THREE

HONESTY

JACOB

I spend some time driving then walking on Rialto Beach to clear my head. I still fight the phase because I can't trust the wolf not to do something stupid, like force me to give in to the imprint and go to Paris tonight. When Leah's phone doesn't pick up, I decide to head to the Clearwaters'. I need to see her and finally talk this through. Trying to figure things out on my own has gotten me nowhere because I still haven't spoken to her yet. One thing is for sure, I need her now more than ever.

I mount the porch stairs two at a time and knock on the old oak door. Seth yells for me to come in from the other side of the wall.

"Your sister home?" I ask, looking around the place as I step inside.

"No. She went for a drive or something."

I had hoped she'd wait here for me, but if she's gone for a drive in the Rabbit, that means she's anxious. Fuck, this is going to be a really hard conversation to have.

Seth is busy studying at the table, his engineering books litter the entire surface. He, Colin and Brady are finishing their degrees in Port Angeles and the pack is so proud. They're the first to attend college.

"Test coming up?" I ask, trying to think about anything else.

"Yeah, finals for summer school man. Then I'm outta there. Graduating."

"Oh yeah, fuck," I had forgotten this summer was their last stint. "So you decided on what comes next yet?"

Seth shrugs. "Who knows where I'll end up. I'll send out some resumes."

I envy his nonchalance about the future. Life is so uncomplicated without an imprint. Paul, Sam, Jared, Quil and I have no choice but to consider other people first. Today has made that abundantly clear to me, now. I have no choice but to face that reality and stop fooling myself that I can just simply choose a life outside of the imprint and everything will magically fall into place. There are certain things that not even an Alpha as strong as me can do. Now that I know that Nessie is lonely, my wolf is pushing me to drive to the airport and go see her. But the part of me that loves Leah just wants her to hold me and tell me that we'll find a way out of this mess. That she'll be there, that she won't run away.

I'm literally fighting two desires at once, but I cling to what grounds me, what makes me happy. I need to go find her, NOW. I suddenly realize that I'm terrified, maybe even desperate for her. "Alright I'll leave you to it then."

"Did you need something?" Seth asks. "You seem anxious."

"Nah it's okay. Just, when she gets back please tell her to call me."

Seth nods, and I can tell he's concerned. "Hey um, when you have time to talk, I need to discuss something with you."

"What?"

Seth smiles and shakes his head. "When you and me both have time, Jake."

I nod, realizing he's right then wave him off and head back to my truck. I have no idea where to find her but I have to go looking. Maybe she's with Rachel visiting with the baby.

I head over to Paul's but there's no sign of the Rabbit nor do I catch Leah's scent in the air. I'm about to reverse up the road when Rachel appears at the front door and waves me in. I decide to turn off the truck and see what she wants.

As soon as I walk in, I let her know that I can't stay.

"Didn't you come for a visit?" my sister asks, having returned to the task of feeding her daughter Lotus Lahote (years ago Rach got heavily into the New Age stuff as her way of fixing Paul's temper, hence the name. But we all think what finally cured Paul's bad temper was in fact, Lotus.)

My niece reaches out for me with a pumpkin-covered smile and I can't help but lean over and kiss her forehead. Her little fists beat my thigh excitedly and I pull her up out of the seat so that we can properly greet one another. Her excitement to see me lifts my spirits. "Hello my princess." I inhale her sweet baby scent and for a moment I am calm as I hold her little body close. What I feel for her reminds me of Nessie as a baby and it's reassuring that I can win the battle.

"She's so happy to see you Jake. She's clearly got a favorite uncle!"

"Well, she can smell the blood. Can't you sweetie?" I give her a tickle and am rewarded by a fit of giggles. I swear, she is the sweetest nine-month-old on the planet.

"Ba!" Lotus responds and begins gnawing on her rubber spoon, vigorously attacking her itchy gums to the back of her mouth.

I set her back into her chair and Rachel promptly hands her a bottle, turning to me. "Is everything okay? I'm feeling a vibe coming off of you." Rachel looks me over seriously, and I know she thinks she's reading my aura or whatever.

"I'm fine, Rach. I just have something to do."

"You're not fine, I live with Paul, don't you think I know what an agitated wolf looks like? Did something happen?"

I take a deep breath and press my fingers into my eyes. Suddenly I feel so weary. This whole thing makes me just want to scream and cry at the same time.

"Here, take a seat Jake. Let me get you some cold water and a plate. When was the last time you ate?" My sister guides me over to the kitchen table and I sink gratefully into the wooden chair. I really have been running on fury, so it's past time to fuel the wolf or I'll lose it at the wrong place and wrong time.

"I don't know, this morning?"

Rachel tuts and goes to fridge and collects the water jug. "Well no wonder you're off. You know the wolf needs to eat!"

Lotus pops her bottle from her mouth and hold it out to me with a smile. When I reach to take it, she pulls it back and giggles, giving me this mischievous smirk that I know all too well. "Hey!" I chuckle in surprise at her antics, and tickle beneath her chin. Lotus looks like my sister but she's definitely got Paul's expressions.

"Oh that's her new little game she likes to play with Paul."

I can't help but laugh as I accept the glass of cold water. "She's gonna be a terror I hope you know this."

"Please! Don't remind me!" Rachel scolds as she heads over to the stove. I am instantly bombarded with the scents of lamb, rice, vegetables and grilled potatoes. My mouth waters. Rachel uses a lot of our mother's recipes so I always enjoy her meals when I can.

Rachel takes Lotus to clean up and have a nap while I eat and nurse a cold beer. I tremble with the nerves that return at the thought of facing the one and a half women in my life. I know that I can only be honest with them both, and pray that each of them wants the same thing I do. I'd be the luckiest man on Earth if it works out the way I want it to.

But even as I have my own desires for my future, I know that my happiness is not as important as theirs.

"So, what's going on now, tell me." Rachel interrupts my thoughts as she comes back out carrying a basket of baby clothes instead of the baby. I can smell the detergent and sunshine on them.

"I can't."

"Yes you can. Female problems?"

I nod. "But I can't discuss it Rach."

"Is it Nessie?"

"Don't." I warn.

Rachel rolls her eyes and waves me off, as she sets the basket down and starts the task of folding up Lotus' clean clothes. "I'm still your big sister, and that means that I'm still the boss of you."

I roll my eyes at her and she slaps me around the head with a onesie. "Okay okay!" I growl. She arches a brow at me, and I sigh in exasperation. "One of the coven told me she's having separation issues."

Rachel's eyes widen. "The imprint?"

I nod, feeling the guilt weighing heavier on my shoulders. I won't last much longer without calling Nessie to see if she is okay.

"So why haven't you gone to see her? Is it money?"

Just when I thought I couldn't feel any worse. I don't know how my sister will look at me after I tell her the truth. "Well, yes and no…I am seeing someone else," I admit with a deep, nervous sigh.

"What?" Rachel drops the onesie and just looks at me, as if to check that I am not joking. "How is that possible?"

"Well, Nessie was a baby when I imprinted on her Rachel. Do you honestly think I should now have romantic feelings for her when she's technically still a kid?" I try not to snap at her but it's futile.

Rachel shakes her head. "I'm sorry. I forgot. She doesn't look or act like a kid."

Great! Someone else to side with the Cullens.

"Well, that's easy for you and everybody else to say but for me it's not. No matter how grown she appears to be, I just…can't. The feelings I have, they're intense yeah, but not romantic. I just…don't want that to change. It doesn't seem right to feel something like that for Bella's kid and I…" I throw my head back in exasperation. The imprint is making the words stick in my throat. Just thinking about Nessie, my whole body just tunes in to her. Times like this I hate myself for not having as much control as I want to think I do. The only comfort I have is that while my body might stray because of the wolf, my mind doesn't. I know who I want and as long as my mind remains clear on that, I'll be okay. We'll be okay.

"Jacob, you wouldn't be so torn up if you weren't in love with this person, either that or the sex is really good. Who are you seeing?"

I meet my sister's wide and hopeful stare. I take a deep breath and just let it out. People are going to find out now anyways. "Leah."

Rachel's jaw drops but it takes her a good few seconds before a sound comes out. "Are you fucking kidding me?"

"No, I'm dead serious."

"But I thought you two barely tolerated each other!"

I shrug and laugh. "Yeah, we still get on each other's nerves." Leah threatens to kill me at least twice a week. But that's what I love about her, that fire.

"But, I mean, it's pack! No one has said anything! How could you possibly keep that a secret?!"

"Embry knows…it's only a matter of time before Sam finds out."

"All this time, you coming over to see Lotus when Leah was here? You two were fucking?"

I raise my hands and stand immediately. "Okay, this conversation's officially over now. I am not talking to you about that, Rachel."

"Now I get it."

"Get what?"

"Why she's been so different, less miserable. I thought it was just being around the baby that lifted her spirits, but it was you."

I shrug and look away. There's a warmth in the pit of my stomach at the memory of Leah smiling happily with the baby. She would be a great mother someday. "It has a lot to do with Lotus too. She really loves her. We both do, hence why we come to visit, Rach. You know how Leah feels about children, it's good for her, it makes her feel like she has purpose. And you're her only friend, so stop being silly." I kiss Rachel's head and tussle her hair, reassuring that she and her daughter were not part of some ruse.

"I'm worried for her! What are you gonna do Jacob? After the whole mess with Sam and Emily, do you think this is wise? Sam had no choice! Neither did Paul, or Jared or Quil. Quil is saddled to Claire for the rest of his life. You're going to hurt her, or both of them! And what about yourself? This might destroy you and your standing with the packs as well."

"Thanks for laying out all the worst-case scenarios, sis! Like I haven't thought about them a million times!" My teeth are on edge and my wolf responds to the anger. I close my eyes and breathe for a moment to calm it down. I've been denying the beast all day and time is running out before I have no choice but to go run it off.

"I'm sorry Jake, but I can only be honest with you. This is a really fucked up situation! I don't want to see any of you get hurt!"

I nod my head and offer a smile in truce. "I know. But I need to go find Leah now."

"I haven't seen her today. Are you going to tell her about Nessie?"

"Yeah, but honestly, I don't know how. She's always expecting me to end things between us, and I just don't ever want that to be true."

"Don't go looking for Leah to make a promise you can't keep Jacob."

A stab of guilt slashes through me as my sister calls me out. I huff, showing her my disdain for her blunt comment. She and Leah are too much alike.

"She deserves to live in truth, just as much as you or your imprint. Don't go trying to hold on to her when you know you can't."

"You think I should just go to Nessie instead don't you? Not even try with Lee?" I feel betrayed and pissed that my sister is not supportive. But I can tell by the stubborn scowl on her face that she doesn't give a rat's ass about my feelings. She's disappointed in me too.

"Yes, because I know it's pointless to try to fight it. I wanted to give my wolf his space because I felt guilty for the imprint. I tried to go back to Seattle and live my life, but I couldn't function Jacob. I had to come back and just put all the reasons why I left, aside. We needed to be together and find a way to make it work in spite of our differences. You're not going to be any different. Sam couldn't fight his need for Emily despite his love for Leah. You should have known better Jacob."

"The heart wants what it wants," I mutter, not very convincingly.

"I'm sorry this wasn't what you wanted to hear. But you need to be honest with yourself, okay? Take some time to think things through. Visit Nessie and hear what she has to say. She deserves that."

I hear her loud and clear but I don't bother to say anything in response to that. "I have to go, thanks for the food."

"Anytime you need to talk, just come by, I'm here."

I raise my hand in reply as I exit the front door.

When I climb into my truck, I pull out my phone and dial Leah's number again. It goes straight to voicemail. Fuck. She's either turned it off or it's dead. I have no idea where she could be, but I'll search all day and all night until I find her.

The only one who can force me to give up is her.

A/N Thanks for joining me on another journey of Blackwater. I know how necessary it is to have a little something to take your mind off of the pandemic that is terrorizing our world population right now. Fanfic is truly an escape. Please be safe out there and stay home as much as you can. Thanks for all the reviews thus far! They inspire me to keep going. I'm currently on chapter 20. And just so you know, Leah and Jacob are going to be apart til about chpt 18 or 19. I know! Seems like really far away, I agree, but I didn't even realize myself til it was too late lol. So please bear with me until then. Most of the story is from their points of view but I have a few other POVs here and there because there are other angles I am working on with other characters as well. I really hope you enjoy reading This.