Chapter 44

Role

The whole afternoon was devoted into cleaning up the school.

Yukari the great cleaning leader gave orders all around. Kazushi, get that nail puller! Junpei, where's the bubble wrap? Kenji, stop talking and do your work! Kinda annoying, but at least she planned things in her head and the cleaning went smoothly. Even if he was the leader, Minato didn't dare say those guys would listen to him. Girl's power?

Aigis and Minato took down photos hanging around the room. The blonde seemed interested in a certain picture.

"Oh, Aigis, that is the picture of school trip from last year," Yukari said.

Aigis looked at it for a while. "... Will there be school trip this year too?"

"Of course!" Junpei swung his arm around the blonde's neck. "Well, if we go to Kyoto, there's a hot spring. Aigis, since you are genderless, let's bathe togethe-"

His sentence was cut short by a horse kick from the brunette.

Hm, that's new.

"Sorry if it sounds like an insult…" Yukari approached him in front of the dorm. "But, back then at Yakushima… well…" She fiddled with her fingers. "Like when you were at the beach playing, or at the beach with me…"

Minato wondered if she's confessing. Probably not.

"Uhh… You really, shine! You're amazing!" Yukari said. "But right now you're probably tired, right… So you should rest, like staying away from someone that is noisy like me! Take care of yourself well, and I hope you're back!"

She ran away.

Huh.

Minato was at Wakatsu with Ken. He had a hard time trying to understand this kid. Maybe they were the same type, with imaginary bubbles of personal space around them. But Minato also felt like they were really different in some aspects.

Ken was too perfect, and Minato hated that.

After they both finished eating, Ken started talking about a manga he borrowed from Junpei. Junpei felt bad reading the book, since the antagonist wasn't actually that bad of a person, but he died anyway. The protagonist wasn't happy either since at one point in the book, they were friends.

The way Ken thought was weird to him, and all his words were shouting, 'I'm not the same as you.' This kid didn't like him much, he knew.

"... By the way, you talk as if things are so simple," Ken said.

"They're not," Minato said. "Suicide, like all human behavior, actually, like everything that exists, results from mixed and conflicting reasons, and some of them are so complicated we would need a lifetime to figure out."

"Uhh okay." Ken nodded, but he's not happy. "Is that all?"

"One more. It's guilt."

"Guilt...?" The kid blinked. "Are you saying the antagonist will commit suicide because of guilt, even without the protagonist doing anything?"

"That could happen. Well, feeling guilty is already a punishment in itself." Minato shrugged. "At least, I think."

"But… They're people who don't feel guilty too. You'll never know. And it won't be fair if you punish only some selected people, or if the fragile ones are the only one to be punished."

"Complicated, right?"

"It is…"

"I don't know why you are talking about this kind of thing so seriously."

"Uh…"

"I guess you have your own complicated reasons."

"Huh?" Ken looked up. "Simple as that?"

"This world is a complicated place, Ken, so of course we should be as simple as possible so that we won't make the already complicated world becomes more complicated."

"Uh…?"

"Like how you really want to slap girls and argue with them, they probably have their complicate reason as well to act like that. And if we actually slap girls, we probably have some complicated complexes to do that." Minato sighed. "You gain nothing by doing or talking bad things to each other. I've experienced it first-hand… I think I've tell someone once. Let me think…"

"Uhhh…?" Being with the leader was always a weird experience.

"Right, I told Akihiko… Past affects people. Maybe that person thinks about the past every day or not caring about it at all, it still have some effect on him, because it's his past. Even if the memories are wiped, it's still his past, and it makes him who he is."

Ken nodded. "You guys are all thinking something happened, right? I think so too, but I can't remember too."

"So, what do you think have changed in you?"

"Huh." Ken thought for a moment. "I don't know."

"I don't know too," Minato said.

"... You don't even have to say that in the first place..." Ken muttered something and stared at him.

Yeah, he's always like that. He glared at Shinjiro sometimes, or glanced at girls when they treated him like a kid.

"... You are always like that, with that face." Ken narrowed his eyes. "Don't you feel a thing?"

"More like you want me to act as if I feel a thing."

Ken kept glaring at him.

What did he hate in me? Seriously, this is troublesome.

Minato laid the pen down and looked at the calendar. He had a lot of plans on almost every day, such as Tartarus exploring, Social Links time, and other small things everyone expected him to do as a leader and a good human being.

Everything was going on around him, but sometimes he didn't feel involved with it. He once enjoyed being with Yukari somewhat. Now, he's not so sure. The Social Link wasn't that high, probably.

Sometimes, he didn't feel close to them enough. There is no reason to. He didn't see it.

He was a field leader, leading SEES to a battlefield. SEES stayed in a dorm for easy management. They also need entertainment. Members losing their sanity or grades because of a mission are unacceptable. That would be a burden on the Kirijo Group. Mitsuru, the real leader, assigned him as a field leader. He must do his best.

That is that. After this year, they would all went their separate ways.

Yes, that was what he wanted, freedom. He wouldn't feel tired like this.

It's supposed to be like that, isn't it?

That's why he couldn't help but be so cold toward others. There's no helping it. He acted like that because it was how it was. It's a role each person was assigned to, and his role was to be a bystander.

Except when Pharos popped up and smiled, reminded him about the past, and all the feelings, all the beauty of nature. The kid would stop him from thinking this way. And when Pharos was there, he felt like he could be himself again.

Minato looked around the room. No sign of him.

He had been thinking lately about the cause of Pharos' disappearance. Is he teasing me? Punishing me? Whatever. But if he's here, he would tell him to snap out of it, to not think too much and enjoy life, to act like everything is fun and interesting.

And somehow Pharos always managed to make Minato acted as he wished.

A pajamas kid who couldn't interact with real world but is still happy.

If Pharos were there, everything was possible. As long as he was there…

But he is not here.