A.N. I know this may not seem like much but this chapter had my head spinning. For some reason, I just couldn't figure it out. Sorry for the wait.

Chapter 8

'Here goes nothing.'

The holodeck's double doors slid open. On the other end her escape, her safe place. The place which inspired her creativity, relaxed her mind, and kept her sane on even difficult days. She hadn't visited the program in a few weeks, her creativity blocked by a troubled subconscious.

Everything with Seven, it escalated so fast. It started slow, mentor and mentee…or did it?

It was all a blur. Discussions about the nuances of life became dalliances with a deeper meaning, lasting longer, turning intimate. Seven coming to her quarters in the middle of the night, requesting to see her, it was more than she allowed any crew member, even the senior officers. She kept her distance with them but couldn't with Seven no matter how hard she tried. With Seven her words—even her orders—came from a deeper place.

She'd latched onto Seven, gave her space to live but always kept an eye in her direction. Her evening visits to the Cargo Bay were unannounced but Seven never seemed to mind. In Astrometrics she'd sit, listening to Seven's latest findings. Her mind would stray as she eyed the viewscreen; Seven going on about the nearest anomaly, asteroid cluster, or debris field in her nonchalant manner. Exploring planets was "inefficient", but soon Seven started recommending which to stop at and which to avoid; Seven's way of meeting her in the middle Kathryn suspected. It made her smile.

Astrometrics became a place where she could sip her coffee in peace and watch Seven work after their conversations finished. The crew rarely ventured in. Many said they didn't want to disturb Seven, but they also mentioned the tense atmosphere, Seven's micromanaging tendencies, and her low tolerance for mistakes or constant inquiries. Astrometrics was Seven's sanctuary and those who feared her wrath would never dare set foot in Seven's path.

The Da Vinci program. It was beautiful to see how this piece of her comforted Seven. The fire warmed the vicinity, its light painting the stone walls and floors in a soft orange glow. A gentle breeze drifted from the open windows and the candles sitting on the cluttered work bench flickered against its every shift. This program, a historical musing of centuries past, devoid of recognizable technology, it accentuated Seven's humanity in a way…and that too was beautiful. Maybe Seven understood humanity more than she thought.

Eased by swaying candlelight, Kathryn passed that stone staircase where she remembered catching awe at how the newly emancipated Borg looked without her sickly grey façade and exoplating. That was a different version of her, a scientist enthralled by discovery, one who could never imagine where their relationship stood now. It was admiration then that fueled her proud self-notions. She'd delivered Seven to a new world, allowed her true self freedom from the force which indoctrinated her.

Kathryn stopped in the shadows, just out of the fire's glow. It still amazed her…how one person could shine so bright and be oblivious to it all.

Seven leaned beside the window looking out, her stiff posture more relaxed as her arms gently hugged each other. On her neck a cortical monitor blinked a faint green. Near her a painting on an easel, an amateur attempt at realism. Kathryn wanted to cringe at how the uneven colors of her composition created abstract shapes where something recognizable should have taken form.

She wanted to acknowledge the flutter of her heart at Seven's slight shift; how she stiffened at the idea of being caught staring unabashedly. But she couldn't, only sobering guilt remained.

Shoulders squared and a trained military bearing seated on her face, Kathryn stepped into the firelight, its glow warming her back.

The doors hissed closed but Seven never turned. She stared out the window watching night fall on their artificial village.

At the scuff of her shoe Seven quickly turned, one solemn gaze meeting another.

"Captain." Seven's soft voice sounded pained, as though she were calling out for her support. The troubled crease in Seven's brow pulled at her heartstrings and Kathryn's world stopped as it always did when Seven let her vulnerability show. All her attention pulled in one direction at the jarring change in Seven's demeanor. Seven's softened voice had a way of reeling her in, drawing her deepest concern or enchanting her desires. In that moment Seven was the only person that mattered. But watching two people struggle in the same body, Kathryn felt Seven's turmoil. One person was sweet and endearing, the other was cold and calculating, and the latter won every time.

"I'm sorry I keep activating this program."

"I told you you could." Kathryn said, her voice lacking the resolute energy that had her rushing away from her quarters, ready to end it all.

Seven glanced down. "It calms me."

"Good to know my program is serving its purpose."

"Shouldn't you be asleep?"

"I could ask you the same thing."

"I was unable to regenerate."

"Problems?"

"No." Seven turned back to the window. The sound of a horse and carriage drawing by on a cobblestone pathway filled the room, the horse's hooves clacking against the ground with a measured tempo.

The Captain lifted her chin. "The surgery—"

"If you came to change my mind about the procedure, you will not. My decision remains as it was."

"Tell me why you want to go through with it. Promise I won't ask again."

Seven's face turned in the direction of her voice. "To be human. To feel as you feel…without restraint." Seven turned to her, their eyes locked. "You once told me to express myself. As Borg I will never be able to do that."

Kathryn pressed her lips together and glanced away with a knitted brow. "You're not Borg." She said, a grumble coloring her tired sureness.

"This part of me still is…and will always be."

Kathryn sighed, her gaze downward. Shoulders heavy, slumped modestly from their proud façade, she turned her back to Seven and moved to the fire. She couldn't remember the last time her gaze was so fixated on the ground. An officer's gaze was always high and forward. Any lament was best saved for the privacy of her quarters. She pinched the bridge of her nose as a couple of Seven's footsteps sounded faint.

"I do not wish to lose what we have."

Seven's confident words shook her from within, but she wouldn't let that show. She brushed off the unsettled pang in her chest and the tense of her shoulders.

'What we have?' The Captain wryly smirked at Seven's admittance. There's nothing going on, just two people bored out of their minds and stuck on a godforsaken ship in the middle of who knows where. They don't have anything. 'Katie you've done nothing but lead her on.'

"About that…" Kathryn put her hand in her pocket, eyes entranced by the fire. "I think it would be wise to discontinue…whatever it is we've been doing." The silence thickened at her words. She pictured Seven's displeased look, her furrowed brow and set jaw. That was enough, she didn't need to turn around and face it.

"If this is about the "non-invasive alternatives"—"

"It's not." Kathryn watched her feet. "I'm your Captain. And I can't be that and something more to you at the same time." There, she'd said it, allowing herself a small relief in the silence that followed.

"You seem to have no problem doing that with Commander Chakotay."

Seven's biting, cold words were a left hook Kathryn didn't see coming. She turned to Seven with a crease in her brow. "What?"

"Apparently the rules of rank do not apply to him. You allow him many liberties."

Kathryn stared wide-eyed. "That's completely different. He and I are good friends, not pinning each other to walls."

Seven took a breath as though she were trying to shake the very thought. "Then what does that make us?"

"…I don't know." Kathryn turned to the fire with a deeper furrow in her brow. "But it needs to end."

"Why?"

The Captain steeled her jaw at Seven's persistence and ignored the question.

"I suppose she's right…" Seven gave in and moved back to the window.

She? Kathryn turned to Seven with suspicion seated in her hot gaze. "She contacted you." The Captain said, her fist clenching inside her pocket. The Borg Queen again was poisoning Seven's thoughts. "What did she say?" She took a couple steps forward then stopped, remembering to keep her distance. "Seven." She pushed.

"She is nearly as convincing as you—"

"Don't listen to her." The Captain commanded and started towards Seven again but stopped after a few steps too many; the spark in her chest driving her emotions not her reason.

"She told me this would happen. That Starfleet would always mean more to you—"

"Starfleet has nothing to do with this." That was a lie. The Captain looked down. "I owe this crew a great debt. And lately I've been losing sight of that."

"Because of me."

Kathryn stopped short of an explanation. Yes, because of her. A Captain wasn't supposed to give in to a frivolous game of love and war. That was dangerous, thin ice where she took chances with other peoples' lives. "Because I can't focus."

Seven turned to her, the tense expression on her face, the curious narrow of her eyes, all saying "Explain".

"Busting through the Collective's front door…coming face to face with the Borg queen herself. On Earth, those impulsive mistakes would've put my career in jeopardy." Kathryn paused. "They'd say I endangered the lives of my crew. Abandoned my ship to take on a personal mission—"

"It was a rescue mission—"

"A rescue mission someone else could've led. I got too close." Kathryn thanked the resilience her occupation taught her. Otherwise, she'd never be able to look into Seven's eyes as she did now. They sparkled with innocence but desire as well. "On Earth there'd be processes for all of this—"

"We're not on Earth—"

"…boards and meetings I'd have to go in front of, just to get authorization to carry out a mission with even the slightest perceived danger." Kathryn headed back to the fire. "Even then the mission would be carefully controlled. No rushing into the Borg Queen's chambers with a pulse rifle, threatening to blow everything up and us with it if I couldn't get you back." She stopped, bristling at a thought…of losing Seven, of what could've happened in that chamber.

"It was a calculated risk. You knew that would not have happened."

"I sure as hell hoped it didn't." Kathryn paused. "The word "calculated" is a little kind."

"Excuses Captain? I did not think they'd come from you."

Movement from the corner of her eye drew Kathryn's attention, she looked over, alarmed by how the determination in Seven's eyes replaced that innocence. She watched Seven's every step.

"Do you care about me Captain?"

"What?" Kathryn's brow furrowed and she simmered. Why did Seven need to ask?

"Do you?"

"Of course. But my feelings are…irrelevant." She smiled a little at her use of Seven's favorite word.

"I do not believe they are." Seven said with that soft, alluring timbre to her voice. It stunned Kathryn; the intimacy came too close for comfort. Her leg twitched, ready to start back, but the Captain had to stand her ground.

"It doesn't matter."

"It matters to me."

Kathryn lifted her chin a touch as Seven resumed her approach. Seven closed in slow, her intentions plain and clear in her eyes. "Seven." Kathryn intended to warn but Seven met her in the fire's glow, her profile softly kissed by its light. Kathryn took a breath as Seven quietly studied her with a furrowing brow; her gaze like a phaser right through her.

"You're scared."

Scared? No. A Janeway doesn't get scared. What's there to fear? The opinions of others? She'd laugh at the idea of bending to the will of anyone else. However, a tarnished reputation? Dishonored as the Captain who slept with her crew? Who took advantage of someone so new to humanity? And for what? Her own gain? She couldn't ignore that; her pride wouldn't let her. But Seven had something that kept drawing her in. She couldn't describe her intuition or why, but Seven saw right through her idealized self-image, forced her to explore her doubts, to learn about aspects of herself she never considered.

"This is about you. Not your command." Seven said.

'Things are better this way.'

Kathryn held her ground. "You've only been in the human world for a little over two years. I liberated you from the collective and it's only natural that you might harbor feelings for me, given the situation."

"You're referring to Stockholm Syndrome." Seven's disgust sliced the air, her stance rigid as she faced the fire, fist clenched at her sides. "Lieutenant Torres seems to think the topic makes a good joke. It does not." Seven turned to the Captain. "You may be my captor but that is not the reason I seek you now."

The air in Kathryn's lungs thickened and her skin flushed. Good thing the fire hid any trace of the blush on her cheeks. "I don't want to influence your decisions." Kathryn started with less resolve than before. "I want them to be purely your own—"

"You do not believe I can think for myself, that I am too naïve." Seven said. "Yes, I am aware of what the crew say about me."

Seven took the thoughts right from her mind; her anger palpable between them.

Kathryn sighed. "…You haven't experienced enough to—"

"To know what I want?" Seven looked to her with a steely gaze. "Captain…why are you here—"

"I told you—"

"You came and found me. You didn't have to—"

"I'd rather get this done before the crew wakes up."

"You couldn't sleep, why?"

The Captain stiffened at Seven's prying questions, squaring her shoulders again as Seven closed in. Word after word, Seven tried to crack her command shell…and she was doing a pretty good job.

"You want th—"

"That doesn't matter."

Seven's chest nearly touched hers. "Why?" Seven asked, her tone suddenly soft as she took her arm. It felt like it could burn through her uniform, but Kathryn didn't move.

"Seven listen to me…" Kathryn said, even if her warnings carried little resistance. Her hand came between them and she tensed at the feeling of the biosuit beneath her fingertips. Why hadn't she ripped out of Seven's grasp? Why didn't she want to?

The hostility in Seven's eyes eased and her gaze travelled down.

'Don't do this. Please.'

Seven leaned in carefully at first and took her other arm. Their noses brushed and Kathryn cursed the way her lips part in anticipation. Seven's kisses had softened over the weeks as their rendezvous progressed. They weren't heavy and demanding anymore, but captivating and impatient…always impatient.

Seven pulled her close with ease, the soles of Kathryn's boots ghosting the ground. Seven's strength always astonished her. On the surface Seven looked like an average woman with a few cybernetic additions. But within, she was superhuman, able to lift heavy bulkheads and force apart the ship's mechanical doors. The crew took the easy function of those doors for granted, but they could crush if they malfunctioned, if they slammed shut with a sudden ferocity and refused to open.

Seven's grasp tightened but her kiss remained tender and sincere. It stole Kathryn's will but replenished her faith in the bond between them.

What would he think if he saw the Captain right now?

"Stop." Kathryn sucked in a breath and pressed her hand to Seven's shoulder. Seven loosened her hold and the Captain slipped free.

Kathryn walked to the fire, slow and silent with a furrow deepening across her brow. She tried to ignore the tremble within her body, breathing slow to contain the shudder of her breath as she set a hand on her hip.

"These are your doubts Captain, not mine." Seven said soft as Kathryn covered her mouth with her other hand.

"You feel the same."

Kathryn drew her lips in, tasted Seven's kiss fresh on them. Her eyes watered, but the fire masked their glassiness. This kiss was different than any before. She bowed her head and lifted her hand to her brow, shielding her eyes from the fire's glare. 'You're still human Katie.' A forgiving thought emerged.

Selfish desires, her father would say that's what these were. But he was also the same person who told her to charge in headfirst—that fear was just the beginning of something great. He'd warn against missed opportunities.

Seven knew exactly what she wanted. And if she didn't, she sure put on a convincing front.

The Captain pulled her hand from her face watching the fire flicker. She clenched her jaw and inhaled a breath. "Ok." She said to herself.

"The Collective stripped me of everything, imprisoned me in my own body."

Kathryn sat on the fireplace nook, slow and easy, her elbows on her thighs and her hands folded between her legs. Seven's words drifted in the air but Kathryn barely paid attention. Her mind blanked, the first step to a reset.

"I can't begin to understand Seven." She said as plain as possible, hoping defeat hadn't marred her tone, but her words came more apathetic than she meant, and for that she inwardly apologized.

"You showed me what was possible."

"I'm not the last person you'll meet. Or the last you'll connect with. Earth is a world of possibilities." Her refutes were weak and dry, just said to say she tried.

"But that is not what I have now. I want what I have now." Seven paused. "What are you afraid of Captain?"

There it was again, Seven challenging her fear.

"The surgery…" Kathryn tried to change the subject. "What concerns me are the risks—"

"Neurosurgeries carry many risks. Are you going to question them all?"

"This isn't something to rush a decision on, especially when there's a safer method."

"For a risk-taker, I did not expect you to be troubled by this." Seven approached, her gaze softening as the Captain sighed.

The kiss still haunted her, confirming Kathryn's worst fears, that she'd fallen too deep, having lost control long before she realized it. She gave herself a moment to breathe. "One thing you should learn about me…I hate feeling like there's nothing I can do."

"Explain."

"What's there to explain Seven?"

"I do not understand. There is nothing for you to do, nor do you need to do anything."

Kathryn smiled at Seven's overtly literal interpretation of her words, but it soon faded. She stared at the terra cotta floor, not having felt this troubled in years. "Why didn't you tell me about the headaches?"

"I did not feel the need to alarm you."

Kathryn went to speak—

"Doctor to Seven of Nine."

"Holodeck 2 Doctor." Seven answered without pause.

A blue gathering of particles shimmered into the room. Once formed, the Doctor started towards Seven, but hitched in his steps as his gaze met the dark, hawk-like eyes staring at him from beneath a furrowed brow. The Fireplace's orange glow crowned her body, contrasting the black and absorbing the red of her uniform.

"Captain?"

She said nothing, sitting feet planted, elbows atop her knees, and chin perched on her folded hands; the whites of her eyes a faint, pale orange.

Seven moved and stopped beside the Captain, clasping her hands behind her back. "Yes Doctor."

The Doctor looked to Seven, taking an extra second to gather his words. "The Failsafe has a tracking component—"

"Tracking?" The Captain's brow tightened.

"Indeed Captain. It's used to locate…disconnected drones." He chose his words wisely but didn't hide their meaning well.

Seven looked to Janeway. "I suggest we maintain a mid-tier warp in order to by time."

The Captain looked down but nodded in agreement.

"Seven…" The Doctor's brightened voice caught the attention of both women as he studied them with intrigue. "Put your hand on the Captain's shoulder."

"Why—"

"Indulge me for a quick moment."

With a brief raise of her brow, Seven unclasped her hand and placed it on the Captain's shoulder; the Captain giving her a glance and small smile in return.

The Doctor's eyes drifted over them, his head tilting, studying their postures like an artist would a painting. A powerful portrait it would be. Silent, the pair still communicated so much. The Captain, fierce in presence, fearless and determined to the end. She'd cross worlds to keep Seven safe. He saw it in her eyes; a bit unnerving yet intriguing was the promise in them. He wondered if she knew how she looked.

Seven. She stood alongside her as an inseparable force, her loyalty unyielding. Impassive, he expected Seven to keep attachments to a minimum. Seven could care, he knew, but how much he didn't realize.

He started robust. "Like a Shakespearean play, the story of your bond is an inspiring tale of power and love—"

"Most of Shakespeare's plays are tragedies—"

"Captain, Please. Don't spoil the moment with your cynicism."

The Captain quieted with an amused smile starting on her lips.

"The story unfolds, of a seafaring Captain, ship-wrecked and wandering the realm of Elysium. A beautiful woman catches her eye—"

"I would not do well as a damsel in distress Doctor."

The Captain contained her chuckles behind a widening smile.

"You're not. You are her guide back to the world of the living, her guardian…and sometimes her voice of reason."

Janeway rolled her eyes.

"However, just as the Captain's absolution nears, Seven is banished to the depths of Tartarus as punishment for helping a mortal escape the clawed grasp of death's fate."

The Captain pressed a finger to her temple. "Let me guess…I go after her."

"Perilous altercations ensue. But a twist to this story emerges." He stopped for dramatic effect and looked to Seven, who cocked a brow in return. "Born into the high realm of Mount Olympus, Seven, unbeknownst to the Captain is a God."

"A God?" Seven couldn't contain her incredulous grin at this crazy additive of the story; her hand's grasp softening, sliding down the Captain's shoulder blade.

The Doctor looked to Janeway, who still sat with that amused smile. "Shortly before her kidnapping, Seven transfers her godly powers to you—"

"Should I know how that happens—"

"Your battles, while bloody, will be victorious." The Doctor cut in triumphant.

"Tell me there's a good ending to this Doctor."

"Bruised, sweaty, and battered. The Captain rescues Seven from Tartarus's dark abyss. They fight their way back from which they came, through the realms of Hell."

"Is this your take on Dante's Inferno?"

"With many creative liberties." He smiled. "Glad to see you're not rusty on your literature Captain."

"Me, never." She paused. "As much as I would love to hear more of your riveting story, can Seven and I have a moment alone?"

"Of course. Besides, I have a subtle inkling to begin writing an opera based in epic poetry."

"I'm glad we could be your inspiration." She flicked a finger at him. "Don't let it distract you from the procedure."

"Never Captain." He gave a subtle bow. "I'm a doctor first."

"Good to hear." She nodded and he returned the simple gesture, shimmering away and leaving the two to themselves once more.

"I agree with him." Seven's hand slid back to the perch of the Captain's shoulder, earning a fire-lit glance in her direction. "We make an effective team."

"Is that your way of saying we're official?"

"The decision is yours Captain. You know my answer."

Janeway hesitated for a second then nodded; a smile forced from her at how Seven's hand tensed on her shoulder. She could tell without looking up that she'd find a similar smile on Seven's face. Maybe after the procedure, one day, she'd get a greater gesture than the tense of a hand, get to witness a truly happy Seven of Nine.

What did that look like?