AN: So, I'm not a shipper, I just love the characters, I don't really have any favorites, besides the Halstead brothers:-) . It was always so strange how Erin never seemed to know anything about Jay's past... She was seeing dr. Charles after her ordeal, Jay...nothing... There's a lot of backstory to explore and fill in;-).
He hadn't answered her when she'd asked him if he was okay, just told her he was glad it was her that was sent in to get him. She'd been dazed, the adrenaline dump was making her falter, the blood on her hands making it hard to see straight.
The sticky blood could have been his, or even hers, they'd almost been killed. Erin had killed a man with her bare hands.
Voight had conditions she had to accept for her to be able to return, she would live with him again.
The shaking had started later, when most of the blood had been washed off her hands, when she was standing in the locker room at the station, changing into a t-shirt without any blood on it.
That was when she realized he hadn't answered her.
Walking back to Voight's office she was adamant about going to Med to see Jay. She needed to know he was okay; he'd looked so broken sitting there at the back of the ambulance.
She'd failed him.
Her hands shook as she opened the door. Hank was sitting in his chair, still doing paperwork. This case had been hard on everyone, even him.
"I need to see him," Erin blurted out, she couldn't get there fast enough.
Hank looked up at her, face still neutral but she could tell he was thinking about what to say to her, weighing his words.
"Is he okay?" When he didn't answer her immediately.
"He's resting… Will is there." Hank got up and walked to the front of his desk leaning on it as he crossed his arms.
"So, I still need to see him, Hank…." Erin felt desperate, eyes stinging as she felt tears well up.
"Erin…he's fine, I stopped by him earlier. You know Will…. he, uh… made it clear that no one is going there tonight."
"What!? Come on, Will isn't his keeper, he can't do that!" Erin knew this wasn't going to help her with Voight. He didn't like their relationship, his venomous words about her coming to save her boyfriend was still fresh in her mind.
"Erin…Will is calling the shots right now, Jay will be fine. You can see him later. Right now, we're going home, you are detoxing, you have enough to worry about." Hank looked at her expectantly and Erin knew she had no leverage at all. He had her, if she wanted back, she needed to listen and do as he said.
"Tomorrow then, I'm calling him…" Erin turned and got her phone out of her pocket, finding Jay's number a bit further back in her call history then she remembered.
"Erin, he's resting, come on, he's been though hell. Will is with him," Voight snatched the phone out of her still shaking hands.
She was stunned, but she also knew she had been defeated. She wouldn't be able to see or talk to Jay tonight. It was almost midnight anyway; she would have to wait until tomorrow to see him.
She accepted her fate as Hank put his arm around her back, steering her to the stairs and out of the district, his arm heavy and warm.
She hardly got any sleep that night. If it was because she was in withdrawal or because Jay was on her mind still, she didn't know. Voight had made her turn her phone off and promise to not try to call Jay.
Tossing and turning she couldn't get rid of the sight of him, bloodied and beaten, out of her mind. He hadn't answered her! He was always fine, at least that's what he claimed. Her mind conjured up nightmares when she finally got some shut eye, making her wake up in a cold sweat with his name on her lips.
She got up early, showering, hopeful about finally seeing Jay she slipped down to the kitchen. Hank was an early riser and was already there, having his breakfast, coffee already made.
"Did you sleep well?" He asked, probably already knowing the answer as he took a long look at Erin.
"I'm fine, going over to the hospital to see Halstead. "
Using his last name to try and take some feelings out of her statement, but it felt unfamiliar to call him that.
"Okay," take my car," he pushed his keys across the table, holding her gaze, gauging her.
"Thanks, I'll come to the district after. Thanks Hank." Elated she skipped breakfast, making her way out to the car. Food could wait, she needed to see Jay for herself, to apologize, to tell him how much he really meant to her, that she'd screwed up.
Hurrying through the corridors, she used her star badge for what it was worth, she managed to get the receptionist to tell her where her partner was. Skidding to a halt at the nurses' station, on the floor he was on, she was out of luck.
Visiting hours and policy was strict in the ICU so they didn't let her in to see him. Will had made them promise to not let anyone in to visit him until he was back and as Jay's next of kin they complied to his wishes.
Erin didn't know what to do, angry at Will she tried calling him but all she got was voicemail.
"Hey, I need to see him, it's urgent, there's a case we're working on….and…he's…I just need to…" Erin didn't know what lie she could come up with, to make the nurse standing in front of her let her in to see him.
"I'm sorry, you can't go in there, he's resting, and Dr. Halstead was very clear about anyone seeing him." The nurse's nametag said Sarah, her expression sympathetic as she tried to make Erin understand.
"You don't understand…I really need to see him." Erin felt tears on her face. She was desperate to get this person to understand.
Sarah stood still, just watching Erin as she begged again, tears flowing freely.
"Okay, listen, you can see him for a minute, but don't wake him up, he just fell asleep." Sarah said, taking a hold of Erin's arm steering, her in the direction of where Erin hoped Jay was.
Coming up to the glass door she could see a lump under the blankets that had to be him.
"He was restless and in pain, so I gave him some more morphine a few minutes ago, he's finally sleeping," Sarah whispered as she opened the door, careful not to make any sounds.
Erin entered the room holding her breath. Jay was on his side, the blanket covering him moving with every breath he took. The dark bruises made his skin look chalk white; she could make out his slightly parted pink lips in the dimly lit room. He looked peaceful, asleep. The blips and beeps from the monitors not disturbing him.
She had caused this. Erin remembered Voigt's words spoken in anger, about missing a set of eyes when Jay had been abducted. Guilt raised up her throat making it harder to breathe.
Her tears didn't stop flowing, blurring her vision. Sarah got a paper towel for her, "he's doing okay you know?" She offered along with the paper, whispering.
"Yeah…. it's just…yeah, he'll be alright," she whispered, not taking her eyes off him.
"Come on, you've seen him for yourself now, lets get you out of here before Will shows up." Sarah smiled, ushering Erin out of there.
She turned at the door looking back at Jay one last time before leaving.
Tbc?