His continued silence is killing me, all I want to punch him in the face and kiss him...wait..kiss him? what the fuck is wrong with me? He's a piece of shit that broke my heart and yet I still want to kiss him..i shouldn't want to kiss him, I mean after all the shit he put me through I should want to kill him more than anything...yet how is it that he seems to have gotten more attractive over the last year I've been gone.
" What? got nothing to say now?" I ask. When I'm met with more silence, I spare a glance in his direction and see some tears falling down his face and his breathing is heavy. My heart aches at the sight yet at the same time I'm slightly proud that I can make him feel the pain I felt when he crushed my heart into that fine powder.
" I'm sorry, so so fucking sorry" he says with a cracked voice
I sneer "that all you have to say?!...well here's something for you then. You know that pain you're feeling right now?" He nods "that's only a fraction of what I felt when I walked into your room that day just to see her on top of you...that is only a fraction of what you caused me" I turned away not wanting to look at him anymore. If I even glanced at him now all the tears, I've been trying to hold back would come spilling out like a god damn waterfall and I do not want to give the satisfaction of seeing the effect he still has on me.
POV
I couldn't think of anything to say other than I'm sorry...I know that sorry isn't good enough but it was all I had...she is the only woman in the world who loved me for who I really was despite the trouble I caused or got caught up in. She made me feel whole and yet I had to fuck it up the way I did a year ago. I never forgot her, I mean how could I seeing as she's famous and her face was everywhere. Hearing her songs, I feel the pain behind the words and knowing I caused that pain. But Seeing her now all those feelings came back...well they never left I had just buried them so far down. I was tired of feeling the guilt of what I did to her. She was so sweet and caring, always there for me when I needed the comfort...how could I have screwed up so royally to lose the only person who had ever made me feel normal, to not be the troubled kid that grew up in a terrible home. She made me feel like I was worth something in this world and I had to go and be the biggest asshole in all of forks. Fuck I think I even out rank Edward Cullen and Mike Newton on the asshole scale.
"Bella listen...I honest to fucking god did not want to hurt you, I just couldn't keep dragging you into my mess of a life. I loved...still love you more than my own life, hell I would give up my life for you in a fucking heartbeat. You were and still are my world and it kills me that I did that to you. All I want is another chance, to show you that you're still the only one for me." I say, this time it was me who was met by silence. I guess being anxious is how she felt when she was met with my silence. I mean what the fuck was I supposed to say 'sorry for causing you so much trouble with having to always talk car of my wounds after a fight or for having to deal with my clingy ass after nightmare of my past scared me awake'...no that would have just sounded like another lame ass excuse..she deserves more than that.
"You think I cared about being dragged into your messes?! Paul, I HELPED you in those messes, I stuck by your side everything terrible moment that happened. I went to your mother's funeral, and then to your fathers' trial to testify that he was guilty of her murder. You were never alone and I made fucking sure of that. I loved you despite every stupid thing you did...I wanted to marry you, Paul..I wanted a family with you. And you went and fucked it all up, I... I don't think that I can give you another chance"
I could feel the tears falling as she spoke and the only thing I could say was " I won't give up Bella, I love you with every fiber of my being and that will never change baby. I will do whatever I have to, to prove that to you...ill spend the rest of my fucking life making it up to you. I can't lose you again."
With that I turned and left knowing I overstayed my welcome.