AZRIEL'S POV

If there was one thing as unwelcome as rare in Azriel's life, it was the visit of his greatest enemy.

The unknown. The feeling of surprise.

It always left him with hot rage burning through his veins. Rage that controlled him since yesterday, made him ignore any whispers of Rhysand's whereabouts, only acknowledging the fact Amren was on her way to Gwyn, hopefully, to apologize for the pain they inflicted on her without so much as a warning.

He was awaiting his shadows' report, felt tense and alert in anticipation. Yet, the moment he shifted his weight from one leg to the other, his body arched into a fluid movement in anticipation of Cassian's next step, Azriel's arm did not carry the sword where it was supposed to be. His legs did not root in place to counter the force of his brother's attack. His eyes were not trained on the point of impending collision of blades. The moment he shifted the weight on his legs, an unexpected appearance made him forget years of training, movements imprinted into his being until it'd become instinct.

Instincts overruled by a newer, even greater one when he noticed the appearance of one of his shadows—one he hadn't felt on his body for a determinable amount of time. One that refused to acknowledge him, carrying silence over the swarm of shadows lingering by. He stared at that particular shade, questions running in his mind that grew louder with the sharp sting inside his chest, a second of cold pain before his insides felt numb.

Cold metal slapping against his shoulder rattled him out of his trance. One glance at his skin made him absently appreciate Cas' fast reaction of turning the blade so it wouldn't cut his flash. Only an angry red spot would remain.

"Fuck."

Cas' brows vanished beneath the hair falling over his forehead, his frown even dripping off his voice. "That's pathetic, Az. I didn't hit you that hard."

Eyes fixed on Cas' hairline, watching but unseeing, his inner focus trained on a tide stronger than any sea, it was pure instinct that prevented Azriel from the next punch. Barely listening to Cassian's huffed out words, he sidestepped his brother and turned to the training pit's exit. Tense and heavy, every step towards the door became more difficult until Azriel came to a sudden stop. His gaze dropped down to the floor, acknowledging what the sound of footsteps behind him had already revealed to come.

He groaned quietly. Gripping the long sword in his hand tighter, Azriel turned to face the consequences of turning his back on Cassian. Within the lines of the combat area no less. He knew better. That much was expected yet he couldn't make himself care.

"Cas—"

When Cassian raised his gaze and finally met Azriel's eyes, he faltered. A moment of hesitation was all Azriel got yet everything he needed to steal Cas' sword out of his hand. Growling lowly, Cas threw a punch with his balled fist at him. "—Oh, come on! Don't you turn that deer look at me, Az. We barely started—"

Always so dramatic, Azriel thought. The impending tantrum was neither something he could nor wanted to handle at that moment. With a heavy exhale, Azriel lowered his chin slightly, catching his brother's eyes while his mouth was still unstoppably ranting in outrage at the early end of training. Coming to a sudden halt, Cas straightened on his spot.

"What is it?" Cas asked with a frown once he noticed his gaze.

The following quick swap of eyes over his body made Azriel tense, suddenly aware of his slumped shoulders and tired lumps. He swallowed tightly, a heavy weight resting on him. "She knows."

Thankfully enough, Cas didn't acknowledge the crack in his voice, merely arching a brow at him in response. "Knows what?"

Eyes resting heavily on him, it was not only his brother standing in front of him but a general requesting information. A tone he knew to answer, offering words only when demanded. Still choking on them, inhaling meant suffocating and exhaling words complying with a language his mind didn't need to function for. He knew how to follow orders.

"The necklace," Azriel rasped out. "Amren—she knows."

Hands placed at his side, Cassian widened his stance, a smirk that didn't reach his eyes on his face. "Last I checked Amren knows a lot of things and believes to know even more. But you told her yourself, remember?"

"No, Amren told her."

"So Gwyn knows. Amren told her just now?"

Azriel nodded somberly.

"More words, Az. I don't have shadows to tell me what you're thinking," Cas huffed out as he took a step forward.

Azriel sighed heavily before murmuring under his breath, "they don't know what you think."

Barking out a laugh, Cas took the swords from his lowered hands. "Now, there was one time I swear—"

The swirl of his shadows surrounding him slowed under his gaze as he tugged and pulled at the golden thread, eager for a reaction. Just as the shadows' movements, it had stilled, a low tide all that remained. "It's quiet. Too quiet. I can't feel her."

When Cassian clasped his shoulders beneath his hands, Azriel eventually returned his stare, realizing he had spoken out loud. At least his brother's smirk was fully gone now. "Well, she's probably angry. Or sad. Confused. Probably all of it," he offered.

"Yes," Azriel answered while nodding in trance. He couldn't help his eyes darting between his brother's face and his shadows resting moveless in the air around them. Couldn't help but hope one of them would offer him an answer, a solution to a question he knew the answer to. There was nothing he could do right now.

"Why are you still here?" Cas asked with another squeeze of his shoulders.

Azriel returned his gaze to his brother, his insides just as numb as confused at the look on his face. "What?"

"You should go to her. Explain it, make it up to her."

"She doesn't want to see me." The words hurt. Speaking them was one thing but watching his shadows starting to swirl again, slowly retreating back to their place between his wings on his shoulders pained him even more as he knew it to be silent agreement.

Cassian shook his head before taking a step back, pointing at the near entryway of the training pit. "Are you sure? Nes would rip me apart, sure, but she'd expect me to seek her out so she could do her thing and later patch me together. That's the better part." He threw him a weak smirk and Azriel acknowledged his attempt with a short rise of the corner of his mouth that left him feeling even more hollow.

"I'm sure," he said lowly before leaning back on his heels, suddenly feeling tired.

Cassian watched with piercing eyes before cutting them to the cloud surrounding him. "You're shadows told you?"

The wish to laugh was there, just as much as to demand of them to do just that. "No, they don't talk to me right now."

"Double fuck." Hissing lowly, Cassian turned his head to face him again, arching a brow. "How do you know then? Have you—"

"Because I know her." The words rushing out of his mouth were one of the few things he was still sure of at that moment.

Nodding with a grim look on his face, Cassian let his head fall back into his neck as he turned his gaze towards the mountain's peak. Silence settled over the training pit. Only a few morning birds didn't seem to have got the message as they continued their song of happiness and joy for a new day as the sun finally fully rose over the mountains that closed around Velaris.

One question echoed inside his head, his mind running wild with scenarios that made his whole body tense again. The words on his lips were heavy as he voiced them, needing to air what's been burning him from inside. "What if this breaks everything?"

His brother didn't turn to him, didn't avert his eyes from the sunrise above the mountain peaks. When he didn't even blink after a few seconds had passed, Azriel was sure he hadn't heard him. It wasn't as if he could ask his shadows, so he tried again, desperate for anything to soothe that cold fire laving on his insides.

"She'll reject it now. Me."

The sound of Cassian's inhale was sharp. Staring at his brother's side profile he watched him finally turn to him. "This can't be broken, Az. You can't be broken."

Azriel shook his head vehemently. "It can. I am. Without her, I am."

"Then tell her. Once she's ready to listen."

Time seemed to pass slower as Azriel found himself once again alone and in silence. It's been a long day, hours blurring together to seconds whenever he heard someone say her name before dilating into millennials imagining her smile, scenting her near while restraining from going to her, being at her side. The continued silence of his shadows didn't help. He felt lost. Lost for her.

But Azriel would wait. It shouldn't matter where he did it, shouldn't change the feeling inside his chest. Yet, standing at his usual spot at the training pit above the House of Wind, at the usual time at night, before the stars would hit their peak and face the new dawn, he couldn't help but feel hopeful. Desperately so, but still. It was their place. Their time. Their night to conquer. Just as she'd done with him, without him even noticing at first.

Glancing once again over his shoulder towards the empty entryway, Azriel sighed heavily. With each passing minute, disappointment settled over the hope he held on tightly, just as the stars completed their rise, now continuing their journey in the fall of night.

"I guess you wouldn't tell me if she'd come?" His voice low, his eyes directed at a single swirl of darkness circling his wrist, it took him much to hold back the anger slowly brewing in his chest. For his shadows punishing him with silence, he would be raging with desperation for how it left him feeling, the echo it inflicted inside the slumbering void in his chest—if it wasn't for whom they enforced their silence on him. Their silence spoke of admiration. Nothing he could blame them for. What was left was his trust they still did as asked, spreading in every corner along the coasts of Prythian in addition to his spies in search of Elain and Tamlin. Of Koschei.

Raising his arm to his face, he stared at the dark swirl as if his gaze could elicit an answer. The sound of wind seemed as loud as a scream in his ears with the hollow silence of words surrounding him, continuing without pause.

Azriel sighed again. "Thought so."

Lowering his eyes to the ground, he turned towards the city. His eyes roamed the warm lights greeting him, the sight of Velaris never failing to calm him. Azriel rustled his wings, watching the cold light of the stars merge with the warmth of the city's life. Every bone of his body felt restless but the thought of flying without her sent a cold yet burning slash through his guts. Maybe he'd follow Nesta's advice and take the trip down on his feet. The thought alone made a groan rise to his lips but somehow taking ten-thousand steps felt more appropriate than diving into the night alone.

"True."

The single whisper seemed to resonate hotly in his ears, surprising him enough to arch a brow at the chatty shadow.

"Glad we're on the same page," Azriel muttered.

He waited for an answer, a push of mist acknowledging him as they'd usually do—anything. A handful of heartbeats passed before he once again realized there would be none. Even though the silence didn't feel as punishing as before, when he turned to leave the sight of Velaris behind to face tonight's spare activity it sure felt like it. His mind already tackling the stairs waiting for him, Azriel felt himself stumbling in a variety he'd only known for so long. With the sight of Gwyn standing silently in the entryway, he could only prevent his feet from stumbling. Barely so. His heart, however, skipped with a force that now rooted him into place. His mind stumbled from one thought to another, none created to grasp with the speed his eyes roamed over her. Her arms were crossed in front of her chest, her chin raised and her eyes resting unrelenting on him like the fighter she was.

With her gaze burning into his skin like a silent promise, eying him like her next opponent in battle he shouldn't feel the things that he did. He knew all the emotional range there was when facing that expression on a face, knew the fallout of it. But watching Gwyneth taking him in as if he'd be her appetizer before she'd even considered acknowledging the real challenge yet to come—he felt proud. It didn't send the expected rush of adrenaline through his body in anticipation. It sent blood rushing to places that made him anticipate completely inappropriate thoughts of fighting with her, especially with her gaze now roaming his body with a fire that could just as easily burn him as set him free.

His whole body stood under tension, only broken when she suddenly lowered her arms with a tight exhale leaving her lips. The expression on her face made him wish to claim his defeat, to praise and cherish every part of her with everything he had until that look was gone. Even more now, as he knew it was there because of him. Taking a step forward, Azriel spread his wings wide and pushed himself off the ground, gliding to her and erasing the distance between them in a single breath.

"If only every distance could be crossed that easily."

He ignored the sad whisper, solely focused on the siren standing in front of him. His mate.

"Gwyn—"

She stopped the breath leaving his lips, stopping any possible apology that might have left them with it by a sharp tilt of her head. Eying him thoughtfully, Gwyn exhaled with a long yet silent sigh that made his eyes snap down to her chest. The blue glimmer emerging from beneath her shirt reassured him there would be words to listen to. And he would so gladly.

"I haven't wondered," she started slowly, her voice commanding his eyes back to meet hers, "so many hours of thoughts constantly running through my head, all questions and memories in the light of a new understanding of them— wondering, comparing, all day." She paused to give him a small smile that made his heart stutter. "But I haven't wondered if you'd wait for me and here you are."

"Yes," Azriel whispered as he leaned slightly forward, wishing for the moonlight to touch her face.

Instead, Gwyn retreated for a mere inch, yet enough to hide again in the shadows. "At first I was shocked, not really surprised but shocked by the implications—"

"—I really am—"

"—then, I desperately tried to deny it. All those questions rising—"

"—not question anything about us, Gwyn. I promise—"

"Please, Az. Let me say my words."

Azriel sucked in a hard breath and leaned back, eying her and nodding as he once again shielded himself behind the silence clinging to him. He had already known the consequences of his blindness. The foolishness of doubting the Cauldron in the first place had now caught upon him.

"You don't have to promise me anything, Azriel. I know it to be true. And I guess it was the depth of your feelings for her that the necklace implied that made me feel … like a convenience. Looking at that necklace at that moment I feared it is not about me, not about you loving me—choosing me but the fact of merely existing, of filling a place that wasn't by the one you wanted it to."

The lone thought these things even crossed her mind made him shake his head desperately. The wish to make it right was burning through him like the falling stars on Starfall pierced the sky. Biting his tongue to hold the words back that threatened to spill from his lips, Azriel felt his eyes widen when Gwyn raised her hands to his face. His breath shuddered as she traced the lines of his face, the barest touch as sweet as painful as a goodbye could be.

"I am telling you this because I want you to understand, that these thoughts—all these pitiful ideas, they flashed through my head for the barest gasp of time. But I realized only a breath later, it is not about the necklace, or Elain or even you. These are my thoughts, my doubts—of myself. And I can't blame you for something I inflict on myself at the information of something so unimportant as who the necklace I found in a book months ago once belonged to. The Mother has a strange way of weaving her net of fate. I was hurt. But not because of who the necklace was intended for but because you didn't tell me. If I had known, if I had that understanding before... I'll never know. I realized today, that this knowledge might have changed how things happened." Gwyn inhaled sharply, a single tear leaving the corner of her eye before she raised to lean her forehead against his chin. Utterly dazed, all Azriel dared to do was breathe against her skin as his lips touched her. "But it wouldn't have changed where it lead us to. You don't have to promise me anything, Az. For I know us to be true. I trust in who we are today. In who we are together. And I know you do, too."

"I do." His arms closed around her small form with a force that made her gasp. Loosening his hold for a mere inch to allow her to breathe, Azriel stretched his wings widely before closing them around her in an embrace instead, pushing her even closer where the rest of his body failed to pull. "I love you. My heart is yours." His voice was nothing but a raspy whisper against her skin, the words so heavy in their truth its weight a contrast to the lightness bestowing his chest.

The warm touch of her lips against his throat was the imprint of redemption, their movements writing his pardon against his skin. "That's all I need to be mine."

Not even this day would pass without him smiling with her at his side, as he felt it tug at his lips when he brushed his nose into her hair, breathing in her scent and feeling himself finally settle. "No more secrets. No more holding back," he promised with murmured words.

"About that," Gwyn said with a small chuckle that resonated down his throat.

Not yet willing to let go, he merely raised his head from hers, tilting her chin up with a finger. The gleam in her eyes meeting him made him almost grin. "Yeah?"

Gwyn cleared her throat, suddenly looking serious again. "I still don't know whether you prefer chocolate or vanilla."

Blinking at her for a moment, it was the sight of the mischievous wink following her words that made him bark out a laugh. Azriel shook his head in silent wonder. "I like every flavour as long as it's yours."

Wanting to claim his words to be true had never before been such a primal need as when he lowered his lips to hers at that moment for a fierce kiss. It could have been their first one, the last one shared in another lifetime ago or one yet to come—Azriel could swear they all held the very same essence.

His very end and beginning. The light of his life.

Holding her tighter, he traced the seam of her lips with the tip of his tongue, the elicited gasp his command to spread his wings and dive them up into the night. Merging his darkness with the sky and her light with the stars made him shudder with a deeper awareness as their tongues met in between. Shooting higher still, it was when Gwyn moaned slightly before separating their lips and allowing them to gasp for air that he remembered her question.

The answer was on the tip of his tongue.

"Hmm, but definitely cherry."

Now her turn to chirp a laugh, Gwyn grinned up at him and shrugged sheepishly. "Nuala baked earlier and I might have had one or two slices before coming to the pit."

"My new favourite."

Watching him intently, Azriel held her gaze with a smile as Gwyn nodded to herself. "I'll bake you something with cherries then."

He averted his gaze to determine the direction they were now flying to, tilting his wings slightly to yield to the upcoming warmer field of air in front of them. Azriel aimed for the Sidra's peak before cutting his eyes back to her face with a smirk. "You want to bake? But you do know knife skills only go so far with baking and it's rather the spoon—"

"Oh, stop it!" Gwyn laughed, shoving his chest strong enough it would have made her flight a fall if it wasn't for his safe hold on her. Not afraid, his little siren.

"Trusting you wouldn't let her fall." His eyes cut to the shadow lingering near her face. "Or that you would catch her."

Azriel's smile widened then, welcoming the sound of whispers with his full heart. His attention however was elsewhere. On two piercing teal orbs looking at him. Belonging to his mate who still grinned widely at him. "As you wish, my love. I might help you, then. Holding the spoon here and there…"

Gwyn hummed happily, the sound vibrating against his chest. "I really don't know if it works that way. I've never heard of a male baking his own mating offering but I guess—"

"What?" Azriel rasped out, not blinking as he stared at her.

"That's what I've been trying to tell you before you started distracting me with all your teasing. I love you, Az. That shouldn't surprise you but I figured I need to say it out loud for you to believe it. I want to be mated to you. I'll accept the bo—"

His lips were on hers faster than light could move or shadows could swallow it. Both would conquer and lose their reign of the world, day after day, but neither could triumph over the burst of colours within him. If that was what true happiness felt like, Azriel would never leave this place, forsaking light and shadow all the same.

This was his universe. This was his eternity. Them.

When they entered their room Azriel knew the night to be closer to its end than its beginnings, felt it not only in his bones but in the air still clinging to them from their flight above the city. He watched silently as Gwyn carefully put down her armour. Sharp blades followed a sharp look exchanged until there was nothing left to wield other than a need shared, its roots as deep as their very beings could ever reach. The need to touch her again, to make sure there was nothing left between them, nothing lingering able to separate them reached wider than the assurance words could give. Even those spoken by her voice. What his soul demanded to breathe lightly again was wholly her. Azriel was mildly aware he was staring holes in her back while Gwyn turned her attention from the weapons once attached to her body to the clothes still hiding her skin. He didn't need to interrupt his shadows' content silence to know she was fully aware herself, that he was watching. Burning as he forced himself to stand still. The wood of the dresser creaked under the pressure of his hands when she finally turned to him, wearing nothing but that cursed necklace. Its blue shimmer seemed to mock him now, reminding him she was not his. Not yet. But soon.

"Will you not take it off?" The words slipped off his tongue faster than he could grip the wood tighter, rooting him into place as Gwyn slowly walked over to him.

"No."

Swallowing deeply, his eyes roamed freely over the valleys of her body. "I thought it helped with the nightmares—" Air caught in his throat, Azriel dipped his head down when she came to a halt in front of him.

"It did."

Not yet touching, he could still feel the heat radiating from her body. She commanded his every attention with her gaze alone, her mere presence a call his shadows were quicker to answer. They surrounded them in slow, almost dazed movements, taking her in until he was once again united with her in his darkness. Joined by her light, it was natural to give in and finally allow himself to touch her. Azriel raised his hands, tracing the lines of her face until she closed her eyes with a small sigh. The sound enough invitation, he lowered his lips to hers, ready to praise the Mother for her forgiveness and thank the Cauldron for her existence. Her—his mate. Deepening the kiss with his tongue, Gwyn rewarded him with the touch of her hands. Their movements as tender as firm, every trace of skin held intention and promise until each and every button was loosened and the fabric of his shirt fell to the ground. A shiver made its way down his chest, the sensation following the trail of her fingers down his body and turning his senses blind in her light until Gwyn hooked her fingers into the loops of his belt and moaned around his lips. Only then did he lift his own, taking in desperate measures of air, breathing in her scent and opening his eyes to take in hers. They gleamed with desire, undoubtedly mirroring his own. But that couldn't hide the deep exhaustion lingering in the dark shades under them, the constant tide of tired waves he received over the thread all night suddenly blending out any needs he felt for himself.

Glancing over her head to the bed waiting to bestow her the sleep she so desperately needed, Azriel nudged her forehead with his chin before meeting her eyes again. "It was a long day. We should sleep."

He felt a small smirk build on his lips at the frown appearing on her face as he spoke. "Let me help you," he added with a nod to the necklace, signing for her to turn.

Instead of allowing him to help open the clasp, she shook her head while raising her chin. "I made a decision today, Az. It doesn't matter who once had it as it is mine now. And I won't allow anything to separate us. I'll wear it for however long it takes to have my voice without it, Az. These nightmares won't stop me. And neither will you."

The sight of her facing him with her chin braced upwards and her mouth tight as if she expected him to argue made him want to kiss her even more. It sure made him question why he even stopped in the first place. Azriel chuckled deeply. "Stubborn little siren."

"I won't apologize for being me."

He shrugged and nudged her towards their bed, placing kisses along the line of her neck on their way until he could help her lower on her back. There were other ways to ensure she would fall asleep sated, exhausted in ways that should keep her sleeping deeply for long enough to allow her to rest as she needed to. "You don't have to. I like it. And you wearing it in bed does have its perks."

She threw him a puzzled smile, arching a brow as she arched her back under his gaze. "Oh—it does?"

Grinning widely, he put his lips back to where they belonged, aiming to end today's silence in the only way that mattered at that moment. When he dipped his mouth to start his trail down her body, Gwyn moaned loudly.

"Certainly."

Two hours of sleep weren't much to work on but they had to. Gwyn looked even more tired than he felt which was why Azriel put a smile on his face as he stretched his left wing out to draw her shaking body closer.

"It's over now. You're awake. You're safe." Azriel continued to murmur words against her forehead until he felt the tremors loosen and her body relaxing into his arms. Her lids lowered slowly until they finally surrendered under his silent command and closed. Sleep had once again found her and all he could do was hold her and hope she wouldn't be disturbed by nightmares again. By Koschei. She needed rest, desperately so.

"So do you."

He would, at some point needed to.

"We are still searching. Rest. We'll alert you if there is news."

Holding her tighter, Azriel stroked a stray strand of hair back from her face. His eyes continued to stay open, not once averting from her face.

Making sure, she was there.

Safe.

"Cassian is sent to collect you, your High Lord awaits you soon." Azriel blinked at one of his shadows in acknowledgement, the thought of his brother's actions still boiling angrily inside of him. Squeezing his hands together with more force than necessary, he decided to let him come, seeing him sending Cassian instead of reaching out to him as the sign that it was. "He does feel guilty."

"If you keep dropping water like that we'll need more flour than we have here." Gwyn chuckled.

Raising his gaze from the wet dough sticking between his fingers instead of the counter where it was supposed to be, Azriel met her gaze and found himself smiling. "Any advice on how to tame this beast?"

"The great warrior defeated by water and grain."

He took their mocking with ease, too thankful for seeing them eagerly tracing their lanes around her again in a way that kept them connected to him. It made him feel all and more than he ever dared to hope for in his life.

Her eyes twinkled as she chuckled lightly before grabbing a small towel which by the look of it was full of flour. "By taming you, it seems." Catching the cold drops of water falling from the strands of his hair and running down his neck with her warm hands, Gwyn dried his hair with quick touches. "Your hair can't be that wet from our morning bath and Mother knows it isn't raining inside the house."

"Not that we know of."

Thank the Mother it wasn't even though that might have done the same job as holding his head down into a bucket of ice-cold water. It was something he normally only resorted to before battle, to sharpen his senses and waken his mind. But the choice was between that and falling into sleep while standing, and he wouldn't dare to miss Gwyn's plan for today. And he suspected he would need all his wits later.

"I'm sure if you ask nicely, it will grant you a little indoor rain. Might even eliminate the obstacle of too small bathtubs," he answered with a wink.

"You certainly need one," Gwyn answered with another wipe that made clear his hair was now covered in flour.

He shook his head in answer, muddy water drops flying everywhere and making her shriek in laughter. It was a sound he wished to bottle and safe. Laughter faded into a content sigh as she looked down from his face to the dough in his hands. "Maybe we should ask Nuala and Cerridwen for help after all."

"We can ask—but I expect them to have their hands full with preparations for Starfall."

Gwyn nodded in answer, a small frown on her face. "Hm, in that case, we should offer our help to them."

Holding his hands up in front of his chest as if in defeat, Azriel stared down at her. "You think I'd be of any help?"

"Certainly not."

"Well, you could try," Gwyn said, chuckling while she led him to the sink. Watching her gently clean his hands brought back memories of a day when it was blood painting his skin and then hers. The water turned a different colour than that time ago yet her touch remained the same. Just at its influence on him.

"So, the day after Starfall it is?" he rasped out, feeling breathless as he stared at her face.

Gwyn looked up then, returning Azriel's gaze with a certainty that stole any air that might have been left in his lungs, everything else forgotten.

"The day after Starfall it is."