Alicia

I'm moping around trying to work out my life at the moment. I can't tell Rose any more than I've already told her and I've had to swear her to secrecy as it is. But a father? Do I really want him, this man with the crazy grin as a dad? I know hardly anything about him! In all the four years that I've lived with him he's barely talked about himself. Every time I try to get him to talk about his life he changes the conversation. I know more about repairing the TARDIS. I remember when he told me we were married, which he denied. Actually if I admit it I was the one who insisted we were 'together', he only told me to imagine it. I'm so confused right now! He said the accident was from a marriage ritual, the Amorans didn't exactly deny it. They didn't say it wasn't either... They only said it was a relationship that tied each other together for protection. I think, I want to think that. I can't really remember what they said anymore and we didn't go to see them when we started getting each others injuries, maybe we should have done that. I, I know what I thought and I never really payed attention to what the truth could be? Everything, all this, it's my fault isn't it. I just assumed straight away that we were... Now I'm just trying to make excuses. I told Martha that he was the only family I had left. Not partner or husband, family. So even then the idea of him being my dad could've been in my mind... I always knew things weren't what I was telling myself. I would tell myself to hate him, that everything was his fault. That he kidnapped me. I willingly walked into this place, I even suggested it! I don't even know what he did wrong anymore. Because he didn't, because everything's my bloody fault! I watch the tears fall on my hands. One after the other seep into my skin. After a while I dry my eyes and practice putting on a smile. The Doctor and Rose are out at the moment doing who knows what but they'll be back soon. so I drag my body up from the small corner I'd been hiding in to find some hot chocolate cake, my favourite food at the moment. Some tea wouldn't go amiss either. I snorted. Tea and cake, it sounds so English. I remember Rose putting on her posh accent, I couldn't breath from laughing so much. I wish I could go to bed but I would need the Doctor for that. The man who didn't even know what I'd done to him. How many times had I shouted at him that everything was his fault, that I hated him? I wish I could just walk out of those stupid double doors. I could run away but that could be worse than me staying because of what happens when we're at a distance from each other. The last time I went outside those doors I'd been arrested and sent to a mental hospital. I sighed. I didn't even know what year it was out there, or even if we were on the same planet I was born on. Being arrested was the least of my problems... and now my cake was gone. So I stood and stared at the now empty plate I was holding, still in my pyjamas.

"But seriously a werewolf!"

"I know!"

I heard the voices echoing off the metal walls I'd grown used to. I didn't move.

"Ally listen to..." Rose paused there and put a hand on my shoulder. I still didn't move. "What's wrong?" I still didn't move, I just said "My cakes gone." A tear dropped onto the plate.

"Doctor can you leave us alone for a while?" She began to steer me to the kitchen where she sat me down and started to heat up some more cake. "Give it to me, what's wrong?"

So I poured out what I could in one breath broken up with the odd sob. "Well it's my birthday tomorrow and I couldn't help thinking about...well you know and then the Doctor and Martha and you and everything and the, how I, he never but I, it's all my fault Rose!" She hugged me as well as she could with half a plate full of cake in the way.

"It's your birthday tomorrow?" I nodded meekly.

"My twenty first."

"Well we've got to do something then, maybe the Doctor could take us somewhere special." I shook my head.

"I don't want to go anywhere important. Anyway I haven't been outside in almost three years."

"Well every twenty one year old has to get a drink on their birthday. How about that?"

"Alright, but the Doctors not coming. The last time I went outside with him we were arrested because the police thought I was taken for human trafficking. That was on my birthday to. It was the time we had chips that I told you about."

"That was your birthday!"

"Mm. It was a really bad birthday."

"Then he's not invited. I'll take you to my mum's and we can go for a drink at the pub down the road."I gave a weak smile.

"Okay."