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Panic consumed her with an unyielding force as her eyes wide, roamed over his smiling face. Her heart rate tripled, blood pooled to her brain and she felt faint with the flood. Seeing him again sapped the substance from her legs and she swayed.
She brushed trembling fingers across her brow where the pulse ticked rapidly. This was too much; the past should not be smiling at her. She shuddered as if cold and then spun away from him in an instant. She couldn't face him, not just yet; not when she was so ill-prepared and nervous. This man represented a smudge that she had wiped away from her mind. Her action an absolute necessity. Her life with Sesshomaru depended on it.
The shock of his nearness continued to make her unsteady and she gritted her teeth to find her balance. There was no good reason for him to see how anxious he had made her, so until she had better control over her emotions she would not seek his face again.
With her back to him she hid the spiking fear. She would not let him see her terrified eyes or the unsteady gait of her form. She wouldn't let him witness just how distressed she was and how maddening the need in her to escape was. For now it would be best if she maintained her composure. She wasn't a fool, and would not with her actions give herself away.
She took multiple breaths, softly, slowly. And when her racing heart finally calmed to the point where she couldn't feel it banging against her rib cage anymore, she closed her eyes and breathed deeply one last time. To outwit him and escape she had to remain calm. Nothing good would be gained if she became a weeping mess. It was brief, but she had seen it in the eyes, a man who would not let her go so easily this time.
Act natural, she kept repeating in her mind. Many times in the past while she had travelled the country side of Japan as a teen searching for jewel shards, she'd found herself in sticky situations that had felt at the time almost hopeless. She was kidnapped by Kouga and his tribe, had been attacked and left at the mercy of the witch Tsubaki among other unfortunate circumstances, and yet she had prevailed.
Perhaps it was out of necessity that she had been able to keep her composure then. Or maybe it was because she had Inuyasha and her friends and knew in her heart that they would come and save her had strengthened her enough to hold on?
But she wasn't a teenager anymore, and Inuyasha and her friends were all dead. Still, there was Sesshomaru and maybe he could find and rescue her. She closed her eyes tight, just the thought of him enveloped her entire being in sadness. She had promised him to act cautiously and not let him worry needlessly, and now here she was in the hands of the enemy because she had not kept her end of the bargain.
Why didn't she listen to him? The instruction that he gave was simple enough, all he wanted was for her to be safe. She had known his thoughts, she had seen it there in his eyes that he worried for her and even after giving him her assurance she was painfully aware that he doubted her still.
The spontaneity of her judgment was made in the heat of the moment. She hadn't the time to adequately think things through then. The opportunity to apprehend a criminal had presented itself and she'd taken the chance to do just that. Not once did the thought occurred to her that Sesshomaru would not have founded her in time, and that she would have been abducted and missing him so terribly.
She inhaled deeply yet quietly as thoughts of her unfortunate situation exploded inside her head. Would it be enough; her explanation when they saw each other again that she had only wanted to follow the bandit from a distance until he came? She'd never meant to confront him by herself. Would he believe that she was innocent when the identity of the bandit was revealed and the past stood before them? Would he forgive her if she was forced to betray him?
She sighed heavily as the pangs of regret sunk painfully into her soul and suddenly she felt colder. If she could go back and undo the impetuous blunder she would but sadly there was no do over. Everything was an uncomfortable mess right now and she wouldn't let despair and doubts make her lose hope. It couldn't end this way. She had to somehow find the strength that she needed to make her escape and to set things right.
Sesshomaru was all that she had left in this time and without him living held little appeal. He had removed the fear that had clung to her spirit with his strength. His love and sincerity had moved her to love again. It was a truth that was undeniable and fierce.
In their time together she had developed a better understanding of his mind. No doubt they should be more attuned to each other's feelings. But the need that she has within herself for individuality, stemming from an old flaw would oftentimes raise its annoying head, causing unneeded conflicts between them.
Sesshomaru was a complex being that demanded respect and obedience. She was a modern girl that couldn't fully appreciate the submissive role. It wasn't easy, and in time she realized that he did not want a weak female that did everything that he suggested. He only wished that she would be smart enough to make wise choices, and listen to him when he gave good counsel.
She'd acted impulsively, but it wasn't out of defiance or stupidity. She'd honestly thought that she could've followed the enemy from a safe distance unknowingly, biding her time carefully until Sesshomaru caught up with her. She didn't defy him out of spite or to show him that she was capable. She did it simply to help him eradicate a growing threat to the people and nothing more.
If only she could've perceived the man's cunning, or better yet, had known that he was someone from her past then she would not have followed him. When the moment came she had chosen to stop him instead of letting him escape. But in that one dreadful moment when she'd attacked him, she knew that she lacked the capacity to kill him in cold blood.
The noises in her head grew louder and darker filling her not only with regret but with profound sadness. She knew Sesshomaru's pride and the decision that she had made to go after the enemy that led to her capture placed him in a very precarious position. He would not stop; he would search for her relentlessly, never giving up even if it meant his death.
How could she have acted so foolishly? Did she not know that he harbored strong emotions in his heart for her? And as a demon those emotions would drive him unyieldingly, crush him emotionally if he wasn't able to find her in time and something more terrible happened to her. She didn't want to think on it too much because it honestly scared the hell out of her.
She sighed and closed her eyes tight hoping with everything inside her heart that he would find her soon and thus eradicate her worse fears. However, she doubted that he would be able to locate her quickly, not even she knew where she was. And to make matters worse while she'd journeyed to this place she had a strong sense that it had rained.
Although, she wasn't entirely convinced that what she had felt then was real or a figment of her muddled mind or not, but she knew one thing for certain; if it had rained it would make it difficult but not impossible for Sesshomaru to track and find her. It would simply be an issue of when.
She could feel her kidnapper's gaze on her. He was so close that she could hear every breath that he took. Her heart was beating fast again, and it had little to do with the fear of him and a great deal to do with exposure. She had thought that she had made peace with the past and had put it to rest. Yet she was vulnerable and edgy; this closeness was surprisingly harder than she'd expected it to be. Not that she had expected or wanted to see him again, and even if she did, then certainly this was not a scenario that she'd anticipated.
The platform now was different from the one in Edo though they were the same people and she sensed no real threat from him. But something was off, something seemed different about him. Oh what the hell did she really know? She had been drunk that night. So why then did the odd feeling persist?
It wasn't her intent, but somehow her mind canvassed the night that they had spent together, welling up aversion into her soul. Shell-shocked she licked her lips nervously, because here in his presence she simply could not cast their affair aside as her little secret anymore. Her fingers trembled, and unexpectedly she felt ashamed.
Above the clamour of her mind Kagome heard the sound of his feet moving as he closed the distance between them to her dismay. She felt like running again but resisted the foolish notion; there wasn't anywhere to run to. She sighed; she had to be smart if she wanted to escape him.
Deliberately she fought the urge to turn around and face him knowing that if she acted too rashly or afraid he would immediately become suspicious of that fear. The thought was nauseating; they had been lovers, and thus her fear of him if she should display it would be unintelligent. As of yet he had done nothing more than to abduct her in an opportunistic moment to make her wary of him.
But how could she look him in the eyes feeling so ashamed of what they had done that night; they had been together and yet she could not remember it clearly. Did she embarrass herself by telling him her fears? Or did she make promises to him in her drunken stupor. Oh kami she did not even want to think about it.
She remained rigidly unmoving, and in the quiet and the gloom she felt rising dread snaking its cold unfeeling hands around her mind, her temples pulsed erratically in anxiety. Her eyes widened in panic, and with a slap both hands formed a barrier around the sides of her face. A shuddering breath escaped her lips as clarity finally dawned on her and distress quickly waned.
"Lady Kagome are you not feeling well?" He asked her, but the suddenness of the question made her unable to respond.
She made a gulp instead and stumbled forward as if she would fall over. A strong arm grasped her shoulder to keep her steady and with a tremulous movement she shrugged the hand off her form.
She had done the unthinkable by sleeping with a man that she'd barely knew and had written it off as an inconsequential episode in her life that she need not think about. But here in his presence insignificance quickly turned into discomfort and her carefully built walls were crumbling under the immense pressure of ignominy. She had been fooling herself all this time as a way to protect her self esteem.
But even with the frightening revelation she could not dwell on it, she had more pressing problems to contemplate. She had to be reasonable, making her assumptions based on awareness as best as she could. Because also, if she acted like this situation was nothing then he would become distrustful of her motives.
It would be best if she played along; watching and feeling her way through the storm before making any move. She had to get it right, one false move and she would be dead in the water. She had to act cautiously as if she was on her own. She wished that Sesshomaru would come and save her now, but she had to be realistic and survive until such time.
His hand brushed her shoulder again, causing her to become more uncomfortable. She held still for a moment with his fingers on her skin, acting hastily would only serve to alert him of her frantic state. Slowly she moved out of his reach then spun around and faced him. She glanced at him, her expression mild but her blue eyes were on fire.
"What is your name?" She asked him softly, and she could see the effect that her simple unforeseen question had on him. His brows lifted a fraction and he smiled.
Before he could answer she walked to the table and sat down on the single chair beside it. Suddenly she felt exhausted and her head hurt from thinking too much. She was aware that he watched her constantly and it was proving to be a bother. She had no easy remedy for the situation, though she could tell him to stop but that may just aggravate the situation further and she did not want that. She had only one solution and she chose to employ it, she looked away.
He stared at her now and saw the same stunning woman that he was with in Edo in spite of how tired and dishevelled looking she appeared at the moment. True beauty came from within and hers shone all the way through. He moved a little closer, pulling out a short stool from beneath the clothes rack and sat down in front of her.
They gazed at each other briefly; she broke off first, looking down on her hands lying stiffly on her lap. The situation was uncomfortable he knew, hopefully he would be able to put her at ease soon and thus changing the awkwardness into something more pleasant.
The woman in front of him had given him one of the most beautiful memories of his life. After he'd left that morning he couldn't stop thinking about her. He remembered how attractive she had looked even in sleep. Her hair loose tumbled down her back, he couldn't resist so he'd stroked the long thick tresses and had kissed her cheeks before he'd left.
His curiosity about her had grown even stronger, and as he'd taken his leave he'd made a deliberate stop by his cousin's place. The day of the memorial service they had worked side by side and had seemed very friendly with each other. If he needed information about Kagome then the obvious choice would be someone that knew her very well.
To his dismay however, Katsumi had seen them entering the house the night before and had made her own assumptions of the events. She was rather disagreeable about the whole thing and had asked him not to pursue Kagome. He on the other hand had casually shrugged her traditionalist views aside, and had asked her to tell Kagome that he would like to call on her again when he returned to Japan.
The month that he was away seemed to stretch on longer than its days. He couldn't wait to get back. He'd felt at the time that he could have her as a wife because she was unattached. The day that he came back to Edo was a happy one, but the information that he'd acquired was one that he had not anticipated and it had turned his blue skies grey.
It was with a heavy heart that he had left Edo after hearing from his cousin that Kagome had simply rejected his suit and had left the village without saying goodbye. He had felt empty inside, and the pain of rejection had opened up a gaping wound inside him.
If he didn't possess great mental strength he might not have healed from the egregious injury, and after a few days of emotional anguish he had set out to look for her. He would only believe that she did not want him if he heard the refusal from her lips.
Four months of search took him all over Japan and still he wasn't able to find her. It would seem as if she had vanished into thin air. He had no choice but to stop searching then, but in his heart he had held onto hope that they would meet again. Because after her the notion of being with someone else was not a compromise he considered.
He thought of her and their night of pleasure often, her wide passion filled blue eyes, her soft moans and eager movements. She was different and forgetting about her was impossible. No one in this world was like her.
She was passionate with a pure soul, and when they'd touched all the pieces fitted perfectly. Their one night together would not leave his thoughts. He expelled a breath and reached for one of his rings on the table, looking at it briefly, he then placed the round object on the middle finger of his right hand.
He smiled to himself. Finding her near the scene of the bandit's camp was an unexpected but joyous miracle. When she had attacked him and he had unknowingly thrown her forward on the ground. The surprise and then delight on his face he could scarcely contain when he realized who his attacker was. He was regretful that he had to hurt her, but it was the only way that he could think of to get her to come with him quietly.
Kagome listened to the silence in the room for some time, and then finally raised her head. His eyes were steadily focused on her and an odd smile encased his lips. Her eyes then slowly drifted to the corner to avoid his cool stare.
"I am called Dr. Saito, but you can call me Ko," he said indifferently. She pulled her eyes swiftly away from the corner on hearing his voice and looked at him again.
She lowered her lashes after awhile, and in spite of herself she gave him a sweet smile. "Are you a real doctor or is it just a useless title?" she asked him candidly.
She watched his jaws loosened and he smiled showing white teeth, and she began to wish that she was as far away from him as she could be. He had an uncanny effect on her, she wanted to hate him but found it difficult to do so.
"I am a doctor," he answered quietly.
She was stunned. If he was a real doctor then what was he doing in the company of merciless bandits? She shook her head slightly trying to comprehend what was going on. None of which was making any sort of sense, and furthermore, she needn't stress over it. Saito had the answers and hopefully he would tell her the truth when she asked him.
"The place you were running away from was the home of a gang of bandits, what were you doing there?" She queried, and he could hear clearly the accusation in her tone.
He chose that moment to stand and her eyes followed him; she stared up at him from her position sitting on the chair. She saw the smile that had previously softened his features vanished, and instead harsh creasing lines surrounded his mouth, and suddenly she wished that she had not asked him that question.
He looked away from her and she watched his eyes as they came in contact with a brown leather bag on the left hand corner of the bed. It looked to be a doctor's bag. She heard him breathed deeply and then he looked at her again.
He closed his eyes tightly as if to shut out a terrible memory, and Kagome wondered what had happened in that place before she and Sesshomaru had arrived to cause him such distress. Her wonder did not last for long; he began to speak, sombrely.
"I was summoned to that place two days prior. I was called there to attend to four girls. Had I known that it was such a place then I might not have gone? The truth of the matter is that those girls were savagely raped, brutalized and impregnated."
Kagome gasped. Could the girls that she had stumbled upon lying dead in the dirt be the ones that he mentioned?
He made a tsking sound as if he was annoyed before continuing. "All four girls drank the same poison to end their lives rather than live on in misery. Unfortunately the poison that they drank wasn't potent enough to end their lives immediately; they suffered for days before I was called. Perhaps if I had gotten there sooner I could have saved them, but then again they had all cried and had asked me to end their sufferings. They did not want to live."
Listening to him just now he sounded bitter and sad, and she felt badly for him. Up until now she had not even harbored the thought that he might have been innocent. But how innocent was he really? She had felt a strange vibe coming from him moments ago, however slight it may have been she had definitely felt it.
She stood up, her mouth suddenly felt dry and the need for water was all that she could feel.
"I need some water," she said softly.
He nodded in reply and then hesitated a few more moments as if he wanted to ask her something. She smiled nervously at him and him at her before he left the room without saying anything else.
While she stood there alone her mind wandered back to Sesshomaru, he had to find her soon or she had to escape, either way something had to give. She had a bad feeling about all of this. The doctor was definitely hiding something. Maybe it was sixth sense on her part, or maybe it was her spiritual energy that guided her. Whatever it was had made her conscious of the ominous sensations rolling off him and it chilled her right down to her bones.
He was too tense and guarded the entire time while he'd retold the stories of those four girls, and she could feel a different aura emanating from him. His emotion of regret had caused something that he was hiding very carefully to slip a fraction and she had felt the change. She sat back down quietly and closed her eyes, even the silence was better than this feeling of dread.
sksksk
Nothing else mattered to him now that he had been searching for Kagome for almost an entire day. He burned so hot that he thought that a fever might take him down where no sword could ever touch. A curious chill of fear began at the nape of his neck, snaking its way along his spine. He hissed angrily, no amount of fear would hinder him.
He did not care what happened to him as long as he found his woman. Anyone who touched her would die a slow pitiful death. His jaws hardened and his eyes grew as cold as ice. With a furious growl he spun around forcing his way through an unbending barrier. Not even the greatest sorcery on earth or the heavens itself would keep him out. This Sesshomaru vowed.
Ko - light or peace
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