"I'm not doing it."

"Neither are we."

"No, thank you."

"What are we doing?" I groaned, opening my eyes. That was needed. That was very needed.

"They were arguing which one should wake you up," Kyoya filled me in, "You've been asleep for the last half hour, Rei."

"And how long have they been arguing?" I asked, stifling a yawn.

"About five minutes."

"Problem solved itself," I pointed out, "I'm not a total bitch when I wake up. I promise. At least not from a nap."

"So," Tamaki sat next to me, "Does that mean we can start with you now?"

"Depends on what you plan on doing," I cracked my back. My god, it sounded like bubble wrap, but it felt fucking orgasmic.

"Didn't that hurt?" Tamaki worried, staring in complete horror.

"A little," I nodded, falling back into the chair, "But worth it. What are we doing?"

"You need a gentler and more innocent image," Tamaki ordered, "In order to do that, we're going to make you a host!"

"Excuse me?" I gave him a look, "What do you mean, you're making me a host?"

"Just that," he went on, "Look, Rei, we have a certain reputation in school. We are very beloved. If you end up a host, then they'll love you."

"There's no guarantee of that, Tamaki," Kyoya looked up from his clipboard, "They may fear her, too."

"I thought only guys and Haruhi were hosts," I wondered, "Last I checked, I am neither."

"Rei," Kyoya asked, "Does anyone know you're a girl?"

"I don't know," I shrugged, "No one's asked."

"And that's why we can make you a host!" Tamaki squeaked, "It's the perfect plan! It's foolproof. You get an image change. We get a new host!"

"Hold on, boss," Hikaru stopped him.

"Does she even have a type?" Kaoru asked.

"That's right," Tamaki looked me over, "I'm putting my cart before the horse here. You could probably work that whole mysterious angle."

"My brand," Kyoya chimed in, "Try again."

"Hmmm…" he studied me closer, "We don't need you to work the bad boy angle. We already have the mischievous types. That's kind of the same thing."

"It's not," I assured, "It's really not. The mischievous type would be the kind to get into minor shenanigans. A bad boy type has done his nick and isn't afraid to go back."

"I…" Tamaki blinked, "I don't know what that means."

"And that's why you could never be the bad boy type," I jabbed, "A nick is a nickel. A nickel is five years in prison."

"Here, Rei," Haruhi gave me my coffee, blissfully ignoring my knowledge of certain terminology, "Honey-senpai and Mori-senpai are on their way back."

"Thank you, Haruhi."

"Maybe that could work," Tamaki thought, "Rei, can you work a sweet, innocent angle?"

"I don't know…" I batted my eyelashes, laying my head on Tamaki's shoulder, "You tell me."

"You're…" Tamaki's bottom lip quivered, "You're perfect…"

"You think so?" I smiled sweetly, cuddling into his lap, "You know, Tamaki, in your own, special way, you remind me of my father. He's also very loving and protective over me. Even in times when he knows I am more than capable of protecting myself. He also calls me princess. And there's one more way you're alike."

"What's that?" he cradled me, tracing up and down my back.

"You're both massive suckers for my cute, little face," I smirked, knowing damn well that it wouldn't take long for him wrapped around my finger, "It's soft and sweet in its own right. And you fall for it hook, line, and sinker."

"Yeah," Tamaki nodded, "That's your type. You pull off Lolita very well."

"Thank you." Granted, I didn't care for the sweet angle, but it's like Daddy always said. Play up the strong suits. It'd be their fault for making assumptions. Do what I can to lure them into a false sense of security and then, crack skulls.

"As brilliant of an idea as that is, Tamaki," Kyoya stepped in, "But don't you think we already have a Lolita in our ranks?"

"We're back!" Honey sang with a box of macarons in his hand.

"And speak of the devil," Kyoya added.

"Dammit…" Tamaki groaned.

"Thank you, Honey," I opened the box, finding three different flavors. I saw my pretty, pastel pink ones that I asked for. But I didn't remember asking for the yellow ones or the blue ones, "What are the other ones?"

"The blue ones are blueberry and mint," Honey filled me in, "And the yellow ones are lemon. They're really yummy!"

"If there is one thing Honey-senpai knows," Hikaru pointed out.

"It's sweets," Kaoru assured.

"I'll trust you," I promised, taking my first bite. Oh, fuck me, "Honey, I love you."

"Aww!" he latched onto my leg, "Thank you, Rei-chan! I'm glad you like them!"

"I'm going to need the name of that bakery," I demanded.

"Back to the task at hand," Tamaki went on, "We need to find your type, Rei! You need to become a host."

"And in order to do that," I assumed, stuffing my face with macaron and iced coffee, "We need to figure out which type I am."

"That's right."

"As much as you're going to hate hearing this, Senpai," Haruhi chimed in, "If you're drawing such a blank, maybe you should consult someone with a better grasp on this kind of thing."

"You don't mean…" Tamaki got nervous and even Kyoya went pale. I had no clue who Haruhi was talking about, but I might have a new friend, "Her…?"

"She has a name," Haruhi rolled her eyes.

"And who is she?" I wondered.

"Hold on," Haruhi held up a finger, "Hey, Renge!"

Then, all of a sudden, the floor started to rumble and a platform rose up out of nowhere. The fuck did that come from? On the top, a maniacal laughter rang out, "Did someone call for me?"

"Yeah," Haruhi confirmed, entirely unfazed, "I did."

This chick was loud, over the top, and cocky as shit. And I think I love her. She must be Renge, "What can I do for you?"

"Not me," Haruhi took the reins while Tamaki stood petrified in the corner, "We have a new host in need of a type."

"Yay!" she squeaked, "Where is he?"

"Right behind you," I waved, "And even thought I got the wrong uniform, it is she."

"Renge," Haruhi introduced us, "This is Rei. She's a transfer student from New York."

"And it is an absolute pleasure," I shook her hand. Oh, yeah, we're going to be the best of…

Yank!

"Who do you think you are?" Renge jerked her hand back.

"Excuse me, bitch?" I jumped on the defensive.

"Kyoya," Renge wrapped herself around his arm, "This commoner thought she could touch me."

"That wasn't nice, Renge," Kyoya pulled her fingers off him.

"Who the fuck are you calling a commoner?" I growled, ready to bash her face in.

"She pays her tuition like everyone else," Kyoya explained, "Aside from Haruhi. Not to mention, Rei comes from a very prominent family in New York. Don't you, Rei?"

"Damn right, I do," I confirmed, "On both sides. Although, Mama's side isn't as notorious as Daddy's. Still, I had a silver spoon in my mouth."

"You come off as a small-time hood," Renge judged, "Not aristocracy."

"I'm not small time," I assured, "I know how to take care of people I don't like."

"And you plan on marketing her as a host?" Renge scoffed, "Good luck."

"With a little training," Kyoya nodded, "I think she'll make a fine addition to our ranks."

"Alright," she chirped, blindly going along with whatever Kyoya says, "She still seems like a thug, though."

"I didn't choose the thug life," I chuckled to myself, "Hell, it didn't even choose me."

"Like I said," Kyoya reiterated, "Nothing a little training and classical reconditioning won't cure."

If the boys back home got a hold of you, Kyoya, we'd be running the entire east coast. He doesn't strike me as the type to be above torture. But not the standards. Not just the kidnapping and holding for ransom or breaking fingers. I bet he's more into the psychological torture. We could learn a lot from each other. Maybe sticking around the host club won't be such a half bad idea. For his sake, I hope that Kyoya would know better than to use his psychological bullshit on me. Because he would have a fucking storm of biblical proportions come down on him.

"Maybe…" Renge thought, "We could give her the bad boy type."

"Already thought of that," Hikaru chimed in.

"The idea is to soften her image," Kaoru added, "Not harden it."

"No, no, no," Renge walked around me like a lioness on her prey. Sweetheart, your bark is definitely bigger than your bite. I am not someone to fuck with, "The bad boy trope is fine. It's good for a little spice in the narrative. But it's also wickedly overdone. When girls come in here, they want someone they can project their fantasies on."

"If anyone would know that," Kyoya winced, "It would be you"

"So," she went on, "Since you're wanting to give Rei a softer image, perhaps instead of going full bad boy type, we can give her a bad boy with a heart of gold. The type who would set a building on fire, but also save the kitten inside and adopt it. That way, we could appeal to clients whose fantasies range from wanting to fix him to wanting to cuddle the hell out of him. Rei, how good are you at reading people?"

"Good enough to know you play one too many dating sims," I showed off, "And that one of them probably features a character that looks a lot like Kyoya. But Kyoya wants little to nothing to do with you and that almost makes you want him more. You warp it in your head that he's playing hard to get, because you can't accept the truth."

"Wow…" Renge blinked a couple of times, "Like a book."

"What can I say?" I shrugged, "I have an indispensable skill set. Being able to read people, so you know when they're about to fly off the handle is one of them."

"So," Kyoya moved her aside, "What you're saying in that you could theoretically tell what each guest needs when they walk through the door, right?"

"And adapt accordingly," I nodded.

"Tamaki…" Kyoya gave him a nudge, snapping him out of the horrified trance Renge put him in.

"What?" Tamaki came to, staring a hole through me.

"With Renge's insight," Kyoya praised, turning Renge into a pile of mush, "I think we may have a new type of host. And the golden child of hosting."

"Excuse me?" I gave him a look.

"Really?" the sparkle in Tamaki's eyes returned, "Do tell, Kyoya. I'm listening."

"Given her particular skill set," Kyoya explained, "Rei can tailor her personality to suit our guests."

"How do we know she can do that?"

"I've already done it on you," I reminded him, "You asked me if I could work the sweet angle. You went from being scared shitless of me to falling in love with me in seconds. I'm more than capable of it."

"We'll give her a few days," Tamaki decided, "Until Friday. Just to see what she can do."

"Thanks, Tamaki," I smiled, "You won't be disappointed."

"Make us proud," he put a hand to my shoulder, "The elusive chameleon type. I never thought I'd ever see one up close. Be here right after school tomorrow."

"Got it," I rocked back on my heels, "Does this mean I can go now?"

"Why would you want to leave?" Tamaki awed, "This room is a magical place."

"Not to burst your bubble, senpai," Haruhi stepped in, "But it is getting late. We should all be heading home."

"And my driver has the worried temperament of a Jewish mother," I could feel my phone bussing against my belly for the last ten minutes, "I should be going."

"You should also tell him about your change in schedule," Kyoya suggested, "Just to keep him from worrying."

"Ok," I grabbed my bag and tossed my empty coffee cup in a nearby trash can, "See you tomorrow!"

As I rain down the stairs with a reinvigorated lust for life, a sudden realization hit. I had zero intention of joining the host club. I didn't even want to be a host. If that was the case, then what the fuck just happened? How did they do it? I just wanted to apologize for yesterday. How did I…? Kyoya. Had to be Kyoya. I knew he could get into someone's head, but I didn't think he'd get into mine. He's good. But now, I could finally go home and indulge myself in buffalo wings in the big ass bathtub.

"Sorry I'm out late, Roy," I slid into the back of his car, catching a glimpse of his ghostly pale complexion in the rearview, "Jesus Christ, Roy. It was only an hour. Are you ok?"

Roy just shook his head. At least he's somewhat responsive. I'm not quite sure what to do here. By the looks of him, he's on autopilot. Like he's sleepwalking. I gave him a gentle poke. No movement, "Roy? Can you hear me?"

He nodded.

"Can you tell me what's got you so freaked out?"

"I still can't believe it myself." Good. Keep him talking. I can't have him fizzling out on me again.

"Start from the beginning." I wanted to get home in one piece.

"I went to my spin class this morning," Roy began, "And everything was great. Everything was going on like it did every other morning. Yumi sat next to me like every other day we go to spin class."

"That's a good thing, right?" I hoped.

"Everything was going just fine," he went on, "Until I opened my mouth and asked her about Friday night."

"Oh…" I put a hand on his shoulder, "I'm sorry, Roy. Next time, buddy. We'll get her next time."

"She said yes, Rei."

"No shit?!" I squeaked, "Then, what's the problem? I thought that was the idea."

"She said yes!" Roy freaked some more, "What am I supposed to do now? She said yes!"

"That's a good thing," I settled him, "You're thinking way too much about it. And maybe we could talk more about this when we get back to my penthouse…"

"Alright," he pulled himself together, "When we're somewhere stationary and aren't at risk of getting into a car accident."

"That's much better."

Or so I thought. Because once we got home, the waterworks kicked up, "Rei, I don't deserve her! She's way too good for me! I was expecting her to say no, but she totally said yes!"

"Ever think," I threw my bag on the chair and my body into the couch, "maybe she likes you, too?

"Why would she?"

"That's a question you have to ask her, my friend," I pointed out, "That's not for me to answer. But I already told you that you have a lot going for you. So, why the fuck not?"

"Rei…"

"Look," I rolled over and propped myself up on my elbow, "Friday night, you are going to hold up this date. It'd be pretty shitty if you asked and flaked out on it. But then, you're going to merely talk to her. You don't know if what you say is going to piss her off or make her smile. That's just a leap you need to take for yourself. Just don't be a dumbass and you'll be fine."

"Alright." Damn. It must have been a while since this guy has seen any action. He's taking advice from me. I've only been on a couple dates and it wasn't anything mind-blowingly spectacular. But occasionally, he'd piss me off with some of the stupid shit he'd say.

"Awesome," I applauded. Then, something sneaky struck, "You know what? Because when my father isn't around, I'm essentially your boss, why don't you take Friday off?"

"The whole day?" Roy gasped, "I couldn't do that."

"I got two legs that work," I pointed out, "And Ouran's not that far. I think I can walk. It's fine, Roy, don't worry about me. You got bigger fish to fry and I pray for whoever tries to fuck with me. They will not come out pretty."

"Something smells suspicious," he squinted, "Why do you want me out of the house so bad?"

"Because I like my solitude," I rolled my eyes.

"And why can't I drop you off and pick you up from school on Friday?"

"See what happens when I try to do something nice?" I scoffed, "Forgive me. Fine. Then, Friday, you're going to be my bitch and it will not be fun for you. But I am going to be late coming out of school for the next couple days. I've made the mistake of joining an after-school club and it'll be like it was today. I'll be an hour late."

"Ok," Roy dropped it, "And I'll take Friday off, too."

"Wonderful," I approved, "Now, if you don't mind, I'm going to get my homework done and get some dinner. Is that alright with you?"

"Yes," he allowed, "And Rei?"

"What?" I groaned, pushing myself up and getting my shoes back on.

"Thanks for letting me vent," Roy smiled, "I really do appreciate the advice. And who knows? If anything comes out of this, I might make you my best man."

"No fucking way," I giggled, "But the sentiment was there and that's all that matters. You're not bad. In small doses."

"Neither are you," he got the door for me, "Happy studying."

"Thanks," I pouted. Just what I wanted to do was sit and do my calculus homework. But luckily for me, I knew a cute, little ramen shop down the block that would be more than welcoming.

A/N: I like that ramen shop. Good things happen at that ramen shop. And I'm sure they're really yummy, too. Given that it's fictional, I will never know, but I could possibly learn how good ramen in a little shop in Tokyo could be. That's a thing. Not that I'm going to Japan any time soon. I don't have a passport or that kind of money. But it looks like Rei has her type! Yay! She's now an Ouran host! Yay! And tomorrow, she's going to find out what hosting is like. However, in the meantime, she also has calculus homework to do and things of the like. AND! MOST IMPORTANTLY! Roy has himself a date. He asked Yumi out and she said yes and I'm so happy for him. Now, I'm going to go over here and probably…Take the dog outside and go to bed. See you next chapter! xx