8.
"This place is magical."
"It is. Isn't it?" Miranda tilted her head and looked up from her seat at the brunette, who casually stood against a wooden column, seemingly not minding the decreasing temperature. Miranda started to get chilly, despite the thick wool blanket she was bundled up in. Thankfully, the swing cushions gave her an extra layer of protection, so she was holding on like a champ. They were outside on the porch of an old but fully renovated cottage in the Big Indian Wilderness, only three hours of drive from New York. It was surprisingly easy to convince Andy to join the editor. The younger woman still exhausted from their morning encounter obediently followed Miranda's gentle orders about packing and making the necessary arrangements that were needed for the week long absence. The drive was quiet and uneventful, both women lost in their thoughts. Andy's mind was running circles, recalling every little detail of the day, over and over again. She had trouble processing all that happened. She did not understand the motive behind the older woman's helpful and caring acts. While she was drawn to Miranda, she just couldn't imagine that the other woman could feel the same and her anxious brain was desperately looking for some valid explanation. Miranda on the other hand, did not want to overanalyze either her own protective behavior, reserved only for those who were close to her, or her rather unexpected romantic feelings towards the younger woman. The only valid reason – midlife crisis - was not appealing and she refused to think of her age, or the fact that she recently bought a sports car she did not need.
"Winter Wonderland. That's how it was advertised. I suppose they were not exaggerating."
Andy inhaled deeply, the fresh, crisp air filled her lungs and she shivered lightly. The sun was going down, the orange–red rays waved their last goodbye before slowly disappearing behind the snow covered hills.
"No, they were not. How did you find it?"
"I didn't. My daughters… My daughters had this crazy idea to spend some time together, really together. No work, phone calls, or internet. Just us." Miranda smiled wistfully, thinking of her daughters who chose a tropical vacation over something that originally was their suggestion.
"They were truly excited about it and they insisted on arranging everything themselves. They found this place and came up with an extremely detailed plan of how we would spend our days. Unfortunately they found something better to do."
"But," she grimaced slightly, "you already know that, right? While I don't quite remember all the things I told you during my infamous breakdown, I'm sure I mentioned this. I had to."
Shoving her hands into her pockets Andy shrugged nonchalantly.
"Most of the things you were talking about didn't really make sense at that time."
Miranda frowned. "Is that so?" Andy did not miss the hurt coloring Miranda's voice. She stepped to the swing and squatting down, she placed a hand on the editor's knee.
"Miranda. You mentioned people I don't know, people who perhaps I should have, but have never heard of anyway. Events from before I was even born. But please don't presume that I wasn't listening. I was. I remember all your words but it's like a puzzle of thousand pieces. I need time to put it together. Yes, I learnt some things about you. But I am far from mastering the subject."
"The subject?"
"Yes. You."
"I'm a very simple woman darling. Easy to figure out."
"Somehow I doubt that. Even a lifetime wouldn't' be enough to do that."
"A lifetime? Now, that would be a waste."
"And again. I have my doubts. I believe you are worth a lifetime, Miranda. I would give you mine if I could."
"You witnessed possibly my most embarrassing moment in life, not only once but twice if we consider your visit in my office. Yet you're here and confessing your wish to spend more time with me. A lifetime nonetheless."
"Why is it so unbelievable? You have definitely seen my most embarrassing moment. You cried on my shoulder. I cried on yours. We are even. Besides, I said I would if I could. But unfortunately it's hardly possible.
The tone of the younger woman's voice was light, the words she delivered not so much. The night fell on them and Miranda couldn't see the younger woman's expression. Long seconds passed in silence and she was desperately trying to see through the darkness, as much literally as figuratively. Grabbing the hand resting on her knee Miranda rose to her feet, pulling Andy up and with her toward the door.
"Let's take this some place warmer. I am freezing."
She led Andy inside, straight to the couch in front of the fire place. She didn't let go, fearing that the girl might flee, or maybe she didn't want to give herself the chance to run away. Discussing emotions had never been her forte. The thought of intimacy frightened her. Yet she was ready to jump and firmly believed that Andy wouldn't let her fall. They settled on the couch and Miranda snuggled against the younger woman, pulling a soft blanket around them. Andy tensed at first then a moment later she relaxed and sneaked an arm around Miranda, resting her palm on her stomach. It did not go unnoticed by the editor who placed her own hand above it and laced their fingers together.
"Care to explain? What are you afraid of?"
"What am I afraid of? You. Me. Everything. Yesterday morning everything was matter of fact. Organized, planned. And now? Everything is so out of control, I hardly recognize myself. Honestly, Miranda I'm not sure what we are doing here. What am I doing here?"
"I'm not accustomed to these feelings either. You kissed me and I can't get that kiss out of my mind. I should be concerned about other things. More important things. My daughters. The scandal. My future at Runway. But all I can think of is that damn kiss."
"This is not about that kiss, Miranda. It's not about me. You needed someone and I was there. As they say, at the right time, in the right place. It could have been someone else. Someone with less baggage. Someone who can match your perfection. Dunno. Maybe a better kisser."
Miranda sit up and positioned herself to be able to face Andy.
"Perfection? You're not serious are you?"
Narrowing her eyes she searched her face for answers, but the young woman's demeanor, not for the first time that day, was unreadable.
"Perfection?" Repeated Miranda. She abruptly stood and began to pace, shaking her head in disbelief.
"They believe…they want to believe that I'm perfect. They want to see perfection and that is exactly what I give them. Perfection. However this image comes with a price. I am not perfect. God knows I'm far from it. So if I intend to sustain this illusion I can't let anyone close. If I did, they would see me. My flaws. My weaknesses. The real me."
With every word she sounded more and more agitated, almost angry, and so unlike herself. She indeed was angry, albeit she did not quite understand where these heightened emotions came from. Miranda Priestly has always been cool, calm and collected. This obviously wasn't the case anymore.
"The real you is everything I would ever want, but I'm not supposed to be here. I wasn't strong enough to say no, because god help me I want you. I want you. I desire you."
"No one wants the real me…" whispered Miranda. "No one." The earlier passion was gone, she seemed almost defeated. "I thought I was ready for this, but apparently not. Your words and mixed signals confuse me beyond words and I despise this state of mind."
"You don't understand, Miranda." Andy pleaded.
"You're right. I don't. Frankly, Andrea I am lost here and you are not helping."
Andy got up and walked toward Miranda. The editor tried to step away but Andy backed her up until they hit the wall. She reached out and placed her hands on Miranda's face, holding gently, her thumbs caressing the velvety skin. Miranda closed her eyes, leaning into the touch, she breathed a feather soft kiss on Andy's palm.
"Andrea." Miranda sighed, turning her face.
"I…I'm sorry." Andy willed herself to step back. "If she finds out. She hates me. I've been dealing with that my entire life. But you, you don't have to get in the middle of this. You can't and you won't. I won't let you."
Struggling to keep pace with the turn of events, "I beg your pardon?" Miranda asked.
"Runway is your life and she has the power to take that away from you. You can't be associated with me. I'm not worth it. I'm not worth the risk of you losing everything."
"She? Who? For god's sake Andrea. What are you talking about?" Miranda demanded.
"My sister. Edna Martin!"
.