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Kagome sat up in bed, stirred awake by the noisy rooster only moments after her lover had left. Beams of light pouring through the windows hurt her eyes and she looked down. Tired blue orbs snagged across the crumpled mess where her missing companion had slept. She stared at the space for long, as if by doing so she would be more convinced that he had actually been there.
In her wooziness she thought that she had seen his face briefly, though she was certain that it had only been an illusion. Her memories were fuzzy, her head hurt real badly and her mind seemed to be playing stupid tricks on her. She shook her head to clear it of the haze and then looked again, but to her utter shock and disbelief the image morphed into Sesshomaru's steely visage and frozen eyes.
She gasped loudly and took a shuddering breath, struggled to take another. She felt cold as a shiver shook her. Panic almost seized her, but though nervous, she knew rationally that Sesshomaru had no reason to be in Edo. Still, her eyes darted around the room quickly checking to see if he was in fact there, he was not, but her body trembled all the same.
She bit into her lip and pressed the sheet to her trembling form; then her heart almost leapt into her throat on hearing another unexpected high pitched cry from the bird. She panted and closed her eyes. The ache in her head had suddenly worsened and now she felt nauseated.
Silent tears filled her eyes as she continued to glance around with the sheet close to her body. Why was her mind on Sesshomaru when she had not thought about him since yesterday? Was her effort to burn him from her heart forever a failure? Clearly, if she could not get a hold of herself soon, then everything she'd tried to do would become a colossal failure.
Her temples throbbed with the unyielding headache and she frowned. Rubbing the sides of her face tenderly lessened the pain and banished the upsetting sight of the Daiyokai from her mind. For several minutes she just sat there silently as the memories of last night's events flooded her mind and senses. She didn't know what to feel in the immediate moments following her epiphany. But she was determined, she was not going to let her imprudence consume her and ultimately destroy her. She sighed with the thought. She was a strong woman that was weakened by heartache and loss, but thankfully her spirit was not broken.
Without thought she ran a hand along the spot where her lover had lain and it was still warm. She was glad that he had the presence of mind to leave before she had awakened, not that she thought she couldn't handle the situation; it was just that she believed it would be best this way. They were strangers that had shared one night of uncomplicated passion and nothing more.
Was it wrong of her to be taking the matter so lightly she pondered, considering the possible ramifications? After all, it was the night of Inuyasha's memorial service to honor him and yet she had dishonored him and herself.
Had this happened several months ago she would have been devastated but now she was of a different mindset. So much had happened in her life in the short amount of time since Inuyasha's death that her head swum thinking about it. Even now as she thought about her actions she couldn't rightly say that she regretted the decision of taking a lover.
But even in her mind that sentiment didn't sound quite right, because if she had wanted a lover that badly, Sesshomaru should have been the obvious choice. Right? But then again he was a complicated being that she was struggling so hard to understand, and their relationship was extremely tiresome.
What she needed was freedom and simplicity for she hadn't amassed the strength yet to deal with a multifaceted demon lord. Kagome narrowed her eyes as she continued to contemplate. She found the situation less than burdensome although compromising, and knew that she could deal with it. Then something came to mind and she winced as if she'd received a severe blow to the gut. She gasped and closed her eyes, slowly moulding last night's events into a complete picture within her mind. There she searched for the answers.
It was possible she knew that one of the villagers could have seen while she was being escorted inside her home by the gentleman. She grimaced, and rightly so, because also, they would not have seen him leave.
Resting her chin on the back of her hands she scanned the room and her mind for transparency, but sadly she could not find any. She shrugged; the situation was what it was, she was a widow and taking a lover was not an uncommon occurrence, it was the timing that was a bother.
Strangely enough as she pondered on the issues she felt little remorse if any at all, in fact she felt weirdly contented with a terrible hangover. Although it occurred to her that she had casual sex with a total stranger, and logically she should be feeling horrified by her actions, she did not.
Truthfully, she came to regard her conduct as a temporary distraction from reality so as to ease her mind from the stresses of her life, and she would not dwell on it now. It needed no negative emotions to let it fester, turning it into something nasty that she would live to regret. Everyone was prone to indiscretion, her one night of drunken sex she would file away into the recesses of her mind. There it would remain forever as her secret.
She was tired and her mouth felt dry and bitter now that she was sober. She sighed softly before disengaging from the sheets. She stood up suddenly and almost toppled over from dizziness; she grabbed for the bed to steady herself but missed and fell to her knees.
Shakily she pulled herself back up and sat on the bed, she needed to keep calm for awhile before trying to get up again. What she really needed was some bitter tea and a bath.
sksksk
Dawn had finally broken and he found himself lying on a soft blanket under a tree near a river. He had returned home hours into the night feeling empty, and a dismal ache encased his heart so strongly that he was unable to break its hold on him.
He couldn't find the strength to enter the house where her scent would be strongest, so he rested at the last place where they had been intimately contented before everything went wrong.
Out in the open air her aroma had almost vanished from the thick cloth, but the places where her body had lain while she'd shattered in his face and hands, there her scent remained vibrant.
He opened his eyes and gazed into the blazing sun; feeling the irritating burn watered his eyes but he would not close them. He recalled the defeat that he'd felt as he'd watched Kagome lying with another male who was not him. The memories tore into his soul like a strike of lightning as the vivid images played over and over inside his head.
His body went rigid with overwhelming pain and he closed his eyes; not from the searing flames to his irises, but from the terrible agony inside his soul. He surged to his feet quickly as the relentless ache would not subside.
For several moments he just stood there staring blindly and enduring the throbbing ache. No one could take the pain away now, not even the priestess herself at this point. He realized it would be unbelievably hard to move past this. Harder than anything that he would ever do or could imagine.
He would have to live with the distress; live with the hurt that only time could heal now that he had opened up his heart. He was angry, and wanting to blame the woman for his heartache was tempting, but he would not. Both of them had been prideful and stubborn, leaving too much things to chance, and now they would both burn in the chaotic aftermath.
He didn't want to think or feel any longer. Another thought of her crossed his mind and the pain resurfaced, he dove into the depths of the river, hopefully it would strengthen the muscles of his heart and body as he swum to lift the frustration. When he was done, the anger had left him but a dull stabbing pain still poked at his heart. He sighed; this would be his torment to bear for his weaknesses.
He left the river solemnly, his footsteps taking him further away from a memory that he would always treasure in spite of how unfulfilling the ending had been. The desire for sleep grew more urgent as his bed came into view upon entering his bedroom.
Too long now his mind had been occupied with nothing more than a beautiful face and smile, a delicious scent and enticing blood that had prevented him from sleeping. He was tired emotionally as well as physically. He laid his body down and closed his eyes, knowing for certain that this time sleep would come.
sksksk
Gradually Kagome faced the day, she was still tired and her mind wandered to the night before and of Sesshomaru constantly, but she was determined to keep the anxiety over the matter at bay.
In the evening while having her sixth cup of ginger mint tea, she heard a knocking at the front door.
"Who is it?" She asked tonelessly, not really in the mood to see anyone.
"Lady Kagome it is I Katsumi," came the quick reply.
"The door is unlocked let yourself in," answered Kagome in a similar manner as before.
She heard Katsumi's getas scraping along the board flooring as she made her way inside towards the kitchen and felt uneasy. She couldn't help but to wonder if Katsumi had been a witness to her meltdown. It was so frustrating not remembering clearly all that had happened because she had been intoxicated.
They gazed at each other as they came face to face, however, Katsumi looked away first after giving her a weak look, and Kagome knew instinctively that her secret was not a secret at all.
Her eyes grew wide with fear by the inference, her hands trembled and she put the cup to rest on the table.
"Why are you here?" Kagome asked warily.
Katsumi turned her attentions back on Kagome. "I am sorry lady Kagome," she mumbled under her breath feeling a little nervous, "I have to say something, I saw you with my cousin last night."
Kagome gasped and flung her hand forward to cover her mouth, spilling the tea in the process. She stood up, but feeling faint she sat back down shakily as her feet felt as if they would give out at any moment, while Katsumi watched her worriedly.
"Calm down Kagome I am not here to pass judgment. I am here on behalf of my cousin, he would like to see you again when he comes back to Japan in a month," she said in a rush and sat down, almost as if she'd decided just now to stay for a while.
Kagome shook her head in relief. "I don't know what to say, I need time to think," was the noncommittal response.
Katsumi observed the priestess a while longer and felt saddened for her. She knew that her friend suffered because of her husband's death, and grief had forced her to draw close to someone, in this case a stranger who happened to be a relative. But on the other hand her cousin was a good man that deserved a wife who wouldn't drag him down with her problems. Kagome was not right for him she decided.
"I think it would be best if you leave here and never return," Katsumi advised. Kagome looked deep into her brown eyes and understood perfectly what she was saying. She nodded.
Katsumi got up and rested both hands on Kagome's shoulders and gave a little squeeze. "I am really sorry for your loss and I pray that you may find peace, and I hope you will be alright."
She let the priestess go and left quietly after that. Kagome sat still for a very long time reflecting on the pass and an uncertain future. She really was alone with no roots to keep her grounded. She closed her eyes tight. Katsumi's words could not have been any clearer. Leave now before my cousin gets back, your actions have proven you unworthy.
She shook her head feeling more dejected and perplexed than before. She wanted to retreat in her own little world and hide, but sadly such a place did not exist.
She packed her bag with the things that she had brought and left Edo behind for good. She walked into the woods until the sun had set and darkness fell, wandering aimlessly for hours trying to figure out where she went wrong, how to fix it and could she really face Sesshomaru if she should go back to him.
Undecided and desolate she whistled three times for Ah-Un. She waited patiently for a sign that he had heard but nothing was forthcoming. She was tired and drained of all her mental strength. She rests the bag down and laid her head upon it by a tree.
Tears of desperation spilled from her eyes and she cried out into the night without shame. She felt the numbness inside her heart overflowing into every fiber of her being, paralyzing her with fear.
She laid there broken, sobbing and shaking, yet her body refused to surrender to death that she so desperately wanted to ease the pain and suffering. The kami's must have taken pity on her as her lids became heavy and drowsiness swept throughout her body.
Minutes passed into hours as time moved on. How long had she been asleep? She couldn't tell. She only knew and felt something wet and thick licking her face, she opened her eyes in the darkness and saw the bulky outline of the dragon.
She didn't think, she mounted the beast, lay low on his back and continued resting. She knew not what her fate would be when next she saw the Daiyoukai, but she couldn't run from him forever.
As dawn broke Ah-Un set her down in front of Sesshomaru's house. She paused seeing him standing on the porch gazing at her steadily. She gulped and made a weak step towards him, then another until they were standing in front of each other.
Sesshomaru noticed multiple red marks on her neck. His heart seemed to stop, and he stared at her throat in scorn. His fists clenched at his sides as anger shot through him. The images of her and another man swept through him like a fiery tempest, setting his blood to boil.
He tried but could not contain the hurt and anger that he felt, seeing her now and knowing what she had done, and to compound his ire, the light scent of musk still clung to her body enraged him even further. He closed his eyes in resistance, to shut out the memory and the marks of another male upon her body, but jealousy and his territorial nature would not let it go.
An uncontrolled burst of fury shook him to the core, he clenched his jaws hard trying to hold onto his pride, but couldn't, and savagely he lunged for her throat.
Kagome screamed, and in fright she fled.