AN: Hi guys! Hope you're all well and being safe out there! If any of my readers are essential workers, or you're in a place where your safety isn't being taken seriously, my heart and thoughts are with you. Please just do your best to take care of yourself x.

"You really worry me sometimes, Kise."

"Mou, Aominecchi! You can't take advantage of my tracking skills if you're just going to insult me the whole time."

Ryouta, strolling down the streets of Namimori with the same tilt to his nose as a curious cat, turned to shoot his friend a half-hearted pout. He couldn't maintain a full one right now; he was on his way to see Kurokocchi! And Momocchi!

Who were dating.

And they hadn't told him. Well, okay, they apparently hadn't told anyone, if Aominecchi hadn't even known, but still! Hadn't Ryouta been Momocchi's confidant all these years? How many times had they gone out for coffee, only to spend the whole time gushing over Kurokocchi? Wasn't Ryouta the one person on earth who completely understood Momocchi's feelings for Kurokocchi without being in competition with her?

The metaphorical raincloud over Ryouta's head was growing bigger and darker with each passing thought.

At his back, Aomine and Kagami exchanged looks, for once on the same page.

Ryouta ignored them. Those two were pure basketball idiots who cared about nothing but the game. How could they understand what Ryouta was feeling?

When his phone rang in his pocket, Ryouta barely took a second to check who it was before answering.

"Akashicchiiiiiii!" He wailed. "Kurokocchi and Momocchi have been keeping things from me!"

"Kise."

The undercurrent of fondness in Akashicchi's voice made Ryouta feel all warm inside. It had been a long while since their old captain had sounded like that, and Ryouta was surprised to find just how much he had missed it.

Besides, original Akashi was far more sympathetic than the scary Akashi.

"They're dating, Akashicchi!" Ryouta sobbed out. "Dating! And they didn't tell me!"

"What?" Even Akashicchi sounded startled. Akashicchi! Who knew everything about them, even when they didn't want him to know! "I don't think that's true, Kise."

"That's what Aominecchi and Kagamicchi said! Kurokocchi brought Momocchi to Namimori to meet his family!"

Despite his protests, Ryouta felt himself start to calm down. Akashicchi was never wrong. If he was sure, then Ryouta would believe him.

His friend hummed. "It is true that Kuroko has family in Namimori. However, he had never met them before this weekend. In fact, it is due to Momoi's investigative skills that he found out about them and was able to establish contact."

"And bringing Momocchi with him was Kurokocchi's way of saying thank you!" Ryouta cried. The relief flooding his system almost brought him to his knees. Honestly, if Momocchi ever dared to actually keep something like that from him, Ryouta's meltdown would be astronomical. Nobody would ever recover from it.

Akashicchi chuckled. "It seems so. But if you are content with that answer, may I get on with my reason for calling?"

"Oh! Sorry, Akashicchi, of course! Just a second, though."

Turning around to face the other two, Ryouta put on his best disapproving frown. "It was really mean of Aominecchi and Kagamicchi to scare me like that," he said severely. "Kurokocchi and Momocchi are not dating. I almost had a heart attack for no reason."

Kagamicchi looked long-suffering, and Aominecchi drew his head back like he was about to argue, but Ryouta didn't want to hear it. Akashicchi was Akashicchi, and Akashicchi was always right. Aominecchi could suck his dick.

"Done?" The amount of wry fondness packed into that one word was amazing.

It made Ryouta smile.

"Yup! Go ahead, Akashicchi!"

"This is going to sound a little strange," his old captain sounded super serious all of a sudden. "But when you three catch up with Kuroko and Momoi, there will most likely be an infant with them. I need you to watch him."

….what.

Confused didn't even begin to cover it.

Ryouta pulled his phone away from his ear in order to stare at it. Was Akashicchi high? He'd sounded fine through the first half of the conversation…

"I'm not high, Kise."

"Uwah!" Ryouta jumped, eyes darting about frantically. He'd even said it loud enough that Ryouta could still hear him even with his phone away from his ear; Akashicchi's special powers were coming back into play!

"I'm also not spying on you, Kise." Akashicchi sighed. "I just know you."

A little too well, if you asked Ryouta. But he supposed that that had always been the case. It'd just been a long time since any of them had had any real conversations; Ryouta had forgotten how creepy Akashicchi could get.

But back to the baby.

"Um, Akashicchi? Why exactly do you want us to keep an eye on an infant?"

Out of the corner of his eye, Ryouta saw Aominecchi and Kagamicchi's faces scrunch up. Knowing that Aominecchi was two seconds away from opening his giant gob, Ryouta quickly put his phone on loudspeaker. He gestured his friends closer; his manager would have Ryouta's head if he was overheard having such a weird conversation in public.

Akashicchi chuckled. "Hello Aomine, Kagami."

"Geh."

"Hrk!"

"What the fuck."

That last, flat statement of course came from Kagamicchi. He looked a little spooked; the poor guy was darting paranoid glances over his shoulders like an overgrown red rabbit.

Aominecchi, on the other hand, looked like he'd been slapped in the face with the same memory that Ryouta had. He growled.

"I forgot you could do that. It's just as freaky as ever, Akashi."

While that was true, Ryouta was itching to know why he'd been asked such an odd favour. The way he'd worded it, Akashicchi sounded wary of the baby. It wasn't the weirdest thing Akashicchi had ever asked of him (honestly, now that Ryouta was thinking about it, what the hell had they been getting up to in middle school?), but still. It was up there.

Elbowing Aominecchi before he could offer up any more commentary, Ryouta was just about to repeat his question when-

"I'm getting there, Kise."

"Akashicchi!"

Ryouta manfully resisted stomping his feet. Old Akashicchi really was back; acting like a mind-reading weirdo to freak them all out was something he used to do for fun all the time, the jerk. And he'd even started teaching Kurokocchi and Momocchi!

"Apologies, Kise. I'm done now." The smile in Akashicchi's voice more than made up for any ire Ryouta may have felt. "And to answer your question – he's dangerous. No, I am not joking, Aomine." There was a pause, during which Aominecchi closed his mouth, scowling, and Ryouta imagined that Akashicchi was almost definitely smirking.

"As I was saying," he continued, amusement fading away. "Kuroko's cousin is in contact with some very dangerous people. I cannot explain to you why, but please take me seriously when I say that that baby is one of those people. Do not do anything to draw his attention to yourselves, or let on that you were given any sort of warning about him. I'm sure Kuroko and Momoi have already caught his interest, so please, please, make sure they're safe. Stay in contact with me the whole time. I want to know every move that baby makes, do you hear me, you three?"

Red met blue met gold.

It was obvious, wasn't it?

Despite the ridiculousness, despite the secrecy, despite their rocky relationships, even despite the fact that Akashicchi had never held any authority whatsoever over Kagamicchi…

"We hear you."

AN: Writing Kise is... exhausting. So many 'cchi's so little spaces between. Anyways, hope you enjoyed the update. Thank you to everybody who keeps up, and to all you new readers as well. Be safe guys(:

Recs: Consent by BeyondMyReach. It's a fun little oneshot that makes me giggle every time. Also A Mother's Love by VividViridian, which is unfortunately incomplete and hasn't been updated since 2015, BUT! One of my favourite Nana-centric fics, and the four chapters it has are really good. Catch y'all on the next update!

- Kelly