Alicia

With Martha gone we found it difficult to keep going. Things were still changing between us. It was getting harder and harder to be a part from each other but at the same time we were sharing memories by accident that we never wanted to share.

Sleeping in the same room had become normal otherwise we would share each others nightmares. At least we knew no one was watching as we slept.

If one of us was in pain we both were, sometimes it was difficult to work out who was in pain first but I had the feeling it was usually me.

Staying distracted was getting difficult, we were obsessed with each others safety checking up on each other every five minutes. It felt like we were beginning to turn into one person.

When I was still on Earth I was content for him to visit just once a week. Now it was like I had to have him every day. I needed contact, I needed him to touch me. I found if he was restless all I had to do was find his inner elbow. He wouldn't let me do it very often. I wish he would, he leaves it to long before I'm allowed to touch him.

He tries to hide from me but I think he knows I can feel the difference when I touch him, just like when he touches me. It's like a drug. We've become addicted to each other.

Something I struggled with terribly was when I had my first period. Considering all the other things I had to think about I had completely forgotten I was still human and had to deal with these things. Unfortunately Martha had left already but I could tell the Doctor found out as soon as I did. Being almost the same person I wasn't surprised that he knew something was wrong. I was surprised he knew what it was. He didn't even have to ask when he came in. I guess he didn't want to make things weird and left before coming back with a few things. He helped me work out how to use them and then we went to bed. I woke up a few hours later in serious pain but he said it was normal for some people and got me some painkillers and a hot water bottle before we settled down again.

It was weird to begin with but after going through it a few times we got the hang of it. After all I began to realise I wasn't the only one going through strange cravings and the odd bit off pain when it happened. Sometimes we'd feel sick, I'd get so dizzy we'd both be in bed for days. We'd often get cramps at the same time, it was definitely not normal. The Doctor said we should try and just sleep through it.

Doctor

I don't want help. I don't deserve it. At least that's what I think. I know Alicia feels differently.

I also knew that staying away from Alicia isn't just bad for me, it's bad for her to.

If I felt the same way Alicia does, if I could only forgive myself a tiny bit it would make things easier. For now I'll get on with my favourite pastime. I know Alicia will find me eventually.

Alicia

As usual I found him in the control room, just as I knew I would. "Here, let me." I move towards him but he pulls away. "You know you'll feel better if you let me do it. I'll feel better to." I try to bribe him.

He sighs and pulls up his sleeve. I kneel down to where he's been working and let my fingers dance over his elbow. He relaxes immediately. His whole body shifts and I know if I do it to long that he'll fall asleep. That has happened before, to both of us. I feel more restful in myself as well. It's been two weeks since he let me do this last. I don't know if he's trying to make up for something but what I do know is that he's torturing himself inside. I stop just before he gets too tired to stand up and sit next to him. "You leave it to long. Eventually, it's going to be to late and we'll be no good to each other."

He sighs in his half wakened state. "I know. I shouldn't do that to you."

"You shouldn't do it to yourself either."

"I can't help it." I look at my hands.

"Why not? You say that every time but you never tell me why." I can hear the frustration in Alicia's voice.

"You're to young, you shouldn't know."

"I'm eighteen and I've been you're Guandan since I was seven. I'm legally allowed to drink and get married now. You need to tell me." He considered it for a few minutes.

"I'm a murderer." I can tell that's not quite true. But he believes it.

"That's not it is it. Tell me more." He sighed resignedly.

"There was a war. It was huge, you wouldn't be able to imagine it. It was between my people and the Daleks. There were to many deaths, I couldn't see a winner and I took it upon myself to end the war."

"That's the simple version isn't it."

"The main point is that I murdered billions of people."

"So you're going to make up for that by not letting me help you when you most need it? I don't think that's going to do anyone any good. Especially not us."

My Guandan went silent and refused to tell me any more. I was lucky to have him say this much. I could tell he was about to fall asleep and got him to go to bed. I got in the bed as well.