AUTHOR'S NOTE: Okay all, grab a drink and a chair, this is going to be a long note. For starters, in case you don't read my other fics where I've already shared this:
I've recently been diagnosed with a rare condition called Gastroparesis. It's where the stomach muscles don't work as well and food does not get digested properly. I have to change my diet and the way I eat and am only supposed to eat foods that are easily digestible from now on. I'm still figuring out what I can and can't eat, and dealing with nausea, stomach pain, and GERD on a daily basis. I've lived with several chronic illnesses for over a decade, so I'm used to dealing with this type of thing, and I'll admit that I am disabled and proud. But this is very frustrating and more than a little daunting and GP can have serious health repercussions like malnutrition or anemia. And please don't send messages with diet suggestions- I'm supposed to be eating what's called a low residue diet, and that's all. To top things off, the doctors thought I had cancer last month and I had to have a bunch of tests for that. That was majorly stressful, and I can report that all tests were negative.
So that's one reason of many that I haven't been writing, or publishing, as much. I've spent a lot of time driving back and forth to specialists and getting tests done, and when you live with chronic pain and chronic illnesses, going to an appointment, even if it's to see a doctor, can be exhausting. Writing and reading fanfic is one of my respites from all my health stuff, but I haven't had much energy lately beyond caring for myself and my family. I'm hoping that once I get my diet figured out and am dealing with food better I'll have more energy and time to devote to writing again.
Now that I've gotten that out of the way, I want to talk about something else. I've been writing Charlie's story since November 2016 and to be honest I'm getting a little burned out. "Becoming a Winchester" has over 180 followers, and less than 20 of those followers have ever left reviews. And even less than that are consistent reviewers, writing something for almost every chapter. I'm not trying to call people out, or embarrass anyone, or guilt people into leaving reviews. But it's very frustrating to do a lot of work on writing and publishing chapter after chapter and barely get any reviews or acknowledgement. AND I'm not saying that I only write to get reviews, because I don't, but that acknowledgement from people is a good thing and all writers want it.
Chapter 92 got 532 views last month and... 11 reviews. The whole story itself gets at least 100 views every day, if not more. This tells me that there are people who are looking at and reading it every day. But people have started leaving comments on other fics like "Next chapter now!" and then I get a review from a guest on this fic saying "Are you dead?" That's all, not, "Hey you haven't updated in a while, are you okay? I miss this story, love how you write xyz." Let me tell you, demanding more chapters and leaving rude comments is the EXACT opposite of motivating.
And I feel like, why should I continue putting so much time and effort into writing, when I'm barely going to get any acknowledgement? For me, sharing my writing is a two-way street- readers love it when an author updates, and the author loves it when people respond to their update with feedback. I enjoy hearing from people and knowing that I've made their day, or that they laughed about something I wrote, or even that something I had a character do annoyed them. I'm actually considering ending some of my fics, just so I don't have the pressure of an unfinished fic hanging over my head, and I won't get any more demanding comments. And honestly, after that last comment I'm considering ending Charlie's fic. I am taking time out of my busy life to write and publish stories for you to read, for free, out of my love of Supernatural and of writing. So show support, leave reviews and comments, not just on my fics, but on all the fics you enjoy. It really does help grease the creative wheels and makes the muse happy. And a happy muse means more writing, and more stories. If you've never left a review before, try it. I guarantee you will make a fanfic writer happy.
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We were running around in the yard playing Freeze Tag. Franny ran up to one of the boys and touched him, shouting, "Petrificus Totalus!"
I stopped. "Hey, you like Harry Potter?" I asked.
She beamed at me. "Yeah, I love it!"
"Cool!" I started running again.
Franny's mom came over to us. "Franny, I want you to take a break now. Come and have a drink."
"Aww Mom!" she complained, but she jogged over to her mom. "Someone else has to be It."
"I'll be It!" a boy named Tim said.
I followed Franny over to the chairs, and she sat down in one. Her mom handed her a juice box.
"Have you read all the books?" I asked Franny.
"Yeah, when I was in the hospital I listened to the audiobooks while I was getting my treatments. And then I watched the movies at home." She took a drink.
"I haven't seen all the movies yet, but I read all the books. Who's your favorite character?" I asked.
"Hermione, of course!"
"Yeah!" I held my hand up and she high-fived me. We grinned at each other.
Franny was Addi's next door neighbor. She had been in the hospital last year, being treated for a kind of cancer. She had gotten pneumonia recently and had to go back into the hospital for a while. There were a lot of people on the front lawn, talking, and a lot of kids running around playing. When Daddy had gotten home from work, he had walked over, and he and Uncle Sam had been talking to Franny's dad.
I walked over to the table where all the food was set out and got myself a juice box. As I started to walk over to Franny, I saw Macy and Cara running up the sidewalk, followed by their mom.
"Fanny!" Cara exclaimed, coming over to Franny. Macy was holding a gift bag, and she handed it to Franny. "Welcome home!" Macy grinned.
I saw Stella go over to Franny's mom and they hugged.
"Thanks, Mace!" Franny took the bag from her. "How are you?"
"M'okay. You gotta come to our house an' do art with me, I got a easel for Christmas!" Macy said.
"Okay!" Franny replied with a smile.
Cara was looking over at the table with all the food on it. "Go ask your mom if you can have some, there's M&M cookies," Franny told her.
Cara's eyes lit up. "Emmy tookies!" she grabbed Macy's hand, and they ran over to her mom. Cara started to yank on her mom's pants.
Franny laughed. "She's so funny." Stella looked over at us and waved, and Franny waved and called, "Hi Aunt Stella!" She looked at me. "She's not really my aunt, but her and my mom went to college together, so it's like she is my aunt, y'know?"
"That's neat. She's nice," I said.
Addi came over to us. "Hey Franny, want to go into my house and do makeup?"
"No, my mom doesn't want me to do any of that because of the smells. I had a bad reaction to a chemical smell at the hospital and she wants me to be careful of anything that's strong smelling."
"Make-up doesn't smell that bad!" Addi made a face.
"Some of it does, and my mom said no, so I can't," Franny told her.
"Okay, fine," Addi huffed and then walked away.
Franny rolled her eyes. "Addi and her sister can be kinda obnoxious sometimes, their parents give them whatever they want and they think that everyone is going to do that. You just gotta tell them no."
"Yeah," I didn't think I should say anything else about it.
A couple other people came over and gave Franny presents, and then her mom came over to us and said that she could open them.
A bunch of kids came over and watched her open her presents. Franny's Dad went inside for a while and then came out with a big tray of hot dogs for people who wanted it.
Daddy came over to me and said that we should go home and have dinner there, so I said good bye to everyone and we walked back to our house with Uncle Sam.
When we got inside, Daddy went to change his clothes and I set the table. Uncle Sam started a big pot of water to make pasta.
Daddy came into the kitchen and scooped me up into a tight hug. "What're you doing, Daddy?" I gasped.
He kissed the side of my head. "We were talking to Franny's Dad about what it's like to have a kid in the hospital, and I just...it brought back memories of when you were—in the hospital. I'm just so thankful that everything worked out with you, and you're okay now." He hugged me tightly again.
"Me too, Daddy. Franny seems nice. She likes Harry Potter!"
"Yeah, her parents seem pretty nice too. I hope you can get a chance to hang out with her." Daddy sat down and put me in his lap.
I started to get down and he stopped me. "I just want to hold you for a few minutes, Charlie, okay?" he asked. I looked at him, he looked a little bit sad.
"Okay," I agreed, and leaned back against him. He stroked my hair back from my face and rubbed my back as he and Uncle Sam talked.
When we sat down to eat, Uncle Sam said, "Tomorrow, Macy and Cara are coming over in the afternoon."
"They are? Why?" I asked.
"Stella has some meeting for court or something, and it's in the afternoon, when her girls are at home. After she picks them up from preschool and gives them lunch, they'll come here. It should only be for a couple of hours," Uncle Sam explained.
"Court? Everything okay?" Daddy raised his eyebrows.
"Yeah, something about the separation agreement with her husband, they have to update something."
"Glad I never had to deal with any of that," Daddy shook his head. He looked at me. "Well, that should be interesting, having them come here. Make sure your room is clean."
"Okay, Daddy," I agreed.
After dinner, I straightened all my figurines and put my books away, and then I took a bath. I watched one of my cooking contest shows with Daddy and Uncle Sam, and then went to bed.
The next day I worked hard to make sure that all my schoolwork was finished by lunchtime.
I was sitting anxiously on the sofa when the doorbell rang.
Uncle Sam went to answer the door, and he let Stella in. She was carrying Cara on her hip, and a tote bag.
"This is normally rest time for them, so if they get tired, they can lay down. But I doubt that will happen," Stella said. She set Cara down and put the bag on the coffee table.
Grandpa John came out of the kitchen with a cup of coffee.
Cara stepped close to her mom and grabbed her leg.
"Who's that?" Macy whispered.
"This is my Dad, Charlie's Grandpa John," Uncle Sam introduced. "This is Stella," she stepped forward and they shook hands. "And this is Macy and Cara."
"Hi there," Grandpa John looked a little uncomfortable.
Macy tugged on Stella's hand. Stella leaned down. "He's not old like PawPaw Harold," she said in a loud whisper.
"No, I guess not. Grandpas can be different ages," Stella replied.
Uncle Sam and Grandpa John chuckled. "Well, thanks for making me feel like I'm not too old," Grandpa John grinned.
"All right, girls, be good," Stella kissed Macy and then Cara. "Cara, do you need to use the rest room?"
Cara shook her head. Stella straightened up and said to Uncle Sam, "Just ask her from time to time, she's still getting used to it."
"Okay," Uncle Sam nodded. Grandpa John walked down the hall to his room, and Stella left.
Cara looked like she was going to cry, so I said quickly, "Want to go to my room and see my toys?"
"Okay!" Macy took Cara's hand. "C'mon, Cara!"
It was slow walking up the stairs because Cara had to step up onto each step. "Dis a big steps," she said.
They were both amazed at all the figurines I had. Cara was fascinated by the Polly Pocket dolls and the little buildings that went with them. She laid down on her tummy in front of the shelf and played by herself, so Macy and I played with the Hello Kitty figurines.
There was a knock on the door jamb. Uncle Sam stood there. "When you're hungry, I've got a snack."
Cara sat up, her eyes lighting up. "Nack!"
Macy laughed. "She's always hungry!"
Cara stood up and walked over to Uncle Sam. "I has Sinna-wenna unna-pannies!" she said proudly, lifting her skirt up to show off her panties.
"Uh- 'Sinna-wenna'?" Uncle Sam asked in confusion.
Macy came over. "That's how she says Cinderella. Cara, you're not s'posed to show your underpanties to everyone, 'member? Mommy said!"
Cara frowned. "But I a big giwl!"
"I know, but you're s'posed to tell people, not show 'em!" Macy rolled her eyes and made Cara let go of her skirt. Cara looked upset.
"That's very, uh, nice," Uncle Sam said quickly.
"She got to get princess underpanties 'cause she stayed dry for a week at night," Macy explained.
"I see. Well, do you want to come downstairs?" Uncle Sam asked.
He walked down the stairs in front of us, turning at the bottom to wait. It took a while because Cara sat and scooted down each step on her bottom.
"We don't got big stairs like this at our house, 'cept the basement, but we don't go down there," Macy told us.
Uncle Sam had set out bowls of goldfish crackers and apple slices on the kitchen table. Cara had to kneel on her chair because she was too small to see over the table.
Grandpa John came into the kitchen to get more coffee. He leaned against the counter next to Uncle Sam. "How's it going?" he asked.
"Good," I replied.
"You got a pipe?" Cara asked, looking at Grandpa John.
Grandpa John frowned. "I'm sorry, I don't understand."
"Our PawPaw Harold smokes a pipe. He makes smoke rings for us," Macy said.
"Oh. No, I don't smoke a pipe," Grandpa John said. He stepped forward and picked up an apple slice.
"Wets pway fissies!" Cara giggled and threw a goldfish at Macy.
"Heeeey, no throwing!" Macy said, and she threw the goldfish back.
Cara tried to catch it in her mouth, and she leaned too far, and lost her balance. She tumbled out of the chair onto the floor, and we gasped.
She laid there for a moment, and then sat up and wailed. Macy started to climb down off her chair. "It's ok-"
Cara stood up and ran over to Grandpa John, throwing herself at his legs. "I bumpeded my heeeeead!" she howled.
Grandpa John looked shocked for a moment, and then he leaned down and picked her up. He felt around on her head and then looked at Uncle Sam. "Yeah, she's got a goose-egg coming up."
Uncle Sam got out a plastic baggie and put some ice in it while Grandpa John sat down and put Cara in his lap. She leaned her head on his shoulder and put her arms around him, and he rubbed her back. It felt weird to me to see Grandpa John hugging another kid.
Uncle Sam wrapped the baggie with ice in a paper towel and handed it to Grandpa John. He held the baggie on Cara's head as she sniffled.
"Do you want to watch something?" Uncle Sam asked.
"We watch Forest Friends after rest time," Macy told him.
"Well, we can see if we can find that," Uncle Sam said.
"Wanna sit wif Gwampa," Cara sniffled.
"Uh-okay," Grandpa John picked her up and walked into the living room. He sat down on the sofa with us and Uncle Sam found the show. It was a cartoon about families of forest animals, and each family had a little song. Macy and Cara sang along with each one.
Cara played with the buttons on Grandpa John's flannel. She rubbed her hand on it and said, "Soft," and then she leaned on his chest.
A couple minutes later I looked over and her eyes had closed. She slowly brought her hand up to her face and put her thumb in her mouth. I poked Grandpa John's arm and pointed, and he looked down.
"Oh," he said quietly, "I guess I'm here with you for now. Could you bring me my coffee?"
"Sure," I got off the sofa and went to get his mug. I handed it to him and he took a drink, and then I took it and put it on the table. I sat next to Macy again and we watched the rest of the show.
"This is called Alphabet City!" Macy said as another show came on. "It's really cool!"
It was a show for little kids to teach them about reading. The show was about halfway over when there was a knock on the door.
Uncle Sam walked over and opened it, and Stella came in. She walked over to us. "Wow, I never thought I'd see this," she gestured at Cara. "She's usually very shy with men she doesn't know."
"She fell off of her chair and bumped her head, and was crying. She seemed to take a shine to him," Uncle Sam said.
"Not sure why," Grandpa John grinned.
"Because she could see through your gruff exterior that you're just an old softy now," Uncle Sam grinned back at him.
"I'll take her," Stella leaned over and picked Cara up. She opened her eyes. "Mommy, I fawwed down," she said.
"I heard. You're okay now?" Stella asked.
"Yup," Cara agreed, sticking her thumb back in her mouth.
Stella picked up the bag. "Thank you for watching them," she said gratefully, "We'll have to have Charlie over as a thank you. Say good-bye, girls."
Macy got off the sofa. "Bye!"
Cara lifted her head. "Bye Taw-ee, bye Unca, bye Gwampa," she said around her thumb.
Uncle Sam closed the door after Stella left.
"Well, that was unusual," Grandpa John said with a smile.
"You're a good grandpa!" I leaned over and hugged him.
"Thank you, darlin'," he put his arm around me and dropped a kiss on the top of my head. "I must be finally getting the hang of this Grandpa thing."
"We should talk about your birthday, Charlie," Uncle Sam came over and sat down next to me, "Your Dad said you talked about it, you want to have a party? We should decide who you want to invite."