CJ sat on the far side of the flat, balcony like top of the small mountain and he subconsciously put just a little more distance between himself and Vaughn than Vaughn had between himself and Denny. All four had been quiet the whole walk, and now all four sat, silent and looking at the stars. The bag of weed lay untouched, unceremoniously on the ground by Shea's feet. No one had spoken since they arrived at the top, and the thin air hung heavy with tension and stress. Denny decided to cut it.
"How are you, CJ?" He leaned around Vaughn to look at him.
"Fine."
"I'm sorry about Elliot, he's pretty much always been like this."
CJ shrugged.
It fell silent again.
Vaughn laid back on the ground behind them and slid his black cowboy hat up and over his face. CJ's eyes drifted over to his form and stayed there.
"We, uh, usually have a lot more fun than this," Shea smiled sheepishly. "In fact, why don't we get down to business?"
Vaughn faintly groaned as he hoisted himself back up into a sitting position, hat still heavy over his eyes. Denny dug around in the backpack for rolling papers. CJ peered around the cowboy's shoulder at Shea to watch him get down to business, but he thought he saw a split second of the first blunt hovering, before Denny's hands came down with it and he whispered to Shea.
The pit of CJ's stomach began to turn sour. He mentally recounted all of the weird little events he'd seen, and even though there was an easy, safe explanation in a traumatized memory, he couldn't shake the feeling everyone on this damn island was hiding *something* from him.
Vaughn's hand extended in front of his vacant gaze, a joint squarely located between his middle and ring finger in offering. CJ gingerly took it, and let it rest in his palm. Shea struck a lighter and passed it on down the line, to Denny, to Vaughn, to CJ, and a cloud of smoke rose from the quartet.

Several packed snacks and a struck campfire later, the group sat in a circle around the flame. Shea and Denny happily chattered to each other while Vaughn laid flat on the ground again, hat over his stomach and silently eating an entire bag of marshmallows. CJ sat silently, his blunt still resting between his fingers. The campfire seemed to dance only for him, and thus, he professed his admiration with steady, devoted attention.
Vaughn's hand entered his vision, almost startling him, holding one of his jumbo marshmallows up in offering. It took CJ a second to process, but he sheepishly took the treat and began to nibble, eyes still vacant. Vaughn wordlessly resumed demolishing the rest of the bag.
CJ finished it off before putting his joint out on the ceramic tray by the fire and buried his head between his knees and arms. His already thin emotional dam was weakened by his slight high, and silent tears began to leak from his eyes. He felt embarrassed and all too aware of himself. He took up too much space. He simply didn't belong.
He heard crickets. Denny and Shea's quiet, lilted voices. Vaughn still eating. What sounded like a raccoon passing by a tree. The wind howling off the mountain shelf. Too much noise.
Shea caught notice and called out his name. CJ lifted his head just barely up enough to see.
"Are you okay?"
CJ shrugged.
Shea continued to speak but CJ couldn't focus on his words. They turned to gibberish and began to just barely miss his eardrums, and he zoned out, his thoughts screaming.
They all know. But they didn't care. Denny defended him. Shea seems nice. Vaughn said he didn't care. But that report - and Elliot's mouth - probably informed the whole island chain. They all know. They knew who he was. They know every detail. They're watching him sleep at night.
Paranoia shivers and angered depression welled in his heart. Shea and Denny were still trying to talk to him, and Vaughn continued to lay on his back, silently eating, like he wasn't even paying attention. Which he shouldn't. Why should he? Why would these guys want anything to do with him? Look at how he ruined their night together. These three probably had fun every week without him, but his presence put a damper on their plans, depressed them all, and now they were too nice to tell him to fuck off. He was a nuisance, his presence was poison. He didn't belong there. They know. They all know and they hate him. They know he's a liar and a thief. They know. Any chance he had of passing was pissed away.
Voices and noises rose around him like knives in his ears. His thoughts screamed from the inside. They know, they know, they know, they know.
"C-"
CJ reared his head back and broke in two.
"Does everyone on this fucking island know I have a fucking vagina?!" He screeched so loud it echoed.
Vaughn choked on his marshmallow and rolled over to hack up the piece stuck in his throat. Shea and Denny stared at him, jaws dropped, but Denny's attention immediately diverted to Vaughn and he crawled over to beat on his back and possibly deliver a Heimlich.
"They, uh, do now," Shea smiled sheepishly, unsure of how else to respond.
CJ stared horrified at him as the realization of what he just screamed set in.
"I'm... I'm sorry, I... oh my god."
"You're fine, you're fine," Shea tried to assure him. "You're, you're not the only trans person on the islands, I wouldn't worry." It took every ounce of CJ's strength to not bolt right that second. The two's heads snapped back to Vaughn and Denny as the former gasped, his airway finally free. His hand shot up to cover his mouth the second he saw CJ's gaze turn, and he sat back panting as Denny rubbed his back.
"You just nearly put Vaughn in the ground," Denny laughed.
Vaughn's breathing slowed back down to normal and a sharp pop echoed in the air. Shea, Denny, and most of all Vaughn's expressions turned to horror. The air fell deathly still. CJ's eyes darted between the three of them in confusion.
"What the hell was that?"
Vaughn's hand fell from his mouth.
"No idea," Denny shrugged. Shea and Vaughn relaxed a little, with the former voicing confusion as well.
CJ felt that eerie rush in his stomach again, but tried his best to ignore it.
"But yeah, Shea's right," Denny quickly rushed in again to fill the silence. "There's other trans people here. No one really cares."
CJ collapsed on himself again and looked away. "I... I still had hoped I could just live my life and have no one know."
"It sadly don't work like that sometimes."
"Especially when you scream it off the side of a mountain," Shea laughed a little. Denny nudged him in the shoulder. Vaughn reoriented himself and sat upright, his now almost-empty bag of jumbo marshmallows resting by his side. CJ reburied his face.
"Hey, if it makes you feel any better, you're not even alone here," Denny smiled at him. The brunette raised his face back up again and his eyes grew wide, as if waiting for confirmation. Denny nodded his head and smiled wide.
"I'm sorry. I'm still not... really adjusting here. I don't think I belong here."
"You do, more than you know." Shea said, a comforting softness to his voice, his accent tapering off into the wind.
Another awkward silence blanketed the quartet, before a dark, warm voice spoke for the first time in a while.
"You do."
CJ looked at Vaughn, and the two held a tense, almost uncomfortable stare. Shea and Denny's eyes both darted between the other pair, and then at each other.
"Ya'll need a room?" Denny chuckled, in an attempt to lightened the mood.
Vaughn broke the gaze first and reached for his last marshmallow. CJ lowered his head again. Shea shared a look with his partner, then jumped in the verbal gap they left open.
"So... who's up for a snack run?"