Heaviness
It felt like a heavy wet blanket was weighing her down. Like she was swimming to the surface of the ocean but no matter how hard she tried to reach it she was pulled down into the dark depths once again. As much as she wanted to join the land of the living, it just didn't seem possible right now.
She heard voices. They were female and friendly, but she couldn't understand what they were saying no matter how hard she tried to be still and listen. They seemed right next to her but so far in the distance at the same time. It was the strangest feeling and she didn't like it.
The feeling of exhaustion was overwhelming. Her eyes were extremely heavy, and she had no strength to try to open them. Her will to do so was waning with each passing moment. It felt as if her arms and legs were tied down, preventing her from moving them, but she realized that she hadn't even tried. It was all very confusing. She wanted nothing more than to rest for as long as humanly possible and gave up on the will to stay conscious.
And then she heard a different voice.
This voice was much deeper. All male. And it was so familiar. Like the moment the music to your favorite song starts, and as it begins to play, your brain scrambles to try to recall the first words before they are spoken. This voice stirred something in her. Some deep sense of longing. And though she couldn't understand what he was saying, and his voice was muffled beyond comprehension, she knew she had to continue to hear it.
So, she swam harder and faster to the surface. And once she reached it, it seemed as if something was grasping her ankle to pull her down once again to the blissfully contented rest. But this time she fought against it. She kicked harder.
His voice became a little clearer and she heard him speak her name.
She kicked even harder against the imaginary hand that tried to hold her down, determined to break through the surface this time. She felt the surface touch the top of her head. She was getting closer to the voice and the man it belonged to. Fighting as hard as she could, she willed her eyes to open. The simple task felt like a huge burden she would never accomplish. As much as the heavy tired feeling clung to her, she concentrated on opening her eyes.
When they finally did open, everything was so bright. It took a few minutes to adjust from the darkness she had been living in. Swallowing, her throat felt as dry as a desert. A yawn escaped her mouth and she blinked a few times to put everything into perspective. Something squeezed her hand. Her vision immediately was clearer, and she was greeted by the most handsome face she had ever seen in her life.
Fitz
He was sitting in a chair beside her and he smiled at her, a strange little smile. And then he closed his eyes and brought her hand to his lips, placing a soft gentle kiss on her knuckles. He intertwined their fingers and brought the back of her hand to his cheek before looking her in the eye and saying, "hi."
It felt like she hadn't seen him in ages. She returned the smile as well as the greeting before she began to caress his cheek. "Hi."
He had on his tuxedo. The tie was undone and hanging loosely from his neck. She immediately thought it was sexy, but at the same time, Fitz in a tuxedo was something Olivia found very strange under the circumstances. Why would he be in her bedroom wearing a tux?
And then she looked around the room. The lights were bright and harsh in here. There was a constant beeping noise and the bed was a lot smaller than the one she usually slept in. Her eyes went wide, and panic bubbled inside of her as she realized exactly where she was. "Fitz!"
His name came out a bit louder than a whisper. "Why! What? How?"
He got in her face to keep her focus on him. It steadied her some. "Hey. You are in the hospital, but everything is okay."
Olivia couldn't help but feel that he was sugar coating things some. She sat up a little straighter in the bed. She squinted as she tried to remember what had happened to bring her here. "The party" she croaked out. "There was a shooting."
"That's right." Fitz said in a soothing tone. He was equally relieved and saddened that she could remember so quickly after coming around.
"Were you shot?" she asked and began to pat his body all over.
"No. I'm okay." he assured her. Leave it to Olivia to make sure that he was alright before asking about herself.
Her eyes doubled in size and she looked down at herself. "Was I shot?"
He held both of her hands in his and gave her a firmer tone. "No. Other than a sprained wrist, you are absolutely fine. Do you hear me?"
Olivia nodded, feeling tears sting her eyes.
"Listen, you are going to have a lot of questions about what happened. I will tell you the truth about every single one that I have an answer to, and then we need to talk about a few things. Is that alright?"
"Yes." She swallowed again, still feeling parched. "Can I please have some water first?"
Fitz poured some water from the small pink pitcher into the cup with the hospital name on it with a white accordion straw standing at attention. He watched her take a few sips as he held down a button on her bed that had her sitting up. He settled himself on the chair he had been sitting on for the past few hours and waited for her questions. It was good to have her back.
Olivia didn't know where to begin. She needed answers to so many things. First things first. "Did they catch the person who did the shooting?"
Fitz solemnly shook his head back and forth. "I was told that Secret Service killed him just before he turned his gun on the crowd."
"I hate that his life was ended, but he had to be stopped. Was anyone killed as a result of his actions?"
She was starting to sound presidential to Fitz's ears and it did his heart good. He knew this conversation would not be a pleasant one, but he promised to give honest answers and he wasn't about to back down now. "I'm afraid so. Two people were killed. Nineteen were wounded. None of the wounded were seriously hurt, and most have already been released from the hospital. One needed to be monitored overnight from what I'm told."
"I'll have to get a list of names of all the wounded as well as the names of the two people who were killed and call the families to express my condolences personally. Do you have that list?"
"I do."
"May I have it please? I'd like to look over it to see if I am personally familiar with anyone on it. I practically hand picked everyone who would be in attendance tonight."
"Liv..." Fitz began. "You need to know something before I give you the list."
She looked into his blue eyes and saw that the troubling gray was prominent. Her eyebrows dropped and she asked, "Fitz? What is it? What's the matter?"
"There's a name on the list that is very familiar to you. In fact, it may be difficult for you to hear it."
"Who is it?" she asked.
Fitz took a deep breath and held it for a long moment before releasing it.
"Fitz?"
"It's William."
Olivia gasped and her eyes went wide.
Fitz knew that she wouldn't want emotions. She would want the cold hard facts. So, like a bandage, he pulled it off quickly. "He was shot in the chest and neck. The doctor said that the bullet in his neck hit his carotid artery. He was rushed into surgery the second you were both brought here, but he didn't stand a chance. He died on the operating table. I'm very sorry, Liv."
She brought the straw to her lips and took another long sip of water. Will was dead. She thought back to the last conversation she had with him. It had been ugly and mean and meant to hurt him, like he had hurt her over the years. It hadn't hurt him though. Somehow, he had turned the tables and once again he had hurt Olivia instead. She hadn't even gotten the chance to sing happy birthday to him because gunfire had erupted in the ballroom.
Her husband was dead as a result.
Looking over at Fitz, she held his hand tighter and looked at their joined hands. Lifting her head to look him in the eye she quietly asked, "is it bad that I'm not crying?"
"No." he assured her. "Liv, you've been through an emotional night. You're just coming around after being sedated, and you're hearing difficult news. How you process it is how you process it. I'm not going to judge that."
"He was..." Olivia would be forced to speak his name more times than she would care to over the next few weeks. She wasn't going to say it now if she didn't have to, and Olivia knew that Fitz would support her decision. "He was just a horrible man. All the way to his core. There wasn't one redeemable quality about him."
She had to change the subject. "Do you know who the other person is that was killed?"
"Not personally. Huck did some digging though. He was a college buddy of William's. I'm not sure how he got into the party, but..."
"I invited him." Olivia whispered. "He played a part in enabling Will to spend time with one particular woman. I was going to confront him about it."
Fitz sighed. "I hate to be the one to say it, but since you can't, it's probably for the best that he's gone."
"You can't say that." Olivia whispered in a shocked tone.
"Hell yes I can. It's one less person causing you pain with this whole thing." He needed to shut the hell up. The ranting and raving weren't helping the situation. "I'm sorry. What other questions do you have?"
She tried to think of where to begin. Fitz had brought someone with him to the party. "Did Miranda get hurt at all?"
"Not directly. I think she was standing next to someone who was wounded or killed. She had blood spattered all over her gown. When I got down to the ballroom and saw her, she was in shock. She was brought here by ambulance and she's the one they are keeping overnight for observation."
"Poor thing. She's never going to attend another party with you again." Olivia half joked.
"I wouldn't blame her."
"How long were you out on the balcony before you went down to the ballroom?" Olivia asked.
"I was up there realizing that I never asked you about..." His voice drifted off and he changed the subject. "When the shooting started. That's when I made my way down there. I had to find you to make sure you were alright. By the time I fought through the sea of people trying to escape you were already gone."
She gripped his hand harder. "I knew there was nothing I could do to get the ambulance driver to turn around and look for you, so I kept quiet. But once we reached the hospital I begged for information. Anyone who would listen. I had to know that you were alive. I even tried to leave the hospital."
Fitz glanced at the door and saw Huck's back standing in front of the glass, blocking anyone's view into the room. He climbed onto the bed and held Olivia in his arms, being mindful of her bad wrist. It felt good to have her close to him again after everything they had been through that night.
"Fitz, I don't think we should be..." Olivia began in a panicked tone.
"Huck is on the door. He won't let anyone in here. Not even hospital staff if we don't want them. He..."
Olivia tried to pull out of his embrace. "Huck can't..."
"He knows, Liv." Fitz said matter of factly.
"What? How? He can't know about us!" Olivia sputtered and tried to get out of bed.
Fitz easily held her in place. "And yet he does know about us. He's not going to say anything to anyone. He is loyal, Liv. He's the only person, other than you, that I trust with my life."
She laid her head back down against his chest. "It's just strange that someone other than you and I and Tom knows about us."
"I didn't realize he knew until tonight. He just vaporized at the hospital, on your well-guarded floor no less, and wanted to make sure I was okay. Asked me what I needed and then said he knew about us."
"Wow. Huck is a good guy to have on our side."
"He's the best. Just don't tell him I said that. He'd get a swelled head and be impossible to work with."
She wrapped her arms around his waist. "Right now, I'm just so glad that you're okay. I was out of my mind with worry that you had been hurt or...or worse."
"I was struggling with those same worries at the White House. I was desperate for answers, but even that wasn't enough. Even if I never got to be near you, I had to see you with my own eyes. It was the strangest damned thing." He held her tighter and reminded his heart that she was fine.
"What was it you never asked me about?" Olivia murmured from the safety of his embrace.
Shit. He wondered how he could spin that.
And then he realized that he didn't want to. It was happy news. Maybe the only happy news to come out of this whole clusterfuck of a nightmare. He pulled away from her to look her in the eye. "Cyrus and I met with the doctor who treated you. He's the one who told us about Will. He also told us about your sprained wrist and the reason they had to sedate you. Apparently, it's frowned upon for a sitting President to attempt to escape the hospital when she's frantic."
Olivia squeezed him a little harder.
"Anyways, the doctor told us that when you were brought in, they did some blood work and it was discovered that you were...pregnant." Fitz told her.
She stared at him for a moment before her eyes moved around the room, searching for understanding. When her eyes landed on his once again, she quietly asked, "were?"
"What?" he asked in genuine confusion.
"You said they discovered that I was pregnant..."
"Liv..."
"Past tense."
"Hey."
"So, I lost it?" She began to cry and buried her face in his broad chest. "How can it hurt so much to lose something I didn't even know I had?"
"Liv, look at me." Fitz said patiently. He swiped her tears away with his fingers and waited for her to open her eyes. Explaining to her the situation wasn't going to be easy. "You are still pregnant."
"I am?"
He kissed her forehead. "Yes. You need to know that the doctor seems to think that it's only a matter of time before you lose it though. He said the stress of the situation was bad enough. Your Secret Service agents unexpectedly forcing you to the ground and piling up on top of you to shield you from bullets didn't help matters. It's...not a good outlook for the pregnancy, I'm afraid."
"I want to see my baby."
He had heard her perfectly well. "I beg your pardon?"
"I know that you heard me, Fitz. I want to see what's going on in there."
"Liv, I really don't think that's a good idea." Fitz told her. He didn't want to be the one talking sensibly right now. Having to point out the fact that his son or daughter might not survive was not high on his list of things Fitz wanted to deal with today.
"Why not?"
"What if..." he turned away from her and began to get to his feet. But she pulled him back towards her. "What if they do an ultrasound and the baby is already gone?"
"But what if she isn't? Fitz, don't you want to see her in there while we can? Besides, she's part you and part me. She's bound to be stubborn as hell. I think she has a fighting chance to make it."
Liv had a point, he conceded. He just wanted to make sure she was aware of the risks. "Okay. I'll go find the doctor and tell him what you want."
"It's for you too, Fitz." she told him.
"Right, but I won't be able to be in there with you to see everything." he reminded her.
"You're right and I'm sorry. But I will make sure that they record the entire thing so you can watch it afterwards. It's something." she offered.
"Yea" he said quietly.
"Hey. I love you." she told him.
"I love you too" he replied. "I'm very glad that you're okay." Fitz got to his feet and went to her hospital room door. He had a brief conversation with Huck, who stayed in place, and then Fitz went to go get the doctor to tell him what the President wanted.
When Fitz returned with the doctor, Olivia was coming out of the bathroom. She had tears running down her cheeks and a wild look on her face and both hands on her belly. Her eyes went from the doctor to Fitz and back to the doctor again. "I'm...I'm bleeding."
Fitz had to force himself to stay in place and not rush to her side, acting the part of the scared and worried partner. Instead, he watched the doctor go to her and in hushed tones ask a few questions as he helped her back onto the hospital bed.
Turning to look at Fitz, he said, "I need to check her. She may be losing the baby now."
She was curled up on the narrow hospital bed, clutching her stomach and wincing in pain. It took her a minute, but she finally got the words out, "I want him to stay."
"Ms. Pope!" The physician hissed. "I don't think you know what you're saying. I am going to check your cervix. If it's open that means you have lost your baby. Now, you don't really want Mr. Grant to stay in this room while I check you?"
Fitz wanted to excuse himself and spare the doctor the dressing down he was about to get, but Olivia was quicker. He clamped his lips together and avoided eye contact with either of them.
"I am the President of the United States. I am arguably the most powerful woman in the world! My husband is dead, I have no immediate family, and Mr. Grant is a family friend as well as someone who works closely with my administration. If I say I want him to stay for moral support, that's exactly what I mean. I. Want. Him. To stay." Olivia saw the physician's eyes lower in fear, much like a wounded dog. "Please don't question me again. Now, let's get on with it."
Fitz didn't know where to go or exactly where he should stand, so he stayed in place near the door until Olivia called him to her side. The doctor had pushed the call button from Olivia's bed and a nurse came in. She pulled a clean sheet from a drawer in the room and draped it over Olivia's waist. It all happened so quickly it was practically a blur.
The physician explained to Olivia and Fitz that her cervix was open, signaling that she was most likely experiencing a miscarriage. Olivia turned her head in the opposite direction and began to cry silently. Fitz wanted to punch someone or something, but instead focused on the information being given to them and kept his face blank of emotion.
"What is the next step?" he asked from Olivia's side.
"I'll take her blood to check her hCG levels and then I'll perform an ultrasound to see if a healthy gestational sac and placenta can be found. We'll know for sure after we do these two things. Some bleeding is not at all uncommon during pregnancy, but the amount of blood loss the President is experiencing is definitely an indicator that this is an inevitable miscarriage. The open cervix is the body's way to naturally expel the pregnancy."
Fitz breathed in deeply and clenched his jaw to stop himself from barking orders for the little man in the white coat to make it stop!
"I wish the news was better. I'm so very sorry."
"There's still a chance." Olivia whispered between the tears. She hadn't moved, but she had heard every word. She was holding onto hope for as long as she could.
"I'll go order the bloodwork and once it's finished, we'll take you up to get the ultrasound done." The doctor told them before leaving the room.
Fitz glanced at the door once the doc had left them. He saw Huck glance inside the room and make eye contact with him momentarily before turning around to face the hall. A thousand words were exchanged between the two men in that brief glance. They'd talk later. But now he had to focus on Liv.
He pulled the chair back beside her bed and reached for her hand. It was killing him to see her so broken. He started to rub gentle little circles on her hand, wishing for the right words to come to him. To be able to soothe out the rough edges of her hurting heart. Nothing came to him, so he decided to wing it. "Livvie?" he says softly.
Olivia didn't move.
"I know you don't want to talk, and that's okay. You can listen to me. I'm not going to sit here and tell you that I know how you're feeling because I don't. I've never been through this before. I feel...lost. And I hurt too, because this baby is mine and I don't want to lose it either. But I can't say that. I've got to hold it all together, so no one suspects that I'm emotionally attached to it or to you. It's very..." He takes a shaky deep breath in. "...frustrating."
Olivia turns over in the bed, toward him, and puts her other hand on top of their joined ones. Lifting it, she cups his cheek and strokes it with her thumb. "I'm sorry, Fitz. I didn't mean for..."
"No." His free hand comes up to rest on top of the one she has on his cheek and his intense blue eyes lock with her sad large brown ones. "Please don't say you're sorry. You didn't do anything wrong. Do you hear me? Nothing!"
She nods as the tears flow down her cheeks and keeps his gaze. "I feel like I've wasted so much of my life with Will. Even if nothing that happened tonight had anything to do with the possibility of us losing this baby, my age is definitely a factor too."
He opened his mouth to speak, but she shook her head back and forth and kept talking.
"I should have divorced him a long time ago and you and I should have gotten married and been the First Family. Maybe then, none of this would have happened." She started sobbing again.
"Hey, we can't couldda wouldda shouldda our lives. We can only take what's happened, right where we are now, and learn from it."
"What are we supposed to learn from this, Fitz?" she asked bitterly.
He waited until she was looking him in the eye again. "We know that we want to be together. In public. Not hiding in the shadows. So, we come up with a plan to make that happen."
"We can't be together publicly. My husband just died, and the nation will be expecting a grieving widow for a while. I can't be seen with anyone in the romantic sense for quite some time."
"That's right. For a while."
She shot him an impatient expression.
"Look, you are going to have to take some time to publicly grieve him. There's no way around that. It's expected and you're going to have to perform." He held up his index finger as those words he had been searching for started coming to him. He was going into fixer mode now. It was as if someone turned on a light switch in his mind.
"After you have grieved a respectable amount of time then you should start dating."
Olivia squinted at him as her head slowly moved backwards in disbelief. "Are you insane? I'm not going to start dating. We're going to be together."
"You're damn right we are, Liv." He brought her hand to his mouth and kissed it. "But you can't go from grieving Will to dating me. It would be too obvious to certain people. The public isn't stupid either." Fitz explained.
"What exactly are you thinking then?"
"You go on a couple of dates with men who are the appropriate age and who are also well educated career men. You'll go to public places where the press will see every single thing you do and write about every detail of it. What you wore, where you went, what was said, what did he look like, did he kiss you..." Fitz shot her a look of determination and added, "that will be a firm NO by the way."
"None of those dates with any of those men will lead to anything because you will be too focused on running the country. But, when one of our friendlier news outlets gets an anonymous tip that you've been spending time with someone you have been friends with for years, someone you trust implicitly, who also took over as press secretary and kept the country informed when you found yourself in a hospital after a terrorizing night involving gun fire, someone who has known you since before you were the President of the United States, and that you have begun to develop romantic feelings for him, they will have no choice but to accept it."
Olivia studied his face. He seemed to have the future of their relationship and taking it public all worked out. She just had a few questions. "I'm sorry. What was that about you being press secretary?"
"That was one of Cyrus' demands before he let me see you. I have no problem with that."
"And who in the hell am I supposed to go out with? And when? This is going to take so much time, Fitz. Time that I don't want to wait."
"Sometimes waiting is necessary." He kissed her hand again, needing a minute before telling her everything else that was on his heart. "No matter what happens today, you and I will have babies together. Do you hear me?"
Her lip trembled and her eyes started to water but she nodded at him. "Do you promise?"
"I promise. Even if this baby doesn't make it past tonight, it's still something we created together, and that makes you the mother of my child. That's a bond that can never be broken."
She reached for him and Fitz leans over her, collecting her into his embrace as she cries. "I love you. Always."
"I love you too."
Fitz sits back down moments before the doctor comes back into the room with his nurse in tow. "Madam President, my nurse is going to take some blood and we'll send it down to the lab with a rush on it. By the time I have you back from the ultrasound we should have an answer as well as confirmation to what I suspect is a miscarriage."
Olivia nodded mutely and held out her right arm for the blood to be drawn.
"I'm going to step out into the hall to talk to Huck while you get the ultrasound performed, but I'll be waiting for you when you're done, Madam President. We'll discuss talking points and then I'll have to head to the White House to update the press." Fitz explained.
Again, Olivia nodded but said nothing.
"I don't envy you your job." The doctor said quietly.
Fitz left the room and found Huck standing at attention. Being careful to step away from the door so Olivia couldn't see him, Fitz sighed loudly and rubbed a hand across his face. He felt exhausted all the way down into his bones.
"How are you holding up?" Huck asked as he watched his boss.
"I'm fine. I could use a good cup of coffee, but other than that I'm good. How about you? You've been standing out here for about four hours. Do you need a break?"
"Did I ask for a break?" Huck asked.
"Would you ask for a break even if you needed one?" Fitz replied.
"Breaks are for pansies."
"Right. Where's Cyrus?"
"He left about an hour ago. He was pissed off and muttering to himself. He really doesn't like me. How's she doing in there?"
"She knows her husband is dead."
"What about the other guy that was killed?"
"Liv invited him to the party. He was an old college buddy of the asshole's. Apparently, he provided the First Gentleman with a place to meet up with one of his women."
"Classy guy had classy friends."
"Liv was planning on calling the friend out on his shit."
"See, she's tougher than anyone gives her credit for. She's gonna pull through this just fine."
"She was pregnant." Fitz said in a hushed tone.
Huck squinted at Fitz. "Was?"
"Is. Well, the doctor s pretty sure she's having a miscarriage now."
"Fuck." Huck muttered.
Fitz was quiet for a minute, and Huck looked at him. Really looked at him. He was broken. Looked like he was doing his damndest to keep from crying too. "Your baby?"
Fitz nodded.
"Fuck" Huck muttered again. It was bound to be awkward, but he pulled Fitz close and pounded him on the back once before releasing him. "There will be more babies one day."
Fitz nodded.
The two men parted as Olivia was taken from her room in a wheelchair.
"When this is all over, why don't you go home? Get some rest so you're fresh tomorrow?" Huck suggested.
"I can't. I've got to go to the White House and update press corp. They are probably crawling the walls by now, but they are going to have to wait until I get an update on Liv."
"I'm going to go take a leak and grab a couple of coffees while she's gone. I'll be back before she is though. I promise."
"Take your time, Huck. You've done more for me tonight than..."
"I'll be back" Huck insisted before walking off.
Fitz went into Olivia's empty room and sat back down in the chair beside the bed. He wanted nothing more than to be there for her and to hold her as she cried and grieved this loss that seemed inevitable. To take her home and comfort her for as long as it took. But that wasn't an option. Instead he laid his head down on the edge of the bed and closed his eyes for just a moment.
Olivia felt raw and vulnerable and angry and beaten down and wounded and unbelievably sad. She was being wheeled back to her room from her ultrasound where the doctor informed her that there was no sign of the sac. He asked if she was still bleeding and when she nodded, he expressed his deepest regrets for her loss. He said the blood work would be the confirmation of the miscarriage and his nurse silently took her back to her room.
When Olivia reached her door, Huck was standing there like a good soldier and Olivia asked the nurse to give them a moment alone. Touching his arm, and half expecting him to flinch, Olivia spoke gently to Fitz's right hand man. "I want to thank you for being here. Your presence has helped me have the time I needed to be told about everything that happened at the party from the person I needed to hear it from. Thank you, Huck."
"You're welcome, Madam President." Huck wasn't good with personal or feelings, and he damn sure wasn't comfortable with being thanked for doing his job. But he had a soft spot for her because she was Fitz's girl. And a badass in his opinion.
He glanced back at the door and said, "sleeping beauty needs to be woken the hell up. Ma'am."
Olivia smiled at him. Huck wasn't fooling her. She could tell that he loved and respected Fitz. It was nice to know he was human. And trying to lighten the heavy mood, if even for a moment. She leaned closer to him and said, "good help is so hard to find."
She could have sworn she saw a smile cross his face before he straightened it into the tough scowl.
Getting to her feet, Olivia left the wheelchair in the hall and walked into her room. There was Fitz, just as Huck said, fast asleep sitting in the chair with his head on her bed. He looked terribly uncomfortable, but he was there. She got under the thin blanket, careful to not wake him, and moved his head to her lap.
Her fingers began to softly stroke his hair as she thought about his plan for their future. It was a good plan. It would take a little longer to accomplish than she wanted to endure, but like he said, waiting is necessary sometimes. Fitz was worth waiting for and she loved him with her whole heart. Once the wait was over and they were publicly a couple, she was going to marry him and get started on their forever together.
And then his other words popped into her mind. He called her the mother of his child and said it was a bond that could never be broken. He was going to be hurting when she told him this child was gone. Olivia wished more than anything that she could comfort him when he eventually broke down when the reality and pain set in. They deserved to grieve this loss together.
Instead, they would have to put some space between them. She would have to grieve the son of a bitch she was married to and start dating men who would think they had hit the jackpot by being with her. The thought of the grieving and dating made her feel exhausted. As her eyes fell back to the love of her life, she knew it would be worth it in the end. And they would have as many babies together as they wanted. It made her smile and want that life with him.
Sometimes waiting is necessary.
Fitz stirred, and a moment later he lifted his head and two bleary blue eyes looked up at her. "Shit. I'm sorry I fell asleep, Liv. How long was I out?"
"I just got back, so not long enough. You need some sleep." she gently told him.
"What did the doctor say?" he asked. The moment he saw her sad expression, he got back onto the bed and held her in his arms. "I'm so sorry. I was hoping the baby would make it."
"I'm sorry too. For so many things, Fitz. Losing the baby, not being able to mourn that together, us living separate lives. All of it."
"It's okay." he told her.
"No, it's not." She pulled out of his arms and looked him in the eye. "But it's going to be. I've thought about your plan for us to be together. Really together. It's going to take longer than I want, and I'll have to do things I don't want to do. Dating seems ridiculous at this point in life."
Fitz searched her eyes. She had more to say, he knew, and he wanted to hear all of it. "But?"
She cupped his cheek again and gave him a small smile. Her voice felt weak, like the words wouldn't come out very strong because of the tears. "But...sometimes waiting is necessary. And if waiting means that we get to have forever together with as many babies as a house can hold, then I'm in."
His head closed the gap between them, and he captured her lips in a soft kiss. He poured all of his emotions into the kiss while keeping it tender and meaningful. When he finally broke the kiss, he rested his forehead against hers. "I love you so much, Liv."
"I know."
"This is going to work. I promise."
"Speaking of work, you need to get to the White House and brief the press corp. Cyrus is going to be in a foul mood and in rare form." She watched him get to his feet and begin the transformation of being the fixer. She knew he was about to leave and already missed him. He wasn't even gone yet. "I'm being released as soon as you leave, so I'll be watching your address on tv."
"You'd better be watching from your bedroom. I fully expect you to get your ass into bed the minute you get back to the White House." he warned her.
"I'm the President. I do what I want." she informed him with sass.
Fitz raised his eyebrows at her and said nothing.
"It just so happens, that I was planning to get some rest when I get back."
"Another good plan." He stuffed his tie into his jacket pocket before putting his hands on her bed and leaning close to her. "Take care of yourself, Madam President." He touched his lips to hers, happily lingering there as long as possible before pulling away and leaving the room. Huck fell in step beside him without a word.
I try not to leave notes for this story, but this chapter compelled me to leave one. I decided on the miscarriage for several reasons. One, Olivia wouldn't have time to grieve Will, date randoms, & end up with Fitz all while pregnant. It would either have to be Will's baby to the public, which was not an option for me, or the first female President would appear to be a loose woman, which was not an option for me. I know we all want them to be happy now and have babies - & that's coming - but not right now. I hope you plan on sticking with me while I navigate this story. Sometimes waiting is necessary.
Also, I have to give a huge shout out to Megabby on twitter. I talked her through how I planned to write this chapter & she provided very helpful feedback & guidance. Some of these words are hers and she deserves the credit for them.