so left out and second best. But I never truly voiced my feelings and thoughts, so I do feel somewhat to blame for Edward not truly realising my feelings on the matter.

Communication was key in a marriage, and we needed to get better at it.

After dinner, I headed towards the library. Following therapy, I felt like I needed to take my mind off everything and there was nothing better than an enjoyable book to lose yourself in. As I curled up in the armchair in front of the fire reading Pride and Prejudice, my mind just couldn't get over what had been said in therapy today. I guess the brooding nature of Darcy was reminding me of the brooding man in my life.

The door creaked open just as put the book down in front of me.

"Got a minute?" Edward asked quietly, like he was trying not to disturb the peace and quiet. I nodded and he came further into the room, sitting in the armchair across from me. The fire flickered over his face, lighting up his emerald, green eyes I loved so much.

"I just wanted to say thank you. Thank you for listening and understanding my guilt. I know you don't get why I wasn't there, and I know it will take a lot of apologises and time before you probably can. All I am asking is that we try. I love you too much to let you go." He stated.

I studied his face as he made his speech. I looked into the eyes and could see how worn out he was. I could read him like a book and could tell that he meant everything he was saying. I understood and accepted that our love was too great to let go. I couldn't see myself growing old without or not having him by my side.

It may sound pathetic to others, who would sign papers and divorce his ass, but I was a hopeless romantic and I was unconditionally and irrevocably in love him.

"I understand Edward, I just need to time to forgive and move on, I guess. I just feel like my feelings and opinions have never been heard. I have been pushed to the side ever since you began to campaign for the presidency and made to feel like second best. I understand it's a very demanding and difficult job, but you are only president for eight years. I will be there for the rest of your life." I replied. It felt good to finally admit things. Like a burden lifting from my shoulders.

Edward sighed and rubbed his face, "I get that and I'm so sorry," he lifted his head and looked me straight in the eyes, emerald meeting chocolate, "and that is why I have decided to step down as President of the United States."

My jaw dropped in absolute shock. What the fuck.