Pii: Thanks for giving it a try! :D Glad you're enjoying it!

Hallconen: Cracky, isn't it? Makes me cringe…I'm always asking for things, and being a painfully pushy person with outrageous demands XD These ideas just hit me and won't leave me alone until I get them out. And if you drew something in the midst of your busy schedule, fellow LawSan shipper, I'd just collapse with undying gratitude! :'D

6: Lessons in Conversation

"To be honest, I'm probably not the right person to ask for these types of things," Sanji said, stirring a large mixing bowl of pasta before adding sauce. From there, he combined it with meatballs, spread some cheese over it, and then presented the platter to Law with a heavy exhale. Around him, most of the kitchen workers 'ooh'ed and 'ah'ed, Law's nose working with careful action as he inhaled the scent from the platter.

Sanji watched with disgust as the Beast pushed the platter up to his face, eating everything sloppily and hungrily, spilling pasta, sauce and meatball chunks everywhere. Corazon gave a low groan of embarrassment, he and Doflamingo perched on the kitchen island.

"It's like watching you maul a small baby!" he hollered out, Sanji looking at him oddly. "This is not proper!"

Sanji kicked the platter while it was still in Law's face, the metal clanging sound ringing out over the kitchen as Law stumbled backwards, giving a pained shout. But when the platter dropped, he was wearing most of his meal over his face and mane, and Sanji sucked in his lips because his face started to shift. The urge to chuckle caught there in his throat, but he swallowed it down with one hand over his mouth.

"WHY DID YOU DO THAT?" Law bellowed with outrage before sneezing, spewing out noodles and chunks of meat over Sanji, who reacted with disgust.

"First off, moron, I'm pretty sure there is NO ONE ON THIS EARTH THAT WILL THINK YOU'RE ATTRACTIVE WHILE YOU EAT LIKE THIS!" Sanji ended in a bellow, kicking him before wiping his face and neck. "It's fucking gross!"

"I'm HUNGRY."

"Learn to control yourself!" Sanji snapped at him, crouching to pick up the fallen pieces of pasta, dropping it all back on to the platter. Law shoved him away and ate again, cramming everything into his mouth while Sanji caught himself and stared at him with utter disgust. But Law ate everything off the floor and on the kitchen island, licking the sauce bowl clean.

He then burped noisily, the Donquixote brothers both offering disgusted expressions. "It was too filmy," Law complained, wiping his muzzle with both palms and licking them clean. "And the pasta was overcooked. The sauce tasted too much like fucking tomatoes."

"And yet, you cleaned your fucking plate," Sanji pointed out, rising to his feet, brushing himself off.

"Only because I didn't get a chance to go hunting this morning," Law grumbled, finding pieces of meat in his mane and eating those, too.

"You leave the grounds?" Sanji asked curiously.

"The hunters are more focused on what's happening inside the walls, rather than outside," Law explained, licking his muzzle again. "Is that it? That's all you made?"

"I made enough to serve six people. I'll take that into account next time," Sanji said, exhaling heavily as he surveyed the mess that was made. But he was secretly pleased because, despite the scene, Law had finished it all.

Law snorted, dragging his fingers over his fur, finding more bits and pieces and eating those as well. "Well, good thing, because it smells in here – "

"DON'T COMPLAIN WHEN YOU ATE EVERYTHING!" Sanji shouted at him, kicking him in the leg. Law shouted with pain, backing away, bumping into various things as he reached down to grab his leg. Huffing, Sanji started gathering all the pots and pans he'd used to make dinner with, and set them into a full sink, looking at the pot that dumped hot water into the space. He was still getting used to who was a worker and who wasn't.

"First off, let's work on your goddamn attitude," he grumbled, dumping soap into the water and then testing it.

"It pretty much sucks," Doflamingo said. "I take responsibility for it. I've warped him into a miniature version of myself. Unfortunately, no one can take me seriously in this state, so my effective ways weren't as influential."

"You need to stop doing that," Corazon told him.

"I know my attitude sucks, but how do you change something you've always been?" Law asked with a frustrated snarl, walking around Sanji as he did the dishes. With his height, he could see where Sanji was still wearing parts of his meal, so he began plucking pasta he found on his shirt, his hair. Sanji looked at him with surprise, disturbed that this Beast would eat the foods he'd sneezed out at him.

"First off, think before you speak," Sanji said, scrubbing hard. "If it's a shitty comment, don't say it. If it's a nice comment, then go ahead, say it."

After some silent moments, Sanji looked over to see if Law was listening, and saw that the Beast was just standing there, glaring at him.

"If you have something to say, say it!" Sanji snapped at him.

"It's not nice, that's why I'm not saying it!"

"We are going to die, that's all there is to it," Doflamingo told Corazon as they continued to snap at each other. "Did you dig your own grave?"

"I want to face the sun, that's all that I ask."

"Let's go out to the gardens, have the shovels start on our plots."

"You two are not allowed to do that!" Law snarled at them, overhearing them. "I am going to succeed at this, since this is basically ALL YOUR FAULT!"

"It's only the first day, so I suppose we'll start off this way," Sanji said, rinsing everything off and setting them in the drying rack. He drew back with startled action as it began drying things off and moving around, putting dishes back into their proper stacking order. "Right now, if you two have nothing better to offer, then please, see your shitty selves out that fucking door because you're not helping. Fucking assholes."

"Why are you so angry?" Doflamingo asked, hands on his 'hips'. "You're giving my boy lessons on being a better person, but you're just as much a shitty person yourself!"

"If you don't want my help, then don't fucking sneak me away from my job in the middle of the afternoon! Cook was forced to close down early!" Sanji snapped at them, turning to face them. "When Rayleigh discovers that I'm gone, what's he going to do? Or think? I know he's going to look for me!"

"Don't worry about it. Diamante has you covered," Doflamingo said. "Old men are curious about things, so Diamante's team led him off into a merry race through the forest looking for clues."

Sanji lifted his eyebrow. "Should I be concerned about it?"

"No. The end result is…unimportant."

Both of them hopped off the counter and headed upstairs, talking about their cemetery plots. When they reached the family room, Doflamingo hollered out for everyone to gather together – they were going to talk about their graveyard facing the rising sun. At their frustrated shouts and threats, Sanji looked back at Law to see how he was taking it, and the Beast growled, fur ruffling at his head and neck, claws tightened into fists. Clearly, no one had any hope in him.

"Look, ignore them. What else about my attitude should I fix?" Law asked, forcing Sanji to face him.

"First off, you can't be pushy," Sanji said, peeling his fingers off him and stepping back. "Level yourself away from this high and mighty…thing…you have going on, and just…sit back and listen. Observe."

Law nodded with a frown, absently plucking at a dark tuft of hair at his chin. "Sit back and listen. Observe."

"Look at body language. What does it say when you walk into a room? And ask yourself, should I mirror this behavior, just to show that they can't expect me to sit back and take their shitty abuse? Or reflect something completely opposite?"

"I see," Law said, nodding. "Mirror body language to show comraderie."

Sanji bracketed his mouth with his index fingers, pushing the corners of his mouth up since he couldn't smile on his own. "The best way to look inviting is with a smile, talking with a light tone. That makes anybody feel comfortable enough to approach you."

Law frowned as Sanji stood there. He was speaking with such a bland expression, as if human behavior bored him. "You are none of these."

"I don't feel inviting, so I'm not going to show any of these approachable signs. Now – you smile, try for sociable. Let me see what I'm working with."

Law cleared his throat, looking up at the skylights, hissing, eyes narrowed as he tried visualizing himself being approachable. He shifted about restlessly, trying to relax his shoulders, to look non-threatening. There was no way about it, through – he was an eight foot tall monster with vicious fangs, with dangerous horns, and unsettling eyes that were capable of nightmares. He exhaled forcefully with a building growl, scowling at him.

"Never mind about the smile," Sanji decided, wiping his hands on his apron before removing it and setting it aside. Without a fire made, the castle was freezing cold, and he put his cloak back on. The kitchen was somewhat warmed with the candles lit and the stove on earlier, but the chill was still painful. "Let's work on your body language. Stand up straight, shoulders back, and… approach me. Let's see how this works."

He walked to the other end of the kitchen and crossed his arms tightly, watching as Law figured out this step with an uncomfortable expression of his own. He turned to face Sanji, then walked over to him, looking moments away from mauling him. Sanji shook his head tightly, then demonstrated his own words, acting them out.

"Instead of walking like you're going to fuck shit up, stand up straight. Open your chest in their direction. Face them directly."

Law tried, but he couldn't mimic that sort of body language. He was too big, too hunched, and years of skulking around had left him with a predatory stroll, light on his feet for quick movement. He gave up almost instantly with another frustrated expression and a growl.

"If you approach a possible love interest like this, they're going to run far away from you, dumbass! Think of it – if you saw a person approaching you like this, how would you feel?"

Law growled, then straightened up. "Like they want to be fucked up, that's what!"

Sanji studied him for a few moments, then asked curiously, "Have you ever been in a fight?"

Law sat down. "Haah? Plenty of times."

"As a kid," someone mumbled.

"Around here, he just throws things, or breaks them."

"Actual human confrontation is a 'no'."

Law flipped the middle finger towards the appliances that snickered.

"I thought so," Sanji murmured. "Well, I guess it helps if you look and sound menacing to avoid confrontation…"

Sitting with a 'huff', Law glared at him, crossing his arms tightly over his chest. This slender human wasn't giving him much room to move – for as young as he was, Sanji had the demeanor of an old man. His face was cynical, eyes rimmed with scorn, and he spoke with a droll, disinterested manner. His body language was closed off, and he forced himself to open up, making every one of his actions stiff. Taking lessons from him seemed a little absurd.

"What about you? Do you fight?" Law asked with a sullen frown.

"Yes, as a matter of fact. Anyone that insults my cooking or disregards cook's hard work gets these feet."

"People have a right to disagree with you," Law pointed out, tail slapping on the floor. Sanji glared at him.

"I make great food from the barest of ingredients, and I - !"

"So what if you do? If someone doesn't like something, they shouldn't have to be forced into enjoying it," Law snapped back at him.

"Then people should tell me what they do like so I can fucking accommodate them! I don't have to do this, you know! I can just go back home and let you figure this shit out on your own - !"

"Oh, so, since someone else has a different opinion than you, then you can't handle it? It's your way or no way at all? So you want to punish me for not sharing your opinion? Is that it? Well, FINE! GO AHEAD AND THINK THAT WAY!" Law ended in a roar that caused Sanji major discomfort, ears ringing, but he scowled back at him as the Beast loomed over him menacingly. "But you're not going anywhere until I know more about this approachable stuff."

Sanji stared at him in silence, watching him sit back down with an air of expectation. Taking a deep breath, he muttered, "Let's try conversation."

"This is going to be good," someone commented with amusement.

"I'll pretend that I'm not scared of you, and you…keep my interest. Volley good things back to me."

"What's 'good things'?" Law asked. "For clarification purposes."

"Well, for example…How are you? I'm good, you look well, today. That sort of thing."

"Understood." With a deep breath, Law nodded, psyching himself up for the task. "Okay. I'm ready."

Sanji walked up to him, giving a flat, "Good morning."

Law frowned at him. "Why should I answer to that? You're not even showing any interest in wanting to know me, or – "

"ARGH! FINE!" Sanji cleared his throat soundly, then repeated a little falsely, "Good morning!"

Law narrowed his eyes, standing once more, snorting. "I feel you're mocking me. I'm trying to be serious about this!"

"I'm trying my best!"

"I don't see how is this inspiring me to want to conversate with you when you're being a jerk."

"I'm being the jerk? You - !"

"Why are you getting mad at me? I'm participating in this, aren't I? I AM EAGER TO LEARN AND YOU'RE BEING AN ASSHOLE ABOUT IT!"

"STOP SCREAMING AT ME!"

"I'm going to ask that you take your lessons elsewhere, because my ears hurt," one of the appliances complained.

"Yeah, go somewhere else!"

Minutes later, Sanji looked around himself with an awestruck expression – there were so many books that his mind was blown at the sight of them. All the walls around him were filled with shelves upon shelves of books. The library had long floor to ceiling windows, a fireplace set within the wall that was decorated with fairytale characters chasing each other. He'd thought the family room was impressive – looking at a couple of shelves, he saw books on weapons, war, medicinal purposes. There were many containing maps, and animals, land, plants, clothing – most of them outdated but gorgeously bound. The curtains here were still intact, barely allowing sunlight in, so it was cold, and he shivered as Law sat down within the center of the room with an impatient huff.

"Try again, with effort," Law told him, frowning at him. "If I'm supposed to give a passable answer, I ask for passable effort."

"Fine, that's fair," Sanji mumbled, turning to him while hugging himself. He paused in front of him, trying to work his mouth into an adequate smile. Law frowned at him, snuffling with impatience. Sanji then smiled with obvious strain, saying, "Good morning!"

"Good morning."

"It's a beautiful day, isn't it?"

Law closed his mouth, unable to think of a proper answer. Some came to mind, but he thought they were over done; others weren't enough to be impressive. Plus, he didn't exactly care about the weather, so answering it was pointless. Then he thought about a question in return, and the entire conversation was out of order, so he froze, mouth opening and closing, and Sanji lifted a curled eyebrow as he waited.

"On your way to the market?" Sanji pressed.

"Uh…no. I'm…I'm…on my way to…uh, well," Law scrunched his face with concentration, struggling to remember the landmarks of the town, "that place, in the center, uh, to…the wishing well. Yes. I'm going to the wishing well."

Sanji pictured the well in the center of town, were kids threw in their treasured items, certain that every wish was granted. "Oh? You are? What do you plan on wishing for?"

Law frowned at him. "It's a fucking secret."

"You fuck head, that's how conversations start. From there, it matters how you carry them! What you say depends on how interesting you present yourself to attract attention, and therefore, attracting a potential mate!"

"You're not even – this is going to be impossible," Law muttered, ruffling his fur, then clutching his horns with both hands. "I don't know what to say to people."

Sanji frowned, blowing into his hands. With a mutter, he said, "I told you I wasn't the right person for this…but I'm trying, okay?"

"Well, we're both fucked. Do you know anyone else that's more…people friendly?"

"My friend, Ussop."

"Maybe he should be here, then."

"I don't think so," Sanji said, thinking of Ussop's reaction. The scaredy cat would most likely give himself a heart attack upon seeing Law. His lips curled with the thought. "Just seeing you would chase the ghost right out of him. He's terrified of his own shadow."

Law studied him for a few moments, then asked curiously, "What makes him your 'friend'?"

"Well, he…notices when I'm feeling down, and he tries to cheer me up. I feel that if I ever needed him, he will always make it a point to be there for me. I don't feel so alone with him," Sanji confessed low, smiling a little.

"Your…fiancé, he makes you feel the same way?"

Sanji's expression closed up. The bland face was back, and he said nothing for a few moments. "I…he is my duty, and that's it. Zeff traded…me for a horse."

"Like a piece of property?" Law asked, narrowing his eyes, bristling.

Sanji didn't say anything, looking down at the faded rug, debating on even delving into his personal thoughts and feelings. But with it being so fresh in his thoughts, over his heart, he felt unguarded because of the hurt.

"Then, why should we try to find him?" Law asked with a disgusted expression, standing up to pace the rug before sitting again, legs in front of him. "Doffy hates slavers."

"I didn't feel like a slave, but I didn't feel like…he would do this," Sanji mumbled. "And Rayleigh, he…I thought of him as a sort of 'uncle', and…I don't want to talk wrong of it, but I don't feel that it's right."

"Then why do it?"

"Because it's my duty!"

"To whom?"

Sanji had nothing to say for those moments, a little perplexed.

"You're a weak minded fool," Law then decided, standing up again. "It's easy to say 'no'. I do it all the time."

"Stop being so damn childish!"

"NO!" Law snapped, then grinned.

Sanji looked away with his lips pursed. "You're ridiculous."

"What's ridiculous are those eyebrows."

"What's ridiculous is your fucking immaturity."

"Haah?" Law frowned at him, walking around with a scowl. "Now you're just being insulting. Doffy says that if one is feeling angry, to 'go take a shit'. Maybe you should do that and come back here in a better mood."

"That is absurd!" Sanji laughed. "If you're having intestinal issues, it's your poor diet, not a mood changer."

"Well, why don't you try it and report back to me."

"I'm not talking with you my shitting issues," Sanji exclaimed incredulously. "How stupid. We are way off track, here. How did we even get on this subject, this is entirely inappropriate."

"I have no idea. Now. Ready."

Sanji shook his head, putting away his amusement. "Okay. Don't fuck it up, this time. Good afternoon."

Law settled himself in front of him, considering his much lighter expression. When Sanji smiled, he looked his age, but his eyes still looked tired. "Good afternoon. How is…your puppy?"

Sanji was amused at the random question. "He's well behaved, and quite ready to lead the herd on his own."

"You should…let me pet him." Law glowered at Sanji when the teen snickered. "What."

"I…I'm sorry. That's…that's a great example of friendly conversation, I just…had the picture of you petting someone's dog, and just…in that form…"

"SO?"

"Okay, okay. Ahem. Let's move on to something else. I…I like, uh, your shirt. Who made it for you?"

Law looked down at himself, frowning at the dirtied, holey purple shirt that Sanji realized was from the room downstairs – the curtains. He brushed his hair behind his ear, saying quickly, "It's a nice color."

"…This is stupid."

Sanji realized that he'd hit a sensitive topic. Those eyes said a lot as they narrowed, that muzzle curling. "…I'm sorry."

"If I say all that stuff to someone, they're just going to laugh at me," Law muttered. His hands balled into fists, and his breathing started to grow heavy. His fur bristled, and Sanji compared to watching a dog's hackles rise. Teeth were bared, and those eyes seemed to darken – he stepped back cautiously, trying to assess the situation. "This is so fucking dumb. This is all Doflamingo's fault!"

With that, he turned and upturned the nearby coffee table, sending it flying. After that was the couch, which he picked up over his head and threw against the wall furthest from him. Sanji was frightened because his rage seem to grow as he stood there, so he turned and ran out, hearing something smash and crash to the floor. But he didn't run away, like he wanted to. He paused halfway down, forcing himself to a stop. Then stood in the stairway, picking at his nails, hearing all the curses and harsh breathing and the breaking of things. From the bottom of the stairway, he watched as various objects peeked around the corner with concern, murmuring to themselves.

When he heard the last of it, Sanji slowly ventured back up, looking in cautiously. Furniture lay in broken pieces, and wood littered the rug,but the shelves were untouched. He stepped in glass, and Law looked over with an upset expression, a little surprised that he was still there.

"We're definitely going to have to work on that," Sanji said calmly. "Throwing fits won't attract anyone to you."

"I get so fucking frustrated - ! Okay? What the fuck am I supposed to do?"

"Don't give up," Sanji said, sitting carefully at the edge of the upturned couch. "You can do this."

Breathing heavily, struggling for control, Law just stared at the carpet. Sanji wondered what he looked like as a man, unsure of which one of the children in the Great Hall that he was. He supposed he would have to ask, but not for today. He felt sympathy for the boy that didn't get a chance to grow up, and he wondered if Zeff had seen that, too.

"C'mon. One more hour of polite conversation – "

"I'm done," Law muttered turning and making his way towards the stairway, saying nothing more after that. Sanji watched him go, exhaling heavily. He looked around himself, taking in the sight of the mess, and watched as various cleaning tools entered the room. Brooms swept, hammers and nails came together, moving dollies and what looked like gaudy horseshoe coattrees picked up what they could. Some of the stuff was carried out, while firewood was created from some of the unsavables.

"Thank you for today, Sanji," Doflamingo said, coming up to him, leaping to rest atop of an upturned coffee table. "It's been awhile since Law was able to talk to someone that wasn't us. Zeff didn't give us very much by way of conversation. So, on that note, when and where will the wedding be?"

Sanji furrowed his brow. "Why?"

"We let you into our home, and we think of you as our friend," Doflamingo said.

At the thought of having various inanimate objects standing around while he married Rayleigh, Sanji felt his lips twitch. "We haven't picked the venue, yet. But I'll let you know."

"As also thanks to Zeff, for doing that thing he did for the past four years. We know how…frustrated…Law gets, and while we've done what we can, having people like you come in and treat him humanely is something he needs," Doflamingo said. "We're rooting for him."

Sanji thought about his words, feeling his sympathy expand for the Beast. He nodded. "I'll do my best."

: :

In his room, Law paced. He felt helplessly angry and frustrated, and his blood boiled. He felt like an idiot for participating in such a stupid conversation with Sanji, and every time the teen spoke to him, he felt stupid. He had a feeling that Sanji looked down at him because he lacked maturity, because he wasn't so cultured with human interaction. All the interaction he'd had was the negative sort, when he was a child and he could get away with ridiculous things. And it was easy getting caught up in the Donquixote chaos, because everyone had a way with each other that came off as insanely stupid.

As a child, he fit right in. Now faced with someone outside the family, he felt incredibly aware of how he came across. He sat down on his bed, and then curled up with a low groan. There was no way he could charm anybody in this manner if he couldn't carry a simple conversation with Sanji without snapping.

Corazon peered in cautiously, along with Baby and Buffalo, and Law glared at them, turning his back to them as he faced the wall.

"How'd it go, today, Law?" Baby asked, venturing in. She swept a little, then gave up as they all moved towards his bed. "Did we get a lot accomplished, you big baby?"

"I hate myself."

"But Sanji was so nice to you-dyasun," Buffalo commented.

"Doesn't mean anything."

"So, we couldn't help but overhear it all," Corazon ventured slowly, hopping up onto his bed while Buffalo and Baby stood at the edge, nudging each other. "And all of us were talking…speculating…"

"About what?" Law muttered into his arms.

Baby snickered. "That you should give up looking for someone outside the castle and focus on winning Sanji."

"What?"

"Yeah! It's a great idea! You've already got him talking, and he was so nice - ! And he is pretty cute for a guy his age," Baby added.

"I don't think I can do that," Law said, sitting up, giving them a bewildered look. "And besides, he's going to be married on Saturday!"

"Will he?" Corazon asked mysteriously. "I feel that if you try and win him, it'll be easier because you don't have to start over with someone from town."

"I don't know," Law muttered, pulling his knees up awkwardly. "He's so set on marrying that guy."

"Law, we just need him to lift the curse," Baby said firmly. "That's all we need! After, when we exact our revenge on that fucking town, we'll be okay! Please!"

"Law, please-dyasun!" Buffalo begged, pushing against his leg.

"Think of it this way, Law," Corazon said, settling on the bed near him. "This is strategy – all you need to do is convince him to fall in love with you, and you can – pretend, or whatever. In the end, we get our bodies back, you get to turn human, and we can wreak havoc on those sons of bitches that did this to us!"

"I guess so," Law muttered, sitting up as he gave them a thoughtful expression. They did make sense, and he knew he wasn't going to succeed with 'approachability', anyway. Despite their headbutting, both of them could talk together. He wasn't sure about actually 'falling in love' because he hadn't seen an example for himself, but he was quite positive that it could be faked. "After all these years, I can definitely convince myself that I'm in love, only because of the newness of the concept. And he seems pretty lonely, like a little attention will go a long way."

"It can work if you just be nice to him," Corazon said firmly. "All we need to do is isolate him for ourselves in order to make this work. Baby, I need you and Jora to find all the romance drivel you guys have and bring it to Law so he can study it. Then we'll come up with a plan with the others to do something about that guy."

"We can do that!" Baby and Buffalo said, cheered.

"I'll let Doffy know your plans. He's going to be so proud of you," Corazon said, voice rising with his own pride.

"We're going to be human again!" Baby squealed as she and Buffalo hopped off the bed, moving hastily for the door.